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Noah maintained that what they'd done was not breaking in.
Yes, the little studio in the palace where Gregory filmed the Friday Address each week was locked. And yes, technically Joan had stolen the key from her father the king in order to let herself and Noah into the studio. But Gregory hadn't even noticed the key going missing before it was back, and Joan lived in the palace, after all. The studio was for the use of the royal family, and Noah and Joan were both royals, with the uniform and everything.
("You're so tiny," Noah had teased her gently, when she was being fitted for her first uniform. "It's like doll clothes. Adorable."
"I'll fight you and win," Joan had informed him.)
And anyway if what they'd done was "breaking in" then Joan's other dad Eddie, who came and went via ground-floor windows with baffling regularity, was constantly breaking and entering.
But all of that wasn't relevant, Noah insisted. While they hadn't asked permission to use the studio or equipment, they had entered with a key and used it for its intended purpose, which was to address the public.
The studio was meant for broadcasting, but the camera was digital and had a record function as well. Joan had operated the hardware and served as ad-hoc director while Noah recorded his message to the public from the little set that was done up to look like Gregory's office. He'd even done makeup for it, and admittedly it looked very professional.
Laid out like that, Eddie had freely admitted he didn't have much of a leg to stand on. Gregory, standing in the family dining room with his arms crossed, did not admit it, but it was hard to maintain an air of authority or discuss punishing them when Michaelis, next to him, was laughing so hard he was crying.
"This is justice," Michaelis managed, wheezing, shaking a finger at Gregory. "All the trouble you and your cousins got up to, the near heart attacks you gave me, it's being visited back on you."
"You know what didn't happen all those times?" Gregory said tartly. "My grandfather wasn't sitting next to you, undermining you."
"No, but Eitan indulged you three when I would have been stricter, all the time," Michaelis replied, wiping his eyes.
"Dad did go very easy on us," Gerald put in thoughtfully.
"Probably because our father never went easy on him," Michaelis said.
"It's not that I think the film studio is dangerous or that you'd break something," Gregory said with a sigh. "You're both conscientious. Even Noah never means to destroy whole buildings."
"One and a half buildings, once, and that was years ago," Noah protested.
"My point is that you also put up a poll on the national app, with the ostensible backing of the palace, without speaking to me or comms or anyone else first," Gregory finished.
"He's got you there, kid," Eddie said. "You really should have at least run it past me first."
"I don't know what the big deal is about us putting up a poll," Noah said. "Michaelis said that Gregory did it when he was my age."
Gregory shot a look at his father, who shrugged and said, "I told Noah you did market research, I didn't offer details."
"What I did was commission covert market research because I was having a sexuality crisis," Gregory said. "I didn't blast it out publicly to every person with a phone in the entire country."
"Wait, back up," Alanna said. "When did you have market research about your sexuality done?"
"That's definitely a poll I would have wanted to vote in," Jes said.
"It's not important -- " Gregory saw he was going to lose this fight and sighed, sitting down. "When I was younger I wanted to be sure that if I was out and ran for king I'd still have a chance. So I had Comms take some soundings. Quietly and privately."
"Well, fuck, that's way less funny than I'd hoped," Gerald said. "What'd you get back?"
"Ninety one percent in favor of, and none of this is important right now," Gregory retorted.
"I think it's important," Joan piped up. "That's pretty cool of us, ninety one percent, but we gotta find that other nine percent and deport them."
"We don't deport people for being dickheads," Noah said.
"Sadly," Eddie added.
"Yet," Joan said darkly.
Gregory rubbed his eyes exhaustedly.
"Gregory," his father said. "In all seriousness, this is youthful high spirits poured into something that's actually rather productive. Fundamentally, it's as if they broke into a library to read books. Noah is using the app's poll function in the way both you and I intended it when it was being implemented."
The awful thing was, he was right.
The video had dropped on Noah's Photogram, NoahTheTerror, early that morning. It was the top of a lot of peoples' feeds when they checked their phones over breakfast. It was a Sunday and not yet the height of tourist season, so nobody in Fons-Askaz had anything better to do than immediately begin a furious debate about the topic of the video. Eddie had woken Gregory up laughing at it; by the time Noah arrived with Jes and Michaelis for brunch, Joan had admitted to her part in it and both of them were theoretically in hot water. Gregory didn't enjoy feeling like he was punishing everyone for their transgressions, but he'd asked Simon to hold brunch until they'd had a family meeting about the video and the poll.
In the video itself, Noah sat at the fake desk in the fake little office where Gregory filmed the Friday Address. Tall and striking in his pristine black uniform with gold trim, Noah sat where Gregory usually did, hands folded the way Gregory usually had his folded when he wasn't holding something to read from.
When he spoke, however, he wasn't doing an impression of Gregory, who had only been doing the address for two years; he was doing a spot-on rendition of Michaelis, who had done it for the previous forty or so.
"Good morning, Fons-Askaz, Askazer-Shivadlakia, our neighbors, and our viewers abroad," he said, in the very cadence Michaelis had said it, week after week. It was the way Gregory and most of the adults in Askazer-Shivadlakia had learned the recitation by heart, to the point that Noah saying "morning" instead of "evening" had felt fundamentally wrong.
Then in the video Noah grinned, one cheek dimpling, shifting into his own natural vocal register. "Fun to get to say that myself," he added. "This morning I'm uploading a poll to the National Resources app, which you can access via this link..." he pointed to a button that appeared in the video, "...or by going to the app and clicking on the Public Opinion button. I'm here to offer some context about the poll. I'm having trouble making a decision and it occurred to me that, as a prince and a representative of the country, I should consult the constituency. Particularly since it's a matter of how I will be representing Askazer-Shivadlakia to the world."
The poll itself was titled Prince Noah's University Decision and had several options:
Royal Shivadh University
Linnaeus University
Cardiff University
New York University
CUNY City College
University of California at Santa Cruz
In the video, Noah didn't just list off the schools, all of which he'd been accepted to or at least felt he would be -- "Still waiting on Linnaeus" -- but talked about the benefits of each, both for him and for the country.
Gregory had to admit, if only to himself, that Noah had a point about taking soundings. As prince, a natural inclination was to attend Royal Shivadh; he'd get to stay in-country and show support for a school so young it had less than two hundred students at present. Gregory's mother Miranda had always wanted to found a university in-country, but it had taken a long time to get it planned out, funded, and executed; she'd died by the time Michaelis, in his last few years as king, had pushed it through. It was a very earnest little school, but it wasn't what one would call prestigious, or well-connected.
Linnaeus and Cardiff were good schools and relatively nearby; Linnaeus had a strong international community that Noah could make use of as a prince, and Askazer-Shivadlakia's connection to Welsh culture meant a lot of Shivadh students chose to study at Cardiff, so the school was used to the slightly oddball Shivadh way of going about things. NYU and City were both far away, but Noah had grown up in New York, had a network there, and the schools had good programs in theatre and poli-sci.
UC Santa Cruz was Eddie's alma mater, and had already reached out to Noah to inform him that he could essentially write his own degree if he chose. They'd added that any American university would be thrilled to have someone like Noah attending, prince or not, but he could raise the Shivadh profile internationally by attending an American school.
So, Noah wanted to know, where did the people of his country think he should attend?
Usually, in the National app's public opinion poll votes, private citizens' names weren't listed, but public servants were. Votes from ministers of parliament, palace staff, and the royal family all showed up as part of the public record. By the time Gregory was attempting to scold Noah and Joan over hijacking the National Resources app, Eddie's name had already popped up under UCSC.
"I think it showed initiative," Jes said. "Maybe ask permission instead of forgiveness a little more often," they added to Noah, pinching air between their fingers. "If only to set a good example for Joan."
"As if Joan follows anyone's example," Gregory sighed. Joan grinned at him, unrepentant, well aware that it was unlikely there'd be any serious punishment.
"And his school choice can be considered a political one," Michaelis added. "It is a little fraught, the idea of Prince Noah leaving the country to study instead of attending Royal Shivadh."
There was a rap on the door to the family dining room, and Simon looked in.
"Safe to serve breakfast?" he asked hesitantly. "Only the eggs will not keep warm for much longer without suffering."
"Thanks, Simon. Yes, bring it in," Gregory said. Simon pulled the door wider and pushed the serving cart through, beginning to set dishes out on the table and the sideboard.
"I mean it though, you two," Gregory continued, as people began helping themselves to eggs and toast, fruit salad, potato pancakes, baked beans. "Next time you want to use the poll function, Noah, you need to ask first. Even I have to get my referendums approved by Comms. Joan, don't even think about trying to post one until you're at least seventeen."
"Fair enough," Noah said. "We just thought it would be fun. And useful. Who's winning now, anyway?"
"Changing by the minute," Gerald told him, checking his phone with one hand, food untouched since he was holding Serafina against his chest with the other. Michaelis reached out and lifted her away so he could actually eat. "Thanks. Voting is very fierce. That said, Linnaeus is definitely losing, and there's controversy in the comments."
"Over what?" Alanna asked, leaning over to see.
"Cardiff alumni trying to recruit people to vote Cardiff, on the basis it'll keep the prince close, and a lot of Royal Shivadh voters calling everyone else unpatriotic. My vote's public as vizier, right?"
"I believe so," she replied.
"Hm. In that case I need to decide where to vote for maximum chaos," he mused. "Jes, have you voted yet? I'm not seeing your name, only Eddie's."
"I'm not public record, technically," they replied. "It hurt to do it, but I voted NYU."
"Why did it hurt? You went to NYU, didn't you?" Eddie asked, as Gerald tapped away on his phone.
"Yeah, which means I know how much it costs. I had a scholarship that made it possible, but I also had loans, and the palace might have funds set aside for tuition for the royal family but it's still..." Jes rubbed their index and middle fingers against their thumb, a sign for money. "I don't know if it'd be worth the price, for Noah."
"Ah. Ouch," Eddie agreed.
"I know it's a good school, Theophile, but Santa Cruz is also very far away," Michaelis said. "Ceece and Tully are reasonably close by if there's an emergency, but it makes visits home laborious. Cardiff's a good compromise -- near enough for a weekend visit, not close enough for an unplanned one. Not as prestigious as NYU, perhaps, but speaking as someone who didn't attend university at all, the family doesn't need to be snobbish about it."
"I thought you'd be going hard for Royal Shivadh," Alanna said.
"It's a quality education, at least I think, but it hasn't got the name recognition of the others. And while we do make sacrifices as servants of the crown, I don't think Noah should sacrifice his degree just to boost their profile," Michaelis replied. "Much as I'd like him to stay in-country, he shouldn't do that just to please me, either."
Joan let out a laugh, and Michaelis glanced at her, curious.
"Sorry, I wasn't laughing at you, Grandfather," she said. "Just -- this is the same thing that's happening in the app right now. Everyone's arguing about what'd be best for Noah and what'd show off the country best and all that. Kinda proves our point about why we put the poll up, huh?"
"Don't look at me. When she's making political problems she's your daughter," Eddie said to Gregory.
"So are we off the hook?" Joan asked.
"Yes, fine, Noah's parents won't punish him and I can't," Gregory grumbled. "And you, young woman, clearly fell under a bad influence, and it'd be unfair to punish you and not Noah..."
"What if I apologize really sincerely?" Noah asked.
"Wouldn't think you'd be capable of it," Gregory retorted. Noah clutched his chest as if he'd been shot. "No, it's fine. At least you weren't putting up a poll about what kind of ice cream is best or something."
There was a ding from his phone; Gregory checked the poll app and saw Gerald dux Shivadlakia pop up under the votes for Cardiff. The recruiting for cardiff thread in the poll comments promptly went bananas. Several people are typing...
"Are you actually going to abide by whatever the poll ends up saying?" Alanna asked Noah.
"No -- I say at the end of the video that I'll take it into account but I'm not letting a whole country of trolls pick where I'm going to college," Noah said. "Like how I also didn't put a write-in option so that I don't end up attending some unaccredited party 'school' in Florida or something."
With impeccable timing, most of the phones in the room gave a little beep, the specific tone the National app used for notifications. Joan cackled.
"Someone started a new page in the Public Petitions section," she said, showing Noah. "The Petition to require Prince Noah to attend Siberian Polytechnic and Agricultural University is now collecting signatures."
"That can't be real," Noah said.
"There's a link. They have a college of reindeer husbandry," Joan said. "Oh, Gerald could go too, they also have a dog breeding program. Ah, nevermind, it's only for sled dogs."
"You could probably hitch a team of hunthunds to a sled," Gerald said. "Every one of them would pull in a different direction but honestly where's the challenge with huskies, anyway?"
"They list who starts the petitions on the back end, you know," Gregory said, consulting his phone.
"Oops," Gerald said.
"Did you just have Siberian A&M at your fingertips?" Eddie asked.
"Never too early to start looking at options for the little one," Gerald replied, nodding at Serafina, who was punching Michaelis, gently but continuously, in the sternum. "I just searched for a listicle about universities nobody would believe was real and picked the one that looked funniest."
"This is clever," Alanna said, looking at her phone. "Royal Shivadh University just put out a Photogram post declaring itself the Safety School of Kings. They're selling t-shirts as a fundraiser."
"Oh! I want one!" Noah said.
"I'll put in an order," Alanna said.
"Do they have onesies?" Gerald asked.
"I told you that you get one novelty outfit for Sera per year and you spent this year's on the one that says Shivadh/Hervadh on it," Alanna replied, not looking up from her phone.
"Oh, now that's funny," Eddie said, offering Gerald a fistbump.
The bickering went off track then, on to other subjects, and Gregory let it go. He caught Noah and Joan exchanging a conspiratorial grin at having gotten away with it, but honestly, there wasn't any harm done and sometimes it paid to give a kid a little slack.
Aside from one or two remarks in Noah's defense, Jes had been quiet during the discussion of the university poll at breakfast. Noah could understand why; he wasn't feeling great about leaving home for college either, or rather he swung between excitement and a deep anxiety. Michaelis, he was sure, would miss him, and he'd miss Michaelis too, but Jes was his parent, had raised him, and for a lot of his life they'd been a team. It would be hard to be away from them.
After breakfast, they'd walked back to the fishing lodge and spent the day mostly quietly -- Noah on his phone while Jes and Michaelis read and chatted, Michaelis working on the crossword. In the afternoon they watched a football match on TV followed by a movie, and Michaelis cooked dinner, which meant Noah did the washing-up. He saw his parents exchanging looks in the living room as he washed the plates, and figured out pretty quickly why, when Michaelis made himself scarce with his book.
"I'm going out on the porch, kiddo," Jes said, and Noah waved to show he'd heard. He finished with the washing, dried his hands, and checked his phone before putting it on do-not-disturb and joining Jes on the porch. They were sitting on a rocking-chair bench that Michaelis had brought home a few weeks ago, and Noah settled next to them, propping his feet on a nearby stool and rocking them both gently.
"I know at least some adult in your life should genuinely punish you for pulling that stunt this morning," Jes said, head tipped back. "But you are such a sweet and earnest kid, I can't bring myself to give a damn. All this power and access suddenly at your fingertips, and you just wanted to ask everyone some advice about college."
"Well, it's like you said, someone's gotta set an example for Joan," he said, and they smiled and rested their head on his shoulder -- it was a little awkward at this point for him to try to lean on theirs. "I always want to know what you think, too, you know that."
"You didn't when you were thirteen," they said with a grin.
"Yeah, and I learned that lesson fast," he replied. "I like NYU, you know. If I go there it's because I think it'll be worth the cost."
"Ah, hell, we have the money," Jes said. "I mean, probably, mostly we do. It wouldn't put you in debt for your best working years, is what I'm saying."
"Good to know. But I don't think it's going to be NYU. Or Royal Shivadh."
"They seem to be taking it well," Jes pointed out.
"Thank goodness," Noah agreed. He exhaled, consciously relaxing, and they sat there for a while, quiet in the dusk, watching the lake ripple gently.
"Boss, I think it's going to be Santa Cruz," he said at last.
Jes turned their head and kissed him on the temple. "First-rate human."
Noah looked at them, surprised. "You're okay with it?"
"Sweetheart, every school you listed would be lucky to have you and you'd thrive anywhere. NYU was my only option because of where I was in life. I'm frankly just thrilled you've got so many places to choose from, and that you feel okay being honest about where you want to go."
"Yeah, it was...nice to have options," Noah agreed. "I know it's far."
"Well, I'm not nuts that you're going to be in California for four years, but it's a good school. You'll be close to Eddie's people, and it's not like you're moving to Mars. You'll be home for vacations, and we can come out to see you. You'll probably be our excuse to bring the grandkids out to California more often, to spend time with Ceece and Tully."
"I think it'll be good. And...I mean this isn't why I'm doing it, but -- "
"Ephraim's in California," Jes said knowingly. Noah nodded.
"We work really well together. If I'm out there with him we can do podcasts and streaming in person. It's not just that I like seeing him, it's...a business decision."
"And also you like seeing him."
"I can't explain it," he said, because he couldn't. In all of his relationships -- familial, friendly, romantic -- Ephraim was unique. Not a boyfriend and not exactly a brother, but a kind of force of gravity. They hadn't even seen each other in person since last summer, but they talked most days and when they gamed together they were a great team, and they had plans for a podcast eventually. There were a lot of people Noah would miss if he went to California -- his friends Jamie and Amani, his family, the shopkeepers and food vendors in town who knew him. But he'd have to go sometime, and at least in California he'd get to see Ephraim.
"You don't have to explain it," Jes said, which was a real relief. "Sometimes we just click with people. It isn't always romantic love -- like me with Lachlan. We'll be friends all our lives, I think, even though we also have partners and families. But it doesn't happen very often, so when you find someone like that you have to nurture it. And as people go, Ephraim's also a first-rate human."
"Thanks."
"Nothing to thank me for. This is payback for raising you right," they said. "Come on inside, get some sleep. School day tomorrow."
"Yeah, yeah," he agreed, rising to follow them in.
As he walked down the hall to his own bedroom, Noah could hear Michaelis in the bedroom he shared with Jes, moving around and talking, Jes speaking and him replying. He didn't think much of it until he reached his room and saw a shipping box sitting on the bed. It was open, and when he lifted the flap he saw a bundle of deep blue fabric. He lifted it up and shook it out; it was a hoodie with UCSC - BANANA SLUGS in yellow in it, with a stylized slug mascot underneath.
From the doorway behind him, Michaelis cleared his throat.
"The school colors are blue and gold. Close enough to Shivadh colors," he said.
"Blue is for loyalty, and the bounty of the sea," Noah murmured, pulling the hoodie on and turning around. "How did you know? Freaky cold-reading the room like when you guessed Alanna was pregnant?"
"A little bit that, a little bit luck," Michaelis admitted. "Seemed like it'd be that or NYU. Theophile's going to be very pleased. He's threatened a donation big enough to get at least a hot dog stand named after him, if you go there."
"It's a long way to go."
"Worried for us or for yourself?"
"Both."
Michaelis smiled. "You've seen how close I am with Gregory, but I did survive sending him off to boarding school, and then Paris and London. For most of that we didn't even have Photogram or video calling. Jes will be fine, too; they love you but they know how to let go. And, I'm confident, you will thrive wherever you go."
"Hope so. I guess if not I can come home."
"Indeed. I can't pretend to give much specific advice in this -- my higher education was what you might call vocational -- but you have a home here. You can always come back to it. What will you study at Santa Cruz?"
"Theater and PoliSci, maybe some A/V engineering. They have game design classes too, and the Phys Ed department has sail lessons. They've said I can write my own degree. I'm still figuring out the shape of it. I think I might be designing something close to BFA in Influencer."
"Lord. Well, if anyone can get through that unscathed, I suppose it's you," Michaelis said. "Just don't let California turn your head. They might have big waves and a fancy university, but we have fried breakfast."
Noah laughed. "Thanks. And thanks for the hoodie."
"Sleep well, Tavat. Another day of daunting fate for you tomorrow," Michaelis added, as he left.
Ephraim was nine hours behind Noah, in California, so it wasn't a big deal to call him late at night. He answered on the second ring, no preamble: "It's super unfair I can't vote in the poll."
"Agreed, but we can't have foreign weirdos influencing results," Noah told him.
"Who won?"
"Poll goes till midnight, but Cardiff started to pull ahead, I think probably they'll win."
"Cardiff, huh?" Ephraim said, in a tone of voice that told Noah he was prepared to be a grownup about being disappointed.
"Yeah, but I told everyone I just wanted opinions, I'll make my own decision," Noah said. "I told Jes and Michaelis tonight. It's gonna be Santa Cruz."
There was a pause. "But for real?" Ephraim asked, voice rising.
"Yeah. They're a good school and they'll let me write my own ticket, and I hear Cardiff's kinda rainy."
Ephraim let out a real, unfiltered laugh -- he didn't laugh often, but when he did he put his whole heart into it. "That's awesome. Awesome! You'll be so close!"
"I know! We can game in person and all kinds of stuff," Noah said. "They have a sail program too. I could literally sail a boat to Santa Luna to hang out."
"Whoa."
"Right?" Noah flopped back on his bed, pleased with himself. "It'll be a year before I get there but that just gives us time to make all kindsa plans."
"But -- " Ephraim said, and then was silent. Noah waited patiently; sometimes Ephraim went quiet and he filled the quiet with chatter, but he was learning when he just needed to wait, too. "You didn't do it just because of me, right?" he asked finally, anxiety in his tone.
"Nah. You're part of it, but it's a good school and I really liked California. Eddie's the one who convinced me to apply, so it's even more him than you, anyhow."
"Good," Ephraim said. "Hey, you wanna game some?"
"I shouldn't, it's a school night. But tomorrow, yeah? I haven't told anyone other than the folks yet. I figure I can announce on our next stream."
"Sure. Can I tell my folks?"
"Yeah, just let them know not to spill it yet. I'm gonna go up and have palace breakfast tomorrow, I'll tell Eddie then."
"It's gonna be awesome, Noah," Ephraim said, voice warm.
"Gonna be awesome all my life," Noah replied. "Virtual fistbump, bud."
"Back atcha," Ephraim said, and hung up. Noah plugged in his phone and changed out of his clothes, into a pair of pajama pants -- then dug in the discarded clothes and retrieved the UCSC hoodie, pulling it on and snuggling down into it to sleep in.
It turned out that while Royal Shivadh University did not issue a onesie reading SAFETY SCHOOL OF KINGS, there were plenty of novelty t-shirt shops in Fons-Askaz that did custom silkscreening and were happy to take a commission from the Duke of Shivadlakia.
The photograph of Noah in his UCSC hoodie, holding Serafina in a onesie that read FUTURE ROYAL SHIVADH DROPOUT, didn't go as viral as some of Noah's posts had in the past -- but he did get Ephraim to do a painting of it, which hung on his wall in various dorm rooms and apartments for all four of his years at Santa Cruz.