Chapter Text
He sighs heavily in frustration, haphazardly kicking off the covers and sheets that’s swathed across his body as he blinks his eyes open and stares vacantly up at the ceiling.
He can’t sleep.
He’d been laying here for nearly three hours already, attempting to force himself in a deep slumber because he knows that if he doesn’t then all he’s going to be thinking about is Jake and their argument earlier.
They’d had disagreements before about mundane issues; things that were minimal enough to have them apologizing to each other only hours later and had them both playfully reprimanding themselves about how silly the argument was to begin with.
But this was different.
This wasn’t an argument that they disregarded with insouciance like the others and it wasn’t about something of minimal significance.
This particular argument had them both spewing venomous words of aggression and accusations at each other — it’d progressed from them talking to yelling so quickly that neither of them had even realized what was happening. They were both responding and acting viscerally on impulse, not even giving it a second’s regard to try to de-escalate the situation like they normally did (which he now deeply regrets because he knows it could’ve easily been avoided; that it didn’t have to come to this point but they were both being stubborn and foolish and saying things that they didn’t mean.)
The argument had been festering all day, inevitable in its retreat. They both felt it pending from the way they’d been acting a little distant from each other, using Lexy as the mediator of communication instead of addressing each other and their blatant attempts of avoiding being alone together.
Neither of them wanted to admit it out loud, but they both felt the other slowly pulling away and recoiling from the relationship. Devon thought that if he didn’t acknowledge the unresolved issues between them then he wouldn’t have to deal with the possibility of Jake breaking up with him.
He was fine pretending that they were fine (even if internally he could feel the love of his life slowly slipping away from him.)
He thought that maybe he was being smothering, so he decided to give Jake a little space. He didn’t like it because being around Jake always made him feel the most content and safe but he was willing to give up anything to make sure that Jake wouldn’t leave him even his own happiness.
But it seemed as if his efforts were futile because Jake started disappearing more and his responses to Devon’s texts became more delayed in hours and he was coming late to their dates, offering halfhearted apologies with chaste kisses on the cheek.
Devon felt like he was the only one holding on to the remnants of their relationship, while Jake and his heart had let go long ago.
can’t make it tonight.
Was Jake’s monotonous response when Devon texted him an invite to come over to accompany him and Lexy for their movie night. He didn’t even bother to masquerade the hurt and disappointment that he felt when Lexy noticed the frown on his face and questioned what was wrong.
…
He asked Jake to come over.
His mom’s out of town for the weekend and had granted him permission in inviting Jake over so that he wouldn’t be alone. With how everything’s been going between them recently, Devon thought time alone would give them the opportunity to reconnect with each other. He sends Jake the welcoming text with anticipation of a hasty response.
But fifteen minutes past and the message still says delivered. So he busies himself with homework while he waits, hoping that Jake would respond soon.
Half an hour later he’s cleaning up around the house, still waiting. He sends another text; just in case Jake had somehow missed the first one.
It’s bleeding into an hour later when he finally sees read at the bottom of the screen with no response accompanied afterwards. It’s become blatantly obvious that he was no longer someone of importance in Jake’s life. This realization dawns upon him suddenly, that his fears were real and that he’d lost someone he couldn’t imagine being without.
And he’s suddenly angry and sobbing uncontrollably on the couch, with his chest heaving and his breathing coming out in rugged heaps. He ends up crying himself to sleep that night; waking up in a startled jolt with his throat scratchy, eyes puffed and nose clogged still with no message from Jake.
…
It’s a school when he finally sees him again; he’s with Lexy standing at the lockers, laughing and talking without any regards of caring that he left Devon unanswered and abandoned. How could he act so nonchalant and cavalier like this? Suddenly everything’s getting overwhelming and Devon could feel his eyes welding with tears (he’s cried so much this weekend he’s surprised that his body has enough fluid to produce more.) and school’s the last place he wants to be right now, so he turns around and hurriedly walks out the front doors.
where are you?
The message comes from Lexy almost twenty minutes after his abrupt departure. It was foolish to think it would be Jake, but Devon’s heart did skip a beat when he felt his phone vibrating at the notification and the disappointment settled in immediately afterwards when he saw that it wasn’t.
He tells her that he isn’t feeling well and would be staying in today, thanking her for the check in. At least someone cared.
He’s laying on the bed deep into season 3 of Gilmore Girls when he hears a tap on his window. He pauses the screen and peers over his shoulder to see Jake crouched on the oversill of the roof; gesturing for him to open the window. Devon inwardly contemplated on whether he should let him in, but then he’s clambering off of the bed and approaching the window with full intentions of expressing his feelings to Jake about his recent behavior.
He unlatched the locks and pried the window up far enough for Jake to maneuver his body through. Once he’s inside, Jake shrugs off his bag that was on his shoulder and sets it on the ground so that he’s able to wrap his arms around himself.
“What are you doing here?” Devon asked, closing the window shut and making his way back to his bed. And Jake has the audacity to look offended by Devon’s question and tone as if him asking that is some kind out outlandish thing to say.
His face contorts, “Lexy told me that you weren’t feeling well. I wanted to come check on you.”
Devon rolls his eyes, not at all swayed by Jake’s apparent care. “I’m fine. You can go.”
Jake sighed deeply, shaking his head as his jaw clenched. “I don’t even know why I bother anymore…” He murmured, pushing himself off of the dresser he was leaning against as he reached down for his bag.
Devon doesn’t know if Jake intended on him hearing the comment (and at the moment Jake’s feelings about anything were irrelevant to the point because Devon’s more focused on the meaning behind it and why it felt like a indiscreet remark towards him.) but he turns and furrows a confused look at him with his eyebrows raised.
“What?”
Jake paused, turning back around to face him.
“I said, I don’t even know why I bother trying anymore.” He enunciated louder this time with slight aggravation lilting in his voice.
“No, I heard you. I’m just curious to know what that means,” Devon rebuttals, now clambering to his feet again and standing athwart from Jake. “Because if anyone’s been trying here, it’s been me not you. You haven’t been around! You’ve been distant and weird and you take hours to respond to my texts or you just ignore them completely. At first, I thought maybe I was smothering you too much so yeah, I decided to give you space but then I started trying again and you just— don’t care anymore.”
“I do care—”
“No, you don’t!” Devon lamented, pursing his lips in a frown. “If you did then I wouldn’t be feeling like this, Jake. I wouldn’t be thinking that you’re pulling away from me because you want me to break up with you so that you don’t have to do it yourself.”
Jake lowers his eyes as he looked away. He doesn’t verbally respond, only thins his lips in a frown. “Devon…” His voice sounds wretched and a little defeated in a way that scares Devon.
Because he knows his worst fears are coming true.
“You want to break up?” He asks outright, sniffling softly as he wiped at his cheeks that were stained with tears. He hasn’t even realized he had started crying. The despair that he’s feeling gets worse because Jake doesn’t deny Devon’s accusations or even bother to reassure him that they’re okay.
He just stares blankly at the floor, too ashamed to meet his gaze.
And Devon doesn’t know if not saying anything or confirming it is worse. All he knows is he’s never felt this heartbroken before and he never thought that Jake would be the one to do it. His chest begins to tighten and he could feel the back of his eyes burn as more tears gathered in his pupils.
He doesn’t know where they went wrong or how it go to this point. He doesn’t even bother asking because he’s too afraid of the answer, afraid that Jake would tell him that he wasn’t enough anymore or that he found someone different. Better.
His vision begins to blur as his feelings overwhelm him. He turns away, biting down on his trembling lower lip. “You want to break up? Then we’re through. There, I got it out of the way for you so you can go back to whoever’s gotten your attention lately.”
“Don’t do that.” Jake accosts; causing Devon to turn back around to face him. “Don’t make me feel like the bad guy here when you’ve been distant just as much as I have. You say it was to give me space but I know that it’s because you wanted that time apart!”
Anger’s seething within Devon.
When did Jake become this person he doesn’t even recognize anymore? The Jake he knows knew would never treat him like this. The old Jake would’ve hugged and kissed him and promised that they would be okay even if it meant putting in all of their efforts towards reconciliation. But this Jake? He seemed like he couldn’t even be bothered with Devon’s feelings.
And if Jake wouldn’t be bothered then neither would he.
“Get out. Get away from me, Jake. I never want to see you again,”
Jake looks a bit taken aback but recoils almost immediately as he grabs his bag and shrugs it back over his shoulder. He doesn’t say anything as he makes his departure through the window, climbing out the same way he arrived.
…
“So, you guys broke up?”
Devon shrugs, giving her a noncommittal response. Truthfully, he didn’t know. The words were said out loud but technically Jake didn’t acknowledge it. Regardless of the fact, it’s been days since their fight and they haven’t seen each other or spoken since.
Maybe he’d been right. Maybe Jake was looking for an out and lucky for him Devon gave it right to him.
“You guys will be okay. People fight and sometimes say things that they don’t mean. You’ll be okay, you’ll see.”
…
Days turn to weeks, weeks into months, and suddenly Jake’s becoming a passing face in the hallway. He doesn’t sit at their table with them at lunch anymore and Lexy doesn’t mention his name whenever it’s just the two of them hanging out even though he knows that they’re still friends.
It takes time but Devon slowly begins to recover from the heartbreak; no longer crying himself to sleep at night or reminiscing through their memories in his photos on his phone anymore.
Then, it’s Lexy’s birthday and when he walks into her house with his gift in tow, and his arms extended outwards to greet her in a hug, he sees Jake in his peripheral vision standing off hand-in-hand with some guy in the living room.
He looks happy.
Happier than he remembers seeing him in a long time.
“I’m sorry,” Lexy interjects, retracing him from his reverie as she frowned apologetically. “I forgot he asked to invite Jared,”
Jared and Jake, how cute.
But he relents in making any comments about it; not wanting to redirect the attention away from Lexy’s night or cause any unnecessary drama. They broke up and Jake moved on, he couldn’t fault him for that.
“It’s fine,” Devon assures her with a dismissive wave of her hand. He clears his throat before holding up the gift with a raised brow. “Where should I put this?”
“In the living room where all the others are.”
He nods, before making his way through the living room to set her gift down. He looks up to see Jake approaching, laughing as he’s tugging Jared’s hand forward. He falters a bit when he looks up and sees Devon standing there; almost stuck with his eyes slightly widened and his mouth parted agape.
They stand there looking at each other for a while; he could feel the smothering intensity of Jake’s eyes as they looked over him. He looks away first, suddenly feeling overwhelmed by Jake’s stare in the way he used to feel like when they were dating. Jake’s eyes had a way of seducing him and making him feel like the most beautiful person in the world.
But he wasn’t Jake’s to look at like that. Not anymore. Not when he’s standing here holding some other guys hand.
“Dev, I didn’t know you were here.”
Devon nods, shrugging a shoulder half heartedly. “It’s Lexy’s party and Lexy’s my friend so…”
“No, no. Right! I didn’t mean it like that.”
He notices Jared’s hand tightening around Jake’s in an almost possessive manner like he’s waiting for an introduction or like he’s impatiently waiting for the conversation to end. Devon grants Jared’s wish and hurriedly excused himself, walking off to another room in the house keeping his distance from the two of them.
He remains hidden throughout the night, keeping his distance from others and only joining in with the rest of them when it was time to sing happy birthday to Lexy. He leaves a little bit after, telling Lexy he’s sorry to cut the celebration short. But she’s more than understanding and squeezes him a little tighter when they hug.
…
It’s later that night when he receives a text message. He recognizes the number instantly. Although the number wasn’t saved in his phone anymore, Jake’s number was something that was deeply embedded into his memory.
He contemplated on opening it; balancing the decision to leave Jake in the past or allow his curiosity to get the better of him.
He unlocks his phone and blocks the number, not even bothering to open the message. Whatever Jake had to say was too late. There was no need for reconciliation at this point, nor with all the time’s that passed and everything that’s happened with them.
Him and Jake’s relationship was a distant memory and it would remain as such.