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smoke lingers in the air between gojo and geto, the only thing separating their souls being their skin and clothes. they sit atop of tokyo jujutsu high's building, sharing a cigarette. gojo rests his head on geto's shoulder as geto takes a puff. countless thoughts are shared through their touch.
"you know, suguru," gojo sighs, taking the stick from the other man. "you should really get a girlfriend." gojo inhales the smog into his lungs. "all the girls here fawn over you like wolves eyeing a lamb. you could get anyone you wanted."
geto lets out a chuckle, pushing gojo off his shoulder. gojo yelps, startled by the sudden movement. "what? i'm telling the truth!" gojo affirms.
an exasperated sigh escapes geto suguru's mouth. "it's nothing. pass it over." gojo hands the cigarette to geto who takes an extremely long hit, turning most of the stick to ash. geto hates the taste of tobacco; however, he hates the taste of cursed spirits more. the ash on his lips washed the disgusting palette of shit away.
"if i were a girl, i would've asked you out by now, suguru." gojo says in the most serious tone which honestly made geto pause.
'it's not fair,' geto thinks. 'you can't say these things to me and expect me to not fall in love with you. it's not fair.'
geto wants nothing but to embrace gojo in his warmth, but he stops himself.
"yeah," geto scoffs. "if you were a girl. too bad no one else has your never ending confidence." he laughs, passing the stick back to gojo.
don't let yourself have the benefit of hoping. don't let gojo think you could ever like him that way. don't let gojo know that you would burn down the whole world if it means he could kiss you. don't let yourself hope. hope is for pretty girls— pretty, normal girls. not for a guy like you, who has no place even thinking of love.
"you're right, suguru. no girl could ever measure up to me!" gojo jokes, quieting down afterwards. he pushes the butt of the cigarette onto the concrete of the roof, diminishing it.
don't even consider the chance that gojo feels the same for you. don't ruin everything you have with him— gojo satoru— your best friend.
don't.
it's then that gojo slowly wraps his arms around geto and the latter can only freeze in place.
"i wish you were a girl, suguru." gojo buries his head into geto's sleeve, an intimate act that could only be described as desperate and loving. "because i really, really like you. you're everything i want."
geto is baffled— completely in shock and awe as he tenses up against his one and only. "what are you even talking about, satoru?" geto's body is on fire and he feels like puking, feeling the bile back up into his throat. his head and heart are pounding and all he wants to do is run away.
even for a special grade sorcerer like him, he knew gojo was dangerous. the most dangerous man in the world who could probably kill him right then and there. geto wants him to; it's better than feeling however the fuck he feels right now.
it's not gojo's hollow purple or domain that kills geto. it's a few words from his lips, uttered with nothing but truth.
gojo satoru was really the most dangerous man in the world.
"i'm saying—" gojo sits up, letting go of suguru. "—that i want you. you're everything i want in a girl."
geto doesn't know what to say.
"i just really wish you were one."
geto's heart breaks into an infinite amount of pieces, because his chest feels devoid of a heart in the first place. he's so angry, so upset right now. he hadn't even confessed and still got rejected.
all geto wants to do is deck gojo in the face, make him regret even saying that to him. he's livid and sorrowful and he can feel tears prick the corners of his eyes.
how do you love someone you're not supposed to?
gojo looks down on suguru's slouched and afraid body. he doesn't know why geto looks like he's about to cry, but it pulls on his heartstrings to see him so sad.
"i don't even know what to say, satoru. do you like me or not?" geto whispers, scared that gojo might hear the shake of his voice if he speaks normally. "because i like you, and i want to act on it, and i think you know that."
"suguru— you can't just—" gojo feels like he could just blow up.
"yes, i can. you're the one that started this and since you've decided to just drop your feelings right in the open, i will, too." geto sneers. "so i'll just get it out now. i love you, satoru. not in the way that best friends should."
in geto's mind, a hundred million thoughts are racing through his head at once. a hundred million of them were of gojo satoru.
"i do like you, suguru. in a way i shouldn't. so let's not act on these feelings just because we're alone, smoking on a rooftop of a place we call home." he speaks, boring into geto's mauve irises. "you know we're both guys, and that we can't like each other. don't take it personally, suguru. you're just not a girl."
geto avoided confessing to keep their relationship— to be with the one he loves without comprising anything. because if there were to be something to break the foundation of what they had, it would be his feelings.
geto was right. he can feel his three year long relationship knowing gojo just crumbling into dust, just because his heart couldn't choose someone easy to love.
"can we act on our feelings, just this once? then we can go back to being whatever we were— best friends." geto asks, desperation filling his voice.
but best friends don't call each other their one and only. they don't embrace each other like lovers. geto and gojo both knew damn well that what they wasn't normal.
"just this once? then we act like nothing happened and stay friends?" gojo asks, sounding unsure. but he couldn't be more sure in the moment. it was more of him asking his heart to not want more after this.
"just this once." geto whispers, cupping gojo's cheek.
their faces lean in closer and they can feel each other's breaths fan their skin.
when their lips finally touch, pent up feelings feel like they're gone in the wind. the two men had never felt this free in their entire lives. even gojo, who was nothing but free, felt liberated and content.
they kiss harder, kissing like it's the end of the world and kissing like they were each other's lifelines.
they finally pull apart from their first kiss with each other and they both feel empty.
"i fucking love you so much, suguru. i love this." gojo leans back in, more passion behind the initial contact. they kiss as if they were drug addicts getting their first taste of heroin in months.
they pull apart for the final, last time and geto feels himself slipping.
"i love you, satoru. i really wish we could have been something." geto knows he's crying, that he looks desperate and pitiful.
"we are something, suguru. just as friends." gojo smiles, but there's nothing happy behind it.
bullshit. they both know it's bullshit as whatever could've been slips away into the wind and stolen kisses are forever unspoken.
love really is the greatest curse a sorcerer could ever experience.
—
geto is sprawled against the wall, clutching his side as he bleeds out.
"you're late, satoru." suguru chuckles.
gojo stands above geto one last time.
"you'll be the one to kill me, then? how's my family?" geto asks, grimacing.
"they all got away. every last one." gojo whispers. "kyoto was your doing too, wasn't it?"
"yeah," geto smiles. "unlike you, i'm kind enough to not use my best friend as a stepping stone for his student. you sent them here just to trigger yuta okkotsu's growth, didn't you?"
"it's called trust," gojo affirms. "people with beliefs like yours wont kill a young sorcerer for no reason."
silence rings through the air as geto's breathing becomes more laboured.
"trust, huh?" geto laughs with whatever energy he had left in him. "i didn't know you had some of that left for me."
geto wants to cry. he misses satoru. he misses that day where they stole each others kisses.
"any last words?" gojo asks, trying not to show his complete and utter fear behind his voice.m
“i’ll always hate those damn monkeys,” geto sneers. “but it’s not like i hate everyone in jujutsu high.” geto can feel the tears roll down his cheeks no matter how much he had prepared for his death. he just never thought it would be his only and only to make him meet his demise. “i just couldn’t be happy from the bottom of my heart in this world.”
gojo’s heart breaks at this, knowing what he meant. “suguru.” geto looks up at the man with whatever strength he could muster.
“i always loved you from the bottom of my heart.” gojo smiles, choking.
gojo wishes they could start over. he didn’t care if geto wasn’t a girl anymore.
geto lets out a chuckle.
“at least curse me a little in the end.”