Work Text:
The moment Feng Xin's head hit the ground, a white light flashed before his eyes.
It was so fast that he thought maybe he dreamed it at first.
Then it encircled his vision. He could only make out blurry waves of white and grey.
He couldn't be sure, but a face existed in the center of white, staring down at him with a confused expression.
Then everything went dark.
When he woke later, he felt something cold on his back, only shortly after realizing that it was his own hands. He was tied up, sitting against a wall.
"What the fuck?" he mumbled, trying to wiggle out of the fabric.
"It's no use, it won't budge."
It was then that Feng Xin took in his surroundings. He was in a small room with tall empty walls, and arched windows that let in ambient light from the bright moon outside.
A person was in the corner on their knees, diligently lighting lanterns. Soon, the room was warmly lit.
"Who are you?" Feng Xin continued to pull at the fabric binding him.
They turned around, kneeling again to light more lanterns.
As they did, their face lit up quite clearly.
All breath left Feng Xin’s lungs, his entire being going heavy as a pain stabbed his inside in a way he hadn’t felt in hundreds of years.
Mu Qing sat and stared at him, his face neutral, betraying no emotion.
He was beautiful.
"M-Mu Qing?" Feng Xin managed to say. He sounded so unlike himself– stunted, all confidence gone.
Mu Qing glared at him. "Who is that?"
"It's you! You died–"
It hit Feng Xin all at once, and he finally took in this person's appearance. Mu Qing had white hair that flowed down his back from a high ponytail, his skin was sickly pale, with eyes dark devoid of light.
But he was unmistakably Mu Qing. He had Mu Qing's face etched into his very bones, and would recognize him anywhere.
Especially the glare that was being directed at him right now.
"He died?" Mu Qing approached. "Who is he ?"
Feng Xin swallowed the lump in his throat. "He was– you were my… friend."
Mu Qing crouched before him, then undid something from his belt and shoved it into Feng Xin's vision.
"Do you know anything about this?"
Feng Xin's eyes began to water as he saw what Mu Qing held.
"It's… a hair ribbon."
"That's it?"
Mu Qing seemed genuine in asking.
"Do you not remember?" Feng Xin said quietly, willing the tears not to come.
"I don't." Mu Qing held the ribbon in his hands, stroking the fabric gently. "I just know it has something to do with my past."
"You're a ghost." Feng Xin breathed, his voice cracking. "If I had known, I would have searched for you. Mu Qing, I've missed you–"
Mu Qing stood suddenly, tying the golden ribbon back on his belt.
"You're not helpful. You can leave. There's the door." Mu Qing let the bindings go with a wave of his hand.
Feng Xin raced to Mu Qing, taking him into his arms, unable to hold back the tears.
"M-Mu Qing…" he cried.
Mu Qing was stiff.
"I've missed you so much, I think of you every day–"
Finally, Mu Qing pushed him away. "So you do know me?"
"I do, I know you so well." He couldn't help but take Mu Qing's hand. "I know you better than anyone."
Mu Qing squinted his eyes, looking him up and down.
He must have approved, because as he let go of Feng Xin's hand, he stepped forward until they were unbelievably close.
Feng Xin tried to even out his breathing as he gazed at those black eyes. He couldn't tell what Mu Qing was thinking, which made him all the more flustered.
He stepped back away from Mu Qing, but Mu Qing followed, then they kept going, until Feng Xin hit a wall. They were equal in height, but Feng Xin felt quite small being stared down like this.
"W-what are you doing?" Feng Xin asked finally.
"I'm looking at you," Mu Qing said simply.
"Right. Why?"
"To be honest…" Mu Qing finally looked down. "I don't remember anything from my past. Just bits and pieces. You seem so familiar, but I can't remember a face, just a feeling."
After a moment, Feng Xin asked, "What should I call you?"
Mu Qing hesitated. "What…was my name?"
"It was Mu Qing." Feng Xin took Mu Qing’s cheek into his hand. "Mu Qing," he said again, softer, as though he was saying it to himself. "It's been a long time, what is your name now?"
Mu Qing stepped back, crossing his arms. "Mostly phrases. It's not important."
He turned his back with a flick of his ponytail and knelt in front of a wooden chest.
"What are you doing?" Feng Xin knelt next to him. Then his arms were stuffed with neatly folded pieces of fabric.
"What–"
"I'm packing."
"For what?"
"You're taking me with you." Mu Qing rolled his eyes.
"To heaven?! You're a ghost!"
"So? Hide me." Mu Qing stared him down. "We knew each other. I'm not letting a clue slip through my fingers. I'm coming with you, to heaven or hell, I don't care."
With that, he took all of the robes in Feng Xin's arms and dutifully placed them in a bag.
"Well?" Mu Qing glared at him. "Are we going or not?"
Feng Xin felt light and jittery. His heart beat so fast that his chest hurt. As he gazed at the love of his life, who glared back at him, he felt like he had ascended again.
—
"Here's your room."
Mu Qing stepped inside, eyes wide as he took it all in.
Feng Xin watched as the ghost touched every piece of furniture, rubbing his finger on every fabric. His eyes darted all over the room, full of awe and something else Feng Xin couldn't understand.
"It's ok," Mu Qing finally said, setting his bag down on the bed.
"I'm glad it's to your liking." Feng Xin helped him unpack. That meant Mu Qing put robes in his arms as he emptied the bag. "I made sure no junior officials will come to this area of the palace, so you have free rein to explore."
Mu Qing hesitated. "Where are you going?"
"I have to go to work. I'm a god, remember?" Feng Xin smirked. "Why, did you want to spend time with me?"
Somehow, warmth bloomed on Mu Qing's cheeks. Could ghosts blush?
"No. I'm here to figure out my past. I might be able to do that if I explore a bit." He cleared his throat.
"Right. You can explore my room if you want. It might help."
Mu Qing nodded as he took the robes from Feng Xin and gently placed them in the chest.
"I'll see you later." Feng Xin smiled at him and Mu Qing glared back.
Feng Xin's heart couldn't take it. He was overcome with warmth, seeing his love look at him as he used to.
Nothing could make him happier than this.
—
Feng Xin didn't see Mu Qing that evening when he returned. He thought he should go greet him in his chambers, but decided not to. He was tired, and Mu Qing probably needed space anyway.
After settling into bed, with a flick of his wrist, all of the lanterns went out.
The door to his room was on the farthest wall. He watched as it slowly opened and closed, then silence, until the bed creaked slightly.
Mu Qing crawled under the covers scooting close to Feng Xin, but far enough away that they didn't touch.
"The ribbon is yours, isn't it?"
Feng Xin didn't answer for a while, trying to decide how to respond. "Yeah, it's mine."
"I found others sort of like it in your wardrobe."
Feng Xin hummed in response.
"You said we were friends."
Feng Xin froze. "We were…" Feng Xin's voice cracked and his chest constricted. Without any way to control it, tears suddenly began falling down his cheeks.
Mu Qing sat up, eyes wide looking at Feng Xin.
"I died…" he said quietly. "You…"
Feng Xin sat up, wiping his tears. "I'm sorry, I don't know what happened. I'm fine–"
"Are you? You seem upset." Mu Qing sounded panicked, moving a bit away on the bed, arms up. "I don't know– I don't know what to do. Are you crying because of me?"
Feng Xin huffed a laugh, wiping his cheeks with his sleeve. "Yeah, Mu Qing. Fuck. We were together– we loved each other." A sob escaped his chest, shocking him.
Mu Qing got up from the bed, looking around. "Ah!" He ran to the corner of the room and knelt, a warm light filling the corner.
He brought a small paper lantern to the bed, holding it in front of Feng Xin.
"This uh– they always make me feel better. I like to see the flame dance behind the paper." He smiled nervously, obviously shaking as he held the lantern towards Feng Xin.
The tightness in Feng Xin’s chest receded a bit, and as he gazed at Mu Qing, he felt his face soften and relax.
"Thank you, Mu Qing." He took the lantern, holding it gently as his tears faded.
"So we were together?" Mu Qing asked after a long silence. He hesitantly sat beside Feng Xin, tucking his legs under the blankets.
Without looking away from the lantern in his hands, Feng Xin nodded. "It was a secret… so we would meet at night." He smiled softly, all of the feelings in his chest slowly falling away until only Mu Qing was left.
"I've been alone for– a long time." Mu Qing rubbed his fingers along the embroidery on the blanket. "I was hoping discovering my past would help me not feel so…"
Mu Qing hunched over and sighed.
"I can help. I can try, at least."
"Do you mean that?" Mu Qing asked, the light from the lantern flickered in his eyes. "That you will help me?"
Feng Xin couldn't help but smile. "Did finding my ribbons today help?"
Mu Qing pulled out the tattered one from his sleeve and caressed it with his thumb. "Yeah it did. I didn't get anything solid, but I felt a little more–" He bit his lip. "I don't know how to explain it."
"You don't have to. We can talk more tomorrow."
Mu Qing tucked the ribbon away and nodded.
"Do you want to stay?" Feng Xin asked hesitantly.
Mu Qing stared at him for a moment before answering. "Mn."
Feng Xin gingerly placed the lantern by the bed.
"Can you teach me?" Mu Qing asked once they settled under the covers.
"Teach you what?"
There was shuffling, then Mu Qing lightly placed a few fingers on Feng Xin's arm.
"If we were together… Maybe touching might help me remember?"
Feng Xin felt his face warm. "Uh– I mean, we–" He took a deep breath, taking hold of the hand touching his arm. "Wh-what sort of touching?”
"Well, I haven't touched anyone in… um, I want to feel what it's like."
Something tugged at Feng Xin's heart. How long has Mu Qing been alone?
"Alright," he said nervously. "How should we start?"
There was a long pause. "C-can we hold hands tonight?"
Feng Xin felt his cheeks warm, and couldn’t help a small smile. "Yeah, we can."
Mu Qing adjusted, moving a bit closer. Their hands lay between them, intertwined.
Soon, Mu Qing's breathing evened out and his grip relaxed. As he slept, Feng Xin saw that he indeed had the same soft expression that lived in Feng Xin’s memories.
Feng Xin's lips quivered as he remembered nights where they met when they were both mortal.
Mu Qing rolled his eyes as he took the flower from a blushing Feng Xin.
"What is this?"
"It's a flower obviously."
"Do you think I want this?"
Feng Xin smiled, leaning close. "You're blushing."
Mu Qing frowned. He gently placed the flower on his lap, then pulled Feng Xin in–
Feng Xin's eyes opened slowly, tears blurring his vision. The dreams always ended the same. He was never able to get that one last kiss.
Wiping his eyes, Feng Xin sat up.
"You were crying." Mu Qing walked in and closed the door behind him. "Are you always crying?"
Feng Xin laughed. "Only when it comes to you."
Mu Qing frowned. "Then will you be crying a lot from now on?"
Feng Xin froze at the seriousness in Mu Qing's voice as he made unwavering eye contact.
"Should I go?"
Feng Xin jumped out of bed and quickly made his way over. "No! I had a nightmare, that's all."
Mu Qing stared incredulously.
"Aren't I supposed to help you get your memories back? You can't go." Feng Xin hated the desperation in his voice as he scrambled out of bed.
"Well. I remembered something."
"Really? What? Aha."
Mu Qing blushed, looking down. Then he pulled something out of his sleeve. When he opened his palm, it was a tiny blade of grass.
"A hill… it had tall grass and…" Mu Qing looked down, frustrated. "That's it."
"Let's go tonight."
"Where?"
"To that hill."
Feng Xin smiled at Mu Qing.
—
The expanse of trees blanketed the earth, going on as far as the eye can see. The sun was setting, painting the sky beautiful shades of oranges and purples.
Mu Qing looked at it with wide-eyed wonder. "I've never seen anything like this before," he said softly.
"It's not the same as it used to be." Feng Xin took a seat on the only patch of grass nearby.
They were in ruins of an ancient civilization that had come and gone during their long lives. What was left were stones and moss. It sat atop a high peak overlooking the trees below.
"It used to be a beautiful hillside with farms and…" At the end his voice died down to a whisper.
Mu Qing sat beside Feng Xin and took his hand, never looking away from the view.
"I'm right here, yet you talk as though I'm not."
"I'm sorry. I just feel alone with my memories."
Mu Qing hugged his knees to his chest, letting go of Feng Xin's hand. "I'm sorry."
Silence stretched on for too long, making Feng Xin sweat. What was he supposed to say?
"So is being here helping?" Feng Xin asked awkwardly, trying to break the thick tension.
Mu Qing played with the ribbon tied to his belt. "No. It's too different… I don't see it."
"Can you explain what you saw in more detail?"
Mu Qing scrunched up his face trying to think. "I really can't," he said finally. "I wish I could."
An idea hit Feng Xin. "I can take you to an actual grassy hillside."
Mu Qing lit up. "Yes! Let's do that."
And so they left. Feng Xin led them to a beautiful grassy plain, up in rolling hills overlooking farmland. It was dark, and the small lights in the houses dusted the plains like stars.
"Much better!" Feng Xin flopped on the grass, staring up at the night sky. Mu Qing sat beside him.
Picking at the grass, Mu Qing sighed.
"Feng Xin."
"Hm?"
"Can you… show me what we used to do?" Mu Qing suddenly climbed on top of him, leaning down with anxiety in his eyes.
"What we used to do? Like what?" Feng Xin tried not to make any sudden movements, afraid he might scare Mu Qing away. His heart was racing so fast he worried it was audible.
"Like…" Mu Qing put up his hands, but they floated anxiously in the air. "I don't know."
Feng Xin smiled and gently took hold of Mu Qing's wrists. He brought them towards himself, so that Mu Qing's palms rested on either side of his face.
"Here. You see?"
Mu Qing was in awe, his eyes wide as he concentrated.
A thumb rubbed Feng Xin's cheeks, while shakey palms stroked his temple and his jaw.
"This feels…" Mu Qing began. Then, tears fell from his eyes, but he didn't pay them any mind as he gazed at Feng Xin.
They dropped aimlessly onto Feng Xin's chest.
"Mu Qing?" Feng Xin gently touched his wrists. "Are you ok?"
"Why am I crying?" He let out a small sob, but still did not move his hands.
"I don't know." Feng Xin admitted. "But you're ok, I'm here."
Feng Xin sat up, resting Mu Qing in his lap.
Mu Qing gazed at him intently. "Did I kiss you?"
Feng Xin felt a blush cross over his cheeks. "You mean back then?"
"Yeah." Mu Qing leaned in a bit more, as though he was trying to take notes of Feng Xin's reaction.
"You did, yeah."
Mu Qing sat up a bit, hugging his knees against Feng Xin's thighs for leverage. "Where?"
"Huh?"
"Where did I kiss you?"
"You kissed my cheek a lot." Feng Xin smiled fondly. "But–"
Feng Xin was interrupted entirely by soft lips lightly brushing against his cheek. Mu Qing pulled away immediately, face fully engulfed in a warm hue.
No more words existed in Feng Xin's brain.
"Where else did I kiss you?" Mu Qing asked, his breathing picking up a bit, shaking nervously.
"Mu Qing, you don't need to–"
"I want to!" Mu Qing said, too loudly. He schooled his tone and said, "I want to. Please tell me."
Feng Xin hesitated, glancing quickly at Mu Qing's lips. "You used to kiss me here."
Mu Qing's eyes widened and he played with the fabric at Feng Xin's shoulders nervously. "Really?"
"I'm just telling you, I don't expect you to kiss my–"
Mu Qing's lips were already on his mouth before he could end his sentence.
A million thoughts ran through Feng Xin's mind, and yet none at all. His heart was in a frenzy, beating quickly but equally in pain. Hundreds of years of pent up feelings burst into his chest, making him jittery and light.
Feng Xin tried not to chase those lips when Mu Qing pulled away. He was as red as a ghost could get (which was surprisingly red), eyes wide.
"Oh," Mu Qing said.
"Oh?" Feng Xin tried to sound calm, but his grip on Mu Qing's sides tightened.
"I always wanted to kiss someone," Mu Qing admitted, looking away. "I'm glad I got to kiss you." He covered his face with his hands.
Feng Xin smiled and pulled him into his arms. "I love you," he said quietly, leaning his forehead on Mu Qing's shoulder.
Mu Qing stiffened, and said nothing.
Some day, Feng Xin hoped that he might say it in return again.
—
The next day it rained.
Feng Xin walked out of Ling Wen's palace, shocked at the downpour. The streets were flooded in some areas, and heavenly officials ran around, covering their heads with various objects to shield themselves from the downpour.
A blinding light momentarily blinded Feng Xin, followed by thunder that shook the trees around him.
Having made it back to his palace, Feng Xin peeled off his wet clothes and threw them to the floor. He shook out his air and after dressing, went in search of Mu Qing.
There was movement and loud shuffling on the other side of Mu Qing's door as Feng Xin was about to knock. The door suddenly swung open, and Mu Qing ran face first into Feng Xin's chest. He jumped back, holding a bag in his arms, with a wild, terrified expression. "I'm sorry!"
"Sorry for what?"
Mu Qing pushed past him, walking briskly down the hall.
"Where are you going?"
"It doesn't rain in heaven, does it?" Mu Qing asked, not turning around.
"Well, no. I'm sure someone is dealing with it–"
"It's me!" Mu Qing stopped suddenly, turning to face him. "I caused this. It happens wherever I go."
Thunder made Feng Xin jump. "What do you mean?"
"I'm not just a ghost, Feng Xin. I'm a calamity. I bring calamities. This is going to get worse unless I leave." His shoulders visibly tensed. "I thought because it was heaven it might not happen."
"You're not doing it on purpose though– something else is happening." Feng Xin put his hands up and tried to approach.
"I don't know what it is! I came out of the kiln like this. I bring bad luck wherever I go." Tears welled up in his eyes, and he glared at the ground. "I was making progress–"
"You're still making progress." Feng Xin eyed the bag in his arms. "Are you leaving?" His voice cracked.
"It'll just get worse until I go. I don't usually stay anywhere for long." The tears were falling now. "I'm glad I got a few pieces–"
Feng Xin closed the distance with a few strides and placed his hands on Mu Qing's.
"P-please don't leave." His voice cracked, and soon he too had tears in his eyes. "I just found you, I can't live without you again."
Mu Qing couldn't meet his eyes. "You don't love me. I'm sure the person you loved wasn't bad luck, or knew how to be a person. I can b-barely–" His lip quivered and he stopped.
Feng Xin yanked the bag from Mu Qing's arms and brought him into his embrace. He held him tightly. "Mu Qing. Don't ever say that. If what I feel isn't real then the sky isn't blue."
Mu Qing sniffed, tense in his arms.
The lanterns all went out in the hallway. Outside was dark and grey, leaving them in near darkness.
Mu Qing sobbed and tried to push away. "Please– it's getting worse."
Feng Xin wouldn't let go.
There was a crash outside and people screamed in the distance.
Mu Qing used all of his strength to push Feng Xin away. "You'll hate me after a while," he cried. "It gets tiring being around someone who only destroys–"
Feng Xin still didn't let go, even as another crash sounded, closer this time.
Buildings were crumbling.
Mu Qing sobbed, grabbing onto Feng Xin's robes as if to tether himself.
"Let's leave." Feng Xin quickly let go and grabbed the forgotten bag, then took Mu Qing's hand and they left heaven.
Their last view was of crumbled palaces.
—
Mu Qing collapsed when they landed in the mortal realm.
Drenched in mud and wet from rain, he couldn't get up as he cried.
Feng Xin picked him up, carrying him as they walked through a forested area and into a town.
By the time they reached the inn, Mu Qing was limp and quiet. He no longer cried, but he didn't speak, and his breathing was still shaky.
Feng Xin laid him on the bed and began taking off his shoes.
"Mn." Mu Qing mumbled.
Undoing his belt, Feng Xin removed his outer robes, placing them to the side to be washed.
He gently guided Mu Qing to lie down, and covered him with blankets, as he himself knelt next to the bed.
"You said that you came out of the kiln this way?"
Mu Qing nodded. "When I came out, an entire forest caught on fire. It's been centuries and it still hasn't grown back, I’ve destroyed livelihoods that decimated towns, a famine passed through a town I settled at for a while.... And then I lived in Ghost City, until a whole block collapsed, including my home." He played with the yellow ribbon nervously. "After a few times, Crimson Rain kicked me out."
"So you cause accidents?"
"Calamities." Mu Qing sighed. "There's no name for me. If there were, it'd be something like 'Idiot Destroys Everything.'" He rolled his eyes.
Feng Xin gently stroked his cheek. "And you think it's somehow related to your memories…"
Mu Qing bit his lip. "I was hoping there would be a clue on how to fix it if I could just remember." He turned his head away from Feng Xin's hand. "You shouldn't stay. You're a god, remember?"
Feng Xin smiled. "But I'm also a fool."
"What?"
Before Mu Qing could say much, a lantern was placed next to him. The others all went out, casting them both in complete darkness. Then, Feng Xin lit the little lantern in his hands.
"Just try to rest for now."
Mu Qing gazed at the dim light, holding the blanket close over his body. "Only if you rest with me," he said softly.
"You want me to…?" Feng Xin shyly motioned to the bed, and Mu Qing rolled his eyes. He scooted back, lifting the blanket to invite Feng Xin into bed.
After quickly undressing to his inner robes, Feng Xin climbed into the spot offered to him.
Mu Qing was tense and Feng Xin felt awkward.
"What do you need right now?" Feng Xin asked.
"Nothing." Mu Qing answered quickly. Then, after a moment of silence, he spoke. "I need… you." In the darkness, Feng Xin couldn't see the deep blush on his cheeks.
Feng Xin chuckled and scooped Mu Qing into his arms. "Like this?"
Mu Qing was stiff, but he gripped onto Feng Xin's robes. "Mn."
Soon they were asleep.
—
Feng Xin woke to the sounds of screaming. He jumped out of bed.
"Mu Qing, come on, something's wrong."
But there was no one else in the room.
Feng Xin ran out, calling for him, when he saw the source of the screams.
The kitchen of the inn was on fire. Multiple people were trying to douse it but the more water they added, the worse it got.
"Stop adding water!" Mu Qing yelled. "It's just making it worse–" He was grabbing for a bucket when a burly man shoved him away.
Feng Xin had the man's arm in his grip, staring daggers. "Don't touch him. And keep adding water to the fire if you want this whole place to burn down." He shoved the man's arm away.
"Mu Qing, let's go."
Feng Xin picked his bag off the floor and led them out the door.
"Trying to run away?" Feng Xin asked suddenly, anger in his tone, though he tried to hide it.
Mu Qing flinched.
"And then you caused a grease fire and tried to help."
"But I made it worse."
"It's a grease fire, they're idiots. There's nothing you could have done."
Mu Qing sulked. "It happened again…"
"It was probably just some moron in the kitchen." Feng Xin sighed at the sight of Mu Qing. He was frowning, his gaze to the ground.
Feng Xin took his hand and pulled him along so they were side by side.
"Come on, I know a place that might help."
—
"What is this?"
They arrived at a barren field, covered in dead plants and dusty brown earth.
"It's…" Feng Xin couldn't see his eyes, choosing instead to rub his thumb along Mu Qing’s hand. "It's your home. Or, where it used to be."
Mu Qing's eyes widened and he looked closer at his surroundings.
There was no trace of a home being here.
"How long ago?" Mu Qing asked.
"Around 800 years," Feng Xin said quietly.
Mu Qing nodded, still scanning the area for any trace of anything. He knelt touching the ground softly, as though it might shatter. "Home," he whispered.
Drops began to rain on the ground, and Mu Qing blinked, trying to stop the tears. "Why did you…" Had he been standing, Mu Qing would have collapsed. "Why did you bring me here?"
"I was hoping I wouldn't need to." Feng Xin knelt beside him.
"I wish you hadn't." Mu Qing's fists clenched. "I remember her. Not entirely but… I feel…"
Then suddenly, Feng Xin was knocked to the ground and Mu Qing's fist came down. Feng Xin narrowly missed it, grabbing Mu Qing's arm and pushing him off.
"Mu Qing? What–"
"Fuck you! Let me go! I wish I'd never met you again. I was so much better off not…" Mu Qing sobbed, falling until Feng Xin's grip on his wrists was the only thing holding him up.
"I'm sorry," Feng Xin said quietly, bringing Mu Qing into his arms as he sobbed. "Our past isn't a happy one."
"It's– all at once, I remember bits and– Feng Xin– make it stop. They keep coming– I don't want to see anymore!" Mu Qing gripped so tightly on Feng Xin's robes that the fabric began to rip.
"AAHH STOP–" Mu Qing cried. "Please stop."
"Mu Qing–"
"Stop, stop, stop, stop stop, STOP, STOP, STOP!"
Feng Xin's mind was in turmoil. He gripped as tightly as he could.
Mu Qing continued to cry out.
"Mu Qing, close your eyes." Feng Xin took his face into his hands and saw the terror there. Mu Qing's eyes were wide with pain, as if he wasn't present, but seeing something terrifying. He breathed heavily as he scrambled to release himself, but Feng Xin held him close.
"Forgive me." Feng Xin leaned down and laid his lips on Mu Qing's. Mid-scream, Feng Xin tried to get him to close his mouth. Slowly, Mu Qing did, his lips coming to rest softly against Feng Xin's. His breathing slowed and his eyes closed.
Feng Xin caught him before he collapsed, releasing his lips to hold him close. Mu Qing lay still for a while, only moving to loosen his grip on Feng Xin's robes.
"It stopped," Mu Qing breathed.
Feng Xin kissed the top of his head. "Forgive me. I didn't realize this would happen."
"It's what I said I wanted." Mu Qing tried to rise, but fell back into Feng Xin's lap. "Why can't I–"
"Just rest for a bit."
"Feng Xin."
"Hm?"
"We weren't together long, were we? Before I…"
Feng Xin froze, willing the tears not to come. "We weren't together for long, no." His grip on Mu Qing tightened slightly.
"It's strange," Mu Qing said. "They don't feel like my memories, but more like someone I don't know, and I'm just feeling their emotions." He was able to climb out of Feng Xin's lap.
"Do you love me, or that person?" Mu Qing asked, his voice cracking with an unreadable expression.
Feng Xin's eyes widened and his heart stopped. Mu Qing is Mu Qing. Then and now.
Right?
At Feng Xin's hesitation, Mu Qing stood, albeit on shaky legs. He grabbed his bag of clothes off of the ground.
"I think it's time we part. I don't know if this worked on getting rid of my calamity, because I don't have all of my memories, but… it's become obvious that–"
Don't cry.
"I'm not the one who has been in your heart."
Don't cry.
Mu Qing ignored the tear that slid down his cheek.
"That's not true–!" Feng Xin scrambled to get up, grabbing hold of Mu Qing before he walked too far away.
"You're you, Mu Qing! The one from my memories and the one now."
"You haven't been crying about me ." Mu Qing shook his arm off, holding his bag to his chest. "You cry all the time about the person in your memories. I remember being him." He shot a glare at Feng Xin. "He was put together. He could hold you, touch you, talk to you–" Mu Qing swallowed. "Kiss you. I don't know how to do those things."
"You glare at me." Feng Xin stopped walking. "You roll your eyes at me. The way you sleep is just as I remember."
Mu Qing also came to a stop, his shoulders hiked up to his ears.
"It's been 800 years. We're not the same people we were back then. You're shaped by 800 years–"
"Of being trapped in the past! One that I didn't remember!" Mu Qing spat, turning around. "Now I do, and I'm even more miserable! Are you happy? Now I can be who I was, and we'll be together again? Is that what you were hoping for?"
"No! I am just happy you're back…" Feng Xin approached. "I would die like I did back then if I never saw you again. I feel that way about the person that you are and who you were."
Taking his hand, Feng Xin took a deep breath. "I love you."
Mu Qing was wide-eyed as Feng Xin brought their foreheads together.
"I love you. "
Mu Qing cried as he spoke. "You don't."
Feng Xin nodded, taking the side of Mu Qing's head into his hands, holding him close. "Please believe me."
If they were any closer, their tears would intermingle.
Mu Qing shook his head, but met Feng Xin half way so their lips met.
The bag was forgotten on the ground as they kissed. They stepped back aimlessly, never pulling away, until Mu Qing tripped over a rock and they went tumbling to the ground.
Feng Xin's weight knocked the wind out of Mu Qing, making him cough.
"Ah, sorry. Are you ok?" Feng Xin stroked his face anxiously.
"I'm fine–" Mu Qing said. "You're heavy."
Rising to his hands, Feng Xin pinned Mu Qing down with legs on either side of Mu Qing’s hips. "Do you believe me?"
Mu Qing's lip quivered as he glared up at Feng Xin.
"Fine." His voice cracked.
Feng Xin smiled, eyes still wet and a little puffy. "Come home with me?"
"What if I destroy heaven?" His face softened. "What if they find out you live with a ghost?"
"What are they gonna do, stop me? Plus, there's already another god with a ghost for a husband. We're fine."
Mu Qing blushed at the word husband.
"Ok fine, get off me."
Grabbing the bag of clothes off the ground, they headed back to heaven.
The calamities stopped after that. At the very least, heaven wasn't destroyed even after months of Mu Qing living there.
It didn't stay a secret that Feng Xin had taken a ghost for a partner, but no one dared question him.
—
Mu Qing twirled the yellow ribbon in his hands.
He was tucked into bed, waiting anxiously for Feng Xin to come home. He didn't like sleeping by himself anymore.
There was a singular lantern on. A tiny one that lived by the bed.
Mu Qing felt comforted by the light. Even though he now lived in a place where light shone from all directions, he still felt a small lantern's fire comforting.
Back then, he lived from place to place, living without light at all. When he found small lanterns, lit and full of life, he felt something inside him like hope. Maybe he would light up one day too.
The door creaked open and Mu Qing practically ran toward it.
Feng Xin stepped inside, and was greeted by two arms wrapped around his neck.
"You're cold," Mu Qing complained.
"Yeah, I was just outside." Feng Xin rolled his eyes.
"Welcome home," Mu Qing said quietly.
Feng Xin chuckled as he hugged his husband back. "Thanks."