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Jax hated moments like these.
He had just laid down for a rest. Despite none of them needing to sleep, it felt nice. He liked that his bed was away from the others. Giving him time to try and pass the day away. Right now though, he was having a nightmare. At least the version Caine said was a nightmare.
He had gotten sick of them long ago. They terrified him. He always woke up in fear. Phantom touch and eyes staring at him lingering for hours on end. The only time he told the others about these nightmares, they laughed. Finding it hilarious that he was so scared of things so normal. He didn’t bother afterward. Sticking to himself and the phantom fears.
Zooble was a unique case in that they didn’t care about his nightmares but they worried about him. At least from what he could tell. She never laughed at what he said while also not seeming interested. It was better than being laughed at. And they listened to him. Not saying anything but listening. He appreciated it.
Now he was just waiting for something to happen. The nightmares were usually the same as always. Something or someone hurting him. Staring into his soul as he silently wished for it to end. To wake up and be in a bad mood. Possibly even talk to Zooble.
During these “nightmares”, he tried to think of something not related to his trauma. It never worked but he tried. Usually, it was just things like him planning a new prank to play on someone. Maybe even a new nickname or two.
Eventually, he heard a loud clatter of something approaching him. The dark void became lighter as It approached him. Letting out a sigh, he turned to face It. A mass of nothing but also everything. Feeding on his trauma and fears. He hated It.
“Alright,” he said as It stalked towards. “Just get this over with. I sorta have something important planned. You’re just-“
He was cut off by It slamming into him. Towering over his form. It’s thousands of eyes staring at him. Ghostly hands grabbed at his fur. Closing his eyes, he tensed up. Waiting for the voice telling him that he was unlovable. It trying to find any reason why he should be loved. It’s evil hands clawing at him. Showing him that a caring touch wasn’t possible.
“Unlovable,” the voice hissed. “Desperate. Disgusting.”
One of its hands ran down his chest. He flinched as It clawed at his surgical scars. Everyone he loved always left due to those. Even if they made him more comfortable and happy, people didn’t like them. Leaving the minute they saw them. It hurt.
He felt the mass get closer to him. The darkness danced across his body as it watched him. The eyes burned into his skin. As it got even closer, everything suddenly stopped. The harsh and uncaring touch turned into a soft and worried one. Wait…
Startling awake, he felt a gentle hand shaking him. It didn’t feel like it belonged to anyone he knew. The shaking didn’t stop though. Letting out a frustrated sigh, he sat up. Waving away whoever it was.
“Look, I don’t care who is here but stop….” he was saying before trailing off. Noticing who woke him up. “Pomni?”
“Oh thank god,” she said as she pulled away from him. “I heard you scream. Not in your normal trying to scare someone scream but like you were being hurt. I had to make sure you were okay.”
Despite it being very hard to see anything in the room, Pomni was sitting on his bed. Messing with her hands.
“How did you get into my room?”
“You uh left your door unlocked.”
Good going, Jax. Sighing, he adjusted himself so he could be sitting next to Pomni. Looking over at her, he noticed that she wasn’t looking at him. Waiting for him to speak. The pounding in his chest that he hadn’t noticed before was getting louder. He needed to be alone. Massaging his forehead, he spoke.
“Cool. Now get out.”
“…what?”
He did not want to repeat himself. Trying to calm his nerves as he felt panic overcome him. Finally, it decided to rear its ugly head. At an absolutely perfect time. He totally didn’t want anyone to see him like this. Taking in a sharp breath, he got off his bed. Grabbing Pomni and leading her towards the door.
“Out.”
“Wait, Jax-“
He shoved her towards the door. His hands were shaking.
“Leave. I can handle myself.”
“Jax, you-“
In response, Jax folded back his ears. Doing an air bite at Pomni to show he wasn’t messing around.
“I said I’m fine, Pomni!”
She didn’t flinch.
“You’re not fine, Jax! I’m not going to leave you to, I don’t know, abstract or something!”
He backed away from her as she said she wasn’t going to leave him. He didn’t know why that struck so close to home. He didn’t care about what the others thought. Especially someone who he didn’t know that well.
The two stood in silence. Jax and Pomni were breathing heavily as they stared at each other. Both were tired from the yelling. Jax was also tired from the panic that kept eating at him.
“…Fine. Whatever.”
Throwing his hands up into the air, he walked back over to his bed. Collapsing onto it. Hiding his face from Pomni’s view. His ears were still pinned against his head.
She hadn’t been expecting this reaction from him. She was expecting him to force her out of the room. Leaving her to find a way back in to make sure he was okay. Instead, he gave up. Letting her stay.
“Jax…”
He didn’t respond. Just laying face down on his pillows. Looking around his room, she noticed a few things that she hadn’t seen before. Of course, there was the stuff she expected but some of it wasn’t. One of the big things was the Christmas lights strung up around his room. Blinking faintly. Lighting up the room just enough that a normal light wasn’t needed.
Some of the smaller stuff was claw marks in the wallpaper or the occasional item thrown on the ground. In one corner was a small first aid kit that was open. Spilling out of it were bandage wraps and gauze. A pair of nail clippers sat by it. All hastily thrown behind a pillow that didn’t hide it very well. On his dresser was an antique record player. Despite it looking almost exactly like a traveling case, she could tell it wasn’t by the barely visible speakers built into it. That would explain the music she occasionally heard from his room.
Taking a breath in, she approached his bed again. He didn’t even acknowledge her presence. Even as she sat down on it.
“Do you…want to talk about your nightmare? It’s okay if you don’t but…I thought I’d ask.”
She expected him to not say anything until he moved to face her. Despite the light being low enough that she couldn’t get a good look at him, she swore she saw tears staining his fur.
“F@$k no.”
His fur was standing up as he glared at her. His ears were still pinned against his head.
“Do you want me to…do anything?”
He continued to stare at her before sighing. Turning away and making a gesture towards a general direction.
“There is a record in that record player already. Just turn it on or not. I don’t care.”
He then laid his arm down. Not turning around to face her. Silently, she stood up and walked over to the record player. Just like he said, it already had a record in it. Turning it on with a click, she carefully moved the needle to the top of the record. Gently placed it down as the record player crackled with life. She waited for a second. Hearing it crackle before it started to play music.
Smiling at her ability to successfully play whatever was on the record, she went to sit down with Jax when the song caught her ear. The soft guitar mixed with the familiar lyrics made her stop for a second. Focusing her attention on it, she realized who was singing and what song it was.
“I didn't take you for an Elvis guy.”
Jax sighed in response.
“It’s something Caine gave me. Saying that I needed to broaden my music tastes or something.”
She listened to the song for a little while longer before approaching Jax’s bed again. Sitting down on the bed as the song continued.
“Well, he has good taste.”
The rabbit chuckled in response. Rolling over to face her again. He seemed more relaxed. His ears were slightly raised showing that he wasn’t as stressed.
“It’s not awful. I’d rather listen to the screaming of souls of the d@^ed but this is good enough.”
Pomni couldn't help but let out a small laugh at his comment. Sure he was being an ass right now but at least he felt better. The music continued to play as the two sat in silence. Jax lay on top of his bedsheets as Pomni sat next to him. Listening to the lyrics of the song. She didn’t take him as the type to willingly listen to love songs.
Jax watched as she listened to the song. He would never admit it but this Elvis guy always helped him relax. The way his music just touched him. As he watched her, a part of him wanted to say something. To thank her for staying. For unintentionally making him feel safe. He didn’t want to seem desperate or whatever though. Sighing, he sat up and scooted over to Pomni’s side. Deciding that it would be better to say something than nothing.
“Hey,” he began. “I just…want to thank you for not leaving. Not like I care or anything. It just…feels like someone finally cares about me.”
He laughed. Slightly expecting Pomni to also laugh and leave. At least he’d have a thought in his mind that someone cared. She didn’t though. Staring at him in horror.
“What?”
He shrugged.
“No one really gives a s^*t about me. I’ve gotten used to it so you’re a nice change of pace.”
He nudged her shoulder with a smirk. He could handle anything the others said. If he ever got out of this hell, he’d never see them again. Why waste time worrying about what was said? Pomni was silent though. Staring at him before looking away and speaking.
“Why?”
“Huh?”
“Why don’t they care for you? We’re all trapped here together. You would think checking on each other would lessen the chances of being…abstracted.”
She trailed off at the last word she said. Messing with her hands. Jax was silent. Thinking about the words she had said. He hadn’t thought about it like that.
“Eh, it’s okay. I’ve got my music, my room…”
For some reason, he wanted to add “you”. Pomni. The newest member of the circus. Someone who was a lot of fun to bother and mess with. Despite him being an absolute asshole, she wanted to make sure he was okay. He was touched by that. She couldn’t know. He had to make himself walls so he couldn’t get attached. Sighing, he looked away from the jester. To his surprise, Pomni placed a hand onto his own.
“…I’m here for you also.”
He couldn’t help but smile at her. Mischievously grabbing her and giving her a noogie on top of her head. She let out a yelp. Struggling slightly against his grip. Letting her go, he let out a snort as she adjusted her hat. Glaring at him.
“I appreciate the thought, short stack. Just don’t think I’ll willingly let you help.”
Instead of saying anything, she tackled him. Jax let out his own yelp as he fell backward onto his bed. Pomni trying to return the noogie he gave her. It felt like a lizard scrambling around. Trying to get somewhere while a cat chased it. Laughing, Jax tried to stop her from her attempts.
Eventually, Pomni settled on giving him a hard smack on his arms. Deciding that it was better than nothing. Sitting on top of Jax as he moved his arms away from his face. Chuckling as she glared at him. Looking into her eyes, he let out a comfortable sigh. This felt nice. Just being able to joke around with someone.
“You’re cute,” he chuckled. “Almost makes me want to be nicer to you.”
He rested his head in one of his hands. Giving Pomni a mischievous smile. At least until he realized what position they were both in. Dropping his smile and raising his ears, he felt a blush come to his face. Goddamnit. He couldn’t let her see him like this.
As he moved slightly, Pomni finally realized what position they were in. Not even hiding her blush as she froze. Unsure of what to do.
“Uhhhhhhh,” she held her hands away from him. Still frozen. “I…I should probably-“
She was immediately cut off by Jax grabbing her and rolling over. Letting out a short yelp as she was moved. As fast as it all started, Pomni found the world standing still again. Facing a wall as the rabbit held her close. It was like he was holding her like a plush. Hearing the beating of his heart.
“You said you weren’t going to leave me,” Jax told her in a joking manner as he rested his head on top of hers. “Looks like you’re stuck.”
This whole thing was a lot for Pomni to register. From Jax’s surprisingly gentle touch to the fact that he was cuddling her, she didn’t even know what to think. His heartbeat was a bit faster than what she expected also. Not like she thought about being held by him from time to time. Definitely not. She was almost completely frozen in his grip. Trying to decide what to do.
As Jax laid his head on hers, he was trying to act like nothing was out of the ordinary. This was just something friends did right? Cuddling and calling the other cute? He sighed as closed his eyes. Trying to not focus on these feelings. God, he should have chased her out so he wouldn’t think about this.
The two didn’t do anything else though. Just laying there and trying to process what was going on. Eventually, the silence was broken up by a noise that sounded almost like honking. This broke Pomni out of her frozen state. Trying to figure out exactly what was happening. She then realized that it was Jax making the noise.
“Are you…” she began as she listened. “Honking?”
As if it had never happened, the sound went away. Once Jax realized what he was doing, he opened his eyes in embarrassment. Forcing out a fake cough to try and cover what happened. Damn his rabbit behavior and giving away the fact he was happy.
“No…” he responded. “You’re just hearing things.”
Pomni let out a small laugh at his hesitation. Cuddling up closer to his chest. Deciding that this wasn’t too bad. Jax on the other hand, froze up as he felt Pomni get closer.
“Don’t get attached!” his mind screamed at him. “You’re going to hurt her. She’ll leave you. Don’t be stupid.”
Letting out a shaky sigh, he hugged the jester closer. Slightly burying his head into her hat more. He didn’t want to believe those words. He’d make sure to do his best. Pomni took notice of his sudden behavior change though. Pulling his arms closer and resting her face against his fur.
“I don’t know why I’m saying this…” she said tiredly. Like she was going to fall asleep. “You’re a complete jerk and you annoy me a lot but-but I just…can’t help but fall in love with you.”
That one word. Love. It shook Jax to his core. Why him? He couldn’t find anything to say. At least until Pomni ran a hand against his arm. Feeling his fur between her fingers. He…he could get used to this. To moments like these. Holding her close and not saying a thing. He could put down some walls for her. Letting her into his heart.
“I…” he hesitated. Trying to decide if certain words were right. “I love you too.”
Those words felt right. Even as he feared the worst. Even as they left his mouth. The point of no return. He couldn’t take those words back. He didn’t want to. They were for her. Words that could eat him alive. Words he willingly told her. Words that could end or start it all.
“I’m…glad you feel the same way,” Pomni told him. “I…always felt like I couldn’t say those words. From what I remember no one seemed interested in me. Just ignoring me for the hotter women. I thought I was…unlovable.”
“You and me both.” Jax thought as she spoke. He didn’t say anything though. It was a bit too early for him to completely let down his walls. Especially to joke about it now. Instead, he hummed as he hugged her.
“How do you feel now?”
She smiled.
“Loved. Even if you’re a complete jerk. I know you’d take any chance to embarrass me.”
He let out a laugh.
“You aren’t wrong. I’ll be nicer about it though. Just for you, cutie patootie.”
“Don’t call me that.”
Jax could hear the humor in her voice though. Even if she didn’t like the name. He chuckled.
“Fineeee. Just go to sleep, cotton candy.”
He then placed a gloved hand over Pomni’s face. In response, she said “HEY!” as he shifted around a bit to get more comfortable. Choosing to rest his head against his pillow. As Pomni removed his hand from her face, she rolled around to face Jax. Surprising him as she did so.
“Whatever, jackrabbit,” she said with a small yawn. “Don’t complain when I start calling you toots.”
He laughed at the nickname before placing a kiss on her forehead. This was very nice. Just joking around with someone he loved.
“Then I get to use whatever nickname I want in return, hmm?”
She blushed hard at the kiss. She pushed him away slightly as she buried herself into his chest.
“S-Shut up.”
He smiled at her reaction before kissing her on the top of her head. Feeling her relax against his body. Snuggling up to his fur.
“Cuddly aren’t we?” He teased but got no response from her.
Glancing down, he saw that she had completely gone to sleep. Breathing softly as she held onto him. This was very different but nice. Sighing, he closed his eyes and hugged her closer. The record player sang some lyrics as he felt himself drift off.
“But I can’t help falling in love with you.”
Well said Elvis. Well said.