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“Actually he’s my boyfriend, right?” Minho’s eyes pierced his own across the room while saying that in the most relaxed possible way.
Completely taken aback, Han swallowed hard, his throat contracting almost painfully and eyes huge in a surprise he tried so hard to suppress in front of the camera. He was clearly waiting for his reaction, not even paying attention to Jeongin’s one who was seated beside him now sensing the tension increasing, looking at both hyungs alternately.
What was happening? Why there and in that moment?
“What about me?” Han spat the first joke running across his brain.
“You’re my boyfriend too.”
And although the situation ended there even after finishing recording, that night Han’s inner voices worked extra hard.
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The first time he started to suspect things was a couple of months ago after Minho returned from a mini vacation to his parents home.
Missing the elder’s company, Han organized dinner and dessert to share with him while watching some anime and catching up about the week. He took his nicest and warmest blankets to put on the bed and the coziest cushions from the sofa, knowing his hyung loves to cuddle with things when feeling cold. And no matter how much Han wanted to be the thing Minho chose to cuddle, he wasn’t brave enough to not lend Minho other options before offering himself as a human heater.
It was all perfect and happy, until he arrived.
Not even a second after Minho crossed the threshold, Han’s eyes dropped to the purple marks on the oldest neck and collarbones.
“What…?” His mouth was faster than his brain, and he regretted it as fast as that question abandoned his lips. Minho blinked confused.
“What, what?”
“Forget it.”
“Not even a “Hello” after a week of missing me as you said? How mean.” Han laughed softly but uncomfortably, immediately shaking his head a little trying to forget what he saw and starting the night again. It was not his matter after all.
It was not. But things were only starting.
The second time it happened Han’s stomach twisted in discomfort. Those purple marks were there again over his friend’s skin, but these ones were different compared to the previous ones. What made them disturbing to look at, was the fact that undoubtedly these new ones were bruises. Purple and yellow bruises scattered all over Minho’s back.
Minho wasn’t aware Han was there because the youngest entered the bathroom accidentally not hearing someone was inside, and found his hyung getting undressed before entering the shower. He closed the door quickly and before anything else happened, he fled from there to another spot of the house, faking to be doing something else and trying to calm down his heart and mind.
Apparently the older one just took his shower and if he was aware or not that someone entered the bathroom he never made a point on it.
When the realization happened, everything went downhill slowly between them.
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.
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"So, are you really dating him?"
The day Han made up his mind and decided to confront his friend, they were chilling in Minho's bedroom after finishing dinner with the rest and they decided to end the night. They weren't roommates this time, but Han talked to Chan beforehand telling him he wanted to spend some time with the other because there was something he wanted to talk with him in private. Chan didn't oppose much resistance, in fact, he was okay sleeping anywhere as long as he could sleep properly. So when they all separate to their respective rooms, Minho was surprised to find Han following him instead of Chan.
They got comfortable under one of the bed sheets and placed the laptop between them to watch a movie before sleep, when Han took the courage to ask.
"Him?"
"Your childhood friend. You were talking seriously?"
Minho's gaze was fixed onto the laptop and Han's eyes were on him. Han had so many questions in his head, but despite being best friends (as much as he was aware), he didn't wanted to push his boundaries intervening into Minho's romantic life.
"Why would I lie about something like that?"
"We were on camera. At first I thought it was just a joke to earn a reaction from us but…", he stopped himself abruptly not knowing how to continue, or if it was okay to even continue.
He felt a shiver down his spine when his eyes crossed with Minho's ones.
"But?"
He didn't know if it was okay to continue now. Why was he afraid of Minho's reaction? This situation, everything felt dangerous for some reason and he felt he had to step carefully around the topic to not make Minho upset. Or maybe even upset himself.
"But… remember the anime marathon we had almost a month ago? After your vacation to your home?"
Suddenly Minho hummed understanding and again, he focused his eyes on the laptop screen.
Conversation stopped there. Minho didn't answer anything and Han didn't ask anything more either. Everything was understood for the younger. But he wasn't concerned about who Minho was romantically with, of course not, the real question and the one that died in his throat that night was…
"Are those bruises, hyung?"
But it took him a whole other month to take the courage to confront his friend. And it was not because he was brave, it was because again, the words slipped from his tongue after caught Minho hiding a wound in his thigh all day. But he let his guard down when they both stopped at Han's room to get a quick change of clothes after the rehearsal and before head to the restaurant they wanted to try since the last time they were in Japan.
Minho froze in his place, giving his back to Han who was sitting on the bed waiting for him to change.
"Hyung…"
"It's a hickey, just that.” He laughed halfheartedly trying to divert the topic, and after putting on his jeans and turning around, his smile disappeared at seeing Han frowning and pressing his lips into a thin line. "Jisungie…"
"No, not Jisungie, please be honest hyung." Minho just stood in his place looking at him petrified.
They canceled the date after Han let Minho fled from there, and he just laid on his bed the rest of the day thinking about why he had to be this coward when one of the most important persons in his life needed his help.
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.
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Minho was in an abusive relationship, that was a fact.
Since the day Han discovered all those bruises on the other's body he couldn't be the same around Minho anymore, and that was starting to make him feel uncomfortable.
He wanted to know, to ask, to talk with him about it and, if possible, to help him get out of there. But his inexperienced and cowardly ass left him stiff every time he had the chance to take the first step.
What could he say? What could he do that could help him? Minho was older than him, more experienced, stronger than him in every sense. If Minho couldn't do anything to get out of it, maybe… maybe it was because he didn't want to get out of it.
Right?
They were eating ramen in the store a few meters away from the agency building when Minho verbalized his first cry for help, freezing Han’s blood.
"He's cheating on me." Han's mouth fell open stopping in the middle of eating without knowing what to say. Minho was not looking at him, in fact, he seemed embarrassed for some reason. A few seconds passed till Han rearranged his mind and could formulate his thoughts into a coherent sentence.
"Why are you there to begin with?" He whispered, scared to raise his voice to express his discomfort. It was not what he wanted to ask, but it was the strongest thought he had in his mind all this time and the one who won the fight to let his mouth.
They never talked about serious stuff for a reason. The atmosphere around them was dense, almost impossible to breathe. Han's lungs were heavy and anxiety started to creep over his legs.
"Have you ever fallen in love, Jisungie?" He just looked at Minho confused. "You write about falling in love and out of love all the time, are you really asking me this?" Minho recharged his chin on one of his hands over the table looking at Han mischievously, cracking half a smile Han hadn't bought at all. "You know, sometimes I'm not the smartest guy here."
"But he's your childhood friend. How…?"
"Is it not the same to be friends than to be lovers, you know?"
"I can't… I can't imagine how a person can change that much, it doesn't make sense." Minho just hummed. "How do you know he's cheating on you?" The eldest let out a bitter laugh.
"I just saw him."
"You saw him?"
"Fucking with others, yeah."
Han rarely felt so angry in his life. Swear he could punch that guy in the face if he were in front of him.
"Why are you still there? Just break up with him, he's a jerk!"
"Don't talk about him like that." Minho pouted half playfully and half visibly hurted by Han's words. And of course he'll be hurted by Han's opinion about his partner, because Minho always expressed to him how important his opinion was for him, introducing not just his family members but all his friends to him.
Now he was, slowly, opening to Han about one of the biggest conflicts in his life currently. Letting Han see a part of himself that he always jealousy protected, which was to allow others to see him being vulnerable about his feelings and insecurities.
Han didn't know how to act. He didn't want to hurt Minho's feelings, not in a moment like this, but he felt if he went soft in his opinion, he was letting his friend to his fate, and that could imply Minho getting terribly hurted in the worst case scenario.
"I know you probably think I'm a stupid, and I am, I can't deny it. But I… guess I love him?" Han's heart ached after hearing that. Surprisingly, Minho broke into a loud laugh and then some soft giggles. "Sorry to wrap you into this whole weird conversation, I know this is not our field but I just…" He was smiling so sadly Han had to focus so hard to control his body and not stand immediately to hug him tightly. "I just needed to let it out."
"Minho…"
"Wanna eat dessert? My treat."
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That conversation was the gate to everything that followed after.
One late night during his work session and after Changbin and Chan left the building, Han received a call from Minho, something that took him by surprise not because of the call itself, but because of the time. Almost 4pm.
"Hyung? What are you doing awake at this hour?" He smiled a little concerned, but immediately his smile dropped. Sobs, Minho was sobbing. "Hyung… Are you crying?"
"...sorry. I feel so miserable I couldn't stand to be alone anymore. I just wanted to hear your voice, sorry for interrupting you while working, Jisungie."
"What happened?"
"Don't worry, nothing serious. Are you busy?"
"Depends. Do you need me?" Another sob followed.
"Could you… maybe keep me company until I fall asleep?"
"Of course. Wanna video call?"
"No, I don't want you to see me this ugly and swollen." Han smiled bitterly.
"C'mon, I already saw you crying plenty of times, I know how you look right now. And believe me, you look handsome even while ugly crying." Minho fell silent for a few seconds.
"You mean it?" He whispered, catching Han's attention and making him realize what he just said. Fortunately Minho couldn't see him, cuz he bet his face was red for sure.
"I mean it… You know I consider you the most handsome guy I know… For now!" Minho's laugh was a caressing to his soul.
That guy, whatever his name was, broke Minho's heart in every possible way every single time they went back together. He cheated on him, abused him, ghosted him and tried to even manipulate him to distance Minho from the kids. That's when Han realizes for real how bad his hyung self-esteem was. Han always knew it, it wasn't something complicated to see if you were close to him, but sometimes it was hard to believe it judging by the way Minho confronted daily life… Sometimes Han wished he had the power to make Minho see how beautiful people see him on the outside and inside and to realize how precious and important he is for everyone who loves him. Who loves him for real, like his family, the kids, or Han himself.
And it was unfunny to hear how sweet and infatuated Minho sounded when talking about him sometimes. Like if this guy were everything he needed for his life. Everything he wanted. Cuz neither of that matched with every time he called Han sad and heartbroken because that guy cheated on him again, fought with him or didn't want to see him at all.
How could he befriend someone like that to begin with?
"You became my tissue, I'm so sorry." Minho cuddled against Han, wrapping him tightly between his arms and legs. The younger smiled scratching Minho's scalp softly after a good session of heavy tears because the disgusting guy told his hyung he'll go on vacation with friends instead of waiting for Minho to see him. "This is not how it is supposed to be…"
"What do you mean?" Han paused the video he was watching on his phone before looking at the oldest.
"I'm the hyung here."
"You always take care of me, now is my turn. I'm okay with that."
"Is not okay…" Minho mumbled.
"What is not okay is what he does to you." Han's expression became serious.
"I know."
"Good."
After Minho fell asleep on his bed, Han sat at his desk and let the words flow through the ink.
He was used to writing sad lyrics about love relationships and heartbreaks, but he would have never expected to be using Minho's suffering as a muse for his lyrics. A flinch of guilt pinched his stomach while writing, but he needed to let everything go as a way to exorcize every thought and feeling he couldn't externalize and reach Minho.
Looking at the eldest sleeping peacefully, with his eyes still a little puffy and his nose and lips reddened, Han wanted to wrap his arms around him and sleep holding Minho tightly against his chest.
"I tie myself to you, who stand still
And somehow try to talk with you, I feel so tired but I can't give you up, my babe
Yeah, you are a part of my life
If I have to let go now, I'd rather be dead, baby
The pointless argument ends yet again with a goodbyе
If this is the last of us, I might just die."
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"What are you doing?" Chan asked curiously after contemplating Han working non stop for a few minutes since he arrived at the studio. He didn't even flinch when Chan and Changbin entered the room.
"Oh" he exclaimed, surprised, taking off his headphones. “Haven't notice you here"
"We know. What are you doing? You seem so invested in it."
"Ah…" he looked at the screen and then exited the project to continue later. "Nothing urgently, just something that was stuck in my head for a long time and needed to let it go."
"Ah! Can we listen to it?" Changbin asked playfully taking a seat behind him.
Han looked at Chan and Changbin alternately.
"Uhm… I just have the melody, you wanna listen?" He lied.
"Of course!"
He was feeling selfish about his lyrics this time, about what it meant for him and Minho even when the last one didn't even know about its existence. And it wasn't on his plans to release it anyway, but he felt it was not correct to let any other person see it before Minho himself… If he takes the courage to show it to him someday.
However, what started as an outpouring of everything he talked and heard from Minho's chaotic love life, it ended up transforming into something more personal, more intimate.
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"He broke up with me."
Han stared at his friend for a couple of seconds, blankly, and then digested what the eldest just said. Minho interrupted him in his room almost at midnight after sending a message asking if he was free. And Han wasn't free, but he knew if Minho messaged that late was because something happened. He wasn't expecting something like this though.
"Oh babe… I'm so sorry…" he extended his hands to give him a hug, but Minho giggled and instead he took place on Han's bed.
"I know you're not, haha. You told me to break up with him too." He was faking. He was trying to make it look like a humorous situation and that everything will be okay but it took Han just a glance to Minho's eyes to see he didn't mean it.
"Yeah but, c'mon…" he let out a sigh. "You know… I'll not be a hypocrite. I'm happy." They stared at each other's eyes, feeling how the atmosphere became more heavy between them and gloomy. "I'm happy despite knowing you'll be sad and miserable for the next few months because… this means you're free now. Free of his abuse Minho." Han sat on his bed beside the eldest and hugged him without thinking about it. Hugged him tightly the way he wanted to do it all these last months, while Minho let his face sink into the youngest's neck and, little by little, allowed himself to wrap his arms around him sharing the hug. "I couldn't handle seeing you getting hurt anymore, but I didn't knew what to do either. I wanted to protect you so badly… Be honest with me hyung, why were you with him?"
"I don't know Jisungie… honestly I don't know. I trusted him, you know I really loved him but the moment he started to become a monster I couldn't…" Han felt Minho's fingers pressing on his back. "I couldn't accept he was like this. I didn't want to accept it. Who would love me if not someone who knows me since forever and was with me almost the entirety of my life? Who would accept my life and everything that comes with it, if not him?"
Han couldn't believe what he was hearing. It was hard for him to believe that Minho, his Minho hyung, the one he always looked up to and blind everyone with his personality, was this insecure about himself.
"Hyung… don't say that."
He desperately wanted to protect him, make him notice how many people will die for an opportunity to be with him, to know him for real.
"When all is said and done, let us smile happily, the two of us together."
His heart bursted, bleeding through his mouth and his lips without passing any inner filter.
"I'm here for you."
"I know…"
"But I mean it. If you allow me of course." Minho giggled against the skin in his neck causing him shivers.
That night they slept entangled again, but this time, Han let himself melt into the sensations and feelings, pampering the eldest as much as needed to make him realize he was not alone.
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"What are you writing? Will you sing that for me? I saw you writing that for a few nights now."
"Uhm… maybe later? Let me think about it." Minho pouted.
"Can I know what it is about?"
"I took inspiration from a movie I watched some time ago. I wanted to convey the main character's feelings but… it ended up being more personal than I wanted. So I guess it's about me?" Minho blinked twice, confused. " You'll be the first to listen to it when I finish recording it."
"Funny what you're thinking, whеre are you?
Who's in your head right now, someone other than me
Looking for somebody."