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It was supposed to be yet another business trip.
One of the many sprinkled throughout their life as roommates. One of the countless , actually— Alhaitham complained every other day about how he saw the golden dunes of the desert more than the domes of the Akademiya. And Kaveh rolled his eyes each time, calling him dramatic.
One of those journeys that began with Kaveh pulling an all-nighter right before their departure, too nervous to fall asleep, and ended with feasts and drinks at the tavern to celebrate their return. Even if they were exhausted, dirty, and desperately in need of a bath.
At night, they would sit on the sand and stare up at the immaculate starry canvas, soft smiles on their lips. Kaveh would brew mint tea with wild herbs, following the ancient recipe lent to him by the desert folk he had befriended in Aaru village while building the orphanage. Alhaitham would tell him tales he could decipher at a glance in the rune-peppered ruins they stumbled upon.
Despite the sands sneaking into their shoes and underwear for days on end, the scorching heat, and the bruises and calluses butchering their feet and hands… Those business trips were the only mirage of calm in their usual routine of bickering and nitpicking.
Alhaitham stretched his arm out— the thorns pricked at his flesh like needles before he could get a hold of anything. Shit .
To put it quite frankly, Alhaitham would not even bother trying to retrieve the body of any random passerby who was as unfortunate as to fall into that sort of bush. It was a cruel plant, indeed. It suffocated its prey in a cage of spikes, and tightened the more they squirmed.
But the victim was Kaveh, for one. Someone he could not afford to leave behind, at any cost. Plus, Alhaitham could swear he had seen him move a moment prior. A groan of pain and a shudder at best, yet enough proof that he was not dead.
“Kaveh,” he called out. “Stay awake. Stay with me.”
For the first time in his life, Alhaitham despised his Vision. Although he was grateful to have been blessed with the God of Wisdom’s favor, things would be easier now if he could wield the power of Pyro. Even if, on second thought, the risk of setting fire to Kaveh’s cape and thus worsening the situation was high. So, a makeshift torch wouldn’t do either.
“How can I get him out of there?”
He returned to the dusty path, looking for his bag. It stood there miserably, already half-buried by the sandstorm, right where he had lost it in a rush to follow Kaveh’s rolling body down the slope.
He always scolded Kaveh for his habit of walking around with his nose up. The desert was far too stimulating for his mind— he watched the vultures in their circular flight, followed the course of the winds, and tried to measure the high profile of pyramids with his gaze.
All in all, Kaveh addressed his interest in anything except the soil underneath him. And out of all things, the cause of his demise had been a stupid shiny rock. Assuming he wouldn’t die there, Alhaitham would etch that lesson with fire in his brain.
“Something useful…” Alhaitham inspected the contents of their bag. Folded blueprints, drawing supplies and tools, packed food for a few meals… Nothing that could scrape those thorns.
Out of better means, Alhaitham drew his sword. The desert foxes must have fled in terror in witnessing what came after that— a madman furiously slamming his blade against a thorny bush, desperate to make an opening, to carve a cut into the thick, dry wood.
Many minutes passed before his energy ran out. People mocked him for calling himself a feeble scholar, given his trained physique, but the truth about his strength was evident at such times.
At last, hope ignited again within his chest. His sword managed to cut across one of the smaller thorns. Alhaitham kept moving his blade along that line, until the whole branch came off.
“Kaveh,” he screamed again. The body at the bush’s core twitched. “I’m coming for you.”
No response came. Fearing for the worst, Alhaitham repeated the same operation on the rest of the plant, slicing and towing until his fingers bled. It was worth it: he could see Kaveh's legs through the hole he had painfully opened.
“Pardon me,” he warned him, storing his sword away. “I’ll have to be rough.” Words he had sworn never to need to utter. He may treat him harshly with his remarks and reactions, but in the comfort of their privacy he had never, never dared to show him anything but devotion.
He wrapped his palms around Kaveh’s ankles and pulled him closer. His torso slid over the sand, lifting small clouds of dust that coated his face and hair. Alhaitham pulled and pulled, until the architect was held in his arms once more.
“Kaveh. Stay with me,” he shook him gently, inspecting his facial expressions to check for vital signs. His eyelids trembled weakly, and his lower lip quivered… He was alive. Perfect. “I’ll take you back to camp.”
Alhaitham laid his partner’s body on the ground, quickly fetching the bandages from their first aid kit and beginning the hazardous operation of patching up his wounds. The bleeding needed to be stopped, at least. Other worries could come later.
Every inch of Kaveh’s body was covered in all sorts of damage. Crimson cuts, dark bruises, and eerie holes. A bigger thorn had pierced his stomach— Alhaitham’s stomach twisted in horror at the sight.
His rationality was far too annoying for his taste. The tiny voice at the back of his head wouldn’t shut up. “He’ll die. This is no normal wound,” it chanted. “There is no way such a big spike missed his vital organs. At best, he’ll live for a few days, and it will be agony until the end.”
Oh, for fuck’s sake. It’s Kaveh they were talking about. He had survived worse; he had ventured through hell and back, both mentally and physically, and never failed to pull himself back up. This would not be an exception. Not to mention, Alhaitham had deep faith in Sumeru’s doctors.
— ❀ —
The oasis was farther down the road than he recalled. Alhaitham was on the brink of fainting when he finally spotted the palms over the horizon, the heat wave and Kaveh’s weight putting his legs under great stress.
He refilled their leather flasks and drank lavishly, savoring the sweet water as it flowed down his throat in its relieving embrace. He poured half of his share past Kaveh’s lips, ensuring he was moist enough.
“I’ll treat your wounds now,” he informed him, even though the man was long since unconscious. Sounds would keep him anchored to reality, Alhaitham believed. He chose to believe that there was still a chance to save him. “It will hurt. Please, hold on for me like you’ve done many times.”
Alhaitham held his breath during the process, afraid he might accidentally blow Kaveh’s fragile life away. While his hands moved fast and his brain operated even quicker, he didn’t cease talking to Kaveh.
“I’ll move you to the side, sorry.”
“This wound is deep. The sanitizer will sting; hang in there.”
“Would you look at this… You messed up your hair. I wonder if this asymmetrical cut would be popular at the Akademiya?”
Once he was finished, he finally let go. He teared up silently, with no witness to bear sight of his grief but the stars and the moon up above. Kaveh’s limbs were covered in bandages, and blood had already stained the medication on his stomach. He was not going to make it.
Alhaitham held his hand. He had always found it endearing how, despite both being grown men and not that different in height, Kaveh’s palm could fit so perfectly within his own.
He could almost hear Kaveh’s complaints. “Your hands and feet are always so cold!” he was probably saying in his slumber. “Come, come. Let me warm them up. How can you be like this when it’s so hot outside?!”
Alhaitham caressed Kaveh’s frozen thumb with his own.
“Don’t leave me.”
— ❀ —
The first day of Kaveh’s convalescence rekindled his faith. A faint flush coated his cheeks, and his chest heaved loudly, a sign that he was slowly, but surely, coming back to his senses.
Alhaitham tried to remember how the nurses at the Bimarstan and Tighnari acted when treating their patients. He forcibly fed Kaveh mashed food and water, cleaned his wounds thoroughly, and changed the bandages regularly. He also measured his temperature, and moved him from shadow patch to shadow patch to avoid overheating his body.
On the second dawn, Kaveh spoke. Or, well, he muttered something, a series of barely audible and unintelligible sounds that held no meaning, yet meant so much to Alhaitham at the same time.
“Kaveh,” he chuckled.
Kaveh grimaced. “...am.”
“Good boy.” Alhaitham rewarded him with a peck on the nose. “If you stay with me and come home soon, I will buy that useless cupboard you’ve been rambling about for weeks. I find it pointless and a waste of space, but Archons— I will obey your every command. Just… don’t leave me.”
In Kaveh’s faint smile, Alhaitham chose to see approval. See, he was promising: He would not die. He would not leave. He would stay by his side until the end of their days, as they had often imagined.
Kaveh held to his unbeknownst deal for three dusks. At noon on the fourth day, when Alhaitham felt confident enough to start preparing for the journey back to Sumeru City, he ceased making noise.
Gradually, before Alhaitham’s powerless gaze, Kaveh lost more and more pieces of himself. Until, a week after his fateful fall down the slope, the Light of Kshahrewar was no more.
— ❀ —
"You took pride in keeping your promises."
Alhaitham stared at the lifeless husk of his former roommate. The freshly dried tears on his cheeks had carved deep dark circles under his bloodshot eyes. He had spent the night sobbing his heart out, embracing Kaveh's body as it grew colder and colder.
They were both careless more often than Alhaitham liked to admit. They accidentally disturbed the rest of feral beasts, cleared out hilichurl camps for the fun of it, and got into troubles bigger than them. Because, no matter what, they knew the extent of their joined strength.
Alhaitham was alone now. Back to his origins— back when he hadn't met Kaveh yet, and his days were built of stacked bricks of loneliness.
Among them, why did it have to be Kaveh? Contrary to Alhaitham, who was content with his standard of life and harbored no aspiration for improvement, Kaveh actively pursued his dreams. He had projects, hopes, and schemes. He deserved to continue living more than he did.
And, Archons… what sin had he committed to deserve such a harsh punishment? Mourning his loss under the moon, digging his grave under the sun.
It was painful.
It was unfair.
It made Alhaitham want to follow.
When he returned to camp later, in the dead of the night, Alhaitham had no more tears to shed. It felt surreal to be surrounded by silence. There was never a moment of quiet when Kaveh was nearby: stories from his job, complaints about Alhaitham's behavior, gossip, architecture ramblings…
The lack of noise hurt his ears.
— ❀ —
"Should I follow you?"
Alhaitham must have gone insane if he resorted to talking to a pile of rocks. He could consume his throat pondering the meaning of life: Kaveh could not share an opinion anymore.
"It wouldn't take long." He glanced at his sword. The blade glowed in its greenish hues in the moonlight. Sharp and swift— it would reap his breath in a flash. "It is a better fate than heading back to a deserted house."
No clatter of dishes being washed, a gentle hum as background music. No scribbling of pencils and crumpled paper until dawn. No laughter while reading Fontaine's latest comic book release.
"Besides, you're a coward. I assumed we would discuss our unspoken truths before we left."
What would become of their stolen kisses under the Akademiya staircases, both lacking the courage to bridge the gap? To the secret hand holding in winter which neither of them questioned or mentioned, fearing the weight of the debate that would follow? It would all go to waste.
Alhaitham lifted his sword.
One, two, three…
A stab to his stomach would suffice.
— ❀ —
A stalk of dewy grass tickling his nose was what startled him awake. As he sat up on the greenery, his head throbbing like a hammer, Alhaitham couldn’t recall ever falling asleep.
He remembered his trip to the desert, and the burden of carrying around a bag full of paperwork and tools. He remembered the craze of cutting the thorny bush to pieces, pouring all his energy into it. And, of course, he remembered the horrendous sight of Kaveh’s corpse, and its fading heat in his embrace.
Everything after the moment he had buried Kaveh’s face in the soil was blurry.
He stood up on his feet, swatting dust off his pants. The landscape around him was awkwardly unfamiliar. Not even the most verdant corners of Avidya Forest shone such a bright green. Where was he, and how did he end up stranded there in the first place?
Heh, he must be dreaming still. His head no longer hurt from the long crying session, and there were no scars from the attack on the plant earlier that week. Either that, or he had fallen prey to an illusion.
“Is anyone there?” Alhaitham called out.
Seeing no better way to discover more about his whereabouts, he set off on a walk. He wandered around, roaming the grass fields from dawn to dusk, until they turned into a dark forest thriving with life. Festive lights and garlands hung from the trees, reminding Alhaitham of the decorations outside Zubayr Theater on the liveliest show nights.
The deeper Alhaitham strode into the woods, the stranger the scene became. A full-blown circus camp lay between the trees, with lanterns and loudspeakers scattered about. Except, not a person was attending the venue.
Wherever he went in that eerie place, Alhaitham couldn’t shake off the feeling multiple watchful gazes were following him. However, nothing crossed his path nor made a single noise except for the distant water splashing.
It was an unsettling place. Every detail of the forest screamed party and celebration, yet it felt bone-chillingly lonely. It reminded Alhaitham of the abandoned ruins under the desert dunes, left to an eternal golden slumber.
Alhaitham inspected the interior of the smaller tents. Judging from the furniture hastily thrown around the place, they were meant to be temporary housing for the circus crew or even cheap inn rooms. The flower pots resting in the corners seemed genuine, but lifeless, as if frozen in time.
“Maybe I accidentally summoned a djinn with my desperation,” Alhaitham mused. “And this is my new home for eternity. Heh, not bad. If only there were books…”
A sob from the back caught his attention.
Unusually excited about meeting someone, Alhaitham followed the lead of the sound, past a half-closed door hidden by a curtain. A cramped room full of scattered books, crumpled paper sheets, and dust greeted him on the other side.
In the dim glow of an oil lamp, a person crouched in the corner, seemingly sobbing their heart out. From the sight of his back, Alhaitham guessed it must be a young man in his thirties at most.
Alhaitham approached him. As he walked, his gaze roamed the small studio: architectural blueprints were pinned to the walls and filled with a million chaotic annotations. His chest ached— ah, was it familiar.
"Good evening," he said to attract the stranger's attention.
The man jolted, utterly unaware of his presence. His bright blue hair wobbled as if made of bubbles. Alhaitham reached out for his sword— Ah, damn. It must have fallen when he…
"A visitor…?" The man turned around, wiping his eyes with the sleeves of his shirt. "How curious… I haven't received any guests since I arrived here…"
Their glances met.
And oh, Archons— for the first time, Alhaitham thought miracles were real.
Albeit different and more ethereal than the one he remembered, that man was undoubtedly Kaveh . The same Kaveh with whom he had spent his youth in the high and low times, shared an apartment for months, and established an uncertain romance made of unspoken words and stolen kisses in the kitchen.
And, consequently, the body he had buried earlier that morning.
It was an illusion. There was no way Kaveh had survived, not even with the most potent magic Celestia had to offer: he had died in Alhaitham's arms. He had grown cold and stiff overnight. He was gone.
But then again, who would bother playing tricks on Alhaitham's mind? The only answer he could come up with was an indignant djinn, but he was reasonably sure they hadn't disturbed any supernatural creatures in the past month or so.
"Alhaitham?" The blue-haired Kaveh asked, his head tilted to the side. "Is it really you?"
Damn, even the voice was a flawless replica. "I should be the one asking you that. I saw Kaveh pass away— the real Kaveh. What are you, and what are you trying to achieve by mimicking his features?"
"Pass away…" Kaveh looked out of the window, at the topiaries and bushes outside. Colorful flowers were sprinkled here and there among the leaves, their thick scent filtering through the corners of the glass panes. "You're right. I died. Although you took such great care of me, I still…"
The sobs began anew. Kaveh curled into a ball and dropped to the floor, his torso shaken by unsteady breaths. The more tears he dried with his sleeves, the more poured out of his eyes, incessantly, until his cheeks were swollen and red.
Unsure how to calm him and obtain more information, Alhaitham knelt beside him and rested a hand on his shoulder. He used to reassure Kaveh that way, when he broke down under the pressure of deadlines and pushy clients.
What kind of fucked up dream had he sunken into?
Something resurfaced from the depths of his memories. Amidst the ancient tomes and scriptures he had to skim through to write one of his thesis, Alhaitham had once stumbled upon a book of ancient desert myths.
An oasis of peace in the shape of a bottle, protected from intruders by an impenetrable sandstorm— the Veluriyam Mirage warmly welcomed anyone with unfulfilled wishes in their hearts. An alluring resting place for the souls of dreamers… An ideal tomb for Kaveh and his idealism.
"Is it actually you?" Alhaitham dared to ask. "Or are you a figment of my imagination? Will I wake up only to see your half of the mattress cold and empty?"
Kaveh slowly lifted his head. "I'm not sure about the details, but… it is me," he muttered. "I lost some of my memories. I remember traveling across the desert with you, and then— then we saw the oasis, but I…"
"Your shoe got stuck in a thorny bush by the side of the path," Alhaitham filled in the gaps for him. Since his words were harsh, he tried to compensate by caressing Kaveh's back. "You rolled down a slope and to your death."
He spared him the gory details. If he had forgotten, it was for the best. Alhaitham wouldn't be as cruel as to have him relive his death a second time. Once was already beyond painful for both of them.
Kaveh scoffed. "Such a pathetic way to go. Truly a fitting ending for someone like me."
"Stop that." Alhaitham sighed. Yeah, that was Kaveh, alright. Unable to see his true worth and virtues even after his death. "Do not undermine my efforts to keep you alive. I would not waste time and care on something I did not deem important and worth saving."
A pout curved Kaveh's lips. "Sorry. I know. You always cared for me more than you showed."
"That was not my point." Although it was undoubtedly true, that is. "You should say that you were always more valuable than you gave yourself credit for."
Silence fell over them like a heavy blanket. In the tension, Alhaitham could see plenty of emotions crossing Kaveh's face, in a whirlpool of conflicting thoughts. It couldn't be easy to realize you died, and that your current form wasn't tangible.
Alhaitham broke it off first. "Let's talk outside. The stiff air in this studio is testing my sanity."
"Sure." Kaveh stood up on his trembling legs. Dust and a few pieces of tape were sticking to his pants; Alhaitham brushed them off with his hand. "We can sit in the garden. You can see the river from there."
They left the building through a backdoor Alhaitham had just noticed. The sunlight immediately blinded his eyes, now adjusted to the dim lantern glow of Kaveh's room. The pleasant smell of roses and lilies of the valley tickled his nostrils.
Kaveh led him by the wrist. They crossed the tiny garden and hopped past the topiaries, where two wooden chairs had conveniently been placed on the slope overlooking the river. Did just about any wish come true in that paradise?
"Take a seat," Kaveh invited him, occupying one of the chairs himself. He removed his shoes and rested his feet on the dewy grass, toes diving into the moist soil. "I don't understand what I am or how I arrived here. Did you notice? My hair is made of water— honestly, I feel like my whole body is not quite solid. It's like I became a droplet."
Alhaitham obeyed, taking his usual spot on his left side. Everything in that corner of the world felt surreal. The cheerful forest, set up for a huge celebration, yet missing a single visitor. The rocky landscape that felt airy to the touch. Nothing made sense to him.
But he had better things to discuss than whether or not the mirage was true to his name. "If this place is what I think it is, then… it draws the souls of people with a wish to fulfill," Alhaitham explained. "Perhaps it attracts the spirits of the dead, too. Did you leave any business unfinished?"
"A lot, if you ask me." Kaveh's response was so sharp and fast that it seemed rehearsed. "I cherished a few projects in the works, which I'll never get to see built. I didn't finish forming my two young apprentices, leaving them at the mercy of who knows which blabbering fool will take them under their wing. I couldn't move back to a place that was mine and mine only!"
Kaveh's insistence on moving out of their apartment was no news. Yet, in their sad circumstances, Alhaitham couldn't help being hurt . Was sharing a house with him regretful enough to haunt his spirit postmortem? He didn't think it was that horrible. "I see."
"And I never had the courage to…" Kaveh's gaze lingered on Alhaitham's face. He backed off immediately, though, lowering his head again. "Never mind."
Alhaitham groaned. "No, finish your line. Now that you're dead, I want to—" His voice cracked as tears fogged his sight. It was the first time he showed Kaveh any hint of emotion that wasn't anger. His care for him was silent, made of actions over mouthpieces. "I want to hear everything you have to say. The most insignificant things that cross your mind. Spit them out."
"Promise me you won't get mad?" Kaveh asked shyly.
"I will not." In a sudden gust of annoyance (or, perhaps, desperation), Alhaitham wrapped his palm around Kaveh's hand in a gentle squeeze. "Speak up."
Kaveh went quiet. Seconds turned into minutes, Alhaitham's nervousness swelling with each tick on the clock. Then, after a deep inhale, the man found the audacity to talk. "I never had the courage to confess my real feelings to you."
"Likewise." The truth spilled out of Alhaitham's mouth with shocking ease. It was offensive, almost, how simple it was to be honest now that he had lost everything. That could be why: he could be frank because he had nothing else to risk. The only thing he had ever loved was dead; all he could do was chat with his dead self, trapped in an eternal imaginary oasis.
Kaveh shot a perplexed glance at him. "What do you mean?"
Ah, screw human language. Although Alhaitham was fluent in over twenty idioms and dialects, not a single word he knew was good enough to describe the intensity of his emotions. It was easier, way damn easier, to just go ahead and show it.
He cupped Kaveh's cold cheeks and, without a speck of hesitation, pushed their mouths together. How often had he fantasized about kissing those lips to stop the waterfall of complaints rolling off Kaveh's tongue or praise him for his excellent results?
People in novels and movies were so quick to cut to the chase. They hugged and kissed as a greeting, a gesture of gratitude, and an absent-minded display of affection. But to Alhaitham, unused to the warmth of love, a kiss meant the whole universe and more.
Kaveh's eyes widened in surprise. Before Alhaitham could start fearing sudden rejection, his lips melted under his own, parting to let their tongues meet. Shivers ran down his spine, yet his heart thumped loudly in a puddle of heat.
"Alhaitham…" Kaveh whispered when they parted for air. His red eyes sparkled in nothing but fondness, half-closed in the haze. "What is the meaning of this?"
And, pushed to the edge, Alhaitham broke. "While you were speaking, I kept thinking of something. You had unfinished business to settle, so your soul strayed here after your passing. But what about me? Why am I here? It cannot be possible for you to have lured me inside the mirage, given you've barely just recalled who you are."
"Where are you getting to?"
Alhaitham pressed a finger over his lips to shut him up softly. "Now I see. I also had something left undone. This is what I've always craved to do. I couldn't bear to watch you go before kissing your restless mouth at least once."
"You should…" Kaveh teared up again, won over by the unexpected confession. How to blame him? It was the most words Alhaitham had spoken about himself in a lifetime. "You should have told me before, you idiot. I thought— I thought you disliked having me around, I thought—"
Alhaitham chuckled. Yeah, he had guessed as much. "I never did. Despite the bickering, despite the bad events from our past. Or else, I would have kicked you out long ago."
"I did not want to convince myself you kept me in your home out of love, or anything of the sort," Kaveh continued. "I chanted to myself that you were doing it out of convenience or pity , and it motivated me to earn money to move out."
Alhaitham caressed his cheek. "Nobody asked you to leave."
"Nobody asked me to stay either." Kaveh's voice reeked of sadness. A deep-rooted, long-spanning sadness that had been locked up for far too long.
And well, Alhaitham was in the mood for further clarification. "I am asking you to stay now."
Even though neither of them said it aloud, they both had the same answer to his ridiculous demand. Kaveh could not stay. Kaveh was dead, bound in chains to that bottled miracle of an oasis. Alhaitham would be the one to leave, eventually.
Speaking was painful. With words came memories, and with memories came grief. So, what better way to shove all problems to the side and finally reveal their naked souls to one another than through the touch of their bodies?
Alhaitham joined their mouths in another bruising kiss. A third one followed, and a fourth, until the landscape around them spun white, and the sound of the river blurred out in the back of Alhaitham's mind.
Nothing mattered but the two of them— their longly nurtured feelings, wounded by the thorns of miscommunication and misunderstandings. And the most profound and sincere devotion a human could ever hope to feel.
— ❀ —
"Teasing you was highly entertaining. Your reactions are never boring."
Kaveh rolled to the side, his watery hair falling lazily onto his naked collarbones. "That's a nice way to cover up your bullying. You harassed me for years, Alhaitham."
"Ah, you enjoyed it." Alhaitham turned to face him, their chests pressed tightly together. It felt forbidden to engage in naughty acts in the middle of a borrowed paradise, but they failed to contain their emotions. "I could see the corners of your mouth bending into a little smirk when we bickered over the silliest things."
Neither of them wished to speak of those years they spent apart. That was a severe argument, a reason for their bond to fall apart— it no longer held importance. It was long gone, buried under the sand.
"I've never met a man like you," Kaveh took his turn to praise him, continuing their silly little game under the starry sky. "You're an academic genius, yet your lack of emotional intelligence is jarring."
Alhaitham frowned. "I thought we were complimenting each other. Is this your conception of praise?"
"Take it as it is." Kaveh clicked his tongue.
Not in the mood for a fight, Alhaitham simply sighed. "Fine," he gave in. "Let's see… I've teased you over your taste in interior design. In truth, I admire your dreamy soul and eye for detail. The furniture you chose was spot-on every time."
The moon watched over them as they let go of their secrets, dismantling one by one the obstacles in their relationship. The clouds turned pink, then orange— the sun rose over the mirage's horizon, marking the end of their game.
Never before would Alhaitham consider an all-nighter to be so pleasant. In the hours dividing them from dawn, they kissed until their lips were bruised, made love like eloping lovers on a honeymoon, and confessed every nook and cranny of their feelings.
There was nothing left unsaid.
And thus, Alhaitham's time in the Veluriyam Mirage drew to a close.
"You should go now." Kaveh sat on the grass, his bare skin glistening in the sun's cold rays. "You don't belong here. I can feel that you're still alive."
Was he? Alhaitham remembered vividly the sting of the blade piercing his stomach. He pressed a gentle peck on Kaveh's neck, a silent apology for the marks he had left on his ethereal body. "I don't want to leave you."
"You must."
Kaveh wore his clothes once more. It was a familiar sight— when living under the same roof with a fellow man, mainly if they ignored the secret yearning in their hearts, one paid less attention to when and where they stripped. Never before, though, had Alhaitham seen Kaveh in that tender light.
"You're gorgeous," he heard himself whisper.
The red flush coating Kaveh's cheeks made him want to embrace him for a century or two. "You have some guts saying that. Have you seen those muscles of yours? And you dare to call yourself feeble, when you go around sporting that… carriage on a daily basis."
Amused by his peculiar fashion of phrasing things, Alhaitham chuckled. He did what he had to, anyway, and fetched his discarded clothes from the grass. The cloth they were lying on disappeared on its own, aware its role had ended.
"Time to go."
"Yup." Kaveh offered him his hand to hold. "I'll escort you to the entrance."
— ❀ —
They didn't talk on their way out. They crossed the circus area in the forest, the lonelier part of the woods, and the verdant grass fields bordering the lake in eerie quiet. The feverish grip of their intertwined fingers was louder than their silence.
"There it is." Kaveh let go first, pointing at the barren land in front of them with his chin. "If you walk down that path, the mirage will dissolve around you. I don't know for sure, but— that's where I came from."
Alhaitham glanced in that direction. Past a blurry tunnel of swirling sand, he could vaguely distinguish a scene. He saw his own body lying in a pool of blood on top of Kaveh's freshly dug grave. Gruesome, but not lethal. He had definitely missed his swing at the last second.
Thankfully, Kaveh was unable to catch a glimpse of that.
"I think you deserve to know," Alhaitham said anyway. "When I arrived here, I thought I had died as well. Because, you see… After burying you, I tried to stab myself with my sword."
Kaveh's jaw dropped in horror. "You what ?!"
"I was a coward, however," Alhaitham cut his protest short. "Instants before the blade could pierce my heart, I saw your face. I knew that, if I took my own life to follow you, your soul would resent me forever."
He had probably fallen unconscious out of exhaustion and despair. Every other piece in the puzzle was pretty clear after that moment.
"I'm so fucking glad you were," Kaveh cussed, shaking his head in disbelief. Even as they were bidding farewell, he couldn't avoid scolding him. "Now, go. I want you gone before I embarrass myself any further and cry in front of you again."
Alhaitham kissed him.
"Goodbye, Kaveh. Enjoy your time here, finally free from your burdens."
"Goodbye, Alhaitham. Thank you for making my life worth living till the end."
What an emotionless separation. Alhaitham sighed as he walked down the exit path, the sand roaring furiously around him. One more step, and he would be outside. Back to his routine, back to his body.
Back to the Akademiya, where people worshiped the soil he stepped on, and strove to learn more and more from him.
Back to the inn, where he would meet up with Cyno and Tighnari and listen to their adventures and Collei's progress in school.
Back to his house, the comfortable place he knew each corner of like the back of his hand, and could roam in pitch-black darkness without clashing against a single object.
Back to Kaveh's absence and the body he had buried.
— ❀ —
It was, perhaps, Alhaitham's first major mistake.
He prided himself on his quick wit and intelligent decisions. No matter how challenging or delicate a situation, he never struggled to make the most out of it, benefiting from each step he took.
Well, he guessed that everyone had to fuck up at least once.
"Screw it," he announced as soon as Kaveh's figure was back in his view. Ignoring his enraged expression, his pushes to keep him away, and his high-pitched scream, Alhaitham forcefully embraced the man of his life. "How can I leave you behind now?"
Kaveh squirmed in his grasp. "Stop… Leave. Alhaitham, you do not belong here."
"Not yet." Alhaitham pulled away, his hands darting to Kaveh's waist instead. That frenzy was so untypical of him— yet, he felt embers tickling his veins. He was aching and longing for something unknown. "If I stay here for a week or two, my body out there will starve. At that point, I will…"
A punch to his gut drew a loud gasp out of him.
"What the fuck?!" Kaveh yelled, out of control. "Are you kidding me right now? Alhaitham, you will not throw your life away just because I lost mine. I don't want that for you. Get out of here and die of old age like the boring scholar you are."
Alhaitham cupped his face with one hand, violently squishing his cheeks. "Life means nothing if you're not by my side." He smashed their lips together, pouring all his determination into his kiss. "I took years to realize it, but I'm no longer running away from my desires."
"You…"
"Let's go home."
Still unconvinced, Kaveh furrowed. "Home?"
"We'll have to make a new one." He seized Kaveh's hand and led him away, far from the mirage's entrance. The view of his real body disappeared, blocking his escape route from the bottled paradise— it was alright. He had chosen to discard that. "The studio where I found you is not bad. Want to start from there?"
Kaveh bit down his lower lip as he relaxed under Alhaitham's touch. Though it was difficult for him to accept it, he seemed willing to make the effort. Even if, knowing Alhaitham was sacrificing his life to be with him surely ate at him from the inside out. "I'll show you around."
"Paint me excited for the tour."
Kaveh's palms were cold, his thumbs frozen. It was a fresher kind of cold, though, like the lingering sensation on one's hands after being soaked in water for too long. Gentle and pleasant. Just like the life Kaveh had led outside of that oasis.
Alhaitham allowed himself to look back once more.
He may also become a water creature someday. His hair would turn blue and wobble in response to his emotions. Or, perhaps, he would forever remain a visitor to the mirage, suspended between life and death in a mysterious trance.
Archaeologists would find their bodies out there, and wonder what in the world happened to them. But, alas, Alhaitham had never been the type of man who'd stress about the future. The present was more important.
And, oh… his present was full of Kaveh's bright smiles, and that was all he required.
"Can you cook for me tonight?"