"That," Bong Hwan says in great disdain, pointing at a picture with a wobbly forefinger, "isn't even what you look like, you fucking moron."
Of course, there's no one to hear him say these words. He was alone in his apartment, after all. Drinking alcohol in front of an open book.
What a fucking pathetic situation he's in.
Days after returning to his body in the present time, Bong Hwan felt nothing but happiness. He was back where he was supposed to be - no more palace intrigues, no more fucking attempts on his life (no more than usual, at the very least). No more dangling feminine bits and morning sickness and fucking long dresses that miraculously hadn't broken his neck while he was busy running around while wearing them. He was back to being a full-blown man - with considerably masculine dangling bits thank you very much, a deep, sexy voice, and huge muscles that could easily put Cheoljong's to shame.
Not long after the initial euphoria, however, his memories of his past came flooding in, and with them were feelings. Longing.
Want.
At first, Bong Hwan tried ignoring them. He's hell-bent on living a straight life now, using nothing but his innate talents and skills. He was sure - so sure - that he won't have time to feel feelings and shit.
And sometimes, he was right.
But there were times when he would wake up in the middle of the night. Call out for Hong Yeon or Lady Choi. Become confused as to why it seemed like no one was coming. How dare they ignore the orders of a Queen?
Worse was when he would roll over and fling an arm to the side, expecting it to fall on a hard chest - only to wake up and realize--
--shit.
He isn't an expert in emotional fucking baggage because mostly he just gave them away, kept none for himself. Obviously. He's too cool for that shit.
But Bong Hwan's pretty fucking sure now that what he's feeling is missing Cheoljong.
In a way that made him feel like his entire chest was raging all the time.
The worst part is that he can't share this fact with anyone. Who would even believe his story? That once upon a fucking time he traveled to the past, woke up in a body of a Queen, fell in love with a King, and overturned history in the process?
No one, that's who.
It was he who'd left the past behind. Like he'd often prayed and hoped for when he was trapped in Kim Soyong's body back then.
So now that he had gotten his wish, why does he feel so, so alone?
Bong Hwan chugged his drink in one gulp and glared at Cheoljong's image. "You're so lucky you're dead, 'coz I would have killed you."
For not being here, he thought, reaching forward to gently trace the King's face with his finger.
For making me miss you.
The easiest way to fix things, of course, was to date.
And date hard.
Clubs were his style back then, so getting back to the saddle to look for potential candidates was the obvious thing he should do to forget and shit. Move on with his life.
Looking for quick hook-ups wasn't a problem; he was Jang Bong Hwan, for god's sake. Often he would take someone home. Often, he would allow them to take off his shirt. Their mouths would taste like whiskey and cigarettes, and just as they reached for his pants to unzip down, down, down--
--that's when Bong Hwan would curse aloud, move his head to the side to avoid their overeager lips, and say, "No. I'm sorry. I can't do this."
Often, he'd get laughed at.
Then slapped hard for actually saying no now.
Often, he'd sit on the couch, cradle his stinging cheek.
Then, he'd glance at the open book on his table.
"The fuck are you looking at?" he'd grumble at Cheoljong's stupid face - his heart heavy and burdened.
"This is all your fault, you moron."
It all started with water, Bong Hwan thinks.
He eyes the deep pool before him - like he had the past few weeks - as he contemplates his next move.
What if...?
But, no.
No.
The rational part of his brain keeps him from jumping into the water... for now.
After all, Kim Soyong has no reason to want to die; she has all that she wants in the palm of her hand. Bong Hwan had left her with a loving husband, loyal servants for life, and a kingdom that was theirs to remake without obstacle. She even had a potential heir in her stomach as a bonus when he'd been unceremoniously ejected from her body.
Kim Soyong now had everything, and then some. She has no reason to want to kill herself and meet Bong Hwan halfway underwater.
She has no reason to let them all go just like that.
And yet...
What if...
He doesn't wait for his rational brain to convince him otherwise.
This time, Bong Hwan jumps.
To hell with this.
Around him, the blue waters feel like an unwanted hug - tight and suffocating.
This is stupid, Bong Hwan thinks.
He opens his eyes and sees--
--a woman swimming slowly towards him.
Time slows down as he watches her move forward.
His heart skips two beats.
Could it be--
She cradles his face--
--and kisses him again.
Except this time, when he comes to, he finds himself in some strange room. It isn't a place he's familiar with, at any rate - and a part of him realizes in horror, shit, that's it, I'm dead.
Fuck!
He just wants a chance to see Cheoljong again - but not actually die in the process!
Bong Hwan rubs his face in frustration, turns - and comes face to face with Kim Soyong.
He can't help it--
--he yells.
"I apologize for startling you," she says, and to her credit, she does look apologetic.
Bong Hwan stops yelling.
And it's odd, looking at a face that was also his, not long ago. Remembering how it felt like when he was the one wearing... it.
"H-How--" he asks.
Kim Soyong places a hand on his arm and says in a low tone, "I am glad for this opportunity to talk to you.
You have to help His Majesty, the King."
"I will not," Bong Hwan snarls, roughly pulling her hand off of his, "fix your shitty life for you again, Kim Soyong."
Primly, she folds her hands on her lap and waits.
"Who the fuck do you think you are?" he explodes. "Are you Buddha? Are you Jesus? Are you crazy? Why do you think you have the right to do this shit to me? Since when did it become my fucking job to make things easy for you? What - you'll just lay dormant within your body like last time, and have me clean up your mess? Only to get rid of me once you feel like it's time for you to regain your life? Once Cheoljong--" Bong Hwan chokes on the name, "--is fucking in love with you again--"
Slowly, Kim Soyong shakes her head. "But it isn't me he's in love with," she says sorrowfully.
He shuts his mouth immediately.
"The way His Majesty looks at me--" She places her hands over her heart, draws a deep, shaking breath, "--it often feels as though he's looking for something within me. Something... something I no longer have."
Me, Bong Hwan thinks.
Cheoljong is looking for me.
And he feels his heart flutter.
"He was happiest before when I was with you," she continues, her face full of pain. "When you were within me. That same happiness... I cannot give him alone."
Surprisingly, she laughs and says, "I was never capable of making him happy in the first place, anyway."
He doesn't say anything, even as Kim Soyong cradles her face in her hands afterward and openly weeps.
It feels like he's aged a year as he waits for her to stop crying.
The thought of that stupid Cheoljong unhappy, even if he was with his beloved Kim Soyong--
--it was enough to make him consider helping him.
Again.
Damn the consequences.
Damn his life in the future, when he, like Cheoljong, was unhappy there, too.
So he exhales loudly and asks, "What do you want me to do?"
Kim Soyong looks up and slowly stretches her hand towards him.
"Come back to Joseon," she says softly.
This time, it's Bong Hwan who pulls Kim Soyong toward him--
--and kisses her mouth.
Damn the consequences.
When Bong Hwan wakes up--
-A part of him felt like he'd finally come home.
He finds the covers half-heartedly covering his body, and he drags himself to a half-upright position - only to find an impediment along the way.
A swollen belly, to be more specific.
"Well, fuck," he swears, putting a hand on his stomach.
"She didn't even have the fucking courtesy to have this baby first before calling me again?"
But, whatever. Bong Hwan had somewhat expected to give birth before, when he'd all but embraced being Joseon's Queen. So this, this, wasn't new.
"I wonder," he says, moving his hand around and marveling just how big his belly has gotten. "Will it be possible for Kim Soyong to be the one present just when you're coming out, you little monster?"
Oh, well. He'd deal with that problem once it came.
First things first.
"Hong Yeon! Lady Choi!"
Soon, the sounds of feet moving quickly, doors being opened, and two court ladies bowing before him and saying, "Yes, Your Majesty," fill his ears - and his heart - with happiness.
He really is home now.
"Where's Cheoljong?" he asks them, slowly moving to his feet - with their help.
Bong Hwan ought not to have been surprised to actually find Cheoljong writing laws and shit in his own quarters.
Nonetheless, he feels his heart swell as he takes the sight of the King's stupid face.
Historians never really gave the man justice, he thinks, sighing loudly - and vowing to rectify it, now that he's Mr. Queen again.
Cheoljong pauses his writing and looks up with a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. "My Queen," he says, and, even to Bong Hwan's ears, the words felt a little... lacking.
It often feels as though he's looking for something within me. Something... something I no longer have.
Well. Guess it's time to show Cheoljong just what, exactly, he's been missing.
"Okay," he says, crossing his arms, "I did not come back from the future just to be greeted half-heartedly like that. Do better, Cheoljong."
It's me, Bong Hwan wants to yell at him. I'm back.
I'm home.
And something on the King's expression shifts.
"From the--" Cheoljong says, watching Bong Hwan's every move like a hawk. "--From the future?"
"Bet you never heard me talk about being from the future for quite some time, huh?"
And Bong Hwan all but scurries forward to sit in front of the man he loved.
"Buckle up," he says with a grin. "I'm about to tell you one hell of a story."