Chapter Text
“Do you think hell is real?”
You blinked, eyes fluttering open when you heard those familiar gloom in his tone. On your lap right now, laid his head as he faced upwards, looking at you who slowly gathered your consciousness. “It’s where I promised Eren to meet him before.”
“Armin,”
The sun was shining on some parts of his face, and despite how all these years he slowly gathered wrinkles and fine lines, he was still the most beautiful man you had ever seen. You closed the book on your right hand before pushing the bangs away from his eyes. “I think so. If there is heaven, there would be hell, right?”
You sat there, on the same nook by the window that you and him built. A safe space where you two would spend the rest of the day alone. No words were needed to be shared as the comfortable silence was enough to present the grandiose love that was emitted from each other.
The safe space you found after war. After years of torment fighting in and outside the walls. You could finally come back to the place where it first started. Your childhood hometown, Shiganshina, the same town where you first met him. Armin Arlert.
From the boy who could only dream about the world out there, to the man who sought peace and lived his dream.
How many decades has it been? You couldn’t count anymore. Or at least, your mind was too tired to ever think about anything else and just focused on his existence instead. Your fingers still lingered on his face, tracing all the fine lines that your eyes were able to catch. He felt so warm, something that you hadn’t felt for far too long.
“Then after that?”
“After what, my love?”
“After hell? What will become of us?”
You didn’t give the response right away, pondering about it too because in this hellish world, you never think too much about what happened afterwards. There were sinners, and there were also saints. That was what you believed before.
However, after witnessing all the good and bad in this world, you realise no man had ever truly fallen into one category. At certain points in life, they could be a saint. But as time went by, certain events would push them to sin.
Just like how for the first few years in your life, you thought Eldian inside these walls were the only surviving human left. Only to find out it was the whole world trying to punish you guys island devils to your demise. Wanting to eradicate another human being, the Eldian in Paradis, those who could turn into titans.
That was when everything changed. All you believed, the words your parents taught you, vanished into thin air as the truth revealed in front of your eyes.
No longer you could justify the blood that was spilt. It was tainted before long as you became one of the top soldiers and killed titans that were sent from Marley.
Then, your race had wiped out eighty percent of the rest of humanity outside the wall. You were not the one who did it, your childhood friend did, but you knew you carried the same sin with him, along with Armin and everyone else on this island.
“Honestly, I am not sure, ‘min.” Your eyes softened when you saw this small pout forming on his face. “But maybe, after we had atone our sins and received our punishment in hell, we can also go to heaven.”
“Heaven,” You nodded before letting out a small chuckle when he took your hand that was on his cheek. “What do you think heaven looks like then?”
“What do I think? Hm…” Trailing off, you casted your gaze to the room where you were right now. “Maybe just like this. A small, comfortable house. With tea and coffee scents mixed into one. Your favourite and mine,”
You looked at the two mugs on the kitchen counter, two sets of plates and bowls — everything was two in this house that you shared with him. There were six seats on the dining table, however, and you smiled at it when you remembered who would sit there alongside you two every now and then.
“It was just like we have been dreaming of, yes?”
“Exactly.”
When you two were young, the only thing you wanted to do was to explore the world out there with him. But after everything, you realised nothing beats the feeling of home. After all those hardships, years spent away to make peace with the rest of humanity and tell them your stories, the best place was still here.
With him in your arms, those ocean orbs gazing at you with so much adoration and gratefulness. “Why are you looking at me like that, sweetheart?”
“Why are you looking at me like that, hm?”
This was the one you sought for by the end of the day. This was your home.
“Sometimes, I just couldn’t believe it in my head that we would be here.” He slowly sat up, taking your hand to his lap now. “This feels like a distant dream.”
“It’s not.” More than half a century, “Believe me. No matter how many years, no matter how many lifetimes I will be born into a brand new world — you will always be the one my heart is calling for, Armin Arlert.” Your love never stopped blooming.
“I was rarely there when we were young, though.” He let out a long sigh, “I am always away. With meetings, going to another established country.” The weariness was still visible on his eyes even until now. “Being a Commander is hard, and I shouldn’t have allowed you to wait for me. Letting you waste—”
“Armin,” Your voice was stern as you cut him off. Even after so many years taking your last name and changing it into his, he still had this crazy what if in his head. “Even if I have to wait for you to finish your duty for half of my life, I will.”
His pupils dilated slightly before it instantly softened as tears were pricking at the corner of his eyes. “That’s what I promised you, remember?”
“F-From back there after the Battle of Heaven and Earth.”
“Even way before that.”
You scooted closer, thighs pressing against his as your wrinkled fingers caressed his cheeks. “I will always wait for you. And whenever I could, I would never even leave your side.” Gazing at him with eyes filled with devotion, never changed since God knows when. “Not when you have always been my home.”
Two days from now would be the day. The day that some of the Survey Corps were dreading off because they knew another blood would be spilt on their hands, while some couldn’t wait to avenge their fallen comrades, repeating the cycle of war itself.
Liberio, a city across the sea where Eldian in Marley lived. That place would turn into a red ocean in a few hours from now.
Your eyes overlooking the ocean in front of you, remembering the time when you thought the enemy was the titan that wanted to eradicate humanity. When you first felt the sand on your feet, it was so blissful, and you wondered whether the rest of the world would have the same terrain just like this island, or whether the sea would only be met by a cliff.
Three years had passed since then. And now you stand on top of a wooden pier, waiting for the ship to Marley to arrive, sending you to the battlefield alongside your friends.
What was Eren thinking? The question remained unanswered, and no one had the capability to clear your thoughts. Not even Armin could understand his best friend at this point. The same goes for you and Mikasa who had been there even before the fall of wall Maria.
Talk about Armin, you hadn’t seen him around ever since Commander Hange dismissed everyone at the last meeting this morning.
You thought he would at least be here, maybe giving you one last farewell because no one knew what would happen after Eren declared the war. He would come last, becoming a nuclear bomb that would wipe out half the population of Liberio. While waiting for him, well, you would already engage with the enemies.
Another human, just like you. And the thought made you shudder.
Someone rested their hand on your shoulder, and before you could look behind you, the familiar warmth was enough to let you know who it was. Just like that, the guilt that slowly crept into your mind slowly dissipated. Alongside the fear of not being able to see him again.
“Armin,” You composed yourself, trying not to look vulnerable because everyone knew you as a soldier who never deterred. Including him. “I thought you were busy with the Commander.” But whenever you were around him, those shields slowly cracked.
“I was.” He was your dearest friend, someone who shared the mutual love for books. The one who introduced you to Eren and Mikasa about a year after befriending him. “I ran here when a soldier reported to Hange that the ship is docked.”
As he stopped talking, you realised now that his breath was slightly heavier. A small chuckle slipped from your lips at that and your hand subconsciously found his. “A-Are you ready for the raid?”
“Of course.” Not really, but perhaps he could see right through you with the way he squeezed your hand. “You will be there too by the end of it, right?” He nodded, and you could see a sliver of sorrow. Just a sliver, yes. As time went by, he improved a lot when it came to concealing his feelings.
“I will be there to—” he trailed off, shaking his head as his bangs bounced. “I will be there to provide backup.”
You had a feeling what he was going to talk about. This would be the first time he ever transformed into a Colossal Titan, and you hoped it could be perhaps the last because the thought of harming others was enough to elicit the solemn look on his face. And you hated to see him like this.
“Good,”
“So you better hold on.” The sadness that lingered there was suddenly gone. “You better hold on and wait for me to end the raid, understand?” Replaced with this fiery flame that you were unsure where it came from. “Just run if you think it’s too much. No one will notice.”
“I know, but I wouldn’t.” None of you moved away despite the call from another soldier, telling you that it was time. “I will keep on fighting, just like we always do.”
“Yes, and one day, when we finished our duty—”
“—we will explore the world together.”
The sun was setting, one by one, the Survey Corps walked past you to get on board. But you stayed there, feeling his hand that was now much warmer after he inherited the power of titan. You smiled at him, wanting to stretch every second that went by.
Sooner or later though, you knew you had to let go. “Armin, I will be going now.”
“Wait for me,” He whispered your name, so soft that it sounded like a plea. “D-Don’t die, okay? Wait for me to take you home.”
Another announcement, perhaps the last call. And yet, all you could think of was to disperse the storm that was now residing in his head. That distress look would gnaw at his mind for long if you didn’t do anything. You decided to let go of his hand, earning a surprise look from him. Before he could utter any syllable, you pulled him into a tight hug, burying your face on his shoulder as you took a deep breath there.
For years, you never told him about your feelings. About how the budding friendship that you had for him had bloomed into something else entirely. You hid it well, much better than Mikasa could ever do towards a certain brunette. So much better that even Armin himself who usually could connect the dots never think twice of your affections.
“I will.” And this moment almost pushed you to reveal it all. “I will be waiting for you, ‘min.” Almost. “Since you are my home.”
“I am your—”
“I will see you!” You chirped back, squeezing his body that suffocated him more. A small grin plastered on your face, and you only gave him a salute the moment you lean away. “Don’t miss me too much,” As if you didn’t when he was out of your sight for more than an hour.
He stood there with his lips parted, cheeks adorned with this pinkish hue, but with how the sun was hitting him, you didn’t think too much about it. You only chuckled before turning around, placing your palm in front of your chest as you felt how fast your heart was beating. It was bound to happen. “I will be waiting for real, ‘min.”
“I used to be such a stupid mess, huh?”
“My stupid mess, yes.”
“I didn’t even realise that you have been i-in love with me.”
You snorted at the way he stuttered, still bashful even though you had spent more than half a decade with him. His lips that were shaped into a frown before had turned into a smile now, and you couldn’t help but coo at the fact that some things were never truly changed.
“I love you, Armin Arlert.” Regardless of how times went by, “You know that, right?” Regardless of the distance that separated the two of you before,
“Of course.” This home, “I love you too, my dearest.” it would never wither.
He softly kissed your palm, an act that still made you feel giddy up until now. You never forgot how it felt, to have him near, it made you feel so whole. And after feeling so alone for the last ten years, you were now embracing this warmth all over again. “It has been so long, I have missed you so much.”
“I missed you too, my dear.” The warmth that only him could ever give. “I am sorry it took me so long.”
“No, no.” He shook his head, pinching your cheek lightly when he saw the small pout on your face. “Don’t be sorry, sweetheart.” His hand rested on the back of your head, pulling you closer to him as he gently planted a kiss on your forehead. “You don’t feel any pain, right?”
How could you when you were finally in your rightful place once again? You were still unsure where you were right now. But with him being here, with your loved one that you thought would never be able to see again, pampering you with kisses — it didn’t matter where you stumbled in after you took your last breath.
They could call this the afterlife, heaven, or maybe even hell.
What mattered was his existence by your side.
“No, don’t worry. Everything happened so fast, and I— I found you here.” As you looked up, your eyes watered when you saw how the fine lines that were predominating his face had left his skin. “I am sorry for keeping you waiting.”
“You always waited for me,” It was as if he was back to the Armin that ended the Rumbling. “It’s only fair, and the only right thing to do the same.” The Armin you kept staring at as he danced with you at the wedding.
He was the one who captured your lips after the two of you shared the vows, the man who rocked your little twins when they cried so late in the night. It had been so long since the last time you saw him like this, only through some photographs that you placed in the living room. You couldn’t believe he was here once again,
Just like how he couldn’t believe he opened his eyes that moment and found himself resting his head on your lap. “Welcome home, sweetheart.”
The dam had finally broken. You practically threw yourself at him as your sobs resonated throughout the room. The last time you saw him, he was writing his journal that he wrote after he retired from the military. His back hunched over, eyes already a bit red, but he continued anyway despite you begging for him to sleep.
Perhaps he could feel it. That day would be the last day he breathed air on earth, and he wanted to leave more remnants of his existence. He wrote like he was running out of time, hands shaking that you had to drag him towards your bed when the clock struck midnight.
He didn’t close his eyes that night as he only gazed at you, trying to remember every detail on your face, fingers mapping back your skin, careful to not wake you up.
“I will be waiting for you, my love.”
And that was the last thing he said before he fell into a deep sleep, never once able to wake up beside you again.
He could feel the anguish, he could hear you scream as you shook his lifeless body, hoping he would open up his eyes. It was a torture that he had to endure. Every day, for the last ten years. That was his hell. To see your eyes getting dimmed each day, the kids trying to cheer you up but to no avail. Your smile left the second they were gone from your sight.
“I am home, ‘min.”
But it was all in the past. He could cradle your cheek like how he always did, he could kiss your lips as much as he wanted, reading hundreds of books in this comfortable nook. You nudge your nose against his, lashes fluttering as you lock your gaze with his. The youth slowly came back to him, and from his ocean eyes, you could see your own reflection. It was you in your prime too.
You wanted to ask him about his question from before. Why he asked you about hell and heaven, whether he already met Eren and fulfilled the promise, there were so many things that you wanted to know. But, time was no longer your enemy.
And maybe, it would be answered much sooner than you expected.
There were knocks on the door, one that made you whine and elicit a laugh from your husband. You wondered what it was all about as you only stared at him with confusion written in your eyes.
“What is that?”
“Want to do the honour by opening the door?”
You blinked, so adorable when you tilted your head to the side. At the sight, he just wanted to kiss you silly, but you already left his side and timidly walked towards the front door. You would often look at him, still debating whether you should be the one who opened it. Would it be angels? Perhaps even devils? Or another entity entirely. Would it scare you?
The questions were answered right away the second you unlocked the door.
Your pupils dilated at the sight in front of you. No, it wasn’t because of how beautiful the scenery was or how the weather was perfect for a picnic outside.
You just didn’t expect to meet someone else here. To see them standing right in front of you. The people who were gone too soon. Those striking emerald orbs, which were now no longer filled with solemnity and regret. And another familiar figure just right by his side, with her black hair tied into a ponytail, giving you a smile that matched the sun.
Your vision blurred all over again, and if it wasn’t because of Armin who caught up to you and stood by your side, you would have collapsed.
“Eren…?” You were still trying to understand what this place was. Whether it was heaven, hell, or perhaps something in between. “M-Mikasa?”
When you took your last breath, you thought you would see red when you opened up your eyes. You thought you would see the devils who would take care of you, punishing you for all of the sins that you had done before. But you only met with a pair of ocean eyes.
And even though you were unsure of where it was, you knew you would want to stay here forever if God allowed.
“Long time no see, Mrs Arlert.”
In this place where there were no right or wrong, no sinners or saints.
Only souls — who finally reached the end of their journey.
“Can we two come in?”