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Han Seo Jun closed the door behind him as he struggled to breathe. He had finally done it, his last act of selflessness, he was going to be happy for Jugyeongie. The 3 dates didn't matter to him, if it meant he could see her smile again, and not a fake one like she had been sporting since the last 2 years . Those full blown smiles of hers ,which had mostly exiled after Suho left. He hated admitting it.
He had tried so hard to bring that smile back, hoping that she might feel the same way for him one day . He didn't care if it wasn't 100% of what she felt for Suho, he could work with 10% too. He just needed time with her.
Except it was the opposite. He remembered how her facial expression had changed with that one text from Suho on their icecream date. He knew her all too well. He had genuinely thought the ice skating had done it, they had been laughing and actually behaved like a couple on a real date.And then he texted , and he knew it was all over. It didn't matter what ice cream flavour they got. He wasn't who she wanted.
He could feel his heart shattering one clink at a time as he ran up the stairs to get space. To get away from the world. Why did it feel like the walls were closing on him ? Like his heart would never beat again for anyone else again ? It got better right? He sat down on the steps , physically not being able to move . He felt wet hot tears on his cheek , and he let go .
It had to get better . That's what everyone said anyway. Except he didn't feel like he could love anyone right now. He just wanted to drown and let the walls swallow him whole.
He could feel his chest tighten, had he stopped breathing ? He hugged himself closer, trying to console himself that this was the best for him anyway, he knew now. She was Suho's, always had been . He was beyond foolish to think otherwise. He could finally move on. Maybe offstage too.
The scene was going to change any second now , he just had to hold on a few more seconds in, he repeated to himself. Everything would be better next stage, better than where he was now. Aish, did the writers really had to do him dirty like that? Was he that difficult to love ? Did the writer really hate him so much ?
But, the most annoying part ? He knew what was happening around , he was fuckin aware that he was nothing more than a comic character made to pine for the main lead. Never to be loved back . The worst ? He really loved Jugyeongie , outside the stage, onstage , everywhere. He was pathetic .
Gesekgi, he cursed closing his eyes .
He was just counting the minutes to the next stage or his death ? When he heard the door opening down below him. He didn't want to peer down ,probably a nameless extra. Couldn't the writer just let him wallow in his heartbreak alone ?
He hears loud steps then , frantic quick running.
" Seojun-ah?"he heard a voice calling him .
He knew that voice anywhere, he would follow it anywhere . Even if it took him to hell, he would protect her. No questions asked. He could kill for that voice.
The footsteps got closer , when he finally looked up , eyes wide , tears still running.
There stood his Jugyeongie infront of him unsure, her eyes sad, but determined ? She had her hands in little fists on her sides. Why was she back ? He knew she had to end up with Suho , she wasn't supposed to be back. With him .
Before he could utter even a word, Jungyeong took steps towards him, the echoes following her as she stopped short in front him. And then she bent down, engulfing him in a hug. He was too shocked to say anything, he could immediately smell her distinct fragrant, it smelled liked Jungyeong. He couldn't see her face , but he could feel how tight she clung to him. He tried to turn his face to look at her and felt her face buried in the nape of his neck . And then he heard it , a loud sob followed by hiccups . Was she crying ?
That was it . Han seojun couldn't ever tolerate her crying. The world stopped then for him.
" Jugyeongie? What happened ? Why aren't you going to the airport? "
He didn't hear an answer back , but he definitely felt her turning her head towards his face. He turned to look at her, her cheeks red and eyes a little too wet for his liking. He never wanted her to cry because of him. God knows, how many countless times he had absolutely hated Suho for making her cry every damn time, with his ridiculous decisions, leaving him to pick up her pieces every time . He couldn't forgive himself if he did the same . She didn't deserve that.
He held his breath , as he felt her hand tracing his earrings, and then slowly inching towards his cheek. She held his face , caressing his cheek . He allowed himself to close his eyes , one selfish moment . He could do that right ? Just once.
He could smell her familiar scent , she somehow smelled like her favourite drink, strawberries. He brought out one of his hand to stroke the back of her head leaning on his shoulder , as she shivered under him.
" Jungyeongie what is it ? Should I call Suho?"
He asked, he had to reign it in before he did something else .
Like , beg her to stay with him.
No. Suho, he's your mate. Reign it fuckin in.
" I don't want Suho ! " Came a sudden outburst, as she lifted herself from his shoulder to look at him fully. She looked very determined and angry right now.
Han seujon being surprised was an understatement, Jungyeongie looked red with an adorable angry pout staring at him. He smiled , inspite of himself .
"What do you want ?"he whispered, his face inches away from her. Involuntary, his gaze shifted to her mouth. Her lips beckoning him like a pair of delicate rose petals, a stark contrast to the shadows that danced around them. They held a subtle allure, bathed in a soft, crimson hue, drawing him in . Too close, he reminded himself , shifting to look back at her.
" You , Han seojun, you " she declared.
And then before he could stop it , she did something which was so uncharacteristic of the the Jungyeongie he knew. Something had definitely changed.
Jungyeongie pulled his face, tilting her head to kiss his mouth. At first he didn't respond, so bloody confused . His poor heart had enough, it was heart break one second and an intense sexual tension the next ?
But, as she kissed him again softly, unsure , he decided to be selfish and took that chance. He listened to his heart. If the author gave him scraps ,he would gladly take it and turn it into a masterpiece. He kissed her back fiercely, putting all the longing he had felt for her every moment he had refused himself . He felt her moan then, his dead heart flickered with life , almost trying to burst right there
In the dimly lit area, the air filled with a longing that had simmered for far too long. A soft, subtle tension hung in the air, pulling them closer together. His fingertips gently traced the contours of her face, as if committing every curve to memory. If this was his last scene with her , he would make it worth it for her. Make sure she remembers his touch even in the darkness of the night. She tilts his head,pulling at his hair a little, a delicate collision of desire and tenderness. The world outside ceases to exist as they melt into each other, their breathing becoming one. Time slowed, and everything seemed to disappear in the intensity of their embrace, a moment of pure, unbridled passion.
He pulls her closer, he didn't want any space between them now . This was it . He felt her breath hitch harshly and a muffled moan following as he caresses her tongue with his. He nipps at her lips, biting her full lower lip, but soothing it back with his tongue. He kisses her like she's the end of his world, and nothing really mattered other than them dissolving into chaos . This upside down , where Han Seojun and Lim Jungyeong are together and making out in a deserted staircase corridor. Clearly , someone had switched off the comic universe , but Han Seujon didn't mind it so much right now.
Jungyeong pulled back then, pupils dilated, cheeks rosy red , breathing rough. She looked so damn sexy, he thought . A little wild, with her hair all over the place , yet still looking like a wild vixen goddess . His goddess. He could worship her all day , everyday .
She shifts her position, anchoring both of her hands on his shoulders to mount herself on top of his lap. As she settles on his lap, their bottom halves meeting in a delicious friction and Han seujon groans, closing his eyes again. As quickly as she had pulled back , she brought his face closer to kiss again . Like they had never stopped . Her mouth quickly descending on his again, her hands sliding back to tug his hair.
They were properly making out, he thought. Something he hadn't ever allowed himself to consider a possibility. A kiss , maybe? if he got lucky. Making out ? Never, Nada.
Moans, hushed touches and tongues battling Han Seojun felt like he was truly breathing for the first time in the entire series. Kissing , touching , feeling Jungyeong was something he knew he could never do in this universe . Yet , he was . And god , was this unbelievable. Unbelievably good.
He presses his fingers at her hips, he knows it's not much , with the thick coats they are wearing ,but he feels Jungyeong gasp through their kiss like he had burned her. He really had to stop he thought , this could really get out of control. Something was amiss. He pulls back lightly, pressing a kiss at the underside of her jaw. Tracing the juncture between her neck and collarbone.
He knew Han seojun wasn't the main character , he knew that . Jungyeong wasn't supposed to kiss him at wild abandon in a dingy coner under the staircase or even end up with him at all. The writer wouldn't ever do that . And as his mind ran like a roller coaster, about all the possibilities where he definitely wasn't the winner . All he could think was about cruel endings for his character, where Suho always won. He stopped , to make sense of whatever was happening. He could literally feel his alter ego hate him for stopping this, but damn, he wouldn't be Han seojun if he didn't worry about Jungyeongie first . Something was wrong. And he had to figure it out first .
He pulled back, breathing irregular. Jungyeongie whimpered as he stopped , following his mouth and god his self control almost broke then. He would do anything for her , and if she wanted to kiss him more , who was he to stop ? He would give her any kind of pleasure he wanted.
" I knew it , choosing you couldn't ever be the wrong choice ever. You .. complete me. Always have, I just realised too late."
Han Seujun spluttered in shock , " You chose me ?" He repeated.
" I did. I was so unsure first,not about you, but about everything. Why I was feeling what I was feeling , why I just couldn't tell you I like you , but I knew I had to. I could see it ,you were always it . But somehow I couldn't control it" she finished confused, tightening her hold on him, like he would disappear any minute.
" What do you mean , Jungyeongie?"
"It's just ... Sometimes I felt trapped ? I wanted to take so many decisions but I couldn't , like I wanted to talk to you more ? I was over Suho a long time ago but someone always stopped me from acting on my feelings for you. I really wanted to kiss you so many times when I was drunk , but I could never do what I wanted to! It had to always end up with me crying for Suho, but honestly I don't feel anything for him right now . But I can't control it ! That's the worst part. I genuinely felt happy when you told me you wanted to date me , but somehow I wasn't allowed to express it " she adds slowly and Seojun almost freezes for a minute ,he knows what she's referring to.
"Everything seems out of my control ! That's the annoying part ! I do something which I don't want to do at all. It's all weird. " she says , her nose getting scrunched up slightly in annoyance. " Maybe I am crazy, Seujun-ah" she laughs .
" But anyway, this time I was so fed up I followed what I want. " she looks back at him, a slight blush covering her cheeks in the shadows of the darkness. He could see a tiny smile forming , and he couldn't stop , he smiled back at her .
He knew she was awake.
" So you wanted me ? " he asks giving her his classic smirk , bringing their hands together .
She rolls her eyes, smacking him playfully " Yah , we made out Han Seojun , are you that dense? Wait , maybe you are ." She giggles.
" Look who's talking , Miss ' I studied for the test but got less grades than someone who literally marked the same answer for every answer" he teases back.
She laughs at that , a full blown real Jungyeongie laugh and his chest feels tight . But not because he was sad for once, but because he hadn't ever felt so content. It was all gums and teeth, and pink cheeks , because of him . She was laughing because of him . And he's mesmerized , he knows he doesn't have much time . The scene had to change , so he pulls her back by the chin with his fingers. Angling her face just right that he can hear her breath hitch again as he kisses her again , swallowing her laughter.
He almost fears that maybe all this was a crazy dream his brain had dreamt up to battle reality . Except Jungyeongie felt so real in his arms , her chest heaving , her arms around his neck , her hands caressing the hair at his nape as they made out again , and the feel of her legs hooking up on his waist.
This truly was heaven .
He pulled back, even though he didn't want to. He knew he had to tell her . Jungyeong still looked dazed , her eyes half closed leaning again to take his lips .
" Jungyeong ?
" Han seojun "
" I am gonna tell you something, and don't be surprised."
She looks attentive now , as she looks at him all eyes .
" It's gonna sound stupid, but remember how you thought you felt trapped and powerless , not able to do what you want ?"
" Yeah ?"
" It's because, we are comic book characters . And . You're meant to be with Suho , and the stage is gonna change any second now -"
She looks frantic then " But ? What ? "
He cuts her off ,softly putting his forehead against her to calm her down . He could understand her reaction , he had felt the same . Except, it been worse , he was a lovesick fool on stage and outside of it . He loved Jungyeong for real. He had really tried to like Kang sujen , who was aware too. But it just wasn't the same . It almost felt like cheating ,which was stupid , because he knew Jungyeong just had made up feelings for him fabricated by the author. Atleast , if him and Kang sujen liked each other , it could have been real. But nah , Han Seojun loved liking something that was impossible to get .
He never ever thought Jungyeongie would ever return his feelings on or off stage. Ever.
He really did wish sometimes he could go back to being unaware . And be stupid . Just be the dramatic jealous pining second lead, and not have those very real human feelings for everything.
All he felt was pity for both their characters, and a sort of kinship that atleast he had someone to talk off stage .
" So , you're gonna be back with Suho any second now -"
" NO! " Jungyeong shrieks standing up suddenly, and god she looked mad . She tried to tidy her hair , but he could sense it was getting to her . He got up trying to hold her hand to calm her down.
" It's not fair ! I don't like Suho anymore, why do people treat me like a glass doll just waiting to crack without Suho. I don't feel like that anymore. Why does everyone think I am hung up on him ,I am not ! Why does he make me like this ? Am I that powerless ? Am I not allowed to move on ? Like I get I liked Suho , he was someone I really liked at one point, maybe loved ..I think ? But honestly 2 years been too long and it's annoying how all I want to do is kiss you and go on dates with you , but I can't ! I am not going to lie , at one point, I really doubted if my feelings for Suho were even real or controlled by him , because I know , I wanted to sit back and listen to your song on our school trip , not cry over Suho ! And oh ! I loved your flowers , but I hated how I couldn't place them in a proper vase ! Or I-"
Han seujon felt his eyes filling up again, they were happy tears now. It hadn't ever been one sided. She had felt it too. He closed the distance again, cupping her face . Making sure she has his attention.
"Lim Jungyeong , I don't care what the writers make you do on stage . As long as you come back to me off stage, I am yours and you are mine ." He whispers.
Jungyeong nods , smiling.
....
Jungyeong couldn't really hate Suho. She pitied him , he didn't deserve this either.
She understood that they were just made up characters , imagined by some faceless writer, who had decided that she and Suho were meant to be. He wasn't far off in reality,he hadn't done a poor job either. Except , Seujun was that 1% no one could have predicted, they were just better. They just had that chemistry, no one has expected. He got her, and she got him. It was as easy breathing. It was that simple.
Sure, Suho had been nice , but she knew her heart leaped for Seujun . No one could have foreseen that , not the writer anyway .Suho was her first , but Seojun would be her forever , she knew.
Suho could die for her , and Seujun could kill for her. It was that simple , and they were both right . But right now, Jungyeong knew Seujun was the only one for her.
The stage ended , and Jungyeong stepped back from Suho who looked confused between the space between them, as he reached out for her.She hated hurting him , he didn't deserve this at all. She really wished the writer hadn't brought him back , they both could have had happier endings true to themselves.
" Suho ,I know you won't understand or remember. But I think I love Seujun. I had to tell you the truth , once anyway . You deserve that , even if you won't remember it " she admitted.
" What do you mean ? You came back to me Lim Jungyeong "he said , scrunching his eyebrows in annoyance.
" I know. And it's okay , you'll forget. It's not your fault, till our next scene Suho. But I have to go now."
With that , without a second glance she walked back towards Han Seujon, her soulmate. They had their dates to go to . Oh, she had so many ideas ! And first , she would totally hook him up to scary movies and comics, she smiled. Maybe more spicy food dates ?
After ages maybe, Lim Jungyeongie smiled.