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Having two other people who are the same age as you and are not single in your friend group is not so great sometimes.
“Jeonghan is such an asshole but I love him too much” Seokmin clicked his tongue as he poured himself another glass of vodka. “He got spanked by his mom for asking to give me a raise and when I asked him why he did that, he told me he wants me to take him on a date”
“It’s sad that Jeonghan’s Chinese restaurant doesn’t have an HR department” Mingyu who was still side-eyeing Seokmin inputted.
“Ah, how cute” Soonyoung, who was definitely not a ‘97 liner but still goes everywhere his friends go cooed at a pigeon that sat on the railing next to them. Minghao hates rooftop restaurants for this sole reason.
“Take a picture with it, hyung” Minghao encouraged him, Why would he not?
Soonyoung moved out of his chair very carefully to get close to the pigeon but in no time a waiter shooed it off, making Soonyoung whine at the waiter.
“Sorry, he’s a little weird” Mingyu, definitely getting the aunt bird of the friend group syndrome from Jihoon pulled Soonyoung back to the table as he apologized to the waiter.
Once they were all settled back, Soonyoung was not whining but instead wine-ing, which is not a good sign either, considering his alcohol tolerance. “Yah” Soonyoung then called out to Minghao, surprising everyone at the table.
“Do you think I’m too much, huh?”
“Where is this coming from?” Minghao did not understand the context, it’s not like he ever did.
“You never react to anything I do, you’re too conserved and you see someone doing something that you would never do and start mocking them. Like, grow up kid. Do not project your internalized shame onto me” he took another glass which Seokmin poured for himself.
“Are you sure your bonding time with Wonwoo which is scrolling through Pinterest a really good idea?” Mingyu tried to joke, keyword: tried.
“Wow, you’re joining him aren’t you?” Soonyoung now laughed a little dramatically, “Of course you are. Just because I’m the clown friend doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings that you guys don’t hurt. You all are so embarrassed of me being with you, thinking I’m dumb and stuff but you’d never think that you’re all so unoriginal and conventional.”
“Soonyoung hyung, you know that’s not how it is” Seokmin tried to calm him down, once again, keyword: tried.
“I do not want either of you to speak. Myungho!” Soonyoung snapped his fingers at him.
“What?”
“Tell me what’s your problem with me. I need a very detailed explanation with examples and points of view.”
“And why? Did anyone tell you specifically that I’m so embarrassed because of you?” Minghao yelled a little, knowing Soonyoung couldn’t answer that because he knew it was probably Soonyoung being in his impromptu mode, a guy who thinks there’s always a camera recording him and that he’s always performing to some imaginary audience, which is only worse when he’s drunk. And if Minghao has learned anything from being friends with him in the past year or so, it’s never to take anything Soonyoung says seriously when he’s drunk.
“Yah” Soonyoung stood up from his chair, Mingyu’s hand spontaneously holding him down. “Well, I see you and your looks! Tell me what’s your problem”
Now this was getting serious. Minghao leaned forward at the table because if Soonyoung was going to be dramatic, he could be a little dramatic too. “I have a problem with you being such a performer, always performing, it’s so annoying-”
“Hao!” Mingyu yelled, Now it was starting to look a lot like a soap opera and Minghao was kind of starting to regret it.
“Huh?” Soonyoung folded his hands, his stance screamed ‘annoying brat’ in Seungcheol’s language. “I’m being a performer? Sorry, and it’s ‘annoying’ ?” Soonyoung air-quoted.
“To a kind of tolerable level though. I was just joking.” Minghao looked around, the three people he was dining with were definitely giving him looks he didn’t ask for.
“I don’t care if I fit in your tolerable scale or not, but you can’t just say that and not explain it” Soonyoung looked offended, and Minghao forgot when and where the joke ended.
“Hyung” Minghao tried to coax himself out of this situation by trying to give something that isn’t completely logical but it’s borderline so his friends wouldn’t really get it. “I’m not embarrassed because of you, just leave this thing and-”
“No, I’m not going to” Soonyoung leaned forward since they were sitting across from each other. "You tell me right now!"
"Okay tell you what!?" Minghao scoffed, it was a little annoying and it was fine if he raised his voice a little because they were going to forget about it in the morning anyway. "You're always there exaggerating stuff, blowing things out of proportion for no reason except for some dramatics. Here, our Seokmin, he's literally a theatre kid who doesn't behave like you do! You're too much, what is not obvious?"
Soonyoung grinned, that grin with a hint of scoff that he thinks makes him look like a tiger and sexy. "Then why did you choose to be friends with me, Myungho-ya? If I'm too much for you and if it bothers you this much? huh? why?"
"Because I also like you" Minghao muttered silently, Seokmin and Mingyu were still silently observing the conversation because that's the best thing to do. "I like you more than I get bothered by it. The days when you're just chill and leaning on our shoulders laughing at things the others do and you don't try to put yourself out there or do anything that involves people ogling at you. I like you like that"
"You like me all confined in your space, just looking at you and laughing and spending time with you? Having me all for yourself is when you like me?" Soonyoung sighed, "I should've known. The last time I spent the night with you-"
"We don't talk about that, hyung" Minghao shut him up because he knows where he was going with this, and Minghao's going to get exposed for being a hopeless romantic and emotional in a fucking one-night stand. "No, please."
"What happened?" Mingyu interjected because he was quick to realize it had something to do with Minghao and his stupid loneliness. Despite multiple deep conversations and cans of beer, Mingyu still can't stop thinking it's because the relationship he had with Minghao is the reason for Minghao being like this, which had to come to an end abruptly because Mingyu did not want to be a serious relationship. Sure, Minghao detested him initially, but they grew up and found each other as close as two papers stapled together. They do feel the pain when someone snatches the papers a little too hard, but the single staple is strong and long-lasting.
Minghao held his head, this was going nowhere and Soonyoung still did not look like he was going to back off.
"Myungho here said the three words to me the last time I slept with him" Soonyoung announced. Great.
"Wow" Seokmin said, Minghao really felt sorry for Seokmin because he was pulled into this very obnoxious setting without his consent.
"What's so wrong with that? I say that to Seokmin all the time! Hell, I even say it to Seungcheol who always steals ramen from my home. Why is that explaining how Myungho is behaving today?" Mingyu defended him, again, a wrong move.
"Him saying I love you is different because it's him! It's Seo Myungho who said I love you which is a big deal. That's like Seokmin not yelling at all for a whole day" Soonyoung then laughed maniacally, like he always does when he blames Mingyu when they're playing Mafia.
Everyone remained silent, Minghao coughed before saying, "Whatever this is, it's a drunk conversation, we'll all forget about this"
"I'm definitely not drunk, and I won't forget about it" Soonyoung answered. "I'll go to your home tomorrow if I have to and ask you why you're always so embarrassed by me like you don't fucking love me"
"When you frame it like that, no, I love you but that has nothing to do with me feeling embarrassed because they're like two circles, not intercepting on the Venn diagram" Minghao tried to explain, but he realized he failed, not because he chose to talk about Venn diagrams but because he said him feeling embarrassed is a circle.
"So you do feel embarrassed and whatever that happens in the embarrassed circle doesn't involve you loving me, which is so funny because I only know people who say I love you when they love the person for almost everything"
"If anyone here is drunk, it's definitely Minghao because he's talking about Venn Diagrams which is more wild than Wonwoo hyung talking about Botany after one glass of vodka" Seokmin laughed, desperately trying to escape the conversation he clearly didn't need to hear. "Was it Botany?" He turned to Mingyu, hoping the big guy would steer the conversation away and they could actually have fun on a Tuesday night.
"Yes, it was" Mingyu replied, pouring a glass of water for Minghao. "Drink up, let's get you home once you're done with your chicken. You're definitely done for the night"
Minghao was actually fine, but if this was the only way the conversation could end without another few more embarrassingly faulty sentences from Minghao about circles and interception, Minghao was ready to buy it. Soonyoung can stare at him all he wants, but this is all.
The next day, Soonyoung didn't show up to his apartment asking for an explanation. Instead, there were multiple texts from Mingyu that he didn't have the heart to open yet.
"Did you sleep well? Saw you looking dead when Mingyu dropped you home" Jihoon who was fixing the guitar strings at the dining table spoke without even looking at him.
"And Mingyu did not stay?" Minghao was amused, because why would Mingyu not stay?
"Nah, he had a thing with Chan this morning so he left" Jihoon explained. "Nothing sexual, it's just Chan being Chan"
"Didn't assume stuff, thanks" Minghao poured himself two glasses of water and sat down. Jihoon knew better than to steal one of the glasses for himself.
"So, he told me things were pretty bad between you and Soonyoungie?" Jihoon started, and god, Minghao was waiting for it.
"Remember I told you I told Soonyoung that I love him the last time he stayed for the night? He brought that up and said I feel embarrassed because of the things he does but I also love him and somehow it doesn't add up?" Minghao was surprised by his own memory of last night. Jihoon squinted, and Minghao knew he could trust squinting-Jihoon with anything.
"Wait, I feel embarrassed by him a lot of times too. But that doesn't mean I don't love him. What is- Oh!" Jihoon exclaimed, hands on his mouth and all that. "Oh my god!"
"Just say it"
"Hao! He loves you!"
Minghao scoffed, "No he doesn't. Stop saying optimistic shit, you're not Mingyu"
"No! See, he loves you and you love him back. So he was all heads over heels and then you felt embarrassed which didn't add up in his head" Jihoon took one of the glasses of water and took a long slurp anyway. "Because I swear to god if I go to Soonyoung and tell him he's not a tiger he's going to just brush it off and not hold my collar and ask me to explain why I'm embarrassed by him"
"But, he did scold Mingyu and Seokmin saying they also feel embarrassed even though none of us did anything" Minghao tried to reason, not because whatever Jihoon was saying didn't sound sweet to his ears but because it sounded too sweet and he had to make sure it isn't some imaginary sugar. "See now you're speechless too"
"oh c’mon! We all know how Soonyoung is, he doesn't admit his feelings easily and says nothing about it at all actually. So, it could easily be a coverup to not showing his obvious feelings towards you" Jihoon was still squinting and trying to make sense of this. But what Jihoon said just rang another bell in Minghao’s head.
"Exactly! He doesn't say his feelings at all, so it could also be him actually trying to voice out about how the friend group treats him. And even though you fake bully him sometimes, we all know I do it more than you. So-"
"So" Jihoon sighed. "Yeah, Soonyoung might not love you"
Minghao just laughed, because he knew. It's always just him being a hopeless romantic and falling for the one person who definitely isn't ready to commit. It's always Minghao’s fault.
"Hey, but we can check this out. Do something that's like fake bullying Soonyoung and if he's reacting to it strongly we'll know it's just him trying to voice out his feelings" Jihoon suggested. "We can try this at Jeonghan's birthday party this weekend, with the whole friend group being there"
"That's actually smart except for the part where Jeonghan’s party gets ruined" Minghao was finally done with one glass of water only to find the other empty because of the bulky roommate sitting in front of him who was planning something lowkey concerning. He sighed, "Just don't tell Mingyu about- you know the thing-"
"You feeling the rejection before even Soonyoung clarified anything? Yeah, I got you. Last time was a mistake and it won't happen again." Jihoon smiled, sometimes Minghao thought he should just give Jihoon a soul-crushing hug even if that triggered all of Jihoon’s fight or flight senses and ended up in Minghao having a bloody nose. But he doesn't do it, and that's not because he's scared of a bloody nose.
Jeonghan's birthday arrives and Minghao is usually getting calls back to back from Seokmin asking which one of his obviously sexy outfits is better. Once Minghao crosses that barrier, there comes Jihoon, appears in his room all dressed and sits him down on his bed.
"So, about Soonyoung-"
"Maybe we don't do anything, because I've moved on" Minghao tried to shut him up.
"Liar, I saw you staring at the tiger mascot on our cereal box and smiling at it"
"What the fuck-"
"Okay listen" Jihoon shushed him. "I'll just start talking about the 97' liners and night and what happened and it'll be alright, okay?"
"You know you don't have to"
"I have to because I care about you and Soonyoung" Jihoon smiled, to Minghao’s eyes it looked a little pitiful.
"Okay whatever" Minghao sighed, "thanks"
Jihoon just smiled back.
Jeonghan's birthday party was organized by Mingyu. Just like every other birthday party of theirs. Except, Jeonghan was grossly kissing Seokmin for everyone to see before cutting the cake as Seungcheol yelled "Get a room" which made Wonwoo whisper something in his ears. Minghao always loved watching his friends make themselves absolute goofballs in public, yes it’s a public party area in a restaurant because everyone had work tomorrow and no one would just offer the apartment they’re staying in for rent that easily for a birthday party.
“Jeonghan hyung, how much of the friend group lore do you know?” Soonyoung started the conversation, all excited and screaming.
“Quite a good amount and it’s not a lot surprising as I’m well used to friend group lores, Soonyoungie. Me and Wonu had been in like three or four friend groups and always ended up losing the group together” Jeonghan smiled, and Wonwoo added a yes and laughed.
“Well let’s hope that doesn’t happen” Seungcheol joked, making Wonwoo immediately shake his head. They were sickeningly in love, it was sick.
“Ooh Hyung, don’t say that. I like Jeonghan with Seokmin, they’re perfect” Soonyoung stood up with a glass in his hand, probably to make a toast.
“You’re probably the only one who saw their gross making-out session and actually liked it” Jihoon said, and Minghao knew why he said that because his ultimate mission was to rile Soonyoung up. “Voyeurism is fine, by the way. I’m not kink shaming.”
“What? It was romantic” Soonyoung frowned a little, which made Seokmin laugh and thank him sarcastically.
“I mean, let’s all agree, they have more sarcasm than romance in their relationship. Isn’t it true, Seokmin hyung?” Seungkwan came at them from nowhere, and then Minghao thought, whatever plan they were planning, they should’ve added Seungkwan in because he’s definitely one of the top 3 dramatic people in the friend group.
“Very true, we hope you find something like that too, Soonyoungie” Jeonghan tapped Soonyoung on the arm who was still excited and smiling but not screaming.
“Soonyoung hyung? Ah, never.” Mingyu said, making everyone’s head turn to him.
“What? Did I lie? Hyung isn’t into relationships, at least that’s what I thought.”
“Doesn’t mean he can’t have romance in his life. Look at him, last time he slept with whoever that woman fling was, wasn’t it too romantic, hyung?” Hansol, who literally never speaks, chose to stand up for Soonyoung and no one knew why.
“But that’s still different, it’s a fling. Our friend group has been through multiple relationship chaos and all throughout Soonyoung stood single and it’s actually very surprising” Mingyu was directly talking to Hansol who kind of gave up his argument.
“Anyways-”
“Oh but Soonyoung definitely loves people enough to get into a relationship” Jihoon smirked after interrupting Chan perfectly, “A guy told him I love you once and now he can’t say he loves him back even though he definitely loves him back.”
Mingyu nudged his shoulders, Minghao would’ve too but Jihoon was a little far from where he was sitting. This was definitely out of pocket, looks more targeting than anything. Easily might lead to a stupid argument and Minghao’s hopeless romantics would come out for everyone to see.
“Jihoon-ah, you don’t know what you’re talking about”
“Guys, don’t fight. Whatever shit you have, it’s still Jeonghan’s birthday-” Seungcheol tried, only to get interrupted by a screaming Soonyoung.
“Of course, no one cares about my feelings here!” Soonyoung stood up once again, his eyes sharper than ever as he looked into Jihoon’s eyes. “Y’all just go around talking about my love life like I’m not even here. And how come you don’t understand it’s lowkey wrong?”
“Soonyoung this is how it has always been, I’ve always joked around about your inability to commit I thought you were fine with it and it’s our little joke” Jihoon defended, and Minghao was starting to get a clearer picture of whatever Soonyoung was trying to paint. “Sure, making jokes about it feels wrong for a third person who doesn’t know shit about us. But it’s you and me, Soonyoung. We’ve all been doing this for like, years. And you tell me now that it sucks, huh?”
“But still you obviously supporting Myungho here, what about that? Why bring it to the light for everyone to see?” Soonyoung yelled back, which is a valid point as Minghao himself felt whatever Jihoon tried to do was not supposed to be done like that.
“Because, Hao fucking loves you” Jihoon yelled back, and oh my god Jihoon was yelling which is never a good sign. “Hao, speak now”
And now everyone’s eyes were on Minghao, and he was starting to regret everything. “I- I’m sorry, first of all, for feeling embarrassed by you which I understand really affects you” Minghao sighed, because sometimes things (feelings) happen and he can’t get himself over it. “The three words can just be something that you don’t have to answer, and yeah, you don’t have to feel like you should tell me something-”
“I do love you, Myungho-ya” Soonyoung confessed in the most Soonyoung way possible, in a very dramatic setting and all eyes on him as he said that. Minghao’s heartbeat quickened as Soonyoung took his time before saying the next thing. “But sometimes- wait, no, this isn’t right. Come with me?”
“Where?”
“Please go, I don’t want to see another ugly make-out session. Again, voyeurism is-” Someone physically shut Jihoon’s mouth and before Minghao could even see it, he was dragged out of the party room by Soonyoung.
Minghao is soon pushed up against a wall in the washroom by Soonyoung who looks very impatient.
“Myungho” Soonyoung sounded very dead, which was not good in any way. “I get hurt sometimes”
“Yes and I know, Soonyoungie hyung-”
“No, ssh” Soonyoung shushed him down. “Despite how much I try to act confident and tell myself you guys are in the wrong for pushing your internalized shame onto me, it doesn’t mean the hurt I feel doesn’t fuel my insecurity” Now, that’s news. Because Minghao has never heard about Soonyoung feeling insecure, ever. “I’m an insecure person, and it sucks when you’re pushing me to a corner where I’m being forced to overlook my actions and judge if they’ll ever get a judgment from you guys or not. I hate feeling that way.”
“Hyung” Minghao for the first time in a long time felt word-constipated because he couldn’t let anything out. “I never thought-” he tried, because Soonyoung’s eyes looked dead for a reason and it sucks in a way that Minghao is responsible for it. “I did not know it fuelled your insecurity, you know it’s never my intention to hurt you.”
“Then don’t do it” Soonyoung’s eyes looked deep into him, in a yearning to find some sort of self-discovery. “I’m sorry that everything you judge me for doesn’t feel like something to be judged for in my head. And it doesn’t matter, I don’t want to think about the things I do in a judgmental way.”
“No, I’m sorry” Minghao was not doing good, he might cry if this keeps going. “I’m sorry that I pushed it too far. I’m sorry for pushing my internalized shame onto you, or just my ability to overlook things. I know you don’t have to, just because I do.”
“Yes” Soonyoung smiled a little. “Thanks, Myungho-ya. I’m sorry that I had to literally push you into a corner to put this in your head.”
“I’d want nothing more” Minghao tried to smile even though it felt like the intensity of blood being pumped into his heart suddenly increased. “Hyung”
“Yes?”
“Tell me this sooner next time. You don’t always need a pigeon to come close to you or Jihoon to yell at you to yell at me”
“You like me yelling at you?” Soonyoung wiggled his eyebrows, missing Minghao’s point by a whopping 180-degree deflection.
“Oh c’mon” Minghao smiled a little when Soonyoung pulled him closer and placed a small kiss on his cheek.
“But I do love you, I know I should’ve made it clear or at least said something when you told me you love me.”
“It’s fine” Minghao sighed, “the first part of your sentence was enough and makes the situation better.”
Soonyoung giggled once again and placed another kiss on his other cheek. “Does it make it more better?”
“Kind of” Minghao smiled back, entirely with his teeth on display. “I’m more of a shy person, but I can work with this”
“I can cure your shyness, let me take you on a date.” Soonyoung declared, holding Minghao’s arm in his. “I’m tiger but I won’t bite”
“Can you also declare I’m less of an asshole to you, after realizing my mistake?”
“You’re nothing close to an asshole, I was hurt but I’m more than satisfied that you understood my point. That’s mostly what I need.” Minghao could see Soonyoung noticing how he breathed a little better at that. “Well the rest of my needs include you showing up to our date”
“I will. I will.” Minghao kissed Soonyoung back on his cheeks in such spite that he himself did not register it fully in his head.
“Yay!” Soonyoung smiled back and Minghao’s breathing was finally fine, and he could only hope he’d be fine on the date too.
“Will this restaurant make you pay a little more for defiling the washroom?” Soonyoung and Minghao appeared back in the party area, with Soonyoung’s hands around Minghao’s shoulders. Jihoon simply grinned at them.
“Oh god, no!” Mingyu whined, only for Soonyoung to make it clear that he was just joking.
“But you tiger boy, you still have some explanation to do. I’m sorry for all my jokes that were taken a little too far, but it’s not fully my fault since you never told me it hurts you and I need more explanation” Jihoon finished when Soonyoung sat next to him and gave him a hug.
“I owe an explanation to all of you, and I’m sorry I keep interrupting your party but I know it’s my fault and I’ll not repeat this and I’ll try my best to let you guys know when the jokes go a little too far. Yeah?”
“It’s okay, Soonyoungie. Just throw an apology party instead, that’d make it so much better.” Jeonghan spoke for the group, which made Soonyoung whine a little but with Seokmin in the back hyping up Jeonghan’s idea and Seungkwan saying how Soonyoung is the party king of the friend group, Minghao could only assume there’ll be an apology party.
And he hoped he’d still be holding Soonyoung’s hands like this by then.