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Izuku has struggled with self-harm in the past, being quirkless in a society obsessed with quirks wasn't easy. When his adoptive dad found out, he quickly got the help he needed and his dads unlimited support. Izuku went to therapy, both alone and with his dad, he got medication to help with his anxiety and his dad was always there for him on bad days.
When Izuku gets to U.A. he has been clean for almost two years.
Then suddenly all the pressure is too much, he knew being a hero wasn't going to be easy, but he's still surprised how taxing U.A. is. He quickly starts going to sleep early and still he wakes up tired, soon he’s fearing the thought of the next day, he can barely keep up with the school work and it starts cutting into his sleep, making him even more tired.
It's the second week of school when Izuku snaps. He has so much homework, he's so tired and his muscles hurt. He is so done. He cries himself to sleep almost every night, so stressed over everything. Sometimes he even falls asleep on his desk on top of his homework.
The worst thing is, that no one else seems to struggle, his classmates seem to do just fine. They seem happy and energetic, while Izuku can feel his last energy drain out of him. They still seem excited about the thought of becoming heroes, while Izuku is questioning if he's really cut out for heroics even if his dad says he has the most potential out of his class.
It's really not even a conscious decision to relapse. He feels so sad and hopeless, how could he ever be a hero when he can't even survive school, but he knows what will make him feel better. It's like he's forgetting all of his progress and fighting and why he even quit in the first place. All he can think is about what will make him feel better.
He steals a small kitchen knife, his dad had slowly stopped locking everything sharp away after Izuku had been clean for over a year, and locks himself in his room. He doesn't hesitate to take his shirt off and press the blade to his upper arm where there already was a collection of old faded scars. Even the press of the blade makes him feel so much better, for once in his life he has control over something.
Izuku doesn't fully fathom what he's doing as he draws red lines on his skin, the feeling of comfort so big he questions why he ever stopped. Red leaks down his arm and drips to the floor and finally when Izuku has forgotten all about school and stress, he stops. It's like a weight has lifted from his chest. His arm stings, dried blood pulling on his skin, but Izuku has never felt better.
He takes deep breaths, he feels happy and light. It has been so long, it was like greeting an old friend. Izuku lets out a quiet laugh, he has felt miserable for so long and the answer was right there.
Slowly Izuku gets to work on cleaning his mess, he is wiping all the blood away when the realization comes. Izuku has never tried any substances, but this is how he imagines it feels like to sober up. Suddenly everything is clear, his eyes widen as he thinks about what he’s done.
He just threw two years down the drain. Kami what has he done?
Izuku sits on the floor, legs too shaky to stand up. Kami, what did he do? Izuku feels sick as he looks at his left upper arm, it looks like a feral cat attacked it, deep cuts all over the place from above his elbow to all the way to his shoulder. He feels dizzy. He can feel his erratic breaths, he just relapsed without even thinking about it, Kami why didn't he call his dad or his therapist or someone, why didn't he tell them how shitty he felt, why did he just relapse? He should've seen it coming, but he got overconfident.
Suddenly Izuku hears the front door open, his dad is home. Izuku can feel tears start dripping down his face, his dad was going to be so disappointed. The man has told him over and over again to come and tell him if he feels even slightly off, so he could help, but Izuku hadn't even considered it.
“You there kid?” Izuku hears his dad call, usually Izuku is there to greet the man when he comes in, so it wasn't a surprise he was confused by the silence.
“In my room”, Izuku answers, his voice is thick with tears. Izuku can't hear his dad walk towards his room, but he sees the moment his door cracks open. He wonders for a second if he should hide what he did, but he doesn't want to. It sounds childish, but he wants his dad to comfort him and tell him he's okay. He wants his dad to wrap him up in a hug and tell him he loves him.
Izuku starts crying harder when he sees the man's expression, eyes slightly wide and teary. Izuku feels like such a disappointment. He was a horrible person.
“I'm sorry”, Izuku sobs out, that gets his dad moving, the man quickly wraps Izuku in a hug, Izuku can't help but to cling on him, even though Izuku feels like he doesn't deserve his comfort.
“You're okay kiddo, I'm not mad”, dad assures, and Izuku starts sobbing, Kami, he didn't deserve his dad.
“Shh you're okay, remember what your therapist always says?” his dad reminds, voice gentle and soft.
“H-healing isn't a-always linear”, Izuku mumbles. He knows it's unrealistic to think he will always be fine, but he just feels so disappointed, he was doing so good.
“Exactly”, his dad mumbles and Izuku smiles wobbly.
Izuku would be okay, he has his dad.