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"She doesn't know I'm in love with her", unfurled at a digital pace inside a little input box. A few moments. Enter. Sent. The cherry on top of a long venting tirade
Seconds stretched themselves out until they began to resemble minutes, for possibly no other reason than to taunt the boiling roiling turmoiling storm taking hold of Elsa. The lights in her apartment wavered ever so slightly while she sat on her sofa fuming, just about charging her laptop. Until a new text bubble popped up.
"Wow… you're either fucked, or you're married and you don't even know it."
Elsa knew exactly what she'd just been handed. She knew nothing good could possibly come of it because she had so much experience with it. But she'd never been given so much of it at once. It sent her brain into overdrive and her heart into a superposition with no collapse on the horizon. The soft wavering of the lights accelerated towards a discrete flicker. She knew what it was, but not really. She could never overcome the uncertainty of the matter. whether this was hope, or delusion.
Elsa couldn't sit any longer. It was time to pace. She had to think through every single aspect of her life immediately. But, just as she was getting started, the clang and click of lock and key being breached assaulted her senses. The intensity of the lights in the apartment suddenly found their equilibrium. Elsa reseated herself and softly shut her laptop just in time for nearly every person she knew to come through that door.
And there she was. A tall, fit woman with caramel brown skin, Long black hair with a picturesque wave, fiery eyes with a piercing aura, and the most amazing eyebrows you've ever seen. The grin she adorned herself with as she locked eyes with Elsa was almost powerful enough to brighten the scene.
"Hello, Pan"
"Hello, Pan", Pan mocked, with a distinctly robotic demeanor before she approached the sofa with a bag.
"Look, I got us some takeout!"
Elsa watched her plop the bag down on the coffee table. She wanted to be excited for some shrimp fried rice, but all she could do was stare. Considering the facts while trying desperately not to over-interpret anything. Pan fell into the sofa with an elated sigh, smiling at the ceiling with her eyes closed as if she'd already eaten her share and had more than enough, but not quite too much.
"How was your day? Any cool work stuff?" Pan asked without breaking her pose.
"Uh… good. I got some dirty commissions, so that was fun".
pan wiggled out a soft "oowoo". memetically, yet tastefully. Followed by silence. And, stillness. And before the silence could become an awkward one, pan let slip "aren't you gonna ask me about my day, why I'm smiling so much?".
Pan's smile opened up to her teeth just a little, harboring a safe amount of giddy. And Elsa was afraid. So afraid she felt a lump in her throat. So stupid of her to think. She knew it was the guy. The streamer. The Handsome streamer with twice as many followers as Pan. Every minute Pan streamed for the past week suddenly came bursting out of Elsa's memory. Every last cortical brain cell streamed a simulation of a week's worth of cyberspace flirtation, and the dread she felt seeing what she didn't know was her worst fear, beginning to unfold.
Pan didn't wait for Elsa's response.
"Let me tell you, the Mother Goddess is sending me a message. I have never had so many views and so much fun at the same time. Jesus, I didn't even realize until today how bored I've been with just streaming fucking video games and talking to chat while dressed in tiny pajamas day in and day out. IRL streams are the future for me! Hanging out in person with other streamers just fills you with so much more energy and joy. Going outside?! Girl, it's crazy."
Elsa was so pleasantly surprised by the nature of Pan's exuberance that she cracked just a brief smile. Daring to query just a bit.
"That sounds pretty great. And that other streamer guy? He's nice?"
Pan responded with a little pride, "Oh yeah, he just does whatever I want which is perfect. No hassle at all." As she scootched on over to Elsa until their sides flushed and she could rest her head on Elsa's shoulder.
A wave of comfort emanated from the deepest limbic structures of Elsa's brain as the bewitching warmth of Pan's touch penetrated her skin, and bones, right down to her soul. As the fine hairs atop Pan's head tickled the hypersensitive flesh of Elsa's neck, a temptation to revel in delusion nearly took her. And it did take her. Just until she caught a whiff of doubt on Pan's breath. A powerful scent of alcohol. Or maybe it was a subtle scent. All of her senses were on overdrive. Everything about Pan felt powerful when they were this close.
"Are you drunk?", Elsa beep-boop'd in her typical flat tone. Only for cold regret to wash over her as Pan lifted her head and shifted out of flush to respond.
"No the fuck I am not, but I did have one drink and it was actually so good. You'd never guess. I bet you've never even heard of it. It was an espresso martini. Did you know that was a thing? It sounded ridiculous so I just had to try it. I don't even drink coffee. But it was actually good. Maybe I should drink coffee? Ok pause, why is the TV off and why aren't we eating? Here I got your favorite. Shrimp fried rice…".
She always knows my favorites, Elsa thought
"...because I love you".
Shit
"Come on, say it back", Pan teased, with a wry pout.
"Yeah, same" Elsa said, hiding her smile behind a lowered head and pressed lips.