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At night, as he was falling asleep, Chris’s world opened up spanning decades and miles.
His sleeping issues had been a recurring theme in his life for as long as he could remember. It hadn’t been so bad during their bunkbed days where he was easily coaxed to sleep by the warmth of a body next to his and the sounds of his brothers’ steady breathing. He was always the last one to settle, but his body didn’t put up much of a fight once his head hit the pillow.
Once they got to LA, however, the seemingly unending pressures of adulthood began weighing on him. As much as he loved having his own room – God knew they always needed more space among the three of them – it quickly became his last choice in terms of where he would lay his head for the night.
He had tried to make due with what he was given. Comfort Netflix watches, music in headphones, ambient fan noises, ocean waves and thunderstorms… none of it helped. Even once he began dragging himself to Nick or Matt’s room with his tail between his legs, he still couldn’t shake those feelings of sadness that seemed to sneak up on him in the darkness.
It was only when Matt brought up his own little falling asleep trick that things changed.
“I mean, it’s going to sound dorky, but I just kind of make up stories until I fall asleep. My Hogwarts Legacy character gets up to all sorts of crazy shit in my head.”
At first, Chris had thought it was a fluke. He woke up the next morning feeling rested and with no concept of when, exactly, he had drifted off. As it continued, though, there was no denying that the little worlds he visited in his head were helping what he thought to be an unfixable issue.
Matt was in every single one of them.
-
In a 70s dance club in San Francisco, Chris stood against a wall, nursing a drink.
The crowd was a sea of bell bottoms and bad mustaches, all floating together to some loud music he had heard his mother play in the past.
Matt was sitting at a booth nearby. 20 minutes of people watching passed before Matt rose and walked over to him.
“Are you going to stare at me all night or are you going to ask me to dance?”
Chris downed the rest of what was in his glass, took Matt’s head, and let the crowd swallow them up.
-
Sometime in the 1800s, he was spinning around a ballroom with his arms wrapped around a woman.
Matt did the same. Chris caught his eye in passing during the many spins of the waltz they were both partaking in.
Chris wondered, a dream within a dream, how he might be able to get this unknown gentleman alone.
They never saw each other again, despite Chris’s attempts at asking around. He saw the intense blue of his eyes in the flowers his betrothed carried down the aisle towards him.
-
Chris lit a cigarette behind the high school he was attending. He held it between his fingers, black nail polish striking against his pale skin as he took a long drag.
It was winter, cold enough outside to see his breath. The leather jacket he wore was protecting him from the elements, but he would’ve been standing outside no matter his attire. He was tough, he could handle it.
Matt joined him, plucking the cigarette from between his lips.
If anyone else had done that, it would’ve had Chris’s fists curling into a ball. Instead, a good natured grin broke out over his face. He loved it – loved that he got to see Matt, picture perfect image of the boy next door everyone thought him to be, like this .
He was wearing a nice white sweater and jeans but Chris still shrugged out of his jacket to wrap around his shoulders.
His mind flashed back to when Matt first sought him out under the bleachers, how his bravado had come crumbling down when one puff had sent him into a coughing fit. Now, he mirrored Chris’s actions with ease, blowing the smoke away from him as they stood shoulder to shoulder.
“Fuck this place, man,” Matt muttered. “Let’s leave. We can save up and get out of here.”
“You know I’m ready whenever you are.”
-
The internet boom of the late 90s meant finding and losing connections easier than ever before.
Chat rooms and forums, message boards and AIM messenger.
From his bedroom in North Carolina, Chris’s world no longer began and ended in the neighborhood he had lived his whole life. No, now he had friends from everywhere, and he didn’t even have to leave the comfort of his home to hang out with them.
freshlove : When do I get to see you??
freshlove: I know you don’t have a scanner but I’d give you my address just so you could mail me a photo of yourself, you know LOL
freshlove: I could send you one, too
mattyB : I’m nervous
mattyB: My dad would be pissed if he found out I had given out our address.
freshlove: he seems like a total asshat
freshlove: anyway
freshlove: I made you a playlist.
freshlove: I know you said you wanted to get more into hiphop, so I’ll send you the song list
mattyB: Dude… thank you
freshlove : you’re my best friend, man.
freshlove: Just think of me when you listen. LOL
Chris’s world revolved around a 15 inch screen for months. He had a countdown to when he turned 18 and a piggy bank stowed away in his closet. He knew Matt lived in Montana and he knew a plane ticket there and back would be expensive.
mattyB: my dad found our messages
89 days were left in his countdown. mattyB’s account disappeared. Chris sold his computer.
-
Chris opened his eyes, turning to face the familiar body in the bed next to him. He glanced at the clock – he had gotten a solid seven hours. Not bad.
“Sleep well?” Matt asked, smiling as he sat his phone to the side.
“Yeah,” Chris mumbled. “I did."