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When Seungmin woke up that morning, he knew it wasn’t going to be a good day.
He woke up thirty minutes before his alarm was supposed to go off, making him the first person to wake up. He groaned into his pillow, and after ten minutes, he realized he wouldn’t be falling back asleep. He rolled out of bed, figuring he could make breakfast for the day and save Minho the hassle.
He stumbled down the hallway to the kitchen, trying to be silent for the other three boys. He looked through the pantry but nothing looked appetizing. He ended up grabbing the ingredients for kimchi jjigae, knowing that the others liked it. He made it with little to no enthusiasm, but he did his best in hopes of the others complimenting him on it.
When he was almost finished with it, he heard light footsteps padding down the hallway.
“Kim Seungmin?” He turned around and saw Minho taking a seat at the counter. “Are you taking my job now?”
“Just this once, hyung,” he sighed. He wasn’t planning on waking up this early anytime soon.
“Oh, I hope so. No one can cook as well as me.” That wasn’t necessarily true, but Seungmin didn’t say anything.
A few minutes later, Felix and Jeongin joined them.
“Seungminnie’s making breakfast?” Felix asked. “Hyung, what did you do?”
“I didn’t ask him to.”
“I woke up early,” Seungmin interjected, “so I figured I would.”
“Smells good,” Jeongin commented groggily, sitting next to Minho.
Seungmin dished everyone up and sat down next to Minho, Felix joining him. When he took a bite, he was surprised; it wasn’t bad.
Felix hummed happily. “This is good, Seungmin-ah! Maybe you should be making breakfast instead.”
“Yah!” Minho scolded. “Are you saying he’s better than me?” I’m better than you, is what Seungmin heard. It definitely wasn’t going to be a good day.
“No…” Felix said meekly in between bites.
“It is good, though, hyung.” Seungmin looked around Minho at Jeongin and the maknae gave him a tired smile, which he was able to return.
The morning was pretty slow. They were supposed to have an easy day at the company, which Seungmin was very glad about.
His last schedule was their group dance practice. It would end at five o’clock, so they’d have plenty of time to relax afterwards and maybe watch a movie together - except for 3RACHA, Seungmin thought. They were probably planning on staying late.
He and Jeongin arrived at the practice room at the same time, and Seungmin just wanted to go home. Vocals went well, but he felt like his voice was a little strained by the end of it and he wasn’t sure why. He just hoped it would go away by the end of the day.
It didn’t.
He already felt done with the day halfway through practice. The sweat clinging to him made his skin crawl in a way that it never usually did and he felt like he made a few too many mistakes, but no one criticized him, so he must have done alright.
Half of the members fell to the floor during one of their breaks, but Seungmin headed for his water bottle. He reached out for it, but right before he could touch it, a different hand got in the way. He looked up and watched as Minho drank from his water bottle, staring unimpressed until he finished ten seconds later.
“Hyung.”
“What? Gotta stay hydrated.” Minho shoved the bottle into Seungmin’s chest and walked away.
Asshole, Seungmin thought bitterly. He was truly upset - he couldn’t deal with Minho’s jokes when he was already feeling terrible.
Unable to muster up the will to argue back, Seungmin just lifted the bottle to his lips. Five seconds later, he lowered it.
“Hyung,” he called across the room, “you drank all my water.”
Minho raised an eyebrow. “So? Go fill it.” I don’t care, he heard.
“You drank my water.”
“I don’t see your point. Hurry up, you have less than two minutes.” You’re wasting my time.
Seungmin sucked in a breath and felt like he was about to explode. He was so frustrated that he had to leave the room, even if Minho hadn’t told him to - he didn’t want to be there anyway.
It took him a minute just to get to the water fountain down the hallway. He leaned his forehead against the wall and closed his eyes while his water bottle filled, but there was nothing in the world that would make him feel better.
The sound of water splashing brought him back to the land of the living. His eyes flew open and he snatched his bottle away from the stream, but that only served to spill more water onto the floor.
“Are you fucking kidding me,” he muttered, stomping his foot. His hand was wet, his bottle was wet, the floor was wet, and he was the only person in the vicinity.
The small amount of selflessness that he found in his heart forced him to set his water bottle down and go into the bathroom for paper towels. If he couldn’t make himself happy, he could at least save someone from slipping and falling on their ass.
Once all of the water was cleaned up, he knew that he missed more than a few minutes of practice. He had a strong urge to just leave and go home early because he knew that Minho would make another remark, and he really didn’t want to hear that again.
But he was a loyal artist and would hate himself if he skipped practice.
He speed-walked back to their practice room and opened the door, not pausing or sparing a glance at the dancing members as he went to his bag to return his water bottle.
“Kim Seungmin,” Minho scolded a few seconds later, “what the hell are you doing?”
“I filled my water, hyung,” he responded, fighting to keep his voice neutral and stable.
“For ten minutes?”
“Yes, hyung.”
Seungmin had a stroke of luck, because Minho finally stopped talking and let him return to practice. He felt a few glances from the others, but he couldn’t have cared less.
He only realized ten minutes later when his throat dried that he didn’t drink any water.
There were a couple more breaks before practice was over and he nearly finished his bottle again by the end of it. Minho was trying to gather everyone to discuss the shower order and dinner, seeing as he was the oldest without Chan and his dorm would be full. Seungmin already knew that Hyunjin would come to their dorm after his shower, meaning there were five people to feed.
“I’m showering first,” Minho said before anyone else could get a word out.
Seungmin raised his hand and shouted, “Second!” at the same time that Felix and Jeongin did. Minho didn’t even glance at him.
“Felix second, Jeongin third, Kim Seungmin last.” You can suffer the longest.
Anger spiked again at the full name, knowing that there was no reason for it.
“Can we have Chinese for dinner?” Jeongin suggested.
“What do the rest of you want?” Minho asked, looking at the remaining members after 3RACHA left.
“Pizza!”
“Hyung, you should make something.”
Seungmin decided to speak up. “Can we just order chicken or something?”
Minho, again, didn’t look at him. “Pizza or Chinese?” I don’t care about what you want.
The ball of anger in his chest was unfurling and turning into hurt. Why was Minho ignoring him and shutting down everything he said?
Seungmin didn’t vote to make it more ideal for Minho - and to see if the older boy would notice. Hyunjin and Felix voted for pizza while Jeongin voted for Chinese.
“Alright. Order the pizza on the way to the dorm, will you?”
It took Seungmin a second to realize that Minho was speaking to him. He nodded his head before he registered what Minho had said, then the hurt increased. Why couldn’t Minho just be quiet?
Seungmin listened, nonetheless, and ordered what he knew everyone liked while in the car. He used his own card because he didn’t want to ask if someone else wanted to pay, and no one stopped him.
He went straight to his room when they arrived at the dorm. He was too gross to sit on his bed, so he just plopped down onto the floor and closed his eyes. If he weren’t so sweaty he might have actually fallen asleep.
There was a knock on his door sometime later. “Seungminnie, the shower’s open!”
Seungmin felt a little better at Felix’s cheery voice compared to Minho’s scolding tone. He peeled himself off of the floor and gathered his things, then he left to take a nice, cold shower. He felt a little refreshed afterwards.
The pizza arrived while he was in the shower, so he headed to the kitchen. Minho, Hyunjin, Felix, and Jeongin were sitting at the table and conversing quietly while he went to the counter with three pizza boxes.
He looked through all of them for the hamburger pizza he’d ordered for himself, but he couldn’t find it. There was more cheese than anything.
He turned towards the table to look at what the others were eating, and he spotted something on Minho’s plate that looked a little too much like his pizza.
“Hyung, do you have the hamburger pizza?”
Minho paused mid-bite. “Yeah.”
“Can I have some of it?” There were two untouched slices left on Minho’s plate.
“No. Get your own.” I don’t care if you starve.
“But hyung, I wanted—”
“Yeah, and I wanted pepperoni but someone didn’t order enough. So I’m having this instead.” Seungmin scowled. Minho knew that Seungmin liked hamburger the best, and Seungmin knew that Minho liked pepperoni the best. Just because there wasn’t any pepperoni left didn’t mean that Minho had to take Seungmin’s pizza when he could have taken cheese instead. “It’s not like you need any more pizza anyway.”
Seungmin’s chest constricted and he turned back to the pizza box. He had been eating more than usual for the past few weeks, but he wasn’t expecting anyone to say anything about it. And boy did it sting.
The others must have noticed the tense atmosphere, because they began to clear their empty plates and went to the living room, leaving the two alone.
Seungmin took one slice of cheese and sat at the table, but Minho stood at that same moment. He went to the trash and Seungmin almost thought that he was going to throw his pizza away, but he kept the leftover pieces and put them back in one of the boxes. Then he left towards the others.
Seungmin wasn’t hungry anymore.
He stood abruptly and put his pizza slice back as well, feeling tears spring to his eyes. It was so unfair. Why couldn’t Minho be nice to him for one day?
Did Minho not care about him?
Seungmin grabbed his phone and left the dorm without a word. He went to the other dorm where he knew there was no one to judge him or make snarky comments.
He found himself going to Chan’s room. He thought that the oldest sent him the most glances throughout the day, and he knew that Chan would never hurt him. Just being in the presence of his belongings was enough to make him feel the slightest bit better.
He knew that Chan wouldn’t be home for at least another hour or two, so he crawled underneath his blanket to lay down for a while. Maybe watching one of his favorite movies would help him forget the painful feeling of being subject to Minho’s teasing and hate.
Unsurprisingly, it didn’t.
The movie ended and he was still sulking in the darkness of Chan’s room, feeling his eyes burn again. Why did he feel so bad?
He sat up and ran his hands through his hair. He tried to think of something else to cheer him up, but he couldn’t find anything.
Then he realized that he just wanted Minho to be nice to him. That was the only way to relieve himself of the pain. And the best way to do that was to tell Minho off and show him what he did, but Seungmin was younger than him. He couldn’t do anything.
So, Chan it was. He found himself wanting Chan to be there to cure his bad feelings, even if it wasn’t Minho-related. The oldest was everyone’s comfort person.
He sent a text to Chan: Hyung, can you come home? I need you. I’m in your room.
Chan responded: Of course. Is everything okay?
Seungmin bit his lip. I don’t feel good but it’s not physical. Chan could decipher that on his own.
Knowing that Chan was on his way, Seungmin wiped the tear that fell down his cheek with a sigh. The drive would only be a few minutes.
He pulled his legs up to his chest when he heard the front door open, but it only seemed like one person entered. That was perfect. Seungmin rested his chin on his knees and Chan walked into the room a few seconds later with a smile on his face.
“Hey, Minnie,” he said softly, setting his bag on the floor and toeing off his shoes. He sat down next to Seungmin and watched another tear fall. “What’s wrong, hm?”
“It’s just… Minho hyung,” Seungmin sniffled. He leaned his head on Chan’s shoulder and the older boy finally wrapped an arm around him.
“What happened? Was it during practice?”
He nodded. “He drank all of my water and made me fill it up, but then I spilled water on the floor and had to clean it up. That’s why I was late after break. Then he wouldn’t listen to my opinion and he just ignored me. He took my pizza too but he didn’t even eat it.”
Chan hummed. “Did that upset you? You’re usually fine with those things and bicker back and forth.”
“Yeah. I was already having a bad day and then of course hyung just had to make it worse.” His voice became teary and he lifted his hands to wipe his face.
Chan held him a little tighter. “Did you try talking to him about it?”
Seungmin nodded. “I did but he kept cutting me off. He won’t listen to me, hyung. He doesn’t… He’s acting like he doesn’t care about me at all.”
Chan turned and wrapped both arms around Seungmin, and he leaned into the touch gratefully.
“He does care about you, I promise. He probably didn’t realize that you weren’t feeling good.”
Seungmin’s breath hitched and he sniffled. He wasn’t sure what to say about that.
Chan rubbed his back and hummed again. “Can I bring Minho here so you can talk it out? You know you need to.”
Seungmin nodded. He wasn’t too keen on Minho seeing him vulnerable like this, but maybe that would help the older boy understand how much he hurt him.
Chan sent a text to Minho, just telling him to come to his room for an emergency. He didn’t get a response, but they heard the front door open a few minutes later. There were light footsteps and a sigh before Minho appeared, and he froze in the doorway at the sight.
“Come here,” Chan said, voice not as soft as before. Minho listened, but his eyes bounced back and forth between the leader and the crying boy next to him.
“What’s… going on?” he asked suspiciously, standing on Chan’s side of the bed.
Chan released Seungmin and the younger boy wiped his face. He looked at Chan pleadingly and the older boy sighed.
“Minho, there’s something you and Seungmin need to talk about. I think there’s been some miscommunication between you two.”
Minho’s confusion slowly turned into pain, but he didn’t speak.
“Hyung,” Seungmin started quietly, staring at the blanket, “I don’t really know what to say.”
“Just tell him what you told me,” Chan prompted gently.
Seungmin nodded. “Um… Why did you drink my water at practice?” He could start with something simple.
“I didn’t think it was a big deal. I was just messing around. I really didn’t think it would take more than two minutes.”
“I was tired and spilled it and I had to clean it up.” Seungmin was starting to gain more confidence. “Then you just… You made me shower last and wouldn’t look at me. Then I bought the pizza myself even though I didn’t want it, but you ate my pizza when you knew I was going to eat it. And you didn’t even finish it. You said something about my eating habits and I just… I was already having a bad day and you didn’t notice. I can never know how you’re actually feeling and sometimes I can’t tell if you even want me around. It’s just so hard to tell, hyung.”
Another tear fell and he felt his breath quicken at the admission, but his chest felt lighter after getting it all out. There was a minute of silence.
“Seungmin, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you felt that way. Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice was soft, but it wasn’t helping his case.
“I tried, hyung, but you kept cutting me off. Everything felt like an insult and I gave up.”
“Seungmin, I… I’m really sorry. I do want you around. I care about you and I’m sorry for never saying it. You know I’m not good with those things. But it is one hundred percent my fault and I never should have assumed that you were okay with everything. I should have checked with you to make sure I wasn’t going too far. Did I go too far?”
Seungmin shrugged. “It was the same as it always was, I think. But today wasn’t a good day. I would probably be fine right now if it were any other day.”
“Next time you feel this way can you tell me? And if I don’t listen then make me listen. I won’t get mad.”
Seungmin rubbed his eyes with two fists, then he felt the bed dip in front of him. He looked up in surprise and just saw Minho’s concerned face. He grew even more surprised when Minho’s arms opened, but he didn’t hesitate before falling into them. Minho held him tightly and rubbed his back.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered into Seungmin’s ear. Seungmin rarely cried, so knowing that he caused this was heartbreaking. “I love you, okay? I can say it more often if you want. I’d rather piss off the company by dropping the divorce concept than hurt you.”
Seungmin smiled into Minho’s shoulder. Deep down, he knew that Minho never meant to hurt him, but it was so hard to believe without the older boy himself.
“I’m sorry too.”
“No, it’s not your fault. I hurt your feelings, intentionally or not, and that’ll always be my fault.”
Seungmin’s tears stopped and the hug lasted a few more minutes. He felt much better, but still not great. Minho still couldn’t fill the weird gap in his chest that had been present since he’d woken up.
Minho pulled away and held his shoulders, staring into the younger boy’s eyes. Seungmin wasn’t sure what he was looking for, but he looked to the side a few seconds later.
“Thank you, hyung,” Minho said. Seungmin turned his head - he forgot that Chan was even there. “I’m sorry.”
Chan smiled and put a hand on both of their shoulders. “Don’t thank me,” he chuckled. “But don’t let this happen again, understand?”
They both nodded, knowing that Chan was speaking lightly.
“What are the others doing?” he asked Minho. “I sent Binnie and Sungie to them.”
“They’re watching a movie. I’m not sure what it’s called.”
“Do you wanna go join them?”
Minho nodded and looked back at Seungmin, who shrugged.
“I might just go to bed,” he said quietly. “It’s been a long day.”
Minho’s eyes narrowed. “Did you eat?”
Seungmin averted his gaze, which was enough of an answer for Minho. The older boy stood and pulled Seungmin up by his bicep, dragging him out of the room.
“Hyung, you should go see the others. I’ll deal with his punishment.”
Both Chan and Seungmin grinned - Minho’s method of punishment would definitely be stuffing Seungmin’s face full of pizza.
They went to the other dorm together and Chan continued to the living room where loud booms were coming from. Minho pulled Seungmin into the kitchen and looked through the pizza boxes.
“Did you really put your pizza back in here?”
Seungmin eyed him. “Yes? I didn’t touch it. And you put yours back too.”
Minho just hummed before finding the two leftover slices of hamburger, putting them on a plate, and popping them in the microwave. They stood in silence until it beeped, then Minho pulled it out and brought it to the table. He set it in front of a chair before claiming the one next to it as his own.
“Hurry up,” he said when Seungmin didn’t move. He truly appreciated what Minho was doing now that he knew.
Minho stayed with him while he ate. When the plate was empty, Minho even threw it away for him. Seungmin was baffled.
“Hyung, you really don’t have to do all of this. I’m okay.”
Minho sighed and leaned against the counter. “I don’t believe you. You overthink everything and I know that actions help you more than words.”
How did Minho know that?
“Oh.” Seungmin was touched no matter how weird it was. “Thank you.”
“Enough of that. Are you going to bed or what?”
Seungmin didn’t want to go to sleep anymore. He wasn’t as tired as before and a little more of the bad feeling had lifted while he was eating. The movie sounded action-packed, and he liked those ones.
“Actually, I think I’ll watch the movie.”
“Okay. Come on.” Again, weird, but not unwelcome.
He followed Minho into the living room and everyone’s heads snapped towards them. Seungmin tried to make himself smaller, but it didn’t work very well. There were two open cushions at the end of the couch and he knew that they were specifically saved for him and Minho. He glanced at Chan on his way, and the leader had a smile on his face and an arm around Jisung’s shoulders.
Minho sat down first and Seungmin sat on the end of the couch. The movie seemed like a car chase, which wasn’t necessarily interesting but hopefully was entertaining.
When everyone’s attention averted, Seungmin sighed and leaned back into the couch. The feeling was almost fully gone and he knew that he would feel much better the next day. He was still a little upset with Minho, but the older boy was trying his best and Seungmin could tell that he cared.
Neither of them were great at showing it, but that only meant that they understood each other better than anyone else, no matter how much reassurance one of them might need from time to time.