Work Text:
"I trust you'll keep it safe"
Yae stared at the trinket in her palm thoughtfully. Brimming with celestial power, the gnosis glittered in the sunlight that filtered through the sakura leaves. The kitsune raised to meet her god's stormy eyes - the gentle warmth that Yae had grown fond of was muted, hidden behind a curtain of sorrow. In its place is a bottomless pool of grief and self-pity Ei had quickly drowned into, try as she might, none of Yae’s efforts seemed to help. Though that did not mean she had completely given up.
Yae closed her fingers around the gnosis and held it close to her chest. "What of the puppet? Will it not need this?"
"I've already planned out the necessary alterations to her design, it's been made clear that the gnosis' power is far too heavy for a synthetic to bear"
"And the prototype?"
A pause. "I’ve made sure that he is safe."
Yae doubted it but bit her tongue. She’s wasted far too much of her energy already listing all the ways leaving a sentient puppet unsupervised roaming about could go wrong to Ei. Though she could never understand it, her god had seemingly grown attached to him all too quickly to the point of feeling pity.
"You can do with the gnosis as you wish, I'm sure you'll find better use for it than I, Miko"
"As flattered as I am in your apparent confidence, you’re placing an awful lot of trust in me, Ei. How are you so sure I won't be using it to usurp you in future, hm?"
By Celestia's mercy, that got Ei to smile, never mind that what Yae had just said was downright blasphemous. "You won't. Not unless you really needed to, at least"
Yae rolled her eyes, though mostly out of fondness. Glimpses of Ei's smile had, to her dismay, become fewer. Though Yae supposed that it made them far more precious. The two fell into a somewhat comfortable silence, with Yae staring down at the gnosis again in thought and Ei looking out to the evening sky. Had it not been for the melancholy way Ei had sighed, Yae would not have raised her gaze to find her god staring at the petals falling from the sacred sakura. Her eyes raking in every detail at the shrine. From the fragrant evening breeze that brushed against her mortal skin, to the moonlight that filtered through the branches and leaves, all as if she were imprinting the memory of the evening into her tumultuous mind. What Yae would give to get a glimpse into her beloved’s head and undo all the knots and twists that made her go into a downward spiral.
The kitsune reached out instinctively, brushing her fingers against the back of Ei's hand to bring her out of whatever hole she'd fallen into again. Her god seemed hardly surprised, even turning her melancholic gaze towards Yae.
“What are you doing, Ei?”
Her god intertwined their fingers together, a faraway look in her eye. “Admiring you, of course”
Yae scoffed, seeing right through Ei’s poor attempts at secrecy. “Don’t lie to me”
"I could never, not to you.” Ei insisted, stepping forward and squeezing Yae’s hand that held her tether to Celestia. “I don’t think I’ve expressed my gratitude enough… Inazuma would not be what it is today without you”
”There is a long way to go, still”
“That much is true… but at all odds, I know that with your guidance all the wounds inflicted on this nation shall heal gracefully”
It all felt off, the gnosis, the sadness in Ei’s eyes especially now that she seemed to avoid Yae’s gaze. “Where is all this sentimentality coming from, Ei?”
“I simply thought you ought to know...” She reassured, even if Yae felt anything but. “I must tell you now that I’ll be away for a while, Miko”
Yae nodded her head, still trying to make sense of why Ei seemed to be withdrawing from her. This wasn’t the first time they’d be apart, the duties and responsibilities placed hastily on their shoulders weighed heavy and consumed many hours of their long lives after all but still, this one felt significant. "That's alright... I'll see you again, won't I?"
Ei hadn't bothered to answer, not with words at least. Taking Yae's outstretched hand, she brought her guuji's knuckles to her lips. Yae could not decide whether the fluttering in her stomach was from the act of affection or dread for the words unsaid.
Weeks went on, and Yae’s life remained mostly unchanged. True to her word, she’d kept the gnosis safe, away from prying eyes and greedy hands. Though she still sometimes found herself wondering why Ei had given it to her, Yae trusted that at the very least Ei knew what she doing.
Doesn’t she?
Yae attended to her duties as diligently as she could, getting up early for morning prayers, keeping the shrine’s sacred grounds tidy and looking out for the humans that sought out her wisdom and guidance… as much wisdom a young, 150-year-old kitsune could give at least. Afternoons and evenings were spent mostly the same – prayer, cleaning, meditation. It was familiar, it was routine… and it bored her to no end just as much as it did before she took on her role as guuji.
A lot of the times though, Yae found herself unsure who exactly she was trying to impress. Saiguu was no longer around to chide her if she slept in a little and missed morning prayer, nor was she there to talk her ear off about the importance of tea ceremony and go on a monologue of her own experiences as guuji. For all the scolding, and the long and mostly uninteresting lectures, Yae finds that she misses Saiguu more than she was willing to admit.
If there was at least one truly valuable lesson Yae had learned from Saiguu - not including the ceremonial dances, prayers and recitals - it would be the art of patience. Patience to hear out the woes and prayers of the Inazumans that would make the trek up Mount Yougou, patience to deal with the shrine maidens now under her wing who more often than not neglected their duties in favor of gossip… and most importantly, the patience it required to love Ei.
Saiguu was indeed a good teacher, however even long-life species such as kitsune had their limits. Yae, for all her imperturbability, eventually grew weary. She was no stranger to prolonged periods of silences. Not when she used to wait for days on end at the bottom of the mountain. Though she were merely an apprentice to Saiguu at the time, Yae had found herself having grown close to the kagemusha. It felt like only yesterday that she would greet her god with a warm embrace, uncaring if Ei was bathed in blood that wasn’t hers. Soothing the muscles and heart that ached from the lives her god had to take, all in name of her sister and their budding nation.
For all the nostalgia and her attempts to brush off her sudden unease, Yae could not help but feel that there was something amiss in the air. Though the sun shone brilliantly over their heads, and the summer breeze kissed her cheeks and combed her hair, the guuji remained ill at ease. If anything, the clear skies and serene atmosphere of the shrine did nothing but mock Yae for missing her.
Surely by now, Ei would have sent a messenger crow to reassure Yae.
Excusing it as simply restlessness, Yae slipped away from the shrine, promising her worried shrine maidens that she’d be back shortly after. Yae continued attempting to talk herself out of it as she descended from the shrine, her feet nevertheless led the kitsune guuji into Inazuma city. Had it not been for the tempest of thoughts raging through her head, Yae would have thought to shift into a more unassuming form of another human. The curious and awestruck looks she drew from the mortals that littered the streets were easier to ignore at least. Yae could not blame them either, it wasn't every day you'd see the guuji making such long strides to the palace; completely uncaring for the pain in her human legs that was screaming at her to pay attention to.
The shadow of Tenshukaku loomed over her, the magnificence and scale alone would have intimated Yae, had it not been for the many times she'd already visited the palace. It was her usual visits that assured her that she would not be met with resistance at the entrance, which is precisely why she was now scowling at the soldiers stationed at the door.
"Her Majesty's specific orders are to keep anyone out indefinitely. No one is allowed entry into Tenshukaku unless personally permitted by the Shogun"
The kitsune's long ears fluttered in annoyance, the earring attached to it tinkling. She kept her composure still, speaking in an even tone. "I am Her Majesty's Guuji and closest advisor, does that not exempt me? Besides, it’s urgent"
"Unfortunately not, Lady Guuji" The soldier shook his head, a brief crack in his voice as he struggled to keep himself from shrinking under Yae's irritated gaze. Any other day, she would have probably found amusement in it, but not when she of all people was being shooed away at the palace doors. How ridiculous.
"Does she at least have a reason why?"
"It isn't our place to question Her Excellency's will, we simply carry out orders."
Of course.
Yae stepped back with a huff, what sort of "business" was this anyway that not even her own familiar was not allowed in? And to neglect telling Yae about it? It wasn’t if it was impossible to communicate even with the large distance from the palace to Tenshukaku. The thought did nothing to alleviate her rising anxiety. Yae's lilac gaze landed on the guarded corner next to the royal bathhouse.
"My apologies, Lady Guuji. If it is urgent, we can have your message delivered to the Shogun. Though I cannot guarantee that you will receive a reply immediately..." The human man offered, a vain attempt to placate Yae.
She could just do that. Though really, what could she say without rousing suspicion? Yae should just turn, walk away and brush off her sudden worry and unease as just the overactive imagination of a young kitsune.
"No need. I shall simply wait for when the ban’s been lifted."
Clearly, the only logical thing to do in Yae's naive, anxiety ridden mind was to shift into her fox form and inconspicuously sneak into Tenshukaku. Possible only thanks to the conveniently planted sakura tree that allowed her to jump into the open window of the palace dojo.
The last time she'd attempted to sneak into the palace, Yae had been unfortunately found by Makoto. Much to Ei's amusement, who promptly found her sister carrying Yae around in her arms like a kitten as though she were not a grown kitsune who simply was smaller than most foxes. Yae doesn't doubt that if Makoto were still around, she'd already be smothered in the gentler twin's arms long before Yae could actually leave the room. The mere thought of it left a bittersweet taste in the kitsune's tongue.
She should truly quit thinking of fond memories turned regrettably melancholic.
The pink fox fell onto the floor with a soft yip of complaint, nearly choking on the surprising amount of dust that had begun coating the floor.
How strange.
She knew Ei was busy, but to the point where she'd go on so long and neglect to train?
Yae pushed herself back onto her paws, promptly shifting back into her human form and waving the dust floating in the air away from her face. She soon found that it wasn’t only the dojo that felt oddly quiet, it was the rest of the palace. Yae’s ears fluttered, worry clawing at the back of her mind. She quickly began reaching into her soul bond with Ei in search of her location - she was near, though the connection felt like it was being muffled by something Yae could not fully identify.
"Silly girl… what have you been up to" She mused out loud, already making strides to the other side of the room. Yae made a note to ask Ei about the seemingly abandoned dojo later.
Stormy amethyst eyes greet her at the door mere seconds before Yae could open it herself.
"You." Yae gasped, stepping away in surprise as she found Ei’s face inches away from hers. “What do you think you’re doing here?” She blinked, taken aback by the harsh tone of voice, that was hardly the way she expected to be greeted.
“Ei” Yae released a breath of relief, her shoulders relaxing. Ei looked the same, that at least gave Yae some solace - the same long indigo braid on her shoulder, sleeves of purple and gold falling like water on her arms, the combined hair pieces of hers and Makoto’s on her head glinting brilliantly in the light. Nearly every fibre in Yae's body screamed at her to run and wrap her arms around her god.
If it were not for the cold, detached look in Ei's unusually stony face, Yae probably would have done just that. As much as it physically pained her, Yae kept her distance.
"Guuji Yae" Came Ei's voice, snapping her out of her thoughts. Authoritative and detached, she opened the door wider and took a step into the dusty dojo. "Outsiders are prohibited from entering Tenshukaku without explicit permission. You are trespassing"
Guuji Yae? "I'm no outsider, Ei. Besides that, I came with purpose, your doors might be locked shut but your windows aren’t. An invitation, really. So I let myself in, it isn’t as if this would be the first time" Yae reasoned, her voice wavering only briefly as she found herself stuck in between reaching out and staying glued onto her place. Every detail, every invisible flaw that the kitsune had grown to love looked precisely the same – a beauty in eternal stasis and yet, somewhat changed. Not in the way Yae witnessed herself. No, grief had hardly dulled Ei’s beauty even when she looked upon the kitsune with tear-stained, puffy cheeks. This Ei however, seemed more like a lifeless imitation.
Surely not…? Ei wouldn’t
“Your place is at the Grand Narukami Shrine, not the imperial palace” The stranger wearing her beloved’s face gave Yae a confused frown, even the way her brows knit was eerily similar.
Perhaps the difference was not in the way Ei had looked, but in the gaze that lacked the familiar warmth as she stared down at the kitsune.
“Ei-“
“You seem to have me confused with her, Guuji Yae.” The doll interrupted.
Ei did.
The confirmation of Yae’s suspicions made her mind go blank. For a second, she could not speak, her voice leaving her as she stared. “I can see that now” She could not make out whether or not it was sorrow or anger that made her stomach turn.
The puppet Shogun’s frown deepened, seemingly attempting to make sense of the deflated look in the guuji’s face and eventually coming up with nothing. She was not made to understand emotions.
“I recommend that you leave. I require time alone to better adapt and familiarize with my duties. Consider yourself fortunate that she holds you with such high regards, Guuji. I would not be as forgiving to anyone else for such an act. If you require an audience with me, all you need do is simply ask. It’s quite unbecoming of my shrine’s head priestess to be caught sneaking into Tenshukaku”
Her Shrine?
She wanted to yell.
She wanted to retort back with a nasty remark.
She wanted to demand for answers.
It was not every day Yae Miko could be stunned to silence. In typical fashion, it was Ei, her pig-headed god who could completely shatter the composure Yae had practiced to perfection… Torn between lashing out and relying on the facet of her that feigned indifference, Yae chose the latter. She’d refuse to show that Ei’s sudden departure hurt her, especially to this apparent stranger.
“I’ll be gone for a while”
Awhile, Ei?
It wasn’t as if she wasn’t made aware of Ei’s plans – to seal her consciousness into her twin sister’s blade and to leave the governing of Inazuma to the puppet. The grief that her god carried was inexplicably heavy, not even the prototype could bear its weight. That however, did not stop Yae from thinking that it was far too extreme a solution, so much more now that she was face to face with said thing.
Yae thought she had more time than that... She hadn’t even been made aware that it was finished.
“My apologies, Almighty Shogun” Came Yae’s answer, a mask of detached politeness slipping on quickly. She forced a smile, her heart aching at the simple fact of now speaking to a near perfect imitation of her god. “I wasn’t made aware that you would be taking over so soon. Ei…” A difficult pause. “She had suddenly gone quiet… though I understand now why. I was simply worried.”
“I hardly think ‘worry’ should be a valid enough reason to compel you to scale over walls”
The kitsune, cracked a bitter smile “I certainly see your point, though I wouldn’t say my actions didn’t have their own merit… I wouldn’t have known about you, for example”
“I fail to see the correlation”
“I wouldn’t expect you to”
The puppet’s frown only deepened, if that were even possible. It was too much, all too much, all too soon. The Shogun was correct about one thing - Yae had to leave. She didn’t expect to be able to continue on speaking to the puppet with her sanity intact.
For the first time in decades of her servitude, Yae’s bow towards “Ei” had been anything but sincere and reverent. Eager to vacate the palace and away from the puppet who made her wish she’d done more to convince Ei to stay. “I apologize again for forcing my way into the palace, Shogun… Had I known sooner, I wouldn’t have…” Yae swallowed thickly “Far be it for me to question Her Excellency’s will. It would seem that I’ve neglected my duties for too long. I should be returning to Mount Yougou, if you’ll excuse me”
The puppet hardly acknowledged her goodbye, but also hadn’t protested to her hasty departure. Content to simply watch Yae saunter her way out the door, past the baffled guards and down the steps.
Where there had been clear skies, dark clouds loomed over the horizon. Casting a shadow that chased after Yae as she inevitably reached the outskirts of the city. Amidst the Byakko planes, the illustrious Kitsune Guuji Yae, still cursed with the naivety of youth walked unflinching as the first heavy drops of rain fell onto her shoulders. After having been pre-occupied with maintaining an air of nonchalance walking out of the city, the split second of knowing she was finally, utterly alone, the reigns she had wrapped tightly around her emotions snapped back at her. Torrents of emotions ripped straight through the kitsunes chest, lashing out angrily into the open as tears welled and pricked her eyes; bitterly thankful for the storm that muffled her sobs.
No longer was there the comforting thrum of electricity of their bond that she looked towards for reassurance, gone with the comfort she found in the thunder that clapped in the distance. Yae’s hand flew over her mouth, sharp nails digging into the flesh of her skin as she attempted to forcefully cease the whimpers of a lover and friend wronged.
Ei could not even dignify her with a proper goodbye
A part of Yae cruelly blamed herself, taunting her for failing at the singular goal she had since the very first second her god had taken notice of her as whelp rolling about in the snow. Yae hardly remembers when she’d gotten to the steps of the shrine, or how she’d survived this long without having slipped or tripped in the mud walking with the rain and tears in her eyes. All the noises in the world around her felt muted, muffled and far away even as her shrine maidens rushed hastily towards her in worry. Once again, Yae was thankful for the storm that concealed her tears, even if her damp fur and uniform weighed her down heavily.
Yae Miko dared a glance back out onto the city, watching with a distant expression as it slowly flickered to life in the night. She knew today would not be the last she’d see of the puppet, nor would it become any easier when she does.
“Lady Guuji, you’ll catch a cold…” one of her girls fretted over her, peeling away Yae’s soaked sleeves from her arms as another patted down her hair dry. She hardly protested when they brought her inside, even if they were beginning to crowd her. At the very least, Yae thought, her shrine maidens would always be so adoringly sweet even when she knew they feared her. There was a hollow sort of comfort in that.
“Girls, please… I’ll be fine” Yae insisted, kindly pushing away the several pairs of hands that had been hovering over her in worry; she attempted to keep her tone even. “Really. It’s just a bit of rain”
They hardly looked convinced, reaching out again with towels and warm tea in hand “But Lady Guuji…”
“I said I’ll be fine” Yae curtly interrupted, her jaw tight and ears pinned to the back of her head. They finally stepped back, shrinking under the kitsune’s pointed glare. A wave of guilt rolled inside Yae’s stomach, her annoyance melting away almost immediately. With a sigh, she waved her hand in the air. “I’m dismissing you early today, I doubt the storm will get any calmer by the evening. Be sure to be on time tomorrow for prayer, understood?”
Murmurs of agreement passed through the small group, the shrine maidens meekly leaving her room with their eyes on the floor. Yae watched on, holding her breath until the last of the girls finally left. She exhaled finally, free to go back to stubbornly fighting the sting of tears in her eyes. Even now, in the supposed comfort of her room, Yae found herself feeling ridiculed - surrounded with various sacred ceremonial objects meant to be used in worship of the electro archon. How long, she wondered bitterly, would she be able to play her role of the reverent and ever loyal guuji to the imposter that now sat on the throne? How long until she became the enemy of eternity, all in favor of fulfilling her own selfish needs of being reunited with her god?
Thoughts and questions more blasphemous than the last continued to ring inside Yae’s ear even as she stripped off her damp clothes in exchange for dry ones and settled into her futon. Bringing her blanket to her chin, Yae tucked herself into bed, mourning the empty space next to her. Even if Yae wanted nothing more than to dig herself into a hole and cry herself pathetically to a dreamless slumber for weeks, there was still much to be done. Her grief would eventually pass, that much, at least she knew, but not tonight.
Not when the kitsune knew she’d soon be waking up again to a world where Ei was infinitely out of reach.
“I shall bring forth warmth regardless of the bitter cold. I care not for the glamour of the light when there is the promise of your embrace standing awaiting under the shadows”