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It was Thursday evening which meant that Sirius was going to Hogwarts for his first Occlumency lesson with Harry. He’d only been back at school for a week but it felt like longer, and the house felt so much emptier, it had been hard to wait until Thursday to rush up there.
His knee bounced and he forced it still. He picked another piece of pasta up with his fork without eating it.
“Sirius,” Remus laughed, “just go.”
“No, I said I’d have dinner with you before -”
“It’s like having dinner with a niffler when a pile of gold is just around the corner.”
Sirius laughed and kissed his husband, making sure to linger and really make the most of it, before straightening his robes and walking to the fireplace. He glanced back before the green flames engulfed him and grinned in triumph at the sight of Remus’ pink face.
He spun around in the fireplace and a few seconds later he was in Minnie’s office. The warm red wallpaper hadn’t changed since the day he’d first stepped into this office some twenty years before.
“Mr Black -”
“Lupin-Black,” Sirius’ grin grew another two sizes. He loved the sound of his new surname.
“Lupin-Black,” Minnie corrected herself with an indulgent smile. “Harry will be along soon. You will use my office for the lesson while I meet with Albus.”
She gave him a stern look over the top of her green glasses.
“Do not, under any circumstances, leave this office. Dolores does not know you are here and if she finds out there will be hell to pay. Frankly, I cannot be bothered to deal with it, so don’t make me.”
Sirius held his hands up in surrender and dropped into the chair he thought of as his. He’d sat in it for long enough over the years to make some type of claim on it, he thought.
“Wouldn’t dream of it.”
“How is your husband?”
Sirius sat up straighter, “perfect, as usual. Moon was last week and he’s doing well. The wolfsbane is a lifesaver, quite literally. Still doesn’t stop the transformations hurting him though.”
Before Minnie could reply there was a knock at the door and Harry poked his head around, grinning when he caught sight of Sirius.
“Mr Potter, your godfather is here for your Occlumency lesson. You have my office for one hour. I have told him this, but I do suspect you are more likely to listen to me than he is, so it bears repeating - you are not to allow Sirius out of this office, nor are you to tell anybody that he is here. Is that clear?”
Harry nodded and they both waved goodbye as Minnie left the room.
“How’s Moony?” Harry dropped inelegantly into the chair next to Sirius’.
“He has empty nest syndrome now you’re gone.” That might have been stretching the truth. In reality, it was him that felt listless with Harry gone. Remus had his work, but Sirius wanted something to do, someone to help. He’d thought about going back to the Aurors but he didn’t want to deal with the drama that came along with his fame. Notoriety , Remus’ voice corrected with a laugh, there’s a difference.
“Ha-ha.” Harry rolled his eyes.
“Right, let’s get started.” Sirius clapped his hands together and stood up, walking around the room as he spoke, “Occlumency is mental magic - it’s going to teach you to know your own mind well enough to block people from it and to protect it. And all that starts with you knowing where your mind starts and begins.”
Sirius took a look at Harry and didn’t like the slack face he saw.
“Think of it this way - your mind is a library and each thought is a book. Now, you have books for when you were a kid, books for school and learning, books for friendships, books for places. You with me?”
Harry nodded, but he still looked sceptical.
“So, you have this library. And Voldemort, he’s trying to get into the library to change things up to make it confusing for you. He’s trying to add in books that were never part of your library in the first place, and he might also try to take some of your books or alter your existing books slightly, just enough so you don’t notice at first.”
“But how is he getting into my mind in the first place?”
“We don’t know for sure, but we think it’s because of the scar. He left a mark of his magic on you when he cursed you and that’s how you’re connected.” The words felt like bile as they passed his lips. He wished so fervently that they weren’t true. He hated the look of resignation on his godson’s face as he nodded and rubbed at his forehead. “But we can help you protect yourself from the connection, okay?”
“Yeah. The library.”
“Right. So if someone’s trying to add books in, or change the ones there, you might not notice until you go to look at those books, then you get a nasty surprise. But, if you have a catalogue of the books in your library and you keep careful track of them then you’ll spot any inconsistencies much more quickly and before they can cause any trouble. In time, you’ll know your library so well that you’ll be able to tell when someone is trying to enter it and you’ll be able to stop them from entering.”
“So I have to know every thought I have? There’s no point in this.” Harry’s green eyes wouldn’t meet Sirius’ when he spoke.
“No, just like you wouldn’t need to know every word on every page of every book in your library. What you do need to know is the different genres of books - that is, the way your thoughts are categorised - and the major thoughts in each of those categories.”
“This is going to take ages! What’s stopping Voldemort using this connection to hurt you guys before I’ve got the hang of this?”
“Nothing. But if you don’t try then that connection could get stronger. If we start now then we can help close it before it hurts you again.”
“It’s not hurting me.” Harry was on his feet now, his eyes blazing. Sirius wanted to reach out, but he knew Harry would turn away from him. “He’s going to use it to hurt you.”
“Oh, Harry.” Sirius couldn’t stop himself from reaching out a hand, and Harry shifted away, but still let the hand fall on his shoulder. “It is hurting you.”
Harry looked away and Sirius let the silence fill in the gaps. This had to be Harry’s choice and he needed to know the truth. He needed to understand what was at stake.
“How do I start?”
Sirius breathed a quiet sigh of relief and flexed his left hand, letting the press of his rings instill a moment of peace in him. They’d work on this, and it would get better.
“Well, what’s your favourite genre of book?”
--
It was Sirius’ third trip up to Hogwarts and they were making progress bit by bit. The first session had been the hardest, with Harry still questioning every step of the process and on the verge of giving up every time he couldn’t keep track of a thought, but they’d gotten through it together. Sirius was surprised at his own patience; it had never been his strong suit.
Revisiting Occlumency wasn’t his favourite thing, either. It had saved his life in Azkaban, but the magic was still synonymous with pureblood culture in his heart, and his own Occlumency lessons had been a lot more invasive than he would ever put Harry through.
“Harry!” Sirius forced the memories from his head as his godson walked into the office. Minnie had already left, claiming she was off to see Albus but Sirius was pretty sure she actually went straight to Poppy Pomfrey. He’d have to get the Map off Harry to be sure, but the faint smell of perfume that lingered on Minnie’s cloak as she came back to her office after an hour gave her away quite convincingly. There was sure to be some salacious story there.
“Hey,” Harry grinned at him, “I think I got the clearing my mind bit down. I’ve had no dreams at all since last week.”
‘That’s great! What worked in the end?”
Harry snorted, “visualising a remembrall filling with red smoke then emptying again.”
Sirius laughed along. He’d been hearing a lot more about Harry’s friends this year and he had a soft spot for Neville. Frank and Alice were great friends of his, and he visited them every time he was at St Mungo’s for therapy. He just knew they’d be bursting with pride at the person Neville was becoming.
“Lost socks?”
“Transfiguration homework,” Harry grimaced, “found it in the end, though - under the Ceropegia under the bed.”
They settled down onto the chairs in Minnie’s office, now permanently transfigured into their favourite type of squashy armchair, and Harry pulled out the notebook Sirius had got him for their lessons.
“How’s the categorisation going?”
“Good.” Harry pointed at his mind map. “I think it’s pretty much done. I’ve been able to block out everything, or just certain memories.”
Sirius beamed, “this is great, Harry. You think you’re ready to try blocking an attack?”
“Yes.” Harry faced him head on with his jaw clenched. He was the very picture of Lily.
“Okay, I’ll just start small.” Sirius lifted his wand and said the spell softly. “ Legilimens.”
And all at once he was simultaneously staring into Harry’s eyes and out of them.
While Harry’s green eyes were all he could see in the real world, his mind swam with colour as Harry’s memories solidified in his mind’s eye. The shape of a classroom was all he could make out at first. Everything was fuzzy and indistinct until suddenly the perspective shifted, like Harry had shot to his feet. A wave of anger that wasn’t his own flowed into Sirius, raw and vital - the kind he knew well - and the colours coalesced into a ball of pink until Umbridge was standing in front of him. Her face was worse than Sirius remembered from the courtroom.
“How's theoretical knowledge going to help us in the real world?” Harry’s voice was loud to Sirius but the Harry in front of him hadn’t moved an inch, nor opened his mouth a fraction.
“What do you think is out there waiting to attack children like yourself? I’d be more worried about the creature you live with than any fantastical enemy you’ve created in your head.”
“Creature? Remus is a better person than you’ll ever be.”
“I do not tolerate being spoken back to in my class, and I certainly do not tolerate being compared to a thing like that.”
“Lupin’s the best teacher we ever had for Defence.” In the corner of his mind Sirius saw Ron stand up, his ginger hair raising a head taller than his godson. The flow of relief he felt at Ron’s loyalty wasn’t solely from Harry.
“How quaint,” Umbirdge simpered, “I’m sure you’ll find the Ministry approved syllabus much better than anything the creature taught you.”
“Stop calling him that!”
“It is my classroom, Mr Potter, and I am obliged to teach my students the difference between people and creatures. Werewolves are dark creatures and are not to be treated any other way.” She smiled, the movement pulling up her round cheeks in a horrifying way, “it’s no wonder you can’t tell the difference when you have a criminal for a guardian.”
The anger coursing through him was dangerous and Sirius’ heart rate spiked. He wasn’t sure he wanted to see the rest of this memory. Hearing Umbridge insult his husband was something he’d resigned himself to, and he’d fight her to the last breath, but he wanted to protect Harry from having to hear those words himself. It wasn’t fair that he dealt with her hatred.
“Sirius is not a criminal.”
“Detention, Mr Potter. I do not tolerate being spoken to like that in my classroom. Tonight, my office. Now - sit down.”
“No.”
“Oh,” Umbridge twirled her wand in her hand and smiled again. “Best you see your Head of House then. And, Mr Potter, I’d advise you don’t return to my classroom until you’re ready to learn.”
Her simpering laugh was the sound equivalent of a stinging hex.
The memory staggered and froze as Harry finally put up his defences and pushed Sirius from his mind. The push was weak and hesitant - they’d need to work on that.
When the memory ended Sirius was still staring into Harry’s eyes.
“We have to get her out of here.”
--
The dark door of the Department of Mysteries swam in his vision before it was replaced with a laughing Ron, then the sight of a snitch just out of reach, then Hermione surrounded by the shining silver of a patronus, then he and Remus standing under their wedding arch with golden light swirling around them, then Cho Chang and mistletoe -
Sirius broke eye contact with Harry before that particular memory had the chance to start; he didn’t need to get into Harry’s head like that. His stomach churned at the images he’d seen as it was. Five weeks into their lessons and Harry still wasn’t able to keep him out of his head.
“This isn’t working.” Harry looked winded, his hair ruffled and eyes shifting around the room. Sirius felt his own frustration bubble up - sure, Harry was able to stop him seeing full memories now, but the flashes of multiple different memories were almost worse.
“We need to keep trying,” Sirius was desperate to make this easier for his godson, but there wasn’t a better way to learn than to just keep trying. His own lessons had started at five years old and lasted all the way up to the day he ran away. Even James had taken Occlumency lessons. It was just a pureblood thing. “Especially if the dreams have started again.”
“They haven’t.”
“You’re not a good liar, Harry, so don’t try that. I literally just saw the dream from your own head.”
“Well it only happens sometimes.”
“The days you forget to empty your mind before sleeping?” Sirius sat back down on his plush armchair and tried to wipe the annoyance from his face and voice. He focused on the piles of parchment on Minnie’s desk instead and tried to remember what it had been like to be fifteen and all the pressure that came with it. “Harry, is everything okay?”
Harry didn’t answer, but he flopped down onto his armchair and stared at the door with his jaw clenched shut. The lack of answer was better than the snapped reply Sirius had expected. Harry was a different boy to the one they’d said goodbye to in January - something was going on at school, something worse than Umbridge and the dreams.
Sirius had questions on the tip of his tongue but just as he was about to prompt his godson again he remembered something Remus had said to him before, ‘We just need to give him the space to come to us - and he will. He already has. You have to remember the childhood he’s had.’
Listening to Remus wasn’t usually so hard.
--
“Hey, Sirius?”
Harry was oddly happy at the end of their session, usually he was tired and irritable after the gruelling hour of mental exercise, but today he was checking the clock and spinning a galleon around in his hand compulsively. Sirius loved seeing him like this, with no pressure weighing down his too-thin shoulders, and he felt his own mood pick up in response. It had been a good session, with Harry being able to stop him seeing all but one memory.
“Mmm?”
“Do you want to come to the DA meeting we have tonight?” Harry grinned like he knew Sirius wouldn’t be able to say no to that. He’d been asking after the DA ever since he’d first heard about it.
“Yes!”
Harry laughed and threw James’ invisibility cloak over his head, and wow - Sirius had missed this. Sneaking through the castle under the cloak, trying not to snigger at people as they passed, with his favourite people around him.
He muffled his footsteps with a quick charm and stuck close by Harry’s side as they walked through the corridor, skirting around the evening rush at the library. Students gave Harry a wide berth, some even muttering under their breath as they passed, but Harry paid them no attention.
They continued walking until they reached the stretch of wall that Sirius would be able to find with his eyes shut. The Room of Requirement. He and Remus used to visit this place as often as they could. It was where they’d first said ‘ I love you’ , where they’d whispered commitments to each other, commitments they’d kept ever since.
But, as the door appeared and they stepped into the room, it couldn’t have looked more different to Sirius’ memory.
The room was huge, with high ceilings and large open floors, and it was absolutely packed with students. They all stood around in small groups evidently waiting for something - or someone. As Harry walked into the room the chatter ceased and they all turned to him as one, eyes shining with excitement. Ron and Hermione were the only ones to step forward towards them.
“Hey guys,” Harry let his voice carry to the whole room but he only looked his best friends in the eyes. “I have a surprise.”
“He said yes?” Hermione’s eyes were roaming the air beside Harry and she bounced on the balls of her feet a little.
Harry nodded and smirked, which Sirius took as his cue to take off the cloak. He uncovered his face and left the cloak over his shoulders.
“Boo.”
He hadn’t meant to scare the students, but for the laughter on Harry’s face he would do it again in a heartbeat. The looks on the students’ faces weren’t bad either. It was a mixture of fear and awe, and sometimes both, that graced the majority of faces. Only the students he knew were grinning.
“Everyone, this is my godfather,” Harry tugged at the invisibility cloak until Sirius let it go, leaving him stood in his casual robes. “Sirius Black.”
“Lupin.”
“Where’s Lupin?” A tall student Sirius hadn’t met before piped up and looked around the room in excitement, like Remus was going to appear under another cloak any second.
“No, no - it’s Sirius Lupin-Black.”
“You’re married to Professor Lupin?” Another student said, and did Sirius detect a note of disappointment? “That’s so cool.”
“So he isn’t single anymore?”
“Is he here too?”
“Can he come teach us again?”
Sirius locked eyes with Harry and they both burst out laughing. Hearing how much Hogwarts loved Professor Lupin was just about the best thing ever, even if it did mean his own reputation might be overlooked.
“Sorry to disappoint, but he’s at home.” When Sirius spoke the chatter died down instantly and the wary eyes were back on him, “I just popped by to see Harry and he asked if I wanted to see what you guys were up to.”
“Is it true you’re an animagus?”
“How did you escape Azkaban?”
“Is your whole family really all Death Eaters?”
“Woah, woah, woah - one at a time.” Sirius plopped down on a cushion which had conveniently appeared on the floor next to him. “Yes, I’m an animagus. I was able to escape Azkaban because I knew I was innocent. Plus, being a dog helped. And it depends which family you’re talking about. My blood relatives - sure, yes most of them were. My actual family? No.”
“Can you show us your animagus form?”
“Sure -” Sirius was transformed before Harry could tell him no, and he used that to his advantage by immediately jumping up on his godson and barking in his face.
“Padfoot!”
Sirius transformed back and was immediately pushed onto his cushion by Harry.
“Cool.”
“Can you teach us how to do that?”
“You’re actually really cute as a dog!”
Hermione cleared her throat before any other brave student dared call him cute. “I thought you could help review our patronuses?”
Sirius jumped to his feet and agreed at once. A group of teenagers being able to cast corporeal patronuses was pretty incredible. He was so, so unbelievably proud of Harry for getting them to this point. And, as he walked around the room and saw Ron produce a terrier, Ginny a horse, Fred and George a pair of magpies, Hermione an otter, and finally - Harry at the centre of it all with Prongs standing by his side with pride - he was overcome with happiness. He donned his own wand and cast silently.
Padfoot leapt forth from his wand, as bright and silver as the first day Sirius had seen him, and threw his head back in a heavenly howl. The other patronuses in the room faded as the students lost concentration to watch Padfoot, brighter now than any of their attempts, lope around the room side by side with Prongs. They shone so brightly it was hard to look at them. Brothers, reunited. Godfather and godson. Family.
--
Hagrid’s form appeared in the small doorway, backlit by the brilliant storm outside, and Harry’s eyes seemed to shake in time with the small room. A pink umbrella was raised and pointed and a flash of lightning obscured everything in sight - pure white was blinding, bright green was grounding - and faded into the darkness of the Department of Mysteries. A voice, high and cold and cruel, whispered across the expanse of the corridor and invaded two minds at once.
Come, come and take what’s yours, Harry Potter. The truth awaits.
Harry twitched, his eyes making an aborted movement to blink before they glossed over. Sirius jumped forward in time to stop him falling to the floor.
He pulled out his wand and Padfoot appeared before him, silvery white and standing to attention.
“Get Minnie!”
She rushed in minutes later with Poppy Pomfrey hot on her heels and Sirius spent the rest of the hour helpless as they carted Harry off to the hospital wing while he had to stay where he was, alone in the office.
--
“Hey, Moony?”
They were sitting in Harry’s nightmare; cold floors creeping into their legs and the dark wood door pressing into their backs, splintering their reality.
“Yeah?”
“What do you think it would have been like if none of this had happened?” Sirius let his head fall onto his husband’s shoulder and stared, gaze never straying, down the long corridor. He didn’t have to explain what he meant.
“Is now the time to be maudlin, Siri?”
“Yes. I gave up my honeymoon to be sat here, so I’ll be as damn maudlin as I like. Now answer the question - we’d be good, right?”
“Don’t be stupid Pads, of course we’d be good.” Remus’ sigh ruffled the hair on Sirius’ head, “we’d have been so stupidly happy. Obnoxious, really.”
“What do you reckon we’d be doing right now?”
“Well...probably sitting around being maudlin, just with James and Lily there too. Maybe we’d both be missing our kids off at school.”
“Yeah?” Sirius shuffled closer and it took everything he had not to close his eyes and let Remus’ voice calm his every worry.
“Yeah. We’d have a little boy too, a few years younger than Harry - we’re more responsible than James and Lily ever were, we’d have waited.”
“Harry would be the best big brother ever. They’d get in so much trouble.”
“I know,” Remus snorted, “Minerva would hate the lot of us.”
Remus sighed again and fell silent. They sat together, side by side like they always were these days, and kept quiet as the creaks of the old building filtered down to them.
“What else?”
“You and James would still be Aurors. He’d be Head Auror, but just because you insulted the old Head before they could offer you the job. You’d come home all bruised every day just to make me worried. And I’d still be teaching, or maybe I’d do what I do now. Lily would be a potions master.”
“She’d have helped invent wolfsbane, and probably made it even better.”
“Yeah,” Remus bumped their shoulders together, “maybe I’d be her assistant.”
“Glamorous assistant.”
“Well I would be if you spoiled me as much as you do now.”
“You found the other robes?” Sirius grinned.
“Yes, Sirius. I found the other robes.” They laughed. What did it matter what Sirius spent their money on when they had this. “You’d badger me every few months for another kid.”
“What would you say?”
“Maybe when everything calms down.”
And they weren’t talking about their non-existent past anymore. The cold floor was warmed by their bodies, and the splintering door was forgotten. The prophecy was still inside the department, unbothered by anyone or anything for a few quiet moments.
--
“ Legilimens.”
Sirius stared into Harry’s eyes and saw nothing but his green eyes and black eyelashes. His mind had none of Harry’s memories running through it. Harry had done it.
“You did it!” Sirius whooped and pulled Harry close to him, ruffling his hair and squeezing his shoulders tight. Something that had been wrapped around his heart loosened - it would be okay if Harry could keep this up. It would be good. “I’m so proud of you.”
Harry grinned back, triumphant.
“Do it again.”
“Legilimens,” Sirius put more power behind the spell this time but still not a flicker of Harry’s mind settled in his own.
“Again!”
Sirius laughed and did as he was told, making the spell even stronger, “legilimens!”
Harry laughed, “this is even better than when I got my patronus for the first time! I thought that time was just because Remus was such a good teacher.”
“I feel like I should be insulted,” Sirius did feel a little twinge at that. He thought he’d done a great job teaching Harry. “Have I not been a good teacher?”
“No - I mean, yes! Yes, you’ve been great. It’s just…” Sirius raised his eyebrow. “You know?”
“Know what?”
“Well, it’s just - you’re you? You wear leather jackets and have tattoos and you ride a flying motorbike. You don’t take anything that seriously, I guess I didn’t expect you to be as good a teacher.”
Sirius pointed a finger at his godson, “you don’t need to wear old sweater vests to be a good teacher Prongslet. And I take my family very seriously, thank you.”
“I know, I know. Sorry.”
“Nothing to be sorry for.” Sirius ruffled Harry’s hair before snorting, “‘sides, Remus has tattoos too.”
The look on Harry’s face was priceless - a mix of dubious curiosity and reluctance to believe what seemed like such a blatant lie.
“Really?”
“Yup! We have matching tattoos, you want to see?”
“Depends where it is.” Harry sounded as reluctant as James and Lily had been to hear of his and Remus’ teenage tattoo phase.
“The first one’s on my shoulder, here look.”
He shrugged his left arm out of his jacket and pulled his shirt down just far enough that the black ink became visible. Two hands clasped together, one scarred, one with a cigarette dangling from the elegant fingers. The smoke curled artfully up and around, still dancing softly even seventeen years on.
“We thought we were edgy when we were seventeen,” Sirius trailed a finger over the tattoo and his smile became wistful. In many ways he wished he were still that boy whose daily joy was holding hands with Remus and smoking in the cold Scottish air.
“How many do you have?”
“Tattoos? Too many to count. Remus and I have four matching ones though.” Sirius pulled his jacket back up and his fingers itched for a cigarette in a way they hadn’t for years. “Might try to tempt him to get a fifth.”
“What would you get?”
“Not sure, his turn to decide.”
Harry rolled his eyes and shouldered his bag, but before he could start towards the door Sirius jumped - he had something to pass on.
“Wait, Harry!” He took the shrunken paper package from his pocket and pressed it into Harry’s hands. It was ominously hot to the touch. “Give this to Fred and George would you?”
“What is it?” Harry lifted a corner of the paper and grinned, “brilliant.”
“Molly wouldn’t let them keep them in the house, so I took them. Apparently they have quite the show planned.” Sirius tapped the side of his nose, “but you didn’t hear that from me.”
“My lips are sealed,” Harry tucked the fireworks into his pocket and waved as he walked out of the office door.
--
The news of Dumbledore being removed as Headmaster was a shock to the system and Sirius still didn’t believe it fully.
“Okay, let me get this right - Dumbledore has been made to resign because Harry’s after school club was found out about?”
Kingsley shook his head at the same time he hummed his confirmation.
“And how are those two things related?”
“It was called the DA -”
“The Defense Association!”
“The Malfoy boy told Umbridge it stood for Dumbledore’s Army.”
“What the fuck.” Remus put his head in his hands.
“So, Kingsley - I assume Umbridge took this lie and ran with it?”
“She went straight to the Minister who signed the warrant for Dumbledore’s removal. Came straight here from his office.”
“And where is he? He didn’t just go did he?”
Kingsley laughed, “oh no. He grabbed his phoenix and they literally burst out of there in a blaze of glory. Pretty spectacular.”
“Great,” Sirius leant back in his chair and let it balance on the back legs as he ran his hands down his face. This was the absolute last thing any of them needed. With Dumbledore forced into hiding, Umbridge taking over the school, and Harry now listless without the DA, things were bound to go from bad to worse. He didn’t want to know how Harry was coping with this.
“How’s Harry? Did you see him?” Remus asked, reading his mind. Sirius could tell he was fighting to remain calm when he heard the faintest of tremors in his voice.
“Didn’t see him, I’m sorry.” Kingsley said. “Although Umbridge did seem pretty happy with herself, so she’s likely got them all in detention.”
“Harry won’t even tell me what she makes them do.”
“Well I doubt it’s as simple as writing lines.” Kingsley grimaced and stood from the table. “Sorry to rush off, but I need to report back in.”
Remus stood up too, and shook Kingsley’s hand, clapping him on the shoulder as he walked past them to the fireplace.
“Thanks Kingsley,” Sirius shouted at his retreating back. The whoosh of the floo marked his goodbye. Sirius’ chair made a sharp smack as it landed back on all fours. “What are we going to do?”
Remus sat down heavily in the chair next to him. His head fell onto Sirius’ shoulder and his whole body seemed to sag with it.
“Cry, I suppose.” Remus said, Sirius breathed out a sharp laugh, “and write Minerva a letter.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
--
Sirius went up to the castle the next day even though he’d only been up to see Harry two days before. Harry was already in the office waiting for him when he stepped out of the fireplace, looking forlorn as he sat with his shoulders hunched and his jumper sleeves pulled over his hands.
“Hey,” Sirius said, pitching his voice low. “I heard what happened.”
“Yeah.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“Not really.”
“Want to duel?” It was what he and James had done when they didn’t want to talk about their feelings, and Sirius didn’t know what else he could offer.
Harry shook his head no.
“Want to talk to your therapist?”
Another shake of his head.
Sirius bit his lip and shuffled forward awkwardly. He wanted to hug his godson, but Harry was still sitting in his odd hunched way and he looked like any touch might make him spook.
“Can we go home?” Harry turned his face towards him for the first time, and Sirius saw how bloodshot his eyes were and his heartstrings twanged. “See Moony?”
“Yeah, Prongslet. Course.” He wasn’t supposed to leave this office, not under any circumstances, but how was he supposed to say no to that? Harry rarely asked for anything he wanted unless he really needed it. Plus, Moony had always cheered Sirius up when he was down, so he was sure going home would work.
They stepped through the fireplace and in a few dizzying seconds were walking back into their kitchen. Sirius let his hand rest on Harry’s shoulder and he felt the tension bleed out of him as they stepped onto the marble floor.
“Pads, is that you? I thought you’d be longer, how’s Harry, he’s okay isn’t he?” Remus’ footsteps rushed from the living room in a quick beat and he appeared in the kitchen in just a few seconds. He stepped forward with his arms outstretched as soon as he saw Harry, “oh, sweetheart.”
“He wanted to come home, just for a little bit.” Sirius met Remus’ eyes over the top of Harry’s head and the love and worry that passed through them both was enough to bowl him over. Harry was actually clinging to Remus now, like he hadn’t done since those days after the third task.
“Binky,” the elf cracked into space in front of them, “can you get Harry some hot chocolate and treacle tart please?”
“Of course Master Sirius!” Binky’s little elf voice was high pitched and grating, “is Sirs wanting anything?”
“No thank you, Binky.” Remus said, and Sirius just shook his head. Binky cracked out of existence.
“C’mon Prongslet, let’s sit in the living room.”
Even just being in their favourite room seemed to shake Harry out of himself a little, and he settled into his spot with a sheepish smile. The fire didn’t need to be on in the late spring warmth, but Remus lit it anyway. The flickering glow of the flames was even more hypnotic than the smell of the baking treacle tart in the kitchens and they were quiet for a minute as the moment washed over them.
“We had a bit of a drama the other day -” Sirius began, but Remus interrupted him before he could get any further, slapping his arm but shuffling closer on their sofa.
“He doesn’t need to hear this Pads.”
“Yes I do, what happened?” And just like that they had Harry’s attention; he was no longer stuck in his own head but dragged into their fake adventures. This was something he and Remus were good at. They could make up a story on the spot and have a whole room on their edge of their seats without even breaking a sweat.
“Okay, so it all started when…”
Harry was smiling by the end of the hour, and Sirius dropped him back to Hogwarts with a fuller, warmer heart.
--
“So there we were, trying to finish our O.W.L paper and the entire hall just, just - exploded! The fireworks literally chased Umbridge out of the hall!”
“And what did Minnie say?”
“Nothing! That was the best bit - she just watched it all happen and didn’t say a thing, even though she knew Fred and George were behind it.”
“God, I love her.” Sirius laughed; hearing Harry’s version of Fred and George’s pranks against Umbridge was even better than the letter the twins had sent him the day before. It was like being at school again himself, laughing with James in Minnie’s office while they were supposed to be working or serving detention.
“And they still haven’t gotten rid of the swamp? Not even a little bit?”
“Nope - Filch is having to row people across it, it’s the best thing ever.” Harry grinned, “did you help with it?”
“No! Fred and George are, and I don’t say this lightly, even more genius at pranks than I could ever dream of being. Your Triwizard earnings are going to quadruple in a year with them.”
“Hope so.” Harry laughed and spun his wand around in his hand, “anyway, back to it?”
“Sure.” Sirius waved his hand languidly through the air. “ Legilimens. ”
“ Protego!”
Harry’s spell caught Sirius off guard and before he could even think to snap his mental shields down images were flitting through his mind without his accord, and he saw Harry’s eyes widen in shock at what was happening.
Sirius and James in this very office serving detention but really just having a laugh, just like he’d been picturing before; teaching the DA alongside Harry with patronuses swirling around them; the Room of Requirement twisting and turning until it was smaller and candlelit and he and Remus were the only people there, squished together on a piano stool with their hands interlocked; he and Remus squished together and holding hands in the corridor as they spoke about what could have been.
No.
No, no, no, no, no -
Harry’s eyes were no longer widened in surprise but in anger, in fear.
Sirius closed his mind off, but too late. The dark corridor was lingering in both their minds.
“Harry -”
“You’ve been there?” Sirius’ heart broke at Harry’s words. He knew his godson wanted so desperately for him to say no, to laugh it off and say they’d never been to the Department of Mysteries, that they were just waiting around in the Ministry for Kingsley to get off work, but when Sirius opened his mouth he couldn’t get the words out.
He couldn’t lie.
Not to Harry, not anymore.
“Yes.”
“Why?” Harry’s gaze was burning in its intensity, but his voice was tight and guarded.
“To guard something Voldemort wants, you know that.”
“It has to do with me?”
“...yes.” Sirius sighed and rubbed at his jaw. The stubble he’d forgotten to shave was itchy.
“Okay.” Harry picked up his bag, “I’ve gotta go.”
“Harry, wait!” But it was too late. Harry was gone.