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It was one of those weekends when Ron was sunk, completely sunk. It did not even have a reason, like remembering the past. It was just one of those waves of feeling compeletely horrible, completely broken. All he wanted to do was sleep as much as possible. Do nothing.
Unfortunately the doorbell rang.
"I'm not available," he groaned outward. "Try again tomorrow." He curled up again into a tight ball and shut his eyes.
The doorbell rang again.
"I think I dealt with most of the repairs over the week! Please come back tomorrow!" He begged whoever it was to go away already.
The doorbell rang once more.
"TOTO, GO AWA---oh, wait." His unconscious system knew the pattern more than he did now. He sighed, uncurled, sat up. He got up and headed to the door.
He opened the door, and did find Toto in his civilian clothes. "Hey, Toto."
Toto's eyes looked duller than usual, and sunk. Toto made an attempt at a weak smile.
"You okay? Are you sick? Are you hungry? Did you come from duty?"
Toto shook his head.
"Do you want to...go somewhere? Go to Pot Coffee? Go to the mall?" After all, these were Toto's usual offers during the weekends that he was free.
But Toto shook his head slowly.
"Well, then...come in?"
Toto dragged his feet, took off his shoes at the door, and silently entered.
Ron was familiar with this, but did not know what to do when it was another person. "Um...what do you...want to do?" he asked kindly.
But Toto looked like he was going to topple soon. Ron brought him quickly onto the mats and sat him there. He then sat down beside him.
"Okay, you're seated. What do you want to do? What do you want to eat?"
But Toto shook his head.
"Huh?" Ron scratched his head. "How long are we going to do this guessing game?"
Toto instead fell onto the mats, and curled up on his side. He closed his eyes.
"Huh?" What was going on? "Toto, are you sure you don't want to eat first?"
But Toto gave out a deep sigh and pillowed his head with an arm.
The heavy wave of sunkness claimed Ron again, however. Oh, shit. It can't be both of them, right? "Um...Toto? I'm...you didn't even give me a chance to say I was...also out of sorts." Ron sighed.
Anyway, he got up and searched for a pillow, then returned to the mats. He gently moved Toto and placed the pillow on his head. Toto hummed as he grew more comfortable, but stayed asleep. He placed a hand over Toto's head. It was a bit warm. So Toto was indeed half sick besides very sunk. Ron sighed. This was tough. He too just wanted to lie down and do nothing, while the wave of being incredibly sunk passed. It would be hard to power through helping Toto.
Another wave hit him hard and he lay down beside Toto. "Sorry for not being more helpful, Toto," he said, wrapping his arms behind Toto as he groaned. "I'll...get up later for lunch, okay?"
But Toto was already falling asleep, adjusting himself closer to Ron.
"Well, I guess this is all right for now, huh," Ron said, leaning his head onto Toto's shoulder. Another wave hit Ron, this one finally forcing him to close his eyes and shut down. "Sorry, Toto. I really...need to...sleep..."
##
Ron grew aware again, and checked his watch. Half past noon already...really? Ugh, he still felt awful, he still had a headache, he still wanted to shut down. Toto was still asleep.
Ron tried shaking Toto a little. "Toto? What do you want for lunch?"
Toto adjusted, groaned somewhat, reluctant to wake up.
Ron did not feel up to cooking, though. "I...have cereal? I have soup out of a can? I have some onigiri for when I'm like this? Do you want one?"
Toto opened his eyes but sighed and closed them again.
"I suppose...soup then?"
"Mmm...hmmm..." gradually came out of Toto.
Ron patted Toto's head. "Soup. I can...handle that. Running boil. I can do that."
He loosened himself from Toto, and slowly stood. His head still pounded.
He drowsily headed to the kitchen, took out a can of alphabet tomato soup and a saucepan. He opened the can, put the contents in the pan, added the needed water, and set it to simmer.
It was done in a few moments. He ladled the soup into two bowls, put a small plate each underneath and put a spoon. He waited for the soup to cool for a while.
He first brought in the bowl for Toto. He lay it on the mats nearby, then patted Toto again. "Toto? I got the soup, okay?"
Toto slowly and groggily rubbed his eyes then sat up.
Ron placed the soup on Toto's lap. "Be careful, okay? It might spill. Do you feel better?"
Toto shook his head, as he took up the spoon. He smiled a small smile at the letters floating over the soup.
"Yeah...my mum's idea of soup when you're sick is alphabet soup," Ron said. "Can't complain, I like how it tastes, and the vegetables are fine by me."
Toto nodded with the small smile as he began to sip. At least Toto was smiling, that was a good sign.
Ron got his own bowl of soup and sat beside Toto as he also ate. He still felt rather awful, and he still needed another nap, but the soup helped to warm his insides.
"Do you want chocolate? Chocolate's good when you feel like this."
Toto shook his head without a word.
Ron sighed. "I'm so not used to not hearing you. Even your internal monologue isn't working. Look, Toto, you can keep resting, it's okay."
Toto gave him a small smile.
"I'm just...sorry that I can't help you more, this wave of depression is horrible," he added, holding his head. "Not so bad that I want to be run over by a lorry, but God, I want to shut down and sleep."
Toto kept the smile and nodded.
"It happens to you, too?"
Toto nodded.
"When you make a mistake at work? Or when you're very tired?"
Toto nodded.
"When...criminals don't get caught even if it's not your fault?"
Toto slowly nodded.
"Did that just happen?"
Toto shook his head.
"So, it's just one of those days, huh?"
Toto nodded.
Ron placed a hand over Toto's forehead. Still warm. "But also, clearly you haven't had time to rest for a while. You can go nap again after this soup is done."
Toto smiled again.
Ron gathered the dishes and left them in the kitchen sink. He would deal with the dirty dishes later...much later.
Toto had fallen back over the mats, his eyes already closed. Ron sighed as he sat beside Toto. "That bad, huh."
But another heavy wave of wanting to shut down came, making him groan all the strong British swear words he could invoke. It forced him to lay down beside Toto again, wrap his arms around him, and hold Toto well as the pain made him keep shutting down.
Yet before he fully lost awareness, Toto wriggled and turned around to face him, then wound his own arms around Ron.
"Th...thanks, Toto," Ron managed to say.
"Mmm...hmmm," came the reply, as Ron faded to sleep.
##
Ron was so reluctant to wake up, Toto felt warm in a good way and not in a sick way, Toto was just nice and warm in his very good and warm personality way. Feeling Toto's heart beat so close to his was so...calming, reassuring. He wanted this warmth this close to him, always. He leaned his head on Toto's shoulder again. But also, Ron began to wake up.
He whispered into Toto's ear, his head still leaned onto Toto. "Toto? You staying for the night? You want to eat?"
"Mmmm...hmmm," Toto mumbled.
Ron kept his arms around Toto. "So, I suppose you're staying here?"
"Hmmm."
"What do you want to eat? More soup?"
"Hmmm."
"Do you...feel better?"
Toto gave out a long, deep, drawn-out sigh.
"So, I guess not." Ron gave Toto a hug. "You can stay for the night."
"Hmmmm." Toto nuzzled into Ron.
"Could I...make the soup now?"
Toto reluctantly loosened his hold, allowing Ron to get up. But Toto kept lying down.
Ron patted his head. "I'll be back with food."
The sun had begun to set past the windows. Ron disliked that he had been napping all day but he still felt awful, felt like he still needed more sleep. Maybe he should have taken the sleeping pills last night. Then again, if he did, he would not have heard Toto arrive, and with Toto like this, who knew what would happen to Toto.
He readied another can of soup between them, and brought them one at a time to the mats, along with a glass of water.
Toto had sat up, yawning and rubbing his eyes, the cat curled up beside him. He took up the bowl, with a small smile.
Ron sat across him, holding his own soup bowl. "It's okay, go eat."
Toto nodded, and raised the spoon.
They ate in silence for the whole duration, both of them clearly not up for conversation.
"I can put on the telly? For something to watch?" Ron offered.
Toto shook his head.
Ron sighed. "It's really that bad?"
Toto nodded.
"I...understand, it's just strange when it's you," Ron said. "Youtube cat videos?"
Toto smiled, but still shook his head.
"So, just more rest, huh. Do you want fever medicine?"
Toto sighed, but nodded.
"Oh, okay." Ron began to stand up. "Toto, really, it's okay to rest, don't feel that you don't deserve it, it's okay. I know it's not worth much coming from...someone like me. But I do know how it feels like, and quite frankly it feels like that right now. It's okay to sometimes think about yourself and rest. Okay?"
Toto looked at him carefully, before he nodded.
"And...I know I'm not the best at it, but just come over and I'll help you with anything. The way you'll help me with anything. Okay?"
Toto looked at him well again. "Th...ank...you."
Ron's cheeks warmed. "I'll go get the paracetamol."
"Th...ank you."
Ron chuckled. "It's so weird that you've run out of words. Please keep resting, okay?"
Toto nodded.
"Thanks for being here, by the way, even if you're sick. I would've moved even less otherwise."
Toto smiled.
Ron was getting flustered. "I'll...go get the paracetamol now. You can stay here tonight." He turned his back so Toto could not see his reddened cheeks. "So...you can keep resting."
"Thank you."
Ron headed to the medicine case in the toilet, and found the fever medicine. He returned to the mats to give Toto the paracetamol.
Toto gave him a smile as he accepted the glass of water and medicine, gave him another after he swallowed the tablet.
Ron's cheeks warmed again as he took up the dishes, to bring them to the kitchen sink. Ron felt slightly better, enough to wash the dishes and set them aside to dry.
Toto had fallen back to sleep when he was done. Ron sighed, something was really wrong with Toto, he hoped Toto would be better by tomorrow. He lay beside him again, leaning his head on Toto's shoulder.
For now, he would keep himself beside Toto, helping him through this.