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"I'm in love with you, Toya." Rui exclaims, clutching a bouquet of blue violets, light purple lilacs and white orchids in his arms. He was dressed in a black and dark purple suit, his hair done up nicer than usual for Toya's coming of age party.
Aoyagi Toya had just turned 18 and his father was holding a party in his honor, but Toya found himself with his dearest friend and the grounds florist, Kamishiro Rui, alone in the garden practicing violin as Rui listened, mesmerized.
It was expected that this would happen, the two were practically inseparable. Toya helped Rui get dressed for parties so he could fit in and Rui decorated Toya's window boxes just so he could talk to him and work at the same time. But what nobody expected was for Rui to confess that he was in love with Toya.
Toya, who happens to be quite used to random women confessing their love for him due to his rich status, stops playing his violin for the two of them to hear. He did look at Rui, his eyes distant as he stared off at nothing. "Pardon?" He asks quietly, his voice filled with disbelief.
Rui swallows, his heart pounding in his nervousness. Every line he had practiced just yesterday fled from his mind, leaving him defenseless in the moment. "I'm in love with you Toya, and I would love to officially court you." Rui pushes the flowers towards Toya and squeezes his eyes shut as if he were bracing himself for impact. His voice was trembling and his knees shook as he tried to keep himself steady, the nerves were really getting to him.
Toya looks over at Rui, scanning the boy up and down with a neutral expression on his face. His eyes held a conflict cloudiness in them, almost hiding the sadness that threatened to take over for him. "Rui, I-" Toya looks at Rui's face, flushed with pink to the tips of his ears. This was the most pathetic looking stance he'd ever seen Rui take, his elegant nature disappearing for this moment.
Toya wanted nothing more than to take the flowers and hold Rui close to him, caress his face and run his fingers through his silky hair. But it was wrong. "I'm sorry." Rui's eyes opened, now it was his turn to ask Toya to repeat himself. "You're sorry?" He mumbles, his voice cracking as he tries to keep himself composed.
Toya turns to Rui completely, trying to seem sympathetic over his own overwhelming sorrow. "I can't do this with you, Rui. I'm so sorry." Toya doesn't step forward, doesn't hug Rui or rub circles on his back like he would every other time Rui needed comforting. He just stood there, holding his bow and violin, allowing the quiet wind to blow around them as Rui fought back tears.
Rui tried his hardest to keep himself together, the flowers now held at his side as if all the extra time and effort he spent growing them meant nothing to him. He smiled pathetically, his eyebrows furrowed as he struggled to understand Toya. "Why not?" He asks quietly, looking Toya in the eyes. Rui was never great with eye contact, he always seemed to redden and shrink away when their eyes met for too long. But now that he boldly stared into Toya's eyes, Toya realized just how beautiful his golden eyes were.
Toya hesitates with his answer, knowing what it was but not wanting to break Rui's heart the way it would. He sighs and looks down, not being able to stand seeing Rui so upset anymore. "Because you're a boy." Toya could practically hear Rui's heart shatter into pieces, not even bothering to stop the tears anymore.
The wind blows brutally behind Rui, his hair rustling in the rough breeze. He looks down and smiles at the ground, his tears falling into the grass and on his shoes. "I see." He says, his voice broken and pathetic. Toya finally steps forward to comfort Rui but Rui had already rebuilt all the walls that Toya worked so hard to tear down, pushing Toya away from him when he tried to get close. "Rui, please listen-" Rui cuts Toya off, brushing him away with an uncharacteristically emotionless voice. "I should go." His voice didn't crack, but tears still continued to stain his cheeks.
Toya steps back, recomposing himself as he realizes just how bad he's messed up. He pressed on, Rui wasn't allowing him to turn back. He made his decision when he first asked Rui to repeat himself. Toya's gaze turns cold, in hurting Rui, he had hurt himself too. "Yes, you should." With that, Rui runs off, throwing the flowers to the side for Toya to pick up off the floor, bursting through the doors of the grounds keeper's quarters in the distance and getting ready to leave the grounds for good.
People started to file through the doors to the garden after hearing the commotion from inside, seeing Toya standing there alone with crushed flowers in his hands. People murmured around him, whispering things about what they thought happened. "Wasn't that Kamishiro running off?" "That eccentric groundskeeper?" "He was always a little strange, wasn't he?" "Yes, but this was particularly weird." "I always thought he'd be a little queer." "No wonder Aoyagi is his only friend." "I bet Aoyagi only pitied him."
Toya turned around to face the crowd, absolutely fuming. "Shut the hell up!" He yelled out, his voice ringing throughout the grounds as everyone silenced, staring at Toya in shock. "Party's over." He called out, pushing through the crowd with the flowers in his arms. "Go home." He left the grounds, slamming the glass door behind him before making his way up to his room and locking his door. Walking over to the window, he saw Rui closing the door to the groundskeeper's quarters and looking up at the window, staring back at him with a painfully neutral expression for a moment before running away.
Toya didn't realize that it would be the last time he would see the love of his life walk away.
☆
"Letter for Aoyagi Toya." A year and a half had passed and Rui never showed his face on the Aoyagi grounds again. Toya had pressed one of each type of flower Rui gave him on that fateful day, hanging them in frames above his desk.
A woman stood at his door, holding a letter for him. Toya stands up slowly, taking the letter from the woman before dismissing her, closing his door to read in private. The letter was almost illegible, the words scrawling into scribbles as if the person's arm had been too weak to hold a pencil properly. Nearing the middle, the handwriting completely changed after a smudge, like a second person had to take over for the previous sender after their hand slipped off the page. Toya read the letter as best he could in his head, his eyebrows furrowing at the contents.
'Aoyagi Toya
I hope this letter finds you in good health, but I regret to inform you that-' this was where everything smudged and became scratches on the page, so Toya had to skip over it all. 'Kamishiro wants you to join him at 72 Calla Lily Avenue on October 25th before sundown. Don't be late.' There wasn't much else in the letter, but it had been signed by Rui and an unfamiliar other name.
Toya bursts through his door, running down the stairs, past his father who yelled at him for running inside the house, and out to his car. Pulling out of his driveway, he used his 'rich guy privileges' to speed over to the location, arriving at the address in about half an hour.
But he hesitates. Standing at the door of the small home and staring at the wooden door knob, he takes a deep breath and knocks loudly. A pink haired person opens the door slightly, the door still locked with a chain, looking him up and down before furrowing their eyebrows. "Who are you?"
Toya replies quickly. "I'm here to see Rui Kamishiro. Is he here?" He asks. The person glares at Toya before slamming the door in his place. "Wait!" Toya yells, banging on the door desperately. "Nobody’s home, go away." The person yells back, not bothering to stop Toya's racket. "It's Toya Aoyagi. Please let me in." He pleaded, hearing whispers behind the door before it unlocked and opened.
Toya thanks the pink haired person over and over, before looking down the hallway and seeing an empty eyed girl in a doctor's coat. "Kamishiro called for you specifically. He's waited a long time to see you again, but be kind to his heart." She sighs as she turns away, walking to the room that Toya presumed Rui was in. "He deserves at least that much after all that he's been through." Toya follows the doctor to the door as she knocks on it, hearing a familiar but raspy voice tell them to come in.
The doctor opens the door, revealing the light purple haired former groundskeeper laying down on a bed with his head resting on it's side, looking out the window nearby. He was connected to so many drips and wires that his button up sweater had been left open to reach his chest. Toya felt his heart break all over again. "You can leave us, Asahina-san." The doctor, Asahina, closes the door behind Toya, leaving the two of them alone. Rui looks over at Toya with a tired look in his eyes. "You're a sight for sore eyes." He said, calling Toya over with an elegant flick of his fingers.
Toya felt as if he was going to cry again, his eyebrows furrowing as he sped his way over to Rui's side. "What happened to you?" He asks, causing Rui to smile sadly. "Terminal Illness. Asahina-san is Mizuki's doctor, but they got her to help me a while ago after they picked me up off of the street. She told me that it had long been past the point of no return for my health." Toya felt tears fall from his eyes.
"Is that why you called me? Because you're dying?" He asks quietly. Rui looks away. "I know it was selfish, but I wanted to see you again." Toya shook his head, taking Rui's cold hands. "No, I wanted to see you too. I wanted you to come back the moment I knew I lost you." Rui smiles back at Toya, his eyes full of sorrow. "Even though I… like men?" Rui asks quietly. Toya nods, squeezing Rui's fingers ever so gently.
"My hypocrisy that day is one of my biggest regrets." He smiles, laughing slightly as Rui's eyes widen. "Hypocrisy?" He asks. Toya tilts his head forth, putting his forehead on the backs of Rui's hands. "I like men too. And I love you above all." Rui's silence urged him to continue. "I figured it all out too late. Once you were gone from my sight, I realized just how much I emotionally relied on you." Toya pulls himself up. "I realized it was love too late to get you back."
Rui begins to cry. His body shakes with sobs, happy sobs, as the information sinks in, trying to hide his face but failing. "I've missed you so much." Rui cried, holding his arms out for Toya to join him in his embrace. Toya squeezes Rui tightly, the purple haired boy was the most precious thing in the world to him. "I can't believe I let you go." He mumbled into Rui's hair, rubbing his back with his thumbs.
"I love you, I never stopped loving you." Rui says quietly, smiling as Toya kisses his head before replying. "I love you too."
Rui passed away later that night, lying next to Toya on his deathbed, yearning for the life they could have had if they were together.