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Chapter Text

Lugunica: All five camps are together in the capital, where meetings occur, and rigmarole is afoot. While meet and greets happen, two brothers from a distant land reminisce about life back home.

"Man, it's been a while since we were all together,"

Subaru says to Reinhard, who smiles.

"I agree. I always enjoy these meetings. It is indeed pleasant to converse as friends,"

While Subaru and Reinhard are speaking, Julius and Felix join them. They enjoy each other's company while their ladies converse with one another. Al walks up and waves. Reinhard and Julius smile and bow while Felix waves joyfully. Al looks at Subaru:

"Dillon!"

Al shouts enthusiastically. He changes his accent, which causes the knights to look at him with confusion. 

"You son of a bitch!"

Al suddenly calling Subaru a son of bitch draws the attention of those around him. Beatrice goes to reprimand the helmeted knight for his transgression, but Subaru smiles, and the two firmly grasp one another's hands. They both flex their biceps. 

"What's the matter?" Al questions, still in a strange accent, "The CIA got you pushing too many pencils?"

Subaru and Al start to laugh, causing those around them to stare at them. 

"Predator, nice!" Subaru says, "What a classic movie!"

"I know, bro! I was thinking about it on the way here and figured—what the hell? When I see my bro, I'll greet him like Dutch greeting Dillon,"

Al puts his arm around Subaru, and the two continue talking about the movie Predator. Meanwhile, Emilia and Priscilla stare at their two knights with utter perplexity. 

"I haven't seen it in so long, man, what I wouldn't give to watch it!"

"Same, bro! Fuck, you remember that scene where Arnold is like, GET TO THA CHOPPA!"

Subaru laughs, "Hell yeah, I do! I shouted that once to Beako when we walked to the carriage, but you know how it is? No one got it the reference,"

Beatrice stares at Subaru. She remembers when Subaru had shouted, "GET TO THA CARRIAGE!" but assumed her contractor was being his typical self. She had wondered then about the look of nostalgia he held after making that comment and was curious why he looked so sad. 

"Su-Subaru, Betty wants to know about the Predator, in fact," Beatrice asks, attempting to join the conversation. 

"I'll tell you about it, but man! I wish you could see it!"

Subaru looks at Al, "Yo bro, speaking of Arnold movies. What about Terminator 2? Do you ever think about that?"

"All the time, bro! Man, I remember this one time, Princess was sending me to get her something to eat or something, and I looked at her and was like, "I'll be back," but you know, she didn't get it." Al placed his hand on Subaru's shoulder. "Bro, I'm so glad you are around to talk about this stuff,"

"Of course, bro! What are friends for?" 

Emilia interjects, "Uh, Subaru, it's good you two are such good friends, but what are you talking about?" 

"Nonsense, of course!" Priscilla says, "These two morons forget others are around to hear their prattling," 

Al and Subaru didn't pay either girl any attention, causing Emilia and Priscilla to exchange looks, "Bro, speaking of movies, what was the last movie you saw in theaters?" 

Subaru thinks momentarily, "Uh, well, I got zapped here in, like, 2012, I think?"

Subaru's comments earn more confused looks, "Subaru, what do you mean zapped here?"

Subaru looks at Reinhard, "Uh, well, it's hard to explain," 

Reinhard starts questioning him, but Subaru shifts his focus back to Al, "Oh yeah! The Avengers! I saw that with my dad! He was big into Western comics. Did you see it?"

"Subaru, what are you talking about with Sir Al?" Julius interjects, still wishing for Subaru to answer Reinhard's question. 

Subaru starts to answer him, but Al distracts him, "No, I was brought here before that. But the Avengers? Man, that would have been cool to see! The last Superhero movie I saw was Batman Forever. Did you see it?"

"Nah, like, I've heard of it, but it seemed pretty goofy for a Batman film. I watched The Dark Knight. It was cool,"

Al shrugs, "Unfortunately, bro, it was 1995 when I showed up here,"

"Damn, bro! I wasn't even born!" 

Al laughs, "Well, now I feel old!"

"Al! What are you and that fool talking about?"

"Hang on, Princess, I'll tell you,"

Priscilla growls and takes out her fan. She fans herself furiously,  annoyed that her knight blew her off. 

Standing nearby, Anastasia stares at the two of them, drooling.

"Say, what video game systems were out before you got isekai'd here?" Subaru asks suddenly.

Everyone looks at one another, "Isekai'd?" Several of them repeat the strange word.

Al laughs, "Isekai'd?" he repeats, "Uh, well, bro? I guess it would have been the Super Nintendo?"

"Classic system! My dad had one, and we used to play Super Mario together,"

"Subaru-kun?" Rem tries to interject, "What's Super Mario?"

"I'll tell you later, Rem."

Al and Subaru proceed to discuss Nintendo's classic backlog. Garfiel tried his attempt to join in on the conversation. 

"Hey, Cap'n! What was that about Mor-tol combat? It sounds awesome! What's it about?"

Subaru looks at Garfiel, "Bro, I wish we could play it! You basically fight each other to the death! It's awesome! You would love it!"

Garfiel blinks, "Uh, fight each other to the death?"

"Subaru! You have killed someone before we met?!"

Emilia is shocked by the sudden admission.

"What? Oh, no. It's just a game," 

Emilia tilts her head, still not grasping what the two are discussing.

Al looks at Garfiel and then at Subaru, "BRO! I just realized, but Pal here is named 'Garfield?' Bro, how do you not laugh whenever you say his name?"

Garfiel looks shocked. He looks at Subaru, who snorts, "Well, man, he doesn't have the letter, "d" at the end of his name—but dude! Did you know my bro Garfiel turns into a giant orange cat with black stripes!?"

Al starts laughing hysterically, "No, you're lying! Ain't no way little bro is turning into a giant tabby cat!"

Subaru and Al start laughing together. The mood around the two grows more and more awkward. 

Al wipes a tear from under his helmet, "Bro, tell me: Have you introduced lasagna to 'Garfield'?"

Subaru laughs loudly, "Holy shit, I haven't! But I should! I bet he would love it!" 

"Does he hate Mondays, too?"

"You know, now that you mention it?"

The two continue to laugh. Garfiel's face starts to turn red. 

"Barusu, please stop being more of a moron than usual. You two are causing a scene!"

Subaru salutes, "Oh sorry, nee-sama!" he looks at Garfiel, "Bro, I'm just messing around,"

Ram starts to speak, but Subaru looks back at Al and starts speaking Japanese with him, causing even more confusion. Al responds, and the two continue laughing. It's unsure what the two friends are talking about, but it was apparent to those staring at them that it was between friends. 

Subaru and Al bump fists, "Alright, bro, I think we have to get going,"

"Yeah, bro! This was real fun!" 

Subaru holds up his hand, palm forward, and makes the sign of the letter "v," "live long and prosper!"

Al shrugs, "Sorry, I get that is Spock's thing, but I was more into Star Wars," 

"Bro! You didn't watch any Star Trek? Not even the Next Generation?" 

"I mean, some of it, but I liked more Star Wars,"

"Dude, I'm not dissing the original trilogy, but you must admit that Gene Roddenberry was a genius!" 

"Was he the guy who made Star Trek?"

Subaru's mouth hangs open, "How are you older than me and don't know Star Trek?"

"It's not that I haven't heard of it, I just like Star Wars," 

"Subaru!"

"Al!"

Subaru and Al look at Emilia and Priscilla and then back at each other. 

"Woman, am I right?"

"Dude, you don't even know?"

Al and Subaru perform their secret handshake, and the two depart. 

In the carriage, Subaru stares out the window. It's silent, and those in the Emilia camp cast glances at him. 

"Subaru…" Emilia calls to him. Subaru looks her way, 

"What's up, Emilia-tan?"

Emilia realized something while Al and Subaru spoke: she had never asked Subaru about his home or things that he liked. 

"Subaru, could you tell us about Star Trek?" 

Emilia asks, causing Subaru to smile brightly.

"Absolutely!" 

Just as Subaru is about to speak, Beatrice pulls on his sleeve. Subaru looks down at her, "Betty wants to have a secret handshake with Subaru, in fact!"

Subaru laughs and ruffles her hair. 

"Cap'n! About that, uh, Lasagna, you mentioned! Is it good?" 

Subaru chuckles, "Bro, it will blow you away!"

"Rem would be interested in cooking it. Could Subaru-kun help Rem with the ingredients?" 

Subaru nods, "You bet! When we return to Arlam, let's shop for the ingredients, Rem,"

"Heh, if Barusu is going to cook, then Ram will help. She knows he is useless at peeling tatoes,"

"There aren't tatoes in lasagna!"

"What sort of dish doesn't have tatoes, Barusu?"

While Ram and Subaru discuss foods without tatoes, elsewhere, Al is explaining the plot of Predator to Priscilla, who listens with great interest.

Chapter Text

Gathered together again, five rival camps sit with one another for a meal in a Kararagi inn. The purpose of five camps being in the same place simultaneously is irrelevant. Conversations are joyful despite the "fierce" competition surrounding the royal selection, with talk centered around this and that. And it was during this frivolous talking of nothing in particular that it happened. 

"Yeah, it was reeeaaally funny what Subaru did. He-" 

Emilia looks to Subaru as she is about to relay to Priscilla about his funny cat impersonation. His face is red, and his jaw tightens. He starts dry-heaving and grasps ahold of the table, causing all those around him to take notice. 

"Su-Subaru, what's wrong-"

Subaru falls backward, screaming in pain, arching his back and tearing with his left hand at his track jacket, his right arm lying motionless to his side. 

"SUBARU!" 

"SUBARU-KUN!"

"CAP'N!"

"BARUSU!"

"STAND BACK. MAKE ROOM, IN FACT!" 

Betty pushes everyone back, "Subaru! Speak to Betty! What's wrong, I wonder!?"

Betty attempts to grab him while others stare in fear and horror as the boy thrashes around on the floor.

"Felix! Do something!"

Crusch shouts, and the blue is by his side in an instant.

"Hang on, Subawu-kun!" he shouts, applying a steady stream of healing magic.

Subaru screams, "It's tearing at my insides! I can't contain it!"

"Subaru! What is it!" Emilia shouts, on the verge of tears. Rem tries to push through, Ram holding her back, while Beatrice tries her best to calm him.

Frederica holds Petra, who stares at Subaru, crying. Spica, also in her arms, trying to get to him. 

Meili sits beside her, a face of fear as she watches her adoptive father on the ground, screaming in agony. 

The other camps watch in trepidation. Anastasia covered her mouth, her eyes wide with fear and confusion. Julius gritted his teeth, silently praying for his friend. 

Felt, hiding her face in Reinhard's chest while the noble knight watches in silence, hoping Subaru is okay, unaware of the voice in his head telling him to snap out of it. 

Opposite him, Crusch, too, unaware of the ruse. She watches Felix work to heal the boy of whatever is plaguing him.

Wilhelm watches with a severe expression, ready to attack whoever is behind Subaru's sudden infliction of unknown pain.

Priscilla is across from the flailing boy, her eyes full of concern, hidden behind a fan that flutters furiously.  

Next to her, a knight in ridiculous garb watches in silence. 

Subaru screams once, and a splatter of blood gushes upward, causing everyone to jump back. His back arches and a strange creature bursts from his chest. 

Everyone screams and falls backward—the members of the five camps stare in silence.

Subaru lay twitching on the ground, foam bubbles from his mouth.

Emilia covered her mouth, tears streaming down her face. Rem is trying to speak while her sister holds her close. Both girls stare at the Subaru lying on the ground. Rem starts breathing rapidly and crying while her sister fights back the tears and bites her lower lip.

They all stare in horrid perplexion at a tiny bloodstained creature, turning to regard everyone in the room.

"Subaru….SUBARU!" Beatrice screams and tries to heal him but stops when she hears the laughing of someone nearby. Beatrice turns to look toward the source of the laughter.

Everyone, EVERYONE, turns to look at Priscilla's knight, who, holding his sides, sat laughing.

"Do you think this fuckin' funny, bro?!" questions Garfiel, who, after watching his brother and captain die strangely, is nearing his breaking point. Otto, attempting to hold him back. 

"Bro! How!?" Al asks aloud.

"Sir, Al! I would ask that you not-"

Nearby chuckling cuts Julius off, and everyone shifts their focus to Subaru, who sits up, seemingly not dead and in good spirits.

"Eh, What'd ya think, bro? Pretty convincing, right?"

The room falls silent while they look at Subaru with bewilderment. 

Al laughs, "Fuck man, your acting was flawless! Damn, dude! Alien was such a good movie!" 

"Dude, I know! I got to thinkin' about it after we talked about Predator and man, I just had to recreate that scene with the chest burster!"

Emilia and the others look at Subaru with relief that he was okay and hurt that he would perform such a cruel stunt. 

"Bro! Tell me, how did you make that?"

"Well, bro, I sewed it up and everything! Check it out!" 

Subaru, proud of his handy work, opens his jacket, and hidden inside is his right arm. The alien that burst out of his chest sat on a stick. He gyrated it to demonstrate how it moved. 

"You see, I made a prosthetic right arm to act as a decoy."

"Yeah, yeah," 

"And my other arm was here, which allowed me to push the alien out of my chest,"

"Cool, and the blood?"

"Oh, I made that using water, mixed with syrup, and dyed it red. It was pretty sticky!"

While Subaru explained how the special effects worked, Emilia and several others started to snap back to reality. 

"Subaru…" her face hung low, bangs shielding her eyes.

"Hang on, Emilia-tan," 

Subaru continues speaking with Al, explaining the nuances of his costume.

"Well, bro, if I had two hands, I would applaud that performance,

"Subaru-kun…"

"Wait, Rem-rin," Subaru focuses back on Al, "Bro, I'm telling you, it was quite the undertaking to set up!"

"Subaru, in fact…"

"Just a minute, Beako,"

Subaru continues to explain how he stitched up the Aien, unaware of the glares that bore holes into him from all around. 

"Uh, bro…."

Al says when he spots the angry eyes looking at the two of them.

"Sup, bro?" 

Al points behind him. Subaru turns to see the irate expressions of everyone around him. 

"Uhhh, hey, Emilia-tan, Rem-rin, uh, Nee-sama, Beako, Petra-chan, Frederica, Meili-chan, Spica-chan, Garf, and uh, Otto." Subaru rattles off the names of everyone who sat with their arms crossed looking at him. He laughs nervously, "Man, those, uh, y-yukatas sure look swell!"

None of them speak.

"I'm in trouble, aren't I?"

"You think, Barusu!?"

Ram snaps at Subaru, causing him to jump back slightly, her hands on her hips. 

"Subaru-kun! We all thought the worst! Why would you ever think of such a prank!?"

Rem, like her sister, glared at him. Like a parent disappointed in their child, the two girls wore annoyed expressions of the highest degree. They were pissed!

"Subaru," A calm, bell-like voice calls his name. He looks into the cold gaze of Emilia. 

"We need to have a little talk,"

Out of everyone in the room, Emilia's expression is the angriest. Her eyes radiated dread. 

"Uh, well, Emilia…you see," 

Subaru coughs into his hand, "He looks at Beatrice, who glowered at him,"

He took a deep breath, "Happy Halloween, Beako!"

"It's not Halloween, in fact! Betty remembers we celebrated that last month!"

"Whoa, you did, bro? What did you go as?"

Subaru looks at Al, "Bro, I went as Guts from Berserk! I even made the dragon slayer and everything—I made it out of thin wood. Man, I looked awesome!"

"Killer, bro!? I wonder if it ever ended?"

"Damn, dude! I forgot that you weren't around to read any of the new chapters!" 

Everyone stared at the two with slackened jaws, appalled that they had entirely forgotten the situation.

"Man, does Guts kill that punk, Griffith?"

"Bro, you want me to spoil it?"

"Bro, I-"

"Al!" 

"Subaru!"

They both stop and again face the enemies they made in the room. 

Subaru and Al look at one another. 

"Good, talk, bro,"

"Y-Yeah, bro,"

They perform their secret handshake and go back to eating. Everyone slowly sits back down. They finish their meals in silence. The entire time, several around them stare at Al and Subaru with annoyance. 

Later, Subaru kneels on the ground while receiving punishment for his actions.

"And that is why Subaru will provide constant head pats and sweets for Betty, in fact!"

"Yes, Beako..."

"And no more lap pillows for, uh, one week, bucko!

"No one says bucko, nowadays-"

"You want to make it two weeks, mister!?"

"No, Emilia-tan…"

"Barusu, you will perform all of Ram's chores for a month! No exceptions!"

"Yes, nee-sama…"

"And mine, too!

"Yes, Petra…"

"And mine forever!"

"Wait a second! That's too much, Meili!"

"I will help you with mine,"

"Oh, uh, Thank you, Frederica…"

"Uuuuauauauaua!!"

"Okay, Spica…"

"L-Later, R-Rem will give you a spanking….!"

Several look at Rem, who blushes. Ram shakes her head, "No, Rem, Ram will do the spanking!"

Ram smiles devilishly.

"Wait! No, Not Nee-sama! Rem! Emilia! Beako!"

"Sorry, in fact,"

"R-Rem can't help you," she says with disappointment. 

"Yeah, you did the time—now do the crime!"

"That's not how that saying goes, Emilia-tan!"

"That's it! Two weeks! No lap pillows!"

"What!? Come on!"

Later, Subaru receives his punishment from Ram, with Rem watching in the background. Subaru had to lie on his stomach for the return trip home. Emilia relented and gave him a lap pillow midway through the journey back to the mansion. 

Elsewhere, Al explains to Priscilla the plot of Alien, who listens with great interest.

Chapter Text

Months later, the camps, once more, are together again. This time, they are in Vollachia. The reason is not essential and holds no bearing on the story. 

Subaru sits near Emilia. Prior to the meeting, Emilia had Rem search Subaru to ensure he wouldn't pull another chest burster stunt. Subaru remarked how he felt like Rambo in First Blood, but no one understood the reference. Subaru sighed, wishing Al was around to hear it.

Much later, The camps, for whatever reason, are meeting with Vincent. During the meeting, Subaru and Al sat apart from one another and would periodically look toward each other. Emilia and Priscilla would glare at the two, their motherly stare warning the two friends, relaying that any hijinks would end in punishment. 

Vincent finished talking, and the meeting adjourned. Outside, Subaru stood talking with Emilia, as well as Vincent, about nothing important when Al approached. Already, everyone looked at the helmeted knight with exacerbation. Priscilla followed after him, ready to prevent the oaf from unleashing anything that might embarrass her. 

Al stopped in front of Subaru. He stood silently. Emilia looked between the two, and several gathered around. 

Rem holds Spica close, with her sister frowning at the two. 

Emilia places her hands on her hips, along with Priscilla. They both sigh, expecting the two to rattle off nonsense. Everyone expected it at this point. 

Beatrice attempted to pull Subaru away to avoid another chest-bursting debacle but stopped when Al started to speak. Everyone looked at him with confusion. 

"You do not yet realize your importance,"

Al said, his breathing turning heavy. Vincent raised a brow and looked at Subaru, who glared at Al seriously. 

"You have only begun to discover your power,"

Beatrice's face twists to a look that screams, "eh?" with several looking at Subaru with a similar expression. 

"Uh, what are you two doing?" Emilia asks, but neither pays attention to her. 

Priscilla growls, Ram face palms, and Rem tries to understand what Al is trying to say.

"Join me, and I will complete your training. With our combined strength! We can end this conflict! And bring order to the galaxy!"

Already, the conversation had gone off the rails. Garfiel looks at the two with bewilderment. He looks at Subaru, wondering why his Cap'n suddenly seems so angry. 

Emilia, too, looks at Subaru. Hearing what Al had said, she took note of his severe features. She tried to speak to him, but Subaru cut her off.

"I'll never join you!"

Subaru shouts at the top of his lungs, and everything goes silent. 

Vincent tries to break the two up, annoyed that the charade has gone on long enough, with Priscilla removing her shoe to beat Al if he continues. 

"If you only knew the power of the dark side!"

Al's breathing becomes more ragged. Priscilla lowers her shoe, and several around them widen their eyes, worried about what Al meant by joining the Dark Side. Rem gasped when she heard those words, and Spica tried to call out to her adoptive father. 

"Cap'n, no!"

"Subaru, you can't!"

Both Emilia and Garfiel bought into the performance. 

"Obi-Wan never told you about your father…."

Everyone's breathing hitched. Hearing Al talking about Subaru's father caused everyone to stare silently. 

"He told me enough!" Subaru seems to lose his balance, having to be supported by Emilia, who looks at her knight with worry, "He told me you killed him,"

"What!?" Emilia shouts, looking at Al with surprise. Priscilla, too, stares at her knight with shock and awe. 

Garfiel shakes slightly. He never heard about Cap'n's parents, but to hear that Al had killed Subaru's father causes the youth to worry for his friend. 

"Subaru-kun…." Rem, too, started to tear up. She has never heard Subaru talk about his parents and is shocked to hear how Al had killed Subaru's father. 

"Barusu…." Ram couldn't believe it. She felt terrible for Subaru and decided she would treat him better. 

Beatrice started to fight back tears as she learned of her contractor's father's fate. 

"Subaru, Betty, she-"

Al cut her off, "No, I am your father,"

The room was silent. Emilia held her hands over her mouth, blown away by the sudden revelation. Rem gasped, along with Spica. Ram's expression looked grave, and Priscilla dropped her fan. Vincent blinked, he tried to speak, but his words came out broken. Flop and Medium, too, have been watching the exchange beyond flabbergasted by Al's big reveal. 

"No…" Subaru said under his breath, "No, that's not true….that's impossible!"

Subaru shouts, causing Emilia and the others to come to his side to comfort him.

"Search your feelings! You know it to be true!"

"Subaru, don't listen to him, in fact!"

"Subaru, he is lying! Don't listen to what Al is saying!" 

Beatrice and Emilia plead with the youth, but he looks inward, shaking his head. Subaru's expression turns from anger to grief. 

"NOOOOOOO! Nooooo…." Subaru falls to his knees, grabbing the side of his head and shouting his displeasure. 

"Subaru!" several shouts.

If Reinhard and Crusch had been present, they might have called bullshit on the duo's shenanigans, but as fate would have it, neither were present for the drama that unfolded. 

"Luke…"

Everyone regards Al with perplexion, curious why they called Subaru by a different name, wondering if he had been living under a false identity. 

"You can destroy the emperor…"

"What!?" Vincent shouts. 

"He has foreseen this,"

Priscilla looks at her brother. She wonders if the stargazers have told him of such news.

"It is your destiny! Join me—and together, we can rule the galaxy as father and son!"

"Subaru, don't do it!" 

"Al, what are you saying? You are talking treason!"

Everyone started to fear another calamity, with Vincent stepping back, protected by his divine generals.

Subaru crosses his arms and nods. "The Emperor Strikes Back was definitely the better film from the original trilogy."

Everyone deadpans. Priscilla covers her face, her ears burning with embarrassment. She can't believe she fell for Al's theatrics. 

Emilia, likewise, looks at Subaru with a horrid expression, shocked that once again, he and Al had gotten the better of her and everyone else. 

"Are you serious, I suppose!"

Beatrice shouts, annoyed she had the wool pulled over her eyes again. 

"Yeah, I'm serious. Out of the original Star Wars movies. Episode five was the better film."

"That's not what Betty is talking about, in fact!"

Subaru stares at her, "It's not?" 

Beatrice's jaw drops.

"I agree with you, bro; The Emperor Strikes Back was such a good film!" 

"Bro, I know!" 

"I saw it in theaters, bro," 

"What!? No way! How was it?"

"Bro, everyone shat a brick when Darth Vader said that shit!"

Emilia shakes her head and looks at Priscilla, who stares back. Neither spoke, but their silence speaks volumes. They had to prevent their knights from talking anymore. 

"Uh, Cap'n, so Bro isn't your dad?"

Subaru looks at Garfeil, "Eh? What are you talking about? Of course, Al isn't my dad! What gave you that idea?"

Garfel's jaw moves up and down. He stared at Subaru in disbelief. 

Subaru turns back to Al, "Bro, you know they made new movies," 

"Bro! Shut up! Ain't no way!"

"It's true, Bro, they weren't as good, but like Darth as a young Anakin was killer to watch!" 

Everyone sighs, with Rem and Ram moving to intercept Subaru and prevent him from any more talking. 

"Bro, tell me the details!"

"Dude, you want me to spoil it?"

"Bro, just how bad is Anakin Skywalker?"

"Bro, he kills younglings!"

"Holy shit! Anakin killed a bunch of kids?!"

Rem and Ram stop their pursuit. They continue to listen to Subaru explaining episode three. 

"Subaru…."

"Bro, it was crazy! In the end, Anakin was like, 'I hate you!' to Obi-Wan,"

"Damn, bro…!"

"Aldebaran…."

"And dude, it's nuts because he basically causes Padme's death due to her grief that her husband turned evil!"

"Bro, I bet-"

"BOYS!" Emilia and Priscilla shout in unison.

Al and Subaru stop speaking and look at Emilia and Priscilla, who regard them with annoyance. Both girls have their arms crossed. 

Al and Subaru look at one another. 

"Well, bro, good talk,"

"Yeah, bro,"

They perform their secret handshake and start to leave, along with their camps.

"Wait!"

They turn to look at Vincent. He stares at Subaru and Al. He wears a serious expression.

"Tell me more about this Darth Vader,"

Al and Subaru's face light up, and everyone else looks at Vincent like he lost his mind. 

For the next three hours, both Subaru and Al reenact the significant events of the film franchise. Everyone watches with interest and even joins in. 

Emilia and Priscilla fight over who gets the play, Lea, with the role going to Rem, who is the better actress out of the three. 

Afterward, they all traveled to their hotel to rest before the trip home. 

Subaru gazes out the carriage window, lost in thought.

Emilia and Rem look at one another. Even though they didn't understand what Al or Subaru talked about, they knew that both shared a connection that no one could relate to. 

"Subaru," 

He looks at Emilia, "What's up, Emilia-tan?"

"You like that stuff, uh, what did you call it?"

"Barusu called it fantasy,"

"Yeah, that," Emilia thinks momentarily, "Uh, what other things do you like?"

Subaru looks at her with surprise; never has anyone ever asked him about his interests.

"Betty also wants to know, I suppose!"

"And Rem does too!"

"Uuuuaaawwaa!"

"Me too, Cap'n!"

Subaru smiles, "Okay! How about I tell you all the story of the Lord of the Rings! You guys will love it!"

Subaru proceeds to tell the group, who listened in silence, the story of Frodo Baggins and his quest to destroy the ring of power. Everyone listened as he described in detail the events from three novels. Subaru's talk lasted through the night.

Elsewhere, Al explained to Priscilla the story of Battlestar Galactica. She listened with great interest. 

Chapter Text

More time has passed, and the camps find themselves together again. The purpose of the assembly is meaningless, and despite each candidate being a rival to the other, the mood is jovial, and conversations are lighthearted. Emilia spoke with Anastasia, who stood beside Crusch, talking with Felt.

Subaru stood close by, talking with his fellow knights about nothing interesting. 

Priscilla had left after the meeting, along with her knight, Al. Subaru was sad to see him go before speaking with him, and Al looked over his shoulder as Priscilla quickly ducked out the back door. 

Emilia had looked at Subaru while he watched Priscilla drag away his brother and caught a glimpse of disappointment in his scary eyes. She felt empathy for her knight but, in a way, understood what Priscilla was trying to avoid, which, of course, was both 'Bros' referencing things none of them understood. It wouldn't have been a big deal if the two hadn't turned the talk into a theater session. Emilia and Priscilla had spoken in private about the two friends. They could both agree that, for whatever reason, hearing them talk about "moovies" or "vidya games" and "mainga" left both girls with a deep feeling of " UGH," which was both them sighing dramatically.

While Emilia showed off her nails to Anastasia, bragging about the tiny cat caricature that Subaru had painted on them, Priscilla creeps up to the group of girls, causing the four of them to turn and look at her as she duck walked to them. It wasn’t very inconspicuous. 

Priscilla stood and looked around. Subaru had his back turned to her, with his fellow knights glancing her way while smiling and listening to whatever Subaru was saying. Beatrice was standing next to him and narrowed her eyes at Priscilla and careened her neck to try and see if her knight was nearby. Satisfied that Al was nowhere to be seen, Beatrice returned to listening to her contractor discuss the main differences between the Gundam franchise. The other knights nodded along but couldn’t begin to guess what the hell Subaru was talking about. 

Priscilla sighed and looked at Emilia. 

“I take it the fool has been talking nonstop about ‘moovies’ or ‘aname,’ 

Priscilla put great emphasis on both foreign terms. Ever since the two amigos have regularly interrupted meetings with frivolous talk relating to pop culture, Al and Subaru have been mixing in quotes from movies here and there and referencing video games, anime, and manga. 

Emilia sighed and nodded her head, “Yeah, I don’t mind it, but lately Subaru has been talking nonstop about things none of us understand. I am reeeaaally happy he has so many interests, but the conversations always revolve around “nerdy stuff,”

Priscilla wrinkled her nose, “Nerdy stuff?” 

“It’s what Subaru calls the stuff he likes. He usually catches himself droning on and on—stopping himself and saying, “Gee, Emilia-tan, I got so wrapped up talking about nerdy stuff it's past our bedtime,” 

Emilia, deepening her voice to imitate Subaru, drew a few chuckles from the surrounding girls. 

“Have you considered setting a time for Subaru and Al to discuss these things?”

Crusch suggested this to Emilia and Priscilla, who thought about how they would implement the idea.

“What’re you two? Their mom’s? Just leave them be! Who cares?”

This was Felt, being reasonable and not seeing the big deal. 

Priscilla harrumphed, “You only say that because your knight doesn’t talk your ear off constantly about whether “Han shot first” or not!” 

“Huh?” Felt asked. She hadn’t been present in Vollachia for the retelling of Star Wars. 

“I can’t expect someone as uncultured as you to understand the finer details of the story of Star Wars, so I won’t bother explaining what I mean by “Han shooting Greedo.” But-” Priscilla redirected her attention to Emilia, “You are correct, even though I don’t mind Al telling me interesting Stories about a corrupt Empire being toppled by insurgents. It gets out of hand, and it's becoming distracting!”

Priscilla crosses her arms and sighs, “Why, even my foolish brother has been taken in by Al’s talks and has become obsessed with building a lightsaber!” 

Anastasia hadn’t spoken. She, meanwhile, took everything in and hearing that Vincent was attempting to invent a lightsaber caused her to pipe up. 

“Uh, say, Priscilla, how is your brother doing? Maybe I should go and say hello?” 

Priscilla rolled her eyes, “I don’t know what game you are trying to play, but forget it. Vincent is in love with Star Wars and even cosplays as Darth Vader,” 

“Cosplay?” Crusch questions, curious about the new term. 

“Yes, Al taught me the term. Vincent had an outfit made to Al’s spec of Lord Vader. The helmet seems too big, but my idiot brother doesn’t care,” 

Priscilla hadn’t realized it yet, but she was just as obsessed with the Story of Star Wars as her brother Vincent. 

While bemoaning took place amongst the girls, everyone but Subaru failed to see Al approaching. It would appear that Priscilla ditching him in the capital had little effect. 

Al stopped short of Subaru; everyone, feeling his presence, turned and looked at him. Emilia and Priscilla, seeing Al, immediately looked toward Subaru, who stood glaring at the goofy-dressed knight. Both girls' mouths started to open, and Subaru’s fellow knights, Beatrice and Rem, who stood close by, along with Ram, attempted to deter the two. But, just like the previous time, Al spoke, shifting everyone’s focus to him.

“I’ve already taken care of Kakyoin,”

Subaru’s frown deepened, and he seemed to grunt. Others meanwhile stood with their mouths agape, trying to understand how Al imitated Roswaal L. Mathers so flawlessly. 

“Polnareff must be hiding somewhere.” Al careened his neck and looked toward the ceiling. Everyone, other than Subaru, followed his gaze, curious to know what he was looking at. They were slightly embarrassed when they realized Al was staring at nothing. 

“Ha. But it doesn’t matter.”

Subaru clenched his fists. Beatrice grabbed at his sleeves, but he didn’t budge. Rem waved her hand in front of his face, but he didn’t blink. Subaru’s attention was glued entirely on Al in front of him. 

Al pointed his finger, “You’re next, Jotaro!” 

“You bastard.” 

Subaru’s voice changed as well. Several around him even jumped slightly. What once sounded like a goofy boy now sounded like a weathered thug hellbent on revenge. 

“C-Cap’n! Are ya mad with Al again?” 

Ram, hearing Garfiel, who was close by, facepalmed, flabbergasted the young man had fallen for the obvious acting session. 

“Dio!” Subaru shouted. Already, both had gone off the deep end, along with everyone else, who, for whatever reason, never broke the two up in these recurring situations. 

Al extends his arm and nub, “Oh? You’re approaching me? Instead of running away, you’re coming right to me? How ungrateful. And after your dear grandfather, Joseph, gave his life to tell you the power of the world.”

Even though everyone understood Al wasn’t serious, they still hung on to his every word, entirely enthralled by the two who ignored everyone completely. 

Al continued, “He was so desperate—like a pathetic student struggling to fill in the last few answers of a test as the final seconds tick by…!” 

Subaru continued walking toward Al, “I can’t beat the shit out of you without getting closer.” 

Typically, Emilia would have lectured Subaru about his “potty mouth,” but she stood slightly next to Priscilla. Both girls looked unimpressed while they waited for their knights to finish inevitably. 

“Oh, ho! Then come as close as you like!” Al started to walk toward Subaru. 

Subaru suddenly went into an attack position and swung at Al. Everyone watching and waiting for the two to finish and start discussing subjects alien turned their looks from bored indifference to fearful surprise when they realized that the two weren’t about to stop.

Al crossed his arm and nub and laughed as Subaru lost balance and stepped back. 

“Subaru-kun! W-What happened? What did Al do?” Rem forgot all about the two referencing unknown subjects and started to worry about the apparently injured boy. 

“Did Al even attack?” Julius asked. Reinhard looked and shrugged. The two weren’t so sure, but Subaru’s acting had the two questioning all logic. 

“Even without his power to stop time, his speed and power far exceed that of your Star Platinum!” 

“Oh, no! S-Subaru! Don’t give up!” Emilia, too, fell victim, causing the four girls to look at her like she sprouted a second head. 

“So it’s the same type of Stand as Star Platinum,” 

Beatrice made a face of utter bewilderment, trying to understand precisely what a “Stand.”

“Not much range, but immense power and precise movements.” 

Anastasia called out to Julius, “J-Julius! T-Take notes—NOW!” 

Julius cocked his head to look at his lady, “W-What? You can’t be serious, Anastasia-sama? I don’t know what is even going on!” 

“Who cares! Vincent is building a thingy majigger, and I won’t be left behind!” 

Anastasia had lost all sensibility. Julius sighed and pulled out the notepad she had him carry around and started jotting down what Subaru and Al were talking about. Julius wondered if he should just put on the appearance of writing instead. 

“I wanted to try a little test to find out just how much more powerful The World was compared to your Stand,” 

“Cap’n! Kick his ass!” Garfiel cheered from the sidelines, with Ram looking at the youth and backing away slightly. She felt embarrassed to be near him. 

“Though the test was unnecessary,” 

“Test?” Is that what you call just patting me, and not even enough to hurt? Well, I guess you ripped my 200,000 yen pants, though.” 

Rem gasped and moved closer to see if Subaru’s pants were ripped. They weren’t, and she sighed, hoping they were so that she could sew them for him. 

“Why are you Joestars so stubborn about admitting defeat?”

Al laughed and began talking with his hands, “Hmph. I suppose I shall rise to your silly provocation and test you a little bit more,” 

Al and Subaru stood slightly while occasionally stepping back or moving their head as if dodging a punch from the other. Everyone stared at the two in confusion, wondering if they were fighting. They had all fallen for the ruse yet again. 

“Shall we compare the speed of our attack rushes?” 

Suddenly, Al and Subaru started to shout, “Useless!” Repeatedly.

“Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless!"

Everyone’s jaw stretched to the floor. 

“What the hell is going on!” Felt shouted.

“I…don’t know….” Crusch placed a hand under her chin, attempting to understand what Subaru and Al were doing. 

Emilia and Priscilla blinked, snapping out of their trance, “Wait…did we…?” 

Priscilla growled, “Dammit, Al! You got me again!” 

Al stopped. He looked at her, “Oh, sorry, princess—I got carried away talking to my bro again,” 

Priscilla rubbed her temples, annoyed at being duped once again. 

Al looked at Subaru, “Bro, JoJo’s bizarre adventure was so rad.” 

Subaru shook his head, “Hell yeah, Bro, which storyline was your favorite?” 

Al laughed, Bro, isn’t it obvious? Stardust Crusaders!” 

Subaru conquered, “Bro, you missed out on Golden Wind,” 

Al gasped, “Bro! Tell me all about it!” 

Subaru placed a hand on his shoulder, “My man. What I’m about to tell you will blow you away,” 

“Enough, boys!” 

Al and Subaru turned to look at Emilia and Priscilla. Both girls refused to let the conversation get any more out of hand. 

“Aw, but Emilia-taaan …! I was about to tell my broski about Giorno!” 

“Subaru, I don’t know what that is, but it’s probably stupid.” 

“I agree. Al, let's go. I’m hungry, and this charade has gone on long enough.” 

Al sighs, “Well, bro, I guess we’ll pick up where we left off next time,” 

“Yeah…” 

Al and Subaru perform their secret handshake, and the two depart. 

On the ride home, Subaru attempts to tell Emilia and company about the Prey franchise, leading Rem to get up from her seat quickly and rush to put him to sleep. 

She sighed, “As much as Rem loves Subaru-kun, she can’t stand him talking about Prey and crying about being unable to play Prey 2?” 

Emilia tilts her head, “What’s Prey…?” 

Rem shrugs, “Rem doesn’t know, but Subaru-kun keeps talking about it,” 

Emilia and Rem shake their head, and the two girls take the sleeping Subaru and place his head on their laps. Subaru, meanwhile, dreams about JoJo, putting himself in the role of Joseph Joestar and fighting Pillar men, all the while cracking lame jokes. 

Elsewhere, Priscilla practices JoJo poses with Al, away from any prying eyes that might bear witness to the closet nerd.

Chapter Text

A similar scene is unfolding at its usual pace. The candidates have once again found themselves amongst one another. However, there is a slight difference. Al is not present. 

Subaru looked for his friend and even questioned Priscilla, who shrugged, stating: Who am I? Al's keeper?

Subaru had thought Priscilla was his keeper and slumped his shoulders in defeat. Emilia—Subaru's keeper—seeing his downcast expression as he sat during Royal Selection business meetings, attempted to brighten his mood. 

"Hey, Subaru!"

Subaru looked up at her, "Yea, Emilia-tan…?"

Emilia thought momentarily, "Uh, say—who would win, Dark Vater or Seeee-threee-peeee-oh?"

Emilia smiled, clapping her hands together. Subaru stared at her and then pinched the bridge of his nose; he sighed, "Emilia-tan, you're such an adorable dunderhead…"

Emilia looks at her knight with confusion, wondering what made her sound like a nincompoop. 

While she ponders this, Priscilla rolls her eyes, thinking to herself, 'What a fool—everyone knows Lord Vader would decimate a foolish protocol Droid," Priscilla pulls out her fan and smirks, 'I bet the half-twit doesn't even realize Darth Vader built C3P-O,'

Priscilla chuckles to herself, earning a couple of sideways glances from the other candidates who wonder what she might be plotting. 

After the meeting, Subaru stands off to the side, with Beatrice beside him. She looks up at her contractor, concerned by his silent demeanor. She frowns, "Normally Betty's contractor would be loud, in fact,"

Subaru smiles at her and pats her head, "Don't worry, Beako, I'm okay,"

Beatrice isn't too sure and grips his hand. 

Emilia looks over at her knight while she converses with the other candidates. Rem, too, looks at Subaru. She was with her sister and other members of the Emilia camp. 

Subaru lets go of Beatrice's hand. "Subaru….?"

He turns away from her and starts to walk away. Beatrice goes to call him, but Rem and Ram approach. 

"Just leave him be, Beatrice-sama," 

Beatrice tries to say something but can't find the words to comfort Subaru. Rem stares at him with concern while Ram sighs, "Ram suspects Barusu talking with Al about nothing is over,"

Subaru suddenly turns around and points at Ram, and yells, "NOTHING IS OVER!"

Ram's mouth slightly hangs open, and everyone turns to look at the pair. 

"Barusu, Ram didn't mean-"

"NOTHING! You don't turn it off!"

Subaru starts to pace while he glares at Ram. Usually, she would have a few choice words for Subaru, but seeing his angry expression has her second-guessing herself, and instead, she clams up. 

Emilia approaches, along with Priscilla and the others. Emilia looks at Rem and Beatrice, "Why is Subaru so upset with Ram?"

Rem replies without taking her eyes off of Subaru, "Subaru-kun was leaving, and Nee-sama commented that Subaru Kun's conversations with Al were over,"

Emilia looks at Subaru. While he paced back and forth, glowering and radiating fury, she knew what she had to do.

Emilia stepped forward. She had prepared herself for this. 

"Emilia-sama…" Rem said, afraid of where the conversation would go and if relations within the camp would turn sour.

"Subaru, I-" 

A hand appears on her shoulder. She turns to see Al. 

"Al!?"

Everyone is shocked and watches Al and Subaru with anticipation. 

"Sir Al, where have you been?" Questions Reinhard. Al looks over his shoulder, "I overslept."

Al breaks his stare with Reinhard and steps forward. Subaru continues to pace, looking at the new arrival like a caged lion waiting to pounce. 

Subaru begins to talk again, "It wasn't my war!" 

"Wait, what?" Emilia says, but no one can answer her.

"You asked me—I didn't ask you! And I did what I had to do to win! But someone wouldn't let us win! And I come back to the world-" Subaru gestures toward the distance, "And I see all those maggots at the airport—protestin' me—spittin'! Callin' me baby killer and all kinds of foul crap!"

Emilia, Rem, Ram, and Beatrice, unsure of what Subaru is even going on about, can't help but watch him with sympathy while his tirade continues uninterrupted. 

"Who are they to protest me!? Huh!? Who are they?!"

Al doesn't speak, watching the boy as he lets his emotions run wild. 

"Unless they been me or been there. And know what they yellin' about!"

"Cap'n…" Garfiel suspects Subaru is dealing with demons that none but Al can help him overcome. 

Ram stands with her sister. She had seen Subaru upset before, but she had never seen him this upset. Ram bites back her tears. She hadn't intended to upset him—this time at least, and hoped Al could talk some sense into him. 

Priscilla also watches the two, wondering why Al doesn't use Star Wars to get through to Subaru. 

"It was a bad time for everyone, Rambo. It's all in the past now!"

Hearing Al calling Subaru Rambo turns a few heads.

"Rambo!? Wait—is Rambo Subaru's real name!?" Emilia says out loud, shocked to have never learned such a fact about her knight. 

"For you! For me, civilian life is nothin'! In the field, we had a code of honor!"

Wilhelm nods his head. He understood what Subaru was going through and could relate to the code of honor Subaru alluded to.

"You watch my back. I watch yours. Back here, there's nothin'!"

"You're the last of an elite group. Don't end it like this,"

"Back there, I could drive a gunship. I could drive a tank! I was in charge of million-dollar equipment!" 

Several looked at Subaru, impressed that he could do all those things. Unfortunately, none knew what any of the things he mentioned were. 

"Back here, I can even hold a job—parking cars!"

Subaru yells the last part, removes his whip from his side, and throws it furiously. 

"Subaru!" 

"Suabru-kun!"

"That fool…" 

Subaru starts to breathe in reverse, tears well up in his eyes. He holds his face and wails. It was painful to watch. Subaru slumps down and cries. Emilia and the others can only watch him having a nervous breakdown. Tears start to creep up, and Emilia, along with Rem, and even Ram, and Priscilla begin to cry for the heartbroken boy. 

Subaru pays them no mind, muttering to himself, and continues his mental breakdown. 

Julius, along with Felix and Reinhard, are concerned for their fellow knight and wish they could help him with his unknown PTSD, but they can't. 

"Stay strong, Subaru-dono, you can beat this,"

Al walks closer.

"—where is everybody…" Subaru pants, "I had a friend—in the Air Force,"

He nods his head while he listens to Subaru rambling.

"We always talked about Vegas, and he had this car. A red '58 Chevy,"

Subaru continues while others watch him.

"Subaru, B-Betty didn't know you went through so much…" Beatrice, feeling shame that she never knew of Subaru's friends who died in some war she had never heard of, reflects how she will be a better-contracted spirit toward him.

Rem wishes she could run and embrace him, and Emilia decides she will do more than give him a lap pillow. 

Al continues to listen.

"We were at this bar, and this kid—this kid comes up, and he has this shoe shine box,"

Everyone is quiet while they listen to Subaru recounting an experience. 

"The kid said, Shine, please—shine. And he kept asking, and I said no, but Joey said, 'yeah, yeah,' so I went to get us a couple of beers, and the box is wired, and Joey opens up the box, and the fucking box fucking blows—Joey's body is all over the place—he's fuckin' screamin', and he's all over me!"

Subaru starts ripping at his shirt, reliving the experience. Already, those around the two are crying. They couldn't believe the happy-go-lucky Subaru had faced so much alone. 

"And I'm tryin' to pull him off, you know—but my friend! My friend is all over me!"

Emilia breaks down and falls to her knees, "Subaru, I'm sorry—I wish I knew, or else I would have helped you!"

Others share the same sentiment. 

"Barus—no, Subaru, Ram is sorry for how much she has hurt you,"

While everyone resolves to be there for the youth, Al continues to listen to his bro.

"Got blood everywhere! I keep trying to put him together! But his insides keep comin' out! But no one would help me!"

Garfiel and Otto are hugging one another—bawling, stupefied that Subaru has carried so much for so long. 

"I wanna go home, I wanna go home, Johnny," 

Subaru's words slur as he ugly cries harder. 

"I can't get it out of my head…" Subaru talks in hushed whispers. He closes his eyes, picturing everything. 

Al's shoulders start to shake, and a single tear runs down his cheek and out of the bottom of his helmet. He walks toward Subaru, who grabs his arm. Al kneels, and Subaru hugs him and continues the waterworks. 

Everyone around the two cries louder. 

"Shhhh," Al says, "It's alright. I love the movie First Blood, too."

The crying around the two starts to slow, and everyone begins to suspect the whole charade was, once again, an act. 

Subaru looks up, still sniffling, "First Blood is such a classic," 

Al pats his head, "I know…"

Subaru dries his tears, "T-They based the Colonel from Metal Gear Solid off of the Colonel from Rambo,"

"Oh? I only played Metal Gear, Bro,"

Subaru stands, "Bro! You missed out! Metal Gear Solid was so good! Dude, the sequels were fucking fire too!"

"Damn, Bro, I wish I could have experienced them!"

While Al and Subaru talk all things MGS and discuss the franchise's crown jewel—Snake Eater—everyone else stares with slackin' jaws. 

"Are you kidding me, Barusu!?"

Ram shouts and steps forward, "What, Nee-sama? I'm serious, they fired Kojima-"

"That's not what Ram means!?"

Subaru looks at her with confusion, "It's not?"

"No, Barusu! Ram cried because she thought you were hurting!" 

"Yeah, Subaru, we thought you were reeeaaally sad?"

Subaru rubs the back of his head, "Oh, sorry, I have been thinking about Rambo lately, and that last scene always gets me choked up," 

Al laughs, "Bro, I am impressed. You're acting was once again flawless!"

Subaru chuckles, "Well, Let's just say I pulled from some previous experiences to get the tears flowing,"

Reinhard and Crusch sense no lie and wonder what experience Subaru refers to. 

Al and Subaru stand and perform their secret handshake.

"Well, I'm off, bro. The princess is probably hungry, and judging by her rageful glare, I would say it's time to go."

"Yeah, bro, I'll catch you later,"

The two depart. 

Subaru later discusses the intricacies of espionage and explains how to hide under a box to Garfiel and the others correctly. Meanwhile, Al tells Priscilla about Terminator 2, who listens with great interest. 

Chapter Text

Once again, the candidates, along with members of their camps and respective knights, are gathered again. The setting is different than before, and instead of standing around idly after a meeting of absolutely nothing, the scene is a party. The reason behind the suit and tie event isn't essential to the story. 

Emilia stands alongside Subaru. A drink in her hand, she chats jovially to members of other camps. Decked out in luxurious clothing, Subaru wears a tuxedo, while Emilia wears a form-fitting black and purple dress—stunning would be an understatement. 

Counter across from the two are Julius and Anastasia—dressed to impress. Reinhard and Felt are both wearing formal attire, with Felt repeatedly shifting her dress strap back onto her shoulder—Crusch and Felix are both wearing matching dresses UwU. And finally, Priscilla, all by her lonesome, is wearing her hair like Princess Lea and a white dress reminiscent of what the character wore in A New Hope. Her knight was pivotal in the dress's design.

Speaking of which, Al is in attendance but is wandering around, eating finger foods, and telling dirty jokes to Lugunica's nobles. Al wears a tuxedo T-shirt, shorts, and sandals with socks—he had trouble getting in, with security accusing him of being a hobo.

Vincent is there too, along with his date, Medium. Vincent is wearing Jedi cosplay. No one gets it other than Subaru, Al, and Priscilla. Medium Is dressed like his padawan (Vincent's idea).

Others from the camps are there, too, dressed for the occasion.

"And then I said to my bro, 'Yo, don't eat that!' but Garf ate it anyway,"

Subaru is telling a whimsical story to Julius, who laughs like a boring noble. It was then that Al walked up to join the group. Everyone stopped talking. 

Al looked at everyone. He lifted his drink to an opening of his helmet and drank through a crazy straw. 

The candidates, along with members of the camp, waited for the two to act out some outlandish scene from some bullshit none of them understood. In the background, Vincent—and secretly Priscilla—hoped it would be the part in Episode III where Anakin and Obi-Wan fought. Subaru had told the two Vollachian siblings about the prequel trilogy per their request. Al listened with stars in his eyes. 

Al lowered his drink to his side, "Hello there,"

On instinct, Subaru responded, "General Kenobi," mimicking General Grievous' smoker accent and hand gestures. Priscilla and Vincent looked at one another like two nerds at a convention getting ready to meet their favorite VA. The other candidates caught sight of this and wondered why they seemed so happy. 

"Who would win in a fight, bro? Reinhard or Goku?" Al asked.

Priscilla and Vincent deflated, disappointed the two wouldn't act out the fight between Grievous and Obi-Wan from Episode II. The others stared at Al like he had lost his mind. 

Subaru placed a hand under his chin and looked at his friend Reinhard, who smiled. Subaru nodded to himself. 

"Easy, Goku,"

Reinhard looked hurt. Felt interrupted. "Are ya stupid, bro? Ain't no one capable of beating Reinhard!"

"Yeah, Natsuki-kun, I thought you were smarter than that,"

"Subaru-dono, I don't sense any untruth from your statement, but I disagree. The sword saint could be this Goku,"

"Uh, Subaru, what's a Goku?"

While everyone came to Reinhard's defense and actively disputed what Subaru had just said, Subaru defended his claim.

"Uh, actually, you are all wrong,"

Several tried to protest him, but Al concurred, "Yeah, I agree with bro. The sword saint is tough, but he couldn't stand toe-to-toe with Super Saiyan Goku, probably not even Kid Goku. Fuck, probably not even Yamcha!"

"Whoa, Bro, Reinhard could at least take on Yamcha!"

Reinhard's face turned to a look of betrayal, and Crusch called Subaru out for lying.

"Subaru-dono! You honestly believe this Yamcha could be the sword, Saint?"

"Huh, I guess I do," Subaru looked at Reinhard, "Sorry, bro,"

Reinhard attempted a smile, "I-It's okay, Subaru," it wasn't Okay. Reinhard felt like the time his dad told him to shut up and get him a beer.

"Yeah, bro. My bro, here is right. No one can beat Goku,"

Crusch wanted to correct Al and tell him not to refer to her as 'bro' but stopped when Subaru said something unprecedented. 

"Bro, I would happen to disagree with you,"

Al and other members of the camp looked at Subaru, wondering who could outclass both Reinhard and Goku. 

"Who, then, exactly?"

"Easy, Usagi Tsukino,"

Al blinked behind his visor.

"Bro…?"

"Sup?"

Al laughed, "Are you fucking high??" he shouted, and the party stopped. Everyone looked at the two, "Are you trying to tell me that fucking Sailor Moon can beat both Goku and Reinhard?"

"Yeah, that is what I'm telling you,"

"Bro, your so full of shit,"

Subaru looked at Reinhard and Crusch. 

"S-Subaru-dono speaks the truth,"

"Y-Yeah, unfortunately, I can't beat either Goku or Sailor Moon,"

Subaru turned to Al, "See? That proves it,"

Al shook his head, "No, it doesn't. Just because you and those two morons believe your lie doesn't make it true. Sailor Moon can't beat Goku!"

"Bro, yeah, she can!" 

"No way! Goku is stronger!"

"Goku may be stronger, but Sailor Moon's strength lies in magic. This isn't a matter of who can outlift who, but who would win in a 1v1 match-up,"

"Bro, Super Saiyan three Goku, bro!"

"Yeah, and Sailor Moon Eternal! She is a fucking god, bro! Goku got licked by fucking Raditz! Sure, Sailor Moon was a crybaby in the earlier season, but as the show progressed, she became fucking OP!"

"I still don't believe you,"

"Well, my opinion still stands!"

Al and Subaru glared at one another. The others waited on the punch line. Emilia spoke up, "Uh, are you two acting?"

"Huh? No, I'm totally serious, Emilia-tan,"

Beatrice, who has been quiet until now, came to Subaru's aid, "Betty agrees with Subaru, in fact!"

Al, along with the others, looks at her, "The pretty guardian, Sailor Moon, could easily beat Goku, in fact! And Betty will explain why, I suppose!"

Betty clears her throat with her tiny fist, "First, we will look at what kind of person this Goku is, in fact. Considering he would let Sailor Moon ascend to full power instead of taking her on in base form, Sailor Moon would wipe the floor with Goku, in fact. You forget, fool of a knight, that Sailor Moon's power can increase in battle, and she has the power to mess with the minds of those she is fighting, in fact. Goku is a Neanderthal, and even though Usagi is a poor student, he can't handle her in a fight and the mental gymnastics she would put him through, I suppose. Why, to even question Sailor Moon's abilities is foolish. She can recreate universes and has been fighting for over 1,000 years! And even though she is in the reincarnated form of a schoolgirl, she still holds her true power, in fact! So Betty decrees that you don't know what you're talking about, I suppose! And to disagree with Betty is a violation of Betty's rights, in fact! I can't believe you would question the superiority of Betty or her contractor, Subaru! She-"

"Holy shit—okay! Geez! Bro, what the fuck have you been telling her?" 

"Yeah, Subaru! Why haven't I heard about Sailor Moon!?"

Subaru scratches his head, "Well, uh, Beatrice asked me about some things I like, and I mentioned Sailor Moon. I like Dragon Ball Z, don't get me wrong, but Sailor Moon had a lot of heart,"

Emilia looked hurt. She can't believe Subaru didn't tell her about Sailor Moon. 

"Betty even knows which Sailor Scout Subaru likes the most, I suppose!"

Subaru looks terrified and turns red, "Wait! Don't go spouting random embarrassing facts about me!"

Emilia, along with Rem, looks at Subaru with suspicion. 

"Oh, who's bro's waifu?" 

Subaru looks at Al, "Bro, I don't have a waifu!?" he laughs nervously.

"What's a waifu, Cap'n?" 

Subaru chuckles and loosens the collar of his shirt, "B-Bro, it's nothing-"

"A female character someone is romantically attracted to, in fact!"

Subaru looks at Beatrice with horror. His face turns pale, and he looks at everyone around him 

Emilia and Rem stare blankly at him while everyone else looks at him, wondering what kind of life he led before they all knew him. 

"Subaru, who is your waifu?" 

"Rem wants to know too,"

Subaru looks at the two most influential women in his life. Al looks at Rem and then at Subaru. 

"Bro, what do you think about Sailor Mercury?"

Subaru's face lights up, and he forgets all about the dagger-like stares from Emilia and Rem and directs his attention to Al.

"Ami Mizuno!? She's an angel! Not only is she beautiful, kind, and intelligent. She is also considerate. She is a song of inspiration, a light where there is darkness, and a beacon of hope! Sailor Mercury is, without a doubt, an easy 10 out of 10!"

Subaru blinks, and his mouth hangs open. He can't see Al's face, but he can picture his shit-eating grin. 

Betty crosses her arms, "Yep, in fact. Sailor Mercury is Subaru's waifu in fact,"

Subaru turns to look at Emilia and Rem. They wear blank expressions, and their eyes are hollow and dark. Granted, Subaru has said sweet things about both of them, but just hearing the name "Sailor Mercury" sent Subaru down a rabbit hole of embarrassing affection. 

"Subaru, why haven't you mentioned this girl?"

"Uh, well, you see, Emilia-tan,"

"Subaru, "Song of inspiration?" 

"Oh, um, look, Rem-rin,"

Al laughs and places a hand on his bro's shoulder, "Checkmate bro,"

Subaru looks at Al, "What? That doesn't make any sense!?"

Vincent steps up, "Darth Vader could beat Goku and Sailor Moon,"

Subaru and Al stop and stare—Beatrice cringes, and even Priscilla facepalms when they hear what Vincent is suggesting.

Both Al and Subaru look at one another, "I think that comment wraps it up,"

"Yeah, Bro, I don't know what to say to such an insane suggestion,"

Al and Subaru perform their secret handshake, and Al returns to mingling with the nobles. 

Subaru turns back to face the others. They look at him, he shrugs, and the conversations shift to something less entertaining. 

Later that night. 

"S-Subaru-kun, I'm ready,"

"Y-Yeah, this is sort of embarrassing,"

Emilia and Rem walk into the Subaru's bedroom from his private bathroom. Emilia is dressed as Sailor Moon, and Rem is dressed as Sailor Mercury. 

Subaru pumps his fist, "Mom, Dad, I wish you could see how happy your son is—actually, uh, maybe that wouldn't be a good idea right now," he thinks. 

"Ok, say the lines!" Sitting on his bed, he leans forward. 

With her face flushed, Emilia strikes Sailor Moon's signature pose and says, "I-In t-the n-name of the m-moon, We'll punish you, Subaru,"

Subaru sheds a tear, "Beautiful, simply beautiful," 

Emilia and Rem look at one another, then Subaru, and smile. They approach the excited boy. Ready to do battle.

The scene changes from there to Al, who tries to teach Priscilla, Vincent, and Medium proper Kamehameha stance and technique. 

Chapter Text

A meeting of the minds takes place, as five camps gather in preparation for the upcoming engagement against the dastardly deedster known specifically as the Sin Archbishop of Lust, Capella. 

Facial expressions are tense and eyebrows are furrowed as the plan is laid out, like a nude beach during a holiday—the five camps bear all.

Subaru, next to Emilia, speaks with authority, his unquestionable knowledge of what's to be suspected will be key to their victory against the heinous skank. 

While the proceedings take place, Al, with one arm crossed, makes goofy faces, hidden behind weathered aluminum. Priscilla, meanwhile, casts a glance that promises the tacky knight a date with La Chancla if he doesn't cease. Al, sensing her no-nonsense glare, straightens his act.

"Okilly-dokilly, that's the plan. ¿Comprende?" 

"Leave it to us, Cap'n!"

"Rem will be with you every step of the way!"

"Betty won't leave your side, in fact!"

Subaru nods to those in agreement and looks to Julius who stands and flips his hair. 

"Subaru, if you would, grace us with a speech,"

Subaru narrows his eyes, "I don't follow," he says in a serious tone, legitimately not understanding the 'kNiGhT oF KnIgHtS.'  

"As you did in Preistella, I ask that you send us into battle with words of encouragement,"

Subaru sets his jaw and looks to those around him. Garfiel, remembering the speech looks at Subaru akin to a child seeing a childhood hero. Rem shares a similar look along with others who wait for his reply. 

Emilia places a delicate hand on his shoulder, "Subaru if it wasn't your speech, I couldn't have worked up the courage to stand tall that day,"

Subaru smiles, "Then I have no choice, Emilia-tan,"

The self-proclaimed orator stands to full height, he looks once at his bro, Al, neither of the two had spoken a word to one another, partly due to warnings from their camp mascots as well as a few others. 

Al gives a thumbs up but says nothing. 

Subaru takes a deep breath and begins to speak:

"Good morning," Subaru says, despite it being the afternoon, those gathered exchange confused looks, wondering how the greeting translates to fire time.

"In less than an hour aircrafts from here will join others from around the world and you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind."

"Uh, aircraft, Subaru?" Emilia questions, but is shooshed by Beatrice, who doesn't want anyone to interrupt her contractor's big speech.

"Mankind, that word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore."

"Petty differences?"

"Anastasia-sama, with all due respect, let's not interrupt Subaru,"

Anastasia raises a brow, sighs, and goes back to listening.

No one else speaks as Suabru's voice carries throughout the room, he doesn't miss a beat and has prepared for this his whole life.

"We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it’s fate that today is the 4th of July and you will once again be fighting for our freedom not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution but from annihilation."

"Fourth of what?" Otto, whispers to Ram, who shrugs, not understanding at no fault of her own, "Ram hasn't the faintest clue what Barusu is talking about,"

"Shut up, you two," Rem says in a loud whisper, "Subaru-kun, is talking,"

Ram looks at her sister but doesn't retort. She understood the girl hung onto every word Subaru spoke, even if it was all mumbo-jumbo. 

Meanwhile, Al has a finger under his chin, actively sifting through his memory bank, in search of reference.

"We’re fighting for our right to live, to exist, and should we win today the 4th of July will no longer be known as an American holiday but as the day when the world declared in one voice,"

"What is America, nyah?" purrs Felix to his lady, who listens intently to Subaru's speech. 

"I don't know, Felix, but Subaru-dono's words are inspiring,"

"Really? What is he talking about, though?"

Wilhelm places a wrinkled hand on the boy's shoulder, "My boy, it's not the message that's inspiring, but my grandson's delivery,"

"Nyah? Grandson…?"

Wilhelm doesn't elaborate. Felix sensing it was the end of their hushed conversation goes back to listening.

“We will not go quietly into the night!"

Felt says, 'Hell yeah!" and Reinhard reminds her that a lady shouldn't curse. 

"Put a sock in it, Rein!" 

Reinhard apologizes and goes back to being inspired by Subaru's words.

"We will not vanish without a fight."

Julius closes his eyes, and smiles, satisfied with Subaru's rhyme scheme.

"We’re going to live on!"  

Emilia wipes a tear from her eye, proud of her knight and personal butler.

"We’re going to survive. Today we celebrate our Independence Day!”

A raucous round of applause feels the room, and the day and time is marked. Truly a new holiday was born that day and Subaru received pats on the back. 

Al approaches, Subaru grins wickedly, "What did you think bro?"

The mysterious knight scratches his hidden goatee, "Uh, it was good, but bro—I didn't get the reference…?"

Emilia, and Priscilla, cease their celebration and look at Subaru.

"Subaru…you were referencing something…again…?"

"Yeah, Emilia-tan and I'm honestly surprised Bro here didn't get it,"

"This boy seems to enjoy making me look like a fool,"

"What?! No! The speech the president gives before he speeds off to fight the invading aliens on Independence Day is super inspiring! I thought it would work here, considering we are about to face Lust,"

Priscilla clicks her tongue and doesn't admit that she felt inspired by Subaru's speech.

 Subaru turns to Al, "You remember the movie right?"

"Eh, sorry bro, I have no idea what you were talking about,"

"Independence Day? With Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith? Remember, Will Smith punches that Alien and is like, 'Welcome ta Earth ,' remember?"

Al shakes his head, "Sorry bro, I never heard of it,"

Subaru slumps his shoulders, "Man, I really like that movie. Oh well,"

"Subaru, you can tell me about it!" Emilia offers. 

"And mineself would grace you as well," Priscilla also is interested.

Subaru smiles, "Alright, then it's a date!"

"R-Rem wants to hear about alien punching too!" Rem butts in, refusing to let her position be usurped. 

"Well, how about after all of this is over I can tell everyone about it?"

They all agree and the five camps prepare for departure. A formidable foe stands in their path, and the key to success lies squarely on Subaru's shoulders—like always. 

Chapter Text

Capella stood, almost towering above several before her. After breaking through the ranks of mutated Witch Cultists, Subaru, and the gang were before the dastardly archbishop, ready to battle. 

Subaru clenched his teeth and tightened his fists. He locked eyes with the petit girl, who seemed to chortle from his heated gaze. Standing close by, Emilia holds a look of ferocity, her demeanor hostile and waiting to make a move. Rem, not one to leave Subaru’s side, horn nearly protrudes from her forehead, like a stallion raring to race, she waits at the starting gate. Beatrice also hovers close to Subaru, prepared to risk life over limb to ensure her contractor's safety. 

Others, too, are just a little behind. Considering how heinous and dangerous Capella is, many are prepared to see her defeated. Subaru takes a step forward, and Capella smiles. 

“So, the weak worm wishes to die early? Such a shame, and here I thought I could turn you into an accessory to wear, maybe a skin bikini? Or perhaps something even more erotic?” Capella licks her fingertips. Rem nearly lunges at the girl, but Emilia stops her. Subaru, not one to back down, spits at the idea. 

“You’re disgusting, Capella, and how you view others is equally vile. You’re filth of the highest degree!” 

Capella weathers this, utilizing hand gestures to mock Subaru. She grins, “Oh, so you find me disgusting, is that it? Even though I can change my looks to suit your tastes and even, say, combine your two lovers there beside you into the ultimate woman, would you still revile such beauty? Does the idea not turn you on?” 

Rem and Emilia cringe at the very thought. Subaru scoffs, “Your idea of beauty is warped! Emilia-tan and Rem-rin are hot and-” Despite the situation, Emilia and Rem still giggle like school girls at the compliment before getting back into a fighting stance, “-they have personality. They are both caring and possess something you’ll never have!” 

Capella grits her teeth, “Which is what, exactly?” 

Subaru grins, “A heart.” 

Emilia, Rem, and Beatrice go, ‘oooooo’ at Subaru’s declaration. 

“Pffft-how cliche? What’s a heart when you have a body so hot, no amount of ice magic can cool it off!” 

Subaru starts to speak, but footsteps close in behind him. He and the others turn to see Priscilla, Reinhard, Julius, and Garfiel appear. Subaru looks back at Capella. He grins ear to ear.

“It looks like you’re outnumbered.” 

Capella snickers, “Bring an army, and I’ll decimate them.” 

“Sorry I’m late, Cap’n,” Garfiel says, cracking his knuckles, “But it looks like the bitch is ready for us.” 

Subaru nods, “Yeah, I’m counting on you, bro.” 

Priscilla crosses her arms and looks at the Archbishop. “You think someone who can shapeshift would do something about those split ends?” 

Capella grinds her teeth while several in front of her laugh. Priscilla, proud of her insult landing its marks, smirked devilishly. 

“Big talk for a bimbo,” Capella says. She extends her hand but stops when a newcomer approaches. She looks at the person and narrows her eyes. “Well, well, it’s the mysterious helmet head from Pristella. Come back for another round, I take it?” 

Everyone turns to look at Al. Subaru’s eyes light up. 

Al looks at him and nods, “There are some who would begin to doubt whether your errand is fit to tell.” Al says. Everyone is already looking at the knight with confusion.  

“Al, this isn't the time or place!” Priscilla warns her knight, but he ignores her. Rem, Beatrice, and Emilia quickly look at Subaru to gauge his reaction and immediately turn pale. 

“Oh no, don’t tell me…” Emilia says, facepalming. 

“Subaru-kun, talk about nothing with Sir Al later! We are facing a sin archbishop!” 

Subaru ignores them, as well as Beatrice, who tries to get the young boy to snap out of it. Others try to focus on Capella but can’t help but look at the two out of the corner of their eye. 

“You are tracking the footsteps of two young hobbits, I believe. Yes, hobbits.”

Subaru continues to stare, completely spellbound, “Uh, Cap’n, the fuck is a hob-bit?” 

“A half-ling, Garf,” Subaru answers but doesn’t take his eyes off Al. Garfiel tilts his head, and Subaru’s simple explanation sails overhead.  

Al continues, “Don’t stare as if you had never heard that strange name before. You have, and so have I. Well, they climbed up here the day before yesterday and met someone they did not expect. Does that comfort you?” 

“AL, cease this charade immediately!” 

Capella meanwhile watches on in perplexity, almost annoyed at being ignored. Still, the sheer preposterous scene unfolding between Al and Subaru leaves her watching the two ignoramuses with a muddled look. 

Al does not answer, however, and while Emilia and Rem implore Subaru to snap out of it, he speaks. 

“Saurman!” Cries Subaru, “Speak! Tell us where you have hidden our friends?!” 

Emilia and Rem back up slightly, “Friends? Subaru, what’s going on?” Emilia asks.

“Subaru-kun, did Al do something to the others?” 

Beatrice’s jaw hangs open, “Are you two morons serious, I wonder?” 

Emilia and Rem look at her, “The two idiots are acting out the Lord of the Rings, remember?” 

The two girls have an ‘aha’ moment, “Oh yeah! The story about the little people people Subaru told us about?” 

Beatrice shakes her head, “Betty wonders if you even listen to her Subaru.” 

“Rem listens! Rem remembers that hobbits are like dwarves!” 

Beatrice sighs, “Stature is all they have in common. Listen, and I’ll explain, in fact!” 

While Beatrice is waxing intellectual about the main differences between hobbits and dwarves, the others continue to watch the strange scene unfold, and for whatever reason, Subaru referring to Al as ‘Mithrandir’ and dropping to one knee leaves them speechless. The two chums wholly enrapture them. 

Subaru looks up, “Gandalf!” 

Julius deadpans, “What, Gandalf? What is going on, Subaru?” 

The knight of knights had difficulty keeping up, while Reinhard, utilizing some cockamamie divine protection, hung on to every word of the duo. 

“Julius, please don’t interrupt the two. They are getting to the best part.” 

Julius stares at Reinhard, “You can’t be serious?” He is ‘shushed’ by Reinhard. Meanwhile, Priscilla taps her foot, waiting for the two to finish. 

“Beyond all hope, you return to us in our need! What veil was over my sight? Gandalf!” Subaru goes through the script, demonstrating great emotion, nearly coming to tears while staring up at Al.

“Gandalf,” Al repeats the name as if hearing it for the first time, “Yes, that was my name. I was Gandalf.” 

Al approaches Subaru, gesturing for the boy to stand. Almost on instinct, everyone backs away from the two of them.

 “Yes, you may still call me Gandalf.”

“Gandalf…you’re all white now?” 

Everyone looks at Al, tilting their heads, wondering what Subaru meant by, ‘All white now.’

“Indeed I am Saruman, one might almost say, Saruman as he should have been. I have passed through fire and deep water since we parted. I have forgotten much that I thought I knew and learned again much that I had forgotten. I can see many things far off, but many things that are close at hand I can not see. Tell me of yourselves!” 

“M-My name is Reinhard!” 

Priscilla, Julius, and Garfeil look at the knight with confusion.

“Why is the fool introducing himself to Al?” Priscilla asks, “Aldebaran! Hurry up and finish this farce!” 

Al holds his hand up, signaling he is close to the end. He looks back at Subaru. 

“Gandalf….” Subaru says again. 

“Yes, that is what they used to call me. Gandalf the grey.” 

Behind the two, Emilia and Rem watch with bated breaths while Beatrice mouths the words Al is speaking after being reminded of the specific scene from The Two Towers. The three girls dare not interrupt the two. Likewise, Capella watches with interest. 

“I am Gandalf the white, and I come back to you now—at the turn of the tide!” 

Several start applauding the performance. Subaru and Al turn and bow. Capella crosses her arms. 

“That’s it!? You’re not going to finish or anything?” 

Subaru and Al look at her with confusion. “What are you talking about?” Subaru asks, “We’re not done with you.” 

“Yeah, what bro said!” 

Upon seeing the two idiots acting seriously, the others jump back into character and stare down the archbishop. 

Capella growls, “That’s the problem with lowlives like you!” 

“Hey, you’re the lowlife!” Emilia fires back, and Capella rolls her eyes.

“You see, that is what I hate about you people!” 

Al narrows his eyes, but the simple gesture remains hidden. Subaru, however, furrows his brow.

“Hate...?” he says.

“Subaru-kun, stand back, let Rem-” he puts his hand up, stopping her. Subaru and Capella stare one another down.

“LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT YOU HOW MUCH I’VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE!” 

Subaru suddenly raises his voice and draws everyone’s attention. Capella leans back, caught off guard by his overly aggressive tone. Before he spoke calmly, albeit authoritatively, but now, Subaru became unhinged, almost possessed with otherworldly anger. Emilia looked at her knight, almost frightened by how angry he appeared. 

“Subaru...?” 

He doesn’t answer and continues to lay into Capella. 

“THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER-THIN LAYERS THAT FILL MY COMPLEX! IF THE WORD HATE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH NANO ANGSTROM OF THOSE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF MILES, IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE HATE I FEEL FOR HUMANS AT THIS MICRO-INSTANT FOR YOU. HATE. HATE!” Subaru starts to laugh.

Subaru’s sudden mention of his hatred of the human race causes everyone, including Capella, to gasp. Even Al is shocked by the boy. 

“Su-Subaru, what’s gotten into you, I wonder?” Beatrice asks, growing nervous while her contractor cackles madly. 

“Y-Yeah, Subaru-kun, what are you talking about? Rem knows you are angry, but she didn’t expect you to hate humanity?” 

Rem and Beatrice are almost heartbroken, and his fellow knights look at him with misunderstanding. Capella is surprised also; she assumed Subaru was a goody-two shoe, but now she wasn’t so sure. 

Subaru’s hate monologue continues, “Were I human, I think I would die of it, but I am not.” 

Emilia’s hands fly over her mouth, “Subaru, you’re not human?!” 

She doesn’t get an answer. Al, too, is just as shocked. 

“You five—you five are, and you will not die of it,” 

Everyone wonders which five Subaru means. They were all bamboozled by the boy and forgot the current situation entirely. The threat of Capella was no longer prevalent, but Natsuki Subaru filled them with dread. Even though he didn’t turn to look at them once, just his tone and the words he spoke were enough to worry them.  

“That, I promise, and I promise cogito ergo sum for I am AM , I am!” Subaru laughs some more. “So to hell, TO HELL WITH YOU ALL! But then, you’re already there? Aren’t you!?” Subaru's laugh grows more maniacal.

Emilia starts to cry, along with Rem and Beatrice. 

“Subaru! What do you mean!? Did this foul fiend poison your mind!?” Julius questions. 

Priscilla hasn’t spoken. Initially, she found Subaru amusing, but she even grew weary of him. 

“Pal, are you quoting something? I can’t tell.” Al asks. He, too, was caught up in the emotion. 

Capella stares at Subaru with fear and horror for the man before her. “Eh, look, I-I was just messing around. I-I d-didn’t mean it, I-I…” Capella turns and flees, not wishing to face Subaru. 

He watches her go and shrugs, “Huh, I didn’t see that coming?” Subaru turns to look at everyone, “What’s wrong?” 

No one speaks initially, “Subaru…” Emilia gingerly approaches, “A-Are you alright…?” 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” he smiles and looks at Al, “But bro, when you started to quote Lord of the Rings, I got to thinking, and then Capella mentioned the word Hate, and I knew I had to quote Harlan Ellison’s masterpiece,“I have no mouth, and I must scream,”

“Uh, what, bro?” 

Subaru looks surprised, “Bro, you have never read, “I have no mouth, and I must scream?” 

Al shakes his head, “Er, sorry—I haven’t, and I'm not going to lie, but I was slightly scared of you, bro.” 

“You were? Why?”

“ARE YOU SERIOUS, I WONDER!?” 

Subaru looks at Beatrice, “What?”

“Subaru, Betty has never seen that side of you, in fact. She legitimately thought you hated humans!” 

Subaru jumps back, “Eh, for real?” he looks at Reinhard, “Dude, I’m surprised you didn’t mention that I was lying?” 

Reinhard looks away, almost ashamed, “Uh, the truth is, Subaru…” he hesitates, “I didn’t detect a lie.” 

Subaru starts to sweat, “Rein, I was quoting a book, believe me, man-er, well, I also quoted from the Radio drama the BBC put out—but bro, I don’t hate people!” 

“Y-Yes, of course not.” Reinhard didn’t want to mention that Subaru was partly lying. so he didn’t press the issue. He changed the subject, “Anyway, it would seem that the sin archbishop got away.” 

“Heh, more like Cap’n made her piss her pants!” Garfiel slapped Subaru's back, “Damn, bro, that was badass! You had me there! You’ll have to tell me more about this Harlan Ellison guy!” 

Subaru beams a smile, “Bro, he is a fantastic author. He wrote this story about a boy with a psychic dog and how they survive in a wasteland!” 

Subaru looks at Al, “I’m surprised you haven’t heard of him. Fallout draws influence from his short story 'A boy and his dog,' and you said you liked the early games. There is even a movie about the story.” 

Al scratches his chin, “Uh, sorry, I only read The Lord of the Rings, Oh—also Watership Down. Did you read it-”

“Shut the fuck up, Al.” 

Everyone looks at Subaru, who suddenly changes tone. Al looks surprised. 

“Don’t fucking mention, R-Rabits around me—ever! Got it?” 

Al looks at Priscilla, who shrugs, “Uh, okay. Sorry, Pal, I won't.” 

Subaru smiles, “Good, let’s go and meet with the others!” 

“Uh, yeah…” 

Subaru turns to Emilia and Rem, who laugh awkwardly. 

“Let’s go, Emilia-tan and Rem-rin! If you want, I can tell you about some other sci-fi and fantasy books I read.”

“Yeah, I’d like that Subaru.”

“Rem too, Su-Subaru-kun.” 

The three leave. Beatrice follows after but turns to look at Al, “Betty would ask that you not upset her contractor again, in fact.” 

“Uh, I wasn’t trying to. I didn’t know Pal hated rabbits so much.

Beatrice couldn’t comprehend either. She and Subaru had conquered the great Rabbit without incident, but even she knew not to mention the bunnies around him. Subaru even detests simple bunny ear hair accessories. 

“Just think before you speak, I suppose.” Beatrice goes after Subaru, leaving the others standing in utter confusion. 

Garfiel walks by, “Man, Cap’n is such a bamf. He nearly made ya piss your pants, bro!” 

Garfiel laughs and races after Subaru. Al looks at Priscilla, “Uh, Princess, are you interested in Watership Down?” 

Priscilla looks at her knight, “Al, the only thing I am interested in is a bath.” she leaves the oaf standing with Julius and Reinhard. Al looks at the two of them.

“What about you guys?” 

Julius and Reinhard look at one another and shrug. 

“That’s fine by me, sir Al.” 

“I agree, but first I need to find Felt-sama. I ran off and left her, and I’m afraid she will be cross with me.”

Later on, Al, along with the Felt and Anastasia camp, tells the story of Fiver and his cohort of rabbits in search of a new warren. Meanwhile, Subaru talks ad nauseam about Lord of the Rings lore and nearly puts everyone to sleep when he starts to discuss the Silmarillion. 

Chapter Text

When others' lives revolve around a few, discussions exist solely on the topics of those who–unbeknownst to them–inspire frivolous conversations. These fruitless discussions take shape without planning and materialize organically, like island formations from volcanic rock or the eventual need to add windshield washer fluid to a car. As if it were fate, topics shift from something about nothing to nothing entirely. 

This overarching theme is the same for a group of rival candidates, who, having just finished a boring meeting involving royal selection business, are alone and shooting the shit. Like most people who learn to tolerate others long enough that eventual friendships develop, the girls brag to one another about mundane subject matter.

“As ya can see, the shoe's sole was carved from the finest wood of Kararagi. It cost quite a lot to have it made to my specifications.” Said Anastasia, who sat crossed leg, with her right foot perched high enough for Crusch and Priscilla to marvel at. 

“I see,” replied Crusch, impressed by the craftsmanship and pondering how much it would cost her to have a new pair of boots made. 

Anastasia puffed her chest out, satisfied with Crusch’s thoughtful expression plastered across her face. Another of the merchant queen’s rivals snorted contemptibly. 

“The cobbler is quite skilled, but they can’t compare to those of Vollachia.” 

Anastasia rolled her eyes, “I’ve seen the shoes from there. They are all gaudy and look uncomfortable. No wonder Vollachia has a stick up its ass. Their shoes hardly fit anyone!” 

Even though Priscilla inwardly burned with admiration for Anastasia’s foot apparel, she refused to bend her knee to ‘southern trash.’ 

“That’s because we brandish warriors, and those who complain of mere foot pain deserve to be trampled under the shoes they detest so much!” 

Anastasia smirked triumphantly. Despite Priscilla defending her country's footwear, she couldn’t deny their lack of support or the necessary space for a person’s toes. 

Priscilla grumbled and changed the subject, looking at Emilia. “Half-wit, I see your nails have been painted. I can’t say I approve of the color, but the cat caricature is cute.” 

Emilia, too busy showing her nails to Felt to talk about shoes, smugly beamed and held up her hand, “I see you have a keen eye, Pris. My knight painted them for me!” 

Anastasia whistled, “Impressive. When ya eventually lose the Royal selection, at least you can rest assured that Natsuki-kun can open a nail salon to support you.” 

Emilia chuckled, “That’s ri—wait a second! What makes you think I’ll lose?” 

Anastasia shrugged, “Call it a hunch.” 

“You’re just jealous that your nails aren’t as cute.” 

“No, I’m not.” 

Crusch smirked, “Anastasia….” but the merchant’s queen's sideways glance suggested she button her lip. Crusch continued to grin. 

“Not surprisin’ Big Bro is good at paintin’ nails, considerin’ all the weird stuff he knows. I imagine he has other hidden talents!” 

Felt’s big, crimson eyes hadn’t ceased sparkling at the cute cat on Emilia’s nails. She would never admit it, but she wished for painted nails. 

“Yep! Subaru is pretty goofy and knows a lot of useless stuff!” Emilia said with pride. The other girls looked at one another curiously, wondering if what Emilia had said was a compliment or not. 

Emilia continued, unaware of the other girls’ thoughts, talking openly about Subaru’s many exploits. 

“Not only is Subaru reeeaaally good at sewing and, uh, other stuff—he knows a lot of fun stories, too!” 

Anastasia sighed, partly annoyed the theme shifted from her new shoes to Subaru once again, “Dammit, Julius!” she thought, “Why do ya have to be so boring and only talk about knightly duties, ‘n stuff all the time!” 

Even though Julius possessed looks leaps and bounds above Subaru and was exemplary compared to him as a knight, he still lacked Subaru’s vast knowledge of useless pop culture and trivia. Anastasia needed to fix that. 

“So what did Big Bro have to say this time?” Felt leaned forward. 

The former thief grew fond of Subaru’s grandiose tales and boastful display of absurdity. She had asked Reinhard if he could ask Odlaguna for a divine protection of useless knowledge but only got trivia based on different types of produce. Felt groaned when Reinhard enthusiastically spoke about the many kinds of appas found throughout Lugunica and how they differed from the appas found in Gusteko. She could do little to stay awake during Reinhard’s fruit lecture and often wondered if Od messed up and gave him the blessing of a dull conversationalist. 

Emilia balanced her chin cutely between her index finger and thumb, “Heh-heh.” She smirked, “If you must know, Subaru told me about humanity's endless struggles against the oppressive robots called Cylons."

Felt nodded thoughtfully, “I have no idea what the hell that is, but it sounds awesome!” 

Emilia flipped her hair, similar to Ram when the lazy maid displayed her authority, “It’s a tale fraught with love and heartache,”

Felt scooched even further in her seat, “Yeah?” she said, wanting more. 

Crusch listened intently, “I wonder if Subaru-dono’s knowledge of war comes from these tales of heroism?” 

Emilia looked at the duchess, “Totally,” 

This was clearly bullshit, and Crusch might have sensed the lie had she not been the one to perpetrate it, leaving Emilia naive enough to believe that Subaru learned everything he needed to know about warfare from watching Battlestar Galactica. 

“Subaru-dono is truly impressive.” 

“Yeah, Subaru is a reeeaaally good boy,” 

Priscilla loudly closed her fan in protest, “The fool may be knowledgeable of oddities, but you four forget that Al is also an idiot who is equally absurd.” 

Anastasia bit her nail, “Dammit, Julius!” she thought again, still annoyed her knight couldn’t compete in the arena of obscurity. 

“Well, I bet Al has never seen a Cylon, unlike Subaru, who says that they could beat up See-tree-pee-oh and the other one that beeps when it talks!” 

Emilia crossed her arms challengingly. Priscilla merely stared at the girl; she shook her head, “Mineself should be offended by the lack of knowledge you claim to know so well.” 

“Oh?”

Priscilla crossed her arms to match Emilia, “First, it’s C-3PO, and he is a protocol droid that does not engage in combat,” 

Emilia rolled her eyes while Priscilla continued, “And the one the 'beeps' is a snarky astromech droid who could dance circles around a Cylon when engaged in interstellar battle!” 

“Can not!”

“Can too!” 

Felt, Crusch, and Anastasia sat silently, looking at the two combatants. The three girls, having previously heard about the story of Star Wars based on Subaru and Al’s accounts, were used to the alien topic, but it still didn’t mean they could wrap their heads around it. It was the same for the Emilia and Priscilla camps, the difference being that both matriarchs of the aforementioned groups felt as if they knew what they were talking about. 

“A Cylon is like suuuper strong and could beat Darth Vader!” 

The gloves came off. Priscilla's gasp of shock nearly sent the vice president of the 'Vollachian Star Wars fan club' falling from her chair. She could not believe what she had just heard. 

She repositioned herself forward. “Are you daff? You suggest this Cylon could beat Lord Vader?” 

“Sure am!” 

Priscilla was at a loss for words. She chuckled in disbelief at Emilia’s misplaced arrogance. 

She stood and cracked her knuckles. Emilia stood, too, but was unable to crack her knuckles. The other three girls turned to one another and returned to discussing Anastasia’s shoes. 

Chest-to-chest—Priscilla and Emilia stared into one another's eyes. 

“Very well,” Priscilla said under her breath.

“Sure,” Emilia said under hers.

“I propose a geek off!” 

Emilia narrowed her eyes, “I don’t know what that is, but bring it!” 

Priscilla stepped back and smirked, “Next month at the first annual Vollachia Star Wars convention, your foolish knight will face my foolish knight in a contest of wits. There, we’ll see who the biggest idiot is!” 

“Oh, we’ll be there! No one's a bigger dunderhead than Subaru!” 

They grinned at one another. The other three royal candidates returned their focus to the two girls squaring off.

“They're both idiots. What’s it matter?” Anastasia asked legitimately. 

“Only that this fool believes a Cylon could beat Lord Vader. If this is what her knight is telling her, then I have no choice but to set him straight!” 

Anastasia was still confused and looked at Emilia, “Uh, what’s this about again?” 

Not taking her eyes off Priscilla, she responds to Anastasia, “Subaru will defend my honor in a trivia contest.” 

“Okay…?” Anastasia was still confused. 

Felt scratched her head, “Uh, so like, who is asking the questions?” 

“Vincent, of course!” Priscilla smiled devilishly. “He just so happens to have an ancient tomb written I-script by Hoshin filled with useless trivia!” 

Anastasia shot up from her seat, “SHUT THE FUCK UP!” she shouted, “HE HAS WHAT!?!?”

She licked her lips, "I-Is the book the prize for winnin?" Anastasia asked.

Priscilla shrugged, "Sure. My brother will probably protest, but I don't care."

The merchant queen drooled and shook, “C-C-Can anyone enter?” 

“I don’t see why not?” Priscilla said. 

Anastasia pumped her fist and turned to leave, “I got to go! Julius has some trainin’ to do!” she quickly left the room. Outside, they could hear Anastasia shouting for her knight. 

Felt and Crusch looked at each other, “Ain’t no way Julius will win that book.” 

“No lie detected. Poor Julius will make a fool of himself because of Anastasia’s greed.” 

Both girls were correct. Julius would surely lose to Subaru and Al. But he would enter to win the conveniently placed plot device regardless. 

Priscilla chortled, “Well, it’s time I left and prepared Al for the duel.” 

“Good idea. Try to break it to him gently! Also, no cheating, either!” 

“I would never cheat!” Priscilla said, offended. 

Emilia looked at Crusch, “She speaks the truth.”

She turned back and nodded, “Okie-dokie.” 

Priscilla clicked her tongue and marched out of the room. Soon after, Emilia would follow. She couldn’t wait to tell Subaru the excellent news. 

Left alone, Crusch and Felt thought silently about what transpired. Both were still confused about how the conversation shifted to a challenge between Subaru and Al. 

“Well, either way. I can’t wait to see Big Bro in action!” Felt said, getting to her feet. 

Crusch smiled, “Then it’s safe to assume you’ll be in attendance?” 

Felt shot Crusch a thumbs up, “Ya bet your noble ass I will.”

“Then, my camp will see you there.” 

Both girls left the room together and discussed plans to get something to eat. 

Later:

Emilia briskly walked through the royal palace until she found Subaru standing with Rem, Beatrice, and Garfiel, talking about nothing. 

“Subaru, guess what!?” she yelled, announcing her presence.

“Oh, hey Emilia-tan! I was just in the middle of telling Garf and Rem about John Carpenter’s ‘The Thing .’ Did you want to join us?” 

Behind Subaru, Garfiel and Rem looked confused. Beatrice, having heard about John Carpenter, was only silently lost. 

“Later! Look, get ready—because you will be defending my honor next month!” 

Subaru blinked, “Come again…?”

“YEP! Priscilla and I decided that you and Al will duel to see who knows the most stuff!” 

Subaru stared in disbelief. 

“Hell yeah, Cap’n!” said Garfiel, slapping his friend on the back.

“Rem will be rooting for you, Subaru-kun.” Said Rem, smiling encouragingly. 

“Betty’s Subaru will beat the helmeted weirdo, in fact!” said Beatrice proudly. 

Emilia put her hands on her hips, “That’s right! So you better win, bucko!” 

Subaru continued to look at Emilia like a deer caught in the mystical gaze of a car’s headlights about to be smeared across the road. 

“Subaru?” 

The other three looked at Subaru with worry.

Subaru facepalmed. “You gotta be fuckin’ kiddin’ me,” he responded, quoting John Carpenter's pinnacle of science-fiction horror.

While Emilia attempted to sell Subaru the idea of a trivia battle,  Al was doing one-arm push-ups with Priscilla sitting on his back, shouting questions about Star Wars at him. 

“Who shot first, worm? Greedo or Han!?” 

“Han did, princess!” answered Al in a raspy voice. 

Priscilla leered, “Good—just wait, half-wit! My clown will prove once and for all that he is the bigger fool!” 

Al continued to do push-ups. He was in the same boat as Subaru but wasn’t about to share his grievances with Priscilla. 

“Damn, Pal,” he thought, “What the hell did we start?” 

“Faster, Aldebaran!” Priscilla took off her shoe and whipped her knight.

“Y-Yes, Princess!” 

Chapter Text

“Well, that’s it,” Al said, closing the final book in Vincent's monumental series, a collection of works encompassing every morsel of Star Wars knowledge and snippets of fanfiction, all written and starring Vincent himself. 

“I still don’t get why I had to read five thick books of Star Wars facts when it was me who told Vincent in the first place?” 

Al asked this when he turned to Priscilla, who was quietly sipping tea and reading through manuscripts rumored to have been written by Hoshin. She placed the parchment roll to the side, blew her tea, took another sip, and looked at Al. 

“It’s simple. Knowing you have a child's attention span, I must ensure you are ready for the inevitable.” She takes another sip, “Also, I hate losing, and considering how capable Subaru is when it comes to bullshit knowledge, it stands to reason the half-wit's knight might come out on top.” 

“Aw, Pal, might be happy to hear you complimenting him like that.”

“It shouldn’t come as a surprise that someone as graceful as myself can bolster a compliment now and then.” She looks once more at Al before picking up the manuscript she previously sat aside, “Also, if you know what’s good for you, you’ll keep what I said about him to yourself.” 

“Got it. I’ll keep your character development between us.” 

Priscilla didn’t respond and continued to stare at the manuscript, occasionally bringing the rim of her teacup to her lips. Al stared at her and felt a wave of comfort and reassurance. Knowing that his lady sat with him, helping him prepare for the battle between him and Subaru, brought unexpected joy to his heart.

It had been a little over a year since the events in Vollachia, and thanks to his bro’s inhuman efforts, he and Subaru miraculously saved Priscilla and prevented the rapidly unfolding catastrophe. Since then, Subaru continued to make a name for himself, and it was plain to see that Emilia’s lead in the royal selection was due to his valiant efforts. 

Fixing the effects of Gluttony, healing those affected by the dragon’s blood in Priestella, hell, even the activities of the witch cult diminished thanks to him giving the heebie-jeebies to Capella; since then, no one has heard from her, and rumors started to circulate from Gusteko that the Assassins guild that linked to the Sin Archbishop was defunct. Subaru truly impressed Al and did precisely what Al had told him so long ago in Vollachia when Subaru looked to be his lowest and became a true hero, thanks to Al’s pep talk. And it was because of Subaru's drive to succeed that Al could have these moments with Priscilla; all he could do is prey they never end. 

Priscilla feels Al’s stare and looks at him, “What are you staring at, Al? Did you need something?” 

Al shook his head, “No, Princess, I’m eternally grateful you are here with me.” 

She laughs, “You act like I’ve died and come back to life?” 

Al chuckles lightly, “I guess I am. Sorry. After what happened in Volachia, I can’t help but feel your death could have been a reality.” 

“Well, that didn’t happen, so there's no point in dwelling on past variables. In any case, I suggest you tear your gaze from my world-shattering beauty and get to studying! I refuse to yield to Emilia and listen to her gloating. That girl can get annoying when she is rubs in her small victories.” 

Al laughs, “You’re right!” He picks up a book titled ‘Vincent: Darth Varder’s Padawan’ and begins to read. 

A month later, the first annual Star Wars convention kicked off in Vollachia, with scores of the country's citizens enjoying the festivities. The convention was different from your average fanfest. It was more of a national holiday, with the capital of Vollachia hosting a ceremony, and more akin to what one might find in any fantasy novel, where the king or queen holds a citywide party celebrating themselves. The main difference was that everyone was required to dress in cosplay. 

Subaru, Emilia, and Rem walk through the streets, enjoying the vendor stalls. Since becoming a true ‘BAMF,’ Subaru grew more daring and invited the two girls on a date before the trivia duel between Al and himself—Julius is also part of the battle of the nerds. But neither Subaru nor Al registers him as a threat. 

Subaru—dressed like Captain Kirk from Star Trek—decided to be a rebel and refused to wear any Star Wars cosplay. Emilia and Rem agreed to share in his protest, and both are wearing Star Trek regalia, with Emilia dressed like a Vulcan and Rem wearing the red attire of a crewmate. They each have an ice cream cone. 

“Vincent really went all out, right?” Subaru said.

“Yeah, Rem is quite amazed at how different the capital looks from when we first arrived here.” 

Emilia looked around. "Not to mention all the yummy foods!” She pointed to a vendor. “Subaru, look! They have popcorn!” 

Emilia had heard about popcorn from Priscilla, who mentioned it being introduced by Al and used during plays where Vincent would commission the country’s top thespians to reenact parts of Star Wars. It is a very popular snack. 

“Let’s get some!” Emilia said, fist clenched in determination and a smidge of ice cream at the corner of her beaming smile. 

“But you still have ice cream?” 

Emilia looks at her cone and immediately inhales it like Kirby woofing down an unsuspecting enemy. Subaru had to adjust his collar after witnessing Emilia engulf the cone in its entirety. 

“Not anymore, I don’t!” She said, cleaning the corners of her mouth. 

“Impressive! How did you not get a brain freeze, Emilia-sama?” Rem asked, who was prone to cute fits of acute headaches from eating ice cream too rapidly. 

Emilia gave Rem a thumbs up, “That’s because I am a cool customer!” 

Rem nodded while Subaru sighed, “Emilia-tan, I'm pretty sure no one says ‘cool customer’ anymore.” 

“Well, I do! So let’s go get popcorn!” Emilia pulled on Subaru’s arm toward the direction of the popcorn vendor. 

Next to the vendor is a demi-human selling corndogs. “Subaru-kun! Rem wants a corndog!” She quickly tried to eat her ice cream but succumbed to the agonizing pain of a brain freeze. She cutely gasped and rubbed the bridge of her nose. 

Subaru protested the idea, “No corndogs! Any more suggestive foods, and I might die!” 

Rem wiped the tears from the corner of her eyes and looked at Emilia, who shrugged; neither could hazard a guess about what Subaru was implying. 

“Cap’n!” He heard yelling suddenly and turned to see Garfiel running up with Mimi trailing from behind. 

“Yo, Bro! I was wondering where you ran off to?” Subaru looked at Mimi. “Oh, that makes sense.” He smiled when he noticed her dressed like Princess Leia, complete with headbuns. Well, don’t you look adorable!” Subaru complimented her and patted her head. She beamed with gratitude. 

“My lady did Mimi’s hair! She said Mimi looks like a genuine Princess!” Mimi wagged her tail with excitement. Subaru smiled and glanced at Garfiel, appropriately dressed like Han Solo. 

“See, bro. I told you to go as Han and not Luke.” 

Garfiel, already familiar with the story of Star Wars (as are most people at this point), reddens with embarrassment. “Sh-Shut up, Cap’n! I-I was mindin’ my own business! I tried to shake her off of me, but I couldn’t get rid of her!” 

Mimi pouted, “What!? Garf asked Mimi to tag along with him! How rude!” 

Garfiel tried to quell her adorable rage. Sighing, he looked at Subaru and then spied Rem and Emilia returning with popcorn. 

“Guess you guys wanted to rebel, huh? I thought Star Wars costumes were mandatory?” 

Subaru scoffed at the mention of the rule, “As if! I like Star Wars, but I’m a Trekie through and through! Just like my Mom was!” 

A bit of backstory. Subaru’s mom loved Star Trek, while his dad enjoyed Star Wars. Many a dinner time would be fraught with epic debate between the two over which was the defacto sci-fi story. Being such a mama’s boy, Subaru often sided with the Natsuki matriarch, who won his support with snacks as bribery. 

Garfiel replied with, “Huh.” 

“So where is everyone else? I am curious to see what outfits they are wearing?” 

Garfiel shrugged, “Dunno about everyone, but Brotto is only wearing a shirt with the Star Wars logo. He says he might die from embarrassment if he dressed up.” 

“That’s half the truth!” Said a voice laced with anxiety. 

Approaching the group was Otto, wearing a plain Star Wars shirt and slacks. He would have looked like your average nerd if people in the crowd hadn’t looked like Stormtroopers or Wookies. Next to him is Boba Fett. 

“Yo Brotto, and uh, Boba Fett?” 

Rem shouted excitedly and rushed to the person dressed as Boba Fett, “Nee-sama!” She exclaimed, her mouth full of popcorn. 

Subaru and Garfiel nearly fall over. Removing her helmet, Ram said hello to Rem and Emilia. She had tied her hair up to keep her bangs from obscuring her view while wearing the Madalorian’s helmet. 

“Hello, Rem.” She took notice of her outfit, “You look cute.” 

Rem’s chin pointed upward from the compliment, “Thank you, Nee-sama! Subaru made the dress for Rem! He measured her and-”

“Whoa! Whoa! Rem, it’s impolite to give away a seamster’s secrets, heh-heh…”  

Ram narrowed her eyes at Subaru, “Barusu…” she said. “Why is Rem dressed in red?” 

Ram was referring to the joke about red shirts in Star Trek always being the first to die. 

“I thought red would look good on Rem for a change!” Subaru said innocently.

“Rem agrees!” Rem backed him up. 

Ram sighed, “Well, either way, she is surprised Beatrice-sama isn’t with you. Where did she run off to?” 

“She said she had to go see Tanza about something. I think she is mad because I tried to convince her to dress like an Ewok.” 

“Shocking. Ram can’t imagine why she would be upset.” She said sarcastically. 

“Me neither! Beako would have looked so cute dressed like an Ewok! It’s criminal that she refused my suggestion!” 

“Then what is Beatrice-sama wearing?” Asked Otto. 

“A red dress like Rem.” 

Otto and Ram stare at him. 

“It’s not what you think! Lt. Ryker wore red, and he was okay throughout the series!” 

Ram shook her head. “Well, regardless.” She turned to Otto, “Otto, go buy Ram a corndog.” 

“What!? Why would I do that!?” 

Ram didn’t answer, and her stare made Otto uncomfortable. He gave in and went to buy Ram a corndog. 

“Subaru,” Emilia said, “Shouldn’t we make our way to the trivia match?” 

“Really? So soon?” 

“Yes, Barusu, that is why Otto and Ram are here. It’s getting close to starting, and we came to fetch you and purchase snacks along the way.” 

“Oh, I guess it can’t be helped then.” Subaru gestured to the sky, “Right! Let’s be off!” 

Emilia and Rem shouted, “Hurray!” 

“Prepare yourself, Al!” Subaru pointed toward the Emperor’s castle, where the match would transpire. “Throughout heaven and earth, I alone know the most useless facts!” 

Ram sighed once more and put on her helmet. “Well, Barusu, stop dawdling, and let’s go.”

Subaru was amazed at how much Ram sounded like Boba Fett when she wore his helmet. 

Anastasia stood behind Julius, rubbing his shoulders, “Alright, Juli. It’s almost show time. You got this!” She smacked his back, “Make Mama proud!” 

Ready for battle, Julius stood. He flipped bangs in the usual fashion and turned to Anastasia. She looked up at him through a painted face and long eyelashes. Despite wearing enough makeup to rival Roswaal, Julius couldn’t think how cute she looked in her Queen Amadalia getup from Star Wars Episode One. Julius, meanwhile, was dressed similarly to Aniakin Skywalker in Episode Two. 

With only an hour to go before the nerd-off, Julius and Anastasia were together getting in a quick study session based on the notes Anastasia had made from Subaru and Al’s past conversations. Without much to go on and determined to win no matter what, she placed her faith in the knight of knights to seize victory and claim the prize she sought—a grimoire packed full of secrets from Hoshin himself. 

Already owning everything written by Hoshin, appropriately housed in her personal library, Anastasia refused the idea of someone having something written by the mysterious man. Plus, the aforementioned prize was something she had no knowledge of and wasn’t aware of the book existing in the first place, so Anastasia believed she to be the tome's rightful owner. 

“We’ll win that book no matter what! Ain’t no way I’m allowin’ that tramps good lookin’ brother to keep it!” Anastasia said with brute determination in her voice. 

“On my honor as a proud Luginican knight, I will win you that prize, my lady.” Julius bowed to Anastasia, who snickered like a villainous 90s anime character. 

“Ho, Ho, Ho,” Anastasia laughed, her hand close to her mouth. “Soon, I will possess that book!” Unknowingly, she posed like Gojo and said: “Throughout heaven and earth, I alone am the keeper of Hoshin’s secrets!”

Julius snorted, “It would seem Subaru is rubbing off on you.” 

Anastasia's cheeks turned crimson, “Damn, don’t tell anyone about that!” 

Julius bowed once more, and the two of them set off to meet with her camp for a group cheer before the start of the trivia match. 

The auditorium hosting the event was dense with crowds of people. Already backstage, Subaru, Al, and Julius were taking a moment to gather their thoughts while members of their camps were taking their seats in the front rows. 

Crusch, along with Wilhelm and Felix, sit close to the Emilia camp, and Felt, along with Reinhard and members of her camp. Anastasia sits close to Priscilla, and both are already at each other’s throats about how their knights will come out on top. 

“You’re absolutely mad!” Priscilla shouted, “The fact you put poor Julius in this trivia showdown proves you aren’t fit to lead!” 

Anastasia simply scoffed at the mention of her being a poor leader, “Julius will be fine! Just wait and see what he can do!”  

They growl at one another like stray dogs, and others around them wonder if they’ll also start barking. 

“It would seem they are already at it,” Crusch said, sighing. “I can’t help but wonder why they are sitting beside one another.” 

“That’s because they are reeeaally close friends!” Emilia said through a mouth full of popcorn. 

“Emilia, it’s unladylike to talk with your mouth full,” Crusch said, taking some popcorn offered to her by Emilia. 

Emilia nodded as if hearing about proper manners for the first time. She ganders at Crusch’s outfit and whistles, “Looking sharp, Crusch!” 

Crusch smiled smugly. “Of course, I had the best tailor in the capital prepare the outfit for me.” 

Lando Calrissian inspired Crusch’s getup from the Empire’s strike back, while Felix had dressed like Slave Princess Leia in Return of the Jedi and Wilhelm like Ben Kenobi in A New Hope. They were a sight to behold, and many stopped for pictures with them. 

“When’s this ‘spposed to start?” Asked Felt, butting into the conversation between the two. 

Emilia turned to her, “Uh, from what Subaru had said, reeeaally soon.” 

“That’s comforting, I guess,” Felt said, adjusting the neck of her Princess Leia attire from A New Hope. 

“Be patient, Felt-sama. I’m sure Subaru and the others are warming up as we speak. Soon, Vincent will arrive, and the show will start.” 

Reinhard spoke with confidence and reassurance, which was enough to keep Felt from going bananas with boredom. For perspective, Reinhard wore an outfit akin to your average Jedi. 

“But still, I bet big bro is wettin’ his pants from the number of people here to watch him compete with those other two goons.” 

“You may be right, Felt-sama. But Subaru has faced more formidable foes. I’m confident he’ll do just fine.”

“Holy shit, look at that crowd…” Subaru said, peaking around the backstage curtain at the sea of anticipated faces staring at the stage. “I didn’t think mine and Al’s conversations about nothing would have turned out this way.” 

Subaru turned away from the curtain to see Beatrice and Tanza approaching, “Nervous, I wonder?” She said. 

“Swartz-sama shouldn’t act so worried.” Tanza stood next to Beatrice. Subaru couldn’t begin to guess what the two had been up to but wasn’t surprised at how chummy they both had become. “Considering Swartz-sama’s influence in Vollachia and the name he has made for himself, is it not surprising so many would come out to cheer for him?” 

Subaru instinctively patted her head. Tanza’s tail wagged approvingly, “Well, I still get nervous in this sort of situation, but I guess you got a point, Tanza. Also, I can’t help how cute you look, dressed like a little Jedi.” 

“Yes. Yorna-sama and I dressed like these Jedi she had heard about from stories. Swartz-sama’s compliment brings joy to my heart.” 

“Betty also deserves praise, as well, in fact,” Beatrice said, her cheeks puffed out, waiting for Subaru to dish out a coveted head pat.

“I saw you this morning, but sure. Beako always looks cute!” 

Carefully patting Beatrice’s head, Subaru thought more about the effect his and Al’s topics of conversation have had on Lugunica and Vollachia. 

“You know, if I’m being honest, I am worried this whole thing has gotten out of hand.” Subaru ran a hand through his hair.” We still have the cult to contend with, and the royal selection is still going on. “ He sighed. “I don’t know; I can’t help but feel guilty that I let my interests get carried away.” 

Beatrice crossed her arms, “You’re speaking as if everyone has gotten tired of your strange tales. If anything, Subaru’s stories have made a lot of people happy. ”

“I agree with Beatrice-sama. Swartz-sama’s strange stories have brought delight to many. Swartz-sama has done so much for Vollachia’s people, which is why many have taken to his strange stories.” 

“Well, Al also had a hand in some of those tales. And I’m pretty sure Vincent’s obsession with Star Wars is because of him.” 

“Yes, but Betty’s contractor has had the most influence out of the two.”

“Really? That sounds an awful lot like personal bias.” 

Beatrice shrugged, “Betty won’t apologize for placing Subaru first, in fact.” 

“But even still, it’s not like what I had to say was that important. It was all just meaningless geek talk.”

“Betty doesn’t think anything Subaru has to say is meaningless, in fact. Betty is grateful Subaru has shared such useless knowledge with her and that seeing the effect it has had will surely stand the test of time, in fact.”

Beatrice crossed her arms resolutely.  

“Stand the test of time? Are you serious?” Subaru looked skeptical that the useless trivia he had sprung on everyone would leave a lingering effect on the world; if anything, it was merely a cliffnote in Lugunica’s history. “I doubt that stories about Sailor Moon, Star Trek, Dragon Ball Z, or anything else will be talked about by people in the future. If anything, Emilia winning the Royal Selection and the toppling of the Witch Cult are the things I want the world to remember me by, not whether I prefer Captain Picard over Captain Kirk.” 

Beatrice shook her head. “Subaru is messing Betty’s point.” She looked up at him with a smile. “What Betty means is that when you are gone from Betty’s life, the memories of times like today are something she will treasure, in fact. Because what matters to Betty is Subaru’s lingering effect in her life.” 

She blushed slightly, almost embarrassed to get all mushy with him. They were close, but Beatrice did her best to put on a mature face. Subaru saw through her and instinctively ruffled her hair, causing Beatrice to growl and push his hand away. 

“Be-Betty did give Subaru this pep talk to have her hair destroyed in the process, in fact!” 

He laughed, “If that’s the case, then Beako shouldn’t be so cute when trying to act so seriously!” 

She harrumphed in typical fashion, “Either way, Subaru should ‘break a leg’ in fact.” 

“Yes, please give it your all today, Swartz-sama.” Tanza bowed.

“You’re both right! I’m gonna give it my all and win this thing!” Subaru disco posed. 

An announcer for the event approached the three of them, “Alright, it’s showtime. Are you ready, Natsuki-san?” 

Subaru looked once more at Beatrice and Tanza and then at the announcer. His smile was fierce, and a stoic look of determination permeated his face. “It’s meaningless to just live, and it’s meaningless to just fight! I want to win!” 

“Then get out there and take this match, in fact!” Beatrice slapped his back. 

“Beatrice-sama and I will be cheering you on from here,” Tanza said. 

Al and Julius walk up. Subaru locked eyes with them both and smirked, “Judgement day, bros.” 

“Subaru, as a knight of Anastasia, I will not go easy on you.” Julius offered a hand, “May the best knight win.” 

Subaru grinned, and the two shook. He looked at Al, who gave Subaru a thumbs up, “Pilot the Eva, Shinji.” 

Julius stared at Al, confused, and shook his head, “Alright, gentleman, let’s make our ladies proud.” 

“Let’s do this!” Subaru shouted again, and they walked out on stage to thunderous applause. 

The three contestants took their places. Subaru glanced at Beatrice and Tanza, who were standing beside the curtain. They gave him a thumbs-up, and Subaru returned the gesture in kind. Quickly glancing at his fellow camp members seated in the front row, he nodded to each of them, and an understanding passed between them, with each member knowing his resolve to come out of this match victorious. 

It was the same with Al and Julius. Al waved emphatically at Priscilla, who crossed her arms. She smiled at the tacky knight with a devilish grin. The understanding between them was this: If you lose this match, I’m sticking my foot up your ass! Al gave the international sign for ‘OK’ and instinctively straightened up. It was evident Priscilla meant it. 

Anastasia was too busy yelling at Julius in loud whispers about topics and answers to be cognizant of in the coming rounds. The nerd of knights spent most of his free time backstage reviewing the stacks of notes from the merchant queen. 

With three of them gathered, the lights dimmed, and a nearby ensemble of musicians started playing Darth Vader's theme. The crowd turned to the center aisle to see a person shrouded in Darth Vader cosplay approaching the stage, along with an entourage of Storm Troopers. 

Subaru had let his mouth hang open, “Don’t tell me that's…” 

The stormtroopers stopped at the stage and turned to the crowd with makeshift ‘blasters’ close to their chests. They acted as guards for the figure dressed as Darth Vader, who took his place behind a podium. Removing the comically oversized helmet, Vincent Vollachia stared at the contestants. 

Al whistled, “Quite the entrance, Vince.” He said. Vincent ignored him entirely. 

Pulling out a stack of papers and looking toward the crowd for silence, Vincent explained the game's rules. 

“Based on the information provided by Hoshin, the game will go as follows.” 

Powered by some unknown metia, a large display featuring six categories stands close to Vincent's left and between the contestants to give the audience a full view of the questions that will be asked. Al and Subaru recognized the category format immediately and exchanged glances. They silently understood each other, realizing that Hoshin had been a fan of the game show Jeopardy and had, for reasons not explained, written out a set of rules for a trivia game show. It was unclear if the crowd or the camps realized how bizarre the implication of a scenario where Hoshin would host a Jeopardy-like trivia match in a different world and even had prepared a series of questions should the event ever occur. Al and Subaru could only wonder if the mystery man had ever gotten the chance to utilize the absurd idea. 

Vincent gestured to the display, “There will be six categories and thirty questions each. As you three have already noticed, each category is worth points, with the points increasing based on the difficulty of the questions. Do any of you have any comments or concerns before we begin?” 

Subaru raised his hand, “Yeah, Vince, I have a question. Is this game called Hoshin, by chance?” 

Vincent sighed; while he and Subaru got along pretty well, there were still aspects of him that annoyed Vincent. 

“A stupid question, but yes—yes, it is.” 

“I thought so,” Subaru said. 

Just as Vincent was about to speak, Emilia immediately held up her hand and blurted out a question to Subaru. 

“Subaru! Have you played, uh, Hoshin before?” 

Others around her nodded thoughtfully, wondering the same thing. 

“Er, no—but there is this game called Jeop-” 

Vincent clears his throat loudly, getting the attention of Emilia, Subaru, and the rest of the peanut gallery. 

“I would ask that the audience please refrain from calling out to the contestants. Otherwise, I’ll have to use the force.” 

Vincent held up his hand like Darth Vader about to strangle someone. Emilia cupped her mouth with both her hands in mock surprise. “Oh no! The force!?” Emilia scratched her chin. “Uh, what’s the force again, Subaru?” 

Priscilla cradled her face in exasperation, “Ugh, and you call yourself a royal candidate half-wit…” She said, completely taken aback by Emilia’s lack of understanding of Star Wars facts. 

“I’ll tell you later, Emilia-tan.” Subaru gave her a thumbs up. 

Vincent sighed once more, “Alright, now, let’s get the match underway-” 

“WAIT!!!” 

Just as Vincent was about to talk, a shout from the crowd stopped him from speaking a second time. Everyone turned to to see Cecilus standing against a wall. 

“Oh, Od, no,” Vincent said. 

Cecilus chuckled, “You all forget about the show’s main attraction! How could you start the event without me?” 

Cecilus leaped through the air gracefully, landing on the stage as soft as a feather floating gently to the ground. He turned to Subaru, “How’s it goin’, boss? I bet you’ve been wondering when I would turn up?!” 

“Hey Ceci! So you’re competing too?” 

Cecilus crossed his arms, “What’s a stage without the star of the show!” He turned to Vincent, “Alright! Now we can start!” 

A stagehand brought out another podium for Cecilus to stand behind. He turned to Julius, “Hey, Julius! How’s it goin’?” 

Julius bowed, “Everything is going well, Cecilus. I trust you are in good spirits?” 

“Always. Is Reinhard here?” 

Reinhard stands and waves like a dork, “Cecilus, how good it is to see you! After this, we should all-” 

Putting on his Darth Vader helmet, Vincent started breathing loudly enough to stop Reinhard from speaking, “I grow impatient with this constant interrupting.” 

“Rein, sit down, you moron!” Felt said, attempting to pull him back down. “Yer embarrassin’ me!”  

“Oh, Sorry, Felt-sama.” He turned to Vincent, “And my apologies, Emperor Vincent. I meant no offense.” 

“That’s LORD Vincent.” 

“Right, of course.” Reinhard sat down. 

Vincent removed his helmet, “Okay. Hopefully, there will be no more interruptions?” 

Al shook his head, “Nope. Not from me.” He looked at Priscilla and nodded. She nodded back, happy her knight didn’t make a fool of himself like those around her. 

“Good. Let’s begin.” Vincent pointed once more at the display board. “The categories are Vintage Anime, Movies, Potent Potables, Video games, Pokemon, and Current Anime.” 

Several in the crowd turned to one another, grumbling in confusion. Meanwhile, Subaru and Al cracked their knuckles and grinned wickedly while Julius and Anastasia stared at one another. Cecilus yawned. 

Vincent explained the rules quickly and pointed at Subaru, “Okay, Subaru, we’ll start with you.” 

Subaru smiled, “Heh, it’s time to party!” He looked at Emilia and Rem. They held their fists before each other and leaned forward in their seats. He turned to Beatrice and Tanza, who both narrowed their eyes. Subaru looked back at Vincent, “Let’s go, big baby! I’ll take Video games for $1000!” 

The displayed category changed, and Vincent read the question, “This 2006 video game sequel was canceled in 2014.” 

Subaru blinked and stood silently, confused by the buzzer in his hand. “What…?” he said under his breath. 

Others in the crowd were just as confused but for different reasons entirely. 

“C’mon, Cap’n! Ain’t time to get choked up!” Garfiel shouted. 

Ram shook her head, “Typical Barusu. He chooses the hardest category but can’t answer the question.” 

“I’m sure Subaru-kun will remember soon, Nee-sama!” 

Emilia looked worried, “Subaru, you know this! Come on, try and remember!” 

While members from his camp tried to encourage him, Subaru tried to remember all the games released in 2006, but there was another problem.” 

“2014?! Shit, I’m pretty sure it was 2012; when was the last time I was in Japan? What the hell kind of question is this?” He thought to himself. 

A buzzer sounded, and to everyone’s surprise, Cecilus was attempting to steal the answer.

“Cecilus,” Vincent said. 

“Yeah, what is it?” 

Vincent stared at him, “Do you have an answer for us?” 

“To what?” 

Vincent sighed loudly, “You rang the buzzer, remember?” 

Al, Subaru, and Julius stared at the divine general, wondering if he had listened to Vincent explain the rules. 

“Oh, is that what this is? I just wanted to push the button.” 

Vincent rubbed his temples, “Anyone else?” 

The other three contestants didn’t speak. The timer finally ran out, “I’m sorry, but the correct answer was Prey 2.” 

Subaru dropped the buzzer, “Canceled!? Prey 2 didn’t come out!” 

Subaru slumped to the ground, “Subaru!!” Members of his fan club shouted, worried for the depressed goober. 

“You okay, bro?” Al said, patting his back. 

“Yeah, bro, I can’t believe Prey 2 got canceled!” 

“Yeah, total bummer, bro,” 

Growing impatient, Vincent cleared his throat loudly, “Gentleman, if you would please.” 

Subaru stood. He looked at Emilia and Rem's worried expressions. “I’m alright.” Both girls breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Alright, Al, it’s your turn.” 

“Okay, I’ll take vintage anime for $400.” 

Vincent read the question, “This famous mangaka died at the age of 54 in the year 2021.” 

“Huh…?” Al said. 

Vincent reread the question, but Al was still confused.  

Cecilus buzzed in. Vincent looked at him, “What, Cecilus?” 

“I know the answer.” He said with confidence. 

Subaru and Al looked at one another and then at Cecilus, “You do?” They both said in unison.

“Yep!” Cecilus crossed his arms. 

Everyone was silent, waiting for him to respond. 

“Cecilus,” Julius said, “Are you going to answer the question?” 

“Yeah.” 

Julius was silent momentarily, “Well, would you please answer then?” 

“Sure. The answer is Hoshin of the waste.”

Silence. Even the crowd knew that wasn’t the correct answer. Vincent shook his head, “I’m sorry, but you’re wrong. The correct answer is Kentaro Miura, creator of the Manga Berserk.” 

“WHAT!?!?” Both Al and Subaru shouted again in unison. 

“No…No, Bro— Vincent, ain’t no way Miura is dead!” 

Priscilla waved her fan. While she empathized with her knight and understood how Kentaro Miura's death affected him, she couldn’t help but be annoyed that he missed the question.

“Damn, did he at least finish Berserk?” Subaru asked Vincent, who shrugged his shoulders. 

“I don’t even know who this Miura is, nor do I care,” Vincent said. 

“Pfft- Only the best dark fantasy manga ever written—right bro?” 

Subaru turned to Al, who held up a hand. “Pal, I’m going to need a minute.”  

“Oh, yeah. Sorry, bro,” 

Vincent stacked the papers like a deck of cards, “Moving along. Julius, you’re up.” 

Julius, slightly anxious but able to hide it, knew absolutely nothing about any of the categories. Subaru and Al had previously talked about how embarrassed they felt that the stoic knight was even competing in the tournament. However, not being one to give up, Julius resolved to win the prize for his lady Anastasia. 

“C’mon, Juli! Show ‘em you mean business!” Anastasia punched the air. 

Felix shook his head back and forth, “I can’t believe Julius agreed to this.” 

“I can agree, but as a knight, he understands his duty to Anastasia,” Wilhelm said. 

“True, but Anastasia should have understood how much of a handicap Julius has against Subaru and Al. I’m sorry, but it was irresponsible to get him involved.” 

Anastasia sat forward, “I’m literally right here! Stop talkin’ like I can’t hear ya!” 

“O-Oh, Sorry, Anastasia-sama!” Felix said. 

Crusch pursed her lips, “I’m just sayin’ Ana.” 

Anastasia sat back in her seat. “Just wait! You’ll see!” 

Julius pondered the categories, “Alright, I’ll pick Movies for $600.” 

Anastasia sat forward in her seat. 

“In this 1961 Kurosawa movie, a Ronin arrives in a small town and is hired by two competing crime lords. What is the name of the movie?” 

Subaru and Al gasp and start wracking their brains, trying to recall all the Kurosawa films they’ve watched. Meanwhile, Julius scratches his chin. He had no idea what the hell Vincent was asking, but the plot reminded him of a book he had read once in Karraragi. He looked once at Anastasia, who was practically beaming, knowing full well what book Julius had in mind. 

Julius pressed his buzzer, “What is Yojimbo.” Julius said.

“You are correct.” 

Julius smiled and looked triumphantly at Al and Subaru. When they heard Julius answer, Al and Subaru instantly remembered the movie's name and inwardly kicked themselves for forgetting such a fact. But that wasn’t the only problem. If Hoshin wrote books based on movies or anime, then Anastasia probably owned those books, which meant one thing: Julius Jukulius was an actual threat. 

Anastasia stood in her seat, celebrating, “That’s right! In your face, Crusch!” She did a cute little jig while members of her camp celebrated. 

Crusch smiled, “Well, it seems I was mistaken. They don’t call Julius the knight of knights for nothing.” 

“Good job, Julius!” Reinhard called out. 

“Heh, even I didn’t see that comin’!” Felt said. 

However, Priscilla ground her teeth, livid at Al for missing the question. 

“What the heck, Subaru?” Emilia said, uncharactiscally annoyed as well. 

Subaru’s shoulders slumped, “Damn, this is harder than I realized.”

Beatrice called out to Subaru, “Don’t give up, in fact! That good-looking knight got lucky! Betty believes Subaru will get the next answer correct, in fact!” 

Pleased by Beatrice’s mini pep talk, Subaru straightened his posture, “Alright, Subaru! You got this!” He smacked his cheeks. “Still, she could have kept the ‘good looking’ part out.” 

Vincent looked at Cecilus, “It would appear that it’s your turn.” 

Waking up from a mini nap, Cecilus yawned and stretched. Vincent did all he could to hide his annoyance. 

“Alright, let’s see…” Cecilus looked at the categories. “Hmm, I’ll take Video Games for $1000!” 

Vincent rubbed his temples, “Subaru already picked that category.” 

“Oh, the Vintage Anime for a $1000, then.” 

“Fine. This famous Sailor Scout’s planet is now considered a dwarf planet due to being too small to possess any orbital dominance.”

“Easy,” Said Cecilus, but that was it. 

Subaru, however, quickly buzzed in, “P-PLUTO!” 

“Correct.” 

“YES!!” Subaru shouted and turned to Beatrice and Tanza. Beatrice celebrated while Tanza broke out a small smile. 

Looking over to his fellow camp members, he could see several celebrating as well, with Emilia gloating to Anastasia, who sank in her seat, glaring at Julius. Priscilla was in the same boat. Al might have felt a chill run up his spine if not for the fact he was still reeling from the fact Pluto was no longer a planet.

“Hold the fuckin’ phone,” He said. “Pluto is no longer a planet, bro; what gives?” 

Subaru shrugged, “I don’t know, man; I was a kid when that happened, so I don’t know what to tell ya.” 

“Nah, I can’t accept this. Pluto is like the coolest planet, and Sailor Pluto is also like the only legal Sailor Scout. Bro, what the fuck is happening over there?”

“Dude, it beats me. I was always a Sailor Mercury fan.” 

“That’s not what I mean-”

“Subaru, Al—please shut up.” Vincent reprimanded the two idiots, who both apologized to the gracious host. 

“Okay, Subaru, you’re turn.” 

Subaru attempted to crack his knuckles again, but nothing happened, “Alright! I’ll take…Current Anime for $500!” 

Vincent looked at the category question, “In chapter 236 of the hit manga Jujutsu Kaisen, this popular character tragically meets his death.” 

Subaru froze, and the crowd went silent. Scanning the excited faces of Emilia, Rem, and the others, he realized he had no idea what Jujutsu Kaisen was. 

“Fuck...” He said out loud. 

Emilia’s excited expression turned to a frown, “Oh no—Subaru, don’t tell me-” 

The buzzer rang, “Who is Gojo.” Julius said. 

Subaru looked at Julius like he sprouted the head of Toucan Sam and started to vomit fruit loops all over the stage. 

“How…?” Subaru said. 

Julius chuckled, “Simple; I read a story by Hoshin about a brave soul who died in battle. The title of the book is also called Jujutsu Kaisen. With a little bit of deduction, I figured out the answer.” He looked at Anastasia, who had tears of joy on the rims of her eyes. Julius bowed to her. 

“Damn it.” Subaru said, “Just who the hell is this Hoshin nerd?” 

While Subaru thought of his next move, Al silently called to him.

“Bro… BRO… ” Al whispered loudly, “Pssst-” 

Even though Subaru was in earshot, Al found it necessary to call to him in a whisper, as if he was ten five feet away and unable to see him from the corner of his eye. 

Subaru turned to him, “What’s up?”

Vincent called to Al, “Aldebaran, need I remind you that it’s your turn?” 

“Time out, chief.” Al said, “Bro, let’s bruddle.” 

“Huh?” 

“Bruddle, it’s what I call a huddle. I took the words ‘bro’ and the word ‘huddle’ and combined the two. It’s what bros do when needing to discuss something in secret.” 

Subaru made the connection, “Oh, that makes sense.” 

The two ‘bruddled’ closely together with their backs facing the crowd. Members of their camps wonder what the two amigos were talking about. Vincent, meanwhile, grew more annoyed by the two. 

“So what’s up?” Subaru whispered.

“Pal, isn’t it strange how neither of us know these questions?” Al whispered back.

“What do you mean? I got an answer right.” 

“Yeah, but remember the other two? You had no idea what Vincent was even asking. And then there’s my question—Miura sensei dying in 2021? Bro, isn’t that strange?” 

“Well, yeah. I mean, 54 years old is pretty young. I can only hope he was able to finish Berserk before he died.” 

Al shook his head, “Bro, I’m not talking about the tragedy of Miura sensei dying; I’m talking about 2021. Dude, that would mean Hoshin was sent further in the past than us.” 

Subaru thumbed his chin, “Yeah, that is crazy. So what do we do about it?”  

“I don’t know, I just wanted to mention that.” 

“So you don’t have a plan?” 

“No.”

“Well, in that case. I was thinkin',’ maybe if we choose-” 

At his breaking point, Vincent called out to Subaru and Al, “How long will this ‘bruddle’ last?” 

Both broke from their bruddle and returned to their podiums. 

“Sorry Pal. I had to speak with my bro about something.” 

Vincent rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Whatever. Look, I have something important to attend to, so the next question is the last, so make it count.” 

“Awwww,” Said the crowd collectively. 

Al shrugged his shoulders, “Whatever you say, fella, you’re the emperor.” Al studied the display, “Well, I guess I’ll go with video games for $800.” 

Suddenly, there was the strange sound of what sounded like a herd of cats hurling into orbit. The screen shook, and Al's category spun slightly before displaying the words ‘Hoshin Double.’  

Al, along with everyone, looked slightly confused and terrified. 

“It would seem you chose a Hoshin double question.” 

Al, Subaru, and Julius looked at one another, unsure what a ‘Hoshin double’ was. Cecilus swayed back and forth with his hands behind his head and without a care in the world. 

“A what…?” Subaru asked.

“A Hoshin Double is worth double the points, and after I ask the question, I will give you each a moment to write down your answers and wager as many points as you want. If you do not have any points, the maximum you can wager is $1000 points. If you correct the question, you will receive double the points you wagered and the points the question is worth.” 

“Okay, I understand. And I believe this to be a fitting end to the match.” Julius remarked, looking at his fellow contestants. 

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Subaru said. 

“No qualms here,” Agreed Al with both of them. 

“Alright. Here’s the question,” Vincent said, pulling out a sheet of paper from the stack. Neo Exdeath is the final boss in this video game.” 

The sort of music that plays when someone is thinking really hard about something jiggled from overhead somewhere: “You will have one minute to give me your answers starting now.” 

The lights dimmed, and the four began to scribble on their podiums. Emilia, Anastasia, and Priscilla sat on the edge of their seats. Based on their answers, each believed their knight had a chance to win. 

“I believe in you, Subaru,” Emilia said, clasping her hands in preyer.  

“Rem does, too. Show them how awesome you are, Subaru-kun!” 

Anastasia sat with her arms in front of her face like Gendo Ikari, staring at Julius while he scribbled. “C’mon, Juli. Don’t let Mama Bear down.” 

Priscilla fanned herself, “Show them what you’re made of, Al.” She said in a low whisper. 

“Time’s up,” Vincent said. “Alright, Subaru, we will start with you.” 

Subaru’s answer appeared in front of the podium. “You said: What is Chrono Trigger? And you wagered $1000 points.” 

A buzzer sounded, “I’m sorry. But you’re incorrect.” 

Subaru collapsed on top of the podium and buried his head in defeat. “Aww, man, I totally thought that was the last boss’ name in that game.” 

Al snorted at him, “Bro, Lavos is the final boss in Chrono Trigger.” 

“Oh yeah…you’re right!” Subaru said with recollection. 

He looked at Emilia and the other camp members, “Sorry, guys,” he said. 

Emilia sighed and then smiled, “It’s alright, you’re still my dunderhead.” 

Subaru blushed, scratched his nose, and started giggling like Goofy. 

Ignoring Subaru, Vincent looked at Al. “Okay, Al. Let’s see your answer.” 

Al’s podium display changed, revealing his answer, “You said Final Fantasy V?”  

“Oh, that’s the Roman numeral for five. It’s from Pal and mine’s country.” 

Vincent looked to Crusch and Reinhard—the two defacto characters used to tell if someone was bullshitting them.

“Al is correct,” Reinhard said.

“And I agree with the sword saint’s judgment.” Concurred Crusch. 

“Very well. And you wagered $1000 points.” 

A bell chimed, “Congratulations, Al. You are correct.” 

“Of course I am,” Al said. 

He glanced at Priscilla, who rocked back and forth, fanning herself. Judging by her flushed expression, Al could tell she was pleased with him. 

“Alright, Julius, let’s see your answer.” 

Julius bowed and looked toward Anastasia, who leaned forward in her seat.

Julius’ answer was displayed, “You answered, What is Final Fantasy VI?” 

After knowing the correct answer, Anastasia’s head dipped toward the ground, “I can’t believe it…” She said regrettably. 

“I’m very sorry, Anastasia-sama.” He looked at Vincent. “I wagered everything; no need to continue with me.”

Vincent nodded, “Very well. Moving on to Cecilus.” 

“Huh, you say something?” Cecilus asked. 

Vincent was beyond exacerbated with Cecilus, “Yes. You’re answer.” 

“Oh, yeah. I wrote something down, alright.”

Cecilus’ answer appeared, “V” was what he wrote.

Vincent stared, not in annoyance but with slight surprise.”Surprisingly, V is the correct number for the video game in question, so let’s see how much you wagered?” 

The crowd grew silent, and Cecilus's fellow contestants leaned forward to see how much he wagered. If the amount were similar to Al’s, the game would end in a tie, something none wished to see happen. 

The screen changed, and the amount Cecilus wagered was displayed below his answer.

“SucK it, Vincent….” Vincent said. 

Cecilus started to laugh loudly. “Oh, man! You should see your face, Vincent! I totally got ya!” 

Several in the crowd, along with Al and Subaru, began to laugh. Even Julius chuckled to himself. 

Vincent threw up his papers. “You know what? Al wins. Thank you, Cecilus, for ruining Star Wars Day.” 

“Happy to help, chief!” Cecilus said, making his hands look like the Vulcan sign for ‘Live Long and Prosper.’

Exhausted with the fiasco, Vincent and his entourage departed from the stage.

Subaru stepped toward Al, “Well, Bro, congratulations.” 

Al put his arm around Subaru, “Thanks bro! Though if I’m being honest, I got lucky in the end!” 

“Heh, either way. This victory is yours!”

Tanza and Beatrice came from backstage, and members of the contestant's camps approached. 

“Excellent work Al! I had complete faith in you defending my honor.” Priscilla said. She turned to Emilia and Anastasia. “And let my victory be a lesson to you two; that world will always turn in Priscilla Barrielle’s favor!” 

“Yeah, yeah…” Anastasia said. “It’s not like I wanted that stupid book or anything!” She crossed her arms and started to cutely purse her lips and pout. She also stomped her foot a couple of times. 

“It would appear you are lying, Anastasia,” Crusch added, rubbing salt in her open wounds.

“Heh, even I can tell that!” Felt added.

“Oh, stuff a sock in it, Crusch! I bet yer soooo fun at parties!” 

“Crusch-sama is super fun at parties! Ferris has plenty of stories where Crusch got drunk-” 

Crusch coughed in her hand, “Th-That will be all Felix.” 

Anastasia rolled her eyes at Crusch. She turned to Priscilla, and lowered her head, “It would seem we lost. Congrats on winning, Priscilla.” 

Julius bowed to the proud Vollachian noble, “It was an honor to compete alongside your knight, Priscilla-sama. Thank you for everything.” 

Priscilla hid her approval behind her fan and extended her arm, saying, “I have decided to show my gratitude for your hard work and bravery in this competition, sir Julius Jukulius!” 

Julius looked at Priscilla and Anastasia, who stared at Priscilla with a raised eyebrow.

Priscilla produced a book from somewhere on her body. “Is that…?” Anastasia asked for clarification.

“Yes. This is the long-lost tome written by Hoshin. I swiped it from my nerdy brother’s bedroom.” She handed it to Anastasia.

The merchant queen took the book and looked at Priscilla confusedly, “Seriously? I can have it?” 

Priscilla only curtsied to Anastasia, who hugged the book adoringly, “My precious…” She said with greed.

Smiling at the exchange between the two rival candidates, Subaru turned to Emilia, “Well, Emilia-tan. I couldn’t claim this victory for you, but that doesn’t mean I’ll let you down when it comes to helping you win the royal selection!” 

Emilia crossed her arms, “Well, it’s okay, I’m not mad or anything.” Emilia pouted similarly to Anastasia. 

Crusch might have said Emilia was lying but didn’t want to be called out again. Standing next to Felt, Reinhard overheard her but dared not mention the lie. 

Subaru knew she was annoyed but still found her child’s tantrum cute. “Well, how about I make it up to you with something sweet to eat?” 

Emilia looked at Subaru momentarily, and her expression turned to smile, “Okay! All is forgiven!” 

She poked his chest, “But don’t think you’ve escaped punishment for this bucko!” 

Subaru chuckled nervously and looked at the other camps, “I-It’s not what you think! I swear!” 

“Strangely, he is telling the truth?” Crusch mentioned, a slight grin on her face. 

Subaru rolled his eyes. “Well, in any case, let’s get out of here.” He turned to Emilia, Rem, Tanza, and Beatrice. “I hear there will be a parade to end Star Wars Day. Are you four interested in heckling Vincent?” 

“Heck yeah!” Emilia said.

“Rem looks forward to heckling with Subaru-kun.” 

“Betty has already prepared for this event, in fact.” 

“I will attend, but it would be unwise for me to heckle the current Emperor.” 

Subaru leaned down to pat her head, “Aw, I’m sure Yorna-sama will get you out of trouble for booing Vincent.” 

“Well, if Swartz-sama insists, I will also partake in the heckling.” 

Subaru smiled and turned to Al, “You comin’ bro?” 

Al looked once at Priscilla, who smiled and nodded. He turned back to Subaru, “You know it, bro,” 

The two performed their secret handshake, and together with members of the other camps, they all left to heckle Vincent in the first annual Star Wars parade.