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Amanda groans as the light filtering through the curtains hits her eyes, dragging away the last vestiges of sleep with it. The weight she’s expecting to feel in Sonny’s arm draped across her waist isn't there and she stretches her left arm out to feel empty space. But the bed’s still warm, so he hasn’t been gone long.
She slowly blinks her eyes awake and turns her head to her bedside table, reaching to turn the clock towards her. It’s just after nine and even on a weekend with no current case, she’s surprised to just be waking up - the kids usually having made their presence known long before now.
She even glances down at the foot of the bed that is completely Frannie-less.
Amanda kicks off the blankets and gets out of bed - a much easier task without her husband's clingy corpse routine or a dog in the way.
She stops in the bathroom before heading downstairs, a feat that she’s still somewhat getting used to again, even if they’ve lived in this house for the past five months now. Amanda’s halfway down the stairs when she hears the Disney music and the voices streaming in from the kitchen and she marks her path.
She pads as quietly as she can towards the kitchen, opting to stand in the doorway just watching the scene in front of her. Jesse’s mixing what can only be pancake mix, Billie perches on the counter, kicking her feet and dancing along to the music and Sonny stands nearby, Nicky securely strapped to his chest.
The wave of love and domesticity that hits her doesn’t shock her as much as it used to in the earlier stages of their relationship; but sometimes she still can’t believe that this is her life. The husband, the kids, the dog, the fucking house not that far from her in-laws - an American dream that fifteen year old Mandy Rollins never envisioned for herself.
But one day, an over eager Staten Island detective with a god awful mustache barreled his way into the 16th and her life.
Amanda stands there, just watching as her family prepares breakfast with the biggest grin on her face. Eventually she reaches for her phone and captures the moment - either because her camera ready husband is rubbing off on her or because she now knows just how easily it can be taken away - thanks to a bullet that shook their foundation just last year.
She’s made it a priority these days to take the photos; but to also live in the moment.
It doesn’t take long after that for their middlest to turn her head, figuring out that Amanda’s standing in the doorway and a grin breaks out on Billie’s face, quickly followed with a “Momma’s awake!”
Suddenly she’s squirming to get off the counter and Sonny’s there in an instant helping her get to the floor, before she’s barreling into Amanda. She lets Billie pull her further into the kitchen and she leaves her phone on the counter as she passes - more than okay to just live in this moment.
Especially when Sonny turns around, reaching for the mug under their Keurig, dropping two sugars into it before he hands it to her. The fact that it’s still warm has her wondering when he pressed the button and how she missed it.
But she realizes it’s not that relevant as she takes the mug from him, their hands linger for longer than they need to, and she’s lifting up on her toes, her free hand on their sons back and pressing a kiss to his lips.
“Mornin’,” he says, grinning as he pulls back.
“You didn’t have to let me sleep in,” she tells him, after taking a long sip of coffee.
“Figured you needed it,” to which she just arches an eyebrow, because she’s not the one that just finished up a rough case, with countless sleepless nights, not just because of a three month old, preparing for court.
“Daddy promised us special pancakes,” Jesse says, placing the mixing bowl on the counter space.
Sonny gestures towards Jesse. “That I did.”
And that’s when Amanda finally sees the bats, ghosts and pumpkins cookie cutters literally the counter top. Because of course Sonny puts that much thought into anything he does for the girls, turning a regular breakfast into a special Halloween treat.
His hand is cupping her cheek then, brushing away a stray tear she doesn’t realize escaped.
“You okay?”
And the concern in his eyes would have her crying more; but she glances towards their daughters, who are starting to get just a little impatient and smiles. “I’m fine,” she promises as she turns back towards Sonny. She’s more than okay at the ways this man continues to show his love for them.
“But you won’t be if you make them wait any longer for their pancakes, Counselor.”
He presses another kiss to her forehead. “I’m well versed in dealing with a hungry Carisi girl.”
They have a quiet morning that leads into Halloween movies all curled up on the couch, with blankets and the girl’s stuffed animals; and a fussy baby who quiets down after a bottle and a diaper change.
Amanda’s eyes flick to her phone where it still sits on the counter; before reminding herself that it’s Saturday - she doesn’t have any classes and any grading can wait; and Liv’s promises of not bothering her echoing in her head.
Amanda’s sitting in Liv’s office long after McGrath has left, staring out at the squad room, and her old desk that’s kind of her new desk again whenever they bring her out to consultant, even if she technically doesn’t need a desk anymore. No matter how many times Amanda’s told Liv that, she hasn’t budged.
Her being back in the squad room is different; but it’s good - for her, for her family - and she’s thankful she’s finally gotten over that anxiety hurdles in order to have both parts of her satisfied; the need to always be moving, having a mystery to solve and the need to be there and be alive for her kids.
“You heading home soon?” Liv comments, pulling Amanda’s gaze.
“As soon as my husband gets here,” Amanda tells her, glancing down at her watch; because her classes are finished for the day and there’s nothing more to do than go home to their kids.
“I promise I won’t pull you in this weekend if we get hit with a case.”
Amanda arches her eyebrow, opens her mouth to retort but Liv holds up your hand. “You’re going to enjoy the holiday weekend with your family, Amanda. I’m not pulling you away from that.”
Amanda smiles, thinking about whatever plans Sonny has for Halloween for the girls. “Though I think you may have just jinxed yourself.”
“Yeah, well that’s my pain to deal with,” Liv levels her with a pointed look. “Now get out of here.”
“You’re technically not my boss anymore,” Amanda just scoffs, shaking her head, but she still stands up.
“No but we do have kids at home waiting for dinner.”
Amanda turns her head towards Liv’s office doorway, where Sonny is casually leaning against the frame. So they say their goodbyes to Liv and Amanda lets Sonny lead her towards the elevator, where she rests her head on his shoulder while they wait.
She brings herself back to the present as Sonny’s arm comes around her on the couch. They still have time before they’re meeting Bella, Tommy and the kids at the Church’s Trunk or Treat, so she settles into his side, eyes glancing over where their son rests in his bassinet and the girls are glued to where Twitches plays on the tv.
Then it turns into a race to get out the door on time, fights over jackets hiding costumes, so Amanda relents only slightly, since it’s not that cold yet, just to get the girls outside and into the car.
She does, however, still bring the jackets with them and tosses them into the backseat.
There’s excited screams as the girl’s gazes fall on Grace and Tommy Jr as they tumble out of the car, running at their cousins; leaving Sonny to grab the baby and Amanda to grab the jackets before they fall into step beside Bella and Tommy, following along behind their kids.
It’s much later when the girls are dragging bags almost as big as they are, loaded down with candy that Amanda wonders if Sonny planned it. Jesse and Billie seem tired; but there’s matching grins, albeit sleepy ones on their faces as they happily chatter about all of the decorations and games.
“We’re one down already,” Sonny comments as they make the walk back to the car.
Amanda glances over at the stroller and notices that their son is, in fact, fast asleep.
“We’re going to be two down before we’re back at the house,” she responds, knowing that Billie’s going to pass out as soon as she’s in her seat.
She’s proven right as soon as Sonny pulls into the driveway and Jesse easily hopes out of the car; but Sonny’s left to coax a napping Billie back awake and she reaches for their still dozing son.
“Just think,” Sonny says as they head towards the front door. “We get to do this all over again on Tuesday.”
Amanda smiles, thinking about Jesse and Billie in their costumes, trekking up and down Staten Island, getting more of the childhood she never got.
“Yeah, we do.”
Amanda’s packing away the rest of her tags into her bag, prompting to leave work earlier than she normally would on a Tuesday evening. Her night class has already been canceled - it’s Halloween and she’s excited to be anywhere but at work and she’s a little closer to her night students than the rest - spends just a little more time with them during the week.
She gave them a choice the last time they met - for a week off if they actually looked at the lecture notes she posted online. They’d taken the canceled class and she wasn’t currently consulting on a case - so she was free to keep her promise to her girls about taking them trick or treating.
To add to the growing pile of candy already at home from this weekend’s adventures; from the trunk or treat and the baskets of treats and goodies Serafina and Dom had made for them at Sunday dinner.
Technically their first family Halloween - Amanda having to work last year, and them not even being disclosed the year before - and well, she’s definitely not missing it.
There’s a knock at her door, a very distinct Staten Island lilt following that has her turning her head. “You got a minute, Professor.”
She almost snorts, however she does level him with a look; but plays along if only for a moment. “Depends…My husband is supposed to be picking me up.”
They’re just shy of eleven months married and she feels just the same as she did when he first slid the ring on her finger in that courtroom; the same way she felt just a few weeks ago when he did it again in his parent’s backyard.
“Is that so?” Sonny says, slowly stepping into her office, closing the distance between them.
She glances at her watch. “I’ll say he’s a little late though.”
“Considering the professor is still packing up her things,” his hands find her hips, pulling her into him. “Seems to me he’s right on time.”
“Don’t think that argument is gonna hold up in court, Counselor,” she wraps her arms around his neck and leans up on her toes to press a kiss to his lips, maybe a little more reverently than they should be in the middle of her office but it’s late enough - and her office hours have been canceled and her office mate is long gone for the day - that not many people should still be milling around.
He turns his head towards her ear when they break apart. “I don’t have a teacher thing; but you definitely have a counselor thing.”
She chokes on a breath as he pulls back and she’s swatting his chest with her hand. “I do not,” but they know they’re both liars - the spark in both their eyes seeing the other in their respective jobs is enough to give them up.
“Well, now is not the time for that argument,” she tells him instead. “I’m sure we have two very impatient girls who want their candy waiting on us.”
He pulls away just slightly, leaving a hand on the small of her back while he grabs her bag with the other one. “And the cutest pumpkin.”
Amanda rolls her eyes as she picks up the basket that’s on her desk. “I still can’t believe I let you talk me into that.”
“It’s like a staple for a baby’s first Halloween,” he defends as he leads her out of the office and waits while she locks up. But if she’s being honest, she’s not that mad about it - the hundred of pictures she knows Sonny is going to take of the kids tonight; knowing full well one of them is going to end up adorned on her desk next to the other ones.
Because she has that privacy now - sure she shares an office - but the typical visitor to a college campus is not the same one as a police precinct.
Sonny’s eyes finally fall on the basket in her hands, full of Halloween candy, popcorn and two stuffed animals. “What’s all this?”
“A gift,” Amanda says, looking almost shyly. “From one of my night students.”
But there’s nothing but proud beaming in Sonny’s eyes, a grin on his face as he stares at her. “You really are reaching them,” his eyes glance over the basket. “If they care enough to leave you and your kids a gift.”
Maybe it’s not exactly what she ever saw herself doing; but she’d never lied when she said she loved the students, the ability to sharpen minds, connect to some of them on a more personal level, seeing the future Olivia Bensons and Sonny Carisis she can see in the classroom.
Especially one student in particular, the one who brought the basket, who knew what else she did for a living, a disclosure and a case brought to SVU; that ended up with a lighter look in the girls’ eyes after a sentencing was announced, followed by a hug and a breathy ‘thank you’ whispered into Amanda’s neck.
It’s part of the reason why she stays at Fordham, even with going back to SVU.
Amanda smiles when her gaze falls on the pumpkins on the porch porch that Dom and Sonny helped the girls carve over the weekend.
“I still think you went just a little overboard on the decorations,” Amanda lightly teases as they pass the paw patrol inflatables Sonny couldn’t say no to when the girls asked, and everything else that was scattered throughout the yard. Though she wouldn’t trade the smiles on Jesse’s and Billie’s faces when they brought the decorations home for anything.
“Maybe I did,” Sonny says, unabashedly as he unlocks the front door. “But it’s the first year they can have outdoor decorations and maybe –”
“Your girls have you wrapped around their fingers?” Amanda quips as she comes to a stop next to him.
His hand grazes her waist and suddenly he’s pulling her in for a kiss. “All three of them do.”
The first thing that hits Amanda when they walk through the front door is the smell of a home cooked meal wafting from the kitchen; and she just knows that Jesse had been in there helping nonna with dinner just how she always helps dad.
It shouldn’t still shock her, being this far into their relationship, having in-laws who actually like her, who so easily offer to watch the kids, don’t bat an eye if one of them has to work late; but it does. Though that comes from almost four decades of consistently being let down by her own parents; but it’s something she’s working on.
Though there’s nothing but a smile on her face as she walks into the living room and her gaze falls on Jesse and Billie surrounding Dom - even though the girls barely acknowledge them until she places the basket on the coffee table.
“Is that for us?” Jesse asks, eyes shining as her eyes fall on one of the black bats and Billie’s gaze finally falls on the candy and snacks in it, giving out an excited yell.
“From one of my students,” Amanda says as a way of explanation; but she holds out her hands, blocking the girls from rushing at it. “But it’s for after dinner.”
Though Amanda may relent just a little bit and allow the girls one piece of candy; because really, what’s the harm. Despite everything she was told growing up, she knows it’s not going to ruin their appetite and well, there’s some battles she doesn’t want to fight.
It’s not until later, once they’re back home and the kids are fast sleep, tucked into bed, Jesse and Billie’s new stuffed animals clutched tightly in their hands, easily tuckered out from all the walking they’ve done across Staten Island today - the candy bags added to the pile on the coffee table for them to either kindly trade or fight over later, it’s really up in the air which way it goes - that she’s able to fully relax from the day.
She’s on the couch, leaning back against Sonny, one arm casually slung around her, mindlessly trailing lines on her arm, no ulterior motives in mind, just a need to keep touching her. A movie on tv that neither of them are really paying attention to.
“What are you thinkin’ about?” he asks, reaching over and brushing a strand of hair away from her face.
Amanda lets out a breath and lets her head fall back against his shoulder, thinking back on all of her past holidays while being on the force; the cases she’s worked and the weirdos she’s seen while back on patrol.
“How for once, I’ve had a normal Halloween,” she pauses for a moment and turns to face him. “Getting to have the best of both worlds - the mysteries to solve; but also the family time.”
“I gotta say, it’s been nice having you back at the 1-6,” he says after a while.
She softly nudges his head with her own. “You mean, you don’t already have enough of me at home,” she teases; but she knows exactly what he means, and has felt the emptiness of the squad room without him when he left for the DA’s office.
“Don’t think it’s possible to ever get enough of you.”
She rolls her eyes at that, but reaches over and presses a kiss into his lips regardless. “My husband, the hopeless romantic.”
“And you love it,” he shoots back almost immediately, his mouth quirking into a grin.
“Yeah,” she responds, softly. “I do.”