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He sat on his bed, not knowing what to do. It had been days, weeks, months since he lost his so-called friend.
Fukuzawa had not taken care of himself once.
Tears formed in the man's eyes as he sat on his bed, holding his lover's uniform. It barely smelled of him anymore, the scent was leaving and Fukuzawa couldn’t bear to lose it.
He already forgot the sound of his voice, all he sees when he tries to remember is Fukuchi in his arms taking his last breath.
Fully crying now, Fukuzawa stands up, shuffling his feet as he walks. He hadn’t had a good night of sleep since it happened.
Tired, he walks to the bathroom, slowly undressing himself as he goes. He has to shower, he has to take care of himself.
If he doesn’t now, who will?
“Fuck-” The man winces in pain. Multiple sets of scars adorn his body, he hasn’t had the best time recently.
Undressing himself slower than before, now in more pain he steps out of a messy pile of clothes and goes towards his shower.
He can’t decide between a hot or cold shower, cold would be better on his skin but, warm would replace the touch he's been missing.
The warmth he wants but can't have.
After some time of standing there deciding, he chose a cold shower. He steps into the tub and reluctantly turns the water on.
Fukuzawa jumps slightly at the feeling of the water. Ice cold.
He bends and squirms at the feeling, he hates it, his scars feel like they're on fire.
The water stings. At the same time though, he loved it. It made him feel more alive than any time in the past month.
He runs a hand through his hair, noticing how tangled it is he washes it, as well as every other part of his body.
Standing in the shower, cold water hitting his skin like icicles he winces, loudly. He wishes Fukuchi was here, he could at least help him wash his hair.
An hour has passed and Fukuzawa stands in the shower, cold water still hitting his skin.
He hates the feeling but it makes him feel oh so alive.
He’s missed this feeling, he wraps his arms around his chest, rubbing up and down his back, feeling the bumps of skin that has been previously cut.
Even more time has passed when Fukuzawa hears a phone ring.
He mumbles a few swear words as he turns the shower off, now shivering as he steps out.
He doesn’t even bother to grab a towel as he rushes to his phone. The name shows an unknown number, but he answers it anyway.
“Fukuzawa?” a voice yells, in an almost desperate tone. “Did I finally find your number?”
Fukuzawa was taken aback by the voice. Was it who he thought it was? Was it really him?
“Fukuchi..?” the man hesitantly asks this random voice. Slightly smiling in hopes it actually is who he thinks it is.
“FUKUZAWA!” The other man yells out “Please, come to the ADA office, theres so much to share.” he adds in an almost breathless tone
Fukuzawa hesitantly accepts. But he doesn’t want to leave his house just yet.
He still has to get dressed, but theres still another thing. The uniform sprawled out on his bed.
The man shakingly grabs it, his face ridden with tears. Happy tears. He lifts the uniform to his face and takes a deep breath inwards.
He can’t forget this smell.
He never can.