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Clarke is tired. And not just tired, like she needs a nap, but the kind of bone crushing tired that comes from running yourself dry and not sleeping for what seems like months.She had known this year was going to be tough, but she was staring to feel like she couldn't handle her final year of grad school, and then feeling even more frustrated because she was Clarke Griffin and she was supposed to be able to. But international relations was hard, and between juggling classes and her thesis and a job, it was just becoming overwhelming.
She's looking forward to finally coming home and crashing because she has a day off tomorrow and she's hoping with everything she has that some sleep with fix whatever this emotional fragility she's dealing with. It's getting really annoying.
She opens the door to the apartment she and Bellamy share and tosses her keys on the entryway table in almost a daze. Her eyes are halfway closed from exhaustion which isn't really a big deal, she can maneuver around the space by muscle memory alone at this point.
With shoes off and backpack slumped carelessly against the wall she shuffles forward a few steps and stops cold in her tracks.
Her eyes fly open, and she lets out a shriek as she drops to the floor and bats away the masses of cobwebs that are tangling themselves in her hair. Clarke frantically searches for spiders and then her eyes land on a fake skeleton leaning against the wall before she remembers that today is October first.
Of course.Today is October first and Bellamy has clearly just decorated the apartment, and it isn't in fact infested with spiders, and that part of her life isn't falling apart.Unfortunately the rest of it is, and she's already on the floor, and at some point during the webbed battle her traitorous eyes let a few tears slip out, and she can't really find enough energy to pull herself together so few more slip out.
It's stupid. She shouldn't be crying, she needs to grow up and handle this like the mature twenty three year old she is. She's not allowed to be crying.
Of course trying to stop her meltdown is just bringing it on faster and soon she's cluching at her knees and trying to figure out when she stopped breathing and how to start doing it again and she thinks distantly she can hear someone saying her name, but it probably doesn't matter because if she's not breathing, she's not going to be very good at responding.
And then she feels something very distinct and warm wrap around her. Bellamy is sitting down next to her and he's pulling her into his lap and rubbing circles into her back. They're rocking back and forth in their hallway and she's losing it, and he's holding her together- just like he always does.
"Shhh, Clarke," he murmurs into her hair. "Just breathe with me, Princess, we can handle this. I'm right here. Just take your time, I'm right here."Bellamy is here, and he's always been here, and she doesn't know why she didn't see it before but she needs him- in every way she thinks she needs him.
Her thoughts get so wrapped up in him that her breathing finally evens out and she tilts her head up from where she must have buried it in his neck in her panic. He's looking at her with such raw concern that she skips a breath for a completely different reason this time.
"What happened?" He says, and it's then she remembers that she freaked out over a fake spider web. If her cheeks weren't already rosy from crying, she knows she's be blushing like a fool.
"I, um, kind of ran into the spider webs you hung and I just sort of lost it?" Clarke squeaks out. She can see the humor in it, but she mostly just feels embarrassed. Bellamy laughs, and tightens his arms around her.
"Yeah, I probably should have warned you about that, but I forgot you've been a zombie for the past three weeks. "
He's not wrong, but she's a little startled that he'd noticed. She had barely seen him at all (although that could be because she spent most of her time that she wasn't working or studying in a haze). Still, he says the words lightly, and it lets her know her meltdown wasn't really about his decorating scheme. Clarke doesn't really know what to say, but Bellamy knows her just as well as she knows him, it seems, so he fills the silence just the way it needs to be filled.
"I left all of the window stickers for you to put up," he says, and she's overwhelmed by how considerate he is- how Bellamy he is.
"You're the best," she breathes. "You're-" she pauses not really sure how to go on.
"I know, Princess," he says lightly and she knows he understands. "I know," he kisses her on the forehead light and lingering. "Just tell me what you need."
You, she thinks, but settles for "Can we figure it out later?"
They sit in the hall until she's ready.