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It had taken Amelia a few months before she’d spotted the first signs. The longing looks behind art books, the coy glances as they brushed their fingers along her jawline as if inspecting her down to the very fibre of her being. She’d found it overwhelmingly cute, how they’d catch themselves and pull themselves away in the heat of the moment.
There was one thing she’d never planned for and it had been dating two artists. She’d never been the artistic type in the way of pen and paper. Had found her creativity in the way she could bend science and maths to her will. Behind the many games she’d play in her spare time from her coursework, or the theories she’d held when it came to her forensics classes.
But, they’d been special to her.
Special in a way that she still couldn’t put into words. Special in the way that left her speechless every time they’d curl up beside her, or how they’d find joy in kissing her
whenever they had the opportunity.
She’d fallen in love with Ina first.
Ina, who she’d known since high school. Ina who had been her high school sweetheart and who she’d found herself growing alongside into the people they were. Felt the pain of different universities like a pang in her stomach, at first, but found peace in the simplicity that came with new routines and new schedules to follow. It hadn’t taken long for Ina to introduce her to Mumei.
Mumei, who seemed shy at first, who held herself a little cautiously when they first met. Mumei with bright golden eyes that seemed to shine line amber in the sun's warmth. She’d left Amelia speechless. It was later that Amelia had realised there was a mutual feeling between her girlfriend and her when it came to how quickly Mumei had carved a space in their hearts.
As if she’d always belonged there.
Suddenly, the small apartment that barely fit her and her housemate became a temporary second home for Mumei and Ina as well as their own partner. But no one had seemed to raise a concern. They had all blended in so perfectly.
They’d asked Mumei together. Hand in hand as they sat with her by the place they’d visited so many times as a trio. Bathed in the last glows of the sun as it descended into the shadows of the evening with nothing but themselves and the horizon. The world a beautiful blend of oranges and golds and for a moment, as Amelia felt her heart in her throat, she had wondered how she was ever lucky enough to be able to say that both of them were hers.
It’d been three years since she’d asked.
Three years and she’d found herself still locked away inside a tiny apartment with an ever growing pile of books. Exhaled in annoyance before she closed it with a thud that seemed to echo too loudly in her ears. Groaned at the way it seemed to rattle in her skull, looked to her side to see Mumei tucked comfortably against the corner of the couch. Head tilted with a focus that Amelia instantly recognised as her artist face. It was similar to how she’d find Ina.
When either of them were at work it was like the rest of the world didn’t exist.
Slipped from her desk to make her way over to Mumei on light feet. Restrained herself from crashing down into the empty space beside her and instead cautiously began to settle herself against her. Wasn’t sure if Mumei was okay with the addition of a person at her side. After all, she’d learnt rather quickly that artists didn’t always want other people to see what they were working on or to distract them when they were in a particular mindset.
“Hey Mooms, what ‘cha cooking?” Ame whispered, felt the woman jolt at her side for just a heartbeat. The book in her lap quickly came to a close as she looked across at her with an expression that spoke of disbelief. Metaphorical defences dropping the moment she realised who it was.
“Oh hi, I wasn’t really cooking anything.” Mumei smiled, voice light and airy as usual as she leant forward just enough to brush her cheek against Amelia’s cheek for just a heartbeat in greetings.
It was a little habit of hers that Amelia adored. The gesture reminded her of the animals in nature documentaries more than anything, and even now it still left her a little breathless at just how affectionate she could be. Felt her cheeks burn for just a small moment as she looked down at the book in Mumei’s lap,
“Can I see?”,
“Promise not to laugh?” Mumei’s hand brushed against the cover of the book softly, as if in wait for Amelia’s answer.
“I would never laugh.”
She wasn’t wrong.
In all the time she’d known them both not once had she ever laughed. Mumei’s art always seemed to border a style she’d never seen before and it left her fascinated every time she admired the strokes on the page or the choices of colour that she’d opt for. She had an eye for details that Ame had never seen before. Found it amazing how she’d draw the eyes to wherever she wanted them to with what seemed like natural ease. As if she were in control all along and let it be known by the way she let the pencil glide against the paper.
Mumei seemed satisfied, opened the book to where she’d closed it and for a moment Amelia found her cheeks alight with heat. Swallowed hard as she took in the sight in front of her. She was looking at herself. Of all the things she’d expected on the page she hadn’t expected to see herself hunched over and studying like she had been the last few hours. Lips and eyebrows drawn into a soft frown, bangs caressing her cheeks no matter how hard she tried to keep them out of her eyes. The very end of her pen against her lips as she was clearly reading something from the textbook. Each stroke of the pencil a line with purpose that built something that left Amelia in awe.
Mumei made her look like art.
From the soft blue shading in her eyes, the only colour in the entire page, to the darker shading of her skirt.
It was the first moment. The first second Amelia saw it for what it was. Saw it in the way Mumei clearly wanted to draw the focus to her eyes, to the part of her that Mumei always seemed to spend a little longer looking into whenever they were together.
Mumei thought her eyes were beautiful.
Mumei thought she was beautiful.
“Well?” Mumei asked, voice a little quieter, a little more nervous as she looked at her with the wild owlish eyes that Amelia loved more than anything.
“I love this,” was all Amelia could find in her to say, could barely look away as she was drawn more and more into the painting. Finally spared a proper glance in Mumei’s direction to see the glitter of happiness in her eyes. As if the small meek praise she’d given was a declaration of everything she could possibly say.
Was grateful that Mumei could find the words she’d lost. Forever grateful in how Mumei always seemed to know exactly what words seemed to linger in her chest when she couldn’t pull them out herself.
Saw how love pooled in her gaze, the soft giggle that shook her frame for just a second,
“You’re staring at me.” She pointed out, more of an observation than a complaint, and Amelia found her thoughts drawing themselves to the only conclusion she could come to. Closed the distance to kiss her. Kissed her like it was the only way she could say how she felt. As if it could make up for the way Mumei left her so breathless in that moment.
Wondered what she’d done to deserve someone as perfect as her.
—-----------
“Ina?” Amelia knocked on the door, a little louder than she had the last three times as she looked at her phone. They’d agreed they’d leave for a breakfast date together, just the two of them, and to her confusion the time had passed and Ina had yet to even leave their ‘shared bedroom’. Or at least what had once been Amelia’s bedroom before her two girlfriends had decided to bring their own personality and flair into the once almost lifeless space.
She’d never cared much for interior design. Filled her room with what she wanted and was happy with that. Yet, with Ina and Mumei so much had seemed to evolve. Mumei’s love for fairy lights had brought more warmth into the room whilst Ina’s longing for the floor had meant they’d brought a good quality rug for her to sprawl onto whenever she needed to lay down. Between the both of them, though, they’d amassed a larger collection of plush and art supplies that seemed to bring so much more colour into Amelia’s everyday life. From the stacks of copic markers both in their case and sprawled against the desk, to the color pencils that sat in a line on the bedside table - case not too far from where they were.
Even her bedsheets became more vibrant, the mass of pillows a continuing growth that she found herself able to disappear into whenever they curled up together in the evenings.
Ina was curled up in their bed, blankets up to her waist and body resting against the headboard. Against her knees the almost comically large sketchbook she’d brought her three years had taken its place. Almost uneven, as if she were spending just as much energy balancing it in place as she was even using it.
Amelia hadn’t expected her to use it either.
Had bought it as part of a joke gift that came with a larger than usual pencil. The pencil, of course, had been discarded to some other location of their home. But the art book had been cherished. Even now, as Ame quietly closed the distance to her, she could see that it was almost out of free pages, both sides of each piece taken up by sketches and detailed works that kept Ina’s hands busy whenever she needed the distraction.
She never really shared the contents of it either. Always smiled shyly whenever Amelia asked to see what she was working on, as if it were special to her and her alone. Like a secret between herself and the pages, not even Mumei was allowed to see the inner workings of Ina’s thoughts and feelings.
“Hey,” Amelia warned, voice soft and quiet. Enough to give Ina time to close what she was working on before she could reach her. Something so methodical in practice that she no longer had to even think about the action before she spoke out. Ina’s eyes already drawn from their space, registering her with a gentle familiarity as her lips curled faintly into a smile,
“Hey,” she whispered back. Almost mirroring the softness in Amelia’s voice. Fingers brushing over the corners of her book before curling over its edges, blueish-purple eyes filled with nothing but warmth. As if a look alone could express just how much love she harboured for Amelia.
It always gave her butterflies whenever Ina looked at her like that. Like she was everything she could have asked for. Like she was the paintings in the galleries she spent hours dissecting and adoring, like the books she would read in bed some nights about love and joy.
Ina looked at her like she loved her.
No matter how many times she saw it, Amelia knew she would never grow tired of the way love seemed to exist so effortlessly between them.
It wasn’t until she was beside her, though, that she recognised the signs of sickness in her. The slight shine in her eyes, pressed a hand to her forehead and listened to the faint exhale in relief of being given something cold against warm skin.
“You’re sick.” It wasn’t a question, more of a statement. Wondered how she hadn’t noticed it when she was lying beside her earlier. Even if she had been sleeping, the heat radiating from her was enough to raise enough alarm bells to cancel any and all plans they’d had for the day.
“Just a little,” Ina smiled, voice still soft yet if Amelia focused just that little more she could hear the start of sickness welling in her chest, in the soft exhales of breath as Ina almost seemed to melt into her hand. Like a cat looking for affection, how could Amelia turn down such a gentle gesture. Curled up beside her and tried to ease the discomfort of the woman beside her as she shuffled enough to rest her head against her chest.
“Comfy?” She asked, fingers already beginning to trail through long purple hair. Focused on the small rise and fall of Ina’s chest as she closed her eyes, fingers relaxing their grip on the art book as she allowed it to rest against her chest. Pencil lost to the bedsheets the second she’d moved to make Amelia her pillow.
“Why were you drawing if you’re not feeling well?”,
“I had an idea. I had to get it out of the system or else I was going to forget about it later.” Her answer was so calm, so matter-of-fact, as if it were the most obvious thing to her to do. Eyes closed, she seemed to grow more and more relaxed, like dead weight against Amelia as she enjoyed every gentle touch that Amelia gave her.
“Can I see? Or is this another super secret Ina art piece that you’re working on?” Amelia’s voice broke the silence that had begun to settle between them both. A small rumble of a ‘huh’ escaping Ina’s frame as she opened an eye and tilted her head just enough to look up at her. As if she’d almost fallen asleep in the silence. As if Amelia’s voice alone had brought her back to reality.
“Your picture, can I see it?” Amelia clarified again, finger tracing over Ina’s hand slowly, warmth seeming to seep from every part of her being.
Ina hummed again, closed her eyes and seemed to consider her options. Let silence settle between them both once more for just a heartbeat.
“A lot of it is anatomy practice, just to warn you. It’s messy, a lot of unfinished pieces.” She admitted as casually as ever, already moving to close the book in front of them both so that she could open it to the first page. Amelia bit back a laugh, mused over how she’d herself drawn over the first page in her not-so-artist ways. She’d tried hard, at least, to make the three of them look somewhat decent.
Being the only non-artist in a relationship where the other two did make for funny moments. Especially when they came in the form of big block letters that spelt ‘INA’ and vaguely stick drawing like figures that anyone would have to guess who they were.
As Ina moved to the next page, though, Amelia found herself speechless.
Ina had taken her rough attempt at drawing the three of them and had made something far more beautiful than she could have imagined.
It had originally been a photograph, shown by the way she’d stuck it to the completed page. One where the three of them were on one of their many gallery dates. Where Amelia had asked a stranger to take a photo of the three of them by a painting that both Mumei and Ina had spent hours talking about. She’d caught every tiny detail, almost seeming to bring it to life.
Amelia knew that Ina was talented.
Yet, she was always just as amazed every time the woman showed her anything she’d been working on.
Fingers trailing slowly over the page, she found herself more and more mesmerised by the page in front of her. Disbelief that Ina had discounted the idea of it being nothing more than anatomy practice ringing in her thoughts as she glanced down at the girl in her embrace. Eyes barely open, cheeks flushed between fever and what Amelia assumed was something else, she allowed Ina to guide her hand to flip the page.
Each page following seemed to carry a familiar theme.
Her.
It was mesmerising in its own way to see herself in a different person's perspective. Not only had she seen it in the way Mumei seemed to draw her but now, as Ina was pressed so close to her that she could feel the way her chest rose and fell so softly, she was finally able to see how Ina saw her.
From the way she focused on her freckles being as consistent as possible in each page, to how when she added colors they were so carefully added to compliment and never draw focus to anywhere she didn’t want them to. Mostly kept the color to her eyes each time. As if they were something special to her. Something that drew her in each time she drew Amelia. Saw how she always took extra care, too, with how she would angle her face, how she drew her hands, every aspect of her very being analysed in ways she’d never considered possible.
Whilst Mumei was always very expressive, Ina was very critical. Mumei, with her love of splashing style and colors against Ina’s fluid knowledge of posing and structure, there were as much similarities and differences between them both that still seemed to come together so beautifully each time they drew her.
It was odd, really. How they could paint her like she held the stars in her eyes, as if she were like the women in the paintings in the museums they saw, and yet there she was curled up beside Ina in bed in nothing but her plain black overall skirt and shirt and hair a little too messy in a way that betrayed the fact she’d yet to properly brush it out.
Ina made her look like an angel. Like she was not even human.
Continued through each page, admired each piece with small little comments from Ina as they continued. Listened as she explained what she was trying to do with each piece, how she seemed to sometimes design clothes and would use Amelia as the base person. Yet, every piece of clothing she’d make seemed to be as if it were done with Amelia in mind. Intricate hair accessories, beautiful black dresses to then pose studies.
There were more photograph redraws of them. Of her and Mumei, of anniversaries spent in different locations. Of Aquarium dates, zoo adventures, what felt like a million different events catalogued in pencil lead and eraser marks.
She’d spent so long wondering what Ina drew in the one notebook she wasn’t allowed to peruse at free will. To realise that it contained her was more than she could have ever imagined. Felt her heartbeat in her throat, hand no longer brushing through purple hair as they made it to the piece Ina had been working on when she’d entered.
It wasn’t much in terms of complexity.
The photo attached in the corner, one that Ina must have snuck of her from a recent date, angled to her side as she looked at the sunflower field in front of them both. She hadn’t even realised Ina had taken a photo of her. Too caught up in just how beautiful the field looked with the sunset dipping from the sky, the way the shadows of the evening began to gently embrace them. It was still relatively new, details missing in many places, just the basics put to page and yet Amelia found herself struggling to focus on anything she could even say in response. Ina’s eyes closed as she rested against her, no longer focused on Amelia’s reactions and instead focused on trying to get a little more sleep whilst she had another body against her.
Felt the realisation hit her like it was the most casual statement to ever come to life.
Ina loved her.
She knew Ina loved her. But there was something in the way Ina seemed to truly express that when it came to a pen and paper.
It wasn’t as if she didn’t verbalise it. She was always very expressive in it. From the gentle touches against her arms, to the small soft smiles whenever they spoke, Amelia always knew that Ina loved her.
But to see the book. To see the hours upon hours of unending dedication, of what felt almost like worship, felt different.
Felt new.
“I love you.” Amelia whispered into the quiet, as if it were the easiest thing she could have ever said. Felt her throat tighten in the soft hummed response of a half asleep Ina. The woman in her arms losing her struggle against sleep with every breath.
Closed the book as slowly as she possibly could. As if even the sound of it closing would risk waking her up. Gently moved it onto the bedside table amongst everything else that had begun to clutter it. From Mumei’s favorite bracelet, to Ina’s wrist brace, to her favorite hair piece that Mumei had brought her as a gift a year ago. It was a mess, but it was her favorite kind. The kind that showed they were happy.
That they existed.
Sat in the room in silence, fingers slowly trailing along Ina’s arm. Enjoyed the calm for what it was. Lost track of time as Ina caught up on the sleep see seemingly needed.
Found herself drawn back to reality at the gentle knock on the door, glanced up to see familiar amber eyes peeking through. Like a cat slipping through the cracks, Mumei was as silent as ever as she made her way through the smallest gap she could muster, closing it as carefully as she could to not wake the sleeping woman in the room. Mouth gently parting to fake a ‘hi’, came to sit on the very edge of the bed with a softness in her expression that made Amelia’s heart melt.
‘Hi’, Amelia mouthed back, uncertain of how deep Ina’s sleep was. Reached out her free hand for Mumei to join them both. Something the brunette accepted with ease, coming to rest on the other side of Ina, arms wrapped loosely around her as she offered her her own body heat.
“She's sick?” Mumei finally spoke over the silence, careful to not speak too loud.
“She has a fever, it might just be a cold or something,” Amelia nodded in response, gently trying to move both herself and Ina so that she could face Mumei better.
“She’s going to need something to eat later, do you want me to make something?” Mumei offered, hand coming to rest atop Amelia’s as she brushed her thumb faintly against the back of her hand.
“Is that okay? For now, let’s just get comfy for a bit?” she offered, voice too low too soft. Felt her heart come to ease, flutter in her chest, knew it as love. Felt it in the way Mumei nodded softly, how she seemed to almost nuzzle her face into the nape of Ina’s neck. So effortlessly. So in love. As if it were in her very nature to love like no one else existed.
Wished she could do what they could.
Wanted to capture eternity in the same way they did with a pencil and paper.
Instead, she captured it in her own way. Willed it into her memories, held it to her heart like a prayer. Like a butterfly coming to rest upon her very hands she welcomed love’s gentle embrace in the warmth of the low lit room.
“What did I do to deserve you both?” she whispered into the silence that had settled, voice lost to a whisper as she kept her gaze down at them both. More of a statement than a question. A moment to share between herself and the ghosts that lingered in their room.
Mumei, still pressed against Ina’s side, gently exhaling against her neck with each breath. Arm loosely draped over her side, hand resting under the fabric of her shirt so that she could press it to her stomach.
Ina, lips softly parted as she rested her head against her chest, hand resting just beside her face, pressed close as if she were trying to hear her heartbeat. Wondered if it gave her as much peace as Amelia found whenever she did the same. Hoped she brought Ina only peace. Moved her free hand to gently move her bangs slightly, tucked stray hairs behind her ear so she could admire the line of her cheek.
“I love you both.” Her words weren’t a confession, but a fact. Something she knew to be honest. To be real. Knew it like it was her own name. Saw a lifetime with them as if it were the only option for the three of them.
Wondered how many more paintings of her would exist.
Found peace at the idea of their lives being preserved long after they’d be gone.