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THAT DAY
“We can figure out a way to love each other in our own terms, no one else’s.” Alex plead, trying his hardest not to cry, holding on as hard as he could to the last hopes he had for his relationship.
“That is simply not possible, and you know it.” Answered Henry back, not even looking at the man he loves, but can’t have.
“Fine.” Alex answered, in pain, suffering. “I’ll leave.” He doesn’t want to leave, but he doesn’t know what else he can do. “And you can live in your tower, and protect your heart for the rest of your life, and nothing will ever happen to you. But Henry, NOTHING will EVER happen to you.” This is his attempt he can make, his last hope. “So, if you want me to go, you have to tell me to leave.”
“Please, don’t make me.” Begged Henry, still not facing Alex, because he doesn’t know if he’s strong enough to look into his eyes, and deny them of what they both desperately want.
“It is the only way you are getting rid of me. Because I would never leave this room, if I didn’t think there was any hope of holding on to the happiness that I have found with you. And if you think otherwise, you don’t know me.” Alex can’t hold back the tears anymore. “So, tell me to go, Henry, and I promise I will walk through that door and trouble you no longer.”
“Please… Alex. I can’t be what you need me to be, I can’t love you, like I so desperately do. Please, leave.” Is all Henry says, before both their hearts are broken. There’s no going back from it now. It’s done. Really done. The best thing they ever had in their lives, gone.
Alex is broken in all shapes and forms he could be. Parts of him are scattered behind him, as he walks away from Henry’s room, Henry’s palace, Henry’s life.
They are truly over.
10 MONTHS AFTER THAT DAY (ATD)
Subject: Please, read this
From: A <[email protected]>
To: Henry <[email protected]>
Dear Henry,
I have thought, many times over and over, about how I would start this email. If I’d ever start this email.
But after months of consideration, I think it is only fair, to both of us, that I put in words all the things I couldn’t get out, during our time together. I will be as blunt as honest as I can, so I apologize in advance for not sugarcoating anything. And then, you won’t have to deal with me anymore if you don’t want to. I promise you, this is the last time I’m writing you.
So, here we go. I am not ashamed to say I haven’t been able to move on from you, from us. How is someone supposed to move on from the best part of their lives? How does anyone move on from it? If you have done it, please, share with me how you could. Because I don’t think I ever will, although I understand both of us do have to.
When I realized how much I loved you, how much I needed you in my life, and how much I’d give up, just to have you by my side, I was scared.
Falling in love is scary. Everyone says it. It is beautiful, the best feeling in the world, but it is terrifying. It is even scarier, when you know the person, you love, might not be ready to be loved.
One thing is opening yourself, so vulnerably, to someone that is ready to take you into their lives, take care of you, love you, protect you. But doing that with someone that don’t think they can do that for you, is painful. You try your best to hold yourself back, give them time and space, let them figure out things on their own time. But at the same time, every second you can’t tell them you love them, every second you need to pretend not to be living the best life you have ever lived, is a second you are wasting from your own happiness.
I knew, from day one, that you had a lot to work through, to feel like you deserved the love we could get. I mean, it was supposed to only be a casual thing, but you had been pining over me for 3 years already. I don’t know who we were trying to convince on the whole casual thing, because it never was. I knew you needed that time and space though, and tried to give you as much as I could. I’m sorry I stepped into your space. I’m sorry I didn’t give you enough time to figure that out. I was so absorbed in our happiness bubble; I didn’t realize you were still partially out of it.
You were the reason why I became the person I am today. You opened my eyes to my truest self. You made me realize not only my sexuality, but how much is out there to have, if you are open to it. I think you never truly saw that. You showed me love, happiness, fun, freedom, and all great things someone could ever wish on having in life. It was only a few months, but you gave me a lifetime. For that, I’ll always be grateful.
I didn’t realize that, although we did make a lot of progress in your front, I wasn’t that same person to you. I gave you my all, all at once, when you needed me to just listen to you. Hug you. Comfort you.
When you tried so hard, to explain to me why you couldn’t fall in love, why no one should fall in love with you, you made me fall even harder. Instead of seeing how you were begging for that space and time, I only saw how much progress you had already made. All I could see were the good things, because you made sure everything around me, was good. I don’t think you understand the power you have over people, Henry. How your words penetrate deep into people’s souls, and how they change our beings. You’d make an amazing writer; I hope you never give up on that dream.
That night, at my dad’s house, in front of that bonfire, I didn’t know how to answer to your beautifully sad story. You feel this deep need to protect your heart at all costs, because you were told something was wrong with it. With you.
There’s nothing wrong with you, Henry. Please know that.
I might not agree with how you handled things between us, but I did spend a lot of time these past few months, reading books upon books on British history and monarchy. I understand why you feel such a duty to serve it. You’ve been taught your whole life that is the thing to do. It is literally your religion, I get it. I don’t understand why anyone would support the ways of the monarchy, but I do understand that you were raised in that, and were never told any different.
But anyone that tells you that there’s something wrong with you, for simply loving someone, is wrong. If you need anyone to tell you that, here I am, telling you that. They are wrong. Love isn’t wrong, Henry. Love is the best part of life. Some would say it is the meaning of life. And if it wasn’t obvious by now, yes, I still love you.
I mean, that should be very clear to anyone reading this, which I hope no one else does, but I will love you forever, Henry Fox.
Sure, one day I might move on, meet someone new, try to carry on. But just as the prince in your beautifully sad story, was born with his heart outside of his body, I’ve had my heart ripped from my chest. I thought I had left it with you, back in your room, on that awful rainy summer night. But I brought it back with me, I nursed it, taught it that pain doesn’t cancel happiness, helped it heal, and put it away.
You might have your heart protected by a suit of armor, carefully crafted to not let anyone in, and to not let it out, but I have mine in a safe box. A safe box with a single key, that I’m sending to you in this email. I’m keeping my heart here, safe, protected, healed. But I won’t ever be able to access it, without you. I don’t want to.
Because here is the thing, Your Majesty, I’m alright now. I’m doing just fine. I have started law school, I have different career paths in front of me, that brings me joy and fulfillment. I’m so glad my mom is in office again, and that we still have 4 years to make a difference. I’m ready for when it’s my turn to make a difference, being it as a lawyer, a mayor, senator, or president. I’ll be just fine, with this life I’m living. But I won’t ever be whole again, without you.
I’m not saying this to ask you to let go of all your beliefs, and everything you have been taught, and come running back to me. Yes, I will take you back at any second, that’s not even a question. But the reason why I’m telling you this, is because I need you to know you aren’t stopping me from having a fulfilled life. I’ll be just fine. But, if in a decade or so, after you have stopped fighting against your own happiness, once you’ve seen that being yourself will not implode your whole country, once you are ready to accept the love you deserve, if I’m still the one in your mind, I’ll be here.
You have the key to my heart, Henry George Edward James, it’s up to you what you do with it.
I love you. Even if you never love me again. Even if you decide to throw that key away and never think about me, ever again. I will still love you, respect your decision, and be happy for whatever you decide to do, that brings you happiness.
And I guess that’s all I had to say. I know, sappy and repetitive, but give me a break, it is 4am, and I have been trying to get this done for months. You should be glad you can even understand the things I’m saying, because at this point it’s all just a soup of letters on my screen.
I wish I could press send on this, and be hopeful that the next time we see each other, will be because you choose to give us a chance. But I am fully aware I’m seeing you in a couple weeks during mom’s dinner. I’m aware we have to smile at each other, be cordial, pretend nothing is wrong, because cameras will be everywhere. As they always are.
Nora has promised me that she will not leave my side for a second, so neither of us have to deal with the uncomfortable silence between us. She misses you, just so you know. I guess we all do. I’m excited to see you again, I miss your beautiful eyes, your smile that can light up the whole room, and the peace you bring me, just with your presence. But if I can ask something of you, please, don’t bring any of this up until you are ready for it.
I can live with the knowledge that you aren’t ready to unpack any of this yet. I am okay with that. I just don’t want you to change how you act, because you think I’m a hurt puppy that won’t leave you alone. Don’t bring any of this up, until you know for sure what you are doing with that key. And I won’t bring any of it up either. I’ll be the First Son; you’ll be the Prince of Wales. We will get through this.
Yours,
Alex.
Pressing send on that email, was the hardest, yet most satisfying thing, Alex has done, since this whole mess happened. Took him weeks of overthinking it, hundreds of lists on the pros and cons, and a lot of tears, before he could type it all out. Tears he would never admit to anyone else.
But he needed that. Alex had been so hurt and broken, by the way Henry just dismissed him and moved on, that he wasn’t able to express how he was really feeling. He just left. Back out on the streets of London, under pouring rain, back into a car, plane, the USA.
Alex needed that closure. He needed to know he had poured heart and soul to Henry, and that he wasn’t hiding anything away. He needed that to move on, however that was done. Because, if he was being honest with himself, Alex never got mad at Henry.
He would have guessed that it would be easier to move past it, if he hated the man that ripped his heart from his chest. But he couldn’t hate the guy. He tried, of course he did, would have made his life so much easier. Yet, the more he thought about it, more he loved the prince. More he understood where he was coming from. More he wanted to offer a hand, to help him out of the prison Henry found himself behind.
Alex knew he couldn’t really do that. He tried, he offered himself completely. Alex literally told Henry they could find a way to love each other in their own terms, and that wasn’t enough for the prince. So, Alex did the one thing he could do, he gave Henry the time and space to figure himself out. But he didn’t want Henry to think he had left and forgotten. He couldn’t have that happen.
So, he had a few beers, sat in front of his PC, and wrote down whatever he was feeling in the moment. It was a messy email, for sure. He probably said ‘I love you’ way too many times, and he was a sappy motherfucker, but it was genuine. He might have taken too long of time, to send that, but he was only human. Alex also needed some time and space to put his feeling and thoughts in order.
If he was being honest, 10 months was way too long of a time to not talk to, or see, Henry. Alex was suffering from withdraws, badly. There had been many times, way too many to count at this point, where Alex just wanted to grab his phone and shoot Henry a text. He wanted to share the good and the bad things.
Alex had started NYU, and all he could think about, was sharing that with the love of his life.
His mom had won a very close election, possibly because of his hard work in Texas. Alex was so happy he let a couple tears flow. But when he was up on that stage, with his family, celebrating, Alex wished Henry was there with them. He just wished they could jump on each other’s arms, and take their celebration somewhere else.
Alex had seen a dog, that looked like David, with a few puppies around him, while on a walk at Central Park. Before he could even think, he grabbed his phone and took a picture. He was able to catch himself, and what he was doing, before hitting send on the text, but he wanted to share those things, as small as they were.
When, only a couple weeks ago, the front page of all newspapers, magazines, and every social media website ever, had Philip’s and Martha’s face stamped all over them, and the news of a new royal baby on the way, Alex was overjoyed. Alex knew how much that meant to Henry, not only to become an uncle, but because he would officially, soon enough, stop being the Spare. Alex wanted to scream to skies, jump, dance in the rain. He wanted to call Henry, congratulate him on the new family member, and tell him that he would be free, finally. But he didn’t. He didn’t have the right to.
There was so much happening, that Henry was just missing out in Alex’s life, that Alex decided to start writing them down.
June had gifted him a journal, in hopes he would put some of his pain on it, and just start working on himself. Instead, Alex had used it to write little notes to Henry. Things he wanted to share with him, things he wanted to say. He did use that journal to help writing his email, but most of it were just random stupid things:
- I love the tie you have on Rolling Stones. I guess you finally learned what colors are;
- I think I might get a dog. The new apartment is so empty and lonely, doesn’t feel like a home;
- I didn’t get a dog, I don’t have the time to feed myself, I can’t feed another being;
- Netflix has a baking reality show, did you know that? It isn’t as great as bake off, but it distracts me enough during the lonely nights;
- I’m scared of going back to the lake house and reliving all that went down. Waking up alone, the day after pouring my heart out to you. Waking up alone in that bed again, not knowing if I’ll ever see you again.
Sure, that last one wasn’t as random or stupid as the other ones, but it was something he needed out of his chest. So, he put it down, as his sister told him to. And until Henry was ready for him, or ready to let him go completely, Alex would continue doing so. For his own sake. To keep his sanity. For as long as it took.
3 YEARS AND A FEW MONTHS ATD
Alex worked really hard for that day, way too hard, for it to be overshadowed and ignored. But he didn’t even care, at this point.
It was bar day. He passed the Bar Exam. Alex had almost died during law school, without any exaggeration. It was more than once that he passed out, because the lack of food and water. It was more than a handful of times, that he had been so dehydrated and dizzy, he had to have some emergency IV stuck into his arm, after one of his guards forced him into a hospital. Alex had put his entire life, into this one exam.
He should be celebrating with his whole family. He was home for it, they were all reunited at the White House, ready for a party. But that wasn’t happening anymore.
His mother was walking in circles, around the oval office. June, Nora, Leo, and even his dad, were all sitting down on the couches, in the middle of the office, just watching. Ellen was walking in circles, talking to herself. Zahra was on the phone, in full problem-solving mode.
“Yes, of course she’s attending it. That is not even a question. We just need to know about him.” Zahra said on the phone, raising her eyes to look at his direction. “I know you aren’t the one with the invitations, but she’s allowed a plus one, can’t she take two?”
Alex didn’t know he was shaking his legs, waiting on more information, until his sister put her hand on his knees, stopping him.
“It will be all good, Alex. Even if you can’t attend it, we will all go. We’ll figure it out, okay? We will be there for him.” Nora said, putting her hand on his other knee.
“We will storm a palace, if we need to.” June agreed, making Oscar laugh a bit. A reaction that made everyone stare at him, as if laughing at this moment, was forbidden.
“Oh, perfect! Thank you so much, you will get the best Christmas gift ever babe, you have no idea!” Said Zahra, with a lighter voice, and completely breaking character in front of everyone. A rare sight to see. She turned off her phone, and turned back to the waiting spectators. “We can’t get all of you in, but Shaan said that an extra one should be fine. So, Madam President and the First Gentleman, you’ve been allowed to take your way-too-old-to-be-babysat-and-carried-to-events First Son, to the memorial service.” She said, sitting down for the first time in hours. “But you listen to me, Alex. If you make a scene, at the fucking Queen’s memorial service, I’ll hunt you down myself. Do you hear me? Shaan and I are putting both of our lives in line here, so you can be there, I don’t even know for what fucking reason. But if you even open your mouth, to say anything other than ‘My condolences Your Royal Highness/Majesty’, you will not live to see another day.”
“I won’t. I promise I won’t. I just need him to know I’m there for him, that’s all. I wont even approach him, if he doesn’t do it first.” Alex promised, anxiety a little more controlled, but still worried shitless.
Henry didn’t have the best relationship with his, now deceased, grandmother. But she was the Queen, and she had died, not even 5 hours before that conversation. The whole world had stopped to hear the somber news, London Bridge has fallen. Alex knew, Henry wasn’t going to reach out to him. He wasn’t going to reach out to anyone. But Alex also knew, this would be one of the hardest months for the prince, and his whole family.
It isn’t like they are friends, or even kept in touch for the past few years. They did see each other a few times, in very professional settings. They always kept their formal, well behaved, cordial stances, and as agreed on, never talked about their feelings. It was hard, of course, but Alex knew it was what needed to be done, until Henry was ready.
Henry wasn’t going to be ready right now. At all. His mom just became Queen. His grandma is dead. His whole kingdom is under a lot of stress. His family is suffering. But Alex didn’t even care. He wasn’t going hoping for Henry’s love and affection. He was going, because the man he loves, needed to know he had someone there for him. Even if just at distance, even if Alex could never voice that out, Henry would know, Alex was there for him.
“I don’t know why you doing this, mijo, but you’re old enough to know what you want. Just make sure you aren’t putting your whole life on pause, for someone that won’t press play on it.” Said Oscar, and no one else had the guts to say anything else.
Alex knew all of their individual opinions on the situation. How supportive his mom was, once she knew Henry was his forever. How June and Nora wouldn’t judge him for it, but worked really hard on making sure he was still enjoying his life. Living. Not only surviving. His dad was the one that thought he was wasting time. But Alex didn’t care. He knew what he wanted, as pathetic that might make him. And he needed to make sure Henry knew it too. Whatever it takes.
7 YEARS AND A BIT ATD
It had been almost eight years, since that fatidic day. Seven whole years and a few more months. A lot happened in Alex’s life, in those years. He became a lawyer, started working for a small law office in Austin, bought his first house, got a dog, left his job to run for State Legislature, and won. Alex was just elected, at barely 29 years old, and it was one of the happiest days of his life.
His whole family was so proud of him. Mainly, of course, his parents. The whole Claremont-Diaz clan, knew Alex was destined for greatness. They all knew his goal was to be the youngest president ever, and now, he was step closer to it.
Alex had had the best day ever, celebrating with his whole family, his co-workers, everyone in the party that had supported him, and of course, with his puppy, Freddie. They had organized a BBQ in his new house, everyone was so excited for this new phase of his life, and Alex was really proud of himself. But he had other reasons why he was so happy.
After seven years being the only one reaching out to Henry, for the first time since their break-up, Henry had reached out to him.
It was only a text. A quick, straight to the point, almost cold, text. But Alex knew it meant to much more than what it was. Henry might not be ready to fully invest into them again, but he was making sure Alex knew he was still there.
They saw each other less over the years. Once Ellen wasn’t the president anymore, Alex wasn’t invited for the big fancy dinners, that involved a certain prince. Henry also did step down from a lot of his royal duties, and was mostly focused on helping Pez with his youth shelters, around the globe. They were rarely in the same country, let alone the same state, and even if they were, they almost never saw each other. In four years, since the Queen’s funeral, Alex had seen Henry once, at his mom’s final correspondent’s dinner. They shook hands, smiled politely to each other, and continued down the line of people they needed to talk to.
Alex had dated a couple people, in those years. He was lonely, older, thought he could try it. The first one, a girl named Lisa, only lasted a couple months, before Alex realized that would not work for him. She was too demanding, didn’t listen much, hated baking competitions, and was only interested in Alex because he had contacts in the fashion world. She was also homophobic, and the second she found out about Alex’s sexuality, she had gone insane. Luckly though, she never said a word about it to the press. Probably too ashamed to admit she dated a bisexual man.
The second one, was a guy. His name was Richard, and he only lasted a month, before Alex had to get out of it. He wasn’t Henry. Simple as that. He was the completely opposite of the man he loved, and he could never love someone that wasn’t his prince. And that was it, he told the guy he couldn’t do it, and closed himself off once again.
The email he had sent Henry couldn’t be truer, even seven years later. He did lock his heart, and only one person could have access to it. The one person who sent him the least crafted congratulations text. But the most meaningful one.
“Congratulations. I hope it is everything you wished for. – H”
11 YEARS AND 7 MONTHS ATD
Alex couldn’t believe it. No one could, to be honest. He was only 33 years old, almost 34, but he as already a Senator. Representing his home state, Texas, in the big capital again.
It felt weird being back at the White House, weirder being there without his parents, his sister, or Nora. Even weirder when you added that fact that Rafael Luna, a Mexican-American, gay man, was reelected as the President of the United States.
So much changed, in 11 years. In his country, his state, his life. Alex was now a proud Bisexual, who had come out a couple years ago, and had made sure to be the voice his community needed, in a state that had been through so much change, since his mom’s last mandate. His professional life was on it’s highest ever. His family was still super close and united. June and Nora had gotten married, and he was now a proud uncle of 2 little boys. The lived in New York, and Alex was excited to visit them, the weekend after this dinner party Raf was throwing.
Alex’s new life was chaotic, on the best sense. He had so much work, all the time, but he had learned a lot about time management and self-care, in the past 12 years. He wasn’t burning out anymore, and he was being safe. His dog, Freddie, was still the best part of his time at home. As the golden retriever he was, Freddie was cuddly and lovable, but also enjoyed running, playing, and swimming, almost as much as Alex did. Freddie was his best friend. No doubts there.
His mom and Leo moved back to Austin once her time in the White House had expired. They were now retired, enjoying their lives travelling and being together. Oscar was, weirdly to both Alex and June, their best friend, and the 3 of them were always seen together. Alex was more than happy with his family, his job, his puppy. But he still was missing a big part of him.
No one, and at this point it was really no one for real, in his family, understood how Alex was still holding space in his life, for Henry. They tried. They were as supportive as someone would be, for those first 8 years. But he was getting older, he had no interest on dating anyone else, and people were starting to feel bad for him.
Alex had kept tracks of Henry, from afar and in a non-creepy way, of course. The prince wasn’t publicly dating anyone, he was sure of that. He was also not out, although he had texted Alex on the day of his coming out magazine cover, to tell him how brave he was, and that he was proud of him.
They had kept very little, but existent, contact, since Alex’s first election. Once Alex answered to Henry’s congratulation text, with a ‘It’s definitely what I wished for my professional life. Not all I have wished for’, Alex thought Henry would ignore him. But he didn’t. At all. Henry had answered him back, and given him hope, with a single word ‘Yet’.
They exchanged a couple messages when Alex’s campaign for senator started, and that meant the world to Alex. He knew Henry saw politics as a prison, just like his royal life, yet Henry took the time to support him, and congratulate him, on all steps he took in this direction. He knew how much it meant to Alex, and he was there for it.
Alex texted Henry when David died. It was a really sad day for him, thinking how much Henry loved his baby, and how devastated he probably was, with his best friend’s passing. To be fair, most of the world had sent him their condolences on his IG post, but Alex felt the need to reach out to him personally. He used all the persuasion he had in his body, to convince Shaan, Zahra’s now husband and father of her kids, to send him a basket that wouldn’t be denied by PPOs. Shaan used his contacts to make sure it would get to Henry, in his new NY home, and in return, Alex had babysat their babies for a whole weekend, so they could take a vacation.
The basket, carefully thought out by Alex for hours, had all of Henry’s favorites, including the so hard to find Cornettos, that he had flown out from a Latin American country. Henry took a whole week to answer Alex back, with a text saying ‘Thank you. So much. -H’. That was the last time Alex heard of Henry, 9 months ago.
“You okay there, kiddo?” Asked Rafael Luna, the president, taking Alex out of his memories.
“Mr. President.” Alex said, complimenting his old friend.
“Stop that, Senator. I changed your dippers; you don’t get to call me ‘Mr. President’ to my face.” He said, laughing.
“My mom pushed me out of her vagina, and I still had to call her Madam President, from time to time.” Alex shot back, making both of them laugh.
“Fair enough, son, fair enough. Did I interrupt something? You seemed a bit distracted.”
“Nothing much, really. I was just thinking, remembering. Lots of memories here, you know.” Alex moved his head around, showing what he meant.
“Definitely must be weird to be a guest on a home you lived in for so long. Maybe it’s time you return to it.” Rafael said, raising his eyebrows.
“I only now just started my new job, you already trying to get me to go for another one?” Alex joked back, knowing fully well Raf was aware of his plans.
“We both know you’ll start campaigning as soon as possible. Actually, you started over a decade ago. And we both know, you can actually do it. You have my support; you know that too.”
“We will see, Raf, we will see.” Alex said, trying not to get too ahead of the moment. He still had a lot to do as Senator, presidency could wait. “Sir, do you mind if I walk around a bit? I would like to relieve some other memories, if you don’t mind me walking around some of your house.”
“Mi casa, su casa, mijo. I’ll let the guards know you have full access.” He said, winking at Alex, and leaving. The youngest one, was very grateful for that.
Alex took his time seeing the property. He never got to go into the rooms, he wasn’t comfortable with that idea, but he spent some time in the family room, the gardens, library, and other places around. He didn’t even care he was missing on the opportunity to mingle and get more acquainted with the other people he was working with. Alex needed some time to take in the place he called home, for such a long time.
He was on his way back to the ballroom, when he noticed the door to the red room was open. The red room. God, how long had it been since he saw that room? He refused going back in there, after Henry wasn’t his anymore. One of his favorite memories was making out with his closeted prince, mid an important dinner, and pressing him against a wall, as if no one could ever be around to witness that. Amy gave him shit for that for years. She was never over the scene she had walked into, and the way the two young men had tried to pretend nothing was happening.
Alex doesn’t think twice, before walking into the room, but is completely frozen, when he does. Firstly, the red room was now blue. That was quite the change. But that wasn’t the reason why he stopped, fully frozen on his feet.
Standing in the middle of the room, with his back turned to the door, checking the books in one of the shelves, and still unaware of Alex’s presence, was the one person he had not stopped thinking about, but didn’t think he would meet there.
Henry.
“The problem with the way you’re standing there, looking at the books, is that I don’t know if you are doing it to hide what you were actually doing before I came in, or if you are genuinely looking for something to read.” Alex said, before being able to hold himself back. “Your Majesty.” He completed, with a smirk on his face.
Henry turned so fast; he almost lost his balance. He looked back at Alex, with an expression that the young senator could not read. And after a few seconds, trying to figure out what to say, or what to do, he finally opened his mouth.
“No book in this room has enough words to express how I’m feeling right now.” Is what he chooses, confusing Alex. Before the American could say anything at all, he continued. “I guess, in general, there aren’t enough words in this world that I can use, to apologize to you.”
“Henry…” Alex started, but he didn’t even know what to say. What was Henry trying to say? Why is he bringing out anything other than a cordial conversation right now?
“No, Alex, please, let me speak.” The prince continued, and Alex agreed with his head. He finally finished walking into the room, and closed the door behind him. “Sensible.” Said Henry, to that gesture. Alex agreed once more. “I know I have no rights to ask you for anything. At all. I know I have put you through hell for so long. I know I have fucked up, and Alex, I’m so sorry.”
“Henry, I don’t need this. Not right now. We agreed on not talking about it until you were ready for it, and I have waited for way too long for you to fuck it up now.” Alex said, scared of where the conversation was going.
“That’s what I’m trying to say, if you let me continue.” Henry laughed, cutting him off. “I don’t deserve you; I don’t deserve how amazing you have been for all these years. You don’t deserve what I put you through. But I’m done with it. I’m ready. Now.” Henry said, looking into Alex’s eyes.
“You’re ready? For what?” Alex asked, still not understanding what was happening.
“I gave an interview to Vogue yesterday.” Henry said, and that actually angered Alex.
“An interview? You want to talk about an interview? Henry, I’ve been waiting for 12 years to talk to you, to hug you, to have you, and when you finally decide to speak to me, you want to talk about an interview? Are you fucking insane?” Alex snapped, irritated, annoyed. “I’ve been in love with you, for forever. I’ve been trying to get over you, find someone else, move on, forever. But when I told you that you had the keys to my heart, I guess I really meant it. Because you do. And now you are here, in front of me, breaking this barrier we had for over a decade, to tell me you gave an interview?” He’s actually triggered.
“Alex, I came out.” Henry said, still in a low, controlled voice. Which was such a contrast to Alex’s almost screams. But that one sentence was enough to bring Alex back down, focus again.
“You did what?” Alex asked, still trying to process his words.
“I came out, on Vogue, yesterday. I mean, the issue won’t be out for a couple more weeks, but it’s out there now. I gave them a full interview, I explained to them the whole thought process behind me finally doing it, and it’s going to be everywhere soon.”
“What? Why? How? How were you allowed to do that?” Alex was still a bit in shock, so he was not processing things fully.
“Because I’m free to do so, now.” Henry answered. Confusing Alex once more. “Since yesterday morning, I’m not longer a working royal. I’m just Henry Fox, no more HRH. That also won’t hit the news for a couple more days, but it was on my request. I wanted to do it in person, and I knew I had this dinner to attend because of Pez’s foundation, and I knew you’d be here.” He said, taking a couple steps towards Alex, closing the distance between them.
“Because when I look back at these past 12 years of my life, everything looks grey. There’s no color, no emotion, no feeling, on any of it, other than the parts you were there for. Because when I told you to leave, and you actually left, my entire life was over for me. Because when I finally had the courage to open and read your email, a day prior to travelling down here for your mom’s dinner, my entire soul was ripped apart, and sent to all remote corners of the planet. And when I wanted to say fuck it, all of it, and just kiss you senseless once I had you in front of me, I had your words playing in my head nonstop.”
“You needed me to be ready for you. To be ready to accept the love and happiness I could have with you. And I wasn’t. I was sad, and desperate, and I missed you so much it hurt breathing. But I wasn’t ready. I was so scared, Alex. I was scared of everything, everyone. I was scared I would never be ready to be with you, fully, whole heartedly. I was scared I had hurt you too much, and you would never want to look at me again. Or that I had made you wait for way too long, and had lost my window of chance. But God, I worked every day to be the man you needed me to be. The man I needed to be. I’m sorry it took so long, I’m sorry I chickened out so many times and didn’t do it sooner. But I’m here, now, ready for you. For us. Free to be myself. If you’ll take me.” The prince said, almost in just one breath, so quickly that Alex’s brain couldn’t compute it all at once.
There was a lot Alex wanted to say. A lot they would have to discuss, and come to terms with. But they waited long enough. That conversation could wait a bit more.
Alex was kissing Henry, before either of them had the chance to take a breath. Henry, who wasn’t expecting for it, ended up taking a couple steps back, trying to keep them both standing, and he was lucky enough that his back found a wall, to be pressed again.
Deep down, in both of their minds, a part of them was laughing at the irony of that situation. They were making out, in the red room, amid a White House dinner party, after neither of them knew where their relationship was going. But they didn’t care. They needed each other, for the first time in forever, they felt complete. History does seem to repeat itself, even if it takes way too long for that.
They separate for air, and Alex is still trying to process it out.
“You came out, for me? You abdicated your title, for me?” He asks, making sense of it.
“For us, technically. But yes. I’m sorry…” Henry couldn’t finish his sentence, because Alex’s mouth was on his again, and they were making out, hardcore, against some priceless art.
“I told you to take your time. I told you I’d wait. Enough with the apologies, we are here. That’s all I care about.” Alex says, once they break for air again.
“So, I guess you will take me?” Henry said, laughing, feeling lighter than he had ever felt before.
“Are you sure of it?” Alex asks, making Henry roll his eyes. “I mean it, H. You know my goals; you know my end game. You just got your freedom from the royal family, do you really want to be the husband to the president of the US?” Alex asked, making Henry smile.
“Husband, hm?” He raised his eyebrows.
“If I get you, I get you forever, Henry George. It’s a package deal. You move in with me, tomorrow. We will be married, by the end of the year. And in less than 4 years, I’ll be running for president, with you by my side. Do you think you can do that?” Alex asked, knowing the answer, but still scared. He couldn’t lose Henry again, not after all of this.
“With one condition.” He said, making Alex’s heart palpitate. “I get to do an actual proposal, because there’s no way we are counting this as our engagement.”
“Deal.” And they kissed again. Sealing their deal, closing the worst chapter of their lives, and started the best one to come.