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The light of every world in existence was blinding, but Jack knew that only he could see it. Being overwhelmed by such things was an unavoidable consequence of what he had done just a few hours prior. He had pretended for a bit that it was all fine to make sure that Sam and Dean wouldn’t be worried for his wellbeing, but once he had left them, there was no reason or way to deny it anymore. There was so much energy busting inside him, too much even for a Nephilim who had been born and raised with archangel grace in his veins. But there was no taking back what he had done despite a part of him regretting it. He had always been content with having just enough power to protect his family, he never wanted this much of it, but to stop Chuck he had to take all of it inside him.
Because of it, the entire universe was weighing on his shoulders and he was aware how woefully unprepared he was. A tinge of anger accompanied that thought. He had never asked for this, he was forced into that situation and it wasn’t fair… but it was also something he would do all over again to protect the ones he loved and his world.
“It will get easier to bear with time” Amara’s voice assured him, taking him out of his self pity mood. “Restoring entire worlds will release a lot of this power as well, so let’s do that already, little angel.”
“I still don’t know how to do it” he replied to his great aunt, the Darkness, whom he also absorbed alongside the former God’s power. While she had used her whole being for the union with her brother, Chuck kept his conscience and physical body as his own. It was something that Jack was happy about since he wouldn’t have liked to have to hear Chuck in his mind and be tied with him. On the other hand, the young Nephilim was glad he could talk to Amara, an entity who had no hidden intentions, and he hoped he could learn a lot from her about what being the most powerful being in existence entailed.
“I will guide you, so follow my instructions,” she replied.
Jack didn’t protest. He had also absorbed her memories, so he knew that she had grown to love humans and their world as well. He didn’t blame her for her previous actions, especially not for falling for her brother’s manipulation. Family could be someone’s most valuable source of strength, but also their biggest weakness. Perhaps one day she would like to disconnect from Jack and be her own being again, an idea he wouldn’t oppose, but until then she was genuinely happy to act as his guide.
“First, find the first universe you want to restore,” she said.
He looked around the endless hallway, which he had modeled after the ones in the Men of Letters bunker. There was nothing there except locked doors on both sides. No other beings and no sounds, not even a gentle buzzing coming from the sources of unnatural light.
There was, however, one side of the corridor that wasn’t stretching indefinitely. It was the point from where he came, marked by the door that led to his own world, which felt magnetic and safe. It looked exactly the same as the door to his own room in the bunker. Jack resisted the temptation to go back there since he had just plucked himself from that world, renouncing all his roots to be able to fix Chuck’s action. He still couldn’t believe that a god could just delete all the worlds he had created without remorse.
He started walking down the corridor, but he recognized nothing else, not on a personal level at least. Still, he had some awareness about those other worlds thanks to what he absorbed from Chuck without having to see them with his own eyes.
“Every universe is a door that leads to many rooms you can enter, but they are all connected,” Amara explained.
“But what connects the first doors so they are all here?” Jack asked.
“Nothing. My brother burned all the connections. All but you. This is your mental space turned into a real intersection that’s only accessible to beings like us.”
He nodded, beginning to realize just how much his status had changed. He had always been seen as something different from everyone else, but never before was it to such a scale.
He then continued looking around to make the best pick. There were some universes he was familiar with and maybe that would make restoring them easier. He found the perfect opportunity to test that theory once he sensed an unnerving energy coming from one of the doors. He had felt it once before, when he had connected his mind to Kaia’s and saw the Bad Place through her. He placed his palm on the handle, but hesitated. He remembered that this had been a terrible place, hence the name the girl had chosen for it, so did anyone really want it restored? And yet, there was someone who did call it “home”, someone’s whose opinion he could ask for so he could make a good decision.
He took in a deep breath and opened the door. However he saw nothing or, better said, nothing concrete. It was all just atoms floating without shape nor reason. His confidence that he could restore anything from there dropped immediately.
“Fear doesn’t suit you anymore. You need to remember that you’re what humans call God,” Amara said. Jack didn’t agree with that, but she continued speaking before he could express that. “You just need to connect the dots and threads, everything you need is already here. My brother was very proud of his work, despite what he said. He would never completely delete a bad draft, just hide it from everyone else.”
“Does that mean that I could restore just one person for now?”
“You can do whatever you want. Get used to it, nephew!”
She sounded so enthusiastic that he felt some confidence in himself again. After all, he could undo any possible mistake, so what was there to fear? He studied every atom and gathered the ones he knew he needed. It was a long process, but he was beyond time so there wasn’t ever any rush for him anymore. After a while, he was fairly sure he had all the pieces so he arranged them properly, finishing it by adding one specific soul in the mix.
Once it was done, he stepped back and anxiously looked at the result. The Kaia Nieves of the Bad Place stared back at him with terror in her eyes. She tried to reach for something on her back, but Jack had only restored the clothes she wore at the time of deleting and nothing else. After shortly studying the corridor she had been placed in, she settled for a fierce position and took on a battle pose.
“Who are you?” she asked harshly.
“Hello!” he said, trying to sound as friendly as possible. “My name is Jack Kline. Don’t be afraid. I’m… a friend.”
“I have no friends. What is this? Where did you bring me?”
“It’s complicated to explain, but this isn’t your world. The one before me destroyed it, but I’m going to fix it if that’s what you want.”
She frowned. “My world was destroyed by natural disasters and so was I. Are you dead?”
“No, not at all.”
“Then… who are you to be able to talk to me now?”
“I’m Jack Kline,” he repeated.
“I don’t care what your name is! What are…?” Though she was trying to hide her fear, she couldn’t contain it. “What kind of monster are you?”
Jack was unsure what to answer. He didn’t consider himself a monster, but even before he had absorbed Chuck’s power, such questions had been very difficult for him. He was born from an archangel and a human and he considered himself to be both and neither at the same time. His main family included one Seraphim and three humans. He had been raised by hunters and he tried to act like one, but he ended up making the mistake of… a monster. He wondered if Kaia was right after all, but he realized he didn’t want to see the answer in her fearful eyes. Did he even have the moral right to bring her back like this just to get some peace of mind? Wasn’t that something that Chuck would do? Was every being powerful over a certain limit destined to play with normal people’s lives?
Jack teleported away out of the corridor, out of any universe. He didn’t truly fit in any of it anyway. His mother loved him and his adoptive family accepted his nature, but none of them understood him. He was never a single thing, being caught in between opposite states instead, so close to being part of many groups, but never reaching a full status in any of them.
“I understand you,” Amara said warmly, taking him by surprise. He was still forgetting sometimes that he was now a part of her just as much as she was a part of him.
“No, you don't,” he replied with pain in his heart. “You were born a god, but I wasn’t! I don’t think I was even meant to become… this.”
“It’s true that my brother didn’t write your story with this outcome in mind. He didn’t expect you to take his powers just like he didn’t expect me to almost kill him once I was freed. But isn’t it for the better sometimes to defy what humans call fate?”
Her words reminded him of Dean’ view of life, which he enjoyed, but Jack shook his head nonetheless. “Am I destined to never belong anywhere?” That was the fate he would have really liked to defy, but he had no idea how.
“It depends on what you understand by that,” she replied. “What do you think you need to be to belong somewhere?”
He thought well about it. He realized that not everything he had said to Sam and Dean as a goodbye was untrue. “I’m not sure. I just want to be myself, but I don’t know what that means. I only know what I want to do - helping people and doing the right thing. I want to protect them without interfering with their choices.”
“Then why does it matter what others would call you as long as you achieve this goal?”
“It’s because… I don’t know what to call myself either.”
“Is that so?” she asked. “But you just called yourself something earlier and you seemed confident when you said it.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re Jack, aren’t you? Jack Kline. Do you really need another label? You’re more than a human, more than a Nephilim, but whenever I say you’re a god now you don’t believe it either. You don’t feel the way I do about this state of being. But what stops you from sitting on the threshold?”
“Nothing,” Jack replied.
“That’s right. If you ever want to choose a side, you can do it, but don’t force it. Everyone is more than a word, more than a label. You are what you do.”
“Thank you.” He was surprised how reassuring her words were, reminding him of his own mother.
“There’s no need for formalities like that,” she said. “I’m also trying to find my place and purpose now that my brother, my other half, is not what he used to be anymore. It’s very strange to think that he will just live and die as a human now while I’m still eternal.”
Jack understood her point immediately. What was left of his family would also live short, normal human lives and die, but at least he was already planning on visiting them in Heaven eventually. It must have been even harder for Amara. As her closest remaining family in a way, he vowed he’d do his best to comfort her as well. However, the best thing he could do at the moment was continuing his plan of restoring the other worlds. It didn’t matter if he was doing it as a god, as Lucifer’s child, as Castiel’s son or even as a Winchester.
He returned to the corridor and he found Kaia sitting on the ground, with her hands around her legs and looking exhausted. She glanced at him with coldness.
“I couldn’t open any of the doors. I couldn’t get anywhere. Did you bring me here to torment me?” she asked.
“No, I’m sorry I left you alone here” Jack hurried to answer, then sighed. “I know it’s hard to believe me, but I really want to help. Seeing you scared like this… it’s not nice.”
Kaia didn’t answer while he turned away from her. He opened the door to the Bad Place again and gathered more atoms, connecting them with delicate threads of power. This time the process seemed easier and faster. Perhaps it was because this project was less complex, not even containing a soul, or he was actually getting the hang of it. The result wasn’t quite the weapon Kaia used to own before Dean borrowed it and Michael destroyed it, but it was created from the same materials and was supposed to be practically identical.
He handed the newly reformed spear to her and she grabbed it fearfully, then rushed to step away from him again. She was holding it tightly and she still acted like a cornered animal, but her posture did seem more confident now at least.
“I don’t think this can harm me,” Jack confessed. “But I won’t hold it against you if you try it.”
“Why did you give it to me?” she asked.
“One of my dads took it from you and he didn’t get the chance to return it, so I’m doing it in your place.”
“You mean that rude, short tempered guy?”
“Only on his worst days. He’s usually a more pleasant company.”
She scoffed and pointed the spear at him despite his lack of reaction. “This is not enough for an answer!”
He thought about the question she had asked him before. “What you want to know it’s not something I can properly explain,” he said. “Technically I am God now, but I can’t see myself that way yet.”
“Have you lost your mind?”
Jack wasn’t surprised by her skepticism. She wasn’t one of the people who raised him so she wouldn’t believe his life story if he told her about it. He didn’t want to confuse her with unnecessary details nor derail the conversation to a completely different topic than he had in mind.
“What’s important is that I only mean to fix your world and to build a better home for people like you,” he said. “Will you help me, please?”
Kaia looked at the ground for a moment. “You brought me back somehow. Whatever you are, you must be very powerful. But why would you use your power to help someone weaker than you? That’s not how it works.”
“It should be how it works and I’ll do my part. I don’t expect you to believe me, Kaia, but you have nothing to lose by talking to me.”
“You’re speaking so eloquently now, nephew, how did that happen?” Amara asked in his mind, but he didn’t answer. He was just happy to be able to learn from his grant aunt.
Kaia slightly lowered her spear. “Was my world really destroyed by that dark wave or… Was I destroyed too or was that just a nightmare?”
Jack knew that it probably wasn’t good for someone to remember their death. He could tell her it was all a bad dream, that this conversation was not real either, and then it would most likely go more smoothly for him… No, lying like that was something that Chuck would do and Jack refused to use the same means.
He explained to her what happened to her world and why he wanted her to explain to him what could be done to improve it while restoring it. She seemed confused and conflicted for a few minutes, but otherwise was taking it well.
“Why are you asking me?” she asked, looking back at him.
“I owe it to the other Kaia I met. You both had a tough life and you deserve something better. I want to give every survivor in that world a better chance to live happily. I’m sure you know better than me how that could be made true.”
Kaia still looked at him in disbelief, but she began talking about the changes she’d want in the Bad Place. Outside of a few questions for clarification, Jack didn’t interrupt her. Apparently, the ideal living place for her was still one that required a few survival skills, but the forest she was describing was way more welcoming for humans and lacked the dangerous monsters.
“Are you going to just… let them remain deleted?” Amara asked.
“That’s what Kaia is asking for and I said I’d listen to her” Jack replied in his mind.
“To be more precise, she’s asking to not have to cross paths with monsters again, nothing more.”
He realized she was right. Every being deserved to live and he could restore those monsters in a new world, one that was identical to the Bad Place minus the humans as their prey. Nothing was stopping him from doing that… well, nothing except his skill and patience. Still, he didn’t want to be the type of god who would just give up on someone or something, so he was going to put in the time to create that copied environment. He wanted to be fair to all creatures, regardless of his unavoidable positive bias towards humans.
“You’re learning very fast, my godling,” Amara said affectionately.
Jack was happy to hear that, but it was time to turn his attention back to his guest.
“Thank you, Kaia, your answers are very helpful,” he said.
“I don’t trust you,” she replied, unexpectedly for him. “This world is not one that has a god, there’s nothing but natural laws governing life. But… if somehow I wake up in my world after this and it’s better than I remember it, I… I’ll consider if you were speaking the truth.”
“Thank you” Jack replied, touched by the chance that someone as guarded as her was giving him.
“But if it turns out you’re just messing with me, I’ll hunt you down and make you pay!” she hurried to add with a fierce expression.
He smiled. “I have no intention of giving you false hope, my promises are genuine. You can count on me, Kaia. Is there anything else you want to tell me?”
She shook her head, but immediately seemed to change her mind. “I… don’t want to remember how I died.”
“Then you won’t.” Jack thought that it was probably a good idea to remove that memory for everyone he was going to restore. “I’ll send you back now while I work on it, but you’ll wake up in what will be only a moment for you. I don’t think we’ll ever meet again, so I hope you will be happy with the changes.”
Kaia didn’t answer and he became aware that dragging it on would make it harder for no reason. He wasn’t good at saying goodbye, but he would probably have to get better at it if he was going to go through the same process with every deleted world. He turned her into just a soul and almost countless atoms in a process that was painless again, then he found himself alone again. No, not alone, just with less company.
“I’m ready,” he told Amara. “Teach me how to rebuild an entire universe, please.”
“Teach you? I already told you everything I know about it. Everything so far has been pretty base level usage of our powers. But to build or rebuild an entire world, not just some elements from it… Connecting all that is much more complicated. One mistake and the pieces won’t fit together anymore! I’m not the one you should ask for those instructions. My brother is the one who was always better at building worlds than me.”
It was the first time Jack heard her seeming unsure and he wanted to cheer her up. “But I trust you, not him,” he replied. ‘We can both learn the details as we go along. I really want to do that with you.”
“You are very kind, nephew. I’m surprised you didn’t win my brother’s affection.”
“We didn’t really have the chance to interact, especially not while on the same side” Jack admitted.
Amara chuckled. “That sounds about right. He is too proud for his own good, always thinking that no one but me could even begin to be a match for him. I wonder if he learned his lesson after what you did.”
Jack didn’t like talking about his grandfather, so he opened the door leading to the Bad Place and started working on it under Amara’s supervision. He glanced back at the entrance to his own world, itching to go back home already, but he had a responsibility towards a near infinite amount of living beings now. Before returning, he would at least finish repairing Chuck’s mistakes to the best of his abilities. He had no doubt that such a victory would bring him happiness.
A lot of questions were still bouncing in his head despite how busy he was. Was he doing the right thing? Was he acting the way a true benevolent god would? Was he overstepping boundaries the same way the former god had? He ended up sighing, realizing that only time could give him most of the answers. For the moment, he could only hope that he was slowly but surely growing into his proper role. Maybe once he’d be done with that he would stop being stuck into the weird in-between state of being that had haunted him his entire life.
At the very least, he was sure now that being just Jack was alright as long as he had people like Castiel, Sam, Dean and Amara by his side or in his heart. There was nothing else he could have wished for.