Chapter Text
The words I choose do not do justice to these feelings. Jumbled static does not fit the chaos that rolls around in my head like a tornado. Suffocation does not explain the pressure in my mind. Plague does not come close to describing the dark thoughts that come at night. But I must stick with these words, for they are all I have to use.
But it doesn't do these things justice. It cannot allow you to comprehend the severity of the echoing in my body or the overwhelming feeling of bad in my veins. There are no words to explain these things yet I find myself trying so hard to tell you.
There are times where pictures, colors, emotions and movements are the only way I can convey the things I wish to explain to you. I could not place, in words you would understand, what that tea tasted like but it was magenta. It tasted like magenta and your response was a raised eyebrow and a face that screamed 'are you okay in the head?'
I could not explain how that song made me feel, so I simply moved my arm, mimicking an ocean wave and whispered 'it feels like this', you simply nodded your head and wrote off what I had said.
I cannot explain the scenarios that play out in my head. They begin with words but there are times they will shift into pictures, colors, feelings, movements and emotions. The scenario will continue playing as if there was no change but if I tried to describe it to you, you'd ask me how I got from point A to point D with nothing in between.
I am desperate for you to understand. But there are no words to correctly explain any of this to you, so I will simply stick to using words that make sense to you and hope you comprehend these things that I experience.