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It’s not like Jisung chose to fall for Mark Lee when they first met. Really—he hadn’t even thought about it at first!
Over the course of the years that they’ve known each other, Jisung’s found himself falling deeper and deeper for his friend. He blames his omega, really; it wasn’t him who had decided to latch onto Mark and want him as a mate, it had been his omega. And, well. Jisung can’t fault it for choosing Mark. He’s an amazing alpha, after all.
And therein lies the problem. Everyone and their moms probably have a crush on Mark Lee, just like he does. He’s not anything special, not really. He’s your average omega—and is probably even less than average, at that. Honestly, most days, Jisung is surprised that he hadn’t presented as a beta—his scent isn’t exactly the most omega-like (the scent of grass and clovers, with just a small touch of sweet honeysuckle underneath—it comes out more when he’s in heat), nor does he exhibit a lot of omega-like behaviours, compared to what most people believes omegas should act like.
(Granted, they live in a society where, these days, stereotyping against someone’s presentation is looked down upon a lot more than it had been before, but still.)
Jisung tries to not be too hard on himself about it. He’s just throwing his own expectations on himself and expecting everyone else to hold those same expectations against him—when no one else actually cares about them as much as he does.
The point of the matter is this: harbouring an unrequited crush on one of your best friends of many, many years is terrible.
Awful. Horrible. Somewhat self-ridiculing.
Zero out of ten, would not recommend.
He’s tried to keep it a secret from as many people as possible—and especially from Mark—but Jisung may be a little too easy to read when it comes to their friends. So far, Chenle, Renjun, and Donghyuck all know. That’s half of their friend group. And it’s half too many, if you ask him! Chenle seemed to have known right away—he’s always been able to read Jisung easier than Jisung can even read himself—and it was Donghyuck who had figured it out second. Renjun only knows because Donghyuck had told him right after figuring it out, since he and Donghyuck are dating.
He just really wishes his friends would stop trying to get his hopes up. He knows that they mean well and they just don’t want him to be too down on himself and his crush on Mark, but he really doesn’t appreciate it when they tell him to stop acting like Mark doesn’t return his feelings—when it is very obvious that Mark doesn’t return his feelings.
It’s their bi-weekly get together.
Ever since they started college, they’ve kept this tradition alive as much as possible: sometimes it’s tri-weekly, or just monthly, but they—all seven of them—make it a point to get together fully, rather than just a few of them at a time. It helps them all unwind, and makes sure that they won’t lose contact with each other, no matter how little or how much they talk to each other outside of said get togethers.
Jisung’s been trying to weasel his way out of them for the past few months, but Chenle and Donghyuck just won’t let him. They force him to come, no matter what, and Jisung both loves and hates them for it. He never gets any rest when it comes to his best friends.
This week, they’re having a game night—thank god it’s not board games, like the last game night, because Jisung can only handle so much of Jaemin and Donghyuck ganging up on everyone at Monopoly. Instead, they’re playing a bunch of games from Jeno’s Switch and Mark’s PlayStation. Games like Switch Sports and the Jackbox collections, and even Just Dance. Though, honestly, Jisung’s not looking forward to that because Donghyuck and Jaemin are so competitive with their games—and they hate how good Jisung is at dancing, so they always complain it’s not fair to go up against him at Just Dance.
And—well. Jisung can’t exactly blame them. He’s a dance major, after all. He’s supposed to be really good at dancing. And he’s at the top of his major, so—yeah. He doesn’t really feel bad about beating them at a game like Just Dance, though. He does, however, like to tease them and make them think that they’ll win before absolutely crushing them at the stage.
It always makes Mark laugh and smile, and if there’s anything he can do to make that happen, Jisung’s going to do it. Even if it means making a fool out of himself.
Which Jisung tends to do a lot of the time. So, safe to say, he does make Mark laugh and smile quite often—especially at the expense of himself. He can’t say it’s all terrible, though. He doesn’t fuck up majorly, at least, so there’s that. Still, Jisung kind of wishes he wouldn’t be such a fool all the time. He supposes he can’t really help it when it comes to Mark, though. He very much struggles to remain normal when it comes to him. You’d think it’d be easier, all things considered. They’ve been a part of the same best friend circle nearly their entire lives, and yet…
Jisung sighs quietly to himself, settling into the couch, curling his legs up into himself. Right now, Chenle and Jeno are duking it out over Kill This Love on the game right now. Chenle is in the lead, but Jeno’s score is closing in pretty quickly, and Jisung can tell that Chenle is getting—playfully—frustrated about it.
“Who do you think’s gonna win?” Mark’s sudden voice makes Jisung jump. He turns to look at Mark over his shoulder, blinking a bit owlishly. Mark tilts his head towards the dance battle, then says, “Well?”
“Oh, uh,” Jisung glances back at the screen. Between Chenle’s and Jeno’s dancing bodies, he can just barely make out the scores, but seeing how fiercely Chenle is dancing, he can tell that he’s not doing so well. “Well… it’ll probably be Jeno-hyung, honestly. Chenle-hyung seems to be struggling a lot.”
Mark chuckles a bit, nodding. Jisung feels him leaning all of his weight against his side, and Jisung’s inner omega purrs. A small shiver runs up Jisung’s spin, and he forces himself to not lean back into him. This is something Mark does with all of them—he’s pretty tactile and enjoys cuddling a lot, and while Jisung also enjoys being tactile, being so close to Mark like this makes him want to lose his mind.
He glances up just to catch Renjun giving him one of his looks, and Jisung feels like the Earth could open up and swallow him whole right now and he’d be so thankful for it. Jisung attempts to settle his omega down, sinking deeper into the couch in a pathetic attempt to try and get away from Mark’s warmth—but it doesn’t work, not at all. As Jisung sinks further into the couch, Mark just leans into him even more. Jisung’s omega is so fucking happy about it that he feels like crying from relief, but he knows this is going to be short lived.
He tries to not look too happy about it, even though he knows the smile on his face won’t be going away any time soon.
If there’s one thing that Jisung doesn’t like about being a dance major, it’s the fact that he’s subjected to several different dance performances throughout the year. This year, there had been four performances for him to plan for and perform with the rest of his class. He’s done two of them already, and he’s been working on his third performance for the past two months. It’s caused some hiccups in his social life with his friends, but he’s survived worse (his first performance).
He’s sort of panicking, though. These last two performances have a much more prominent effect on his grade than the first two, as these ones are the most important: they’re supposed to take their two previous performances and add to them, to create something newer and more fresh from something that’s already been made, while also retaining its original purpose. They’re not supposed to change the performance so much that it’s unrecognizable, nor are they meant to create something entirely new.
Jisung is much too self conscious about his performance and whether or not he’s hit the correct marks. All of his friends have attended his last two performances, but he’s not even sure he wants them to come to these last two. It’s terrifying. He’s worried about screwing up more than once and he doesn’t want his friends to see him losing his mind like this—when he’s not really himself and is way too twitchy and a lot more jumpy than he usually is.
Unfortunately for Jisung, he doesn’t really get a lot of say in the matter. His friends all show up despite him telling them, via text, “really guys it’s fine u don’t have to come”.
“You’re gonna be fine, Jisung-ah,” Chenle squeezes Jisung’s arm, before reaching up and ruffling the back of his hair.
Jisung can only nod, gripping onto Renjun’s hand, who is standing on his other side. He can feel, and small, the comforting scents of his friends around him, but there’s one scent that sticks out the most—Mark’s. It’s so pungent and fragrant, even through the rest of their friends’ scents, and it almost makes Jisung woozy. Yet, at the same time, it’s so comforting that Jisung can’t help but feel himself gravitating towards it.
He finds himself pressed up against Mark’s side before he knows it, his face pressed into Mark’s shoulder, breathing in the fruity, citrus scent. Watermelon, with hints of lemon and mint. He always smells sweet, yet fresh—it’s definitely a different kind of scent for an alpha to have, but no one’s ever told him it’s “not right” for him to have that kind of scent. Jisung loves it so much—he often wishes he had Mark’s scent on him all the time.
“Jisung-ah, you’re gonna do great.” One of Mark’s hands is in Jisung’s hair, and Jisung leans into it. He almost starts purring—he can feel his inner omega keening at the praise and Mark’s actions, and Jisung’s eyes feel misty and wet. Jisung closes his eyes, hiding further into Mark’s body, as Mark hugs him. “Hey, are you gonna cry?” His voice is teasing, but Jisung nearly does burst into tears right then and there. “C’mon, don’t cry yet. Only cry when you’re finished.”
Jisung doesn’t know how to explain to Mark that it’s not the performance he wants to cry about—but Mark that he wants to cry about. He doesn’t think he’d be able to do it, anyways. He’d just end up making Mark feel bad, and he wouldn’t be able to stand that.
At least, in the end, Jisung’s performance goes amazingly.
It’s something extremely mundane that turns everything upside down for Jisung.
They’re not doing anything special—Jisung is with Jeno, Donghyuk, and Renjun, the four of them studying together. (Jisung and Jeno are trying to study, at least, but Donghyuck and Renjun won’t stop playing footsie under the table and giggling.)
“Hey guys!” Mark’s voice makes Jisung shoot up in his seat, stiffening in place. His inner omega keens, though, despite Jisung’s own internal fear.
“Mark-hyung!” Jeno beams as he waves their friend down, gesturing for him to come and sit with them.
Mark does so, taking the seat between Jeno and Donghyuck, and Jisung is left to look across the table at him. It’s a scene that is so normal for them, and shouldn’t make any kind of difference, but—but. For some reason, it does. Jisung can’t stop watching him. It’s like all of his rational thoughts have decided to fly out the window.
His inner omega is so tired of all this yearning and yearning, only to get no results, and maybe it’s Jisung’s own fault for not actively pursuing after Mark in the first place. But, how can he, when he knows that Mark doesn’t care for him in that way, and that if he were to try and court Mark, it wouldn’t end in heartbreak? He keeps trying to tell his inner omega that—Mark’s not their alpha, and there’s no way to change that. It’s just… exhausting. And Jisung just wishes his heart—and omega—would stop pining after Mark already.
“Jisungie?” Donghyuck’s voice startles Jisung out of his thoughts, quite literally. He feels someone’s hand on his arm as he looks up at Donghyuck’s confused and concerned face, and—wait, why is he confused? And concerned? “What’s wrong?” That should be Jisung’s question.
Something wet lands on the table and on one of his hands, and that’s when Jisung blinks—and when he realizes that he’s crying.
“Wha…” Jisung is confused himself. He doesn’t understand why he’s crying—is he really that upset over this? Or is it just his inner omega finally accepting their fate? He reaches up and rubs at his eyes, attempting to clear the tears, only to start crying harder.
“Oh, shit—” Jeno panics as he rushes over to Jisung’s side, getting down onto his knees so that he can look up at him. “Jisung-ah, hey—it’s alright, it’s fine—” Jeno is a beta, and Jisung can smell and feel his pheromones spreading around him, trying to comfort him. Jisung whimpers softly, burying his face deeper into his hands.
He feels so ashamed—so fucking stupid and tired and he’s suddenly acutely aware of Mark being there because of the way he can smell his scent souring, turning harsher, like some kind of cleaning chemical. Jisung can’t stop crying, though, no matter how much he’s trying to stop the tears—it feels awful.
Both Jeno and Donghyuck eventually pull Jisung up from his seat and usher him out of the area—they’d been in one of the main study rooms on campus, and Jisung is sure his sobbing caused a scene of some kind, and now he just feels even fucking worse. “Jisungie-yah, it’s okay,” Donghyuck’s hand soothes down Jisung’s back as his two friends lead him away from the building entirely. He’s not even sure where they’re taking him right now.
He comes to find out they’ve been directing him back to his dorm—the one he shares with Chenle and Jeno—and by the time Jisung can more coherently figure out where he’s at, the two of them have put their heads together to build a nest for Jisung to curl up in. Jisung lets out a strangled cry as he buries his face in his pillow, squeezing it hard in his hands, even as he feels Jeno’s hands smoothing up and down his back and the beta’s comforting scent all around him—everything just hurts and he can’t even explain why.
Jisung doesn’t know how long he cries for. It feels like forever. Like he’s stuck in time, just crying, curled up inside of his nest. He thinks his friends take turns being with him during this time—it’s mostly Jeno’s and Chenle’s scents that come through, though, but that’s likely because their clothes may have been added into Jisung’s nest. His dorm is essentially the closest thing to a home right now, so it makes sense.
As he calms down and comes out of it, it’s Donghyuck who is there with him this time. He smells worried—his usual cinnamon-like scent coming off as slightly burnt at the moment—and Jisung sniffs softly as he lets his head rest against his friend’s arm, squeezing Donghyuck’s hand lightly.
“Sorry,” Jisung manages to mumble, his voice hoarse and raw. His throat hurts.
“Don’t be sorry,” Donghyuck reaches his free hand up and runs it through Jisung’s hair, pushing his bangs back away from his forehead. “Are you okay?”
“I…” Jisung doesn’t really know how to respond to that. He is okay, really, but… he just feels—empty. Sad and tired and empty.
He wants Mark.
Instead, Jisung swallows and shakes his head a bit, hiding himself against Donghyuck’s arm again. “Not really. It’s…”
“It’s about Mark-hyung, right?” Donghyuck asks quietly, leaning in and pressing a kiss to Jisung’s forehead.
He doesn’t try at the mention of his name, but he still tears up slightly. “Yeah.”
“Jisung-ah…” Donghyuck lets out a soft sigh, running his fingers through Jisung’s hair again. His scent has softened now, sweet like it usually is. Jisung feels a lot calmer. “You’ve been holding this in for so long. Don’t you think it’s time you finally told him about it? You’re only making yourself suffer so much like this…”
Jisung chews on his lower lip. Donghyuck is right—he knows that, and he’s known it for a long time, but he just can’t bring himself to do it. He doesn’t want to lose Mark—he doesn’t think he’d be able to survive that—but Donghyuck is right. He’s got to tell him.
“He’s been really worried about you, by the way,” Donghyuck says, a somewhat cheeky smile on his face. “He’s been texting us nonstop to check on you and how you’ve been.”
Jisung feels his cheeks flushing. “Stop trying to embarrass me before I do this.”
“Sorry, sorry,” Donghyuck laughs softly as he presses another kiss to Jisung’s forehead. “I’ll call Mark-hyung and tell him to come over. I’ll make sure Jeno-yah and Chenle-yah leave, too, so you guys can have your privacy.”
Jisung loves his friends, but he desperately does not want to be alone with Mark right now. (He does. But he doesn’t. It’s complicated.)
Donghyuck does as he’s said—he steps out of the room and is immediately on the phone with Mark, telling him, “Jisungie has requested you, hyung!” and he’s already forcing and shoving Jeno and Chenle out of the dorm room like a maniac. He’s alone in the dorm before he knows it, and Jisung sort of hates it. He’s always found comfort in other people when he’s down like this, and even the nest with all their scents isn’t helping that pit in his stomach right now.
He doesn’t get long to wallow in pity, though. The door to the dorm opens and closes several minutes later. Jisung already knows who it is. He can’t smell him quite yet, but he hears his footsteps, and the moment Mark gets to the threshold of his room’s door, he stops. Jisung can smell him now, and it immediately makes him feel better, even despite the fact he can smell just how worried the alpha is about him.
“Jisung?” Mark calls his name softly, and Jisung’s inner omega immediately starts purring.
Seriously, could you get any more obvious? Jisung thinks to it, sighing quietly from inside of his nest. He carefully lifts his head and peers over the edge of the nest to look at Mark, and Jisung immediately feels like hiding again.
Mark is standing there at the door, not daring to come in. He shuffles on his feet, hands twisting in front of himself nervously, and Jisung realizes that Mark is waiting for him to give him permission to come in—despite the fact that Jisung can see that Mark wants to come in so badly.
“You can come in, hyung,” Jisung mumbles, quickly diving back inside of his nest.
Mark enters a moment later, but he doesn’t go any further than the edge of Jisung’s bed. He stands there, hovering, but doesn’t attempt to set foot into Jisung’s nest. It’s so endearing that Jisung feels like he could start crying again, if he still had enough water in him to do so. Jisung clears his throat a little, before he clarifies for Mark, “You can… can come inside the nest, too, Mark-hyung. It’s okay.”
“I didn’t want to assume,” Mark says, a small smile on his face. He’s careful as he climbs inside of the nest, doing his best not to knock any of the walls down. Once he’s inside, Mark shifts around against the bed until he gets comfortable, but there’s this… awkward distance between them because Jisung is making that distance. “Jisung-ah… are you alright?”
Jisung takes his time in answering. He chews at his bottom lip again as he stares at a wall of the nest, reaching out and picking lightly at the sleeve of one of the shirts that’s in it. “Not really. There’s just… something I need to get off of my chest. I should’ve done it a long time ago, but…” Jisung pauses, wetting his lips. “I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.”
“Did I do something wrong?” Mark is quick to ask, and immediately, Jisung shakes his head. His inner omega whines at the thought of Mark blaming himself for this.
“No, hyung, it wasn’t anything you did—” Jisung rolls over in his position, facing Mark now. Mark is positioned a little awkwardly, as if he’s trying to keep himself as far away from Jisung as he can. Jisung doesn’t know why it hurts so much when he was the one who started it in the first place. He shakes that thought away. “It’s all been my fault, so don’t… blame yourself, Mark-hyung. It wasn’t anything you could have predicted.”
There’s a look of confusion on Mark’s face, and Jisung gets it. He swallows again as he tries to settle his rapidly beating heart, squeezing his eyes shut as he blurts out the words: “I’ve been in love with you for, like, a really long time. I’m sorry.”
There’s a pause, and to Jisung it feels like it lasts for ages, but in reality, it’s only about two seconds before Mark says, “R–Really? I thought Jeno and Jaemin were just trying to tease me all this time…”
Jisung’s eyes slowly open, blinking several times, before he looks towards Mark with shock written all over his face. “Wh… What? But, hyung, what do you mean—”
“Jisung-ah.” Mark’s voice is soft, tender—it’s suddenly closer, and that’s when Jisung realizes that Mark has moved himself to be closer to him. He stiffens almost immediately, overwhelmed by Mark’s scent and how it seemed to be growing stronger and stronger—Jisung feels so dizzy. “Jisung… I’ve really liked you for a long time, too. Maybe just as long as you’ve liked me.”
There’s another pause, because Jisung doesn’t know how to respond or react. His mouth opens and closes for a moment, before he suddenly sits up, staring down at Mark with wide eyes. “You…” Jisung can’t even think of words to say. His inner omega won’t stop keening, and all Jisung wants to do is throw himself onto Mark and scent the ever loving hell out of him right now. “Do you—do you mean it, hyung?”
“I wouldn’t lie, Jisung-ah,” Mark chuckles quietly, before he peers up at Jisung and smiles softly. “I mean it. Jeno and Jaemin have been teasing me about it a lot recently, but… I didn’t realize that they’d actually be telling the truth about it…”
Jisung lets out a bit of a strangled laugh, mostly in disbelief, but also in partial relief. He can’t believe this is happening right now. He shakes his head a bit, trying to settle himself back down into reality as Mark suddenly comes barreling into him. Jisung yelps softly as they tumble around inside of the nest, until Jisung is lying on top of Mark, his face pressed in against Mark’s shoulder, arms wrapped around him tightly.
“So…” Mark clears his throat quietly, his arms moving up to wrap around Jisung loosely, “What does this make us now…?”
Slowly, Jisung leans back from Mark and stares down at him, blinking rather owlishly. Mark’s cheeks are pink, and Jisung’s inner omega is so thrilled, purring even now. Jisung’s been unable to help the fact that he, too, has started to rumble quietly from the effect his omega is having on him. “I mean… what do you want to be, hyung?”
Things are quiet between them for a moment. Jisung watches Mark under him, his eyes going over all of his features and taking in his expressions—watching the way his eyes are swimming with thought. Then, so quietly and softly, Mark says, “I’d like to be boyfriends.”
Jisung’s inner omega howls with joy. He can’t help the grin that spreads across his face, and he throws himself into Mark once more, burying his face against Mark’s neck—not quite near his scent gland, but close enough to it—as he lets out a happy laugh. “I want that, too, hyung. I really, really want that.”
Mark’s arms tighten around Jisung immediately, pulling the omega down closer to him, and Jisung’s omega purrs so damn loudly that it’s almost impossible to hear any of his other thoughts. The only things in his mind right now are finally, finally—Mark is mine, my boyfriend, my alpha, mine, mine, mine—
Jisung lets out a startled noise as Mark starts to scent him properly, rubbing himself against the side of Jisung’s neck. It takes several moments for Jisung’s brain to reboot and kickstart again, and he does the very same to Mark—rubbing against the side of his neck where the scent gland is, a low, but deep rumble of happiness coming from him. There’s a rumble that’s coming from Mark, too, and Jisung thinks that he could die right now and be content for the rest of eternity.
“Donghyuck-hyung is going to give a huge ‘I told you so’ speech later,” Jisung mumbles a while later, his cheek pressed against Mark’s back. They’ve changed positions, spooning inside of the nest: Mark as the little spoon, and Jisung the big spoon behind him.
Mark lets out a quiet snort, nodding. “Jeno and Jaemin are probably going to do the same with me.”
Jisung grins brightly, pressing his face further into Mark’s back, squeezing the alpha in his arms. “Probably. It’s pretty worth it though, huh?”
He feels Mark’s hand cover the back of his, lacing his fingers through Jisung’s, and squeezes it a moment later. Mark lifts it up as he turns it, pressing a kiss to Jisung’s palm, mumbling against it, “Totally worth it.”
Warmth floods through Jisung’s chest, his heart beating happily in his chest. Maybe a little heartache and self-gaslighting was worth the trouble, after all.