Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

You’re pouring your coffee into the ugly mug Moxxie gave you for secret santa, a tradition I.M.P has been doing out of pure spite and irony of heaven being celebrated annually. 

You don’t even actually like coffee, you honestly don’t know how feather dick even stomachs the shit. However, you continue to sip the bitter substance as it burns your throat.

Loona slams her door open, snatches the cup out of your hand and walks over to the couch you threw up in a few weeks ago. 

“Good morning Looney” you say in a tooth achingly sweet voice trying for a conversation that most likely isn’t going to happen, but, she answers nonetheless. “morning.” 

you absolutely beam at her. “How’s your day going so far?” you drag out the r in far as much as you can before finally shutting up to let her answer.

 You know you’re pushing it, but you guess today is full of surprises as she turns to face you from the couch, glaring, yet she responds with “bad.”

 she turns back to her phone, taking a long sip of coffee, hinting at the fact she's done talking for this half of the day. 

You sigh, with your coffee stolen you have nothing else to distract you from the fact that this is the first day since Ozzie’s that you’d have to meet up with Stolas for your transactional fucking.

I mean, sure, you’ve been talking to him despite that but none of that actually counts. It's just Stolas buttering you up so that you’ll do his bidding like his little attention whore. 

None of the ‘good morning’ texts, or little check-ups or giggles at your jokes are genuine, which is something you have to remind yourself daily or else you might actually fall for the fact that he wants to talk to you, and thinks your funny, and sees you as something other than your status as an Imp. 

While you had that existential crisis, you managed to walk to your closet and now have your suit on. 

You breathe into your palm and smell it. it seems to be minty fresh. You look down and see your socks are on as well.

This leaves the task of putting on your shoes and waiting for Loona being the only things left barring you from that visit. 

You go to the front door, picking up your shoes and putting them on as slowly as possible without Loona getting mad at you and leaving you behind.

 Not like it would make any difference where you’re going, however if she were to leave you, you would have to call Stolas to pick you up. 

You finish slipping them on after another few minutes of procrastinating and stand up, you see a shadow engulfing you in size. You look behind you to see Looney towering over you.

she's giving you the stink eye which you can only assume is because of how long it took you to put two shoes with no laces on. 

“What took you so fucking long?” she's clutching her phone in one of her hands and resting the other on her hip.

“Sorry, dear” you say, incredibly uncharacteristically, i guess Stolas is really rubbing off on me . You immediately shake that thought from your head, embarrassed that something so sappy could come from your brain.

You come back to your senses to find that Loona has left you. You run out of the shitty one bedroom apartment to see her walking through the elevator doors. 

You sprint over just before she enters, sliding under her legs and popping up in front of her as she walks into the big box delivering you guys to the lobby, you click the button to go down. 

When you get to your car, you sit down, buckle up and floor it, leaving your unlocked door wide open for any intruders to walk in. Well, at least you won’t need the keys you also forgot. 

You start playing Loona’s current favorite song, trying, and awkwardly failing, to sync your voice to the lyrics, leaving a disgruntled harmony instead of whatever you were trying to do.

Somehow, through all the embarrassment, you still sing along. That is, until,  out of your peripheral vision, you can see her groan and roll her eyes. 

You stop instantly, locking your eyes on the road and trying for a cool, and collected appearance that comes out as a crooked smile and droopy eyebrows.

Eventually, you get to M&M’s house, sneaking into the building through a window in the bathroom that's always open. They haven't noticed yet, and you’re not planning on notifying them anytime soon.

You walk out of the bathroom, into the hallway and obnoxiously screech out 

“MOXXIE! MILLIE!” you hear lazy pitter-pattering as millie walks into the hallway, rubbing her eyelids. 

 “Yes blitzø?” she yawns mid-sentence making her rendition of your name come out all stretched and sluggish.

“Wake up the prude and we’ll get sinbucks” you say in a singy-songy voice walking into the kitchen and helping yourself to their already pretty empty fridge. 

You hear mumbling coming from their bedroom that you're half sure is Moxxie making a fuss about the nickname and half that he’s complaining to Millie about you even entering the house like a bratty bitch.

You finish making a pp sandwich -that stands for double peanut since they don’t bother to ever get jelly- and walk into the bedroom while Moxxie’s still changing. you hear him yelp as you take a seat on the edge of the bed

“SIR. PLEASE.  GET OUT.” he covers himself with his suit and jumps back defensively. 

“Calm down, it's not like I haven't seen your dick before.” you say, wiggling your eyebrows and motioning a camera clicking.

He rolls his eyes and snarls, walking into their master’s bathroom, slamming the door and locking it aggressively. 

You wait for a while, finishing your pp sandwich and pacing around the room for a few seconds before he finally unlocks the door, walks up to you and asks

“Where's Millie?” you suppress an eyeroll. Of-fucking-course mister peg-o-lot over here is asking where his precious wife is. 

You shrug and turn around, leaving the house through the door this time. You unlock the car  and hop in. 

Moxxie follows suit and gets in the back, Eskimo kissing Millie and buckling up. You start up the engine, putting the car in reverse and backing out of the parking lot. 

Then, you put it back in drive and adjust your car before stomping on the gas, driving to the sinbucks a few minutes away from the office. 

Once you get there, you make Moxxie order last for the most obvious reason-

He never shuts the fuck up. 

He knows he’s being annoying too, so in reality he just does it to be a huge bitch, which is something you can’t exactly respect but you can’t judge either.

 It’s not like you don’t understand the enjoyment he gets from it but, could he do that when we’re not on a time crunch to get to the office? The short answer is, no. 

The long answer, however, is his venti coffee frappuccino with two scoops of ice, five pumps of frap roast, and double blended with his name spelt correctly on the opposing side of the receipt sticker in cursive with the whipped cream barely touching the lid and an imp-pop with the eyes being proportionally correct and the horns being the same size.  

And the fact that's only half of his order honestly astonishes you, But Loona's low growls pull you out of your state of awe and quickly changes you and Millie's mood to concern as she gets ready to pounce on Moxxie.

Millie holds her back just as she's supposed to grab him and as much as you’d want to record this, you get a call right before pressing the button to start the video, and the contact name is ‘stolas.’ 

-You changed it after Ozzie's. As your view of stolas changed, his contact did too, and because of how frequently your opinion of him morphs, he’s gone through a lot of creative nicknames such as ‘mr. bookman’,’blue bloodd’,’feathery asshole’,’stolas<3’, and finally just ‘stolas.’-

For some reason, his call makes you nervous, to the point where you're wiping your free hand on your pants, drenching the fabric with sweat. 

“HEllo?” Your voice cracks on the E.

“Hello, Blitzø.” he answers ever-so-gracefully, which makes you both nauseous and hot all over. 

“uHm, so, why’d you call me?” you say, only sort of awkwardly while your voice cracks again. 

“I was just wondering when you were going to be here, i have quite the surprise” you can hear the smile in his voice and brace yourself for his never ending rant of cringe-worthy dirty talk, but it doesn’t come (pun intended) 

You end the call.

You know you shouldn’t be excited for this. Nonetheless, ¾ of the way through Moxxie’s rant you hit the gas so fast he might’ve cut his head clean off on the pole outside the car. 

In a minute or less you’re at the office, rushing everyone out, throwing the keys to the office into Millie's hands and leaving just as fast as you arrived. 

Normally, the drive to his palace would be an hour or so away from the I.M.P Headquarters, but taking a few ‘shortcuts’ that may or may not be ‘against the law’ which you don’t follow anyway because “fuck it, its hell.” you should be there in 10. 

Chapter Text

yea so im just going to change this into a one shot so the fic isn't going to be updated for a few days/weeks (depending on how much i write) because i realized that i cant really write long chapters so changing the format so that the whole fic is one chapter will make it easier to digest and will make the chapter longer