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when shotaro enters the apartment something feels off.
there are three pairs of shoes by the door. one for anton, one for seunghan, and one for sohee. it makes perfect sense, but something about it is too perfect. anton thinks of himself as a neat freak but even he knows that’s not true. shotaro toes off his shoes and leaves them with the others.
anton excitedly pulls him by the arm to the kitchen. he’s been cooking, enough for four. the table is set for four. the food smells delicious and shotaro tells anton this, but something is off.
shotaro tries to blame it on the weather. it’s raining out and the patter of rain on the windows is usually relaxing, but the distant rumbling of thunder makes him jumpy. he definitely jumps when seunghan emerges from his bedroom, dark circles prominent under his eyes.
“oh sorry,” seunghan apologizes, “i’m not used to anton having other people over.”
there’s something strange about seunghan’s word choice, what “other” person was he referring to? anton was still in college, but as far as shotaro knows his only friends were his roommates.
“i can go,” seunghan offers.
“no, join us for dinner hyung!” anton beams, stirring the soup he made before turning off the burner.
seunghan looks at the table forlornly and sighs. shotaro gets the vibe that something is wrong. did they have a fight?
shotaro moves to sit in the farthest chair, not wanting to be in the way.
“hey,” anton complains, “that spot is taken.”
“oh! will sohee be joining us?” shotaro asks moving to the chair beside it and the room is silent for a moment.
“he,” seunghan paused in front of the table and looked at anton, “uh, got stuck in the storm… on the way back from his mom’s place,” seunghan finished.
shotaro remembered the shoes by the door. he thought sohee was home, but surely everyone had more than one pair of shoes. he probably took rain boots.
there is a brief flicker of pain in seunghan’s eyes. shotaro got the feeling something was wrong for a while. did they get in a fight? why was everything so tense?
anton pouts, “he’s always at his mom’s.”
shotaro realizes then how tired seunghan looks. maybe he just woke up from a nap. shotaro smiles as anton places a bowl in front of him. the soup is actually amazing and shotaro wonders where anton learned how to cook so well.
“sohee taught me,” anton beams when he asks.
so they do spend time together. it doesn’t help shotaro’s suspicion that anton is only dating him because he’s jealous of seunghan and sohee’s relationship. he always compares their relationship to his roommates. he wants anton to be happy though so he goes along with it for now. it’s only been a few months. he doesn’t want to hurt anton’s feelings by telling him to stop.
shotaro has never truly met sohee. he’s seen pictures from anton’s social media, and been to parties where he was around, but they’ve never managed to meet and have a conversation. shotaro has met seunghan a couple times, though they’ve never spent time together like this.
seunghan barely speaks during dinner, answering shotaro’s questions with one word answers. it seems uncharacteristic from what he remembers about the younger. shotaro is starting to feel awkward. maybe the apartment was more lively with sohee around or when it was sunny outside. he has half a mind to ask what happened but he doesn’t want to make things more awkward for seunghan’s sake.
“the storm is getting bad, you should wait until it lets up,” anton cautions when he sees shotaro reaching for his coat after dinner.
“you can sleep in sohee’s room,” seunghan offers, “he won’t be using it. the sheets are clean.”
shotaro wonders why sohee’s sheets were washed. he could just thoroughly clean before going out, but shotaro finds it odd.
anton frowns, “he could come home hyung.”
“he’s not going to make it tonight,” seunghan looks at his phone as if to read a text, however, shotaro can see the screen isn’t on.
shotaro knows now. something is definitely wrong.
shotaro set his things down carefully inside the room. sohee seemed to be a very meticulous person. the room was spotless other than the thick layer of dust covering most of the surfaces. shotaro couldn’t go a week without dusting. he sneezes. why would the sheets be washed but the surfaces so unkempt? shotaro reasons that seunghan and sohee are both adults, they probably share a bed.
there’s a notebook on the nightstand and shotaro reaches for it without thought. he pulls his hand away quickly when the door squeaks open.
“sorry if i scared you, hyung,” anton whispers, “i thought you might want a glass of water.”
“thanks,” shotaro feels more at ease with anton in the room.
shotaro presses a kiss to anton’s forehead and they wish each other goodnight with a brief hug. shotaro feels cold as he draws the blankets around him. he looks over to the nightstand to turn off the light when he realizes something odd. next to the glass of water, the notebook isn’t covered in the same layer of dust as everything else. he carefully sits up and takes the book in hand.
he flips open the cover to messy handwriting. it’s a journal. shotaro knows he shouldn’t be looking at sohee’s belongings but his curiosity nags at him. there’s something strange going on here.
june 3rd
i miss you so much… i don’t know what im doing here without you.
i’ll take good care of anton, i promise
shotaro is confused. who was sohee writing about?
august 12th
happy anniversary sohee !
i hope you liked the cake i made for you, sorry you couldn’t try any…
i bought flowers for you, i don’t know if you can see them but i know the yellow ones were your favorite
then it dawned on him. this is seunghan’s notebook. but where was sohee? he wasn’t home for several months it seems like. was his mom sick? did he have to move away? why didn’t seunghan go with him? why didn’t he visit?
there was an entry from today’s date.
october 29th
anton’s bringing his boyfriend over today. i wish you could see them together. anton talks highly of him. it’s funny, i always thought anton had a crush on you. i’ll have you know shotaro seems like a nice guy.
shotaro is bewildered at this point. anton had told sohee about him by now surely, in fact, he told shotaro that sohee would want to meet him. shotaro puts the notebook down, feeling like he’s invading seunghan’s privacy. he tries to get some sleep but he can’t, not without knowing ‘what really happened to sohee? ’. shotaro padded across the wood floors carefully. he opened the top drawer of the dresser. it was full of clothes, all neatly folded, even the socks.
he checks the bathroom. there are three toothbrushes. if sohee wasn’t home why would they keep three? he hears a faint noise and gets scared. should he return to the bedroom? did anton wake up or did sohee return?
shotaro decides to walk back to the bedroom but he swears he hears someone crying. where was sohee? shotaro’s heart starts beating harder against his chest. he has to be making things up. anton wouldn’t lie to him. not about someone like sohee. someone that he held so close to him.
shotaro braces himself against the doorframe. should he explore the sound or try to go to sleep? it was probably nothing. he feels something brush against his leg and he lets out a small yelp.
meow .
hell, shotaro forgot anton said seunghan has a cat.
“hi sweetie,” shotaro kneels down and rubs the cat between the ears.
the name tag says “miffy” to match the white fur. shotaro smiles to himself. he’s freaking out for nothing. seunghan, sohee, and anton have a clean apartment, a cat, and they’re perfectly happy.
he’s over-thinking it- he unmistakably hears a sob- or maybe he’s not.
the cat slips past him and runs toward seunghan’s room. shotaro now realizes there’s a lamp on. he doesn’t want to startle him but anton’s probably fast asleep and shotaro needs answers. he carefully follows the cat to the door that’s been left ajar. the dim light spills into the hallway and shotaro avoids standing in it.
he looks into the room. seunghan is alone. his back was facing shotaro, but he could tell he was crying. he turns and notices something is wrong when the cat enters the room.
“anton?” he murmurs, wiping his face.
“sorry,” shotaro steps into the light to reveal himself, “i was looking for the bathroom,” he lies.
he can tell seunghan knows it’s a lie too. he tries to make himself presentable, blinking away his tears and sniffling. he gets up from the floor at the side of the bed where he was sitting.
“did you need something?” he looks at shotaro and things start falling into place for shotaro.
“no, i just had a hard time sleeping,” he decides to be honest.
seunghan pats the bed and they sit beside one another. shotaro can tell he doesn’t want to be alone so he sits, making himself comfortable.
“you have to tell him,” seunghan begs and shotaro isn’t sure what he means at first, “you have to tell him shotaro, please.”
seunghan starts crying again.
“tell who, what?” shotaro questions, worried about seunghan.
“anton, tell him that sohee’s not here and he’s not coming back,” seunghan reaches out to hold something and his fist grabs the front of shotaro’s shirt.
he sobs and shotaro rubs a hand on his back gently, “okay, okay, shhh,” he soothes.
it hits shotaro like a train. he now realizes why seunghan looks so tired. why sohee couldn’t make it to dinner. why he couldn’t taste the anniversary cake or see the flowers. why he’s up crying because shotaro is supposed to be sleeping in sohee’s bed.
shotaro holds seunghan until he falls asleep. shotaro isn’t able to sleep one bit. his mind is still racing. he texts his mom to tell her he loves her. he texts sungchan, his roommate, and tells him they should hang out more.
in the morning shotaro greets anton with a warm smile, he hugs him extra tight. they make waffles together, sohee’s recipe, and anton starts setting the table for four.
shotaro hesitates. should he tell anton that sohee isn’t coming? seunghan stares blankly at the tablecloth, poking at his waffle with a fork.
“anton, i don’t think sohee’s going to make it,” shotaro decides to speak up, “you can put that plate away.”
“hyung-” anton freezes, the plate dropping from his hands and cracking when it hits the floor, “hyung, no, he’s going to come home. he was just here yesterday before you came. he was helping me make the soup. i swear!” his voice gets more desperate as he can tell shotaro doesn’t believe him.
seunghan gets up and opens a cabinet. he closes his fist around an orange bottle and brings two tablets to shotaro.
“hyung please,” anton pleads.
he is shaking and shotaro pulls him toward his chest.
“he’s not coming home,” shotaro repeats, holding his boyfriend tightly.