Chapter Text
Remus whimpered. He was the wolf. The walls of the shrieking shack felt like they were closing in on him. They always did on full moons. But something was different this time. Through the sounds of the old house, he heard footsteps, and the floorboards creaking. And the heavy, iron smell of blood was more present than usual. And this time, it wasn’t his own
He wandered through the old hallways, following the sound and the scent. He was getting closer. He could tell who it was now. Him. Severus Snape. He saw a black cloak whip around the corner.
There.
Hunger grew inside the wolf. Remus prepared himself for the chase. He was close. So close, to filling the hunger that always lingered in him when he transformed. He got ready to bolt, but then...
Sharp antlers slammed into his side. He let out a pained howl, and crashed into the wall adjacent to him. And everything faded back to darkness...
⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ☆ ⋆⁺₊⋆
“Remus?”
His eyes snapped open. Blinding white light flooded his vision. The hospital wing. It was always more brightly lit than the rest of the castle. Remus rubbed the spots out his eyes, and let himself focus on the boys by his bedside.
James was there. And Peter was too. But Sirius... Where was Sirius? They were always there when he woke up.
“Oh, you’re okay, thank Merlin” James sighed in relief. You’ve been out for a while.” “What happened? Where’s Sirius?”
“Uhm.” James shifted on his feet. He looked nervous. “Well... What do you remember?”
Remus closed his eyes and tried to recall the previous night. “I... remember being the wolf. Being hungry. There was someone else there... And... a deer??”
James nodded. “But, um. Don’t say the deer thing to anyone, alright?”
“Why?”
“Because...well... you gotta promise not to be mad, okay?”
“James.” Remus said. “What did you do?”
“We um. We became animagi. Illegally.”
Remus said “How? And why??”
“Welllll” Peter started. “We were doing research on. Y'know. Your furry little problem. To see if there were any ways we could help. And we came across this story of a lady who became an animagi to help her brother when he was bitten. Because werewolves are only really dangerous to humans. Humans in human form, anyways. So we thought we’d try.”
“But— why?? The process is supposed to be miserable, and you did it illegally—you could be sent to Azkaban! I’m not worth that.”
James wrinkled his nose. “Of course you’re worth that. And anyways, too late now! We’re all gonna be with you next full moon, okay?”
“But what if I hurt you?”
“You won't.” Peter said “You’re not dangerous to animals, remember? Plus, James is a deer, and Sirius is this big black dog. And I’m a mouse, so I’ll be too small for you to hurt!”
“Okay...” Remus bit at his fingernails. “Just... don’t get hurt. And where is Sirius, anyway?”
James and Peter glanced at each other nervously.
“Well...”
“What?”
“So...The person there, in the shack last night... Well, that was Snape. And uhm. Well, he’s been bugging all of us lately. About where you go every full moon. He knew why. He figured it out, none of us confirmed it or anything. And he’s been asking Sirius the most. And uhm. They were upset last night, and they snapped. They told Snape how to get to you. And. Well. I’m sure they didn’t think Snape was actually gonna go try and find you, but... He did. So I was looking at the map, and I saw him, and I asked Sirius, and they told us. So I turned into the deer and got you away, and turned back before Snape saw, and got us both out of there. And uhm. Yeah.”
“Oh...oh my god...”
“Remus, they really didn’t mean for that all to happen. It was just a mistake.” James reached out to hold his shoulder, but he flinched away.
“Where are they?”
“In Dumbledore’s office. We um. We think they’re getting expelled.”
“Good.” Remus said coldly. “They should be.”
“Remus-”
“I could have killed Snape.” He whispered. “I could have killed him, do you realize that? His blood on my hands. I’d be expelled. I’d be sent to Azkaban. I could be murdered, James.”
“I- I didn’t think of that. I’m sorry. I should have. We’ll-” James looked at Peter for a moment. “We’ll cut them out, right, Pete?”
“Yeah. We will.” Peter answered. “We’re here for you, Remus.”
“...No.” Remus sighed. “Don’t cut them out. That’ll kill them. And I don’t want anyone’s blood on my hands. Just—just keep them away from me, okay?”
“Yeah, we will. Of course.”
“Okay. Thanks.” He thought for a moment. “Can I be alone for a bit?”
“Yeah. We’ll see you back at the dorm, right?”
“Mhm.”
And so, they left. And Remus just sat there. And he thought. Sirius....how could they? Didn’t they love him? Why... how... Didn’t they know how much this would hurt him? Didn’t they care? Or was their revenge on Snape really so much more worth it than their relationship? Or was it really just a mistake? And what now? Was this the end of their relationship? No... it couldn't be. Breaking up would mean...No one else was ever going to love him... Everyone else had left... Friends, relationships, everyone... He couldn’t be alone again. He couldn’t risk it. But staying... staying...
Tears ran down Remus’s face. He was angry. Angry at Sirius. Angry at himself. Angry he trusted them. Angry he fell in love. Angry he couldn’t leave.
He let out a sob. Sob after sob after sob. He couldn’t do this. But he had to, didn’t he? Was there any other option?
Dying.
The idea crawled into Remus’s mind. Dying would make it all stop. Just one little avada kedavra and...
“Remus?”
He looked towards the voice. Madame Pomfrey was heading towards him.
“Remus, dear, I heard what happened. Are you alright?”
“I....” He wiped the tears from his eyes. “Yeah. I’m okay.”
“Oh, dear.” She rushed over to hug him. “I’m so sorry, Remus.”
“I don’t know what to do...” He whispered. “Every choice just feels...wrong. And I don’t know what to do. I feel trapped. I just... I need a break from it all”
“Well... Have you thought about going home for a bit?”
“Home?”
“Well, dear, everyone thinks you’re there now to visit your mother. So if you need a break... why don’t you really go? It could help.”
“Yeah... Maybe. Would Headmaster Dumbledore be okay with that?”
“I’m sure he wouldn’t mind, given the circumstances.”
“Then... Yeah, I think that’d be good, then. Thank you, Ma'am.”
“Of course, dear. Are you ready for your elixir, now? I’ve modified it. I think it should heal the cuts faster than the last one.”
“Okay. Thank you.”
She walked away, and Remus stopped to think about everything. Home... His father would be at work, so he wouldn’t have to worry about that. And his mother... Well, she needed the company. A break would be nice, right? And now, maybe he’d have the chance to get over Sirius a little faster.
This would be good.
Right?