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It was... weird, Kazuya mused.
His mind was hazy from all the painkillers the doctors used to subdue the throbbing in his bruised ribs, and while he was grateful that he could move with more ease, he didn't appreciate the feeling of thick mist shrouding his thoughts. He couldn't focus for long, things he wanted to say slipping away before he could open his mouth. It made him somewhat irritated, but even that was only a distant echo, as if the emotion itself belonged to someone else.
His stay in the hospital was long, too long, he believed. They admitted him soon after the final and insisted he stayed the night. Kazuya lost count of how many tests they ran, how many blood samples they took, how many times he had to swallow pills and take shots. Finally, when the night came, he slept through it, exhausted from the game, from the pain, too drugged by all the medicaments to fight against it. And then the next morning he was allowed to leave with a bag of pills and a strict warning to take it easy for the next few weeks.
Bruised ribs. That's all it was. Nothing broken, no complications. Just a bruise that covered half of his chest and stomach. How wonderful.
Kazuya grimaced feeling the tingling in his side that would surely be a stab of sharp pain if not for the painkillers that continued to work their magic in his bloodstream. The whole ride back to the dorms he spent looking out the window of Rei's car, eyes unfocused. He only managed to step one foot out of the vehicle when the team accosted him, patting his shoulders and back, welcoming him as warmly as a gang of baseball boys ever could. There was dinner, much louder than Kazuya remembered it ever being, and then he was sent to bed with strict orders to get rest.
His head was spinning when he was walking up the stairs to his room. He stopped from time to time, his attention fickle and drawn to a shadow on the wall, or the way trees moved tugged around by brief breezes that felt like a caress against Kazuya's skin. Hand clutching the railing harder than necessary, Kazuya knew he was running a fever. A fever while his mind was high on painkillers really sucked, he brushed a hand over his face, sighing. He never expected walking up some simple stairs to be so challenging.
He was about to take another step, when an arm sneaked around his waist, helping him along. Surprised, Kazuya turned his head to the side.
"What are you...?" his words were a bit slurred and he grimaced.
"I'm helping you to your room," Sawamura readjusted his arm to hold him more firmly. There was a stubborn look in his eyes and Kazuya sighed, leaning more of his weight on him.
"Fine," he said. He had no strength to argue with Sawamura. Especially not today, and especially not when the first year's lips were pulled in a thin line that Kazuya knew was determination.
Slowly, they made it to Kazuya's room and Sawamura was the one to open the door after Kazuya failed to find the keyhole for the third time in a row. He was wearing his glasses, but everything was a hazy blur and all Kazuya really wanted was to close his eyes and go to sleep. Sawamura sat him down on his bed, the shift in the position pulling at the bruised skin on Kazuya's stomach. He winced.
"Thanks for the help, Sawamura," Kazuya said in the quiet of the room, because he was supposed to say something.
There was no reply. If Kazuya couldn't see Sawamura standing before him, he would have assumed he was alone, the other was that quiet. It was unusual. There were only a few times Kazuya had seen Sawamura like that and it never bode well. His clouded mind didn't help much in providing any explanation, though.
"Look," Kazuya started, sighing a little and rubbing at his tired eyes. "I want to go to sleep as soon as I can, so..." his words faltered when Sawamura moved.
Kazuya watched him kneel in front of him, one hesitant hand coming to rest on his knee. It was warm, Kazuya could feel it through the material of his sweatpants, but his own temperature was too high to find it comforting. Sawamura's fingers squeezed his knee as if he was making sure that Kazuya was real.
"They said you're okay," Sawamura said, voice quiet, deflated. He didn't raise his head to look at Kazuya. "That it was just a bruise."
"It is," Kazuya said, wondering what brought this on. "I'm fine."
Sawamura's head snapped up so fast, Kazuya flinched when everything blurred over again.
"Are you really?" The hold on his knee tightened. "Are you really fine?"
Kazuya had to blink a few times to clear his vision. And when it did, he noticed a few things.
Sawamura's face was gentle, but it was also tense. Tense with something Kazuya had so rarely seen on him before. Something that made his gut clench uncomfortably. Fear.
Kazuya swallowed before answering. "Yes," he said, forcing his voice not to waver. "I'm really fine."
Gold eyes, the same ones that shone at him so brightly from the mound, glossed over with tears. In stupefied silence, Kazuya watched Sawamura bow his head, the hand on his knee trembling, tears spilling down round cheeks. Sawamura's shoulders shook lightly, but no sound came from his mouth, as if he was bottling it all up.
Guilt suddenly pushed Kazuya's hands up, and giving in to it, he closed them around Sawamura's arms. It must have been hard on him, he thought. He was pitching in the final when Kazuya's injury was discovered by the team. He was the one that picked them up when it happened. He was the one under most pressure.
"Sawamura," he called gently, but the other didn't react. Kazuya squeezed his arms. "Sawamura, look at me."
There was no reply again, Sawamura's head bowed even further away from Kazuya's eyes. Tears stained his sweatpants, making Kazuya sigh. His head felt heavy with a need for sleep, but this right now was more important. Kazuya run his hands up Sawamura's shoulders, placing them on both sides of his neck.
"Eijun."
This time it worked. Sawamura flinched and raised his head to look at him. His eyes were red, tears still rolling down his flushed cheeks. Kazuya wiped them away with his thumbs, cradling Sawamura's face in his hands.
"I'm fine," he repeated, voice soft. "You don't have to worry anymore."
Sawamura nodded, taking a shaky breath. The hand that was clutching Kazuya's knee reached out to his chest. Trembling fingers caught the material of Kazuya's shirt. In one fluid motion, Sawamura lurched forward, arms circling around Kazuya in a tight embrace. Kazuya flinched and hissed when a stab of pain slashed through his chest and stomach. Sawamura noticed immediately, backing away, his arms leaving Kazuya faster than they came.
"Oh god, I'm so sorry," Sawamura was saying, voice raspy and slightly panicked. "I shouldn't have–"
Kazuya stopped him by putting his own arms around his shoulders and pulling him back in. He opened his legs to make more space and brought up one of his hands to the messy brown locks, which he stroked soothingly. The pain in his side was slowly fading and he relaxed against Sawamura.
"It's okay," he mumbled, sighing quietly. "Everything's okay."
Reluctantly, Sawamura's arms closed around him again. And then they tightened, desperately holding onto him as if he was the only raft on the open sea. Kazuya grimaced at the throbbing that returned to his side.
"Too tight," he whispered, touching his cheek to Sawamura's head that rested on his shoulder to show it was okay, he didn't have to move.
"Sorry," came a muffled apology and the pressure on Kazuya's ribs lessened.
Sawamura made no move to leave the embrace, which made Kazuya sigh into brown locks, content. He closed his eyes, absently stroking the lean back of the kneeling teen. He was tired, so tired... All he wanted was just sleep... to rest.
He didn't even know he was dozing off when Sawamura's muffled whisper brought him back to his dark room in the quiet dorm.
"Don't do this to me again..."
Kazuya could feel the slight tremors that shook Sawamura's body. He wasn't crying this time, but he was still shaken. The guilt punched Kazuya hard in the gut, and he pulled the other even closer.
"I won't," he murmured. "Sorry."
He didn't know exactly what he was apologizing for. Making Sawamura cry? Definitely. Not telling him about his injury? Probably. Leaving him on the mound alone in the middle of the match? Hmm, yes, there was that...
They stayed in the loose embrace for a while, Sawamura kneeling between Kazuya's legs, Kazuya slumped against him tiredly. He would have fallen asleep like that, comfortable in the warm embrace, which – again – Sawamura must have noticed. If Kazuya's mind wasn't so hazy, he might have wondered at the strange perceptiveness Sawamura was showing. But since he couldn't really focus on anything anymore, he just propped his cheek on the other's shoulder.
"Hey, can I stay with you tonight?" Sawamura's voice was unsure, as if he was fighting himself over something.
"I'm not dying, you know," Kazuya attempted humour, but he was so tired his words lacked the usual quirkiness. Sawamura backed away from the embrace to look at him. And seeing his face, which was tight with worry and still red from crying, Kazuya couldn't say no. "Yeah, okay," he said. "Stay."
They curled together on the bed, Kazuya lying on his back, Sawamura snuggled into his bruise-free side. One of his warm hands was stroking Kazuya's stomach soothingly, and Kazuya admitted in the quiet of his own mind that it felt nice. With a sigh, he closed his eyes, arms of sleep reaching out to him.
"Miyuki."
He only grunted in response, too tired to talk. The sheets around them ruffled when Sawamura moved, and Kazuya, with a lot of effort, rolled his head to look at him. From where he was propped up on his elbow, Sawamura gazed down at him softly. His eyes gleamed in the dark, warm with something that Kazuya's clouded mind couldn't decipher. Hand reaching out, the tips of Sawamura's fingers touched Kazuya's jaw lightly, as if he was made of glass, as if any touch could break him, and suddenly Kazuya felt like it really could.
Sawamura leaned down, dry, chapped lips tenderly sliding against Kazuya's. He closed his eyes at the gentle touch, returning the kiss. There was no passion between them, no desire. Just a dire need for comfort of the other's touch. Sawamura's hand cupped the side of Kazuya's warm face, a pleasant cold against his heated skin. He sighed into Sawamura's mouth, finally, for the first time since the match, since the hospital, truly at ease.
"Kazuya," the breathy whisper made him open his eyes. "I..."
He could see Sawamura was struggling for words and a corner of Kazuya's lips quirked in a fond smile.
"I know," he replied, nudging Sawamura's nose with his own. "You don't have to say it. I know."
Sawamura's lips were trembling when he kissed Kazuya again, and Kazuya could feel his own heart flutter in his chest as if answering the call of the same emotion. Sawamura settled down next to him, his cheek on Kazuya's shoulder. Closing his eyes, comfortable with the warmth of the body next to his and soft breath ghosting over his neck, Kazuya let sleep get a hold of him.
It was good to be back home.