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A tiny hand gripped a slightly bigger one as two boys stood in the corner of the living room of their group home. The younger of the two watched with wide eyes and a feeling of nervousness as he held his big brother's left hand in both of his significantly smaller ones. He looked on as adults walked around the room with the children running about, some played quietly with their toys, and some took deep breaths and gave themselves a pep-talk before gathering the courage to step up to the adults who could potentially be their parents soon.
"Do you think we'll get a home today, niichan?" Yuuji turned to look up at his brother with a hopeful smile. Choso seemingly lost in his own thoughts and too busy glaring at the strangers as he held onto his only living family member, missed the heartbreaking yet oh-so-innocent question cast his way. Yuuji tugged slightly at the hand holding his and the boy next to him turned to look down, eyes immediately softening at the sight of the round brown eyes gazing at him full of adoration.
"Hmm?" Choso stooped down to fix his brother's shaggy brown hair, hands patting down some unruly and messy strands that refused to stay put no matter how hard he tried. He focused on smoothing out the wrinkles of Yuuji's Spiderman Shirt. Shifting his focus back to the 4-year-old in front of him, he smiled as he cupped his brother's cheek and rubbed his thumb across the little boy's chubby freckled cheeks, "Can you say that again, kiddo?"
"Do you think we will get a home today? I am tired of staying here. Do you think I'll get to decorate my room with Spiderman? I want Spiderman toys and Spiderman bedsheets!" He exclaimed as his eyes lit up at the prospect.
Choso smiled lightly, trying not to let his hesitation show on his face or through his actions. They had been through this process before, adoption events that is and the story always played out the same way. Several adults always come forward expressing interest in the tiny brunet boy with a bright smile, sparkly eyes and a personality that could charm anyone into loving him with a quick hello but once they learned that he also possessed an almost 14-year-old brother, the enthusiasm and hope for the promise of a home to call Yuuji's own died quick. Choso watched, all too often, as the sweet saccharine words of the adults of a promised future directed at his younger brother turned into apologetic smiles and instantly made-up excuses of time constraints or prior commitments as they left behind a confused boy who didn't quite understand what happened. Still, Yuuji never seemed to lose his sparkle, content with spending time with his brother as Choso read his stories from his favourite book or played with his cars with him.
"I don't know, buddy. I can't say for sure. But whoever comes to talk to you, be good to them, okay? You're my best boy, aren't you?"
"I am always good! You know that! You say all the time that I am the best boy ever!"
Choso smiles at the way his brother humphs indignantly, unable to keep the teasing glint out of his eyes, happy that he was able to divert Yuuji's attention altogether, unwilling to deliver the bad news that people might not want to take in a child if he comes with a 60-kilogram baggage in the form of a 14-year-old brother.
The sound of footsteps and the clearing of a throat pulled the two boys out of their conversation-turned-staring match to see who could break first. Two pairs of confused brown eyes looked up to meet kind ones as the mouth of the person formed a soft smile that instantly seemed to emulate an aura of warmth, serenity, and safety. The tall man who seemed about 6' with blonde hair neatly parted to one side adorned a pair of black pants with a crisp button-down flowing freely around his hips, the sleeves neatly rolled up to his elbows to keep up with the informal yet put-together energy he possessed, which seemed to put the younger of the two boys at ease.
"Hi! I am Yuuji and this is my oniichan, Choso! It's so nice to meet you, mister. I like Spiderman and chocolate ice cream!"
The man locked his gaze with Choso as they smiled at the young boy's enthusiasm.
"Choso," he looked at the older boy with that same gently smile, "Yuuji," he said as he crouched down on one knee to meet eyes with the younger boy who eagerly looked at the stranger with a bright smile etched on his face, his tiny hand clutching the leg of his older brother's jeans, "my name is Nanami Kento. It's so nice to meet you both."
"Hi nanamin, would you like to see my toys and play cars with me?" Yuuji asked, his eyes sparkling with excitement that eased Choso's nerves instantly. He's okay. He's not scared or nervous. He'll be fine. Choso's mind repeated these words on a loop as he watched his younger brother run to the basket in the corner of the room which stored the toys that all the children in the group home shared. Yuuji ruffled through the container pulling out a green, a yellow and a blue car that he set on the floor in front of him as he sat down.
"I like the blue car, so I want to be the blue car. Niichan likes being the green car, so you are the yellow car, nanamin!" Yuuji looked at the two older men with that same bright smile that seemed to be permanently plastered on his face at this point, his happiness contagious as Nanami gave him the same gentle look from their initial greeting.
"Yuuji I don't think I can-" Choso started to interject, wanting to give the adult and Yuuji time to bond and for his brother to familiarize himself with the man that could provide him a home if all went well.
"That sounds absolutely wonderful, Yuuji-kun. I would love to play cars with you and your brother," Nanami said as he crouched down to sit beside Yuuji.
"Come sit down, niichan! No more waiting, I want to play now."
Choso sighed as he sat down by his brother's right side, "Okay, sorry. Let's play."
-x-
Nanami Kento became a familiar face that appeared in Yuuji and Choso's life. He dropped by every single day to play and hang out with the boys. Sometimes, when time permitted, he even took them to dinner where he spoke to them about their day and friends, listening patiently with a soft smile as Yuuji animatedly told him about his friends, his teachers and what he learnt at kindergarten. Similarly, he keenly asked Choso about school, his lessons, and his friends. He took great interest in what Choso had to say about the things he learnt at school and his extracurricular activities like running track and basketball. Occasionally, his gentle smile made way for a quiet chuckle when Yuuji would ask about his day with an exclamation of, "Tell me about your big man job, nanamin! Did you make a lot of money today?"
One such day, a rainy Saturday when Nanami had taken the two boys shopping to get Yuuji a new storybook to add to his collection of bedtime stories to read and Choso, a new pair of sneakers as his old ones were ripping at the seams. They were walking down a busy street in Shibuya, Nanami holding the umbrella in one hand as he held Yuuji's in his other, the little boy gripping his brother's hand as he purposefully tried to direct the three of them in spots where could jump on little puddles of water, the edges of his yellow raincoat sprayed with raindrops as pearls of laughter broke out of his lips, chubby cheeks coloured rouge with a feeling of unadulterated happiness taking over his innocent being. It was this infectious happiness that had both of Yuuji's companions holding back laughter as they watched the young boy squeal and giggle while jumping, his grip on their hands providing leverage to his antics.
"Niichan, I'm tired. Can you carry me?" Yuuji asked after a while, looking at his brother with those big brown eyes that are always hard to say no to and get him caving to Yuuji's every whim and wish. Choso sighs as he crouches down to his knees, hands reaching out to grip Yuuji's much smaller ones as he hooks his knees over his older brother's shoulders. Choso shifts his grip to Yuuji's legs as the little boy's hands reach out to hold onto his older brother's neatly done space buns instead.
"You ready?" Choso cast a look at the younger boy, who nodded as he adjusted his hold, as he stood up to continue their walk to their chosen restaurant for lunch. Nanami, who was quietly observing the two children, smiled gently at the tender moment before following suit.
They were seated in the warm restaurant, away from the wind and water when Nanami broached the subject that had been on his mind ever since he met the two boys three weeks ago. Nanami set down the cup of tea that he used to warm his palms as he looked at the siblings nibbling at their shared plate of gyoza.
"Choso, Yuuji, I wanted to ask you both something," he said to gather their attention from the hushed conversation they were having with each other, Choso's hands stopping mid-air from where they were about to tickle his brother to look at the older man. Nanami smiled before continuing, "How would you both like to come and live with me?"
Yuuji let out a squeal as he hopped out of his seat, running over to crawl into Nanami's lap as his arms looped around the man's shoulders. He squeezed tightly before setting his palms on Nanami's cheeks, locking gazes with a bright smile grazing his face.
"We get a home?! Nanamin can I have my own room? I want Spiderman walls and Spiderman blankets and a Spiderman toy and Spiderman pyjamas. Can I? Can I, please? Niichan likes Spiderman too but not as much as me. Please Nanamin, please?"
Nanami chuckled, setting his hands on Yuuji's back to steady him.
"Of course, you can have a Spiderman room and Choso can get whatever he wants in his room, okay? Choso? How does that sound to you?"
Choso smiled nervously as he nodded his head, his fingers nervously wringing as he held back his tears. He couldn't believe his ears, but he didn't want to voice his doubts in front of his younger brother, not wanting to damper the young boy's excitement and unadulterated joy. Yuuji was going to get a home. It would be alright. He'll be fine. His brother would finally have a loving parent who could give him everything he wanted. Choso could make peace with that. He could be fine, if losing Yuuji meant that he gained someone as amazing as Nanami to love him then Choso could let him go. His brother was too young when they lost their parents to remember even their faces, but Choso hoped that they were proud of them. If there was a heaven, Choso hoped his parents were looking down on him, proud for looking out for and taking care of his younger brother like they used to tell him an older sibling should. He would talk to Nanami and tell him that it was okay and that he didn't have to take him in as well. Just the fact that he even included Choso in all their outings and spent just as much time with him as he did with Yuuji was enough to convince the boy that his brother would be taken care of and loved. He would talk to Yuuji, he could convince him with promises of frequent visits and video calls. Yuuji would be okay. Choso would try to be okay. Eventually, they would be okay.
-x-
"Nanami-san, can I talk to you for a second? Alone, please?" Choso asked as the three of them returned to the group home later that evening. Yuuji was fast asleep in Choso's arms, his head resting on his brother's shoulders with a thumb sucked into his mouth as he snoozed away in dreamland, with a heart full of joy and a belly full of ramen and laughter. The younger boy stirred at the sound of Choso's voice causing the older of the two to gently rub his palm on Yuuji's back, instantly settling him as Choso turned back to look at the blonde man next to him.
"Yes, of course. Are you okay, Choso? You've been very quiet this evening."
"Yeah, I'll be okay. I'm gonna go put Yuuji down in our room and I'll be back. Can we talk outside on the porch? I don't want anyone intruding."
Nanami nodded in affirmation before turning around to take a seat on one of the armchairs on the front porch. Choso quickly but gently bounded up the stairs to his and Yuuji's shared room, laying his baby brother down on the lower of the bunk bed and ensuring he had his favourite tiger plushie and the nightlight on before pressing a soft kiss to the boy's forehead and exiting the room as he closed the door gently behind him. He found Nanami in the same spot he left him, the man was scrolling through his phone with a serene look on his face that always seemed to soothe everyone around him. Choso sat down on the chair next to Nanami and sighed, his hands automatically going up to rub over his cheeks and cover his eyes as he braced himself for a conversation that he knew would take a lot out of him. But it is for Yuuji. Yuuji's happiness. Yuuji's safety. Yuuji's future. That was what was important. Choso could figure his own out later. It was all immaterial until Yuuji was okay.
"What's wrong, Choso? Are you okay?"
Choso rubbed at his eyes again, willing the tears that he knew would make way eventually to halt their tracks for now. He rested his hands in his lap, fingers wringing as he formulated his thoughts into sentences.
"You don't have to take me in too, you know?" He whispered, voice cracking slightly.
Nanami's brows furrowed as confusion crept into his face. He turned his body to face Choso's, giving the young boy all his attention as nothing but an aura of distress and melancholy radiated off of him.
"What do you mean? I must admit that I am very confused by what you're saying."
"I appreciate all the effort you're putting into getting to know me and my brother. You took us to the park, you took us shopping for school supplies and you bought him toys and me, books. I appreciate it so much, I really do. The others? They didn't even try before. As soon as they found out that I existed, they didn't want him either. Almost like I was a burden to carry, the extra baggage that came with him. You considering me and getting to know me is proof enough that you're a good man. You'll take care of my brother. You'll give him a good home and an even better childhood. You will love him the same way I know our parents would have if they were here. So, it is okay if you only want him. You don't have to take me in as well," Choso blurted out in rapid succession, his eyes which had been trained on his hands were quickly becoming blurry as his breathing got faster and progressively shakier. Tears, which he tried so hard to prevent, quickly trickled down his cheeks no matter how hard he tried to keep his composure.
"Choso, can I ask you something?" Nanami muttered gently as his hand reached out to rest against the young boy's shoulder. Choso hummed, the capacity to utter words escaping him.
"Have I ever made you feel less than in comparison to your brother?"
Choso looked up with wide eyes at the man's blunt words.
"No, of course not."
"Then, can you tell me what made you think I would only want to adopt Yuuji?"
Choso sighed, "Well, in the past when someone had been interested in adopting Yuuji, they always backed out once they were told about me. Yuuji is young. He was only two and a half when our parents died in a car accident, so he doesn't remember them very well, if at all. I guess, in a way that makes it easier for him to adjust to a new home and a new family because he barely knew his old one. You can't miss something you don't remember having. I was 12 so of course I remember it happening like it was yesterday. I don't know if that is the case or if it's because I am so much more older but people don't generally want me as well. But you? You're different. You are actually the first adult who approached us, both of us. You seemed genuinely interested in knowing both of us and I cannot tell you how much that meant to me. Your effort showed me that you are a good man and you will keep my brother safe. So, if you only want to adopt him, that is okay. I don't want to burden you. I will talk to Yuuji. You don't have to worry about it."
Nanami got up from his chair and moved to crouch down on one knee in front of the young boy. He reached his hands out into Choso's line of vision for him to take and his fingers curled around the 14-year-old's palms as his thumbs rubbed gentle circles on the back of his hand.
"Choso, I want you to listen to me carefully, okay?" He paused as he waited for affirmation from the boy to continue. "When I said I would like you both to come live with me, that is exactly what I meant. You, both. You and Yuuji. You mean just as much to me as Yuuji and you are just as important to me as him, okay? You are also a child just like him. You are not a burden or extra baggage that he carries. I would like the opportunity to take care of, provide for and give you a good childhood if you let me. I apologize if I ever gave you the impression that I only spoke to you to get approval to adopt your brother."
Choso shook his head as his shoulder heaved, sobs wracking through his body at the man's blunt but absolutely necessary words. The importance of the words striking down on him like lightning bolts jolting his body in quick succession. Nanami did not think he was a burden. Nanami wanted to adopt him too. Nanami wanted to provide him with a home again. He could have a home again.
A significantly smaller and bony body crashed into Nanami as arms wrapped around his neck. He reached a hand out behind him to steady himself on his floor while wrapping his other around the boy. Choso turned his head away from Nanami's shoulder, tears soaking the beige cardigan worn over a baby blue button-up. His chest felt tight with the intensity of emotions coursing through him as he tightened his grip on the man's neck. Another arm wrapped around him as Nanami gently rubbed his back to soothe him.
"Hey, it's okay. You'll be okay. I'm here now. I'm sorry you had to go through that," the adult whispered as he tightened his embrace around the poor young boy. Choso hadn't felt comfort like this in a while but the warmth of the hug, the gentle hum of Nanami's voice and the steady hands on his back provided a net of safety he didn't think he'd ever get to feel. Nanami felt like the prospect of a better life. He felt like the first ray of sunlight after a harsh winter. He felt like the warmth of a fireplace, of a steaming mug of hot chocolate. He felt like the familiarity of a pile of old books sat next to frames of photos of family vacations, and milestones like birthdays and graduations. He felt like the familiarity of knowing exactly where to leave your shoes at the front door, exactly which spots on the stairs to avoid so they don't creak, like watching the same movie again and again because Choso knows exactly how it would end. He felt like the comfort of knowing that tomorrow would be a better day because he was safe and sound with his brother being exactly where he should be. To Choso, Nanami felt like the promise of a home, a happy childhood, and a family that he never thought he would have again. For the first time in a long time, Choso didn't have to worry about Yuuji, if he ate, if he was making friends at kindergarten, if he liked his teachers, if he needed new shoes or clothes or books.
For the first time in a long time, Choso could just be and he quite liked the sound of that.