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“Lou, Sweetheart, wake up.”
The sound that emitted from Louis’ side of the bed was vaguely human. That was pretty par for the course when it came to attempting to wake Louis up outside of what they lovingly referred to as “normal operating hours.”
“Diana just called.”
Louis bolted upright, rubbing frantically at his eyes.
Diana.
Their caseworker.
“What? What’s going on? What time is it?”
Louis threw the covers back, realizing that Harry was standing fully dressed next to the bed.
“She found one. Louis, she found us a baby.”
Though he’d never admit it, Louis had begun to give up hope. They’d been trying to adopt since before the ink had even dried on their marriage license. The only thing that kept him going was Harry’s unwavering optimism. The sparkle in his eyes when his husband talked about their future children kept him holding onto the hope that one day, it would be their turn.
It was finally their turn.
A pile of clothes was dropped into Louis’ lap. Bless his husband. Right now, he couldn’t think straight.
A baby. Our baby. We’re going to be dads.
“Breathe, Sweetheart.”
Suddenly, Harry’s face was in front of him, Harry having knelt down to be eye-level with him. Beneath the calm exterior was a myriad of emotions, Louis knew. The watery eyes said it all.
“There’s no rush,” Harry relayed. “Diana said we could wait until morning if we wanted to.”
Fat chance, that.
Louis would sprint there right now if he had to. Naked. And barefoot. They’d waited so long.
“I don’t want to wait until morning,” Louis declared, shaking his head.
Harry leaned forward and kissed him softly.
“I don’t either,” he agreed with a tearful smile.
While Louis dressed, Harry checked and double-checked that they were ready to bring a newborn home. They’d been ready for months—close to a year, now. Louis grabbed their bag and Harry grabbed both car seats. They’d heeded Jay’s advice and bought both a standard infant seat and one made specifically for preemies. Right now, they were empty, but on their way home, one of them wouldn’t be. Louis suppressed a sob.
The drive to the hospital seemed to pass in an instant. There was virtually no traffic at one-twelve AM on a Tuesday. Louis pulled the mid-size SUV they’d lovingly named “Dorothy” into the nearest visitor parking spot and turned off the ignition. They both sat in silence for a moment.
“Are you okay, Sweetheart?” Harry asked, yet again.
It was a valid question, he realized. He’d been exceedingly quiet since Harry had woken him. Reaching out to take Harry’s hand in his, Louis nodded.
“Just enjoying the last few minutes of it just being the two of us,” he said quietly.
Tears welled in his eyes.
“We’re going to walk into that building as a couple and walk out as a family,” Louis whispered, knowing his voice wouldn’t hold up to a higher volume.
“Oh, Louis,” Harry breathed.
He leaned across the console to press their lips together.
“Let’s go meet our baby,” Harry declared softly, eyes just as misty as Louis’ own.
Pulling his phone from his pocket, Harry typed out a quick text. The reply was almost instant.
“Diana’s waiting for us at reception,” Harry looked up at Louis before continuing. “She said to bring the preemie car seat.”
Louis’ stomach did a flip.
A preemie. Is their baby sick?
He shook the thought from his head immediately. The hospital wouldn’t let them take a sick baby home. If Diana said to bring the car seat, they would be leaving with their baby. Today.
Hand in hand, they walked through the deserted parking lot, their footfalls echoing off the tall buildings on all sides. In perfect sync, they stopped a few feet in front of the entrance doors.
“I feel like I’m going to throw up,” Harry said softly.
“Oh, God, me too.” Louis groaned.
The moment stretched, both of them working up the nerve to walk in. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, Louis squeezed his husband’s hand.
“I’m ready. Are you?”
“Let’s go become a family,” Harry agreed with a sharp nod.
True to her word, Diana met them just a few steps into the lobby. Her bright smile immediately put them at ease.
Diana had been a godsend from day one. Every step of the way she was more than willing to answer any question or concern they had. Much to Louis’ amusement she’d humored Harry when he asked her advice on nursery colors. On the other hand, she’d also been patient every time Louis had asked a question that a man with six younger siblings definitely should know. Her kind, motherly demeanor had been the anchor they needed when time and time again they’d been passed over by birth families.
“Sometimes, hope is all you have to go on,” she’d reminded them. “Don’t lose it.”
“Hello to my new daddies!” she greeted, hugging them each tightly. “I told you that you could have waited until morning.”
Her tone was teasing. She knew better. If she’d wanted them to wait until eight AM, she would have called them at eight AM.
“One AM is technically morning,” Louis teased back.
She rolled her eyes fondly.
“Do we need visitor badges?” Louis asked.
The last time they’d made it this far, there had been peel-off stickers with their names waiting.
“Not this time.”
Louis could hear the small waver in her voice. When he looked down, he realized why. In her hand, she held two matching hospital wristbands. They weren’t visitors. Not this time. They were parents. How he managed to keep the tears at bay while Diana fastened the bracelets on their wrists, Louis would never know.
“Let’s go meet your baby.”
They blindly followed Diana through the maze of corridors that led to the nursery. Louis had half-expected her to lead them to the NICU—Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. The nursery was a good sign. It meant their baby wasn’t sick—just small. Louis was used to small babies. Having two sets of twins in the family meant that he’d seen his share of little hands and feet. He was prepared for small.
Swallowing around the lump in his throat, Louis looked through the glass at the tiny human in front of him. How something so small wasn’t connected to every machine in the hospital was a mystery to him. Wonderment was the only word Louis could think of to describe what he felt at that moment. Swaddled tightly, the baby within still squirmed and wailed in protest.
“Good lungs, huh?” Diana teased. “No sleep for you two.”
Louis would give up every second of sleep from now until eternity for the red-faced bundle that was currently screaming at the top of its lungs.
“Come on, daddies,” Diana tugged at the sleeve of Harry’s hoodie, “Come hold your daughter.”
Daughter.
Harry would have never admitted it out loud, but Louis knew he’d wanted a girl more than anything. They'd each tried to keep their lists even with traditionally female and male names—with a few unisex on hand as well—but there was a clear skew to Harry's list. “A happy baby,” is what he’d said he wanted, but Louis knew better—mostly because he’d been hoping for a girl, too.
Every other time, they’d had to wait outside the nursery, looking at the bundle that might become theirs. This time, their hospital bands got them inside. Standing over the screaming bundle, Harry reached for her before pulling his hands back.
“She’s so tiny,” he whispered nervously. “I don’t want to hurt her.”
Louis had to fight the same feeling. Gathering the bundle into his hands, he gestured to a soft rocking chair off to the side.
“Sit down and I’ll bring her to you,” Louis smiled, realizing she was roughly the same size as his youngest twin siblings had been.
For a moment Louis just held her in his hands. Time stood still. Everything muted. The gravity of the moment nearly overwhelmed him. This was the first time he was holding his daughter. Their daughter.
“Hello, Precious,” he whispered. “Hi. I’m your dad.”
The wailing stopped immediately—almost as if someone had flipped a switch.
“There’s my sweet girl. See? It’s not so bad. Let’s go see your papa, yeah?”
Tucking her tightly against his chest he brought her to when Harry was seated. When he moved to hand her over, Harry stopped him.
“You can hold her a bit longer, Lou,” Harry insisted. “She’s just as much yours as mine.”
They traded places, Louis lowering himself to the seat. Wide eyes looked back at him. Louis knew from experience that her vision would be blurred and unfocused, but it still felt as if she was staring into his very soul.
“Can we do skin-to-skin?”
The question was directed at the nurse. A resounding “Of course! We encourage it!” was her reply. She took the baby from Louis for a moment, removing the swaddle while Louis removed his sweatshirt and t-shirt. Once placed on his chest, the nurse draped the blanket over the two of them. Harry watched with watery eyes as Louis cooed at her.
“My precious baby girl. Daddy’s got you. My sweet, sweet angel. I already love you so much.”
“How long before we can take her home?” Harry asked, not quite able to tear his eyes from the sight of his husband and his daughter.
It had been nearly ten minutes, but Harry seemed more than happy to stand there all day.
“I’m sure there’s paperwork and a waiting period—and we probably have to wait for her to be discharged, too, right?” Harry questioned.
Diana grinned wide.
“Mom has already signed over parental rights and the paperwork is ready to go. We just need signatures.”
Louis’ heart stopped.
“The doctor wants to talk to you before she’s comfortable discharging her,” Diana explained, “but you should be able to take her home before the sun’s up.”
“Is everything okay?” Louis asked. “She’s so small.”
“Mom was an IV drug user,” Diana hesitated a moment, “and HIV positive. The doctor cleared her for now, but she’ll still need to be monitored and tested for HIV at—”
“One, three, and six months,” Louis finished the sentence.
“Yes,” Diana continued softly. “I know you said you were willing to take an infant with health or developmental challenges, but—”
“She’s ours,” Louis insisted firmly.
He finally got it. He finally understood how Harry felt when Louis told him.
It didn’t matter.
It would never change how much he loved the tiny human pressed to his heart. Nothing could ever possibly change that. He looked up at his husband and said as much.
“I get it, now.”
It took Harry a moment, but he clued into what Louis meant fairly quickly. He pressed a kiss to the top of Louis’ head and whispered “All in” in response.
As much as he was more than okay not moving for the rest of his life, Louis knew Harry was dying to hold their daughter, too.
“Let’s switch, Baby,” he smiled. “Time for her to meet her papa.”
“Papa.”
“Come on, you,” Louis teased as he stood up. “Shirt off. There’s a baby to hold.”
Harry wasn’t wearing anything under his hoodie, so he stripped quickly. Once he was settled into the chair, Louis placed her onto Harry’s chest. The moment skin touched skin, Harry gasped. Watching his husband become overwhelmed with love for their child had tears springing to Louis’ eyes. He knew exactly what Harry was feeling. He’d felt it too.
“I’d begun to lose hope,” Harry whispered softly with watery eyes. “You were always so sure it would happen for us, though.” Teary green eyes met watery blue. “You kept me going when I just wanted to give up. You never let go of hope. Thank you.”
Louis suppressed a sob. To know that Harry had been relying on his strength and he on Harry’s was a sucker punch to the gut. They’d held each other together and hadn’t even realized it. Louis settled onto the arm of the chair, left arm around his spouse and right hand on their daughter’s back while tears streamed down both of their faces. They stayed like that for ages, just bonding with their new child. It was Louis’ whisper that broke the silence.
“I have the perfect name for her.”