Work Text:
Hello Konny dear~
You're late.
I... just got stopped in the hall.
You never get stopped in the halls. No one ever gets stopped in the halls.
...
...
Okay, okay, whatever. A breach broke out while I was coming down here aaaand I hopped in for some fun. For old time's sake, y'know?
Fun shit like that doesn't happen anymore. Or at least, no one seems to care.
It was... nostalgic, in a weird way.
You really can't go without throwing yourself head first into danger, can you?
Don't act like you wouldn't have done the same thing.
Hmmph, I'm too old for that now.
I'm older than you are! That's no excuse, you've just gotten soft.
Maybe I have...
...
Um, anyways, you have any plans on what to watch today?
I was thinking we could turn on 96249-
No. No, no, no, we are not watching that stupid game.
Hey, come on Kon, let's just watch it for a bit. I haven't checked in on it for awhile and wanna see if those dumbasses are still at it.
...Fine. Only for a couple of minutes.
...And would you look at that. They're just where they've been for the past god knows how long. Banging their heads against some gorge in Arizona.
What an awful game. Why the hell do you want to watch this?
Ehhh, I just wanna see if they've made any progress.
What do you mean Clef? It's fucking impossible for them to make in progress!
I mean, they've got all the time in the world to make something happen. Maybe a freak accident happens and all the New Mexico players get knocked out and Washington's able to bring it home.
Wouldn't it be incredible, Konny?
Or maybe they'll keep slamming their heads into the rock wall in front of them for the rest of time.
Maybe so...
Why on earth would someone be so dedicated to this stupid game?
At this point, you might as well cut your losses and head home.
But why give up when you're in this far? That's just giving up and a coward's way out.
...
Besides...
They've got nothing better to do.
Still...
It just seems pointless... There's no real way to win, so why even bother with it?
...
...
You wanna go out for a smoke?
Yeah.
Let's get out of this room for a bit.
...So, do you think anyone knows what happened?
I think you've asked me that before.
Mmm. Sorry.
I guess we're running out of things to talk about...
It's fine. We'll eventually forget we had this conversation and then one of us will ask again and the other will say something like this again.
But to answer your question, no and I don't care if they have.
Yeah...
Now, a question for you that I don't think we've talked about before.
Do you think they still need us here?
Not really.
I mean, they need some people here. They need people to come in a take care of the anomalies and they can't exactly let them all out. Y'know, "upkeeping normalcy", whatever that means these days.
But us specifically, I don't think so.
So why do you still show up to work?
I... don't know. I guess I need something to do, somewhere to go.
And this place is familiar. I've got friends here.
Once you do something for so long, it becomes part of you in a way. I've been here for so long, I feel like I can't leave now.
Just like those guys in Arizona right?
I guess so...
What about you?
Ehhh, a similar reason really. I like seeing you.
Hmmm?
-And all the other guys y'know.
They let me see Meri now, so that's nice.
Oh really? They finally gave up on that?
Yeah, I think they've been dropping the restrictions for awhile now. Letting some humanoids walk around the site like everybody else.
It's a nice change of pace.
Oh! And there's the game.
The game?
All of us over at Site-19 have our own game of football going on. It's not really football, but who gives a shit.
So, everyone in the game has a ball they can hide anywhere on Foundation property. The goal is to find as many balls as you can and keep your own safe.
I've got about 5, minus the one I started with. But, more importantly, no one's found any of the ones I've got.
And whoever gets all the balls wins?
Exactly. Gears' our ref, we have to call in with him whenever we find or move a ball so this game doesn't entirely collapse.
How long has this game been going for?
Oh not that long, a couple hundred years maybe.
So, you've had a couple hundred years at this and you've only found 5 balls?
Hey now Konny, I'm not super active in my search for any of them. If I happen to find any, them it was fate I guess.
Or someone was just really bad at hiding them.
We had to ban hiding them in any skip cells.
I guess that someone didn't get the message that none of us are scared of getting killed by any of them anymore.
And none of them really appreciated having a football left in their cell. So we lost a couple of balls real early on.
So where's these incredible hiding spots of yours?
Oh hell no. Sorry Konny, I can't risk you snitching to anyone.
Alright, keep your secrets then.
That's just how the game goes. The more information I let out, the more I compromise my spots.
No I get it.
Can't risk fucking yourself over.
Exaaactly.
...Okay, you have got to keep this to yourself. But some of them are hidden in your office.
What the hell?!? I've never seen you bring any footballs into my office.
Guess I'm just that good.
You and I are the only people who are in there very often, and you're not in the game, so it's the perfect place really.
But you're with me every single day. Everyone knows that. You think someone would at least check in there.
That's the best thing about not being a big threat. Everyone's focused on the top dog or all the guys left just with their original ball.
Not to mention, it's your fucking office and you had no clue I had put anything in there. So, I'm not really worried about my current position
Jeez, you're really into this. You weren't really a sports guy before all of this, were you?
Nope.
I think I get the appeal now. It's a damn good distraction and sometimes you get to see a bunch of guys punch the shit out of each other.
It's great!
...
...
You said you get to see Meri now. How's that been?
...
It was awkward at first. Y'know, we didn't really know each other, but we've developed a bit of a relationship now.
No where as close as a regular father and daughter would be, but what can you do.
I try and go see her every week and we just talk, kinda like this.
It's... nice.
Does she know about what happened? With the world, I mean.
I don't know what living in Foundation care your whole life does to your sense of time. But I would guess that she would've caught on that's it's been an absurdly long time of seeing the same damn people everyday.
But yes, they did tell her, a long time ago.
It's weird... She's a grown-ass woman and I hadn't seen her since she was a newborn.
...Anyways, how's your kid doing?
Him and James are still off traveling. He sends me pictures all the time.
They were in New York City last time I checked.
New York?!? Who the hell would want to go to New York?
They had never been before it sunk.
But I agree, there was no reason to visit the damn place back then or now.
But maybe I just hate big cities.
You definitely hate big cities. But I can't imagine it was that pleasant of a place.
It's kinda pretty all underwater...
...
Clef, I don't know if you've noticed, but...do you think Draven's happier now?
I mean, the kid always seemed kinda anxious before.
And... I don't wanna upset you Kon, or reopen any old wounds, but I'd say not having to worry about you anymore has cleared his head a bit.
I mean, he can go off for however long he wants without worrying about you finding a way to get yourself killed or, uh...
You get what I'm saying.
...
You're probably right...
I think I'm good to go back in, if you are.
Heh, and get back to our game?
Hell no, I'm changing that channel as soon as we get in there.
Aww, boooo.
What're you gonna watch then?
I don't know. They're supposed to be shooting off the 500 ball soon.
Oh god no. I fucking hate that game.
What's wrong with 500?
It's the most try-hard game in the world. The only people who chase 500 balls are people with no life who spend all day psychoanalyzing the cannon operator, and hope to get their 15 minutes of fame freezing their ass off up in Alaska.
I never knew you had such strong opinions on 500.
But you put on a game I hated earlier so consider this payback.
Fine, fine. Whatever makes you happy Konny dear.
...
Hey Al?
Konny?
...Did you mean what you said earlier?
About how you still come here just to see me?
...That's not all I said. I come here to see you and all the other guys, and Meri, and the game.
And cause I don't have anything better to do with my time.
But, you said me first and then added everything else like it was an afterthought.
I just thought of you first cause you were right in front of me.
You're acting defensive.
I am not. You're just reading too much into what I said.
I've known you for over 10,000 years and you think I don't know how to read you.
You're autistic. You misinterpret shit all the time.
Okay you're just pulling shit out of your ass now.
You don't have to tell me what you meant, just know that I don't believe a single thing you just said.
Hmph. Whatever suits you.
Must've hit a nerve. You're all pouty now.
You're a real pain in the ass, y'know.
Is this how our friendship ends?
I guess all good things must come to an end.
Oh don't worry your pretty little head. You couldn't get rid of me even if you wanted to.
So where do they think the ball's gonna land?
I thought you hated 500.
I'd rather talk about this stupid game than sit around in silence.
Fair.
I don't think anyone knows. This operator's been kinda random.
Hmmm... interesting.
...
...
Is 408 still around?
Oh yeah. No clue how, I'll be honest, but they're the same bunch of bugs they've always been.
Maybe I'll see if I can get them out of the aviary and around me more. I think they'd like that.
...You know, life's been getting kinda boring.
It's inevitable, I guess, but I think I need a change of pace.
Maybe go traveling or camping...
You better not stop coming to work.
No, I would never.
Just thinking out loud about a vacation of sorts.
Good. I'd hate to have to find a new person to hang out with all day.
But, um, if I do decide to go on a trip of any sort, you'd be free to come along with me. We're friends after all and I wouldn't mind having some company.
Aww, how sweet. You care so much about me~
...Yeah, I guess I do.
...
...
...Did you mean it when you said that?
...Yeah, I did.
...Fuck, you got me Konny.
I- I meant it when I said that too. When I said I only come here to see you.
Still not the only reason, but... it's the main reason
That makes sense... I was wondering why you could stand to be around me for so long.
If I was any sane person, I would've left this shit show as soon as I could. But I've gotten attached now to this place, my coworkers, and the anomalies.
I don't have any obligations to the Foundation anymore, hell I'm barely even still an employee.
But everyday I came back, you kept coming to see me. It was nice...
I like being with you
We know each other better than any other people left on this planet.
...
I wouldn't mind spending the rest of eternity with you.
The rest of eternity... Until the sun explodes or something.
Heheh... Yeah, until the sun explodes.
I've cared about you for a long time Konny. Like "back when things were normal" long time.
You were always too nice to me despite all that I've done to you. I mean, if I were you I never would've spoke to myself again.
...You seem to be the only person I can't permanently piss off. So the rest of eternity with you doesn't seem like the worst fate for bastards like us
...It feels nice to get that off my chest.
Only took, oh what, several thousand years?
Haaha! I was planning on taking it all to my grave, but that's not really possible anymore, is it?
No, not really.
Better to let it all out now I guess...
So what happens now?
What do you mean?
I mean, are we... more now?
More? As in more than friends?
I guess if we want to be...
Do you want to be?
...
...
...Mhmmh.
Do you want to be?
...Yeah, I do.
Konny, can I ask for something?
Yeah?
Could we keep our relationship here?
Y'know, so we don't lose our reason to come here.
Sure, if you'd like. There's nothing saying we have to see each other outside of work.
And we see each other enough here anyways.
Yeah, that'd be nice. Just keeping things the same.
Until the sun explodes?
Depends on how long that takes.
But for now, the same will work.
Can I try something, Konny?
Hmm? Sure, go ahea- Mmph!!
...Mmm...
.....
.....
Sorry, Kon, I don't-
You're a pretty good kisser...
You're not too bad yourself.
Hold on Konny.
Hmmm?
Hey! Give those back!
How long have you had these glasses?
Like this specific pair?
Yes.
Umm, I've had these frames since... sometime around 2000, and the last time I got new lenses back in... 5012 maybe.
...Konny.
What?
Do you know how long that's been?
I mean... I do, but I don't know what you're getting at.
You've had the same damn pair of glasses for 12,000 years?!?
It's a miracle you can drive yourself to work everyday!
Oh it's not that bad. I can see just fine.
If I don't need a new prescription, then why would I need a new pair.
And besides, I like them.
You're just saying that because you can't see worth shit otherwise.
Come on Clef, give them back.
No.
I'm fixing them for you.
You don't have to do that.
Too bad. I'm doing it anyways 'cause I know you aren't gonna do it yourself.
But, I know you don't like to use-
It's fine Konny.
I know you're too damn attached to your glasses to ever actually get a new pair, but at the very least would you put some effort into taking care of them?
...
...
Here ya go.
...Thanks.
...I love you Alto.
...I love you too Ben.
You called me Ben. You never call me Ben.
You called me by my first name, so I did the same.
But, I've called you Al or Alto before, but never ever in all the time I've known you, have you ever called me Ben.
I don't know why I said it. It just... felt more personal.
Don't get used to it though, you'll always be Konny to me.
I'd expect nothing less from you. And I don't mind being Konny for the rest of time.
So, where do you think this ball's gonna go?
Ughh god, I forgot we were watching this game.
Uhhh, fucking, I don't know. Maybe the middle of fucking nowhere in the midwest.
I think they'll hit along the east coast.
Any reason why you think that?
Nope. It's just as much a bullshit guess as your's.
That's rude. My guess is not bullshit.
Yes it fucking is! You literally said you don't have a clue!
Still doesn't mean it's all bullshit! Maybe I've got some secret 500 intuition.
Whatever Clef.
Wait and see Konny, wait and see...
This is the moment you've all been waiting for, folks! The ball's going to be shot into play!
As always, we'll be following the ball so you can join in on the fun from the comfort of your home.
...
BOOMPH!!
And we're off!
So, where in the midwest are you thinking?
Uhh I don't know, like fucking Kansas or somewhere.
So where on the east coast were you thinking?
Hmmm...
Virginia maybe.
Alright folks, looks like this ball is headed right for the southeast.
Looks like northern Mississippi is where it's gonna land.
Damn it.
I thought you didn't care about 500.
I don't.
But you're upset about guessing wrong?
It just would've been funny if I was right.
There's always next time Cleffles~
If it was up to me, I won't be watching next time.
Oh how unfortunate you're life must be.
Exactly! How am I supposed to cope with being doomed to an eternity of watching bad sports games?!
A real tragedy, I have to assume.
I know, it sucks.
At least you won't be alone.
'Suppose that's true. Unless you find a way to get rid of me.
I haven't got tired of you yet.
It's impressive honestly.
Well, you've got plenty of time to piss me off so bad that I never talk to you again.
Hey! Don't go saying that right after you confessed your love to me!
Ahahaa, you're right Cleffles, sorry.
Anyways, you wanna put a different game on? Since you don't like 500 and all?
Nahh, it's not that big of a deal. We aren't really watching the game anyways.
Unless there's something else you wanna watch.
There's not much to watch once they catch the ball anyways. I'll find something else.
You really don't mind what we watch?
Nope.
I'll watch whatever... only if it's with you, Konny dear~