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“I have come to defeat you, Stark”.
“Wow, Loki, you look like shit”.
“I have gotten little sleep these past few months. But that is of no consequence. You will bow before my army.”
“Loki, the last three times you’ve said that, you’ve lost. Remember, we have a Hulk.”
“This army cannot be defeated by your Banner, nor my brother, nor even you, Man of Iron. This army will look upon your visage, and…How do you say it? Oh, yes. Jump your bones.”
“Huh?”
“You see, Mr. Stark, I came across this army shortly after I discovered the marvelous contraption you mortals call the internet.”
“No, see, Loki, I think I know where you’re going with this, and let me tell you, using them is a bad idea. I’ve had my own encou-”
“SILENCE!! You will bow before my Army!”
*multiple voices heard in distance*
“LOOK AT THEM!! THEY’RE TALKING!! OMG!! THAT’S SO HOT!! ~TOM!! TOM!! CAN I HAVE AN AUTOGRAPH?!?! ~TONY!! TONY!! REMEMBER ME?! I STILL WANT YOUR BABIES!! ~DON’T LISTEN TO HER! I HAVE A BETTER IDEA!! HAVE EACH OTHER’S BABIES!!! ~YEAH, WHILE WE WATCH!! ~OH, THAT’S A GREAT IDEA!! ~HEY, LET’S TIE THEM UP AND LOCK THEM IN A CLOSET TOGETHER!! ~NO, PUT HANDCUFFS ON THEM AND THROW THEM IN AN INTERAGATION ROOM WITH A ONE-WAY MIRROR!! ~YEAH, LET’S DO THAT!!!”
“Oh, god. Loki, why did you let them out? They’re supposed to be SHIELD’s backup plan if any of the Avengers goes rogue.”
“I…I…I didn’t know…”
Obviously! Now let’s go, before we get completely trampled by them!”
“But, they promised. They said if I let them do as they pleased with me, they would help me… All of this time, all the make-overs, and the hair-braiding…Stark, they had me dress as a girl! And the orgies…oh god. I think I’m going to be sick.”
“No, you aren’t. I just had this carpet replaced with shag. Do you know how hard that is to have cleaned? Now, I’m not joking. We really need to go, like, now.”
“But…My brother…”
“Oh, for fucks sake, come with me. And please, in Odin’s name, DO NOT go near Thor unless you want to be forced to do things that even Ron Jeremy wouldn’t touch.”
“I do not understand that reference.”
“Just trust me, you don’t want to get that close to your brother.”
“Thor and I were very close as children…”
“What the…You know what, never mind. Come on, we’re leaving.”
“WAIT, NO, TAKE US WITH YOU!! ~C’MON, GIRLS, AFTER THEM!! ~WE CAN’T LET THEM GET AWAY!! I NEED INSPIRATION FOR MY MILLION WORD EPIC!FIC!!! ~HEY, MAYBE THEY’RE LEAVING TO HAVE SEX ~PORN! PORN! PORN!!!!! ~HEY, YEAH!! WE’LL LEAVE YOU ALONG IF YOU LET US WATCH!!! ~NO, I WANT TO JOIN!! ~YEAH, ME TOO!! ~DON’T YOU GUYS WANT TO HAVE SEX?!?!? ~WITH US?!?! OR WITH EACH OTHER, THAT’S FINE, TOO!! “HEY TOM!! WILL YOU AUTOGRAPH MY BOOBS?!?!”~aw, they’re gone. C’mon, girls. Let’s go troll the Archive or something. ~Yeah, okay. Alright. ~TONY!! I LOVE YOU!! I’LL CALL YOU! DON’T FORGET ABOUT OUR CHILDREN!! ~I said, come on, Jodi. Just give up already! ~Fine. Lemme just post the vid on YouTube. ~Yeah, okay. I’ll make a transcription.”
“Wait a minute. Why do they keep calling you Tom…?”