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The first time Eda had thought about her own death was when Belos captured her. It had been terrifying at first, wondering what would come of Luz, King, and Hooty. Who would take care of King now? Who would train Luz? Clean Hooty?
There had been a lot of time to think, though. When Lilith wasn't pestering her, at least. In that time, Eda had come to terms with it.
Luz would likely go to her friends, Goops and Willow, who were too kind not to help. They'd take care of King, and it was almost a given they'd do their best to keep Hooty happy. Hopefully, after all that, Luz would go home. She would go home with her real family, and she'd take the portal with her so that Belos could never get into the Human Realm. Luz and everyone would end up okay, and Eda would end up as another statue in the Emperors basement.
Ending up alive and well, as much as she could be at least, was a surprise.
The second time was with Raine. Just seeing Raine had brought up old, long-buried emotions. The BATs were a whole other thing. Seeing that not even Raine truly needed Eda was too much when it was coupled with King and Luz becoming so... independent.
Eda wasn't suicidal. She would never outright kill herself, not when everyone was fighting so hard. But if the option arose... Eda wasn't one to pass up an opportunity.
They were both going to die. Eda's magic was going to kill both her and Raine and everyone was going to be okay because she wasn't needed. But being needed didn't mean everything. And Eda's fight wasn't over yet.
The third time Eda had contemplated death was the Day of Unity. Everything that she had done since the CATs were formed was building towards this event, and Eda would be lying if she said she wasn't scared.
The one thing she had never expected to do was get a coven sigil. Eda had spent her whole life fighting against the covens, beating every coven guard not to get a sigil. Yet, at their most crucial moment, Eda got a sigil. Eda got the sigil, and she was going to impersonate a coven head.
Everything they were doing was practically begging for death. In the end, Eda would die no matter what. Her curse would destroy the spell, taking her with it as it traveled through the binds and through her body. Eda was terrified, but she knew it was right. Dying for the cause was always a possibility, and there was no way Eda was going to let anybody else die when the solution was so simple.
It seemed like the curse effected more than what it touched, because the whole plan fell apart. They were found out immediately and everything went to complete griffin shit. Almost everyone was gone, taken as a puppet or prisoner. And yet, Eda was still alive. Alive and very much not a puppet.
What a world.
---
Luz Noceda was light. She had been the buoy that Eda hadn't expected, a lighthouse in the darkness that had befallen Eda's life.
The kid was ambitious, ambitious and naive and yet charming and just about the sweetest little thing Eda had ever met. Something like that couldn't be lost on the world, especially not when the world was as damned as the Boiling Isles.
The fourth time Eda had thought about death was when Luz Noceda died.
The second the girl had disappeared, Eda's world stopped. Dead? No, couldn't be. Surely, the kid- her kid, wasn't dead? As the Collector snapped, an attempt to bring the kid back, Eda knew it to be true. Luz was dead. Luz was dead and nothing but the Titan in front of her mattered.
Pushing the Collector back, Eda let the Owl Beast take over, letting the curse use her emotions, her hatred and anguish, as fuel for its transformation. It felt like a burning ache she couldn't stop, yet it dulled the second her red eyes locked onto Belos.
While the Owl Beast fought, Eda thought. Luz had been a focal point for everything Eda had done. Eda fought Belos to ensure freedom for the Isles, but she never would have thought about it without Luz. And now, Luz was dead.
Eda had trouble coming to terms with that. Would she see her tomorrow? No, not if Eda lived. Should she, though? Should she be the one to live? If, after everything, the brightest person Eda had ever met was dead, why did she deserve to live? If Eda died, would she see Luz in the afterlife? Was there an afterlife?
With a gush of anger, she sent another wave after Belos, listening to Kings accompanying roar.
Right, King. Her son. Would he die, too? Would he join his sister and be lost to this monster?
No, Eda decided. He couldn't die, and Eda couldn't die, either. If she did, Eda thought, it'd be long after the beast in front of her died. She'd use her every last breath to ensure Belos suffered long and hard for everything he had done. For everyone he had hurt.
For Luz.