Work Text:
Iwaizumi POV
"Hajime!!"
Iwaizumis Mom yelled, attempting to grab her 6 year old son's attention. Iwaizumi stops racing through the creek after hearing his mother's voice and turns to face her, who sighs deeply but sweetly. She kneels to iwaizumi level and begins to gently wipe the dirt from his cheek.
“Hajime you need to be more careful! She chuckles at her son and adds, "Ay dios mios look at your face, it's filthy."
"mi chico hermoso." She says while giving Iwaizumi a tooth-rotting smile and a tight grip on the cheek while he grimaces.
“ Be pretty and don't make it look like you're trying, Told to be Esther, when I felt like Goliath”
When Iwaizumi was 8 years old became aware that being gay was more of a taboo than an actual reality . How could he not? Everywhere he traveled, he could hear rumors and gossip being muttered and whispered and he knew his mother heard it too.
“Rezo por algunas personas…” she would mutter in spanish while pushing her grocery cart across the store as if trying to physically get past the ignorance emitting from those around the two. Iwaizumi turned to face his mother while she just sighed and clicked her tongue in pity.
“When they were wrong, I could never keep quiet. I‘d search for the truth, and had faith that I'd find it”
A few weeks before iwaizumi's 12th birthday he got into a fight with his classmate. A boy, haru-kun whom iwaizumi actually used to be friends with, switched schools as a result of bullying, from being outed as queer and nobody ever found out who did it. Iwaizumi knew that many kids in his school either hate or didn't understand the concept of gay, let alone “queer” but he didnt see why they had to pick on the boy, he wasn't hurting anyone right? He honestly-
“You should've seen the look on haru’s face when it happened!” a boy howled of laughter
“Well it's what he deserves for being so creepy” another boy snarked in disgust
“Hey iwaizumi, did you know haru is a fag!” the same boy called out to iwaizumi
“Honestly I don't see the issue with that Sora, you too Kaito, you both are acting like idiots. It's not that big of a deal…” iwaizumi said he was starting to really get pissed off with the two, who did they think they were to decide how someone wanted to live their life? And bragging about it? Poor Haru never hurt a soul.
With a grin he continued “What are you fag too?” Sora jokes, trying to get the rest of the class to laugh. Iwaizumi didn't feel himself get up, he also never felt himself start screaming and punching the boy's body repeatedly. He only felt himself being pulled off the boy and the reality hit him of what he had done. He watched in the corner of his eye as his classmates were helping Sora get up, consoling him and questioning iwaizumi's strange behavior. He may be a hot-head but he was never one to start a fight. Iwaizumi whipped his head around and saw Oikawa's worried dusk eyes staring back at his glossy leafy eyes. He scoffed and roughly shoved his hands in his pocket and walked off with his head hung low, why did he care so much?
“Set myself on fire, Let myself be the liar”
Iwaizumi knew he was gay much before Oikawa did. He was around 15. Much like oikawa, when iwaizumi found out he was gay he knew he was fucked. Though, unlike Oikawa, Iwaizumi never noticed the boy he was truly in love all along was oikawa he was always oblivious to the fact that everytime he was around the boy he never felt like anything would go wrong, he always felt the butterflies, he always blushed, but yet he never knew.
They were in the gym after a game, Iwaizumi could tell that oikawa was upset, at this point in their life Iwaizumi could read any of oikawa's emotions, even when they were fake, but he could tell oikawa didn't want to talk about it. He didn't know how bad it was until he looked up and saw oikawa lunging at a first year student, Kageyama Tobio, someone he knew oikawa has despised since he joined the team. Quickly he gripped oikawas hand to stop him.
“Calm down, you dumbass!” iwaizumi screamed, what was wrong with this idiot?
“Kageyama i'm sorry but we're done for today” iwaizumi bowed and shooed kageyama away for some privacy
“Oikawa, you need to chill out,” iwaizumi started.
“How iwa? How when I'm always going backwards, I even get put on the bench..” oikawa replied, that alone shocked iwaizumi, oikawa was the best player he knew to think that he thinks that he's going backwards sounded like a foreign language to iwaizumi ears.
“You dumbass,” iwaizumi growled. “coach knows what you are capable of, he knows you can be capable of even more if you just calm down a focus, that's why you got subbed out!!”
Iwaizumi watched as Oikawa blinked, and finally, a reply “when did you get so wise iwa-chan” oikawa smirks “when you started acting like a dumbass shittykawa” iwaizumi grins back at oikawa.
All the Sundays, I worried I'd disappoint my mom ’Cause I never understood some types of love being wrong, Something inside me was always steering left
Iwaizumi was 18 years old when, on a crisp Sunday morning, he woke up at home by himself. His mother was likely in church, and last night was one of those occasions when oikawa chose to spend the night at his own house. Iwaizumi, who was by himself with his thoughts, groaned and wondered how his classmates would react to him if he ever came out; that fight with Sora back when he was twelve, he never fully recovered from. It always served to act as a reminder that the world was harsh to people like him, and to this day, he is unaware of what this was for. Was it for adoring a boy? All because he liked a boy.
Iwaizumi was still 18 when, no matter if or how hard he tried, could not stop himself from natural gravitating towards oikawa. It was like oikawa had a natural charm for people wanting to be around him. Iwaizumi knew it was more than that though iwaizumi knew that oikawa's skin as white sheets soft as a pale as milk he would always adore, he knew that oikawas pearly white smile with perfect lips and perfect teeth were irresistible, oikawas glossy skin and alluring eyes felt like heaven to iwaizumi, a heaven he wasnt willing to resist.
I heard a voice inside my head, it disagreed.
Iwaizumi thought back to when he was 6 running through that creek near his old house, back before he met oikawa, he didnt have a clue on what this world really was, the way it really worked. Around the time from he was 8–12 he starting becoming more aware of the world around, about the hate, the discrimination, the inequity and bais. And when he had that fight with sora, but really, he could only think of oikawa.
Iwaizumi knew that it was wrong, he was told it was wrong, so why?..
“That Iwaizumi boy just isnt right”
“He must not know god”
“What in the heavens is going on with that boy!”
“I cant stand to see people like him”
“Its wrong..”
Iwaizumi was 19 when he came out. It wasn't to many people, it wasn't to oikawa. It was to his mom. He felt as though this was beginning to overwhelm him and that he couldn't handle it any longer; it was beginning to rule him, and all he wanted was to be set free. He wished to put all of his feelings for Oikawa to rest. So as he walked downstairs he took a deep breath and slowly entered his kitchen where spotted his mom washing dishes. He willed away his freedom as he sat down at the table facing the bcak of his mom
“Mama?” He started
“Yes hajime?” Iwaizumi took a deep breath, his heart pounding as his true self was about to be shared with the person he loved and trusted most. With a nervous quiver in his voice, he began, "Mom, there's something I've been wanting to tell you. I... I like boys." iwaizumis mom was quiet for a while, iwaizumis eyes started brimming with tears until she lifted his head up and spoke again "hajime, I love you no matter what," she said, her voice filled with warmth and acceptance. " "Youll continue as the same outstanding individual that ive known you to always be, Te amo mucho hijo mio." With those words, Iwaizumi started to sniffle, he felt a weight lifted off his shoulders, and he knew that he had taken a significant step towards being his authentic self, surrounded by the love of his mother.
“So if it wasn't God, well,”
Iwaizumi pulled away from his mother when he heard a rapid uneven knock at his front door. “Go check the door please” his mother said, shuffling to her room and closing the door behind her. Looking back at the door he went to open it and found a disheveled looking oikawa standing there looking back at him. Before he could open his mouth to speak oikawa started.
"Iwa-chan, I've been meaning to tell you something for a while. Since we were eight years old, I've liked you. I've always considered you to be the most
significant person in my life, and I can no longer keep my feelings to myself. Iwa-chan, you are the love of my life.” Iwaizumi smiled as he realized that his own emotions were similar to those of his best friend, Oikawa, and his heart was pounding.
“Thank god it was me.”
"Tooru, there's something I've been meaning to tell you, I've been feeling the same way for a long time," he added, turning to face Oikawa with a determined expression in his eyes. More than simply a friend, you are someone I love, and I can't picture my life without you. "Iwa-chan, you have no idea how long I've been waiting to hear those words." Oikawa muttered. Iwaizumi wasnt sure what was next he didnt know what they were, or if they were even a thing. If not for oikawa saying how he felt already iwaizumi wouldve thought he fucked everything up. But when Oikawa smiled sweetly, his eyes filled with love, and gently touched Iwaizumi's cheek. After leaning Iwaizumi quickly takes hold of Oikawa's hand and says what they have both been wanting to hear for the past 13 years. It was evident that their relationship had grown stronger as they kissed in the warm light of the setting sun and iwaizumi being certain of what he wanted from oikawa.
“Thank god it was me.”