Chapter Text
Wake up to the sound of your fleeting heart
When you go, what you leave is a work of art
On my chest, on my heart
- Featherstone by The Paper Kites.
'Last call for flight 815 To Los Angeles, Last call for flight 815. I repeat, last call' Sounds are muffled, constant chit chat, rolling luggage, and the sound of her own heart pounding. She has been suffering from this increasing headache since Louis called her the night before and told her about the trip. She sees Harvey walking towards them, shoulders hunched up, bags under his eyes, still handsome with a grey sweater and black pants. He looks like he just arrived from a very tiresome trip, his baggage heavier than it seems.
He had carried the same baggage for more than a decade, Donna helped him ease the load, without her it's just a matter of time until he starts revising and gets rids of what he doesn't need.
Her lips are tight, her eyes lost, trying to look everywhere but him and he feels like he’s been punched in the gut. She’s wearing jeans and a blue shirt, her sunglasses on one hand, luggage on the other. Jessica warned him that Donna would be going with him and Louis but he wasn’t expecting her to be dressed so casual but her demeanor so stiff. She’d rather be anywhere except near him he realizes, and his breathing gets quicker, he feels lightheaded and the symptoms couldn’t get any worse. He excuses himself to go the bathroom before the flight; Louis mutters something he can’t really understand, he would be grateful if his body cooperated with him to get as far as possible, not from them, but the moment.
Donna watches him go, his retreating form so much unlike him she’s restraining herself to go after him, ask him if he’s ok, if he’s in pain. It isn’t her job anymore to answer his needs, and they’re not even friends, she thought maybe, at least she could identify whatever they had besides work, as a friendship, but his silence and everything he said after she left showed her that she was only his secretary, the best he could have. And it hurt, it’s like someone has taken her heart and it’s squeezing it, milking it to see if there are emotions left for her to keep living life. Inside and out of the firm.
Louis grabs her arm, says something about their luggage, he’s carrying hers with him, ‘Donna this is a three day business trip why is it so heavy?’ Is funny how what Louis just said could resume her whole life, the baggage she carried everywhere with her, fears and things not said that she masks under this carefree character she has made up for herself and she plays so well.
By the time he’s back, it’s time for them to check in. At least the universe sympathizes with them; he’s at the end of the same row Louis and Donna are. Some space to get ready to spend the majority of the next three days together. He hates Jessica, and Dr Agard might repeat a bazillion times how great she seems to be, but he’s sure this is some sort of evil scheme his partner has came up, to make things right again.
Nobody understands, nothing will be right, he had finally succeeded, making the only stable relationship he had in his whole adult life end. If she was the sun, his days are more than cloudy with a chance of raining. His life was going through a Hurricane. And as much as he wanted to blame her, it wasn’t her fault; he was as responsible as her, one step forward, two steps back, always tip-toeing between the lines, until he erased it with one look, one confession and the stupid need to take it back. He did, in reality, but not in his mind, you can’t un-love Donna Paulsen. Not when she has done everything for you, and she has loved you like she did. Not even when you tried to ignore how she might have loved you. He’s aware he’s thinking in past tense.
He wakes up to a soft touch to his shoulder. 'Harvey?' She takes her hand away as fast as he opens his eyes 'We're here'
He stands up, sees her keep walking, Louis behind them. 'Welcome to Canada' A flight attendant tells him warmly. 'Hope you enjoy your stay'
He looks at Donna. He knows he would if things were different, he also knows he won't. 'Thank you' he tries to smile and fails.
The view from her room is beautiful, she can see a lake, and how the water disappears into the mountains, the peek of them mixing into a dark blue sky, clouds hiding stars. She goes to sleep covering herself with this blanket of darkness. Tomorrow will be another day, she thinks, feeling a little bit like Scarlett O'hara. The problem is she isn't like this, how tight her heart feels, and every thing she does because of it, how she moves, how she's living. She's sick of all the signs of the slow decline she's in, but she needs to find the path to whatever she might find.