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Daniel anxiously checked his watch again. 9 am. Max would wake up any minute now, no matter how late Daniel had managed to keep him up on FIFA last night.
He really had tried to get him to sleep longer so he would have time to get everything ready without waking up at five in the morning to do so, but Max was deeply conditionned to function on his training schedule.
He counted the candles again before carefully putting them on top of the cake. Still twenty four. Good.
Max would probably hate it. He usually never celebrated his birthday, except for the occasional clubbing but nothing that felt special. When his birthday happened on a Grand Prix or close to one, the team would organise something and get a cake, but this was different. Daniel wanted Max to have something special, even though the younger kept on saying he didn't feel the need to do anything.
Daniel saw straight through Max's lies. He hoped.
Maybe he didn't and Max would get mad. Maybe this was all way over the line and he was pushing clear boundaries Max had settled and he would realize Daniel's feelings for him because no normal friend went through all that trouble to celebrate the birthday of someone who clearly stated they didn't want it.
Daniel stared at the now candle covered cake he had baked himself, another thing no millionaire friend with no baking experience would ever do. The carefully wrapped gifts at the other end of the table looked at him in disdain.
This was a mistake.
He was being way too obvious, intrusive and disrespectful of Max's boundaries. Maybe he still had time to pack it all up and-
"Cake!"
Daniel jumped, he hadn't heard Max getting out of the guest room. They usually kept Max's dummies in Daniel's room since they would sleep in his bed when he had a headspace day, so the younger only had Grom dangling from his hand but his childlike grin and the way his eyes sparkled at the sight of the chocolate cake let no possible doubt.
Today wasn't supposed to be a Maxie and daddy day, no star sticker on the calendar, and the involuntary slipping had been getting better and better since Bulgaria. They came home in Monaco right after Belgium just a couple days ago and Daniel had arranged a sleepover to play some games and drink a little, planning his birthday surprise in the morning. They never mentioned having a headpsace day today, and Max hadn't felt like he would be needing one. Or at least he hadn't said anything.
Nevertheless, Max was little.
And reaching for his cake, in a way Daniel would've never dreamed of while he was making it. He cleared his throat, trying his best not to look too surprised.
"Maxie! Do you know what day it is today, love?"
"My birthday! Maxie's birthday!"
"It is! Ready to blow your candles?"
Max's eyes widened along with his smile, and Daniel was so glad his dummy wasn't there to hide it. The younger ran to him and let out a tiny shriek of joy that went straight to Daniel's heart.
"It's chocolate!"
"Yeah, daddy can't really do anything else, do you like it?"
"Love it! Thank you daddy!"
"Anything for you, Maxie" He said, really meaning it.
He warned Max not to wiggle around too much while he lit the candles, wondering if the birthday boy was aware at the moment of why there were twenty four of them. He tried not to question Max's headspace too much, as it seemed to come naturally to him and visibly helped his mental health a lot, but he didn't always understand the logistics of it. He had never asked little Max how old he was, anxious that it would confuse him and get him out of the headspace or make him feel ashamed. Maybe he would get more answers today.
"Okay, almost ready. You think you can blow them all in one go?"
"I can!"
Daniel grinned, lighting the last candle and putting both of his hands on Max's shoulder.
"Don't blow just yet baby, you have to make a wish"
"A wish?"
"Yes. Make a wish in your head, don't tell me what it is, and blow your candles. Ready?"
Max took a deep breathe. Daniel could feel his little mind at work, figuring what his wish should be. The candles flickered, starting to melt and threatening the poorly made icing, when he finally blew them all in one try.
"I did it! I wished and I blew!"
"Good job Maxie!" he clapped, a genuine wave of pride washing all over him.
"Now we eat!"
Daniel chuckled. Max in all of his forms loved food, and relished in having the same meals again and again. He usually wouldn't indulge himself with cake, candies or junk food and trained twice harder after every night out to compensate, but Maxie was way easier to convince.
He sat very still while Daniel cut them two big pieces of cake. Go big or go home, they said.
Max had finished his piece before Daniel could serve him his orange juice. Balancing Grom on his lap, he was now staring at the little pile of gifts in front of him. Daniel smiled, feigning ignorance. He and Max had never really gifted anything to each other, as two millionaires weren't really in need of anything they couldn't get for themselves. This was all new, and at the time Daniel had planned some gifts for both headspaces but had no idea how perfect it would be on d-day. Maxie would probably be disappointed to only unpack a warm jumper and a costumized gaming headset.
"Daddy?"
"Yes Maxie?" he said, still savoring his piece of cake and mentally patting himself on the back for how good it tasted.
Max's cheeks reddened, and Daniel could see him fidgeting with Grom's fur under the table. If he had his dummy, he probably would've been biting it all around, trying to get the words out. Daniel let him take his time, not in any hurry. Max was slowly starting to express himself more and more in this headspace, politely asking questions and making requests. As he consistently learned the skill in his little headspace, his ability to communicate as an adult considerably improved.
When Max would've gotten mad at people for not understanding his point of view or anticipating his needs in the past, he was now able to take a step back and ask politely for some help, here and there. Nothing groundbreaking, nothing life changing. Not yet. But again, he wasn't in any hurry. In Belgium, Max had even gently took Daniel's teasing hand away from his face and calmly asked for some space because he was "in need of some quiet time, please Danny". Daniel had never been more proud, and none of it would've been possible without Maxie and his bravery in his headpsace. The more Maxie would speak up and be himself and have it be received with love, the more Max would be comfortable with the idea that he didn't have to be so agressive to be heard.
After a long quiet minute, the younger tried again :
"Daddy, birthday gifts?"
Daniel grinned "Yes love, these are your birthday gifts. Would you like to open them?"
"Please! Yes please"
"I'm so proud of you for asking, Maxie. Let's take those gifts to the living room and open them!"
They made a neat pile of gifts on the rug, and Daniel made sure to go and get the dummy from his bedroom so the younger would have everything he could need in case he got overwhelmed.
"Okay love, just so you know : all those gifts are for you, but I was thinking of big Max when I picked those two ones so you'll like the other ones way more right now. Is it okay if I take those two away and give them back to you when you're feeling older?"
Max grabbed his dummy to suck on it while looking at the floor, his infamous "I'm thinking really deep about things" move. Daniel was starting to think Maxie was just as confused about his own age as he was. They would have to discuss it at length the next day, probably. Or keep doing whatever felt right to both of them, as they always did.
"Take big gifts away, please daddy"
Daniel could hear the quietest sigh of relief coming from Max's lips when he did. Reminders of his own adult life, except for his play track, never seemed to be easy to process.
"What do you want to open first, the biggest one or the smallest one?"
"Biggest! Biggest daddy, please!"
Daniel grinned, pushing the biggest box in his direction. When Max struggled to say please, fearing to sound weak, Maxie would always overdo it.
"Go ahead, love, you can rip it all off"
Max started by carefully pulling on the golden bow on top of the package, pulling some more when it didn't come undone right away. When it finally did, Max grabbed the tiny piece of paper picking under it and tear a huge chunk, revealing what was inside. Max's eyes widened even bigger than for the cake.
"A track!"
"Yeah!" Daniel beamed "Keep opening it, let's see which one!"
Max was now pulling and tearing like a feral animal, unable to contain his excitement.
"Monaco?!"
"It's Monaco! You love this one!"
"Daddy win Monaco!"
Daniel's heart skipped a beat, remembering that glorious day. He really had picked this specific track because it was one of Max's favorite but the fact that the younger immediately associated it to him winning made his heart feel warm and fuzzy.
"Yes, daddy won on this track once. We can recreate it together as soon as its built"
"We do now! Can we build it now? Please daddy?"
"How about you open the other gifts and then decide what you want to do first?"
Max wiggled on the rug, biting into the nipple of his dummy. Something was bothering him, all of a sudden. Once again, Daniel was in no hurry, and lightly stroked the back of his neck while he processed it.
"Daddy"
"Yes Maxie?"
"... Lots of gifts"
"Yes" he answered, still lightly caressing his nape, "Three gifts for my little Maxie. You deserve it all"
"But... but what if..."
"What if you don't?" Daniel helped, refusing to hear those words come from Max's mouth.
The younger nodded, holding Grom closer to his chest, his eyes burning holes in his still unopened gifts.
"As your daddy, your friend, and someone you can trust with your entire heart, I'm saying you do. And you don't have to worry about anything right now, because I'm the one in charge and I say you deserve and should have all those gifts"
In half a second, his arms were full of Max. All strong muscles and sharp bones, but Daniel wouldn't have it any other way.
"I love you daddy"
Daniel held him closer, pushing Max's knee into his hip. He quietly winced, but didn't budge. It was worth it. Max nuzzled his nose in the crook of his neck, and he could feel it slowly getting wet. Tears and snot, a lovely cocktail. Daniel still wouldn't have it any other way.
"I love you too, Maxie. You're safe. You're safe here with me"
Max didn't make much noise at all, and Daniel felt his whole body go lax in his hold. He patted his back, lightly scratched the back of his neck, and waited. He would wait for a lifetime and still not get tired of this. Max in his arms, feeling safe, letting his tears flow, his jaw relaxed. Cared for in a way he never was before.
"I want my gifts now please"
"Unfortunately love, daddy is keeping you hostage in his arms"
Max giggled, not making a move to free himself. Daniel knew he could not open those gifts and still be perfectly content with what he got, but just content was not okay. Just content would never be enough. Max deserved to be truly, endlessly, undoubtedly happy.
Daniel put him back on the rug, and kissed his forehead.
"Go ahead, rip it off!"
In the second package, Max found a brand new outfit for Grom. Jean overalls and a tiny white and red shirt with his name embroidered on it.
"Just in case he gets tired of being a redbull lion"
Max stared at the overalls in amazement, showing them to Grom as if he was going to get a reaction from the toy.
"Look Gromie! S'for you! You like it? Say thank you to daddy! Daddy, can we put it on Grom please? Now?"
Daniel obliged, carefully taking Grom out of his redbull shirt and putting the new outfit on him. Somehow, it felt better this way. Less like a fan gift and more like an actual lovey. Silently, Daniel thanked the unknowing fan who had made all of this possible with their kind gesture.
"Here you go, isn't he handsome?"
"Very handsome!"
Max kissed the tip of Grom's nose, and put him back in the crook of his elbow to get to his last gift. In a swift motion, more experienced now, he revealed a tiny box full of colorful pieces of chalk. Max hesitantly took one in his hand, and experimented with the texture.
"The floor on the terrace is perfect for chalk, we can draw everywhere, pour some water on it and start all over again!"
Max looks at the chalk powder left on his hands, amazed. Daniel wondered if that reminded him of any childhood memories, or not at all. It was hard to tell, but he couldn't wait to figure it out.
"Thank you daddy, thank you thank you so so much for Maxie's gifts"
"You're so welcome baby, what do you want to do first then?! Draw with chalk outside or build your new track?"
Max looked at him, searching for the right answer, the one Daniel wanted to hear. He often did that, in any headspace. Max always needed the validation, whether he tried to crack a joke or to assert himself in any way. He looked in the people he cared about's eyes and waited for a nod or a laugh, for someone to tell him he had the correct answer.
With Daniel, there was never a wrong answer.
"I... build the track, please"
Daniel nodded, beaming to make absolutely sure Max knew his answer was a good one.
"Let's see who can get the most pieces on the track!"
-
Max woke up in a sea of warmth. He looked around, not moving, processing his surroundings.
A mostly dark room with the open curtains as the only source of light, bright enough to discern Daniel's things. And Daniel himself.
The older was holding him loosely around the waist, his free hand lightly placed at the back of his head. Protective. Warm. Safe.
His dummy had fell out of his mouth in his sleep and was now resting abandoned between their pillows, as Max was using Daniel's shoulder to rest on.
He lifted his head as quietly as he could, guilt already creeping its way through his blood.
He had done it again.
He had slipped to manipulate Daniel into caring for him. Again. As usual. It was getting completely out of control.
Max sighed. He remembered getting out of the guest room in the morning, half sure that Daniel was going to do something for his birthday. He expected some cake during the day, maybe Daniel would even sing. He would hate being sang to but would act like he didn't, because it was Daniel and he didn't deserve to have his kindness thrown back in his face just because Max was socially inept. That wasn't Daniel's fault, nor his problem.
He had grabbed Grom without even noticing, looking for some bravery. And then he had seen it all. The cake, the gifts, Daniel with a worried look on his face clearly trying to make it perfect for him.
And it had been so much to take. Too much. Max didn't deserve it, couldn't receive it, his heart got stuck in his throat and he could barely breathe looking at the scene in front of him.
And he had slipped.
In his headspace, Max was able to take it. The attention and the gentle touches, the soft words spoken directly into his ear and putting a stop to every belief he ever had about life and himself. There were two other gifts for him, adult Max. The memory of it made his heart ache. Daniel had spent so much of his time and money for this, and what had Max done for Daniel's birthday back in July? Barely anything. He had called him on facetime and said happy birthday, wished him a good time and promised he would pay his round the next time they got drinks. And that was it.
Daniel gave him so much for so little in return. He didn't need Max, but Max needed him. He had let himself get weak and needy and he was so ashamed of himself. His brain wouldn't stop slipping against his will, not taking into consideration Daniel's time or well being. He was shamelessly manipulating his friend for attention and couldn't stop.
He had to stop.
Daniel would slowly start resenting him, tired of constantly giving and giving and giving to someone utterly unable to give back. Daniel was full of love, patience and care. Max remained painfully empty.
He took a last look at Daniel's relaxed face, getting himself out of his hold. A urge to kiss his face submerged him for a second but he swallowed it down, swimming against the current of his own twisted mind.
Begrudgingly, he grabbed Grom to take him to the guest room. His Nintje pajamas stuck to his skin with sweat, his body running hot with Daniel's warmth. He would change to some normal pajamas back in his room.
As soon as his feet hit the ground, Daniel groaned.
"Had a nightmare, Maxie?"
Max's heart sunk. A part of him wanted to just say yes and pretend. Go back to Daniel's cosy embrace and pretend he was still little and needing. But that wouldn't be right, as what he was doing already wasn't.
"I'm not small anymore, I'm going to the guest room"
Silence fell on them in the dark. Daniel must've gone back to sleep.
"You know... I'd see no issue with you staying here as an adult. We were quite cosy"
And they were. But would it be right? Wouldn't he be taking advantage of Daniel again, cuddling up in his bed when he had no need for it? Wanting something and needing it were two very different things and while Max could justify to himself that he needed the love Daniel provided in his little headspace, he couldn't possibly justify stealing it as a perfectly capable adult.
Grown men didn't cuddle for the sake of it.
Suddenly, Daniel's hand was on his wrist, calloused and oh so familiar.
"Max. Stop overthinking this. Go to the guest room if that's what you want, but you're more than welcome here"
Max could hear his own heart beat in his ears. He was more than welcome. Maybe Daniel was the one needing something, for once.
"Would you... sleep better, if I stayed?"
Gracefully, without arguing, Daniel said "Yes. I would."
Max put both his feet back under the covers, still holding Grom. He put his head on his pillow, and Daniel's hand found the back of his head again. Consistent. Strong.
"Good night Max"
"Good night Danny"