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“Remember that conversation we had?” Leon’s voice broke Ada’s trance as she admired the sunset from his vast window. Ada looked over to Leon to find him hunched over sitting on his bed, dirty blonde hair covering his eyes almost entirely as seemed to try hard to fight off sleep.
“Which?” Ada questioned. Leon rubbed the back of his head, as if he was trying to get his thoughts to form a coalition of memories.
“Our favourite songs? Our favourite romantic songs?” Ada smirked and laughed a bit. She does remember that conversation. A date early in their relationship that she had set up; as per request of Leon. It was a random question that she threw into the mix as she shifted through her CD’s to try and find the perfect song to set the mood of their lovely night.
“Yeah? Why?” Ada replied. Leon stood from his bed and walked past her, fiddling with a record player that sat in the corner of his room. Ada swore that wasn’t there before, always somehow keeping track of items he bought or got rid of in the back of her head. He moved through a small collection of records that sat beneath his record player and pulled out one and showed it to Ada. She didn’t even know he had a collection of records, even if it was five records at most. Ada tried to get a quick glance of the albums he had, and they spoke true to his personality, most of it being rock from the 90s. She’s sure she’s heard these songs many times before playing in his apartment, she just never knew they were coming from a record player.
“I bought that album; with the song you were talking about. Bought it and completely forgot.” Leon stood up and pulled the record from the sleeve, carefully placing it on the player trying to find where the song was.
“It’s actually really nice.” He continued. “Way better than the song I picked.” Ada remembered. His choice was Truly Madly Deeply by Savage Garden. She remembers that she laughed at him a little against her will; not that it was a bad song, but she didn’t expect that answer under any circumstances. Leon then moved to say that it was the song he played as he got himself into the shower after Raccoon City, holding himself steady against the wall as he cried for two hours. Ada had to stifle her laugh at this point even if the urge to laugh was stronger as she pictured the image, not even sure if she should believe him. At that point, Ada wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of having her crack up more than once in a single night. It was then she realized that as much as she had constantly suppressed her laughter to his corny one-liners and jokes, she wasn’t going to be able to do that forever.
The song started on the record player, and Ada finally remembers her pick. The soft intro of Lover, You Should’ve Come Over by Jeff Buckley began to play and resonated throughout his apartment. Ada didn’t realize how much she still loved this song, as the sound of it brought peace to her mind. As the slow beat transcended, Leon gently reached for her waist and pulled himself closer. She knew what he was trying to do and it flattered her. Ada lifted her hand and placed it inside Leon’s and he gently moved with her side to side, in an attempt to slow dance.
“I was thinking we could use this song.” Leon began.
“For what?”
“Y’know, for our wedding.” Ada shook her head. She didn’t think he would take her notion so seriously. Marriage was something that they’d been joking about for the past few years, making comments here and there about how they’d reorganize his place or who would take on what role once they’d properly settle down, but Ada thought those fond words were just a way to settle their minds on the fact that they’d probably never be able to properly be together and be somewhat of a normal couple. But as the months went by, Ada found herself actually relishing in the idea. Her line of work was calming down, and soon she felt she wouldn’t have to keep up with its pace anymore. Sure, Leon still had his tormenting job, but in what contract did it say he wasn’t allowed to have a wife? Ada couldn’t believe she was even thinking that way, it was a little sickening, the idea of living a normal life, mostly because she’d never thought she’d have it, but it also intrigued her. It felt like a locked door she had the key to, but was too afraid to open. It wouldn’t be easy, but nothing about their lives were, so what’s some extra baggage? So, for now, Ada played along with the idea.
“Like… for our first dance?”
“Yup.” They continued to dance, Ada now moving both her hands to his bare neck. His arms slinked to her waist and they held each other like two awkward teenagers at prom. Dancing was something they were not used to, especially slow dancing.
“You’re letting me pick the song?”
“I’m letting you pick everything; I don’t want a bridezilla.” Ada laughed silently, smiling as she dropped her head. She didn’t think she’d be a bridezilla. Did she have it her to care that much about material items such as the exact colour of a placemat in a banquet hall?
“What else do I need to decide on?” Ada continued to play along.
“Hmm…” Leon genuinely seemed to stir up some questions in his mind. “What will we wear?”
“For you? It doesn’t matter, just don’t let it clash with my cheongsam.”
“Mmm… you're wearing red?”
“Red and white .”
“Traditional, yet modern.” Ada was surprised Leon would know something like that. Like he’s genuinely done his research.
“And when will it be?”
“The fall; not too hot, not too cold, and not rainy like the spring.”
“And who will you invite?” Ada pondered on that question, knowing it was absolutely ridiculous for Leon to ask such a question.
“No one. I don’t know anyone besides you .” Leon smiled right at her, feeling almost proud of himself that he was the one constant in her life, but also sad that there was no one else’s shoulder for her to rest her head on. Silence loomed between them for just a moment as they moved slowly to the song, the rays of the sun setting warming Leon’s bare chest and Ada’s bare legs.
“Can’t believe I’m talking about this with you…” Ada muttered, she could have sworn she had spoken in her head but Leon gave her a look of mild disbelief.
“With me?” He misunderstood, but Ada teased.
“Yeah, never thought I’d marry a white guy.” Leon interjected with a sarcastic ‘haha’.
“I meant talking about marriage .” Ada continued. Leon had to agree. He thought for a moment, did he ever picture a normal life for himself? Sure, when he was a kid, maybe. He thought he’d settle down with a nice girl, live in a quaint, suburban area with maybe three kids and slowly seep into middle aged dad tendencies until life was finally whisked away. That ‘dream’ fell apart quickly as his life became more of a chore and instead everyday he wished he came home alive and well enough to carry on for at least a few more years. The dream slowly started to piece itself together as Ada made her way back into his life almost nine years ago. Maybe they wouldn’t marry, but at least they’d act like a married couple for weeks on end before they shuffled back to their lonely, miserable jobs and the cycle would repeat. But maybe they could marry? Probably not have any kids, and instead of a quiet suburban house, they’d make do with Leon’s paid-off high-rise condo in the heart of Washington, D.C. (because that sounded so terrible in comparison). Leon would take what he could get in terms of normalcy.
“Can I be honest?” Ada spoke ever so softly. Leon never really knew what to expect when it came to Ada’s vulnerability. It took her a long time to open up and really show her true self to him; sometimes she still held back. But it was moments like these when he felt her facade break that he wanted to hold her close and let her know it was okay to let it all out. Leon nodded.
“Just didn’t think I’d be here.” She was vague, and Leon wasn’t sure whether or not to pry on what she meant, but he did, carefully.
“Here where?”
“Alive.” It stung, but it was true. “Pictured myself dead in a dumpster before the age of twenty-five.” Ada’s words were abrupt and cold, and nothing what he expected at all. She tried to play it off with a dry laugh, but Leon didn’t show a similar reaction in the slightest. The image made Leon wince and concern welled up inside of him as he gazed at this lost expression that settled on Ada’s face as she realized her words escaped her mouth faster than she could process them. Now her brown eyes searched for some kind of line to reach for in Leon’s blue eyes, but he had no words to say. Ada meant it, unfortunately, every word. To her, her life was not supposed to last long. She thought of it as fleeting. But here she was, approaching forty, talking about a life that included settling down and indulging oneself in normalcy. All of a sudden, life wasn’t always her clawing at the strings of survival, praying that one day she’d feel free enough to just let go and let death overtake her. No, she wanted to live, she wanted to live long enough to experience these moments like right now. Where she felt warm and comforted, like nothing was out to get her. She felt like she was choking, but forced her throat to open as she couldn’t bear to see the expression on Leon’s face.
“So, talking about marriage. Living a normal life. It’s just… surreal.” Leon felt that he may have pushed too hard. He was thinking this was just him continuing their playful banter, but then he started asking questions, and his eagerness may have slipped out of him and rushed itself upon Ada in a way that scared her, and he felt sorry. Leon tried to play off his nerves with a smirk.
“I’m sorry,” His voice was beyond sincere, and Ada felt guilty, a feeling not new to her. “I thought we were just talking about it, like we always do.”
“And this time I’m considering it.” This was real, and it hit them like a ton of bricks. They looked into each other’s eyes and a swirl of emotions cascaded through them, but mostly shock. Through all the tumultuous things they put each other through, themselves through, and the trials and tribulations the world thought it would be fun to throw at them, they somehow made it out mostly unscathed. A relationship that went through so many different phases it was hard to tell when it truly began. Maybe it was now. Maybe it was this moment where they realized that no matter what was in store for them out there in the world, it’d be fine if they just held on and faced it together. That running was no longer an option, that denying themselves happiness was a demon they needed to face and destroy because living in fear was the worst possible feeling one could never live with forever.
Ada’s head felt cloudy and she felt a little nauseous for some reason. Her face was contorted in such a forlorn expression that showed her vulnerability that she’d hate to see her own expression right now. She had just admitted to Leon’s face that the idea of spending forever with him was something that she craved, and while she felt he knew it, it felt almost embarrassing to admit. Ada hid herself, burying her face in his chest as he held her close and so tight. He felt so warm; warm to her cold face and made her feel like she could breathe properly, not even knowing that she felt like her throat was closing up. Ada swayed, subconsciously to the music that still played behind them and she closed her eyes, breathing in and out, taking in his scent and aura as it calmed her and soothed her to a point where her fear of everything simply washed away. Leon held her tight, leaning his head against hers, moving with her as he mulled over her words, confusion washing over him at first before it was replaced with a sense of relief. His mind wandered and he began envisioning that dream of a life he once had when he was a teenager, and Ada fit within the images of his mind. He smiled to himself, and the lyrics of the song rang through both of their ears.
It’s never over. My kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder.
Leon brought his lips to her shoulder as the lyrics registered in his mind, continuing to sway with her as he brought himself down to her height, collapsing inward to her frame as she held onto him tight.
It’s never over. All my riches for her smiles when I’ve slept so soft against her.
All of the countless nights they’ve spent together flashed through his mind in an instant, like a reel of their best memories reminding him of what he so deeply loved about her. How their relationship progressed from stepping around each other like they were made of glass until their yearning couldn’t keep them away from each other any longer, and they found themselves falling in love much faster and much deeper than they ever intended.
It’s never over. All my blood for the sweetness of her laughter.
The blood that he spilled for her the first night they met created a red thread that connected them through fate against their wills, as the urge to protect and love Ada crept up on him and through his veins, making him realize that despite it all, his smile never faded when she was around and it was bound to stay with him forever. He didn’t know it would lead to endless days and nights of her slowly opening herself up to him like a treasure chest full of riches, and each jewel was a fragment of her personality that he adored. Ada moved from an enigma to a beautiful woman who was so similar to Leon, in everything from the smallest things such as their humour to even their fundamental fears. She was compassionate, but hid it well, just like all of her emotions, but overtime she showed them to him again and again. She revealed herself through every kiss, every caress, every moment spent together where he was able to open her up like a book and read it with ease. Ada remembers constantly trying to mute her happiness when in his presence, feeling it made her weak or that she was even undeserving, but couldn’t continue that act forever as she grew closer with Leon, and grew to finally feel deserving. Love was bubbling in the pit of her stomach, and she was falling, but it felt like flying.
It’s never over. She is the tear that hangs inside my soul forever.
And that rang true to Leon. That life that Ada clawed at to keep herself alive was really the strings of Leon’s heart, refusing to let him go, because without him, what was the point of it all? She would turn colder, careless, and have little regard for what life she has left. It saddened her to admit that there was nothing else in her life that gave her joy and purpose like he did, but some part of her hoped that one day maybe she could find something else that made her want to live beyond the need of survival. And Leon reached for her shaking fingers that teared at the edge of his heart and pulled her closer and closer, the idea of watching her fall into the depths once again shattering his very soul. He pulled and held her close, despite not knowing exactly what he was holding until it became clear to him over the years. As clear as this moment right now as he held and danced with Ada, dreaming of a life together where they would never have to worry about whether they’d see each other again.
Ada finally lifted her head from his chest and finally bore the smallest smile, shuffling all her negative thoughts to the side, comforting herself with Leon’s gaze in the sunlight that barely shined as the sky turned a sea blue. The song picked up pace ever so slightly, as Ada remembered listening to it long ago. They both laughed at each other as they still realized they were swaying; Leon moving his one hand to her back again as they held hands as if they were waltzing, giggling so softly like they were kids. The final chorus played, louder than the rest of the song as they moved around his room, not even dancing on beat anymore, just stepping and swaying with each other as the lyrics reminded them of what they truly were. Too young to hold on and much too old to break free and run, so they roamed in this middle ground right now that was the chatter of marriage and dancing like teenagers as the sun set in their plainview.
As the song came to a dramatic close, Leon spun Ada around, causing her to laugh with surprise and brought her back around, intertwining her with his arms and leaving them oddly tangled; one of Ada’s arms holding his hand in front of her and one of his hands behind her. He brought a kiss to her petite nose which forced Ada to respond back with a kiss on the lips, somehow untangling herself from his awkward spin and bringing her hands to his face, caressing him and feeling his skin under her thumbs. She separated her lips and breathed deeply, kissing once more, their lips pressing onto each other like there was nowhere else for them to go. Ada’s hand made her way around his face and to his neck as he reached for her face, tucking her black hair behind her ears, kissing her with the same amount of force she gave to him. The sun had set, leaving nothing but blue light cascading through his nine-foot tall windows.
Ada broke the kiss softly, turning her head to the side, leaning her temple onto Leon’s jaw as they stood parallel to each other, hand in hand, dancing to the end of the song. Leon shifted and brought his lips to her temple.
“I think we need more practice.” He quipped. Ada turned to face him.
“A lot more practice.” And they thought they’d have all the time to practise, but they didn’t know what was coming. Everything with Simmons and how it would tear them apart further beyond their imagination. But the distance would make their hearts ache and grow fonder, and the next time they met, there would be no denying what they both needed; a ring to fit on both of their fingers and a lifetime to spend together, forever.