Chapter Text
A silver haired woman in a black dress stands in a realm of darkness. A single light permeating through it comes from a small device sitting in her hand.
As she looks down at it's screen, she speaks.
"Ooo- the pics!"
She scrolls through a collection of pictures saved on the phone. As she does, Satella sees a saucy pic of Subaru's butt.
"Ah, that's a good one."
She continued scrolling before a notification appears on her screen. Her face shifts in thought.
@Cake: Subaru's ass spotted in area 51."
"Subaru's ass? Area 51? Hmmmm…"
She smiles as she types on the phone.
"I gotta get that ass."
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Satella stands in the darkness wearing a set of sunglasses.
"My mind tells me no…"
"But my body… my body tells me…"
She pulls down her sunglasses showing her lust filled eyes.
"YESSS!"
She reaches for a door that appears and the darkness and opens it to find herself walking out of an outhouse. The door breaks and falls off from the force of her opening it. Satella looks up from the desert ground to find a sign saying "Area 51" with an arrow pointing to a military base just a short distance away.
She looks over and makes eye contact with a guard.
"Oh no!"
The man runs to the gate and begins attempting to get back inside. Gold letters appear at the witches feet. She reaches toward it
Summon "Emilia, Destroyer of Rice and Enjoyer of Soundtracks."?
The witch confirms. Another silver-haired woman appears where the gold letters were.
"Good thing I filled up on rice. What is it?"
Satella replied.
"You've gotta help me get Subaru's extra thicc ass back. They've taken him."
"I see…"
A guard on the fortress wall looks at the two with a pair of binoculars as they slowly turn their heads to look at the man. He panics and hits the alarm. Dozens of men run into positions atop the gate, machine guns in hand as the man at the gate begins screaming.
"Let me in! Let me IN!!!"
The two half-elves stare at the base as the man with the binoculars looks at them again.
"Jesus!"
The two begin walking towards the base. The men level their weapons. The dopplegangers lower their heads obscuring their eyes. The men open fire.
A tree is ripped apart by gunfire. Metal objects cave in and crumble. The two continue walking forward, bullets bouncing off them. Satella's sunglasses are destroyed in the gunfire, she pulls out and puts on another pair.
A man loads a grenade launcher in a panic and fires hitting Emilia directly in the face. No effect. He fires again, hitting Satella this time. Zero effect. A man runs to the battlements holding a rocket launcher. He hurriedly fires the rocket as he reaches the frontline. It sails toward the duo with incredible speed and lands right in between the two.
A loud bang is heard for miles as the rocket explodes launching up a smokescreen of sand and dust. The men stop firing. Silence is the only thing heard for a good few seconds as the men think it is over.
Unfortunately for them…
Loud and quick footsteps ring out. And two silver-haired half-elves come sprinting out of the dust cloud, unharmed and eyes glowing red. The men open fire once more to no avail. They approach the gate at terrifying speed. It opens and a mech comes walking through it to meet them.
It locks onto the duo and opens fire with a manner of guns and cannons. It does little as Satella leaps into the air and lands on the mech and rips into the cockpit. Emilia continues running past as the mech explodes, sending the witch flying over the gate wall. She lands in a A-pose as Emilia runs through the open gate and begins punching out the guards.
The which stands perfectly still as a man approaches her with a rifle from behind. He shakes in fear as he levels his weapon… She suddenly turns to face him.
"AHHHHHH"
He opens up directly into her chest as the bullets ricochet off. He fires until he runs dry. As he does, Satella begins to walk over to him. He closes his eyes, expecting death… but it doesn't come. Instead, he opens his eyes to see the witch pull out her phone. Her eyes are obscured as she presents something on the screen to him.
He looks at the screen and his eyes widen in horror. He begins foaming at the mouth as he falls to his knees and his eyes roll up into the back of his head.
"What happened to him?"
Emilia looks at the man in concern. Satella replies simply.
"I showed him Lone Star."
"Oh, makes sense."
She places her hand on Satella's shoulder.
"It's time to go."
Satella nods.
"Yes, Subaru's MAn Ass won't wait forever."
The two through the now quiet military base. All the soldiers were knocked out cold.
As they approach the elevators down into the base. Satella stops. Her ears twitches as a box behind her slides along the ground. She suddenly teleports over to the box. With one hand, she dramatically grabs the box and throws it.
A man is revealed hiding underneath the box. He looks over in confusion as the witch begins walking away from him. Suddenly, she turns around and sprints toward him. As she reaches him, Satella leaps into the air. The man realizes his fate and screams.
"No!... NO!!!!... NOOO!!"
Satella aims her elbow down at the man as she rushes toward him.
The soldiers in elevators hear a crash outside that shakes the entire complex. The doors open and the men move into position in the bunker.
Now dear reader. I want to play a little game called:
Out of your friends, which are you?"
TRUCK FREAK(Plav) - A man holding a shotgun standing right at the door.
CRAZY ASS(Quicks Draw) - A man using a rpg indoors also standing right by the door.
ここにはスバルが必要です- The two indestructible women ripping the doors open.
THE FIGHTER(optimumbarkeep)- A man running back to the elevator screaming unintelligibly.
The others all follow suit with the exception of one.
Plav stands in place firing his shotgun directly into the witches gut. Nothing happens as he continues firing. Emilia facepalms.
"Look… just stop."
Plav runs out of ammo. He casually reloads the weapon and continues firing. Satella gets annoyed and kicks the gun out of his hands. He yelps as his hand breaks and then screams.
"Aah, I need a medic bag!"
At this point, Satella has had enough of their shit and makes a finger gun with her hand. She aims it at Plav and fires.
Plav and all the other nameless men are atomized. Quicks and Optimum barely taking shelter in the elevator. They peek out to see what they feared most.
Two half-elves running toward them. Emilia seems to have glowing red eyes and Satella is holding a sign with a picture of Subaru's ass. She screams.
"I'm coming for that ass!!"
Optimum begins hitting the elevator button as they approach. He begins to panic as they approach. The doors close just in time… it seems until the elevator shakes as a pair of hands rips into the gap in the door and pulls it open.
"You took Subaru!!!"
Emilia pulls the door open, eyes glowing red and enraged. Quicks panics and shoulders his rocket launcher before firing.
There's a bang and then… silence…