Chapter Text
"..."
"...Heh..."
A huff. Jax stared at where the abstraction cellar had just closed.
"..."
"...Heheh..." A breathy chuckle, flat and emotionless; yet his lids raised into a smile.
"..."
"Keheheh!!!" A giggle, soon followed by others. Everyone around had their eyes on Jax, some showing concern while others had speculation written on their faces. Now was not the time for laughing.
"Kahahahahaha!!" The laughs came harder, he held his head with a hand for support. Tension was growing as he started leaning onto his legs, it was getting harder to keep himself upright.
"...Jax?", someone had asked.
"This place is %$!# hell!", Jax shouted through his laughing fit. His laughter became strained as he fell to his knees. He fought back tears as his ears went all the way down behind his head, a very rare occurrence to the rest of the group.
Everyone was confused, scared even. This behavior had never come from Jax before. It was strange. It was common knowledge that he had seemed to hang around you more than the others. But what could have caused him to react this way? Had there been something they missed?
Whatever it was, Jax seemed to be losing himself, and they were not about to have two abstractions in one day. His laughter turned to sobs as Ragatha approached him hesitantly, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder with a calm but stern voice. "Jax, listen-"
Jax quickly shot up and whipped around to smack the hand away as he got back on his feet, tears streaming down his face. Whatever words he tried to say caught in his throat, unable to speak. Realizing this, his face scrunched up in frustration and he ran, ignoring the shouts of worry for him to come back. He could not be seen like this.
He ran to the only place he knew he would be safe; his room. He raced in and locked the door behind him, collapsing onto the floor with more choked sobs.
He could have stopped this...
If he had just tried...
But he couldn't.
He hadn't.
He was incapable of saying the right thing and it cost him the mind, the livelihood of someone he held so dear.
It was his fault.
If someone else had just been there...
But no one was.
He didn't think to get anyone for help.
It was his fault.
If they had just...
But they didn't.
It was his fault.
If he had just...
But he didn't.
It was his fault.
But maybe if-...
It was his fault.
But-...
It was his fault.
It was his fault.
IT WAS HIS FAULT!
YOU'RE GONE AND IT'S HIS FAULT!!!
"!!!"
A particularly painful pang in the back of his head broke him out of his thoughts. He tore his hand's grip away from his ears to rub at the spot and looked behind him.
There was blood on the door.
"?"
He moved his hand to look at it.
There was blood on his hand.
Ah.
And he came to the realization that his entire head hurt. So did his eyes. And his chest and throat as well. As a matter of fact, everywhere hurt. His legs hurt from running, his lungs were in pain from heaving and being forced to still as he held his breath to keep himself from crying out, his ears ached from gripping on them, his eyes stung from tears, and the back of his head felt numb from banging it repeatedly against the door.
Though, it seemed to keep him grounded. It seemed to distract him from the heaviness of his heart for the moment.
If he hadn't been facing the door, he might have missed the sudden knock coming from the other side. His ears perked up at the sound despite the pain.
The knock had sound in a particular pattern that he recognized as Ragatha's.
Ugh...
He got up despite his wobbly legs and wiped his tears away with his sleeve before cracking the door open.
"Wha'dya want?" He asked bitterly through the tiny gap. He had merely opened it just enough to look through the other side; he did not want to be seen.
"Jax..." God, he didn't like her tone. "Are...are you-?"
"I'm fine." He cut her off. A blatant lie, but he can't deal with any more emotions right now. The faster he gets rid of her, the better.
"...Right." She stated. "I'm just making sure because we don't...y'know...want another-"
"I'm fine." He repeated with a harsher tone, interrupting her again. God, this was %$!# agonizing.
"Alright, I just-" Jax slammed the door in her face, sitting in front of it to keep it from opening.
Ragatha began banging the door, having found a spark of frustration through her concern. "Jax, were going to talk about this!" She shouted.
"There's nothing to talk about." He quipped.
"Jax, please," She begged. "We don't- I don't want you to go too…"
Jax groaned. And opened the door again but only enough to reveal his face to Ragatha. It was clear that he'd been crying.
"I'm…." He hesitated. "I want to be left alone, okay? But…I'm fine…" His voice sounded scratchy.
Suddenly, Ragatha's frustration with him had melted away, now simply having the urge to reach out to him, but decided against it. "Alright," She said, a little more reassured. "But if you need anything, let me know, okay?"
He gave a hum of confirmation before closing the door again.
He decided to call it a night early, he'd gone through enough today in his personal opinion.
He can deal with this tomorrow.
…
Hopefully…