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It hurt.
For the first time in forever, he was hurt. He felt awful, sick even. He felt anxious, he felt angry.
It was like every negative emotion that had been bottled up for years burst out all at once. He couldn’t take it, he was going insane.
She needed space, he gave her it.
She needed to talk, and he listened closely.
She wanted to break up . . .
And he let her go.
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He was fine at first, he always was. He was fine with what Hu Tao wanted. Anything for her. It was out of curiosity, then loyalty, then just flat out love.
Only this time, he never could have expected how their break up affected him.
It didn't take him long to realize he was instinctively following the routine they always had. Visiting their favorite spots, accidentally ordering food for two, and the countless amount of times he had to stop himself from walking to the Funeral Parlor.
It was all perfectly ingrained in his mind, his conscious,
His heart.
Unfortunately, that was only the start.
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He felt empty.
Unusually Empty.
More empty than ever.
For once, there wasn't even the slightest bit of emotion. Seeing friends? Nothing.
The only time he felt something . . . Was when he thought about her.
But instead of the warm fuzzy feeling he always got before . . .
It hurt.
It felt like his heart was ripping itself apart. He felt like he wanted to punch himself in the gut, to take his Scythe and just-
It hurt.
Why did he let her go?
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He left a while ago.
He didn't want to see anyone anymore.
He didn't talk to anyone anymore.
He didn't even want to go back to his home dimension anymore.
He kept completely, and utterly alone.
Lying alone.
Sleeping alone.
Eating alone.
Silently, and lonely.
And yet he couldn't get her out of his mind.
Every day, the constant reminders of moments spent with her, all the way up to that fateful day. The awful, painful day.
. . .
He can't remember if he's cried more in his life.
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She sat alone.
She sat on the same log they had spent so much time on so many times, cradling a Spider Lily in her hands.
She was the one who wanted the break up . . . She had her reason, and he understood.
. . .
So why did she regret it so much?
Why did she get sad whenever she thought about him?
Why did she long for him at night, and cry herself to sleep?
What made it worse is she hadn't seen him in months. It seemed like no one had.
Zhongli had no clue, Yanfei and the others didn't either. No one around town so much as saw him. Even the Adeptus, Xiao could find him. He had completely disappeared, like he'd been erased entirely from existence.
She hoped at the very very least they could still get along, that they could be friends. That regardless of the break up . . .
Nothing would really change.
But now, he was gone. And while she still had everyone else . . . without him, a part of her felt empty.
He had become engraved in her life, her mind, her heart. Every day before that stupid realization that led her to such a stupid decision she woke up every morning, ready to see him again.
Now whenever she woke up . . . It just felt . . .
Wrong.
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He wanted to go back.
He wanted to see her again.
He wanted to tell her he couldn't do it. That he couldn't be without her. That he loved her, and it hurt to be without her.
He wanted to hold her again, while they sat at their favorite spot. He wanted to feel her head on his shoulder, and kiss her forehead tenderly.
And maybe he would've.
But unfortunately he was too respectful of her wishes.
And it hurt.
He looked at his Scythe.
It hurt.
He felt his hands shaking.
It hurts.
He felt his eyes darkening.
It hurts.
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If only she could find him, talk with him.
If she could take it all back, she would. If she could go back and make it never have happened, she would.
Because losing him hurt.
Suddenly, she felt cold. A harsh shiver across her whole body.
She froze. Her entire body unmoving, and her heart stopped.
Then all at once . . . she was unable to stop crying . . .
Her Spider Lily wilted in her palm.