Chapter Text

Had you told John when he was younger that he would be rooming with a Jirachi, Mew, Celebi, and Manaphy- with other myths and legends stopping by all the time- he might’ve laughed, probably would’ve called you a liar, asked how much you had had to drink that night, and called the local services.

But alas, things work out in mysterious ways. You never truly know where your life is going to go until you live it; and for John, it was a single misplaced wish that led to the life he lived now. 

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The sound of an alarm clock rang out in the dark. It rang and rang, only to be met by the absence of anyone at all. Dust floated through the air. The alarm clock rang again, only to be met by the pounding of a fist on its top. With the newfound silence came an annoyed groan: one that hailed from a man.

John Wish lay on his bed, one hand resting on his nightstand. Having been rudely awakened, he laid there for a few more moments, staring blankly up at the ceiling. 

"Welp..." John sighed. "Clock's a tickin, I guess."

I should probably get up. Work won't let me off just because I want to have a fat morning. At least tomorrow will be free.

John reluctantly got up from his bed, moving over to his bathroom, and quickly performed the basic hygiene essentials… but not before stumbling through the mess of an apartment he called home.

"Work won't let me off," said John, reaching for a pre-made piece of toast that lay on the kitchen counter, "Just because I want to have a fat morning..." He placed the toast onto a plate. "At least tomorrow will be free."

John Wish was a stable man, with a stable life and a stable income. His time, however, was anything but stable. He always took on extra hours and almost never worked from home… so his home would, at times, look almost as if it had been ransacked the previous night.

John stepped over a pile of papers- their purpose forgotten a long time ago- and entered his living room once again to check the calendar to see what he was supposed to do today. 

"Let's see… June 22nd... deliveries for the red and green districts, and a repair in the yellow district… Wait, that was yesterday… June 23rd… “Meeting with Manager.” He paused, staring at the calendar. "Well at least I’ll be back home soon… I just hope he doesn’t disapprove of my work... I’m barely making rent as it is."

John stepped over to the door, opening it, as he grabbed his coat. He turned back- for the briefest of moments- to his messy apartment. 

“Man," He shook his head. "I wish I had a roommate… maybe they could help me with rent.”

John stepped through the door, locking it shut behind him, and the apartment was empty once again... empty, except for the faintest of whispers in the wind. The faintest of whispers... whispers that grew louder and louder...

"Wish... granted..."

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Arriving back home, John was content. The meeting had gone shockingly well, and, miraculously, he had gotten a slight raise in pay... it wouldn't mean much... he could afford a bit more free time if he wanted it... but what would he do with that? 

John's mind halted, however, as he saw that the door to his apartment was ever so slightly ajar. He touched the doorknob, and the door pushed open, creaking into the emptiness of his apartment. 

"I thought I locked it… didn’t I?"

But as the door opened, John was met with true horror. His once-messy apartment... was clean?

“I was waiting for you to get back.”

The child-like voice echoed inside of John's head, but he saw no one who could even say anything in the first place… Where had that come from?

“Who are you?” 

“I'm me, silly! I was waiting for you to get back.”

John hesitantly stepped foot into his apartment as he talked. “And who are you? Last I checked, I was the only one in this house, and I left the door closed.”

“Oh, me?” A figure did a few laps around the area before stopping in front of John. “I’m Jirachi!" The little creature grinned. "...And I’ll be your roommate going forward!”

The name immediately stuck out to John. Jirachi... it was the wish-granter. A myth. And it was floating in front of him, seemingly content with living with him. Something wasn't adding up. 

“And why are you so intent on being my roommate?”

Jirachi floated up towards a very high cabinet. “Because you wished for it, you dummy. I’ve been up here the entire time..." Jirachi yawned. "...just asleep.”

Confronted with a local Mythical, who had been soundly asleep in his apartment for who knows how many years, there was only one way John was going to be able to respond to anything that was going on.

He promptly passed out.

“WHY MUST THEY ALL DO THIS-”

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And so marked the beginning of John’s tenure with the Mythicals. Over time, more would become involved, to the point where now, John would question where he would have been had he not accidentally woken Jirachi up with that wish. 

"...If only a single one of them helped pay rent."

Chapter Text

John sighed, tossing his pen onto the stack of paperwork at his foot. He leaned back, exhausted.

“This sucks. I don’t know who in management loves giving us this much work, but at least half of this could have been done by the unpaid interns.” Jirachi nodded, but John could tell the pokemon was really listening. “You know, I just wish I didn’t have to do this busywork sometimes-“ He paused, a slow dread building. “Oh no. No no wait I didn’t-“

It was too late. “Sure thing, buddy! ” Jirachi’s third eye opened- and with a blinding flash of heat and choking smoke John was thrown from his chair and onto the hard floor.

Staggering to his feet with a groan, John could only look in despair at the scorched tabletop where his very important paperwork had been sitting just moments before.

“My boss is going to kill me.”

Chapter Text

The circumstances of the incident didn’t matter, ultimately. John didn’t even want to remember the awful confluence of hubris, divine incompetence, and cotton candy that had led to their current, singed status, nor did he care. He was done with this.

“Get out of my house.”

“Hey! You can’t do that!” Jirachi pouted where he was- to his slight credit- cleaning up the sticky mess that had gotten everywhere. “I’m your roommate! You can’t just kick me out!”

John sighed in long-wearied annoyance. “You’re my roommate because you invited yourself into my house and didn’t take no for an answer. I haven’t seen a single poke of rent from you. If you paid up, then all of this-" he pulled a hand through his hair, trailing long strands of syrupy sweetness as he pulled back- “wouldn’t have happened.” There was a long minute of uncomfortable silence between them, broken only by the repetitive scrape of their cleaning tools. “This sucks. I just wish I had another roommate.”

Jirachi froze, eyes wide. John paled.

“Oh no-" 

With a bright flash of light a small, adorable, and very pink cat thing flopped into the middle of the mess. It- Mew, and John was almost too exhausted to be shocked- floated into the air, a frustrated glare firmly affixed onto the wish-granting Pokemon.

“Bloody hell, mate. Give a lad some warning before you relocate their place of residence. Oh, and the human.” The god cat turned to stare unblinkingly at him for an interminable moment before it looked away. “Nice to meet you, I suppose.”

A thin film of psychic power wrenched the entire mess from the wall. And the floor… and his hair- really, everywhere, compacting it into a small ball before Mew incinerated it to the sweet scent of burning sugar and victory. John shook off the vestiges of stunned despair for hope- that maybe having Mew around wouldn’t be too bad…

A week later, staring at the bill in his hands, he was starting to get the feeling that Jirachi wasn’t alone amongst Mythicals when it came to not understanding the concept of rent.

Chapter Text

The AC was broken, which- combined with Hoenn’s sweltering summertime heat- was the perfect recipe for abject misery. Splayed out on the plush, luckily so far undamaged couch, John internally cursed the poor look that had led the appliance to malfunction. “It’s so stuffy in here! Why can’t we open a window?”

Mew looked up from where he was working on- an impossibly complex genetic genesis beyond the ken of mortal minds or whatnot- before glancing back down.

“The landlord nailed ‘em shut mate. Gimme a half hour to finish this, and I’ll get on it.” 

“Oh. Uh, thanks, then?” There was probably something odd with having god offer to do house repairs, but he filed it away with all the other ‘living with Mythicals’ weirdness. The question had been rhetorical- John had been well aware of their landlord’s idiocy- but the mere hope proffered made the wait almost interminably worse. “It’ll be nice to have those working…”

Jirachi floated into the room, blearily holding onto his blanket as he raided the fridge for breakfast Poffins. “What’re we talking about? Sorry… ” he yawned widely, blinking with all three eyes. “Missed the start of the conversation.”

Mew didn’t even glance up from his work. “Windows, mate.”

“Oh, that’d be nice. It’s kinda hot in here, isn’t it? Having those windows open will be great! While you’re at it, can you get the one in my bedroom? With the roof access it’ll be like having a little balcony!”

And now he was thinking about balconies, and any thoughts along those lines invariably led back to the old family house. He’d loved that place, nestled out in the country…

“A balcony would be great. I’ll have to stop by your room when that’s done.” He sighed, the fleeting memories banished by the uncomfortably stifling air. “Gah. I just wish the apartment was a bit more open, you know-“

“Mate!” Mew groaned squeakily, dropping his head onto the table, and it was only then John realized what he’d done.

He chuckled nervously, backing away from where Jirachi had frozen in midair. “I didn’t mean that, right? We can just forget I ever said anything and-“

Jirachi exploded.

Well, at least when the dust settled and the wind swept through the newly blasted hole in the side of the house,  John couldn’t deny the airflow was a bit better in the end.

Chapter Text

Mew was cute. That was so far past mere opinion that it was close to being a scientific paradigm around which the research community speculated on the overall cuteness of Pokemon- which, John had found out in a series of several elucidating conversations with Celebi, was an actual science. Just- it was a fact of life, and one John knew more intimately than most.

Given the general aura of innocent cuteness around the god-kitten, it was always disconcerting for John to stumble across whatever unspeakable horror beyond the ken of mankind that had occupied Mew’s corner of the garage. Or the hall. Or- in several nausea-inducing and breakfast-reducing incidents- the kitchen table.

It was no different this time, as John stepped out of his room with a tired yawn to greet the early dawn and the coffee he desperately needed in order to catch the bus to work- and froze, appetite abandoned- as he caught sight of the irregularly pulsating mass of glistening-

Nope. He shut his eyes, biting back a wave of sudden sickness. “What in distortion is that!?”

“Good question…” The cat hummed thoughtfully, which- again, criminally cute- before a squelching sound thoroughly eliminated the rest of John’s appetite. With prejudice. “I was testing some of the Wormadam disease resistance genes in Cyclizar- bit of a spitball experiment, I know, but I figured the Bug-Grass mix would give a bit more stability than the Hydreigon sample.”

“...I understood none of that.”

John got the distinct impression that Mew was shrugging… he’d really lived with these crazy Pokemon far too long if he was starting to guess their reactions. “Eh, vivo experiments are a toss-up anyways. I’d say eyes shut, but you’ve already got that one covered.” 

There was a flash of heat and a dull thud from beyond a psychic shield, and when John tentatively cracked open his eyes, only a greasy smear and a bit of drifting soot remained where the abominable existence once… gooped. It smelled unfairly good, too, like someone had seared a juicy, delicious steak in the apartment in preparation of the type of fancy dinner he really couldn’t afford.

The mixed signals he was getting came to a diplomatic agreement, and John dry-heaved an empty stomach up onto the floor.

By the time he got home, he was still somewhat nauseous, though the lukewarm sushi corporate got for them at work probably had something to do with that. Still, he was far too exhausted to notice or… care…

“Mew. What is that in the sink?”

The cat poked at the… thing attached to the faucet. “Dunno, mate. Good question.”

Chapter Text

John was beginning to think a great many things about letting Jirachi stick around, and not all of them were positive. Among those not so friendly thoughts that lay in John’s mind was the fact that Jirachi, despite being asleep, was still somehow better than him at videogames.

“Okay, you seriously could not have predicted that! Your eyes aren’t even open!”

Despite Jirachi sitting there, completely despondent to all that was going on around him, John could see the hint of a smile growing on the Mythical’s face. He groaned, going back to the game the two were playing, only to find that Jirachi had already beaten him again. He let his head hang back on his chair, defeated, as Jirachi, without another sound, dropped the controller and flew off to the kitchen for more snacks. 

John released a sigh. “It’s at times like these where I wish I had a different roommate.” 

John’s eyes widened as he realized what he just said. He whirled around, glancing over the back of his chair to find Jirachi having stopped entirely, floating completely still in front of the wide-open fridge. Jirachi’s third eye opened, and with a waggle of his finger, a portal appeared directly above John, depositing something hard onto his head. 

John fell out of his chair, landing onto the floor. As he rubbed his head, he glanced down to find a small green Pokemon deposited at his feet. It had a bulbous head, large black eyes, small wings, and two antennae sticking out of its forehead. It too rubbed its head, cracking its eyes open as it glanced around, confused, only to land on John. It fluttered upwards, staring at the human with a look of confusion on its face, one that was shared by John himself. 

“...Human… who are you?”

John gulped. “I’m… uh… John. John Middleton.”

The mysterious Pokemon puts its hands on its hips. “John Middleton? What kind of a boring name is that?” The Pokemon smiled. “I’m Celebi by the way. You might know me by a variety of names, ranging from “The Time Traveler” to “Green Thumb” to “Voice of the Forests” to “Annoying Onion-Head,” She paused. "...though that last one is reserved for friends only.” 

“Oh, uh, well…”

Celebi peered past John, her face immediately relaxing upon seeing who was behind him. She facepalmed as she fluttered over to the wish granter, who was busy raiding the fridge for some snacks. 

“Yeah, okay, so Mr. Boring Name, why is Jirachi here?”

John shrugged. “He fell asleep in my house and decided he wanted to live here.”

Celebi released a sigh. “Sounds like something he’d do.” 

The time traveler glanced around the apartment, fluttering over to various points of interest as she continued to mutter comments under her breath. After a few minutes of John watching the whole affair- interspersed by Jirachi munching on candy bars- Celebi flew right up to John, excited.

“Okay, okay, so I know you probably don’t want another roomie, buuuuuuutttt- ”

“You want to live here too?”

“Yep!” Celebi squealed, twirling in mid-air. “It’s the kind of down to earth place that I’ve been looking for!” 

John scratched his head. “Well, you can stay, I guess, just please-”

“Yes!” Celebi spun around John excitedly. “Thank you thank you thank you thank you-”

Celebi suddenly stopped, absentmindedly staring at John. She peered into his eyes, and John felt slightly unnerved, for her eyes were quickly growing more devious by the second.

Celebi shook her head. “Yeah, no, not doing this.”

“Not doing what?”

“I’m not living with someone whose name is this generic. Gimme a second.” 

A glowing green portal appeared behind Celebi, and she flew into it. Exactly one second later, she re-emerged from it, extremely tired. She landed on John’s lap, lying there, wiping sweat off of her brow.

“What happened?”

Celebi looked at John, seemingly just realizing he was there. “Good news or bad news?” 

“Uh…" He scratched his head. "I guess good news?” 

“Good news is that you have a cooler last name now." She avoided eye contact with John. "Bad news is that I couldn’t get the first name changed and you may now be siblings with a Bombirdier.” 

“I’m what-”

Celebi got up, still somewhat weak, as she smiled. “Don’t worry about it. I’ve done what I needed to, John Wish.” 

Celebi winked, and without missing a beat, immediately flew up to a nearby shelf. She lay down on it, resting her head on a bookcase. 

“Gonna conk out a little now. Double check your birth certificate just in case I accidentally changed some things I didn’t mean to." She closed her eyes. "Night, Mr. Wish.”

Before John could respond, Celebi immediately dozed off to sleep, her snores audible throughout the apartment. He stared at the little Pokemon incredulously as Jirachi flew into the room, a box of popcorn in hand. His eyes now open, he eyed John curiously.

“Oh, hey John. Didn’t miss anything, did I?”

Chapter Text

“Alright, I’m going down to the store, you guys need anything?”

John lived a modest life, and that was a life John was perfectly alright with. Of course, having several Mythical Pokemon as his roommates meant that he needed to expand his budget slightly, but even beyond that, he needed to ensure he got food that they liked. He really didn’t want a repeat of the Mew-Ramen incident. 

“Make sure to get gummy fish!” yelled Jirachi, who was levitating in front of the open refrigerator. "Lots and lots of gummy fish!"

“Yes! Lots of gummy fish!" Mew poked his head around the corner. "But none of the weird flavored ones!”

“Oh can it Mew, it’s not my fault you hate the yellow ones!”

“The yellow ones are too sour for my taste buds, mate!”

Jirachi pouted. “You literally eat construction paper when you get “the nibbles,” I will not be hearing about your picky taste buds right now-”

John deciding that the bickering was something he didn't quite need to involve himself in, began to turn towards the door. His hand neared the door handle, but as it did, the argument went silent, and John felt a looming presence behind him. John gulped, and as he turned around, he found none other than Mew and Jirachi, staring straight into his face. Their eyes peered into his, unbending and fueled by the fires of lustful want. John nervously chuckled, but neither of the Pokemon looked amused.

“John.” Jirachi giggled. "I'm coming with you."

“And so am I!” Mew crossed his arms, pouting. “We take gummy fish very seriously in this household!” 

John snorted. “Hah, you guys wish you could come with-”

John paled, and Jirachi simply snickered.

“I do wish for that, actually!” Jirachi waggled his finger, his third eye opening. Though nothing seemed to happen, Jirachi was much more upbeat. “And now I’m coming with you, no matter what!”

“...And what’s going to happen if I make you stay behind?”

A portal opened up behind Mew and Jirachi, and from it came Celebi, who landed headfirst into the kitchen counter. She groggily got up, shaking her head, but her eyes widened in terror as the jaws of a Gyarados lunged after her. It fired a Hydro Pump, blasting a hole in the counter; Celebi angrily yelled at the Pokemon, ramming into it back as the portal snapped shut behind them. Though all three of the trio at the door were surprised, both Mew and Jirachi took a certain great pride in what had just occurred. John sighed. 

“Fine, you two can come with, but you're both repairing that when we’re back.” 

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“Your total order comes out to around twenty-thousand Poke, sir.”

“Seriously, twenty thousand Poke?” Mew pouted. “This isn’t even the good stuff!”

John was internally regretting all of his life decisions. He had gotten the basic groceries, but those groceries seemed to be slowly and consistently growing exponentially. Before John knew it, he had piles and piles of gummy fish labelled, in pen, either “For Mew” or “For Jirachi.” Of course, this counted as "damaging the goods," so whether he wanted to or not, John found himself obligated to pay for all of it anyways. 

John handed his cash, somewhat reluctantly, to the lady manning the till, as Jirachi and Mew engaged in a mock slap fight in the hood of his sweatshirt. The lady chuckled at the two Pokemon’s antics as she put the money into the register.

“Are those two your Pokemon? I can’t say I’ve ever seen them before," Mew bit one of Jirachi's tags, causing the other Mythical to get a good hit in on Mew's face. "...but they must be a handful.”

John sighed. “Trust me, you have no idea.”

The lady chuckled. “Man, I wish I had Pokemon who were as fun as that.”

John paled in horror. Slowly, he creaked his head around to find Jirachi, third eye open and waiting, staring at the lady with a look of pure and utter neutrality on his face. Mew’s eyes looked like those of someone who had seen the face of death. 

“You..." Jirachi smiled. "...wish ?” 

“Jirachi, please, for the love of all that is holy-”

Jirachi waggled his finger, and without any warning, a large mass of bodies tumbled out of a portal and directly onto the poor lady manning the cash register. The first of these forms immediately leapt onto the counter. It resembled a massive Jigglypuff, and it glanced around with terror in its eyes. The next shape emerged moments later, resembling a deformed Amoonguss. John could barely make out the face behind its leafy overhang as the third presence made itself known. The Salamence-shaped Pokemon roared angrily, and its screams rung in John's ears.

“Jirachi…" John stared on in horror. "...what are those?”

Jirachi shook his head. “I genuinely have no idea. Mew?”

Jirachi turned his head, only to find that Mew had already left the "safety" of John’s hoodie. The pair of them frantically looked around, only to find Mew running out of the door of the shop, a bag of gummy fish hastily held in his grip. John looked back to Jirachi, who simply shrugged.

“You already paid for your food, right?” 

John raised an eyebrow. “...Yeah, what about-”

The Not-Salamence roared at them once more, and Jirachi began to urgently tug on John’s neck.

“...Then I think we should leave before we reach our expiry date!”

The Not-Salamence began to charge a powerful glowing glob of energy in its maw, and John took that as a sign to immediately leave. By the time he snatched his purchases and began to run, a Flamethrower scorched the floor where he had been standing. 

“How are we going to deal with this!?”

Jirachi shrugged. “Simple, we don’t.”

John squinted his eyes incredulously. “What!?”

“It’ll sort itself out, trust me.”

John rolled his eyes. “Yeah, you wish.”

“I do wish for that, actually!” 

Jirachi’s third eye opened as he waggled his finger, and suddenly, the Not-Salamence stopped growling. It looked around, confused, as it eyed the two other Pokemon and the cashier, who was getting up from the ground. Jirachi smirked. 

Jirachi pridefully dusted his hands. “And our work here is done. Come on, let’s go before we have to pay for the damages.”

John glared at Jirachi incredulously. “So you do understand paying for things!”

All John got out of Jirachi was a whistle as the Mythical decided to take a good, long, look at the ceiling. John sighed. 

“Well I’ll be sure to hold that to you next time rent’s due.” He glanced at the door. “Now so long as nothing else happens, we should be good to go-”

“Incomingggggg-”

How time travelers had such a bad sense of timing was beyond John’s understanding. 

Chapter Text

John stared blankly at an unfolded piece of mail on their just-repaired table, the assorted mythicals that were his roommates looking over his shoulder as he read it out. " Valued member. In regards to your actions on the thirteenth of February and the resulting insurance claim of 1,279,950 poke for damages against Hoenn PokeMart Co., PokeInsurance cannot fulfill the request, and requires Member John Wish to pay in full under clause 12.1 ver. 3 exempting the company from damages caused by 'divine intervention or any other deific interference.' We apologize for the inconvenience .”

Everyone- slowly - turned to glare at Jirachi, who was looking decidedly uncomfortable. "Uh, well." He wrung his hands nervously. " Fuck .”

Chapter Text

“Drat! I missed my alarm!”

John looked at his alarm clock incredulously. Normally, he set it to seven-thirty as a wake up time, but the alarm hadn’t triggered when he needed it to, and he had slept past that point to nine o’ clock. He wasn’t going to be keeping his job with a tardy that hefty, let alone make it anywhere close to being on time to work.

The full weight of losing his job hadn’t quite settled in yet, and he heaved back onto his bed, tired beyond belief. He looked around, noticing that his home phone was beeping with a notification for a missed call, but John was too tired to check it. To him, it was another spam caller, and that was certainly not going to help him now.

It was then, however, that he felt the drop of crumbs on his face and the sound of crunching above him. He got up, finding Celebi hovering above him, munching on cookies. 

“Bad night? Tell me about it.” She munched a cookie, dripping a swarm of crumbs into John’s hair. “I once had a dream where Jirachi was there, and lemme tell you, you’d be making wishes to get rid of him if you had to deal with that. No peace, I swear-”

“Celebi, not right now.” 

John covered his face with his hands, exasperated beyond belief. Celebi cocked her head, confused. 

“Something up Mr. Wish boy?” She chewed on her food briefly, gulping as it went down her throat. “Cause lemme tell you, if it’s anything like the ceiling, it’ll be-”

“I missed my alarm, and I’m so late to work that I’ll be out of a job by tomorrow.” 

“Well that’s no problem!” Celebi smiled, scarfing down her last cookie like an unfed Munchlax. “I can just take you back in time! That way, you were never late to work in the first place!”

John got up, slightly hopeful. “You’re serious?”

Celebi cheerfully nodded. “Yep! I do it all the time, so you can trust me! Just tell me when and where and I can get you there in a jiffy!”

She winked, doing a mid-air figure eight as John watched, awestruck. He barely even had to mull the decision over. 

“Great! Let's do that then!” 

Celebi, without pausing, ripped open a portal as casually as she breathed. 

“Alrighty then, where are we going?” 

“Uh, my workplace… about an hour and a half ago.”

Celebi nodded, moving her arms around like a magician as the portal slightly rippled along its edges. Once John finished his statement, Celebi’s portal briefly flashed as she flew back a step. 

“Ready to go?”

John nodded, and Celebi breathed in. 

“Alright, on three. One… two… three!”

Celebi flew into the portal, and John leaped in after her. The experience of the portal was strange for John, as within a flash of light, he suddenly hit some hard ground. His eyes took their time steadying themselves once more, his stomach feeling far more worse for wear than before. As his eyes adjusted to the environment, he quickly realized one small detail.

…He was fairly certain his workplace didn’t contain this much grass.

“Hey, uh, John… I may have overshot a little.”

John got up, finding that the two were in an overgrown clearing, with a bright blue sky blaring above them. The sunlight shone down like an oppressive force, contrasting with the deep dark shade of the tangle of massive trees around them. From afar, he could spy a volcano, lava pouring out of its crater. A humid smell hung in the air, one that made John feel uneasy. 

“You think? Where even are we right now?”

Celebi fluttered about the clearing, briefly smelling an overgrown flower, recoiling from shock only a moment later. She squinted at the sky, sniffing the air slightly.

“I’d like to say…” She clicked her tongue a few times. “Late cretaceous era?” 

John incredulously looked at Celebi, who nervously chuckled, shrugging. 

“Lemme patch up my portal real quick and we can get back to where we needed to go, must have accidentally plugged something in wrong somewhere.”

Celebi opened another tear, but as soon as she did, the two heard a roar, and they both instinctively paled, primeval horror entering their souls. They turned to find none other than a Tyrantrum, easily as tall as the towering trees, entered the clearing: and it didn’t look friendly. 

It snarled at the pair, and both of them quickly glanced at each other as Celebi began to hastily alter the portal she was working on. Tyrantrum bared its fangs, charging at the two as Celebi hastily grabbed John and leapt through her portal. 

In a flash and another stomach churning experience, the pair wound up landing on cold metal, but no sooner had John recognized where he was had Celebi begun to panickedly construct another portal. 

“Celebi… where-”

“We may have gone a smidge too far forward-”

Mechanical clinking entered their ears, but so did the roars of Tyrantrum. The pair slowly turned their heads to find Tyrantrum behind them, huffing as it looked down at their weakened forms. As soon as it did, however, its attention was grabbed by something else; the strange mechanical noises coming from the darkness of where they were. John noticed the broken down fluorescent lighting humming above, the ruins of the obviously ancient Pokemon Center, the purely mechanical world surrounding him- all too late. 

From the shadows emerged what appeared to be a Hydreigon, except unlike a Hydreigon, it was glowing, its metallic body reflecting what little light Celebi’s portal casted and its own strange lava lamp-like liquid creating a foreign glow in the darkened building. It roared, its cries interlaced with mechanical crackling, as it launched an attack at Tyrantrum, who leapt over John to ensnare the Not-Hydreigon in its jaws.

“Come on, let’s go go go!”

Within a flash, John hit the hard cement of the ground, and after a brief momentary pause to get his bearings, he looked around, finding that he was right outside his work, just where he was meant to be. 

Unfortunately, Tyrantrum and Not-Hydreigon came with him. 

“Celebi! Can’t you send them back!?” 

“Not while they’re fighting! It could easily mess a lot more up than just leaving them be.” 

Not-Hydreigon fired off a Dark Pulse, which knocked it out of Tyrantrum’s grasp. Tyrantrum rushed forward, attempting to headbutt the Not-Hydreigon, but the mechanical robot dodged the attack, causing the dinosaur to knock itself into John’s workplace. Both he and Celebi winced from afar. 

Not-Hydreigon, glancing around, decided it did not want to continue the battle, and flew away from the scene of the crime. Tyrantrum, on the other hand, gave chase, leaping over the buildings in its way as it continued to hunt down Not-Hydreigon. 

John and Celebi simply stood there, blinking, as some of his coworkers exited the building, one of them spotted John, waving from afar as they rushed up to him.

“John! Did you see that!? That was a-”

“Yep, I saw.”

“Man… it’s a shame that the Tyrantrum destroyed all of that building over there.” His coworker sighed. “Guess we’re off work today.” 

As his coworker sauntered off, Celebi lightly nudged John in the shoulder, diverting his attention away from the decimated building in front of him. 

“Yeah, so, I went forward to check something, and you remember the missed call on your phone? Yeah, that was your work, telling you that you had the day off because a Tyrantrum plowed through the building.” 

John sighed. “Somedays, I need a vacation.”

Celebi giggled. “Well, you certainly have one now!”

Chapter Text

“You think that Indeedee down the road likes me?”

“Huh?”

Mew had an interesting habit: whenever he wasn’t busy working on genetic abominations or pigging out on snacks, he had a tendency to just longingly stare out the window, as if trying to study what was through it. John had just assumed Mew was bored, but it seemed like that guess was incorrect.

“You know that Indeedee that lives a couple of buildings down? You think she likes me?”

“Mew, neither of us have ever interacted with that Pokemon before.”

“Yeah, but, consider this: every time I’m walking down the road, she keeps staring at me with this curious look in her eye. Is that not a look of long repressed feelings?”

“I think you’ve been watching too many rom-coms. She’s probably looking at you funny because you’re the literal progenitor of all species out there.” John paused. “Wow. I am only just now comprehending that as I say it out loud.”

Mew shrugged. “Hey, why else do you think I make things? Making new species doesn’t happen overnight, you know.”

John snorted. “Well, what are you trying to work on next?”

“Well, you know how you and Celebi brought back that cool robot Hydreigon a while ago? The one that keeps showing up in the cryptid hunting channels?”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“I thought making some robots could be cool.”

John paused, mulling it over. “How does that even work? Like-”

“I have no idea how it’ll work, but it’s cool, so I’m working with it.” Mew sighed, leaning on his arm as he continued to stare outside the window. “Do you think Indeedee likes robots?”

Chapter Text

Jirachi had just woken up from the most delightful of naps; it was a shame he had to deal with the least delightful of incidents after the fact.

“You mean you won’t lend money to your poor old mother!? You wound me, John!”

“Mom, I’m barely getting by on rent, I can’t-”

“I should have just left you on the streets to die if I had known you were this selfish! Insolent child!”

“Mom-”

The sound of a loud hanging up sound played from the kitchen. Jirachi wasn’t quite sure what he had heard, but if there was one thing he knew, it was that John’s mother was someone he already didn’t like. 

“Heya Johnny boy, what’s poppin?” 

John recoiled, hastily hiding his phone in his pocket. 

“Oh, uh, nothing! Don’t worry about a thing, Jirachi, I-”

“Do you want me to do something about your mom?” Jirachi pondered to himself. “I could make her nicer, I could make you meaner, I could kill-”

John hastily waved his hands around. “Jirachi, no! I am not doing any of that.” He sighed. “I just wish I didn’t have to hear her yell obscenities through the phone every-” John’s eyes widened in terror. “Jirachi-”

“Wish granted!”

As the sound of a muffled explosion exited his pocket, John began to wonder why things never seemed to work out sometimes.

Chapter Text

John might have hated his job, but that didn’t mean he had to hate his coworkers . After all, they were stuck in administrative hell right alongside him. They didn’t often get the chance to meet outside of work, but a balmy day like this, off work for some minor corporate holiday, and- most importantly- apartment assuredly empty, was too good an opportunity to pass up.

Samantha sipped tiredly on the coffee that’d cost a depressingly large portion of her paycheck, reclining in one of the plush chairs as they enjoyed the weather from the balcony. “Damn, kid.” She was at maximum five years older than him, but she’d called him that in his intern days and the nickname stuck. “How in distortion did you afford this? These chairs are just-“ she settled back further into her seat, blowing a fake kiss in pretentious mockery of kalosians . “Mwah. Amazing.”

John chuckled softly. “One of my roommates got ‘em. They don’t pay rent, but god damn do they pull through sometimes.” 

His coworker leaned forward, eyes sparking in interest. “ Really? You know, I hear about these roommates a lot. Maybe you could… tell me about them?” For a second there Samantha looked the picture of perfect innocence, before the imploring face was replaced by a tired laugh.

A nervous chuckle was all he could give in return. “You wouldn’t believe me if I did. Trust me, I wish I could tell you, but-“ his face suddenly paled considerably. “ Damnit… uh, here's hoping…” he waited a few seconds, then sighed in relief, completely missing Samantha’s befuddled expression. “I think we’re good.”

“Huh, just caught that one! Glad I set an alarm… and- there we go!” John didn’t even get the chance to curse before he was buried by a pile of mythicals like so many stuffed animals.

“Celebi? Mew? Jirachi? Why did you teleport yourself? ” John didn’t even listen to the response, because he knew it would be some variation of ‘because it was funny.’ “And who are you? ” He picked up the floppy blue pokemon, holding it out in front of him like he would a particularly scrungly cat. “Wait, Mew was telling me about… Manaphy?” The blue thing nodded vigorously. “You don’t even live here, though?”

Jirachi giggled as he floated off him, shaking his head in an innocent-but-actually-totally-ominous sort of way. “ I thought I’d grab us another friend while we’re all here! ” Again, John didn’t need to ask why.

…it was a bit funny. Mostly watching Mew look like he wanted to pull his hair out at the irreverent steel-type’s inefficient wish granting. “Sorry about this.” He set Manaphy down, though the comment wasn’t for her alone. “I’d say they’re not usually like this…” but they were usually like this.

“What. The…” Samantha worked her mouth in wordless, slack-jawed astonishment for almost a minute before she snapped it shut, taking a stiff swig of her coffee. “Legendaries above-“ she grimaced at the poor word choice, mostly because Mew and Celebi were, in fact, above them. “Damn… you were right. You were very right. There’s no way I would have believed this without seeing it. You know, I don’t know if I believe it while seeing it.”

John shrugged, studiously ignoring the apocalyptically powerful psychic attack that Mew was carefully aiming towards the oblivious Jirachi. “Eh…” Jirachi squeaked in surprise as he was sent rocketing skyward with a bang . “You get used to it…“ somewhere far down the street, a car alarm went off- “eventually.”

Chapter Text

A day off was just what John needed. There was a museum he had been dying to visit, and this sudden bout of free time allowed him to do just that. It was a fun romp… or well, it would’ve  been, if it weren’t for a certain time traveler doing her very best to correct all of the mistakes in the museum. 

“That one is not historically accurate… seriously, I was there for that, they erected those pillars out of boredom, not out of- Oh now that one’s just criminal!”

John sighed. He was just thankful that Mew hadn’t also chosen to accompany him… he had a sneaking suspicion the little pink cat would be trying his best to point out all of the historical inaccuracies in the dinosaur fossils-

“Seriously!? How do they mess up that badly!?” 

John looked over to Celebi, who had fluttered over to a tapestry depicting a variety of Mythical Pokemon. Though the many Mythicals John knew of were of a remarkably life-like quality, there was one small error that was irking Celebi to no end.

“Why am I pink!? I’m green! Green!” 

Celebi cried in anguish in front of the tapestry, gaining a few concerned looks from other museum visitors. John facepalmed, continuing to watch the little Mythical continue to make a scene.

“I know exactly who did this!” The time traveler’s face was filled with a vengeful fury, one which John had never seen before. “My sworn rival from epochs ago! I shall make sure she-”

“Au contraire.” 

Celebi and John whirled their heads around, finding another Celebi leaning casually on a statue of the Legendary Dragon-Type Pokemon, Zekrom. Unlike the Celebi John knew, this one was pink, and appeared to be very unamused. 

“My sworn rival!” Celebi’s fists balled up. “I shall destroy you Pinky!”
“Pinky’s” face scrunched up in anger. “I told you not to call me that, onionhead.”

“You have an onion head too! You can’t talk!”

“Is that really the best you can do?” Pinky shrugged. “No matter. I’ve just come to announce that this will be my final victory. This museum shall be your tomb, onionhead.” 

Celebi smirked. “Oh, and how will you accomplish that?”

Pinky grinned, tapping the Zekrom statue. “Well, you see, I went back in time, and I decided to have a little chat with the sculptor of this statue…” She lay upon its head, soothingly stroking the statue. “And I made him add a few special features!” 

Pinky leapt off the statue, which began to come to life. The statue roared, crackling with electricity. Pinky laughed maniacally, but she was cut off by the statue attempting to slash at her. She blinked, confused.

Celebi began to chuckle ominously. “You fool… did you really think I didn’t notice your presence? As soon as I got here, I immediately went back to an even further point, and I bribed the sculptor of that statue, so it would always attack pink Celebi, not green ones!”

“Or so you thought.”

Celebi’s face paled, as Pinky grinned. 

“You see, I predicted that you would predict my presence, so I went even further back in time, and I bribed the sculptor first. Say hello to Zekrom lightning!” 

The statue flared to life, charging at Celebi with reckless abandon. Despite the hurtling statue, Celebi simply stood there, letting the statue arrive. Suddenly, it stopped dead in its tracks, Celebi staring at it apathetically, as it began to release a soothing pink aura. Celebi stretched, putting her arms behind her head as she relaxed. 

“Ah… now that hits the spot. You see, Pinky, I predicted that you would predict my prediction, and thus, I went back in time to an even earlier point, and I made certain that the sculptor removed the weaponry in favor of more… relaxing side effects.”

“Oho, but there’s one thing you’ve forgotten.” Pinky waggled a finger. “I made certain to predict that you would predict me predicting your prediction, and as a result, I went slightly further back in time. Statue, kaboom time!”

The Zekrom statue flared to life, its eyes glowing red, as it roared, but the glow died down immediately as its power went dormant. Celebi snickered.

“You fool, Pinky! You see-”

The two Celebi continued to bicker, constantly working on upstaging each other, as John lay lying down asleep on one of the museum benches. He had only one prediction before going to nap, and that was that their semantics would take an infinitely long enough amount of time to get over and done with.

And fortunately enough for John, he was completely right.

Chapter Text

Celebi was no stranger to the weirder aspects of time travel. You’d expect that anyone who went to the effort to send a message across space and time would do so only for the most extenuating of circumstances, but- subject to the horrible world of non-causal trolling as she was, Celebi knew the distressing reality of the matter. All that was to say- whoever was pinging her better have a damn good reason, or else her first would rapidly find itself educating their face on proper time travel etiquette.

She disappeared with a chime, tunneling through time until she reached the call’s origin. If she saw right, then it’d been bounced off some particularly clever vectors from near the present, displacing it a thousand years in the past and halfway across the…

The gently shimmering pink of an all too familiar crystal winked beneath the ancient night sky, and Celebi couldn’t help but smile wryly at the sight. “Clever. Very clever.” She grabbed the crystal shot of across the region that would one day be known as Hoenn, gently depositing it in what- a thousand years in the future- would be the foundation to a set of low income apartments. 

She didn’t stick around long, disappearing once more into the infinity of time. “Well played, Jirachi, well played…”

It was only two days after the fact, when a certain museum visit went sour (in a particularly pink onion flavor) that she realized exactly what she’d signed up for.

Chapter Text

John had discovered that Manaphy was the quiet sort of Pokemon. Unlike the other Mythicals he lived with, Manaphy was one who didn’t say much. In fact, John couldn’t recall a single time that Manaphy had ever uttered a single vocalization at all. For a while, John had thought she was mute, or perhaps openly despised being trapped in the apartment. 

At least, that was until the quadruplet had begun to install a fish tank. 

“What in the name of all that’s sacred are you guys doing!?”

There had been a bit of a leak downstairs, so John had come to see what was up. Unfortunately for John, he was not expecting one of his spare storage rooms to be flooded. 

Jirachi cocked his head. “Well, technically, we’re considered sacred, so we don’t have to explain anything to you.”

Mew cheered. “But we’re going to do that anyway!” Mew kicked some glass that was floating in the water. “We were trying to construct a fish tank, and-”

John sighed. He had no idea how they were competent enough to have water defy physics and not leave the room, yet not have the competency to make a simple fish tank, but there they were, in that exact situation. 

“Look, how are you all this painfully incompetent?”

Mew nervously scratched his head. “Well… uh…”

Celebi nervously chuckled, grasping the miraculously dry instructions. “We um… we kind of…”

Jirachi whistled anxiously. “Came across a few difficulties…”

John incredulously stared at the Mythicals, the true horror of this situation dawning upon him.

“...Do none of you know how to read?”

The three Mythicals sheepishly averted their eyes, all staring at a nearby wall, or in Celebi’s case, the instructions. John facepalmed. 

“Okay, I’m going to pretend like I don’t know that for the sake of my sanity.” He glanced at Celebi, motioning towards him with a hand. “May I?”

Before Celebi could say anything, Manaphy leapt onto Celebi’s legs, grabbing onto them as she wrenched the instructions from her. She leapt onto John’s head, using his hair to dampen the fall, as gracefully landed on the floor. She eyed the notes briefly before looking up at the others. Not even a few seconds later, she had thrown the instructions behind her, leaping into the water after the various parts of the fish tank. 

Several blue blurs darted across the room, and somehow, within the span of a minute, Manaphy assembled the fish tank with relative ease. She wiped her forehead, and smiled, as she motioned with her arm for the Psychics in the room to put the water inside. The three staggered out of their stunned daze, and hastily did as she asked. Soon, the fish tank was complete, though the floor was soggy beyond belief. 

Manaphy dusted her hands, a prideful look in her eyes. She marched out of the room, an air of swagger around her. 

“And that’s how you assemble a fish tank.” 

John and the others just stared, wide-eyed shock plastered on their faces. A silence hung over all of them, but John was the one to break it.

“If you three don’t start taking reading lessons then you’d better expect me to start enforcing rent.”

Chapter Text

Even transformed as a carbink, it’d taken him an inordinately long amount of time and effort to get this job, and an even longer time carefully preparing the delicate appreciation for refined, scientific speech into his target through years of careful indoctrination. So much time, carefully spent setting the scene- time he’d had to do without experimentation of any kind, lest someone stumbling across the abominations in his basement reveal his machinations.

At last, though, serving drinks in one of the Diamond Domain’s finest establishments, Mew was ready. An elderly carbink walked into the bar, his target in tow- the Domain’s newest princess, Diancie. “Dace, your majesty.” He bobbed respectfully. “What can I get for you?” His accent had almost been the death of his plans multiple times. Every time, it was always the accent that was the most difficult part.

The older carbink settled down into his seat, sighing just a bit. “Just some H 2 O for now, if you would be so kind.” 

Mew flicked his gaze to Diancie, trying his very best not to let his enthusiasm show. “H 2 O too, please.” Yes. Yes! It took all his millenia-reinforced willpower not to burst out in laughter right there. It’d worked! Slowly, carefully, he poured out a cup of water for Dace… and hydrogen peroxide for Diancie.” His delicate handling of the glass didn’t even tremble as he put the two drinks in front of the visiting royals, stepping back with nothing but hidden elation and a demurely polite bob.

Dace sipped tiredly at his, but- much as he’d suspected, no- carefully ingrained into her attitude- Diancie took a deep quaff of hers- then sputtered, spitting out the drink all over the bar. “What the- this isn’t water!” 

Dace lept afloat in indignance. “Guards! The princess has been poisoned!” Mew was too busy laughing to care where he fled- it mattered not, ultimately, even as the ancient soldiers of the Diamond Domain were roused from their geologic slumber to hunt him down.

They would never be able to catch him- so long as Arceus upheld reality, the rules therein were his to bend. His form shifted, unfolding until he was a tiny red and black worm- and with little pomp he dove through his reflection and into the vast unreality of distortion’s home.

Giggling, he transformed back into his original form as the Dragon of Symmetry loomed judgmentally above him- and, to someone used to his serious demeanor, clearly trying desperately not to crack a grin. “ I remain astonished that you actually did it. That was perhaps the stupidest joke I’ve ever seen you fixate on. ”

“Hey! You said it couldn’t be done, and to that I say you’re a bloody pessimist. One bad joke, just for you.” Diance would survive- their physiology wouldn’t be unduly harmed by his prank, but he’d not really intended to assassinate her in the first place. “Looks like I’ve still got it-” a peculiar wrenching force yanked him, past planar boundaries and across the world, dropping him unceremoniously into a pile of sticky… sugary… stuff.

He staggered into the air, glare locked onto the only mythical who could both summon him from beyond the veil of reality and politely ask- read, compel- him into being someone’s roommate. Well, he did need somewhere to lie low for a bit after his most recent stunt… “ Bloody hell, mate. Give a lad some warning before you relocate their place of residence… ”

Chapter Text

It had seemed like such a good idea at the time, which, in retrospect, should have been a warning. Mew was smart- smarter than him, definitely, so he shouldn’t have had a problem learning modern galarian, but he’d failed to take into account one critical detail- Mew didn’t want to learn how to read.

A disgruntled Mew was simultaneously both adorable and one of the most dangerous things in existence. He’d spent the last week turning the kitchen into his most extravagant and abominable experiment yet, was especially punctual about walking him up at six o’clock on the dot , and John had overheard some suspicious mutterings about kidneys a few times to many over the course of the week.

At least the mythical was learning the language? “ I hate this. It’s bloody illogical, that’s what. ” John hid a wince from where he sat on the other side of the table, trying not to think of the preschool-level worksheet he’d printed out for him. “ Unown script is the only language I should need. This nonsensical garbage is utterly pointless in comparison. ”

“Unown script?” John perked up in interest, then blanched as he realized he’d drawn the attention of grumpy Mew. “Uh… just, um, didn’t know that was a thing.”

“ Obviously. ” Mew scoffed, saccharinely endearing for such a dismissive gesture. “ I wouldn’t understand a mortal to understand real language, now would I? ”

John very dearly wanted to keep his kidneys, so- damage control time! “I’m sure it’s very cool! Great, even! I’ve just never heard of it- you know, focused on the basics as far as my language classes went…” Mew was staring at him with a piercing gaze, which John could only asume translated to ‘mission failed, better luck with the transplants.’

“ Hmm… actually, that might just be a decent idea. ” Mew slowly pushed aside his worksheet, sending it a silently judging look. “ Here's what’s going to happen, mate. If I have to learn galarian, then you’re going to learn Unown script. ” John relaxed slightly as Mew started to scribble out a worksheet for him- that almost sounded fair!

Then he actually saw what was on the worksheet, and despaired. Needless to say, he was looking at a well educated and very painful few months…

Chapter Text

Celebi lounged lazily on the kitchen counter, poking at the pasticy fake-marble with a thoroughly bored expression on her face. “...and, anyways, I didn’t do anything there other than shmooving the crystal. Really clever. You don’t think it, when you look at his sleepy little face, but I swear that kid’s got a manical intelligence when it comes to wishes.”

John blinked, turning an iota of attention away from his minecraft world for a short moment. “What? Sorry, I didn’t catch that last part.” No, he totally wasn’t procrastinating on buying gifts for grandparents day by playing video games and listening to his roommate’s inane drivel. How could anyone possibly assume that?

The time-traveler gave him a flare stare. “You weren’t listening, were you?”

“I wasn’t listening.”

“Oh for… you’re almost as bad as Pinky.” That was a bit dramatic, John thought. At the very least he wasn’t half as annoying as his roommate’s rival celebi. “Let me spell it out for you, then. Jirachi wished to be roommates, right? So his wish pinged me, who went into the past and changed it so that Jirachi would be here in the present .”

“Ah, I see.” John nodded. “That makes total sense.”

“No you don’t.” Celebi huffed in indignation, and John got the impression that Celebi wasn’t going to stop until she’d made her point. “Time travel isn’t simple, okay! Take Arceus’ obsession with Michina- no can’t share divine secrets… Dialga and- no, not that either… Ilex… too circumstantial…” the sprite mumbled incoherently for a moment before pausing in suitably dramatic revelation. “Of course! Your name! You must be curious about it, right?”

“...no?”

His answer was, of course, ignored entirely. “Of course you are. It must strike you as unusual the details of that particular event- to change a name and to get it to stick , it carried all sorts of problems. Too far back and I’d be essentially granting you nobility, which- you know, not known for living in shabby apartments… too soon, and your family would have remembered its history, which would have been boring .” Celebi twirled around in a fit of animated dramatics, throwing her hands up into the air. “Like, you would’ve been all ‘my lady of Ilex’ and ‘honored ancestor-’”

“Wait.” John froze for a long second, only barely cognizant enough to pause the game as he focused fully onto Celebi. “ Ancestor ?”

“Uh…” the mythical chuckled nervously. “I might have taken some… liberties in my methodology.”

John had a feeling he wasn’t going to like this. “What exactly does that mean?”

“Well… you might bedescendedfromme bye!” The small pokemon disappeared with a chime, leaving a distraught John alone in the living room.

After all, he’d barely had enough funds set aside to get his mortal grandparents something for grandparents day. Groaning, he saved his game and got up to go arrange some things. Hopefully Celebi didn’t mind subpar gifts…

Chapter Text

Let it be known that John had started to get used to the chaos brought by having literal mythicals in his home.

The initial shock and surprise having long worn off, John could honestly call himself…content with his current circumstances. Sure, it seemed like every other day that something completely unexpected happened, but at the same time it genuinely brightened his day to interact with the four individuals who call him roommate.

This meant that when Mew approached him in order to ask for help with an experiment, he thought nothing of it.

“An experiment, you say? Please tell me this won’t lead to a garbage fire in the living room like last time? I know we can clean it up easily with Celebi but it’s about the principle of the matter.”

“No, no. This should be easy, bruv.” 

Mew floated ever closer, but John failed to see any potential elements for the experiment.

He also couldn’t help but notice the… predatory glint in Mew’s eyes.

“Hehe… what is the experiment? I don’t see anything.”

“…” Mew’s lack of a response only brought fear into John’s heart. As did the noticeable grin she now sported after the question.

“Mew, you’re scaring me here… What are you doing?”

“You.”

“…”

“...”

The silence is deafening… until it wasn’t.

“WHAT?”

“You are the experiment, John.”

“Ok. Ok, that is only slightly better… Now what do you mean I’m the “experiment?”

John was used to the occasional prank every now and then. But this seemed more… deliberate then those. Planned meticulously to catch him off-guard.

Or maybe he was reading too far into it. Either could be true.

“Are you daft you bloody tosser? I meant exactly what I said. You. Are. The. Experiment. Now don’t get your knickers in a twist, pull up a chair and let me explain.”

…

‘I wasn’t reading too far into it.’

John went and sat in a chair. No point in fighting it, whenever Mew gets his mind on something it’s generally happening.

“You see, I wanted to learn what would happen if you took a human and removed their main method of transportation by replacing it with another method. How will we do this? Well Manaphy was quite willing to help for my part of the gummy fish.”

“And where is Manaphy? I don’t see her.”

Looking around the living room, John didn’t see the blue mon anywhere, despite Mew saying that she was nearby.

Evidently, neither did Mew. “Manaphy? Where are you?” 

“I’m over here!” Came a voice that wafted over the kitchen counter. Seems Manaphy’s small size had hidden her from view. “Just need to get a drink real quick!”

“Quit faffing about and hurry your bloody arse up already?”

Still in the chair, John was steadily realizing that with Manaphy here, he was all out of luck and all out of options. 

‘Well great… wait a second.’

“Well I wish that I wouldn’t have to help with this.”

‘ Hah. Bet you didn’t see that one coming. Now all I have to do is wait for Jirachi to do literally anything. ’

…

…

‘Normally he would’ve done something by now… right?’

“Jirachi? I wish that I don’t have to help Mew?”

…Jirachi was nowhere to be found.

“Jirachi? You there?”

‘ Where is he? ’

“ Sigh … you really thought that would work? I already told Jirachi what I was planning today. He’s currently out in the world, having fun with a friend of his… which leaves you. And me.”

…

‘Oh shit.’

“So anyways, me and Manaphy here-” 

*Crash*

‘ That came from the kitchen area… ’ John thought. As much as he hated everything about this, he had learned to care about his roommates and didn’t want one of them to be hurt. 

“Are you alright over there??? That didn’t sound good!”

“... I’m alright! Don’t worry about it.”

…

* Crash *

“Alright that bloody does it.” Mew floated off, presumably grabbing Manaphy in order to speed up the process.

“Alright. With that out of the way, me and Manaphy-”

“ Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh? ”

…Mew hadn’t ever looked more disappointed before this, John thought.

“Manaphy… you are absolutely knackered . Get some sleep after this… ahem where was I… ah. We are going to do this experiment. Also, you are going to be placed asleep for the start in order to ensure there aren't any issues during the transfer.”

Mew started to float closer to John.

“If I may ask, who am I getting body-swapped with?”

Mew reached John, lightly tapping his forehead before softly whispering.

“Me silly, now go to sleep.”

“...wha-”

…

Snore

John was asleep.

“Alright Manaphy. I’m going to go to sleep myself. Please ensure the process goes well.”

“Wuzzat??? I didn’t under- understand you.” hick-

Pulling up a chair right next to John, Mew went to sleep.

Mew would conveniently miss Manaphy tripping over herself immediately afterward.

__

“What a wonderful nap…”

Waking up, Mew noticed two things. 

First, Manaphy was turned towards the duo with dried tears coming down her body.

Second, John’s body was off to her side, still asleep.

‘ Wait just a second… wasn’t I supposed to be in John’s body??? Why can I… ’

“Manaphy. What happened???”

… sob… sniff, sniff

“Manaphy. Where in the bloody hell is John?”

Sniff sniff… “I don’t know. He was here but something interfered with the transfer. I don’t know where he went.”

…

“JOOOOOOOOHN”

__

‘ Ugh… where am I? ’

Waking up to darkness was very disorientating, especially for someone who typically would wake up about two feet maximum away from where he fell asleep.

As he gradually started to become a little more cognizant, he noticed a few things about his surroundings.

The first thing he noticed was that they were extremely cramped. He barely fit into them as it was. Unfortunately, this didn’t exactly give him any information.

‘ Have I been captured? Where am I? ’

Looking around, he noticed that the walls seemed metallic in structure, as well as being oddly square. Placing his feet against the floor sounded hollow to an extent, yet the actual area was sturdy and allowed him to walk around freely.

‘ Alright… What is the last thing I remember? Mew came by, wanted me for an experiment, we were gonna get… body-swapped. ’

In all of this, John had somehow never actually taken a look at his body. However, he immediately realized the problem.

‘ I’m not Mew… What a wonderful prank by them… What am I anyway? ’

Looking down at himself, he noticed a cream-white body. His hands had small hairs on them, and… were those whiskers???

‘ I’m some kind of mouse? I guess? This doesn’t help me much… I guess I should try to find my way to my apartment. ’

__

Meanwhile, Mew was frantically searching the nearby area, however as “John” hadn’t woken up they wouldn’t get help from there, nor could Manaphy locate John as the Heart-Swap technique did not have any way to identify using aura per se.

Mew could guess that John hadn’t gone far, as the Heart-Swap technique is limited in range. However, that did not help when there were no obvious locations that he could be in, and the two most likely candidates were all… not in the area.

This meant that the Mew had to search every little nook and cranny for John, as he most likely got turned into something small that managed to crawl somewhere that no one else saw.

It seemed that every two seconds there was another small hideaway location that he’d have to check, in spite of the relatively small search area. Admittedly, it was made larger due to walls and hidden areas, but it wasn’t like Mew was searching a field or a football stadium. He was only searching a normal-sized apartment with a few rooms and yet it felt like it was taking ages.

‘ Keep calm… panicking isn’t going to help anyone. Just think about it logically. Where else could he be?’

Having cleared out the upstairs, including all of the bedrooms (he did have to wonder why Celebi had a metallic ball in her room, but it wasn’t truly his place to ask so he wouldn’t… even if it did have a certain… aura to it that he was concerned about) he moved on to the downstairs. It might be best to start in the garage and work his way around from there.

__

John made his way to the end of the vent, finding an opening that led out into one of the hallways. Thankfully, it was close enough to a nearby table where he was willing to test his luck jumping down, doing so, and landing in his garage… an entire floor beneath where he started.

A floor that looked incredibly perilous with his currently miniscule size.

But at least he knew where he was now, so it was just a matter of walking back up…

‘ This is going to take forever. I wish I didn’t have to go through this right now. ’

Then Mew burst into the garage looking for him.

“JOOOOHN ARE YOU IN HERE? CAN YOU HEAR MY VOICE?”

Jirachi must’ve been with him in spirit at that moment, because he definitely wasn’t here physically.

“YEAH. I’M DOWN HERE.”

Mew floated over towards where he heard the voice. “KEEP SPEAKING, I DON’T SEE YOU.”

John walked as close as he could to the Mew. “I’M ON THE TABLE.”

As Mew finally located John, he visibly sagged.

“Thank the heavens I found you, we’ve been searching for the past 30 minutes.”

John tilted his head, frowning. “So you’re telling me this wasn’t some prank of yours?”

Mew, somehow shaking his whole body as an answer, responded, “No, not at all! I genuinely wanted to test how quickly you figured out floating none of this was intended! I’m so, so sorry that you went through this. Is there any way I can make it up to you?”

An audible sigh rang out from John. “Just get me back in my body, then we will talk. OK?”

“Alright, I’mma pick you up so we can get back there quicker. Is that OK with you? …Unless you want to walk, that is.”

John stared into Mew’s soul on that proclamation, before gesturing to his current size in order to indicate just how long that would take him.

“Ok Ok, I get it. All aboard the Mew Express!” Mew then grabbed onto John before teleporting back into the Living Room.

__

With the process set back up, the body John currently inhabited (which he had since learned was ½ of a Tandemaus, Pokémon which had a destined mate from birth that they would spend their entire life finding if necessary) on one side, his normal body on the other.

Mew rechecked the area, making sure that there were no more unknown occupants that could potentially steal a soul on accident, dropping an unfortunate Ariados outside the window.

It’ll be fine, those things are resilient.

With everything out of the way and everyone in the right spots, they were ready to fix everything.

“John, you ready?”

A prompt nod gave Mew his answer.

“Manaphy you daft bird, we are going to get it right this time, correct?”

“Yeaaaaa. Totally dude.”

Mew didn’t look too reassured at that one but left it alone anyway.

That out of the way, Mew counted it down, with a simple.

“3!”

…

“2!”

…

“1!!!”

And everything went black for John once more.

__

He woke up to a very squeaky voice screaming.

“HOW DID YOU MESS THIS UP AGAIN YOU ABSOLUTE MUPPET?”

Looking down, he was now in Mew’s body… which meant Mew was stuck in the mouse over there…

‘Welp. Here we go again.’

__

Everyone was finally back in their own bodies. Somehow, neither Celebi nor Jirachi returned in that mess, but that might have made it take longer.

Mew was tearing at Manaphy, because apparently the reason that Heart-Swap kept messing up wasn’t because of external interference but because she was drunk.

Mew had, unfortunately, just made the assumption that she was tired.

But regardless, it was over. Despite the fact that it may take a bit for him to recover from the mental strain switching bodies so many times incurred on his soul. But, he will recover.

For now, he’ll just listen to Mew put Manaphy on blast.

“I TOLD YOU ABOUT THIS THREE DAYS AGO AND YOU SHOWED UP DRUNK? BY THE HEAVENS HOW DID YOU EVEN GET DRUNK?” Mew was on a roll at this point, and showing no sign of stopping any time soon.

Manaphy just… took it? She didn’t seem to really understand what Mew was saying. “I… I don’t know?” In her defense, Mew didn’t seem to really be speaking to her… more ranting out loud for the world to hear.

“YOU ARE LITERALLY MADE OUT OF WATER HOW CAN YOU GET DRUNK? IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE! I CAN’T BELI-” indiscernible screaming

This almost makes it worth it…

Not really.

Not at all, if he’s being honest.

__

__

Omake

Immediately following the Swap-Incident, someone had the… perfect timing to come back from his trip.

“I’m BACK!” Jirachi screamed his entrance into the apartment.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-” A noise came out from the apartment, startling Jirachi and inadvertently sending him into a tumble as he hit his head against the door frame.

‘ What was that? ’ Peering into the doorway, Jirachi saw absolute chaos.

Mew was screaming into the open air, seemingly waiting for someone to respond and waiting for no-one at the same time.

Manaphy was… no, had been crying at some point. Tear tracks are hard to see on a blue aquatic but they were noticeable at the time. Now she just looked apologetic.

John… was staring off into space. Jirachi couldn’t point out John having taken a single action since his entrance other than the natural breathing that all humans do.

Floating over to the one… most likely to answer a question despite himself, he said to John.

“I’m guessing something happened?”

…

“...You don’t know the greater half of what transpired tonight.”

“Do I want to know?”

“No.”

John resumed staring at the wall of his apartment, clearly done with the conversation.

Chapter Text

After weeks of having to deal with the sheer inability of the Mythicals to read, John had reached his boiling point. Mew was at least learning, but Jirachi and Celebi had evaded all of his attempts to teach them. While Celebi was someone he couldn’t catch, Jirachi was someone he could. 

“Jirachi, you’re going to school.”

Jirachi paused, scarfing down a banana. “School? What’s that?”

“It’s a place where you learn things, Jirachi, and you need to learn how to read.”

“I do not!”

“Jirachi, you entered the “Going Beyond This Door Will Kill You” spot when we visited the pool recently.”

“It wasn’t that bad.”

“Jirachi, you drank the chemicals because you thought they were lemonade.”

“A simple fix!” Jirachi shook his head. “You mortals, I swear.”

John sighed, placing some papers on the table.

“I’ve enrolled you in a nearby preschool. You’re little enough where you can pass, and you’ll learn the basics.”

Jirachi pouted. “I don’t want to! School is boring!”

“I’ll buy you gummy fish if you go to school.”

“School? I love school! When do we start?”

“Tomorrow. I expect you to be on your best behavior, alright? Now, let me just explain some ground rules…”

Jirachi’s head was occupied only by the thoughts of swimming gummy fish. The little Pokemon salivated at the thought. He could easily beat school, how bad could it be?”

----------------------------------------------------------------------

“This class is impossible!”

Jirachi was tossing his head. John must have put him in the hardest course in the school, because the stuff he was learning was next to impossible! How was anyone meant to learn-

“Jirachi, dear, first, you make an upwards line, and then-”

“Noooooooooo!” 

The bell rung, and Jirachi perked up instantly. 

“Snack time! Yay!” 

As Jirachi lunged for the nearby colored paper, his teacher tried in vain to stop him. Nothing would stop Jirachi from getting to his snacks. Nothing.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

“Jirachi, why are you at the principal’s office?”

“No reason!”

“Then why did I receive a call about you eating the paper?”

Jirachi pouted, crossing his arms. “Look, Mew said it was made of sugar, alright?”

John sighed as a very cross looking woman exited the room with a paper in her head. She talked with John very sternly before returning back to the dark corners from whence she came. 

“Well, uh, Jirachi, you’re lucky to be staying in the school…”

“Really!?”

“Yep, the only reason is because you apparently…” John squinted at the paper. “Granted everyone’s wishes?”

“Yep! There were so many fun ones!” Jirachi began counting on his fingers. “One wanted a Ponyta, another wanted a million Poke, another one wanted a best friend, guess who fulfills that niche perfectly, another-”

“Okay okay, I get it. Just, be careful in the future, because I don’t think they’ll stand for anything else.” 

The woman from before suddenly howled from the office, furiously slamming her hand into a desk.

“Percy you bumbling oaf! I wish you could be useful for once!”

John knew what was coming the moment the woman said it, and Jirachi did too, for the moment he waggled his finger, a shocked gasp from behind him. As furiously wild electrical noises emitted from the school’s offices, Jirachi cocked his head.

“What did I do?”

“I think… I think you just turned that man into a printer.”

“Nice.”

John sighed while Jirachi giggled. If this was what school was like, then Jirachi was all for it. 

Chapter Text

For a bunch of mythicals who didn’t know how to read at one point, somehow, teaching them to use a computer was easier.

Why is John teaching ancient mythicals who act like children to use a computer?

Because of Video Games.

John made the mistake of bringing Minecraft up around Celebi, who was oddly interested. Celebi then got the other four interested in creating a world between the five of them.

Queue John, having to teach three individuals how to use a computer. And it somehow was easier than the concept of reading. 

That didn’t necessarily mean it was easy. Mew at least already knew how to use a computer, and Celebi had shown some proficiency in learning. The other two were a lot less easy on John’s mental health.

At least they all had managed to source computers of their own… of suspiciously high quality. Hell, Celebi somehow got a PS5. To be fair she explained that someone had messed it up and she found it thrown away in poor condition so she restored it using time shenanigans…

How did she even know what that was?  

He’s bringing this up next time they say they can’t pay the damn rent.

Regardless, the five of them had now set up a Minecraft server and played relatively often. However, on this day they had chosen to go onto a public server, as they wanted to “FACE THE THROES OF COMBAT” in the words of Manaphy.

…

It’s always the quiet ones.

…

They had been playing Bedwars for a while now, and although Manaphy and Jirachi were still clearly struggling, the other three played decently well. At one point, the trio of John, Mew, and Celebi had chosen to team up and attempt to win and go up the leaderboards. All in good fun.

In all honesty, it had been going well, they won a decent amount of games, and the ones they didn’t win were often second or third-place finishes.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t meant to last.

In one game, they got second place to a team that survived with their bed intact. Thinking nothing of it, they played again, losing to a player who was on that previous team.

And again.

And again.

It seemed like every game they would run into this player who went by EindVictory, and they would always win no matter what.

In some games, they’d win in a resounding fashion, never having their bed broken at all.

Other times, it felt as if the universe pulled the saving play out of nowhere for them to win. An ender pearl thrown in a panic underneath the map would hit a wall that was barely close enough to a water stream that it could be reached before falling out of bounds. A lucky magma ball was thrown to snipe a bed right before it could be fixed, leading to the team rolling through their enemies. Getting hit by a knockback-boosted sword and landing on the one block remaining from a destroyed pathway.

It was never something so egregious as arrows avoiding a target, their gameplay looked legit. But something was off.

And it frustrated the trio.

Five or Six times it came down to the wire, with both teams having one player remaining and beds destroyed. EindVictory would somehow find a way to win.

What made it worse was that he was solo-queueing. Unlike the three of them who were a whole squad, EindVictory showed up with random, yet also randomly competent, players each match. Not once was a single player on his team dead weight, or made a costly mistake.

“I HATE THIS GUY.” Celebi proclaimed after another loss from the player. She had taken on a one v. one bow duel and had, unfortunately, gotten hit in the head immediately as she peaked out.

John nodded sagely. “I agree, something is off about all of this. However, they haven’t cheated so nothing can be done.” Despite this calm statement, John was enraged that someone could get that lucky so many times.

Mew floated off to the side, coming from the kitchen as he had gone to go get a drink in between games. “Is there nothing we can do?”

… The trio considered the question for a bit. Then, Celebi had a bright idea.

“There is something…” Celebi faced towards where the duo had been seen leaving the area. “JIRACHI, CAN YOU COME BACK?”

Jirachi floated around the corner. “Hey, what’s up.”

“Stay right there for a bit, I need you for something.”

As they loaded into the match, the trio looked at the kill feed, and… yep EindVictory was there again. But they had been playing well all night so they waited to do anything.

As predicted, the trio would come down to a three-way fight between EindVictory’s team, themselves, and a random third team that was still holding on. Shockingly, all three teams except EindVictory’s were holding on to their beds. This is when Celebi made her move.

“Jirachi, I wish that EindVictory had a rock fall on their head, wherever they are in real life.”

“Granted.”

EindVictory, who had been in the process of making a complicated jump, proceeded to miss and fall into the void without recovering.

With them out of the way, the trio cleaned up the remaining members of Eind’s team before taking down the other team as well, finally winning a match for the first time in about an hour.

Admittedly, John was concerned with the way they won that match. However, he couldn’t say he hated winning the match, even if the way they came about it wasn’t ideal. One player had seemingly gated them from victory for just over an hour on their own. Obviously, he would get frustrated, as would his partners. Winning that match was the perfect way to end it, and maybe they could look back on the day fondly later.

At the same time, he couldn’t help but wonder who that was anyway. 

__

Victini woke up from the sudden incapacitation he had experienced.

Admittedly, the circumstances were weird, and he lost that game because of it.

But today was fun. He played against a really good group of people over the past hour or two. They worked well together and it was clear they’d been playing for a long time.

Hopefully, he can play against them again someday.

Chapter Text

“Okay, so who did it?”

Celebi had the whole group gathered around the table, bar Jirachi. Mew looked around nervously, Manaphy took a sip from a bottle, looking deadpan, while John was less than impressed. 

“Did what, Celebi?”

“Simple: Who taught Jirachi to swear?”

All three gathered at the table flew into an uproar.

“What?”

“Who could’ve-”

“I’m going to make sure they drown a furious typhoon that shall slowly erase their soul from existence and-”

The three eyed Manaphy, concerned. She stopped mid-sentence, shrugging with a nervous smile as she backed up. 

“Well, I doubt it was Manaphy, and I doubt it was me-”

“Oh, so what about me then, Mew?”

“Well, John, you know who swears when they’re angry-”

“Oh, that’s rich. Do you remember the time you stubbed your toe on the table-”

Manaphy sighed, taking a swig of her drink, as she stood on the table. 

“Have either of you considered that neither of you did it?”
Both John and Mew blinked. 

“What do you mean?” 

Manaphy burped as she pointed at Celebi. Celebi recoiled, looking offended, as she looked increasingly concerned. She slammed her fist on the table, and as the group’s arguments continued, Tandemaus and Jirachi peeked around the corner, concerned. 

“Should we-”

Tandemaus shook his head. “Nah.” He motioned with his arm. “Come on, let’s go. I need to teach you this really cool word beginning with s that rhymes with pit.” 

“Yippee! I’m gonna fucking own this one!”

Chapter Text

Taking a trip to an amusement park with his merry band of mythicals who all rate under 2’01” might not have been the smartest idea.

John had simply wanted to enjoy something different, so on a nice three day weekend, he went and took the group a good five days away (which is made a lot easier due to teleportation) to go have fun. 

Celebi said she had a friend that she wanted to join, but they wouldn’t be here for a bit, leaving the group on their own for the time being. John, hoping to take advantage of the early hours, went to find an area that had a lot of options for the group.

On paper, this was a good idea. However, what John failed to account for was that telling a bunch of many-year old deities who have the maturity of children (at times) that they can’t ride some of the rides because they are too short… might not be as well thought out as he would have hoped.

Then John had the audacity to leave them alone for a bit (he needed to go to the bathroom).

So, naturally, they start planning.

“Mew, Manaphy, get over here!”

Manaphy arrived first “Hey Celebi. What do you want?” She was quickly followed by Mew.

“I have a cunning plan!”

… Mew looked off into the distance before speaking.

“Am I jumping the gun, Celebi, or are the words ‘I have a cunning plan’ marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation?”

A short pause struck the area for just a moment before Celebi resumed.

“I’m serious here. It can work!”

“I’m serious too.”

Manaphy butted in before the conversation could get heated. “Alright you bozos, calm down. Mew, Celebi hasn’t even said what her plan is so at least give it a chance.”

“... Alright, but whatever travesty ends up being committed I’m not supporting.”

“Thank you. Celebi, go on.”

“So, I was thinking…”

__

Fast forward thirty minutes later and somehow, someway, Mew was sitting on top of Celebi… who was sitting atop of Manaphy.

‘ How did I let myself get wrapped up in this? ’

Celebi’s “cunning plan” was that they made a large stack, with Celebi using psychic to increase stability, Manaphy doing the moving, and Mew concealing the trio with a human transformation... or at least part of one. Oh, right, and the conveniently-located miraculously-unused perfectly-sized trenchcoat they found (read stole).

He still didn’t support it, but by now he was too deep in to back out.

So as they approached the ride he continued to circle back to thinking about how he got here.

As the trio sat in the ride car, passed the rider check despite a mishap with the lap bar, and shifted out of the station.

…Manaphy flew out of the seat on the first drop.

The entire car heard Mew’s facepalm.

Chapter Text

After picking up Manaphy (and getting on the three for their “ingenious” idea), he went to the front to see if he could find Celebi’s friend. It had been about an hour since they entered the park, so he guessed that the remaining member of the party should have arrived by now.

Seeing an Orange mythical with a V-shaped crest zipping around was a good indication that he was right.

That same mythical zipping straight to Celebi and immediately wrapping her up into a bear hug upon seeing her was an even better indication.

“CELEBI! How have you been?”

Celebi broke free from the hug, before grasping Victini’s hands.

“I’m doing alright. And yourself?”

“I get to talk to one of my friends I haven’t seen in person in months. I’m doing great! Nevermind getting this whole amusement park out of it. Thank you, by the way.”

“Don’t thank me, thank him.” Celebi pointed over to the resident human, marking the first time Victini noticed the individual standing slightly to his left.

Victini flew right up to the human. “Hey, name’s Victini! Thank you for the ticket!”

“I’m John. Pleasure to make your acquaintance.” John held out hand for the mythical to take, which was quickly reciprocated.

Victini quickly sped around to the others, introducing himself.

“Alright with all of the pleasantries out of the way…” Victini quickly floated off in a seemingly random direction. “Come on, I wanna have fun. Let’s go go go!”

John and the others were not amused.

“... does he always do that?” Mew asked the only person here who knew Victini.

“Yeah. Don’t worry about it. He always comes back when he realizes he has no idea where he’s going. In fact, based on my calculations he should be here in about 3… 2… 1…”

“Ughhhh… hey guys, where are we supposed to be going again?” On queue, the Victini re-entered their area to a chorus of silence accompanied by deadpan stares.

…

“Guys?” Victini tried again.

John exhaustedly shook his head. “Follow me.”

__

John’s newest idea had them trying out some of the “skill-based” events. Most of them are rigged, but unlike a rollercoaster anyone can do them.

The first event was a basketball toss. Depending on how many hoops you made you would get more points. A small prize was one point, A medium was three, and a large prize was five points. In order to get the best prize, you had to shoot five balls in a row.

John went first in order to showcase what to do. Netting his first two shots before missing the next two, he landed the last one to give him 3 points, trading it in for a medium prize.

Celebi was interested so he allowed her to have a try. She scored her second-to-last shot but failed to score any others, so she only scored one point.

Then the wayward Victini wanted to give it a shot.

One basket.

Two baskets.

Three-Four-Five.

Victini, someone who has never thrown a basketball before, especially in a setting where you are not allowed to use psychic powers, shot five in a row, including a shot that swirled around the rim three times before settling in the net.

Victini took that plush with a smile.

__

On it went. The group would find a game, some of them would try it, and inevitably Victini would win it.

The water gun race was between Mew, Manaphy, and Victini. Mew had perfect accuracy the entire-time, with Victini slightly behind and Manaphy nowhere nearby.

Mew’s gun broke down at the end of the race and was unable to fire water, allowing Victini the win.

The Milk-bottle Pyramid? John knocked down six of the bottles, but the remaining two stayed steadfast. Victini? All of them first try.

All throughout the park, Victini was taking down events, all the while making small-talk in-between like he wasn’t doing something unheard of.

As Victini stepped up to the ring toss, he called out to his friend.

“Hey, Celebi.”

“Hmm?” Celebi perked up, before floating closer to him.

“You still play video games?” Victini threw his first ring, landing it on one of the bottles.

Celebi’s disappointment was palpable in the air they breathed. “Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh don’t get me started.”

Victini, seemingly concerned with the exaggerated response, probed further. “Is everything alright? We used to have a lot of fun together.” Victini followed by throwing another ring, also landing it on a slightly more difficult bottle.

Celebi sighed. “Just a bad reaction from the last time. Some guy named EindVictory just started trouncing us for an hour straight. It was honestly really aggravating.” Victini froze.

If John could be honest, Victini looked like he wanted to be anywhere else at the moment. He was looking around every few seconds and had gradually floated slightly away from the Celebi.

Celebi sighed once more before visibly calming down. “Sorry for the negative reaction. Actually, I have more free time now. If you want to play later, we can.”

Victini looked really shifty now. “Ah hah… yeah. I have a new account so I’ll need to add you on there. That’ll be no problem… right? Heh.. heh.”

“You ok Victini?” Celebi called out the Victini’s actions.

“HUH? YEAH I’M TOTALLY FINE NOTHING WRONG HERE NO NOPE NUH UH!” Victini was crossing his arms back and forth like a mad man.

Celebi didn’t seem to buy this one bit.

“...ok. If you’re fine, how come you haven’t thrown that last hoop yet.”

“Last hoop?” Victini looked down to the hoop still in his hand, seemingly remembering what he had been doing before that conversation started. “Oh. Right. Yeah that.” Victini seemingly haphazardly tossed the hoop as if he couldn’t be bothered with it. “See I threw the hoop. No issue.”

“Sure. We’ll go with that.”

Inexplicably, the final hoop landed perfectly on the hardest bottle to earn points on.

Because of course it would.

__

This went on for the rest of the day, with Victini ending up winning twelve total events. He gave away ten to the others, meaning everyone went home with two at the end of the day.

With everything settled, they went home.

Chapter Text

John was jolted awake as he was grasped at the neck by two tiny green arms. Celebi stared into his soul, wild panic on her face. 

“John! The temporal revenants are free of their prison and are going to destroy the Earth in the next twenty minutes! We need to hurry before they can consume the sun!”

John rubbed his eyes, yawning. “Temporal whatswhosit now?”

Celebi blinked, looking around, with realization dawning on her face. 

“Ohhhhh, I came too early. Woopsie daisy.”

“Celebi, what the heck are temporal-”

“Don’t worry about it, anywho, gotta dash, things to do, places to be, have fun, enjoy your present, do not let Jirachi try rice cakes. Say hi to the kids for me!”

“Say hi to the who!?”

Celebi had already fled through a time portal, and John plopped down on his bed, exhausted. He looked at his clock. It was four forty five in the morning. He groaned as he attempted, in vain, to go back to sleep.

Chapter Text

John picked through a boring breakfast, swirling around the rehydrated eggs on his plate and trying not to think of what Celebi had told him a few hours earlier. Failing too- "oh. Think of the devil." A sleepy Celebi took her place at the breakfast table, pouring out a copious amount of maple syrup into her cereal. "You're way too cryptic, don't you know?"

"Let me guess: time shenanigans." Celebi sat back smugly, assured of her predictive powers once again (and everything was always time shenanigans. It was like guessing the sky was blue, that Manaphy would be drunk, or Mew that was working on some abomination.) "Honestly, they probably just didn't want to spoil stuff. You think we're cryptic? Try finding something from the future that one of the boring legendaries has edited to make it all 'temporally safe' and 'not extant before it's regular time frame.'"

"Yeah, sure... I'm more worried about what she meant by 'the kids...' Which of us do you think is most likely to be a parent?"

Celebi choked on her cereal, spewing out maple syrup and oats. "Not it!"

And so once again their problems were pushed back to another day, unsolved. John dropped the thought with a groan, shoveling some bland, tasteless eggs into his mouth.

How typical.

Chapter Text

“Oh good gravy…”

“Oi, laddie, what's got you cursing in Galarian?” 

“Nothing, it's just… well…”

A crash came from the kitchen. Jirachi yelled an apology from afar, and John facepalmed. 

“Is it about… us?”

“Sort of… but not really.” He sighed. “I'm overdue on rent, and I can't pay it because I've had to cover for all of your repairs.” 

“I see.”

A knock on the door caused the pair to jolt, and John sighed, looking at Mew, before getting up to go and confront his landlord. 

As he opened the door, John was confronted by a horrifying sight.”

“H3110 J0HN.”

“I'm sorry, but what are you doing here?” 

A not so suspiciously disguised Iron Jugulis lay flying in the doorframe, covered by a trenchcoat.”

“ 1M C0V3r1N6 MY 80555 5H1F7. 7H3Y 607 51CK 4ND N0W 1M C0V3r1N6 F0r 3M. ”

“Couldn't you delay collecting any longer?”

“ 50rrY 8UDDY, rU135 4r3 rU135, ” He reached out an arm. “ C45H 17 1N .”

John panicked, strumming up the courage to admit the truth, but Mew flew in, dumping a large number of assorted coins into Jugulis's hand. 

“ 3XC3113N7! 7H4NK Y0U F0r 831N6 50 Pr0MP7… 411 7H3 07H3r5 Pr3V4r1C473 50 MUCH 17 M4K35 MY W1F3 100K F457.” He sniffled. “ 1 M155 H3r J0HN… 1 M155 H3r 4 107… 111 83 84CK. ”

Jugulis fled the scene, and John breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Thanks Mew, but where did you-”

“Jirachi.”

“Makes sense.”

The pair stood there in silence for a moment. 

“He summoned them in the wrong currency, didn't he?”

“If he didn't, I'd be eating a shoe right now.”

Chapter Text

Upon getting back home to the apartment, Celebi booted up her computer.

Now that she reconnected with Victini, she could finally play with her friend again after the last few months. Opening up luvdiscord, she noted that there was a red tick mark.

‘ Ok, he sent the friend request. Now let’s just open it up and- ’

On her screen, she had the message “EindVictory has sent you a friend request” laid out in front of her.

‘ Oh. You son of a- ’

Celebi quickly accepted the request before calling the Victini she now knew was on the other end.

‘ Come on. Pick up. I know you want to. ’ Celebi was waiting for the Victini to answer for his crimes against her win/loss ratio.

And then… he did.

Ba-dunk

“He heh. Hey Celebi. How are you doing?”

“...” Celebi remained silent, fuming where Victini couldn’t see her.

“Uhhhhh, beautiful weather, am I right?”

Still no response from Celebi.

“Celebi? Are we ok?”

And that broke the Camerupt’s back.

“ WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME YOU WERE EINDVICTORY YOU JERK!” Celebi screamed at her friend, getting a few week’s worth of righteous anger off her chest.

Victini promptly fell to the floor, despite both the chair and his powers of levitation.

“I’m sorry, there wasn’t a good time to say it.”

… Celebi, reluctantly, let it go.

“Ok. But you better make it up to me. That was an hour of distortion you jerk,”

“Will do. I’m sorry by the way.”

“Well I’m not.”

Victini, although he couldn’t be seen by the Celebi, tilted his head in confusion.

He promptly got a rock dropped on his head for the second time.

Chapter Text

Listening to the music on the radio was an important part of his day. It was oddly… relaxing, just to not have a care in the world and sit on the couch, listening to whatever the gods intended of him.

It became even more important to relax in this way now that two of the gods were present within his life. Also because Mew would not stop sleeping in the middle of the floor.

Hearing the songs on the radio made him realize how bad his vocal talent was. It wasn’t… terrible, per se. He just… had little-to-no range, lacked an ear for the proper tonal chords, couldn’t understand measure… Ok yeah he was terrible.

Didn’t change the fact that he would continue to sing.

“For you, I.. would… cross the line”

“I would waste my time”

“I would lose my mind-”

Click

…

' I must’ve missed Mew waking up in all of that. '

“Why’d you turn the music off?”

Mew calmly shook his head. “To be honest, because you suck.”

Now, a sane man would probably just take it. A worse man might make it a competition or try to fight the claim. John Wish was not either of those.

“Oh yeah? WELL I WISH I WAS A BETTER SINGER!”

…

( Did I really just do that? Why did I do that? )

…

“My sweet summer child… you really went there, didn’t you.” 

For a single moment, it appeared as though nothing had happened.

Maybe Jirachi wasn’t anywhere nearby.

‘ Maybe I’ll get out of this just fin- ’

John started screaming.

In an instant, his body erupted in sensations. It was a sensory overload. All of the nerves on his back felt like they had been pinched and overextended at the same time. His head pounded, his vision blurred, and he swore he could taste the blood in his mouth.

Despite this, certain feelings still called out to him over all of it. (His voice raised an octave)

He could feel his hair touch the floor behind him, despite it normally being relatively short. He, despite the blurry vision, noticed the change as if he was perceiving more . John could see small lines, tracing to and from objects all over the room. If he squinted hard enough, he could make out the TV, Mew’s computer, the Radio, and a few other objects.

…John’s balance was off. He struggled to stand. Reaching out to the table, he tried to grab onto it but missed. He attempted again. Another failure. Thinking about it, he couldn’t feel the fingers on his hands now. He… he did have fingers on his hand… right? Why can’t he feel them? And was the table always that high?

John, unable to grip the table, collapsed, with what used to be his hands flying in front of him. He felt… tired. (His voice grew more melodious by the second, not that he was aware of this.)

John, now lying on the floor, passed out.

__

‘ Ugh… what happened. ’

John had just woken up. Taking stock of his surroundings, a lot of things weren’t normal.

First off, he was lying on the ground. He can’t recall what he was doing beforehand, but he knows he has a bed and a nice pillow to sleep on, as well as a couch if someone were to be using that. Why was he sleeping in the middle of the living room.

Second, his hands weren’t the same. They were… rounder, lacking notable fingertips… or fingers at all really.

Third, his hair was green, as seen by the fragment splayed out in front of him. Not only was his hair not green before he slept, he definitely wouldn’t have been able to see it.

…

With no reason to lay on the ground John attempt to get up… but his legs felt unstable. He managed to raise himself to chest level before slipping, falling back on the ground whilst knocking against the table.

Evidently, the commotion was obvious enough where someone reacted.

“Jirachi, she’s up!” Mew yelled from outside of her vision, before turning to face… her? 

‘ Why did Mew refer to me by her? If I know anything, I definitely wasn’t female yesterday.’

John attempted to speak, before finding that he? No, she…simply couldn’t. It was like there was a mental block. She wanted to speak, and the words welled up in her throat… but they just didn’t come out.

“Hey John. Looking nice.”

Despite herself, a cry of indignation ripped from her throat. She hated that she couldn’t do more to defend herself.

“Feeling good about your decision now?”

John simply raised a hand to her throat before sliding it back and forth across the spot where her adam’s apple would’ve been.

“Oh, are you unable to speak now?” Mew smile felt predatory, before settling down to a more light-hearted grin.

“I’m going to guess that you want to know what happened. Right?”

She nodded.

“To put it simply, you were passed out for about an hour. I the others got worried but i figured you were just sleeping it off. Transformations, especially ones you aren’t used to, can do that to ya.”

John absorbed the information with no repeal, mainly cus she couldn’t repeal if she wanted to.

“You are now a female meloetta, and presumably one who is extremely gifted if your wish was anything to go by. I’ll leave you be, let you figure out what you signed up for. Ensure that they all know you are ok. Toodle-oo.”

‘ Welp. I kinda screwed myself there, huh.’

She took a few more minutes to get her bearings, before resuming attempts to speak. After some time, she managed to get a few syllables out, but anything more was taxing. 

Finding no success on that front, John moved on. She made the wish to sing, so she better be able to do that… and when she tried it worked like a charm. She sounded great… at least she felt she did. So that’s what she did for the rest of the day, sung to her heart’s content. Maybe it was a mistake to challenge a legendary to a battle of egos… but she quite enjoyed her newfound ability.

__

The next day

Waking up back in his human body, he prepared for the day before Mew came to speak to him.

“I hope that teaches you a lesson about not making a wish just to win an argument.”

… John turned his head away at the statement.

“I kinda liked it though…” John replied.

Mew turned his head towards John, tilting it like he was perceiving John in a new light.

“What was that, John?”

John refused to face Mew. “Nothing. Nothing at all.”

Mew, not accepting this refusal, floated to where John stood, tilting his head so that the two met eyes.

“What was that, John? I know you said something, I’m just asking what it was.”

John’s face turned a stark crimson.

“I SAID I LIKED IT OK.”

…

Mew let his proclamation sit there for a few seconds before replying.

“Thank you for cooperating.” He then floated back over to where he was sitting initially.

John would never live this down.

Chapter Text

“ Everyone ready?” Mew floated the last of his drum set into place with a precise telekinetic power, darting around the makeshift studio with one last bit of deft clumsiness before he landed firmly in his seat. “ That’s bloody everything for me, mates. ”

“ We’re ready!” Jirachi played a quick riff on his electric guitar, followed in turn by celebi and her chimes. Manaphy played a jazzy chord on the piano, which- warmup as it was- jarred atonally with the wish-giver’s electric enthusiasm. “ How about you, John?”

John tapped her microphone, then, voice lilting serene- “I’m ready.” If there was one benefit to being a meloetta, it was that her voice was always absolutely damn perfect. “And- a one, two, one two three go! ” 

Mew hit off a beat, Jirachi struck metal, and they jammed in synchronous harmonies and energetic melodies, breathless excitement burning bright. An upbeat tune, to match the exuberant joy of all and everything- and then almost too soon it was over. 

Mew slammed the cymbals one last time, laughing in tune to Celebi’s whoops of excitement. “ Woo! Now that’s the good stuff, innit?”

John grinned wildly. “Sure is.” She still had no idea if she’d ever get used to having the best voice out of the lot of ‘em- but for this, still riding the high of indie rock…

Yeah, she could get behind this.

Chapter Text

“Yo, John! Have you seen PokeTube recently!?”

John raised an eyebrow, confused. “PokeTube?”

“Oh.” Jirachi awkwardly twiddled with his fingers. “We, uh…did you not know that we uploaded it to the internet?”

John paled in horror. “You did WHAT -”

“Don’t worry about it, little missy.” Jirachi ruffled John’s hair. “Your singing is far from bad. In fact…” 

Jirachi teleported John’s phone in front of them. Jirachi opened the phone, and showed John the numbers on screen. Though they weren’t topping the charts, they had attained several thousand hits within only their first single. John’s eyes widened, shocked beyond belief.

“How do you know how to access my phone!?”

Jirachi sulked. “Of course that’s what you're focused on.”

“Well, look, I mean the numbers are good-”

“...And because of that…” Jirachi gave off his best Baby-Doll Eyes impression. “Can we please do another one?”

John shook his head. “Nope. Too much exposure for me.” 

“Come on, you were credited anonymously… and besides, you were having as much fun during our jam sessions as anyone.”

John turned around. “Look, Jirachi, no means no.” 

John continued sitting at his desk, writing off more paperwork, as Jirachi just hung there. An awkward silence pervaded between them, but unbeknownst to John, a mischievous smirk blossomed on Jirachi’s face. The wish granter looked closer at the phone, beginning to scroll downwards.

“Your lead singer has the voice of an angel… I haven’t heard anything that good anywhere else in the world!”

John raised an eyebrow as Jirachi carried on.

“Your lead singer may be anonymous, but she is simply the greatest thing to happen to music since the formation of The Maximizers! You guys easily have what it takes to hit it big!”

John had turned around fully now, sighing. “Jirachi, you must understand that trying to butter me up with comments isn’t going to work-”

“My Mudsdale can sing better than your lead singer when he has a bottle of Zinc down his throat. Pathetic-”

“Our next session is tomorrow. Be there or be square.”

John went back to his work, and Jirachi snickered. 

“Sounds good… Miss Aria .”

Jirachi flew off mischievously, and John continued to write, only for him to realize just what Jirachi had said. 

“Jirachi!? What was that name? Jirachi!? If you’re going to give me a name, at least have it be something cooler than-”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Jirachi strummed his guitar, letting the reverb echo through the air. Beside him, Celebi tittered next to her chimes. Mew prepped his drums, and Manaphy lazed about on her piano, waiting for the go ahead from their lead. John, back in Meloetta form, prepared herself mentally. 

“Alrighty boss, what are we doing?”

John turned to Mew. “Not much. I’ll sing, and you guys follow me lead.

Celebi cocked her head. “Bit spontaneous, isn’t it?”

John shrugged. “It worked last time.”

John got into position, bracing herself for the beginning of the song. After that, however, it flowed out as naturally as a river. Words and phrases came out without any thought, and the Mythicals behind her played alongside it almost perfectly, the words’s inflection almost perfectly tailored to their various instruments. 

The band had gotten into a groove, and by the time they had finished their song and given a celebratory fistbump, they had only just registered the sound of the door unlocking. Before any of them could hope to hide the evidence, a man walked into the room, and upon catching sight of the five assembled Mythicals, promptly fainted on the spot. Mew flew over to him, lightly prodding him in the cheek, as he turned to the others.

“I think he’s dead, lads.”

“No he isn’t!”

John flew hovered over to him, looking him over. She would recognize him anywhere. 

“Shoot!” A single disharmonious note pitched her otherwise song-like voice. “I invited him over earlier, to relax, but I must have forgotten about it…” 

“So now what?”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Aster got up from the ground, dazed and confused. He couldn’t quite remember much about what had knocked him out, but it must have been something shocking all the same. As his vision cleared, he found his friend, John, hastily motioning at something out of his field of view. He grunted, and John looked back between where he was staring and Aster, eventually rushing over to Aster.

“Oh, hey bud, you alright?” 

Aster rubbed his head. “Ugh… yeah. I didn’t miss much, did I? What happened?”

“Oh, uh…” John paled, sweat dripping down his face. “No, you didn’t miss much. You kind of just knocked out the moment you got here. Must have been tired, huh?”

“Yeah… must have been.”

“So… you still down for some games?”

Aster smiled. “You bet. Being knocked out ain’t gonna stop me from being on my A-Game.”

As the two men walked over to the games console, four Mythicals and a very obtuse drum set conspicuously hid in a very cramped storage closet, struggling to keep the drums from falling out of the closet. As the two people in the room began to boot up a tournament of games, the four of them sighed in disdain, knowing full well that they were going to be stuck there for a long time. 

Chapter Text

Waking up after a lazy morning was a wonderful feeling. It’s peaceful, and you get a real understanding of how your day is going to go.

Crash

John walked over to the window. Life goes by quickly, so you need to take moments to slow down. Really enjoy the space you live in.

SLAM

…

John opened the window. He felt the sun on his face, the wind rushing through his ears, the light shining in his eyes. He took a deep breath in, filling him with a sense of serenity. Really nothing could break him out of this wonderful feel-

WHUMP

…

BANG

…

SMASH

‘ Alright, that does it. ’

Calmness broken, John walked out of his bedroom, through the hallway and into the living room… if it could be called that anymore. The couch had been flipped over, impacts lined the walls, even the part of the kitchen that was divided by a wall now featured an opening that looked like an individual got sent straight through the wall.

John noticed that both Manaphy and Jirachi were sitting around, leaving two probably offenders-

As he made that observation, Celebi flew right in front of his face as if struck. Looking into the hole into the kitchen (a hole that looked one fairy-shape wider now), he saw Mew, staring at the fairy with contempt.

‘ Alright, I’ve gotta do something about this. ’

“Jirachi, I wish that this room would restore itself to how it was before I went to sleep.”

“OK!”

As Jirachi’s powers worked their magic, John approached Celebi before picking her up whilst signaling the Mew to come closer.

“What’s going on here? Why must I wake up to everyone getting slammed into walls and the apartment a total mess?”

“He/She started it!” Was the first thing the two said. John could see Celebi giving this response, but the Mew who is a scientist and probably holds a degree somewhere? Really?

“That’s not what I was asking and both of you know it. WHY ARE YOU TWO FIGHTING?”

They at least had the decency to look properly chastised before Mew spoke up.

“Celebi took the last cookie in the cookie jar.”

John took in the reactions of everyone else in the room. Jirachi looked affronted by this claim, as if he thought it was his birthright. Celebi looked ready to fight the claim, which made sense considering the fight that happened earlier. Manaphy… hmmmmmm.

“No, I didn’t! I haven’t been over to that jar in days and now you start blaming me?”

“Yes, I’m blaming you because you are the only one capable of taking the last cookie. I HAD DIBS ON THAT COOKIE YOU ABSOLUTE TOSSER.”

“YOU TAKE THAT BACK YOU-” Was the last thing said before Celebi lunged at Mew… getting into a cat fight rather than the all-out brawl taking place shortly beforehand.

Then Jirachi joined in with a “I HAD DIBS ON THE COOKIE, NOT YOU.”

At least they were no longer breaking the apartment.

John simply walked over to the remaining occupant, allowing those three to have their fun.

…

“So, it was you, correct?”

Manaphy provided a healthy dosage of silence in response.

So John pressed further. “You were the one that took the last cookie, weren’t you?”

And Manaphy, the smug little bastard, reaches slightly to her left into a paper towel that was lying on the seat. Unfolds it, and starts eating the cookie that everyone else was fighting over.

“You are a right piece of shit, you know that?”

Manaphy smiled.

Chapter Text

John can’t believe he’s doing this right now.

‘ I need to stop letting myself get pushed around so easily. ’

Ever since that first video of the band was released, more and more people grew interested. What started as a video that most overlooked turned into a small occult following. Comments on the videos would be a mix of rabid fans seemingly screaming into the texts, suspicious conspiracy theorists wondering where the group came from, and some… concerning individuals that make him shake inside his skin. The less thought about those the better.

Despite their minor following, most individuals thought the scene was faked. Whether they were simply people in costumes, AI tampering changed the individual's looks, or the entire performance was ripped from somewhere else. Most were not willing to believe that a group of 5 mythicals just… got together and started a band somewhere, whilst making a really good song for their first official track.

(Technically they were right, since it was 4 mythicals and a human-turned-mythical, but who's counting?)

Mew was admittedly not too happy about being called a fake, so he devised the “perfect plan” to fix the issue. The plan? Have John do a livestream as Aria the Meloetta (a name he’d never fully get used to but he could live with it) so that people would see that they were real.

Of course, John would protest about getting put in front of the world for hours just so that Mew could deal with a hit to his self-image, but the others pointed out that he was the only one who knew how to operate a set-up in today’s environment. Therefore, it had to be him.

A lot of pre-planning had gone into this. Getting stream overlays to work, donations properly set up, ordering stream emotes of the band, soundproofing his walls, ordering a separate microphone for the room, and getting the required software and accounts created. Just for a single stream to save Mew’s ego.

So here he was, set up in his bedroom transformed studio with a porygon-assisted Broadcaster Software, transmitting to popular streaming platform “Priori.tv” with the “Starting Soon!” screen displayed. He had created a new account aptly named “AriaOfYourSoul'' and Mew and Celebi saw it fit to advertise the account’s creation, meaning that at the very least the occult followers would be there, if nobody else. There were already a good hundred viewers in the stream, and it hadn’t even officially started yet.

But at this point, all he could say was that he was nervous. It was one thing to have something uploaded after the fact, but he was going to be interacting with people other than the mythicals and having to hide everything that was weird about his life all the while.

‘ Well now I’m just procrastinating, I’m way too deep into this now… WHY exactly do I listen to them again? ’

Moment of respite out of the way, John allowed the transformation to flow over him. Timed seemed to stop for about a minute as his body gradually reconstituted itself to a different form. Hair lengthened and changed colors, eyes enlarged, arms and legs morphed. By the time everything was over, she opened her eyes, took a miniscule breath, and started the show.

“HEEEEEEEEEEEELO Everyone. Welcome to the show! This is my first time streaming so I shall introduce myself here. My name is Aria, I AM a Meloetta, and I’m the lead singer of Mythics and the Music! I hope you are all doing well… now LET’S GET THIS PARTY STARTED.”

__

It was a hit.

The first thirty minutes was enough for most skeptics to believe that she was the real deal. So much so that by the first hour mark, viewership had risen from 400 to hover just over 5k as everyone seemed to realize that this was a real thing. By the cut-off time 3 hours in the numbers had fallen back down to a more reasonable 2.3k, which John estimated is around where most future streams would end up.

Donate $10 dollars, your song gets added to an upcoming poll. Whichever song gets chosen, Aria sings it. Donate $25 dollars, your song gets priority. The system seemed to work, and helped the band garner even more of a following then it had before, as well as quelling the doubts of those who believed the act was fake. I mean, you can’t just… program every song into a robot, and an AI would’ve had a critical mistake at some point. It was enough proof for all except the most insane conspiracy theorists to believe.

Added benefit, it turns out that a talking and singing pokemon brings in quite the fanbase, and a lot of people ended up subscribing and some even chose to support directly, bypassing the 70/30 split.

However, it was what happened after the stream that really changed everything.

#AriaTheMeloetta went viral on Flutter, Klink-Klang, and PokeTube, as if the world couldn’t stop talking about it. The music video gained hundreds of thousands of views while a dedicated group of individuals had already started posting clips of the first stream. Some even had full videos of portions of the stream when Aria had sung a well-liked song. Meanwhile Flutter was buzzing with people expressing their disbelief and Klink-Klang was mostly reactors playing up.

It wasn’t bad… but it did make John scared to go out in public ever again knowing how many people were looking at him. He had, in one stream, effectively become a public figure just because he can sing well.

He didn’t really know how to feel about that.

All in all, the group had just made a decent amount of money, saved Mew’s ego, and cultivated a large following. All that was lost was a small portion of John’s sanity.

Chapter Text

Making a platform is easier than it may have been a few years ago.

John would tell you that it is still the most difficult thing he’s done.

Ever since becoming the singing sensation Aria, he’s had to build social accounts on multiple platforms, actively manage it, interact with fans, and maintain anonymity. Then he ended up opening a new can of worms when starting that stream. Now he’s dedicating one day a week for a stream of vocal practice, fan interaction, or other things. It’s become a lot more of a hassle than he could’ve ever expected.

To be fair, it’s not all that bad if he’s being honest. Fans have been surprisingly well-behaved, bar the… obvious exceptions. It’s the internet, no fanbase is going to be perfectly content. Despite how he acts at times, being Aria does make him feel nice and he loves to sing. Even the streams have been able to be modified to be more in-tune with his likes. Sometimes he’ll do a gaming stream (and wasn’t it painful to learn how to use a controller with the mittens that replaced his human hands) with other members, other times are chatting with viewers, and the last type of stream being the normal singing streams. All in all he’s managed to work out a decent system.

That doesn’t make it any less work to manage.

So, at the behest of a surprisingly concerned Jirachi and a not-so surprisingly concerned Manaphy, he made a call. Thankfully, he knows a place that does financial management very well.

If he’s going to be benefitting from the agreement, why not help out people who have taken good care of him.

__

Ring ring ring

Ring ring ring

Ring ring-

“Hello hello, this is Walker Financial, how may we help you today?”

“Good afternoon. I wish to inquire about getting a team of financial advisors.”

“Yes ma’am. We have two options. Either you can pay a flat fee up front, or a variable fee based on how much we manage. The flat fee will typically start around $2,000 whilst the variable fee is around one percent of whatever we manage. What are you interested in?”

“... I think the variable fee would be better for my current plans.”

“Ok then, based on the fact that you asked for a team, we typically offer three or five man teams for new customers. Each team member would take one percent, but more team members would allow us to better split responsibilities. Which would you prefer?”

“I’ll take the three person option, if that’s alright.”

“That is perfectly fine. If you could please hold while I go contact a manager so that they can finalize any details and assign you a team. Please note that you may have to come in depending on the scope of the job.”

__

Jack Costa, one of the managers at Walter Financial, was chilling in his office when one of the assistants knocked on the door.

“Come in.”

The assistant walked in, stating that she had a potential buyer on the line inquiring about a team of advisors. She handed him the folder with all information given already on it, before heading back out the door.

‘ Interesting… best not to keep a buyer waiting. ’

Making his way down to the office floor, he picked up the phone in order to resume the negotiations.

“Hello, this is Jack Costa, manager speaking. Who do I have the pleasure of speaking with today?”

“Afternoon, sir. My name is Aria.”

He felt like he recognized that name from somewhere, but couldn’t tell where exactly from.

“I’d like to sign a team of advisors with you. I presume you’ve received a folder with my requests by now, correct?”

‘ ...interesting. She did her research. ’

“Yes, I have. Now, like it says there I was hoping to get a team of three on a variable rate if possible.”

“We can certainly do that for you. I’ll just need you to come in and sign some papers. When within the next week can you come in?”

“I should be free on Friday around 3 PM. Does that work for you?”

“Works for me… pardon me, but I swear your voice sounds familiar. Should I know you from somewhere?”

The individual on the other side of the phone burst out laughing. A good fifteen seconds passed before she finally started to die down.

“Ma’am?”

“Sorry, sorry. Just wasn’t really expecting that if I’m being honest… know that singing group of Pokémon going around right now? I’m the lead singer.”

“...” Jack was dumbfounded. This was suddenly a lot more important, he hadn’t even realized he was speaking to a figure as big as her. But, it seemed like she didn’t even realize how big she had gotten herself if she wasn’t expecting the question.

“Alright Friday at 3 PM. Anything else you need, sir?”

… Dead silence.

“Sir?”

“No. That works. Have a great day ma’am.”

Hanging up the phone, Jack simply sat down, shook to his core. That was one of the biggest sales in his career and he didn’t even know it was occurring till it was practically over. He could’ve completely screwed it up and been none the wiser… but somehow it worked out.

Now, who to put on the team. Typically, you would want to pick a lead first and then go from there, but most of the experienced guys wouldn’t want to take a responsibility like this.

However, there is one person who has been surprisingly capable recently, and has good chemistry with many of the other members of the company… he just might work.

Time to write the sheet out.

__

Going into work the next day, John was a little concerned. He had gotten an email from his manager to report to his office immediately. This happens every now and then, but normally it isn’t accompanied by Sam stopping him in the middle of the hallway. 

“Yo. John. Have you heard yet?”

“Heard what? I just got here and have to go to the manager’s office.”

“Ahhhhhhhhhh. I see. Just swing by my area after, capiche?”

“Alright then.”

Making his way to the manager’s office, he knocked before entering, sitting across from the man.

“Ah John. Just the man I wished to see.”

Letting out a groan, he looked up at the ceiling in despair over the eternal nature of age-old joke. Despite himself, he couldn’t help but let a smile come to his face. If jokes were being cracked it was going to be a good meeting.

“Ha ha, very funny. Now, why have you brought me here today?”

“I just wished to inform you of your new job. You are going to be the head of a new team consisting of you, Sam, and Cheryl.”

Now despite having made the call the previous day, John had not put two and two together.

“Thank you for the position. Who might this be in charge of?”

“Have you heard of Aria?”

…

‘ YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. ’

Chapter Text

“Hey John!” Samantha’s voice rang out from the cell phone.

“Hey Sam, what’s up?”

“I know it’s your day off tomorrow, but we’re having our first meeting with Aria. You know, the Aria ? God, I don’t even know why she picked us. Sure, maybe she wasn’t signing with a huge team, but we are still a relatively small company in Rustboro. Most up-and-coming stars pick companies in Lilycove or Slateport if not just move out to those areas entirely. I don’t know why she would choose to come here.”

John knew exactly why Aria had chosen to use this group, just like he knew exactly why Sam was so excited about the opportunity, especially after hearing her gush over Aria for a week after the first song, and that love only built after each new release.

“We may never know why, but I presume that’s not why you’re calling, is it?”

“C’mon John. Are you telling me you don’t want to see her? She hasn’t shown herself in person to anyone! This is a dream come true!”

Unfortunately, those two facts were currently clashing with each other. Previously, he had implied to Sam that he liked Aria’s music if only to get her off of his back in the past. It could raise questions if someone who likes her music wouldn’t want to go see her, especially with how illusive she typically is.

“I had already made plans Sam. But I’ll see if I can reschedule.”

“Alright, contact me when you do.”

“Will do. Besides that, how are you doing?” The conversation moved on from the previous topic, but John couldn’t help but feel dread.

How will he get himself out of this one?

__

Now having to figure out a way to be in two places at the same time, there was only one option.

“Hey Mew.”

“What’s up?”

“Can I get you to transform into Aria for the meeting? Sam might get suspicious if I’m not there.”

“Well bloody hell mate, didn’t think this one through did ya?”

Sigh … “No, no I didn’t.”

Mew shook his head good-naturedly, “Of course I’ll help ya, ya bloke. Meetings tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah. Thanks for the help.”

“No problem mate.”

__

John was waiting in the prescribed meeting room with Sam and Cheryl. Sam would be leading the initial financial inquiry, Cheryl would be responsible for building a profile, and John was simply there to ensure everything went well and provide oversight in case of a conflict.

To be honest, there was no way anything could go wrong. Sam was practically bouncing on her feet waiting for Aria’s arrival whilst Cheryl was sneaking glances at the door every few seconds. Neither of them would want to mess this up.

Looking at the clock, John noticed the time and realized that Mew would be making his way up shortly.

“Sam, calm yourself. I know this is your idol, but remember we’re supposed to be professional. At least for the first meeting. Once we get to know them then you can drop the walls, capiche?”

Samantha visibly steeled herself, before turning to John, folder in hand. “Got it.”

Cheryl also looked calmer than before, yet she still looked somewhat flustered. Regardless, she opened her computer and pulled up the necessary files.

Then they received a knock on the boardroom door.

“Come in!”

The disguised Mew floated into the room.

“Good Evening, Aria. My name is John and I’ll be the head of your financial team going forward.”

A smile formed on the faux-Meloetta’s face. “As you already know, I am Aria. I wished to support a financial institution nearby, and this place had outstanding reviews if I’m being honest. Off-topic, but I had been told you weren’t going to be here today. What changed?”

John smirked. “I wanted to put the right food forward and meet you in person. However, as the plan had already been made the others will be in charge of the proceedings today, I will just be in charge of oversight. Speaking of…” Signaling to Samantha on his left, “The one holding the folder is Sam. She will be in charge of initial inquiries today.” 

“Nice to meet you, Aria. My name is Samantha, but you can call me Sam if you wish.”

“It is nice to meet you as well, Sam.”

Over there,” John signaled towards the computer, “behind the computer is Cheryl. She will be in charge of the profile and investment management.”

Cheryl peeked out from behind the computer. “H- Hi. I’m Cheryl. I w- will be in charge of the profile today.”

‘ Cheryl, get yourself together. ’ John thought, hoping that nothing would come of it.

“Nice to meet you, Cheryl.” Mew said. Then, because he’s a little bastard, Mew (as Aria) winked at Cheryl.

“EEP-” Cheryl quickly ducked back behind the computer, but not quickly enough to where the other occupants of the room weren’t able to see the faint blush that now coated her cheeks.

‘ Oh for the love of all Arceus has created. ’

John would say he did well not to facepalm at that moment.

__

Barring that moment, the rest of the meeting went by in a breeze. With John and Aria having now officially met, and Sam thrown off for the time being… Hopefully, he will be able to relax a little bit more.

But for now… 

It was time to sleep.

Chapter Text

There was a lot to be said about paperwork. It was boring, yes, but sometimes a bit of boredom was all she needed in life. Those little things, the minuscule pleasures of mundane work that made her job even remotely bearable- like her current efforts, for example. John had been remarkably pleased to realize that the diminutive stature of her meloetta form made filling out certain pieces of paperwork (most of the office had an agreement to thoroughly beat whoever had ordered paper with point six point font) much easier…

Plus, there was always the irony of filling out forms for herself. The entire team was going to throw a legendaries damn celebration when ‘Aria’ got back to them with word that they didn’t need to change anything. The most tedious part of the work, entirely avoided.

She nibbled at the colbur berry she’d gotten earlier, delighting a bit in how different the sour flavor tasted as a pokemon, idly filling out- “John?” 

She flinched at the voice, pen dragging a jagged line through the paperwork- but ruining half an hour of work was the furthest thing from her mind. She knew that voice. Knew it so intimately well, heart skipping a beat in stunned shock- because that voice wasn’t supposed to be here. Wasn’t supposed to be on this side of Hoenn .

A breath, shuddering- the sound of even that ragged exhale impossibly lyrical as she let her pen drop. She was a meloetta right now- all she had to do was pretend to be Aria! If she was here, then she was here for something specific- and if she couldn’t find John then she’d probably just leave.

John steeled herself anyways. She hated her mother.

“John? Where are you? I just need to ask you a few questions.” Her fears were confirmed as her mother stepped up into the living room. She was the very model of an average woman, thoroughly unremarkable but for her cruelty so well hidden. Her gaze skipped across the room, sharp this time, undulled by apathy or unfocused rage… cognizant in that piercing way that made her viciousness purposeful and personal both. It raced over everything, ultimately setting on her . “Oh, there you are John!” And in that she knew her mother knew .

“Get out .” The sheer vitriolic rage in her voice surprised even her, twisted melodic by her voice into something sharp and dark . “Legendaries damn you! Get out of my house or I’m calling the police. You just have to ruin everything , don’t you? Leave. ” That last word was more than just words , sound twisted into the move round lashing out and slamming her mother back against the wall with enough force to make the wall shudder. 

That shocked her out of her anger- but a not insignificant part of herself took a bit of perverse pleasure in the act. Her mother had always been such a… domineering force, it was kind of odd to think that as a pokemon now she couldn’t do anything to her anymore. She was just a human, and John was not.

Groaning, her mother picked herself up off the floor, pouting at John- who frowned in turn. Her mother did not pout . Scowl, sure, but she didn’t pout like that… but before she could parse the oddity of it all, her form warped, melting like wax until a little pink cat hovered there instead. “ Bloody hell mate, why’d you come off so strong . It was just a bit of humor! ”

So her mother hadn’t flown across Hoenn to bother her… she sighed in relief, then glared at Mew. What a mess…

She hit him with round again. That’d teach him not to play such mean pranks.

Chapter Text

“Alright, lights are a go, sound systems are working… let’s go rock this thing!”

John mentally braced herself. It was nothing big, only the biggest audience she had ever performed in front of in her life. This wasn’t like the internet where she could pretend no one was there: Everyone was watching her, right in front of her. 

“You alright Johnny boy?”

Jirachi floated over, sitting next to her. He gleefully smiled. 

“You’re looking rather glum right now, and I already have enough to deal with between trying to stop Manaphy from drinking and Mew from causing another Mewtwo incident, so let’s cut this problem off before it festers a ton, alright?”

“Well…” John sighed. “It’s just nerves, is all.”

“Yeah, I getcha.” Jirachi rubbed his stomach. “Me and my eye are getting all nervous just thinking about it.”

“You and your… eye?”

“But as I was saying…” Jirachi rose up, twirling in mid-air. “We gotta make this a good show, and if not for them, then for us. So take my advice: Focus on one person. Act as if you’re performing for them while focusing on everyone. That’s my go-to.”

“Well… what if I disappoint-”

“I’m gonna cut you off right there. You got booked into the biggest venue in the region in front of a sold-out audience for a reason, John, and it’s not because you’re a Meloetta.”

John remained silent, and Jirachi flew over to her, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“Now, any other worries, or are we gonna crush this show?”

“Well… there is one thing.” 

“Yeah?”

John pulled back a curtain, and Aster’s unconscious body plummeted onto the floor in a slump. Jirachi blinked as he watched John’s unamused disappointment. Jirachi sighed.

“I’ll call a stretcher.”

---------------------------------------------------------------

“And now, for the first time ever, in front of a live audience… please welcome… The Mythics and the Music!”

The crowd cheered, and the band of five Mythicals all walked on stage. The moment the cheers died down, the band set to work. 

“And a one and a two and a three and a go!”

The songs kicked off without skipping a beat. The crowd went wild, as did the Mythics, and by the time intermission kicked in, the five of them were in a heap, piled on the floor with reckless abandon. 

Of course, they had no respite, for not even half an hour later, they were back at it, with John’s voice echoing through the crowd while the music was amplified by the venue’s sound systems. John took Jirachi’s advice, focusing on one individual, who ended up being a person she literally couldn’t distract herself from, because Giratina really wasn’t that subtle. 

Still, she noticed quite a crowd of people. She saw some familiar faces from Rustboro, and from the back, she saw a group of highly excitable Pokemon holding signs cheering on Manaphy. She hadn’t had the time nor the energy to ask her about it, but he heard Manaphy muttering something about “those guys,” so John had decided it might be best to let Manaphy handle whoever they were.

There were other people too, some for Jirachi, others for Mew… some of them had gotten very into it, even donning full outfits cheering them on. It was a bit much for John, though she was mostly distracted from that by the fact that Mew would not stop stroking his ego for weeks the moment they got back. 

As the last note poured out, the audience ruptured into cheers once again. John and the others gave their bows, and as they exited the stage, John felt… content. 

She could live with this. 

Chapter Text

John was woken up after hearing a crash from somewhere in the house.

Making his way to the sound, he eventually located it coming from the living room, where Celebi was... floating frantically? He got closer to hear what she was saying.

"Oh shoot, bit early. Tia's gonna kill me for this-"

"What-"

She startled, fixing her eyes on John.

He watched her visibly calm down, before she flew right into his face spouting questions but not giving him time to answer. 

"What concert are you on? Where's Jirachi at? How is the family?"

“Uh I just finished my first- wait what do you mean by family,  I moved to rustburo to get away-“

“No not them.” Celebi’s eyes widened for a moment before she shook with barely constrained laughter. “Oh. Oh. We're at that point in the timeline. Hooooo boy, things are about to go off the rails buddy."

She turned to leave, then paused-

"Pro tip, keep Jirachi away from the corn muffins. Alrighty, byeeeeee-"

...

John, fixed to the spot in his confusion, watched as another Celebi floated in.

Said Celebi proceeded to also look at the spot where the other Celebi left from.

...

"Did I just hallucinate that?"

"If you did, then I'm honored to be a part of your subconscious thoughts."

...

"What... what was that?"

"...I wish I knew."

Chapter Text

“So as I was saying, Tandy, your liver is looking remarkably fine today.”

Tandemaus didn’t know where he was, he didn’t know who this Pokemon was, and he could honestly care less about whatever “dating practice” this whole thing was. Tandemaus just wanted to get out of here, and if it meant going through this “Mew,” then so be it. 

“Uh… yours too, I guess?”

“Man…” Mew looked up at the ceiling fondly. “I remember when I first invented the liver.”

“Huh?” 

“Arceus said let there be light, but boy, did he forget to tell me not to play in the primordial ooze at the dawn of time.” 

“Mew, you can’t just invent the liver. Everyone is born with one.”

“You’re welcome.” 

“And besides, you have one too.”

“No I don’t.”

“What?”

“What?”

The two paused, staring at each other, but Mew quickly shattered the silence, snickering. 

“Anyways, as I was saying… oh yeah, now that was a day. There were a few false starts, but I perfected it in the end…” 

Tandemaus had a sneaking suspicion he wasn’t going to be free anytime soon. 

Chapter Text

With all the other mythicals off doing their own thing, John felt somewhat confident in inviting Samantha over. He hoped- not wished, never wished- that nothing would go wrong, but even if one of the others came back early she already knew about the mythicals he roomed with. It’d be fine…

He pulled the sour poffins out of the oven just as the doorbell rang, flicking the oven mitts onto the table and rushing downstairs. “Samantha! Glad you could make it!”

She stepped into the house, her absol following along behind her. “Seems like the troupe’s gone, thank… Arceus? Please tell me you’re not roommates with god.”

“No, just the ones you saw last time-“

They barely made it up the steps before the absol stumbled, keening in pain. “Kibby! What’s wrong?” Samantha knelt beside her, prying her head from beneath her paws and running a soothing hand down her fur. “I’m so sorry, she’s not usually like this-“

“ Ow. Owowow. Did you put bone hurt juice in my breakfast or- ow! Something? ” The part-time meloetta shifted uncomfortably and pretended not to understand Kibby as she flinched in pain and slowly pushed herself to her feet. “ Damn. Ow. That’s the worst bit of disaster sense I’ve ever had. ” She pawed imploringly at Samantha’s legs. “ Can we get out of here please , mom?” 

Samantha looked conflicted for a moment, but Kibby’s cuteness was too much to resist. “Sorry, John. I know you were looking forward to this…” she sighed, descending the steps. “Maybe some other time, when Kibby’s on shift?”

“No, that’s fine! I don’t need to be here- we can go to the cafe down the street instead.” No poffins, but coffee was just as good.

“The one that’s about as overpriced as our paychecks are small?”

Kibby nodded- disaster sense as ever detecting the incoming impoverishment- “I’ll pay.” Samantha blinked in surprise, then laughing, the two friends and sole absol walked together down the street to get some overpriced coffee.

Chapter Text

A visit to the museum was just what John needed. Work had been hitting harder than usual, mainly since he was filing work for his own band , but at the very least, it meant he got the free time to do things like this. 

It was just a shame that having Mythicals as roommates threw a wrench in any sense of the word free time. 

“Oh wow! I remember when that happened! Some guy wanted the room to warm up, so I granted his wish and then some!”

“Jirachi, that’s The Great Fire of Galar, mate.”

Jirachi nostalgically smiled. “I said what I said.”

John, with Jirachi, Mew, and Celebi, were at the museum, hoping for some attempt at a good time without chaos. Though Manaphy couldn’t come for whatever reason, John had a feeling Manaphy being there would somehow make the whole thing worse.

Celebi sniffed the air, flinching as if smelling something pungent. She turned back to the others, disappointed.

“We’re about to have to deal with Ms. Ego again, brace yourselves.”

A rip in time appeared in front of them, and from it came Pinky, who boastfully posed in front of it with a twirl. The group looked unimpressed, and the museum workers behind them all began scrambling about, bracing themselves to have to deal with this again.

“Behold, it is I, back with my most dastardly trap yet!” 

Jirachi rolled his eyes. “What are ya gonna do, talk me to death with a speech?”

Pinky slyly smiled. “No, actually, I believe actions speak louder than words.”

Pinky fluttered a few paces back, smashing her fist into a part of the wall, revealing a lever hidden inside of it. She smirked.

“You see, I went back in time, and I bribed the architect to add this lever here, which, when used, will open a wormhole into another dimension! I shall send you all catapulting to your doom, and nothing shall stop me!” 

Pinky maniacally cackled as she yanked down the lever. A loud noise blared, and suddenly, out of nowhere, a portal opened. Unfortunately for Pinky, the portal opened directly behind her. 

“You fool, Pinky.” Celebi put a hand to her forehead, proudly smirking. “Did you really think I wouldn’t predict that?” 

“Curses!” Pinky tried to fly against the portal’s tug. “I knew I shouldn’t have skimped on time traveling for this plot!” She sighed. “I just wish I captured at least one of you in this.”

Everyone in the room paled as they turned to find Jirachi, suddenly motionless, wagging his finger. A second later, Jirachi had vanished. The group turned to the ceiling to find Jirachi and Pinky into the portal, which snapped shut behind them a moment later. 

A thick silence hung over the group for several moments, but before anyone could do anything, a portal suddenly opened up beneath their feet, and out of the portal and into John’s arms flew Jirachi and Pinky, fiercely clinging onto each other. 

The pair looked around, blinking, before breathing a shared sigh of relief. 

“Finally… we made it back here.”

“And we defeated the Ear of Torment without needing to destroy the Holy Eye!”

“I’d say we did a job well done, sis!”

“You betcha bro!”

The pair high-fived, before stopping to look at the others. Pinky awkwardly eyed the others, before fluttering off.

“Well… I’m going to get out of your hair.” Pinky pointed at Jirachi. “You still owe me that visit to the diner.” She winked. “Best of luck, little bro.”

Pinky opened up a ripple in time, leaving the scene, and not even a moment later, Mew had Jirachi by the throat.

“ What happened?”

Jirachi rubbed his head. “Well, uh…” He chuckled nervously. “We may have spent… three hundred and twelve years fighting the Tantalus Devastation in the Septic Vault.” 

Mew blinked, his grip loosening slightly. “You what mate?”

“I’d explain, but…” Jirachi yawned. “Condensing all of that into a speech is boring , and I’m sleepy. I’m gonna take a nap, bye-bye.”

Jirachi drifted off to sleep, and the three of John, Celebi, and Mew just looked at each other, not quite registering what they had just heard. 

“We all mutually agree to never speak of this again, correct?”

“Agreed.”

Chapter Text

It was a late night.

The occupants of the household were all gathered up on the couch, watching a movie in the spirit of the season. John would say that watching a short horror film in the dark with friends around you is the best thing to do on Halloween. Really gets everyone into the atmosphere.

However, it also means that when a soft glow starts coming from a part of the house that John knew no one was in (since all five of them were currently on the couch) he quickly grew concerned.

“Uhmmmm… does anyone know why something’s glowing over in the kitchen?”

Mew shook his head.

Celebi gave a quiet but resounding “No.”

Manaphy shrugged (for once the little devil wasn’t drunk and actually coherently responded to something).

…and Jirachi was asleep, so he couldn’t respond. Somehow, John got the feeling he would’ve said no anyways.

“Alright. I’m going to check it out. Can one of you come with?”

“Nope.” Celebi said.

“Nah mate.” Came from Mew.

…

“Sure, why not.”

“Of cours- wait what?” John had to make sure he understood that correctly.

“I’ll come with you, it might be interesting.” Manaphy said as if this was a completely normal and usual occurrence, before approaching John and signaling to get placed on top of his shoulders. Meanwhile, John was wondering if Manaphy accidentally body-swapped herself with someone else, and if so where the real Manaphy is.

“Alright. Mew, Celebi, we’re going.”

And so, John and Manaphy made the dangerous trek. For it was the dead of night in the middle of the month of horror. Who knows what might lay around every turn. They must not rest until they reach their destination, come friend or foe they must be on their guard. Always keeping their head on a swivel and… they were already there.

Ok, maybe the horror month was getting to John. He might actually be going insane.

Pushing that thought into the forever box, John looked at the glow emanating from the middle of the kitchen.

When he first started looking, there wasn’t an indicator of where it was coming from, just an ephemeral glow spreading from the middle of the room. John was about to leave until he noticed that the room was seemingly… moving.

Now that he was looking a little bit closer, John noticed that the epicenter seemed to almost force reality to… ripple. Yet John couldn’t even look at the anomaly. It was like whatever it was forced itself out of the mind’s eye. If he tried looking at it on purpose, he didn’t see it and whenever he saw it anyway it just felt… wrong . Like a break in reality.

Regardless, he was unsure of what this was, so he turned to the only other person that might be able to help.

“Manaphy, you got any idea what this is?” Manaphy tried to look at the object in question herself, but was also seemingly struggling. 

She tried for thirty seconds, attempting to look at the empty space in front of her before giving up and looking at John. “I got nothing. It’s very clearly something that is powered by someone, but that’s all I can figure out without actually being able to inspect it. If I’m being honest Celebi would be the best choice to figure out what this is”

John did not agree with Manaphy’s assessment. “And not Mew? Doesn’t Mew have the whole scientific knowledge thing going on?” 

Manaphy would provide a good comeback, however, “Celebi can probably track it back to its origin between time and space, she’d be faster and more accurate.”

“... Well played Manaphy.”

…

John (failed to) look at the ripple, wondering if he should just go back. Logically, he should. Neither he nor Manaphy had any idea what was going on in the kitchen and he could go get assistance from one of the two more qualified people.

But humanity as a race is stupid. It’s worked out over time, but in general, humanity will do a dumb option that makes no sense because of reasons like “Welllllllll, what else was I supposed to do?”

John was about to have one of those moments.

Manaphy watched as John walked closer to the glow, raising a hand up towards where the ripples should be.

“John… this is a bad idea. THIS IS A BAD IDEA JOHN. DON’T DO IT JOHN! ”

John placed his hand where the ripples had formed…

Now he couldn’t tell you what told him to move. But seemingly instinctually he ducked… just in time, as a draconic claw flew into the space that now lay above his head. The ripple expanded, forming a tear in reality.

John swiftly retreated out of the area, looking from the little distance he could make at the being that stepped out of the rift. Black, red, and gray with a gold crest and six legs. Although it fit into the small hallway of the kitchen, its presence felt at least two or three times larger than even the room he was in. John had been forced onto the ground, barely able to lift himself off the ground to look at the being, nevermind actually do anything. 

He was completely helpless.

Then, the being turned its head, looking straight at John.

The next moments filled John with an immense feeling of pain. This… being… was speaking directly into John’s soul, and did not care how much harm it did in the process.

“HUMAN, I WILL ASK YOU ONCE AND ONLY ONCE. WHERE. IS. MEW.”

John realized that he had no say, and gave the being what it wanted to know..

“He’s… He’s on the couch.”

“...”

Despite no response, John felt the being stare at him as it made its way around him over to the living room. Over to the couch. The few seconds it took to walk were the greatest moments of agony John had been through. Almost as if the being was saying “If you are lying, I will end you… painfully. ”

Then it reached the couch.

All of a sudden John felt that he could breathe again. Looking for Manaphy, he found her over by where he had initially dodged the swipe. She must’ve fallen off of his shoulders then. Other than a little morphing in a bobble, she didn’t look worse for wear.

Turning around to the couch, Mew was still watching the movie, seemingly unaware of the events that had transpired.

That was the last thing he noticed before he passed out.

__

The being coughed, seemingly to signal Mew. It worked, and Mew turned around with shock in his eyes. “Tina? What are you doing here?”

“You got forcibly teleported away from my dimension, and instead of telling me anything afterward or informing me of what happened, you disappeared. I spent months searching for you. The only reason I found you was because you made the incredibly dumb decision to join a band. You realize Diancie is still mad at you right?”

“...oh.” said Mew: currently in the process of realizing he fucked up.

“Of all the places to find you, I didn’t think you’d be with a human. Did he capture you? Do I need to kill him? Are you safe?”

“NO, NO, YES! I’m his roommate. DON’T HURT HIM!”

“... It may be too late for that.” Giratina had the decency to look sheepish, at least.

Mew knew what that meant. If Giratina doesn’t answer you, he did something wrong. “...what did you do?”

If a dragon could blush, I’m sure he would be right now. “Check your kitchen… I may have pressured him a bit thinking you were in trouble.”

“...Of course you bloody would, wouldn’t you you muppet… just go… you know where I am now so you can check up on me easier, right?” Mew floated up to be at eye level with Giratina.

“...Yes, of course,” came the reply, before Giratina did absolutely nothing anyways.

… Mew just stared right back at Giratina, before tilting his head to imply that he should be doing something. This caused the dragon to look sheepish once more before uttering.

“...Right, I’ll be going now.”

He moved back over to the rift and fell through before closing it behind him.

Mew then went over to the kitchen to inspect the passed out John. At least everyone came out of it ok, even if John may have unassisted nightmares for weeks.

“Bollocks… what am I going to do with you mate.”

Chapter Text

Traveling through the time vortex, dealing with the Potential Rays on the way, and making sure Dialga didn’t get mad at her were all just small parts of Celebi’s day to day existence. But having to deal with texting while time traveling? It was a whole new challenge. 

Yo, Bibi! I’ve been listening to this killer band yo! You should take a listen!

User: V-Wheel Enthusiast sent a video: “Mythics and the Music Live Concert”

Celebi blinked, nearly entering a paradox, only to swiftly dodge out of the way. Of all the things she expected Victini to send her, she wasn’t expecting… that. 

Vivi, where did you find that?

Celebi paused for a moment to let Victini type, and a moment later, he came back to her.

It’s a long story… kind of just came up in my feed one day while I was grinding my ELO and I fell in love immediately. Such a good band… there’s even a Celebi on it, like you!

Celebi had a double-take, nearly tumbling over herself mid-flight, and she dove into a nearby portal to regain her composure. She sat on a tree branch, basking in the refreshing winds as she typed up her response.

Oh yeah! I listened to them recently, they were good. :) 

Celebi was panicking. Did she give too much away? Did she leave a word in there that would make him suspicious? Would he-

Lmao

Celebi nearly fell off of the branch. As she steadied herself again, she breathed a sigh of relief. She had nothing to worry about… nothing… 

“H3Y! 175 C31381! WH475 P0PP1N6 MY 8r05K1?”

Celebi leapt several feet back, eyes wide with terror as Jugulis suddenly emerged next to her. She stared at him, and he stared at her, his mechanical faces twisting in confusion.

“W45 17 50M37H1N6 1 541D?”

“Jugulis, how did you find me?” 

“1 D1DN7! 1 JU57 57UM813D 0N Y0U H3r3.”

An explosion rocked the area, and Jugulis’s faces scrunched up, looking disappointed.

“0H D4rN17. J1r4CH15 60N3 4ND 3XP10D3D 4641N. 533Y4 1473r M473!”

Jugulis flew off in the direction of the sound, leaving a bewildered Celebi to sort out the whole dilemma she was working through alone. Though Jugulis had been a momentary distraction, there was one thing she was considering. If even Victini in his little hidey-hole had heard of their band… 

Who else was talking about it?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“What is up Golders, it’s me, Gold Out of the Mine, and we’re back in here with another new concert review! I got the honor of getting to see The Mythics and the Music’s brand new show over in Slateport, and man, was it good ! Genuinely one of the best shows I’ve seen in ages - and that’s including Roxie’s recent tour!” 

“The awe factor is there too! I mean, a quintuplet of Mythicals, all in a band!? It’s a miracle nothing crazy has happened yet! And shock factor aside, the skill is there! The Mythicals all play perfectly, and Aria’s songs are genuinely incredible! There’s a reason I’m a willing donor in her streams.” 

“Still, with this success, I’m excited to see where she and the others go next. Mainstream? Albums? Heaven forbid she goes into radio… in any case, Aria and the Mythics, if you, somehow, are watching this, keep rockin and rolling out there! You’re doing great! Now, onto the next topic of discussion… is country falling off?” 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Y’know, it’s kind of exciting working out the finances for these guys!”

Samantha and Cheryl sorted through the various papers they needed to get through for the day’s shift. John had mysteriously gone AWOL, citing that “his fridge was being attacked by rabid beasts,” and though Cheryl and their boss were horrified, Samantha had chosen to remain rather selectively silent. 

“You? Enjoying work? A rarity.” 

Cheryl shied away, slinking behind a stack of paper as Samantha giggled to herself. 

“I-I, well…”

“Hey, don’t worry about it!” Samantha walked over to Cheryl, giving her nervous co-worker a pat on the back. “There’s nothing wrong with admitting you’re a fan! Even my Pokemon enjoy it, and those guys are the hardest possible guys I know to entertain!” 

Cheryl blushed, and Samantha gave her a large, reassuring grin. As she returned to her papers, she internally groaned. She reached into her pocket, pulling out her earbuds, and put on the latest single from The Mythics and The Music. 

She was surprised John hadn’t really said much about the band yet. She was sure he’d be someone who’d enjoy that kind of thing. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Oi, Jirachi, get over here! These PokeTube comments are getting sent up a Mudsdale’s backside right now!”

The sleepy Mythical yawned, rubbing his eyes, as he stared at the computer screen. Ever since they had all uploaded their stuff to various sites, they had been flooded with comments. Jirachi knew very little about the internet, but if Tandemaus had taught him anything in his lectures that slowly devolved into crying rants, it was that no one should read comments on the internet for the sake of their sanity. 

“Mew? What is it?”

“Look at this bloody tosser! “This band is about as good as your mother in bed!” What kind of rubbish is that!?”

“Look, Mew, maybe we should, uh… how’s Indeedee doing?”

“I wish whoever this commenter is has a very unpleasant afternoon.”

 Jirachi’s third eye flared to life, but soon snapped shut. Jirachi pouted at Mew, but the little cat hadn’t looked away from the screen. 

“I swear, these insults are getting less creative by the-”

“Are you searching by upload date, Mew?”

“Yes! Why-”

Mew paused, and turned to look at Jirachi, bewildered. Jirachi scratched his stomach, yawning. 

“I’m going back to bed. Do me a favor and turn off the computer, I don’t want your deranged screaming interrupting my nap time. I’ve got to learn basic addition tomorrow and I need to have a good night’s rest for that!”

Chapter Text

Just because she was a boring mid-level administrative officer worker now didn’t mean that she hadn’t once had the dream of every starry-eyed kid, eager to go out and prove their worth by (somehow, miraculously) trouncing the gym circuit and dethroning the champion. Of course that hadn’t worked out- and with her life how it was, she was rather glad of that. Still, she kept a few momentos from her abortive trainer days.

With how she’d been spending ever more time as a meloetta at home these days, she really should have seen something like this coming. She’d been cleaning up her room, rummaging through her old stuff with no small amount of nostalgia when he’d stumbled across his old trainer gear. A case with no badges, a  long outdated ID card, a brace of pokeballs-

As the first one he touched snapped open in a burst of scarlet-jagged brilliance, her last thought was a silent annoyance at her past self for failing to anticipate the situation. Really, don’t put pokeballs where you could capture yourself in them! It was that simple!

The ball clicked thrice, and then she was far too asleep to be further vexed.

#

Mew floated through the halls, a small frown affixed to his face as he cast his psychic senses through each passing room. Being the second oldest being in any existence (barring cheating time travelers, and usually even then) had honed his perception to an incredible precision- which made it all the more concerning when he could not find John.

“ Oh, Jirachi. ” He took a small break from his search to grab some water, lounging beside his fellow mythical on the couch. “ Have you seen John? I wanted to show her some of the experiments I’ve been running, but I can’t find her anywhere. ”

“ Wait, really? That doesn’t seem like something she’d do.” Jirachi blinked in bewildered surprise, most of his attention still focused on the nature documentary he was watching. Mew’d never seen the appeal of those- they got so much wrong it was almost painful. “ Well, uh, here's hoping you find where she is. ”

Mew rolled his eyes in faintly annoyed exhaustion. “I wish- “ wait. Jirachi’s power keyed off that statement… but he’d caught himself before he could apply the qualifying directive so he should -

Mew’s last thought before he disappeared, wished away in a snap of teleportation, was on the nuance of wishes and his own folly therein.

#

In the quiet confines of John’s room, a second pokeball shook thrice, and clicked shut.

#

Some time later, a small blue pokemon stumbled through the hallway, half-reaching, half-flopping against the doorknob to get into her room. She could have sworn she turned the lights off…

Unfortunately for Manaphy, she was far too drunk to realize this was John’s room- and the completely wrong floor, but that was neither here nor there. Instead she merely stumbled around in haphazard circles for a bit, pondering in silence what the sober mind could never comprehend, vast schema and fundamentals of unreality unmaking themselves in fractal disassociation-

She stubbed her little foot on something that’d gotten in her path- or something her path had gotten on the way off itself? Glancing down, Manaphy only had a slow second to see the precariously set red and white ball as it tipped - then rolled half an inch, bumping lightly against her.

Then she was gone, only the evanescent glitter of scarlet light and the open door a testament she’d ever been there at all.

#

Two sprites materialized in the air above John’s messy floor with an harmonic chime, one green and the other pastel pink. “ Well well well… ” The first smirked, looking smugly at the second. “ You see, I outsmarted your outsmarting by taking us from your middle-lower class apartment to my middle lower class apartment! ”

“ But. ” The pink one’s eyes glimmered with the hint of hidden victory, flitting up to hover right in front of her counterpart's face. “ I outsmarted your outsmartment of my outsmarting by taking us from my middle-lower class apartment to yours!”

“… what? ”

“ What?” Then before Celebi could react, Pinky slugged her in the face, tossing her to the ground where- by complete, unplanned accident- she was sucked into an empty pokeball. “ Ah well, another victory for the master of time. Enjoy your time stored in the ball, my old friend. ” And with that, the pink celebi disappeared.

#

Jirachi hit the power button, turning off the TV with a yawn. The nature documentary had just wrapped up- with some inane claim about how mythicals had ‘likely long since gone extinct’ no less- and he was a bit sleepy. The usual antics had been oddly absent today, which meant there was nothing to keep him up…

Stretching, he grabbed his favorite blanket and drifted down the hall, wishing he knew what was going on-

Oh. He froze as he felt a very familiar energy twist within him.

Oh no.

#

A fifth and final pokeball wiggled in distress three sharp times- then clicked and fell silent.

#

Of course, their incarceration didn’t last forever. Lacking a trainer to enforce it or a special function like the elusive master ball, the lock keeping them inside released after only a day or two. By virtue of being the first in, John was also the first out , and one energetic move later four other mythicals lay sprawled out in the broken wreckage of sundered pokeballs.

Mew picked himself up off the ground, dusting off his fur with a disgruntled sweep of his little paws. “ Well that was a bloody mess. ” Everyone else- minus Manaphy, who was still drunk- nodded in agreement. “ New rule, mates. Never again.”

John could only express her wholehearted support. That’d been enough pokeballs for her for the next lifetime and a half… “how about we just… pretend that never happened.” She chucked, hoping the others forgot that she was the one messing around with pokeballs in the first place.

…from the way Mew was giggling and muttering about kidneys, she surmised that hope was in vain.

Chapter Text

It didn’t take a master of foresight to learn that wishing for things around Jirachi tended to end poorly. Which was to say, if you didn’t like exploding it was probably for the best to carefully watch what you said around the mythical… a lesson that most of their fans had yet to learn. They’d just finished a small public event, and they’d finally gotten the chance to relax backstage free, and the event manager had let herself in to congratulate them.

John ignored her for the most part, just taking the chance to destress after the big event. Mew could deal with her- was dealing with her, if the way she was looking increasingly distressed was any indication…

“...anyways!” She chuckled nervously, slowly backing away from Mew. “I, uh, thanks for coming out here! I wish you guys could get out more-” it happened nigh instantly. Mew shifted , exploding into shadows and binding threads that laced the organizer's mouth shut a second to late. Celebi facepalmed, and disappeared in a pulse of displaced time. John leapt up, instantly alert as she summoned a shield of protect around them, and Manaphy slowly flopped over.

Jirachi just paused, blinked, then continued about his day as normal. After a few tense moments everyone relaxed, largely confident that whatever the effect had been, they’d for once been spared. Mew unwound from the panicked organizer, John let down her protect, and Manaphy unflopped.

“Hey, guys…” Celebi dropped back into reality, looking awfully nervous. “You’d never guess what happened to the road back to Rustboro…”

Everyone did, in fact, guess what had happened to the road home. John groaned, just… judgmentally staring at the wishgiver. “It-”

“It blew up.”

“-blew up.” She sighed. “Well… tour extended, I guess?” And another wish fulfilled with the magic power of explosions.

John was going to throttle that kid one day.

Chapter Text

It wasn’t often he got a chance to get in the hot tub. It wasn’t his, obviously- one of the elderly neighbors who wasn’t even at home nine times out of ten had given him permission a few years back alongside a few others in the neighborhood, and he took advantage when he got the opportunity off work. As it was, with his financial duties for ‘Aria’ done for the night, he could enjoy the relaxing jets and ust sink into the blissful, serene-

“Anyways, mate, I’d love to stick around here all night but- only a hundred degrees, really? This thing’s gonna be freezing in half an hour.” John groggily cracked open an eye, glaring at the one person who’d chosen to purposely annoy- that was, he meant, join him in the spa. 

Mew lounged against the other side of the hot tub in his androgynous human form, arms crossed behind his head, and John tried not to think about how his full-body wetsuit was probably an extension of his transformation. He wondered if the cat even had skin under there.

A slight shudder ran down his spine at the thought. Given what he stumbled still stumbled across now and again in the house, it was probably better he didn’t know. “Can you be quiet for a bit? I’m trying to relax here.”

“My bad, mate.” He yawed cattily, blinking about as tiredly as John felt . “Say, mind turning up the temperature next time-”

“ I think it perfinkt! ”

“Arceus above! ” Mew yelped, scrambling out of the pool as Manaphy coalesced from the water not even a foot in front of him. “ Blimey , mate! You startled me! Give a lad some warning next time!” He paused, hooking Manaphy under her arms and hoisting her out of the pool. “Are you drunk ? No drinking in the hot tub.”

“ Perfink rhymes with think, you see? Get it?” Despite the nonsensical rambling, for once though, she sounded completely sober. “I just wanted to screw with you .”

Mew groaned, dramatically flopping back into the water. “I swear… so, as we were talking about-” Manaphy struggled to slip free from his grip, but legendary strength and opposable thumbs really worked against her here. “As we were talking about with the temperature…”

John had a suspicion that relaxation wasn’t something he’d be getting much of in this hot tub.

Chapter Text

Mew was loath to admit it, but he didn’t actually keep up with all his creations after he released them into the wild, least of all his original attempts at life. How was he supposed to know that the little prokaryotes and whatnot would evolve into all these plants and bugs and humans . He’d been too busy doing-

Mew coughed quickly, banishing the thought out of mind as he took a seat in the lecture hall. That was, uh, neither here nor there… anyways! John had finally convinced him that getting out of the house would be valuable, and having become a verified master of the modern language, he’d chosen to take this introductory bio course. Yep. A thoroughly mundane, perchance even relaxing time spent learning about all the biotic idiosyncrasies he’d left unlearned.

The seats around him slowly filled, and eventually, just a few minutes prior to the start of class, the professor hurried in with her computer balanced precariously on her arm. “Alright everyone, alight! No need to applaud, keep it down, settle down…” the chatter continued unabated, but there was a light smattering of laughter at her humor. “So! First day of class! We have a lot to cover, so let’s get right in…”

“-just in time.” A student Mew could only describe as twiggy slid into the seat beside him. “Woo! let’s go, we win these-”

“Shut up .” The student on the other side of him practically growled, a look of fury on her face. “This is important material she’s going over right now.” She was going over the syllabus and assorted course trivia that couldn’t have been more boring if she’d tried.” You came here to learn, so you better act like it-”

“Well sorry that you couldn’t ignore a simple few words…” they bickered back and forth over him in hushed tones as he tried his best to ignore the argument. 

A very hard feat, indeed, even when the professor finally got done with the introductory stuff and finally got into- “we’re going to have to start with a quick run through the physical processes of the earth to understand some simple biogeochemical cycles…”

Demiurge damn it all, biology class would end before they got to the biology . Mew groaned- which, at the very least, seemed to snap the two buffoons beside him out of their quarreling. “Worst idea ever .”

The girl beside him smirked smugly. “What, already getting cold feet about this intro bio class?” Mew got the feeling the comment wasn’t really directed at him , and by the way twiggy bloke  glared he wasn’t the only one.

“No, geography. The whole earth should have been one biotic mass, like-” he cut himself off. That was right back to things that were better not mentioned…

Both of them were giving him weird looks now, twiggy bloke more so than the girl. “Odd take man, but you do you I guess. Better suck it up though, cuz this is just the way the world is. We’re sure not gods, so we just got to learn as much as we can and try our best.”

They weren’t gods, but it was a pithy statement- and he sighed as it was immediately ruined by the girl, who’d countered with ‘oh now you want to learn’ or something equally inane he didn’t bother remembering. 

Thirty minutes later class was wrapping up and Mew was torn between throttling John for suggesting the bloody thing or Groudon and Kyogre for no reason in particular (by Arceus those two were annoying.) “…and that’s about it everyone! Oh, and some final things, make sure to complete the quiz and…” he tuned her out as he packed his bag, ignoring the- “oh, and one last thing! Take a good look around you, because the people sitting next to you are going to be your partners in the lab section!”

Mew knew that there were only two people sitting beside him, but he still glanced at each of their horrified faces to indulge in the pointless drama of it. Ah, yes…

This was going to be painful.

Chapter Text

Mm. Toast. John loved toast- usually, except for when he didn’t, but that was neither here nor there. Recently he’d started liking the sour jams a bit more, which he supposed was a side-effect of the meloetta transformation but he really didn’t care. They tasted good, okay? He finished scraping the jam across his toast, savoring the delicate scent for good measure as he-

“Ooh, toast! Yoink!” He barely had a chance to hear the chime before Celebi was stealing his toast , flitting back out of reach of his grasp. “Tell my earlier self not to worry overmuch! We’ll be fine!” Then before John could get the sprite in his grasp she saluted, smirked, and disappeared in another warped wavering of temporal unreality- taking the toast , too. Sighing, he went to put some more bread in the toaster, only to pause as someone knocked on the door.

He wouldn’t put it past Celebi to have bothered him at the exact right time to make him deal with… whatever this was. Sacrificing his toast as a lost cause, he trudged down the steps to deal with whatever random problem his roommates had dragged him into this time.

It was to his immense displeasure that he was nailed in the head with a pokeball the moment he stepped outside. Slowly, he turned to face the young man who’d thrown at him, a decidedly unimpressed look on his face. “Why.” It wasn’t even a question, because he didn’t care about the answer. He was way too tired to be dealing with this absolute idiocy right now- and another pokeball bounced off his shoulder. “Please stop, or I’ll… call the police or something.” Or save him from Mew, whichever turned out to be more necessary. “Just-” his hand snapped up, catching the third pokeball he threw- an ultra ball? Those were worth a lot . “Go harass someone else in the neighborhood.”

“No… no, that doesn't make sense, I was sure …” he frowned, flipping open his notebook and scribbling down a line with a pen that’d come from… somewhere on that pocketless outfit. “I could have sworn that I got the details right… but if that didn’t-” he glanced up, paling as though realizing for the first time that John was , in fact, still standing right there. “Sorry! Sorry, miss- sir- I’m leaving now!” Watching him scurry away, the only thought in John’s head was… that had been odd .

………

Coming home from work, he noticed instantly that something was wrong. The front door had been left ajar- which, living with the roommates he had wasn’t an altogether odd occurrence- but the metal around the lock had been scratched up and his shoes inside were out of place. That was weird, mostly because none of the other mythicals used shoes . Not even Mew, which… he did not like to think of the implications of his human transformation’s footwear.

Someone had tracked loose dirt up the stairs- again in the shape of footprints, which probably meant that one of the others was trying something… silly. Steeling himself for the dread of whatever he walked into, he followed the trail up-

“Oh!” He stared at the man- the same young man he’d seen earlier, who’d paused rustling through his drawers. The napkin drawer, at that. “Um… hi! Nice to meet you, I’m…”

“A thief?”

“Well I wasn’t going to steal anything! I’m not a crook , just an…” he paused, clearly weighing his words before- carefully- annunciating the rest of the sentence. “Independant. Journalist. Who just so happens to be in your-”

“Get out.”

He ducked his head in shame. “I’ll get out.” He closed the napkin drawer slowly, shouldering his bag and palming a pokeball before not moving . “Um. So… miss Aria. Can I ask you some questions-” and it was though the world had turned on its head. Suddenly John was the one left feeling disconcertingly off balance, sweat beading at the edge of his brow. “Nothing big! I’ve just been looking into this for a long while, and…” he dropped the pokeball, releasing a milcrey of all things. “I need answers .”

“I… don’t think I can tell you anything about… Aria? The pop star?”

He slammed his hand down on the table, making John jump back and milcrey look at him weirdly. “Objection! Ow, also…” he wrung his hand out for a second with a hiss of pain, before pointing dramatically at John. “I have here photo evidence that several of the mythicals were spotted coming out of this house here. Nobody believes me, but I have it!” He rummaged in his pocket (yes, he did have one apparently) for a second before throwing five lightly crumpled pictures out onto the table. Jirachi coming home from school, Mew looking out the window, Manaphy flopped over on the sidewalk, Celebi half-out of a time ripple, and… Iron Jugulis, for some reason. “I went to the public records building to find who owns the property, and when I learned you were renting I broke into your landlord’s house-”

“Wait wait what? You broke into his house?” John sucked in a deep breath, then hissed it out nervously. “Do you have any idea of what you’ve just done?”

“Breaking and entering and larceny-”

“ Larceny! You stole- what? How?”

Smugly, the home invader pulled out an entire- small- sheaf of papers from where he’d stuffed it into that really small pocket . “The records of every tenant she hosts. And right there- right there! It says John Wish , famously known amongst the fandom as Aria’s top financial agent. Coincidence? I think not! I’ve figured it out! The code is cracked! At long last everything comes together! Fear me , mortal-”

John sighed. “Not mortal , per say…” and shifting, she became something smaller and a whole lot more able to use some magic and kick him out . A piercing psychic light haloed her head as she ascended menacingly . “Now, are we going to do this the easy way, or the hard way?”

The journalist glanced at the pokeball his milcrey had retreated into, then back at John- pulling out an ultraball. “Let’s try the hard-”

………

Defenestration was an effective way of dealing with home invaders. Just as the founding fathers intended.

………

They’d been running damage control for a few hours. Well, John had been enjoying some relaxing television with Jirachi and Manaphy while Celebi frantically tried to undo the past and keep them safe from poachers or whatever. He had to say that he didn’t really understand Manaphy’s family sit-com obsession, or Jirachi’s… actually, he was pretty sure he did get why the wish-granting mythical liked watching action films, and the answer stared with an ‘e’ before quickly concluding with an ‘xplosions.’

The green sprite Celebi popped back into reality over the kitchen counter with a chime. “ Really? You didn’t even warn me ?” She crossed her arms in frustration and even denied the handful of popcorn John offered, which meant it was probably a big deal . “ I just spent five days scouring the timeline past and future only to realize that the whole thing would have been unnecessary if you’d just remembered what I told you! ”

John furrowed his brow. “...what?” It was about then that Celebi’s phone hit him in the face, and he caught a glimpse of what she’d meant. “Oh.” Right, she’d come to tell him not to worry about it earlier, hadn’t she? “Sorry, I got lost in the whole someone found out thing…” he scrolled through ‘#0AriaInvestigator’s’ posts for a half a minute, snickering at the absolute stupidity . It was, perhaps, the dumbest media post he’d seen in months , and that was honestly impressive … on top of the fact that it was completely correct . “Nobody believed him?”

Celebi nodded crossly. “Nobody believed him.”

Well… John passed the phone back to Celebi, who settled down on the couch beside them to watch some TV. Good riddance to that.

Chapter Text

Working at an accounting firm meant John was no stranger to budgeting and bills, but this was something else.

“Jirachi, how in the name of everything did you blow up a Contest Hall?”

Jirachi yawned as he ate from a bowl of cereal. “Look, the person on stage said “I wish we could light this place up even more, so-”

“Okay, okay, fine, but Mew, you’ve got fines for… jaywalking?”

“I call rubbish on that, mate. I was clearly floating, not walking.”

“And Manaphy… how did you even get a drunk driving charge!? You’re not tall enough for the brakes!”

“Exactly.” 

John groaned, staring at the mass of papers before him. 

“Look, if I see one more outlandish crime or bill in here, I swear to-”

Celebi emerged from a time portal, carrying a heavy stack of paperwork. She deposited it on John’s desk with a resounding thud, and stared at John expectedly. 

“Celebi, what is-”

“Paperwork. Future paperwork, just got back from there.” 

“And why is it here?”

“Best to get it done now, right? Trust me, it’s important you get a headstart on this.” 

John took one look at the papers, and immediately turned back to look at Celebi like she had grown a second head.

“Why does it say that you-”

“Don’t worry about it.”

John turned back to his work as Celebi left. He was concerned, for it wasn’t just his present that was painful, but his future as well. 

Did he remember to buy insurance?

Chapter Text

John hadn't been to the Poke Mart since he accidentally busted part of the store, but he needed to go for some vital materials today. If he didn't… well, he'd learned recently that Mew were far more like Skitty than he thought, and he didn't quite fancy buying another new couch. 

Of course, what he hadn't expected was… this. 

“Welcome to the Poke Mart, how may we help?”

“Sir, are you aware you're a massive Dragon?”

“Yes, now are you going to buy anything, or what?”

This big Not-Salamence, with a name tag saying “Roaring Moon” on it, apparently worked here now. He was lucky he could understand Pokemon courtesy of his Meloetta experiences, because otherwise he would have been incredibly confused. 

“Ah, if it isn't my favorite customer.” 

John paused, sighing, as he turned to find the employee he had accidentally assaulted behind him. The two other Not-Pokemon, with tags named “Scream Tail” and “Brute Bonnet,” stood behind her, and they looked offended. 

“H-hi, ma'am. Sorry about that-”

“No, no, it's fine. I appreciate the new friends you dumped on me.” She pet the two Pokemon, who cooed happily. “What I didn't appreciate were the government inquiries afterwards.”

“Ah.” 

“You do not know how many hours I had to spend filling out that paperwork… how many hours I had to spend just to convince them to let me keep these three. You made my life miserable.”

“And I assume you want me to make it up to you?”

“Naturally.” She smiled. “And I know just how to do that. Y'see, we've been having a bit of a…. Let's say troublemaking Pokemon, coming around after nightfall. Could I ask you and your little…” She waved her hands around. “...Mythical friends deal with it?”

“... Sure?” 

She blinked. “That was easier than I expected. Well, come here after nightfall and I'll show you where to wait it out, alright?”

“Sounds good.” John awkwardly shuffled around. “Can I… um…”

“Yes, you can buy your gummy fish.” She put on a work smile, bowing. “Let me know if we can assist you.”

John nodded, and as he went through the aisles, he sighed. He had no clue what he had gotten himself into. 

—---------------------

“Righto! Let's show this Pokemon what us professional street urchins can do!”

“Mew, if you're a street urchin, then I'm the God of antimatter.”

“With how many pencils seem to disappear around the house near suspiciously Celebi shaped time portals, I don't doubt it.”

“Shut up.”

John shushed the two Mythicals from his stake out point, and they both shrunk back. He looked out into the alleyway, waiting for his target. 

According to the Pokemart Lady, the Pokemon John was looking for typically came down the alleyway he was currently in. Once it showed up, Celebi and Mew would pounce, and they'd take it down for her.

“Why couldn't Jirachi do this instead?” Mew shivered. “My feet are getting cold.”

“It was past his bedtime.”

Celebi groaned. “Why couldn't Manaphy do it?”

“It was past her… “bedtime.”

The three heard the sound of walking, and they all ducked back into the dumpster they were hiding in. As it came closer, the three realized just how much weight was in its steps.

“John, that's not just a Trubbish.”

“Yeah… that's a-”

Tyrantrum roared, and as it entered the alleyway, immediately bared down on the trashcan the three were in. Before they could react, Tyrantrum opened the bin with its arm, pausing momentarily as it saw the three terrified forms inside. Mew Teleported out of the bin, and as John and Celebi looked to the now absent spot, Tyrantrum roared once more, and the pair immediately leapt out of the dumpster. 

“Not dealing with that not dealing with that not dealing with that not dealing with-”

“Celebi, I thought you dealt with the T-Rex-”

“It was on my to-do list, alright!”

Tyrantrum came dangerously close, and John narrowly dodged the dinosaur’s jaws.

“Can't you do anything?”

“Do I look like Jirachi to you!?”

A second later, Tyrantrum snatched Celebi in its jaws. John stared in horror as it watched it swallow her down, and the moment it finished with a satisfied burp, it glared at him. 

John prepared to flee, but Tyrantrum suddenly recoiled, clutching its stomach. It convulsed rapidly, and a few moments later, Tyrantrum coughed up Celebi, sending her flying straight into a wall, covered in Tyrantrum's stomach fluids. 

The dinosaur fled, roaring in pain, as John ran over to Celebi. He held her sticky form, and Celebi coughed, weakly smiling. 

“That'll teach em not to mess with Celebi Judo!”

“That is not a thing.”

“It isn't, but I can make it one.” She smiled with a wink. “I may have even made it something already.”

—----------------------

“Great job, you two.” The PokeMart lady smiled. “Thanks to you, I no longer have to deal with that thing eating my garbage.” 

“It was nothing.” Celebi bowed, winking. “I'd be willing to do it any time.” 

“That's good, because you definitely haven't made it up to me yet. Give me your phone number, and I'll ring you up when I've got a job for you.”

John was about to make a move to retort, but the Lady cut him off as she leaned over the counter.

“Oh, and keep your little pet contained better.”

She handed John a jar, and inside, Mew sat there amidst the waste of many packs of gummy fish. He guiltily smiled, and John sighed. There never was a normal day, was there?

Chapter Text

Late night walks were one thing. Late night walks in awkward silence with Kibby of all people were something entirely different. How was he supposed to know that going to the park at midnight would have him run into Sam’s daughter?

“ So… ” Kibby drew out the word, long and surprisingly hesitant. “ You can understand me. ” John wince. He really should get out of the habit of responding to random pokemon… one day someone would put two and two together and then where would he be? “ That’s weird as hell. ”

“Tell me about it.”

“ I’m pretty sure you couldn’t always understand what I was saying… ” She paused to think, then scrambled to catch up to John when she realized he hadn’t stopped with her. “ Aha! You, uh, whatever disaster was going to happen in your house! The bone hurt juice cured you of your stupidity! ”

John snorted out a laugh, and Kibby looked very pleased with herself. “No, that’s just a symptom of the cause…” he hid a grin at the way Kibby barely held onto the edge of her patience as they passed through the fluorescent-lit darkling night- “so…”

“ Oh come on, just tell me already! ”

He laughed, and nodded. “Fine, fine! So- what do you know about mythicals ?”

Chapter Text

Being in an accounting position meant that John had to manage a lot of people’s finances. And sometimes, well… sometimes it made for some interesting dilemmas. 

“What do you mean I’m not considered “employed” by the government?”

“Sir, having a sword and stabbing people is not a viable job.” 

“But I run my own studio!”

“That is not registered with the region.”

The swordsman in front of him chuckled, unsheathing his sword as he eyed it pridefully. John would normally have been terrified, but this was child’s play compared to anything else he’d been subject to in recent weeks. 

“Hehe… I suppose you don’t understand who I am.” The swordsman caressed his blade as he spoke. “I am Saber Glaivesman. I’m a master of the blade, and I don’t hesitate in using it to cut down my enemies.” 

“Okay, and that means…?”

The swordsman leaned in close, his breath touching John’s face. He chuckled. 

“It means that I have to… talk to some very important politicians.” 

“Sir… I’m fairly certain that’s against the law.”

“Ah, good… excellent, even! Another to add to my collection!” 

The swordsman threw a smoke bomb to the floor, cloaking the office in a dense fog. After a few moments, the dust settled, and the man disappeared. John blinked, and then punched in some numbers onto the landline to his right.

“Yeah. Carrie? Warn the senate. It’s happening again.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Look, I came by a very unfortunate accident, and-”

“Sir… you stuck your head into a particle collider.”

“So?”

“You also stuck your Farigiraf into a particle collider.”

“So?”

“Have you looked in the mirror lately?”

“Of course. Did I get something on my face?”

John, eyeing the suspiciously Farigiraf-shaped man, sighed. “I suppose you could say it’s something like that…”

“Well, look, do I get compensation or not?”

“Sir, this is an accounting firm-”

“ Do I get compensation? ”

“Well… uh…” John squinted at the man. “That’s a very good question…” John got up, guiding the man out of the room. “In fact, you can discuss it with my buddy Ralph down the hall. He’s very good with this kind of stuff.”

With a pat on the back and some parting words, John practically slammed the door on the man, who was a can of worms he was going to let Ralph deal with.  

“JOHHNNNNNNNN-”

It was so worth it. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Your gross median income is… zero?”
 

“Yeah…”

A young girl with a flood of crimson red hair was seated at the desk in front of him. She was anxiously glancing around, as if concerned about something. Despite it all, John felt that she was… familiar, somehow. 

“Well, Ms…” John squinted at the paper. “...Red, I’m afraid I can’t help you much if you’re without any money. How old are you?”

“I’m… eighteen…”

“Eighteen? Hm… have you tried getting a job?”

“I did… but I’m having… difficulties.” 

“Difficulties?”

“Er… nothing! I just… could I use the bathroom?”

“Of course.”

The girl ran out of the room with a speed John hadn’t seen since his days in track. Though John found it odd, he didn’t begin to question it until ten full minutes had passed, and his next client came in. He punched some buttons into his landline. 

“Carrie? Yeah, what happened to Ms. Red? She went to the bathroom ten minutes ago, and now my next client-”

“We don’t have a Ms. Red on your list for today. Whoever you were talking to isn’t someone we’re keeping track of.” 

Carrie hung up, and though John was confused, he didn’t have much time to wonder, as his client demanded his attention. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So, what are your finances like?”

“Mr. Pond, sir, I’m meant to be asking that question.”

Mr. Pond squinted his eyes. “Right…”

“Anyways…” John shuffled some papers. “Your median income is…”

“Your boss treating you alright?”

“Of course.” John looked at the paper incredulously. “How do you have a total income of-”

“Have you noticed any…” Mr. Pond leaned in closer. “...Shady characters here, lately?”

“None shadier than you.” 

“Haha, good one!” Mr. Pond suddenly whirled around, his back to John. “Oh gosh, he’s on to me! How did he-”

“I can still hear you y’know.” 

“His detection skills are better than expected… will need to retreat and touch base with this newly acquired info-”

“This newly acquired WHAT now-”

“Think fast!”

Mr. Pond chucked a doughnut into John’s face and ran. John would’ve called security, but he knew that by the time they got there, Mr. Pond would’ve been long gone. So John just resigned himself to the fact that Mr. Pond was hilariously incompetent… both in terms of whatever he was doing, and in terms of finances. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So, Ms. Bentworth, I understand that you’re having budgeting issues.”

“Yes! I just don’t understand where the money could be going!”

John eyed the room, which was covered in a mass of Skitty of varying shapes and sizes. A pair of them nibbled on his fingers, while another clung furiously to his hair. Another viciously pounced on a yarn ball on his desk.

“Right…”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As the day was wrapping up, a mysterious person in a cloak and hood entered his room, seeking an appointment. John let them in out of kindness, but the moment they entered, he knew exactly what was up.

“ Fear my countenance mortal. Soon, you shall know true wrath-”

“Mew, I know it’s you.”

“ Aw… ” In a flash, Mew suddenly morphed into view. “Was I that obvious?”

“Only you would write something so corny.” 

“Darnit.” 

Chapter Text

“Welcome back everyone to the Shady Thier Rising Podcast! Today, we have a super special guest in the form of Saber Glaivesman! Give a great welcome to our guest!”

“You realize you lack a studio audience, right?”

Shady dimmed. “Yeah… but that’ll change once we strike it big!”

“You and your…” Glaivesman checked his watch. “Fifteen viewers?”

Shady made a shushing motion with his mouth. “Man, whose side are you on?”

“You probably don’t even have the editing software to patch my insults ou-”

“ANYWAYS!” 

Shady’s Milcery was awoken from its nap with a start, but Shady continued. 

“Today, we’re here to discuss Aria, the hit music sensation who has taken the music world by storm! She’s ever elusive… never once had an interview with any of us. So today, I’m here to ask… what could she be hiding?”

“She could just be camera shy, like you-”

“I am not camera shy! I just like-”

“To listen to yourself talk? Yeah, I don’t-”

“ANYWAYS!” Shady shuffled some notes around. “My current working theory is that Aria isn’t a true Meloetta like she says she is, but rather, a person disguising themselves as a Pokemon!”

“And what evidence, pray tell, suggests that?”

“I’m glad you asked, Mr. Glaivesman, for I have video proof that Aria’s secret financial consultant, John Wish, is actually Aria!”

“I swear, you’re making this show a… show me the video.”

“Alright, here!”

For any podcast listeners, the podcast cut to silence for the next four minutes, bar the occasional sound of Shady making excited quips and breathless rants. Eventually, Glaivesman spoke.

“It seems I was incorrect. You do have the editing software somewhere.”

“It’s not edited! You think I’d edit something like that!?”

“Well you’re going to need stronger proof than that to certify a solid connection. Anything can be edited nowadays, you’ll need actual audible proof from John himself-”

“Oh! That’s a great idea! Yes… I can see it now-”

“Shady, where are you-”

The sound of loud scampering and falling objects could be heard to anyone listening to the podcast, followed by the audible displeasure of Glaivesman. 

“To any and all listeners, Mr. Wish is quite a nice man. He’s quite reliable at handling my finances, so go and check him out if you need financial aid. He’s going to need something good in his life when he has to deal with Mr. Thier Rising over here.”

Glaivesman got up, sighing, as he unsheathed his blade.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me and this grand old waste of time, I have a job I need to do involving a very special someone you may or may not know. Good day.”

Podcast listeners, at this point, were left very confused, only to then realize the incredibly obvious answer as to why there was another two hours and forty-six minutes left of run-time.

Chapter Text

“Okay Tandy, I think that’s all the groceries… thanks for the help, I don’t think that lady likes me at all .”

Tandemaus sighed beneath a mound of groceries. “It makes sense knowing you.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.”

Mew dove in to grab some groceries, but stopped in his tracks as he heard the sound of the most beautiful voice he had ever heard calling out to him from across the street. It was like a voice in a dream, and it was a dream Mew had longed to relish in.

“Oh, hello there strangers!” Indeedee giggled. “I was just passing through… would you like any help? It’s my duty to serve, y’know.”

Tandemaus nodded. “Yeah, that’d be great, actually. Thank you.” 

“Aw, how sweet of you! Normally when I help people, they hardly give me any thanks at all.”

“Seriously? Those guys are dolts.”

“Well, I wouldn’t put it so… bluntly.”

“In any case, I’m not letting you carry the whole thing. Mew-”

Mew had begun to float, absentmindedly, to the other side of the road, trapped in the headlights of love. Unfortunately, he was also trapped inside of a car’s headlights, which he only realized after getting sent flying fifty feet into the air. 

“Oh no!” 

Indeedee cried out, panickedly watching as Mew landed headfirst onto the pavement. Indeedee began to rush to his aid, but Tandemaus had already started the endeavor, dragging Mew by the tail to his side of the road. 

“Tandemaus, is he-”

“He’s had worse. He once cut himself open to prove to me he didn’t have a liver. A car is child’s play, and he’s dealt with some seriously overpowered children.”

“I…. okay?”

“You didn’t understand a single lick of that, did you?”

“Not really…”

“Don’t worry, I live with him, and even I still don’t quite understand it. Do you like one or two sugars in your tea?”

“Just one, if you wouldn’t mind.”

“Good. You take half, I take half and Mew.” 

And so the pair walked back to the apartment, idly chatting as Mew, gripped by the tail, struggled to properly realign his eyeballs. 

Chapter Text

“Mew. What are you doing in the kitchen?”

“An experiment.”

John turns and peeks into the kitchen, where a mess of chemicals lie around two creatures sitting in a tub.

“And what experiment is this, exactly?”

“I heard a comment from someone, so I'm attempting to induce a change using only the chemicals.”

“...what change, mew?”

“Wouldn't you like to know?” Mew said, before floating into the kitchen himself.

John sighed, knowing he wasn't going to get that answer out of Mew in this state.

“Well can you at least answer me what those two creatures are? I don’t think I’ve seen anything like that in my entire life.”

Mew turned over, seemingly exasperated with John.

“Frogs.”

“...Frogs? The creatures straight out of a history textbook? How did you even get those?”

Mew floated over to an open cabinet before pulling out a notebook from within and flipping to a page showcasing the frog as well as what appeared to be strands of DNA.

“Primogenitor of life, remember? Take a small fraction of my cells and rewrite it to those of the frogs listed here. Really it’s a cheat code having genome sequences at my disposal. Removes the guessing process.”

“...and why did you recreate frogs for your experiment?”

“It’s just what the bloke came up with. Yeah he was probably talking about Greninja or something but I’m nothing if not accurate.”

John stared at the cat, pointedly ignoring the many times that wasn’t the case and instead choosing to focus on what was in front of him right now . “Just how many times have you done this in the kitchen?”

Mew laughed off the thought. “In the kitchen? Once or twice. In general? You wouldn’t want to know the answer to that question.”

John was rendered speechless, before proceeding to facepalm. This unfortunately led to him missing the rapidly forming grin on Mew’s face.

“You wanna know something funny?”

“What, Mew.” John’s exasperation was palpable within the air.

“You know…” Mew started twirling a set of keys around the nub that was his finger, grinning with mirth, “there used to be a third frog.”

John took 5 seconds to process the information given to him.

“Mew. What happened to the other one?”

Mew did a flip in the air before laying on his stomach. In the air. “The experiment worked, that’s what happened mate. Because of that, she was no longer needed.”

He wished he understood what Mew meant by this, but couldn’t quite figure out how this had anything to do with the experiment at hand. So he asked.

“What does her gender have to do with this?”

Mew’s head turned to face the two remaining frogs. “Well those two are doing fine without her, aren’t they?”

John would like to imagine that, were an outsider looking into the room they could see the gears in his head turning, trying to turn on that lightbulb to signify his understanding.

“Oh come on, mate, do I need to spell it out for ya?”

The lightbulb clicked.

“What was the purpose?” John wasn’t angry, just immensely confused at why Mew took the time out of his day to put in effort for this.

Mew didn’t respond.

John prompted again. “Why did you do this?”

Mew remained silent.

“Ugh.” John, now frustrated, stormed out of the room, tell-tale signs of the Meloetta transformation over taking him as he went to go Round someone in the head. 

The second that John left, Mew keeled over and burst out laughing.

Chapter Text

Sometimes her roommate’s shenanigans went completely over her head. Sometimes they were subtle about things, or managed to keep the effects of their silly little schemes relatively unmentionable in even the local news. This… 

John groaned, then called for the obvious perpetrator. “Celebi? Celebi!” The forest spirit darted sheepishly over, trying- and failing- not to look guiltily at the television. “What’s this?”

“ Oh, you remembered that? ” She looked at the TV special celebrating the stunning scientific discovery of frogs’ 50th anniversary, humming thoughtfully for a moment. “ Gah… paradoxes and observer reference… just forget you ever noticed anything, ok? Great!”

“Wait- but- huh? What do you mean -“

“ Hey, would ya look at the time, gotta run or I’ll miss my, uh dentist appointment! Cya!” She was gone before John even had a chance to get a word in edgewise.

Her roommates were the worst.

Chapter Text

John was having a fun night out with his friends. He had contacted both Samantha and Aster for a night of bowling. Low stakes, just a nice get together between friends. 

Honestly, it had been going well. Sam is a demon when it comes to bowling, and almost hit a perfect game while “not having played competitively in three years.” …Ok, sure. Meanwhile, Aster wasn’t the best bowler, but could still put up a decent fight on a good day. John himself lied somewhere in the middle of the other two. Together, they were able to play decently competitive matches between friends.

Of course, it would get derailed by some friends of his.

John had paid for the lane at the end, and it was a quiet night so they were the only ones in the bowling alley other than the staff. Coming up to the tenth frame of their third game, Sam was currently in the lead with John close behind and Aster slightly behind him. However, Aster was currently coming off of a strike, giving him a noticeable shot at taking the lead from Sam.

John went first, managing to edge out a spare, temporarily putting him ahead of Sam by seven points before he netted an extra four pins with the bonus ball. This put him eleven points ahead.

Sam followed, hitting a spare before an unlucky split meant she only hit six pins. This netted her twenty-two points, putting her eleven points ahead of John’s new score and a solid forty-two ahead of Aster’s score. 

However, with the previous strike, if Aster rolled two more strikes, he’d win.

Aster stepped up to the line, rolled the ball anddddddddddd, perfect strike. Just one more to go and Aster would win what was most likely the last game of the night.

Fifteen seconds passed while the balls and pins reset, giving him time to focus.

Step up to the line. Reel his hand back. Thro-

And disaster struck.

As Aster went to throw the ball, a floating pink cat seemed to just… appear right in front of his face.

“JOHN, WHERE ARE YOU? There was an incident back home.”

At that moment, he freezed due to being unable to process this information. So he stood there, staring at this pink cat that spoke human and called John his roommate.

He promptly passed out.

Now while all of this was happening, the ball he had tossed was rolling towards the pins. Slowly, but with a surprising amount of power.

…

The ball rolled in for a strike. Aster had won, even without the third throw of the frame.

Then Mew went and poked the face of the human that fainted in front of him.

“John, is the lad gonna be alright?”

…

John really didn’t sign up for this today.

Looking over at Sam before sharing a look, he replied. “He’ll be alright Sam’s got him. Now what’s going on?”

“Jirachi brought some dodgy food home and is trying to get everyone to eat it. Just… come and make sure the bloke ain’t tryin’ ta kill us, capiche?”

Grabbing onto Mew’s… hand/paw thing, John allowed himself to be teleported away, leaving Sam with Aster.

__

Waking up, Aster felt his head pounding… almost like he hit it against something.

He was lying against the wall of the bowling alley, with a bottle of water on the ground in front of him to his left and Sam holding onto his right side.

“Hey, you ok?” She whispered.

Aster certainly didn’t feel ok. He felt like someone just took a mallet to his head and whacked it.

“You took quite a tumble on that last throw, maybe you were off-balance. But you did end up winning!”

…

“John had to go home, had an issue with the apartment otherwise he’d be here right now. I’ve got you though. Don’t worry.

Something felt… off about those statement. Yet he couldn’t recall what happened so he’d have to accept her word for it.

…

Then he tried to stand up before promptly falling back over.

“WOAH, ok there. Hey come on, walk with me. I’ve got you. I’ll take you back home unless you need to go to the hospital, ok?”

…

“...home.” Aster whispered so lightly that Sam almost didn’t hear him.

“ok. I can do that.”

Sam walked him out of the bowling alley, before they drove off.

The next day, Aster was back at full capacity and didn’t feel any lingering effects from the previous day.

Yet he still felt that something was off about the end of that game.

Chapter Text

When you get told there is an incident back home, you’re going to drop everything in order to figure out what is going on and if you need to help, right?

At least… that’s what John thought was normal.

Admittedly, it was kind of lucky that they were wrapping up the bowling game anyway, so he wasn’t going to miss anything. Taking Mew’s hand, he was expecting a lot of things. Maybe another wall had been torn down. Mew brought in another monstrosity that they are calling a science experiment and it got out of control. Manaphy swapped Celebi’s and Pinky’s bodies. Something… outrageous like normal.

Coming into the room, there was… nothing out of the ordinary at first. No mess, no violent holes through the wall, or the living room somehow upside down.

Instead, what he got was three mythical Pokemon shying away from a bowl on a table. As well as one mythical Pokemon angrily gesturing at the other three asking why they are so dismissive.

“John, that dish is cursed. It has to be. How I don’t know but that can’t be safe to eat.” Celebi floated as far away from the dish as possible, keeping her eyes on it.

Ok, maybe shying away was the wrong way to put it. They were doing whatever they could to put something or someone else in between them and whatever meal Jirachi had brought home. Even Manaphy was unusually animated, literally grabbing Celebi out of the air in order to use her as a body-shield.

“Guys. It can’t be that bad.” John brazenly remarked as he walked towards the kitchen. Then he stepped through some invisible barrier and was instantly met with the smell of death.

“Cough cough On the four legs of the llama, what the hell is that?” Staring at the unphased Jirachi, he had a feeling that this was either a prank or some type-related monstrosity.

“It’s just a dish. It’s honestly really good. Just try it.” Jirachi said, before taking a small piece of it, putting it on his plate, and eating it.

John was… fearful, to say the least. It was probably the worst thing he had smelt in his life.

However, staring at the other roommates, he understood that no-one else was going to move unless he did something. And if he didn’t eat it Celebi would probably be held asleep at night for weeks about the “demon food” so he doesn’t have a choice.

“If I die here, make sure to tell my family I love them.”

John didn’t really know who he was talking to. But… he felt it was necessary. He grabbed a plate, before taking a serving of the food.

He stared with contempt. Whatever this was on his plate would either be the best thing he’s eaten or it would literally kill him. All he could wish was that his family and friends would go on without him.

Mew floated ever closer to the food, but still outside of the artificial barrier they set up.

Celebi hid in the corner, peeking around a couch cushion for cover. 

Manaphy and Jirachi were currently talking to each other. About what, he wasn’t sure.

Welp. No more time to hide away.

He took his fork, took a portion of the food and bit in…

…

‘ This is honestly delicious. This might be the best food I’ve had other than my mama’s cooking... when she was around at least… nope staying away from that train of thought. Regardless… how is this so good? ’

John dug in to the food, eating the rest of it in seconds before calling out, “It’s safe guys. Come on, eat up!”

So, begrudgingly, the other members of the household all gathered around, eating.

Much to their delight, it was as good as announced.

__

Fifteen minutes later

With the meal finished, dishes put away and a new respect for John developed in most of the other mythicals, everything looked to be well.

However, John realized he couldn’t find one of the roommates.

“Hey, Mew, where did Manaphy go?”

Mew put a paw to his chin. “No idea, honestly. I think I saw her leaving earlier. Why do you ask?”

“Well, um…” 

A portal opened up behind John and Mew, and through the portal came Celebi and Pinky, who were engaged in a fistfight. 

“I’m telling you, I couldn’t have-”

“Oh no, you definitely swapped our bodies! Get back here-”

The two vanished within an instant, and John scratched his head. 

“Yeah.”

He could guess what she was up to.

Chapter Text

Thunder boomed to the cloud-cloaked flash of light, at night, past the rushing drum of heavy rain against the small windowpane. The whole building trembled beneath the remorseless sound, but the figure darting precisely across the room paid the windswept lashing storm outside no heed; there in his dim room, only barely illuminated by a sole remaining fluorescent light, the staccato refulgent flash of forked incandescence only served to punctuate his fervent, feverish pace. So close! Here and now , asymptotically edging close to the genesis of desire, of a new species , one step, one glorious leap of inspiration further!

There, framed by lightning’s crashing light, Mew got it. 

At last, laughing in crazed relief, he slotted the final piece into the splayed mass of tendons and flesh and electronic symbionts, organs and machines hung in a constellation of vast complexity before him, and was finished . “I’ve… I’ve done it! They said it couldn’t be done, but here I stand, with the culmination of my efforts, complete!” He knew, thinking with complete rationality, that only some of his roommates had doubted him… but eyes flicking madly across the tangle of viscera and steel, Mew was beyond logic.

Shakily, he grabbed a mug and drank deeply of something bitter that was probably coffee before gesturing grandly, eons-old mind devoted entirely to completing this final step with utter, absolute precision- “be made real! ” Slowly, innumerable parts began to fit themselves together, their very genomes shifting as he knitted together flesh and welded silver-chrome plates of metal that yet wasn’t, and was something more - a being slowly taking shape before. A brand new pokemon, not fully mechanical or biological yet something between, a past magnum opus iterated and evolved… yes, surely Indeedee would love him for this. That thought was only fleeting- for the entirety of his attention had to be focused on putting together everything just right-

“Hey Mew! Do you want some gummy fish-” even before Jirachi started speaking, the mythical’s exuberant entrance had already been enough to disturb the delicate creation. “Ooh! What’s this?”

Mew jerked back in horror as the delicate process hitched then kept crashing down, all the energy he’d invested into his great working over the past few weeks running rampant unguided. “Jirachi…” and he had put a lot of energy. “ Run .”

He fled in a torn moment of teleportation, but not fast enough to avoid a final, agonizing sight- the twisted, grotesque horror clawing its way towards him…

He saw, there, the birth of an abomination.

…Jirachi would probably be fine. Probably.

Chapter Text

It was a quiet day. Jirachi and John were playing games, Mew was trying to concoct another experiment in the sink, and Manaphy lay wasted on top of a table. Life was good. 

…Until Celebi showed up, anyway.

“Guys guys guys guys guys guess what I just remembered-”

“Huh?” John, briefly startled, paused his game to gather his thoughts. “What is it?”

“It’s my birthday!” Celebi tittered with a childish glee. “Soooooo I wanted to party with you all!” 

“Oh, excellent!” John looked at Jirachi. “I wish Celebi had a birthday cake.”

Jirachi’s third eye glowed, and a mass of wax suddenly slammed into the table next to them. It landed on the carpet with a thud, but John could see brief splattered bits beneath it. As John eyed the wax closely, he realized it was a melted mass of candles.

“Celebi… just how old are you?”

“Hm…. good question. Lemme just double check real quick.”

Celebi entered a portal, and a moment later, re-emerged. 

“Okay, so my best friend doesn’t really know either but he estimates it’s somewhere between fifty million five hundred and six and seventy seven million two hundred thousand. Oh man, I’m so excited for adulthood! It’s coming up close!” 

As John grappled with Celebi’s age, a roaring sound and Mew’s swears emanated from the kitchen. The group looked over to find Mew being held hostage by a large tentacled mass, with Mew himself being hooked on a massive three fingered claw. 

“Can you bloody tossers come and help me or are you all just going to stand there gaping like a child in a candy store!? Come on already!”

Celebi sighed, and in a flash, she had wacked the tentacle beast into a wall. The beast retreated down the pipes, leaving Mew lying on the countertop. Celebi sighed.

“Yeah, you’re in charge of the cake now.” She patted him on the head. “Have fun.”

“Wait,” asked John. “What about the tentacle thingy?”

“It’s somebody else’s problem now.” 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Scream Tail went about doing her job of cleaning the dishes, she heard a violent rustling in the pipes. She bent over to look inside, only to find a beast emerging from within. She violently fell off the chair, as the beast began to tear apart all of the plateware. She began to panic, for she had two problems: Dealing with the tentacle thing, and explaining this whole thing to her trainer. She wasn’t quite sure which was worse yet. 

Chapter Text

John’s office was abuzz with excitement as he sat there, doing his work. He wasn’t quite sure what had happened, but from the brief snippets he had overheard, it seemed to have something to do with money. He wasn’t sure if it was the boring business like stock prices or whatever went on in that division of life, or just some other thing, but he could frankly care less.

“John, something up?”

Samantha walked over to his desk, placing a few more papers in front of him. She regarded him with a confused look on her face.

“It’s nothing, I’m just thinking…”

“Let me guess, it’s about all the talk going around the office about that new Juguliscoin thing?”

John stopped entirely, brow furrowing as he looked at Samantha fully. 

“Juguliscoin?”

“Yeah, look.” Samantha pulled out a small coin from her pocket. “This is a Juguliscoin. It’s all over Hoenn right now. It’s got pretty good exchange rates, so everyone is in on it.”

John looked at the coin more closely, finding it to be made of gold, with an etched outline of the Not-Hydreigon’s face plastered on its side. 

“Even you’re into this, then? Looks kind of… scammy.”

“It does, but hey, free money is free money. Best to get a jump on it before it all crashes like Timecoin did a few years back.”

John nodded, and Samantha waved goodbye, leaving John at his desk, confused. He was going to need to talk to a few people.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

“Look, John, how was I meant to know that the strange robot we dragged home was into cryptocurrency?”

“Look, Celebi, do you have any -”

“Of course not!” Celebi slammed the table angrily. “He ripped off my whole thing! Little scumbag, I swear…” 

Celebi wandered into a time portal she opened up, disappearing in a flash. John sighed, walking into the living room, where Jirachi was in the middle of a very heated game with a username John could recognize on-screen. His attention, however, was drawn to Mew and a massive gray and gold dragon sitting on the couch, one John remembered not too fondly. 

“Hm, so this is Juguliscoin…” Mew flew around the coin, observing it quietly. “Yes… seems kind of boring to me, mate. What’s gotten you into this rubbish, Giratina?”

The dragon sighed. “I just… like the design, is all.”

“Oh yeah, probably because it’s all gold and boisterous like you are, mate. Personally, I’d-”

Mew and Giratina began to squabble leaving John perplexed as angry shouts echoed out of Jirachi’s microphone. He looked to the ground, finding Manaphy sitting next to a filled bottle, though this time, it didn’t appear to have any liquid inside of it. 

“Manaphy, what is-”

John grew horrified as he saw just what was inside of the bottle: a massive stash of Juguliscoin. Manaphy looked at John silently, shrugging, as she continued to stare at the screen Jirachi was playing on. John was beginning to wonder if the entire world hadn’t begun to go insane, at least, more than usual. 

Still, it was just a fad, he assumed. It would fade away soon enough. In about a week’s time, everything would be back to normal.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

One week. In one week, Juguliscoin had spread to other parts of the world. In one week, people had started to offer him Juguliscoin donations on stream. In one week, the job he worked at now had proper Juguliscoin exchange rates, and in one week, practically everyone John knew was doing Juguliscoin. Even Aster and Tandemaus had hopped onto the train, and that wasn’t even beginning to mention how his mom had been bugging him all week about it as well. 

All in all, John was slowly being driven insane. 

Everyone was suggesting that John should invest in Juguliscoin, that he should have some, but John declined every time. He wasn’t interested in Juguliscoin, and he wasn’t going to start being interested now. 

Of course, that had died down over time. Everyone had begun to grow more and more sluggish around the office, for whatever reason. Less Juguliscoin propaganda, and more working. It was odd: his friends were never on task. 

When John returned to the apartment later, he found the same strange story. Jirachi was fast asleep, Mew had slumped on top of an unfinished experiment, and Manaphy was… actually sober for once. She waved hello, and then immediately ran over to the unoccupied video gaming system. John grimaced. It was all highly unusual behavior. 

It was then that Celebi was suddenly flung across the room, slamming into a wall. Celebi weakly attempted to open her eyes, but slumped and fell to the floor, motionless. Seconds later, Pinky arrived, cackling madly, with Jugulis at her side. 

“Excellent… excellent!” She flew over to Jugulis, gripping him madly by the throat. “Don’t you see, Jugulis? With the entire world under submission, I shall easily be able to conquer it!” 

Jugulis raised an eyebrow. “Why do you want to conquer the world, exactly?” 

Pinky shrugged. “I got bored one Sunday. In any case!” She pointed at John accusingly. “You! You didn’t buy a single lick of Juguliscoin?” 

John shook his head, and Pinky fumed, grasping at Jugulis in a wild fury once again. 

“I swear, the insolence of humans these days! I shall destroy you!”

John dodged the suddenly appearing Future Sight attack, which instead blew a hole into the floor of his apartment. Pinky growled, but John raised a hand in front of him.

“W-wait! Uh…” He paused momentarily, but his eyes widened when he realized an escape route. “You want to explain to me your evil plan, right? What’s your whole Juguliscoin deal?”

Pinky smirked, putting her hands on her sides with pride. 

“And here I thought you’d never ask! It’s simple, Johnny boy! These Juguliscoins harness the life force of those around them, and use them as power! I can do whatever I want now, and you’re all fools to try and stop me!” 

“And how did Jugulis get roped into this?”

“He does anything if you ask him. Watch.” Pinky motioned at the countertop, where a Juguliscoin lay. “Jugulis, eat that.”

Jugulis, without hesitation, leapt onto the countertop and gobbled up the coin. He raised his primary head into the air, whirring pridefully, as Pinky lightly snickered under her breath. 

“Alright, that’s enough of that. It’s time for you to die, human.”

“I think not.” 

A shadowy hole suddenly appeared from the floor, and from it came a large shadowy mass. John could recognize who it was from outline alone, for it happened to be-

“Giratina!?” Pinky doubled back, terrified. “What are you doing here!?” 

Giratina’s form solidified, and he glared at Pinky. He carried in one wing a single piece of Juguliscoin.

“I uncovered your scheme rather quickly, little Celebi. These Juguliscoins… the drainage of the life force of others… so cruel. And for what? Losing what threads you had is no justification for this kind of suffering.”

Pinky scoffed, trembling. “A-and? What do you intend to do?”

“Well, let’s just say I have some friends in high places.” Giratina’s eyes glowed menacingly. “And they aren’t very happy with you.”

A bright light filled the room, and all inside covered their eyes. When the light cleared and their eyes readjusted, the group found that nothing had really changed, though that assumption changed once they saw the Juguliscoin Giratina held in his wing begin to dissipate. 

The four stood in silence, and Giratina, wordlessly, departed back into the portal from whence he came. Pinky stared at John, nervously chuckling.

“So, uh… nice prank, right? Um… anyways bye-”

Pinky quickly ripped open a time portal, fleeing the scene. John made no move to go after her, for he knew she would be back soon enough with another scheme. 

“50 UH… C4N 1 JU57 11K3-”

John sighed. “Knock yourself out.” 

As Jugulis pounced on John’s refrigerator, he was mentally cursing to himself. No day ever seemed to be normal with these guys.

Chapter Text

Rare are the moments that the entire household could be seen in one spot (concerts not included, they all make time in their schedules for those). If John wasn’t currently at work, which he often was, there was no guarantee the other four would be there at any given moment. Jirachi was typically off with a friend, Mew was performing some experiment somewhere, Celebi was probably fighting Pinky, and Manaphy was… doing Manaphy things.

Seriously, where does Manaphy disappear to at 9:00PM?

Regardless, John called all five of them together on a brisk morning in order to “share the good news.”

Ignoring Celebi, who was currently attempting to figure out what grade of explosive she should use for her next bout with Pinky (much to everyone else’s displeasure), they were all gathered silently on the couch before John walked in with a large bag.

“Alright. Admittedly, I had meant to do this awhile ago, but it is surprisingly difficult to find all four of you in one place. I would’ve done this after the local concert but someone blew up the way home.”

John forced himself to not stare at Jirachi.

He didn’t need to. Jirachi could feel the pointed stares of both Mew and Celebi, who were glaring despite the fact they didn’t even know what was in the box. Just that there was a box with something in it… who were the mature ones supposed to be, again?

John reached into the bag. From within the bag he pulled out four, smaller bags. Those bags were then handed off to the other four individuals within the room.

“Open it.”

“Now why should I do that mate?” Mew replied, grinning. “What if there’s a bomb in here or something? Wouldn’t want to get myself injured, would I?”

John sighed, already exasperated with Mew’s behavior. “Mew. Open the box, or I will round you to kingdom come.”

Mew “ignored” his statement and just continued to smile at him.

“Alright, I’ll just be taking that back then.” John stated nonchalantly.

Mew flew back out of his reach. “NO- I mean, I’ll open it, no issues.”

“Was that too much to ask?”

“Yes.” Came a chorus of replies from Celebi, Jirachi, and Manaphy.

…ok then.

Mew’s tomfoolery out of the way, the four opened up the box.

“Are these… phones?” Celebi asked, genuinely shocked at what she was holding.

“Yes, Celebi. Between Mew searching up information and you searching up random dates for reasons I probably don’t want to know, I barely have access to my own devices at times. I’m seeking to remedy this.”

“But these are all top of the line. How-” Celebi stopped, obviously confused.

“You’d be surprised how much money the concerts are making for us. That didn’t even put a dent in the account. It might not seem like it at times, but I do care for all of you. I’m not going to get you a garbage device because I’m mildly inconvenienced some of the time. I’m going to get you something worth your time.”

A moment of silence passed over the group.

Shockingly, it was Jirachi who floated up to John, right before giving him a hug (a hug that John did have to transform to hold because steel types are heavy).

“Thank you, John”

John couldn’t exactly recall why Jirachi was so touched by this, but she accepted it, patting Jirachi on the back.

The others watched the touching moment in silence.

Chapter Text

“So.”

“So.

“How do we solve this issue then?”

Jirachi sat inside of Manaphy’s drained fish tank, sitting aimlessly as he stared at nothing in particular.

“I dunno, he seems pretty peachy to me.”

“Well he’s very obviously stuck!”

“Did you try putting your hands in and picking him up?”

“Yes! That was the first thing I tried.”

“And why didn’t it work?”

John walked up to the tank, punching it, only for it to be blocked. “Someone put a force field around it!”

Mew scratched his head. “Oh, so that’s where that went.”

John sighed. “Look, any other ideas?”

“Hm…” Mew flew around the tank, eyeing it carefully. “Based on my designs, teleportation should be impossible without external help, no attack will work…”

“So how do we get inside?”

“Revel in terror, mortals, because I will end you all!”

The pair turned to find Pinky, the Valiance behind her, standing in the doorway. She winked, but before she could complete her grand entrance, she caught sight of Jirachi sitting inside of the container. She squinted, looking at John and Mew with a look of absolute confusion. 

“Why is my brother-”

“Forcefield, stuck.”

“Ah.” She stretched. “Lemme try something.”

Pinky opened a time portal, and another opened inside the tank. She dove inside, entering the tank via the portal, and snatched her brother in her arms, only to be struck by force applicable to hitting a brick wall on her way out. Pinky was confused. 

“How is that-”

“The force field also blocks attempts to get out.”

“You could have told me!” She grumbled. “I wish me and my sibling were no longer stuck!”

Jirachi’s third eye snapped open, and with a waggle of a finger, Pinky was outside of the fishtank. She stretched, breathing a sigh of relief, only to notice Jirachi’s absence next to her. She turned around, and found that Jirachi was still sitting in the tank.

“Why didn’t that work!?”

“I dunno.” Jirachi shrugged. “I swear it did work… I felt something!”

“Yeah, well teleporting only me out ain’t getting us anywhere… what else could we do…”

“I WISH TO MAKE AN INQUIRY.”

“We could try and use some Potential Rays to destroy the field… no, that’s too risky. Maybe a temporal-spatial hyper jump… still too risky.”

“CAN I-”

“Oh! We could make a quick jump to the future, grab some special cutting techniques, and then-”

The group recoiled as the lead Valiant shattered the fish tank, reaching a hand in and retrieving Jirachi from its confines. It handed him to John, and John nervously took him. 

“THERE. YOUR IDIOCY IS NOTED.”

“Don’t be playing crass with me robo-sunshine!”

“YOUR ATTEMPTS AT AN INSULT ARE NOTED, ALBEIT UNSUCCESSFUL.”

Pinky groaned. “I swear, you-” She lightly hit the Valiant, sighing. “Right, we’re talking this out like the grown adults we are. Come on, let’s go.”

Pinky opened a portal, waving goodbye to her brother as she departed. The Valiance entered behind her, though the lead one glared as it exited. John, holding Jirachi, stood with Mew in a flood of broken glass and crushed dreams, an awkward silence held between them. Mew eventually broke the silence with a single question.  

“She’s an adult?”

Chapter Text

Pressing silence and cozy warmth settled still and poignant throughout the apartment. It was the night before christmas, and all through the apartment not a creature was stirring… none but two mythicals crouched behind the hallway’s door. “Jirachi… what are you doing?” John rubbed sleepily at her eyes, floating to a stop beside her most childish roommate. “It’s really late. Even if you don’t have school you still have to be in bed by bedtime-”

“ Shh!” Jirachi was silent for a long second, not even looking his way as he intently observed the coffee table by the christmas tree, where he’d left…

  “Are those cookies? And a glass of milk?”

Jirachi nodded quickly, and John had to admit- it was adorable. “ You’ve gotta be quiet! Santa won’t come if he knows we’re watching. ” She’d done much the same thing as a child, so for the wonder of long nights spent waiting for presents beside her father, warm sleepy darknesses long past remembered still, she let Jirachi nestle up against her and waited for him to fall asleep.

Something scraped in the darknesses.

Jirachi mumbled sleepily as the noise echoed again, a quiet yet implacably unnatural rasp that slowly grew, echoing in the cloying warmth. The sound of wood on hard , something, and another implacable, indescribable, rhythmic sound besides. “ Huh? ” She only realized she’d been so invested in finding out what exactly was causing that noise when Jirachi yawned, awake again and eager . “ John John John! He’s finally here! ” All tiredness forgotten, it was clearly all he could do to keep himself from dating out from cover. “ Any second now- ”

Jirachi froze as it ascended the staircase, impossibly tall and grotesque, shambling forward on spindly- wiry sinuous, muscled- limbs too many. Its steps lumbered, jerky motions as it dragged itself forward with pained, gurgling gasps, a slick of mucus dripping from pustulent sores left on the floor where it stepped.

“Jirachi…” John dropped her voice to a whisper, watching in bated horror as it reached out, knocking over the glass of milk and wrapping its gnarled and twisted fingers around a cookie with the screech of distended metal as it opened its jaw way too wide . “I wish we were anywhere but here- ”

Jirachi’s eye snapped open, a wrench of power lurching with the disorientation of teleportation and- they were dropped unceremoniously in front of the nine foot tall monstrosity. 

Its mouth snapped shut around the cookie with a brutal abruptness before it focused its gaze on them- burning and agonized and laden with a hated , endless and infinite, for all things.

To say that the rest of their night was unenjoyable was an understatement.

Chapter Text

“Your eyes are prettier than a thousand sunsets… and I have witnessed many more than that-”

“I’m gonna stop you there, Mew.” Tandemaus looked at Mew disapprovingly. “That statement implies you’ve been with other girls, and if there’s one thing girls don’t like, it’s that they hate being compared to other girls.” 

“Well, I mean, if it’s favorable…”

“It also implies you’ve been with at least a thousand or so people, and it’s not great to tell a new date you have a success rate lower than the room temperature in Snowpoint City.” 

As if on cue, Celebi warped into the room, majestically twirling in a flare of bright green ethereal light. She winked, landing in front of Mew with a bow. 

“I hear that you’re having issues with flirting?”

Mew scratched his head. “Something like that, yeah.” 

“Allow me, then. What’s your current strategy?”

“Well, I was thinking of giving them the old one two combo! Tell em how beautiful they are, and then-”

“Wrong!”

“Huh?”

“Beauty is only skin deep. I mean, look at Manaphy. She’s nice and all, and a real looker too, yet no one’s gonna date an alcoholic blubbering about fish and lost children or whatever.” 

“So what are you…?”

“You need, Mew, to show that you love her, not tell her. You need to show that you care for her far more than just what looks would allow.” 

Mew huffed. “Fine then, Mrs. Know It All. Show me how it’s done.” 

Celebi winked, and she walked over to Tandemaus. Tandemaus eyed her hesitantly, but Celebi kept staring at him with a bright smile on her face. She dusted his shoulder, sighing.

“Wow, Tandy, you must go through a lot. I mean, living in the vents, having to deal with romance practice every day… must be painful.”

Tandemaus scoffed. “Tell me about it. Some days I wish I could just get a break.”

“Well then, do I have an offer for you Tandy! See, I know a pretty nice massage place downtown, and let’s just say that it’s a family business . I can get you in for a nice day of rest and relaxation to get your woes away from your mind.”

Tandemaus blinked. “That… would be great, actually.”

“Excellent! I can book us a dual session tomorrow, and we can chat a little, get some TLC… a mini-vacation almost!”

“You’ve got yourself a deal, Celebi.” 

Celebi snickered, turning back to Mew. “See, it’s not that hard. Sometimes you don’t even need a big expensive adventure. Just roll with what you know will help them.”

Mew sighed, smiling softly. “I think I get it. I might try some of that, mate. Thanks.” 

“Great! Cause you’re gonna be without a practice partner tomorrow.” 

“What-”

“Tandy and I are going to the spa! In fact, we can go right now! I’m not a time traveler for nothing!” 

“Wait wait wait, hang on-”

Tandemaus shrugged. “Well, what are we waiting for? The sooner I am in my zen, the better.” 

Celebi giggled, opening a time portal, and before Mew could react, the pair of them had gone and left. Mew longingly stared at where they stood, releasing one last huff before turning around, only to find Giratina digging through a box of chocolates in the hallway. Mew sighed.

“I’ll let you keep that whole box of chocolates with no repercussions if you help me out.”

“Deal.” 

Chapter Text

“Oi, something smells nice. What’s cooking in here?”

John, hurriedly rushing from the stove to the table, didn’t respond to Mew as dumped some ingredients in a massive pot. Mew sniffed the air contentedly, but did no more than that, warily watching John from afar.

“Wow, your food smells wizard but your skills lack tact. I could easily do something better than that in my sleep!”

John, sealing the lid on the pot as if he were attempting to contain some putrid beast, eyed Mew with mild annoyance.

“Look, I’d like to see you try.”

“Is that a challenge?”

“Oh no.”

“You know I love me some challenges.” 

Mew winked, and the pact was sealed. A sinking feeling of dread overcame John as Mew hollered into the other room, and three other Mythicals ended up waddling in, fluttering in, and whacking their head on the doorframe on the way in. John had a sneaking suspicion this was going to end in one of three ways.

“To cookery! Now!”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Mythicals, apparently by agreement, said they’d all make meals one at a time to prepare for John to test; this way, they could see who was the “best cook” of all. John wasn’t sure why they named him judge when he himself was the competition, but alas. 

The first out of the gate was Jirachi, who sat down next to John sadly. His third eye frowned, and John scooted closer to him. 

“What happened?”

“I, uh… can’t cook. They decided it might be better to make me sit out than have me set the kitchen on fire.”

“Fair enough. Mew’s stupid, but he isn’t that -”

The kitchen promptly exploded as a fireball shot out of the doorframe. Celebi exited, coughed once, and instantly fell face first to the floor. John shook his head with heavy disappointment. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

John, now surrounded by Jirachi and Celebi, the latter of whom was arguing that John should really get a Super Oven from a store that won’t exist for another eighty-seven years, eagerly awaited a proper meal to test. He was beginning to grow concerned, however, by the fact that Mew was taking a while.

After a few more minutes, Mew emerged from the kitchen, carrying a simple hamburger. John eyed it curiously.

“Behold! A hamburger! Simple yet delectable.” He winked. “Give it a shot.”

John picked up the hamburger. It was light to the touch, and its ingredients of the highest quality. The salad leaves were freshly washed, the tomato slice looked fresh enough to be home grown, and the meat-

“Mew, this meat looks… odd. What is it made out of?”

“Well, I needed to get the greatest hunk of raw food I could think of to completely and utterly wow you, so I decided to get it from only the finest of sources.”

“Really? Where would that be?”

The two stared silently at each other, Mew’s face deadpan as John’s sarcastic smile slowly began to lower. His eyes widened as he looked rapidly between the patty and Mew, who had not blinked once yet.

“Mew, you didn’t-”

“Hey, consider this a privilege! I don’t trust many people with meat grown from my-”

“So, funny story, I think my appetite’s suddenly flown away in the wind.” John nervously chuckled. “What a coincidence, I feel the sudden need to use the bathroom-”

“Oh?” Mew tilted his head, doing his best to restrain a smile. “But I thought you said you always loved my cooking?”

John shook his head. “Not this.” 

Before the argument could continue, Manaphy exited the kitchen, waddling towards them with a comically large tray of food laid out on trop. She placed it onto the table with a thud, and John got a full view of the several course meal she had laid out in excruciating detail, the contents of which were too lavish to describe. The other four all stared at the meal for several minutes in a state of shock, with Manaphy eventually breaking their gaze with a cough.

“Well, are you going to eat, or what? Food’s getting cold.” 

“Nothing, it’s just… how are you the best cook out of all of us?”

“Oh come on!” Mew pouted. “You didn’t even try my Mew Burger!” 

“I had a good reason not to.” 

“That reason being?”

Mew and John glared at each other as Jirachi slowly shifted away from them, snatching some snacks off the side of the tray while doing so. He stopped a good few feet away, and noticed Celebi was flying next to him with popcorn in hand. She shook her bag, and Jirachi took a few pieces.

“You think they’re gonna fight?”

“Not really fight… it’s more like a lover’s spat than anything.” 

“Oh, alright then.”

They looked at the pair, who were still arguing. Manaphy was attempting to shuffle the tray away from them as they bickered, taking care not to bump into either of them. 

“And I’m telling you, Mew, that it’s nothing personal-”

“Oh, really? You mean you don’t like what my meat tastes like? That’s very personal!”

Jirachi and Celebi looked at each other, sighing. It was going to be a long day.

Chapter Text

As John sat at a table in the Magcargo’s Fast Food chain down the road, he was content to let the Mythicals run amok in the playplace, which they took far too much delight in. As a result, he and Manaphy remained, sipping coffee, as John read the local paper. It was a shame how many of those headlines were caused by people and Pokemon he knew, but alas. 

Of course, as he sat there, peacefully drinking his beverage, he was sent reeling back by the sudden arrival of Celebi out of a time portal, who wordlessly dropped a letter in his lap as she retreated back into the portal. 

John picked up the letter, labeled “Urgent!” and read its contents with intrigue. 

Dear John,

We are currently trapped in the Magcargo’s PlayPlace. We are currently in the bubble facing the dining area, do you see us waving at you? Please get us out- we haven’t eaten our order yet. 

Sincerely, 
Your Best Friend and Bester Friend

John raised an eyebrow, but turned around, finding Mew and Jirachi waving at him from inside the PlayPlace bubble. Jirachi looked on the verge of tears. John shuddered. He had a sneaking suspicion that this trip into that ever-shifting maze was going to be a substantial detour.

Chapter Text

Manaphy looked over her shoulder, though the alleyway she was inhabiting was completely empty. She released a relieved breath, and began to stroll, putting her arms behind her back as she began to whistle. She continued along for a minute, before casually knocking her arm on a nearby plank of wood with a specific three beat pattern. A moment later, an entrance revealed itself, and Manaphy slunk right in.

She hopped step by step down the dank, murky stairwell, the mysterious wispy guard closing the door shut behind her. The stairwell was coated in darkness, save for the flames of the lanterns on its walls. 

She soon made it to the final step, where a decrepit bar was manned by a Leavanny, who was wiping up a mug. He bowed upon spotting her, and the patrons sitting at the chairs all called out to her happily. Manaphy bounded over to her friends, leaping onto one of the chairs and tapping on the table. 

The Leavanny eyed her curiously. “The usual?”

Manaphy nodded. “The usual.”

Leavanny continued rubbing the glass, not moving. 

“Are you sure? You’ve ordered the usual for every day the past week.”

Manaphy planted her head on top of her arms, looking unamused. 

“It’s been one of those weeks. You know how it is.”

Though the Leavanny wished to say more, he nodded. 

“One usual, coming right up.”

Leavanny turned around, and as soon as he did, one of the patrons placed a relaxing hand on Manaphy’s back. She turned to find Salazzle, downing a bottle, smiling reassuringly. 

“It’s alright dearie. You’re free to party with us for as long as you like.”

The pair were interrupted as they felt the warm touch of metal on their shoulders. Both of them eyed each other as they turned to find one very-not-mentally-intact Chandelure. 

“Merry Thanksgiving boys and girls! Who’s up for a game of foosball!?” 

Salazzle chuckled nervously, pushing Chandelure off of the pair. She eyed Manaphy for support, and little Mythical sighed. 

“I’m afraid we’re not up for…” She eyed the beaten up dartboard behind Chandelure. “...”foosball” right now. Important matters, you know how it is.”

Chandelure chuckled. “Of course of course! I understand dominoes aren’t for everyone.” He looked at nothing in particular with a wistful look in his eye. “I once knew a domino. She was remarkably pretty, and her eyes… there were oh so many of them…”

Chandelure heartily laughed as he carried on his rather confused tales. Salazzle just rolled her eyes, and turned back to Manaphy. 

“We really need to stop letting that guy in here.”

Manaphy shrugged. “He’s incorporeal. There’s nothing we can really do to stop him from getting crazy on the alcohol fumes Slugma tends to leave in here.” 

“I swear, I tell him every time that that’s not the way to do it.”

“I mean, how is he meant to do it?” Manaphy grinned. “I don’t see him turning into water like me any time soon.”

“I still question how that works.” Salazzle eyed Manaphy. “Where does the alcohol go?”

Manaphy winked. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Salazzle smirked. “And what do I need to do to know?”

Manaphy yawned. “Buy me a drink, obviously. The good stuff.” 

“You know that’s outside of my pay grade.” She knowingly smiled. “And besides, don’t think I don’t know about how you’re feeling.”

Manaphy giggled. “See? This is what I mean. You always make me feel better.”

And two laughed along merrily, as Leavanny smiled behind the bar. As he finished preparing Manaphy’s drink, he caught wind of a new presence along his antennae. He eyed the entrance slightly, on guard, only to see his worst fears realized.

A human walked into the bar, though she appeared remarkably lost. She wasn’t exactly an easy one to miss, as her clothing was entirely a bright crimson interlaced with white, a single splotch of blue on her shirt sleeve. Her hair, somehow the same color, extended down to her knees. Leavanny, if this were a normal customer, would have forced her out on the street after subduing her, but there was something that piqued his interest.

“Welcome, customer. I take it you want to order something?”

The girl suddenly stopped, eyeing the bartender with trembling eyes. Salazzle and Manaphy both watched the girl curiously, though Salazzle was cowering behind Manaphy, who wasn’t too pleased to be acting as a Pokemon shield. 

The girl eyed the floor, nodding, as she walked over to the bar to take a seat. Manaphy looked at Leavanny, who simply nodded as he prepared a weak apple cider. A pause of silence hung over those gathered, though Chandelure continued rambling to a misplaced statue. 

“So, girl.”

The girl perked up, but immediately dropped her head, as if pretending she hadn’t heard anything. Leavanny knowingly smirked, though he hid that behind his turned back.

“You’re remarkably silent for a human, you know. Didn’t hear a step on the way down, and let me tell you… I have a remarkably good sense of hearing.” He turned around, placing an apple cider in front of her. “Care to explain, Latias ?”

The girl fell out of her chair, tumbling onto the floor below. Leavanny’s smile didn’t waver, but he looked over the table to find a mass of Latias on the floor, confused beyond belief. Manaphy watched curiously, while Salazzle looked at the dragon, shocked beyond belief.

Latias got up, rubbing her head, a moment later. She flew over to her seat, hesitantly taking the apple cider. She took a sip of the drink before placing it back down. She had a saddened look on her face.

Manaphy put an arm on her back, and Latias eyed the little Pokemon curiously. Unlike her usual self, Manaphy looked determined. Latias flinched, eyeing the floor, but a moment later, spoke.

“I… it’s nothing. I just…” She weakly tried to force a smile. “Family issues, y’know?”

“You’re too young for the bar, kid.” 

Latias looked at Manaphy, blinking in surprise. Manaphy motioned her head over to Salazzle, who looked nervous about being put on the spot, but regardless, sputtered out what she could.

“I… w-what she said. You sound young… How old are you?”

Latias sighed. “Fifteen and three quarters.” She chugged a bit of her apple cider. “But I’ve experienced enough where I can say I’m more mature than most people my age.”

“Kid, I…” She coughed. “Look, take it from me. While I can’t get drunk, I’ve seen my fair share of people succumb to things they thought they could handle over the years. I’m not going to let you start something.” 

Latias didn’t respond, continuing to stare at her drink. She idly swished it about with one claw, and Salazzle sighed. 

“Look, I… what happened?”

Latias choked up slightly, her composure loosening.

“Brother… he… well…” She trembled. “Let’s just say I lost him.” 

Salazzle silently nodded, as did Leavanny, who silently refilled Latias’s cider. She thankfully nodded at the bartender, but went back to moping not even a moment later. Salazzle eyed Manaphy, and she immediately leapt into it.

“Trust me… I get the feeling.” Manaphy somberly smiled. “I’ve lost things too, and let me tell you, I went down the exact same path you did.” She chuckled. “Look at me now.”

“They’ve all lost things, Latias,” said Leavanny, washing a glass. “Take it from them. We’ll help you any way we can, but the way you’re choosing… it’s not the way to go; especially not for someone as young as you.” 

Latias paused for contemplation, but Salazzle looked at Leavanny incredulously. 

“Everyone?” She eyed the back of the room skeptically. “Even Chandelure?”

Leavanny nodded. “Yes, even Chandelure.”

As if on cue, Chandelure materialized directly in front of the three, causing all of them to immediately be startled out of their seats. Chandelure giggled, and Leavanny disdainfully rolled his eyes as he continued to clean glasses.

“Yes! You see, I lost my youngest sibling at a young age!”

Salazzle got up, a saddened look on her face.

“Oh! Chandelure, I’m so sorry-”

“Don’t worry about it, I was the youngest sibling!” He snickered. “I got better! Let me tell you, death is like a solid six and a half out of ten. Kind of mediocre if I’m being completely honest…” 

Salazzle and Manaphy both looked at each other, sighing, while Latias’s face was covered in a mix of unbridled terror and uncontrolled confusion. She looked at the pair for advice, and they just motioned to go along with it. 

“ WH47 15 UP MY F3110W 84r P47r0N5!?”

Manaphy and Salazzle’s faces shot up in horror as one of the more… unusual regulars entered the bar. They both looked at Leavanny, bargaining looks on their faces, but Leavanny simply shrugged. 

“Sorry fellas, can’t deny a willing patron their order. Even if…” He eyed the newcomer. “They’re a bit unusual.” 

Iron Jugulis settled down at one of the empty seats, and as soon as he did, the pair of Manaphy and Leavanny motioned for Latias to follow them. The trio took a step into the stairwell, Salazzle eyeing the bar nervously. 

Leavanny eyed Jugulis shrewdly. “The usual, I take it?”

Iron Jugulis happily nodded, and Leavanny sighed as he pulled a bottle from beneath the bar and poured Jugulis a single shot. Jugulis happily chugged it down.

Latias prodded Salazzle curiously. “What’s so bad about this guy? He seems overeager, but nothing… bad.” 

Salazzle simply motioned to keep watching as Iron Jugulis made a motion of rubbing its mouth. 

“ 4H! N0W 7H47 H175 7H3 5P07-”

Jugulis suddenly stopped, its eyes seizing up. Salazzle whispered a “here it comes” to Latias as Jugulis’s arms began to twitch rapidly. 

“\u0053\u0079\u0073\u0074\u0065\u006d\u0020\u0065\u0072\u0072\u006f\u0072\u0021\u0020\u0053\u0079\u0073-”

Jugulis’s innards flared to life, and within seconds, what the pair had dreaded arrived.

Jugulis exploded. 

Latias shrieked as a blast of electricity coursed through the area, knocking Chandelure into a back wall. Leavanny, somehow, seemed unaffected. As the dust settled, Jugulis lay knocked out on his seat as Leavanny dusted himself off, looking disappointed. He leaned over the counter, waving at the trio behind the door.

“It’s on the house if you can help me clean this mess up. Sounds good?”

Salazzle walked over to the bar, eager to help, as did Manaphy, though she stopped as she noticed Latias wasn’t following them. She extended an arm to Latias, who was lying nervously on the floor, smiling.

“We can’t really promise you alcohol… I doubt Leavanny’s conscience would let him do that- but we can promise you some help with your troubles. What do you say?”

Latias nervously looked at Manaphy’s arm, and then at Jugulis. She sighed. 

“Well… I suppose it is entertaining enough here.” 

Latias extended a claw, grasping Manaphy’s arm. Manaphy smiled.

“Then let’s begin.” 

Chapter Text

Mew had to admit, the biology lecture itself was pretty fun. It was remarkable how detailed a taxonomic tree they’d managed to make without time travel or first person accounts, and was actually pretty cool what life had been up to since he’d last really checked in on it. Gave him some inspiration for those robots…

On the other hand, lab was hell.

They’d just escaped a particularly rough DNA lab where he’d been forced to handle all the delicate equipment for fear of Jordan or Spencer- the two squabbling fools who had the dubious displeasure of being his lab partners- breaking it all. He’d tried a lot over the past few weeks in an attempt to escape the torture, to… varying degrees of success. Trying to do some of his own experiments in class hadn’t gone as well as he’d hoped, using frankly unfair psychic techniques to inspect the genome had made the phylogeny assignment pathetically easy, and when he’d split himself in two and left one half at home Jordan and Spencer’s bickering had been a constant nagging in his ears.

Now they had a- theoretically simple- projects. All they had to do was go out, take some pictures of leaves, and write down the percentage of each leaf that’d been damaged then find… something. Some correlation. Easy! What could possibly go wrong?

A lot. Two weeks later- two weeks! His partners still barely knew what they were doing, and Spencer hadn’t even submitted the data he should have had days ago. He didn’t know what he was doing with how ridiculously vague the instructions for the assignments were, so he was currently stuck in a hell of his own making (figuratively, this time) between the two who were both arguing over clearly incorrect ideas. Why would Jordan ever think that soil variability was a good data point? They’d only collected vague observations on that for a single tree- and don’t even start on the struggle of preventing Spencer from just throwing in a bunch of random, falsified data because he couldn’t be bothered to walk five feet outdoors and find a tree .

“Wait-” Mew glanced up at the twiggy boy, half holding his breath in anticipation of at least one good idea- “why don’t we just estimate the soil type?” Or not! Mew dropped his head onto the desk. If he had a brain, he’d be having an aneurism about now…

Chapter Text

The sound of a firework going off in his room had been enough to wake him, but if it hadn’t been getting pushed out of bed by Celebi would’ve done the trick too. “Whu- what- what’s happening? Are we under attack?”

Celebi shook her head, excitedly dragging John out into the living room. “Happy new years!”

John paused, staring in confusion at the decorations and… everything. It looked like someone had been partying all night , which would have made sense on new years- except… “Celebi, it’s not new years.”

“What? Of course it is! Here, have this.” She shoved a glass of champagne into his hand before raising one herself. “To a brand new year, to hopes and dreams, to everything that’s happened and will happen- to goals and the goals we’ve met! Happy new year’s, everyone!”

“Blimey mate, John’s not lying when he said it wasn’t new years.” A tired looking mew wiped at his eyes, yawning, saccharinely adorable for the simple gesture. “You’ve got your dates messed up you absolute bloody tosser. I’ll have some of the champagne.”

Celebi passed the psychic cat a glass smugly. “It’s good stuff, isn’t it? A three hundred year old vintage from one and a half millennia in the future, artificially recreating the Little Ice Age conditions for the… the taste represents… if you look at the tone the winemaker was trying…” she rambled on for a short while proudly describing… future people’s pretentious wine, which had apparently been a little bit of a task to get even for her . “Anyways, happy new years! Manaphy!” It took a second for him to realize that she wasn’t congratulating the water-type, more desperately trying to pry the bottle of wine from her grip. “Don’t drink that! I spent eons getting my hands on-”

Manaphy drank it.

Jirachi was the last to arrive to the chaos, rubbing sleepily at his eyes as John slid him a glass of (non-alcoholic) grape juice. “Um… it’s new years? The teachers said that wasn’t until after winter break…”

John sighed. “No. It’s not new years. Celebi just got her dates mixed up.” Jirachi blinked in confusion at that, glanced at where Mew was trying to do… something, Manaphy was flopping across the ground in sad drunkenness, and Celebi was trying to convince everyone that it was . In fact, new years day. “Want to go back to sleep?”

“ Please .”

Chapter Text

John rolled the dice, then grinned. “Go fish.” On the opposite side of the table, Kibby groaned and handed over her cards. “Also, I’ve conquered Alaska, and I’m going to build a hotel there now.” It was Samantha’s turn to scowl at him as she handed over the territory card. “Now that’s what I call gaming! Woo!”

Samantha snorted. “Real good sport, huh?”

“ Um, mom? ” Kibby glanced up nervously from where she’d just finished her precombat main phase. “ The disaster hasn’t gone away. ” 

Samantha couldn’t understand Kibby, but she didn’t need to as a sickly, spindly appendage reached up from underneath the table, twisted and bloodied metal scratching furrows into the varnish as it clawed itself pitifully up until it towered over everyone at the table. A slick mucus dripped slowly across its horrifying, asymmetrical visage, slowly pulsating and shifting with each choking gurgle of a breath.

It reached forward, the grind of metal on metal and restructuring bones viscerally painful to listen to, and dropped a single card onto the central pile. “ U… no. ” It smiled, and in that too-wide near pained grimace there was a fathomless, unsettling hunger .

John shared a glance with his two guests. “We… should probably run.”

They ran.

Chapter Text

“Go Fish!”

“Manaphy, this is UNO.”

Manaphy and Salazzle sat at the bar table, happily playing cards. To their left sat Latias, who downed an apple cider, quizzically watching them. Chandelure was floating above Slugma, seemingly content, over in the corner, chuckling ominously. A quiet peace hung through the air. 

But not for long. 

“ WH47 15 UP 64M3r5!?”

Though the groan heard throughout the room was audible, Jugulis did not seem to pick up on it. As he sat down at the table, everyone mentally braced themselves, bar Chandelure, who did not seem to understand what was going on. 

Before Jugulis could order, however, a portal in time suddenly appeared, to Manaphy’s acute interest; from this portal came the exact opposite of who she expected, however.

“Behold! It is I-”

“Are you here for a drink, or not?” asked Leavany, unamused. 

Pinky flared with anger. “A drink !? The only thing I drink is victory and power, not alcohol!” 

Leavanny shrugged. “If you want that, I’m afraid that’s not entering your hands any time soon.” 

“Why you little-” Pinky huffed. “I’ll show you! Valiance, attack!” 

From behind Pinky, a trio of mechanical Pokemon emerged. They resembled Gardevoir, albeit with a more combat-oriented appearance. Bright blades colored their hands, and their eyes glowed ominously.

“I picked these three up in your distant future, and what a right proper lot of work it was to get these going!” She shrugged. “But you’ll see that the effort was well worth it!”

“MUST ERADICATE ALL HUMANS AND POKEMON! SEEK, LOCATE, DESTROY! SEEK, LOCATE, DESTROY! SEEK, LOCATE, DESTR-”

“Forgive my counterpart.” One of three Pokemon giggled. “She’s a real meanie, isn’t she?”

“I MUST REQUEST THAT UNIT TCL-008 REMAIN SILENT FOR THE PURPOSES OF-” 

“Mistress, Unit DLK-063 is acting irresponsibly given the situation. Permission to restrain?”

“No!” The youngest of the three stomped its foot. “Why can’t I do that?”

“REMAIN SILENT, I SHALL-”

The three Pokemon began to brawl amongst each other, all bickering about who should have the right to restrain the other. The bar goers simply stared, confused, while Pinky just looked like she wanted to be anywhere else.

Unlike the others, Jugulis looked positively ecstatic, as if he were an over-excited Growlithe pup.

Salazzle took notice, and nudged Manaphy. 

“Should we… um… do something about that?”

Manaphy shrugged, throwing a rock at the most aggressive of the three Pokemon. It whirled around, only to find Manaphy pointing at Jugulis. The moment it saw Jugulis, it donned an exasperated look, putting a hand to its head. 

“THIS IMBECILE AGAIN…”

“ H0N3Y! 175 833N 50 10N6! ”

Jugulis bounded over to the Pokemon, happily smothering it in his hug. Her expression did not change at all. 

“I WOULD EXTERMINATE YOU IF IT WERE NOT FOR MY OBLIGATIONS.”

“1 10V3 Y0U 700 D34r.”

Pinky furiously yelled. “Enough!” She pointed at Manaphy. “This is between me and her. Valiance, stop the others from interfering!”

The three Pokemon stopped moving, dutifully nodding, as they all took their arm-blades, attaching them together into one weapon. The three spun their weapons menacingly, as they began to push the others away, though Jugulis still clung to the aggressive one. Pinky grasped Manaphy and picked her up, carrying her over to the other end of the room. Leavanny made a move to do something, but Manaphy held up an arm, and he stayed still.  

“So, little Sea Queen.”

Pinky poured herself a drink, carrying a bottle bigger than she was. She pointed at the glass, a gesture Manaphy recognized as asking if she wanted one, and Manaphy shook her head. Pinky chugged down her shot, sighing contently. 

“I hope you don’t think I haven’t noticed your little… arrangement whenever I duel with that wretched buffoon. You’ve been growing close to that human, haven’t you? Same with all of those little Mythicals you hang out with.”

Manaphy frowned, observing Pinky as the time traveler poured herself another drink. She did not look as content as before.

“You have everything I never could have… and even worse…” Pinky slammed her fist on the table. “Is what you abandoned to get them .”

Manaphy went wide-eyed, and Pinky smirked, wagging her finger.

“Oh, I struck a chord there, didn’t I? Yes, your little “secret” isn’t so secret if you know where to look…” She chugged another drink. “And I have my contacts.”

Manaphy’s blue had paled significantly, as if she had witnessed a ghost. Pinky taunted Manaphy, laughing maniacally. 

“Yes… yes… stuck up little princess, playing the role of a queen.” She deadpanned. “Those were shoes you were never meant to fill, and you tore them up and got brand new ones at the cost of the sacrifices you had to make to get them.” 

“What do you want?”

Pinky raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Our little princess wishes to speak?” She cracked her knuckles. “Excellent, then here’s my proposition to you. Return to the sea: shrivel up and die in a corner somewhere, or…” Pinky’s eye gleamed maliciously. “... I’ll do that for you.”

Pinky began to charge an Energy Ball attack in her hands. The bar patrons called out to Manaphy, but they were forced down by the Valiance as Manaphy remained despondent. As the Energy Ball grew more and more powerful, Manaphy’s apathy finally shattered. 

“Stop it!”

Pinky raised an eyebrow, halting her attack as she observed Latias from afar. Pinky’s Energy Ball lessened slightly, and the Celebi appeared confused. Manaphy flared with anger, and she slammed her fist on the table.

“Don’t do this! She’s just a child, she can’t-”

Pinky’s Energy Ball flared to life as she glared at Manaphy. 

“Silence! My quarrel is with you, but…” Pinky squinted at Latias. “This one… there’s something about her…”

Latias and Pinky both stared at each other, confused, and they continued to stare at each other for some time. Everyone in the bar, the Valiance included, all watched the scene, suspense hanging in the air above them. 

“Do I know you, or…?”

Pinky shrugged. “I don’t believe so, but… perhaps…” Pinky’s Energy Ball had fully subsided as she thought to herself. “Time has strange ways of saying hello. Sometimes people do that before you ever get to know them…. And sometimes, it’s the other way around.” She put two fingers to her eyes, and then pointed them at Latias. “I’m watching you.”

Pinky turned back to Manaphy, who had promptly taken a nap while Pinky was distracted. The Celebi angrily shook Manaphy awake, flailing her about madly like a ragdoll, before flinging her onto the table. Pinky’s Energy Ball returned in full force.

“Now… where was I? Oh yes! Our regularly scheduled programming-”

Pinky was suddenly sent flying as a wraith-like form manifested itself where she had been moments earlier. Manaphy recognized that all too long.

“Programming? I love TV! What’s on tonight? Housewives of Unova? Bachelors in Love? Watchog Manor-”

Chandelure glanced around, looking for any form of television, only to, expectedly, find nothing. The ghost sulked. 

“I can’t believe I’ve been lied to! The humanity!” 

Pinky suddenly flew up, weakly hanging onto her arm. She winced as she spoke.

“Valiance! Retreat for now!”

“Mistress, are you affirmative that-”

“Yes! Just retreat! We’ll deal with this later.” 

The Valiance all nodded somberly, and without another word, retreated into a forming time portal. As Pinky entered behind them, she side-eyed Latias, and the portal snapped shut behind her. The bar, silent with the exception of the incessant rambles of Chandelure’s favorite television programs, watched where the portal had been with confusion. 

“MY W1F3… 5H3 13F7 M3 4641N… 7H4NK 600DN355 7H3r35 4 5P4r3 Dr1NK H3r3…”

The entire bar flew into a panic, blindly attempting to stop Jugulis from taking his drink, but unfortunately, all the group recognized was the sound of Jugulis short circuiting. 

Manaphy sighed as she heard the sound of an explosion behind her. She was lucky to be in a bar.

Chapter Text

There was nothing quite like a cup of hot cocoa on a winter day. As the snow drifted down if flurries of white to alight on the sidewalk stone, blank skies and chill winds that rushed over the freshly laid snowbanks-

“John! ” A figure white as the downy snowbanks she plowed through skidded to a stop beside him, kicking up a spray of the powdery white stuff as she stumbled to a stop. “ Thank goodness I got here in time! I sensed there was going to be a disaster and- ” Kibby paused, sniffing at the air. “ Ooh is that hot cocoa? Can I have some? ”

John raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t chocolate poisonous to you?”

“ Uhm… ” she shifted just a bit sheepishly- closer to him and the cup of cocoa she’d locked her eyes on. “ Maybe just a little bit? Like, stomach cramps? It’s snowing though, I’ve gotta have it! ” John laughed and passed her the cup, smirking as she got some of the brown drink on the fur around her face. “ Thanks! Anyways- disaster! We’ve gotta get out of here! ”

“We’ll be fine, Kibby.”

“ It’s literally snowing! How can you say that! ” That was true. Rustboro wasn’t known for its snow, much less the sort of blizzard that was currently swirling around them. 

To be fair, though, it wasn’t their fault… this time. Who knew Rayquaza would get testy over a wandering kyurem? “We’ll be fine. The mythicals will sort it out.”

“What?” Kibby paused, eyes widening in inscrutable realization… “No! I didn’t mean that at all! You know what my job is, right?” Of course he did. He’d known that even before he’d first met Jirachi- she was an OSHA inspector for… dangerous… architecture. “Yeah, we need to move.”

John looked up at the flood of snow falling towards them off his roof. “I think we’re a little too late.”

Chapter Text

Something had been making a ruckus over the past few days, and John was determined to find out what. The terminator had said the apartment was free of infestations, but by that interminable scratching sound, painfully sharp in the silence, he didn’t really trust Iron Jugulis’s word on that. He probably didn’t even know half the things that could infest a house… he swore if Mew had gone and reinvented super-termites or whatever he was going to flip his-

Anyways. He coughed slightly in the silence as the flashlight in his hand swept the dusty dark, the supports holding up the house above casting long shadows in the eerie near-silence. Pressing, the weight of infrastructure above as he crawled, through dust and scraps of construction refuse scattered… lost in the confines of dark and the scratching. This wasn’t going to work… sighing, he let the meloetta transformation steal over him, squeaking musically as she fumbled with the flashlight’s sudden weight.

It fell from her hands, slamming against the concrete below- metal on concrete, a crack of sound0-

Silence, and the totality of darkness. She dragged her small hands along the floor, desperately pawing around her until- there! The flashlight was heavy and almost as large as she was, but it only took a few moments of fiddling to get it to flicker back on.

In the darkness behind her, something scraped , long and scratchily sharp metal-harsh against the concrete- but spinning to face the sound, the flashlight’s beam saw nothing. Only another empty stretch of space… and the sound of scratching.

Closer, this time. Always closer, crawling, a laborious breath rattling through the empty space, moist gurgling… and John knew that she was not alone down here. “Who’s there?” No response, but for the screech of metal and the scratching , louder but never visible as something massive moved in the darkness. “Show yourself!”

The ceiling shuddered , dust knocked loose as a massive object slammed into the concrete floor of the crawlspace, and a long keen of pain cut through the darkness. Finally John could put a finger on where the noise was coming from-

Beneath her.

She dodged out of the way mere seconds before a claw of steel and sinew slammed up through the floor. More fingers than hand should have all braided together in grotesque disfigurement scrabbling to break away the concrete as an abomination , immense and only made more so by her miniscule stature.

The pit widened just enough for the monstrosity to force its head through, and in that baleful gaze as it snarled and slobbered and dragged itself from incarcerations of earth to mete out agonizing violence … 

John knew she was in for a bad time.

#

“ Mew .” The cat glanced up innocently towards the battered meloetta stumbling into his room. “What the actual f- ”

Chapter Text

Snowed in with the power cut, John had come up with a great idea to pass the time- a talent show! Just some fun competition between friends, showing off what they were best at and hopefully seeing some cool things along the way. He’d started with a song, of course, but had finished with a few cool math tricks that got Manaphy and Jirachi gasping in befuddled delight.

It had gone… downhill… from there.

Celebi had time traveled into the future to bring back a copy of Minecraft 2: Rise of Mobbo , which almost threatened to derail the whole event until everyone remembered how much Iron Jungulis had complained about the quality drop. Either way that stunt got her a score somewhere between bad and oh my god stop with the time travel .

Mew had… it was better not to think of what Mew had done. Solid B+. Jirachi got everyone to make a wish, write it down, then drew randomly from them- only to realize they’d all been some variation of ‘ I wish Jirachi loses .’ Needless to say, Jirachi was unconscious in the corner. Manaphy’s slapstick comedy skit had been hilarious up until the point she stumbled off the table and John realized she’d been drunk the whole time.

Victini- and no, John had no idea how Victini could have possibly gotten there in the first place- simply walked up on stage, cleared his throat, and said- “my talent is winning.” Which, to John’s infinite pain, was actually better than everybody else’s…

“And my talent!” Celebi leapt up from where she’d been lying on the couch apathetic but a moment before- “is dropping rocks on your head!”