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No matter what it took, Ayumu refused to sleep. No matter how tired they felt, they would not close their eyes and be welcomed by the cold fingertips of oblivion. No matter how comfortable their bed was, they wouldn’t surrender to it. No matter how much they felt like it, falling asleep was the last thing that they wanted.
Insomnia wasn’t the reason, of course. It never had been, though now it could be up for consideration since they avoided it so avidly like the plague. From time to time, they did end up losing the fight and exhaustion overtook them. Those rare instances, however, had the nasty common habit of being terrifying, horrific, and monstrous.
A chill colder than ice ran down their back as the painful imagery resurfaced in their mind. They were running as fast as their feet could carry them with a dark figure slowly but surely closing the distance, maniacal laughter filling the air. Just when they thought they were safe, they never were. In front of them, the figure would appear and pounce with a crazed shout, beginning in a struggle where Ayumu would emerge as the loser. They could no longer move of their own accord.
And that was just the beginning of the nightmare.
They had to stop thinking about it. Drawing in a steadying breath to fill non-existent lungs, they tried to shove their mind away from the vague flashes of light and feelings within their mind. Every time they tried to fall asleep, thinking that the nightmares wouldn’t reach them, they were proven wrong over and over again. There were no more chances, no more ‘what ifs’, no more fits of exhaustion that were too overpowering to fight. They survived on much more strenuous conditions without rest, they could go for longer.
Except the excitement over the past few days left them utterly deflated and weary. Every inch of their being screamed for rest, begging to pay the price by facing the nightmares. Ayumu couldn’t allow it. Even if their mind was exhausted beyond comprehension, they couldn’t dare to think of how thin they would be stretched when they next opened their eyes. They’d be jumping at shadows, unable to think straight, slowly but surely dance down that spiral to a feared mental breakdown.
They could always go to Zorro, of course. Their father and best friend through so many hardships. He practically knew Ayumu and their secret troubles like the back of his hand, yet they never felt truly happy with themselves going to him for comfort. Judging by the time now, he would be asleep, and they didn’t want to wake him or their other dad.
After putting on a front for everyone else, it would be idiotic and childish to give in and wander down to the workshop to ask for comfort from a nightmare. How silly that would be. Ayumu could imagine it now with sour clarity: them wandering downstairs like a lost soul and waking up their fathers. Caeli would be more concerned than he should be, asking Ayumu if they wanted to rest with the two and alarmed about such a happy person asking for something so… they already said it… childish! They were not a child!
Ayumu still had to distract themselves with something. Their fingers clacked against their arm, the sound of ceramic against ceramic sending sharp jolts through their ears and making them wince. Well, they had to think of something!
With a great deal of effort, they leaned over and snatched the console controller off of their nightstand, looping one arm around one of their pillows for balance. They settled back into place, placing the pillow over their crossed legs to lean on. For a few moments, they held the controller aloft in their hands, staring at the black and empty television screen blankly.
No… they didn’t feel like playing video games at all. Their one safe place had evaded them.
A silent, disappointed sigh left them as they drooped like a plant without water. They couldn’t understand, were they just that exhausted? No. They couldn’t sleep, they had to stay awake. They couldn’t go back there…
Slowly, an aching feeling developed in the core of their being, becoming stronger and stronger as it burned at their throat and their eyes. Really? Were they seriously going to cry over not wanting to sleep? What a toddler! What a stupid-- they curled over the pillow more, their teeth gritting-- stupid thing to do! They weren’t five! They were thousands of years old! Surely by now, they’d get a grip on themselves!
They weren’t too afraid to cry within the confines of their room, but they felt no less ashamed of being such an idiot to even think about crying to vent out their emotions. Didn’t they have to swallow it and smile? The past was over and done with, they were safe now, so why were they still a mess whenever it crossed their mind?
What would have been a strained noise escaping through clenched teeth suddenly broke off as they froze as still as a statue. Their grip on the pillow tightened as the sound of something moving finally registered in their ears. Someone was coming! No, they couldn’t be seen like that.
Ayumu was just in the process of scrambling, wiping any tears that formed in their eyes and holding back any shuddering breaths, before they realized that the sounds weren’t coming from their door. That meant that no one was walking in to check on them. But that also made them turn towards their window.
Had it always been cracked open like that?
Wariness and hints of desperate pleading settled in as they watched it, their mind working furiously through the stress and exhaustion. Why would it be open? Ayumu grew more tense, their chest burning more. If it was who they thought it was, then he needed to leave! They couldn’t-- they weren’t-- going to let him see them like this. The thought made them sick, especially since he knew what haunted them in their sleep. He’d use it against them! To tease them!
The aching feeling growing more in their being, they slid silently off the bed, leaving the pillow behind as they quietly made their way over to the window. Maybe they just forgot they left the window open and some random noise like a creaking tree or an animal startled them. Maybe they were being too paranoid! Wouldn’t hurt to check it out, since having him around would change how they could act in their room.
Ayumu thrust up the window pane, staring down at the darkened area around them. They didn’t need any searching at all to look right at a mop of blond hair with orange scarves just below the sill.
He was there.
“You stalking again?” they hissed. Curious, they thought they’d be more annoyed to see him there. They really had to be tired then.
Dark red eyes looked dolefully up at them though not without a hint of satisfaction. Or was that smugness? Whatever it was, Ayumu didn’t appreciate it in the slightest. He was under their window.
“No,” he said. The lie was as clear as day. “I was waiting for you to sleep so I could do my job.”
“Still stalking.” Ayumu took their hands down and rested their elbows on the window sill as they glared tiredly at him. “I already told you my dreams are off limits and you’re getting none of them from me.”
For the longest time, Ayumu thought they had gotten it across clearly enough that they weren’t going to surrender their dreams to Vilmo, especially after that disaster Calytrix egged them into. Didn’t Vilmo already know what their dreams were about too? What was so exciting about them, anyway? Did he like seeing them tortured whenever they closed their eyes? He found joy in that, didn’t he?
They still couldn’t find themselves being too angry with him tonight. Even sleeping felt more appetizing than having to entertain him.
“I have a job to do still and you looking like a zombie is getting my hopes up,” he said.
“You’re forgetting who the zombie is here.”
All Vilmo could do was shrug and give one of his trademarked annoyingly mysterious smiles. He obviously knew who the zombie was, and it certainly wasn’t them. Ayumu gave a tiny strained noise, sounding as if they were near tears, which was true. He did barge in right before they were about to have a mental breakdown.
“Well,” they continued, trying and failing to keep the strenuous tone out of their words, “I’m not going to sleep so you better give up. Just leave me alone tonight.”
Hooves thumped on soft ground as Vilmo made his way closer to the window. He finally reached out and his hands brushed on the side of the house, a curious smile etched onto his face as he studied Ayumu closely. Why was it that when he stared at them like that, they somehow forgot to be as annoyed as they were before?
“Why say that when you look about ready to fall over?” he said in a tease. Tilting his head to the side, his smile lost its smug edge. “And why’s that? You sound like you’re having a rough night already.”
Who was he to start caring so fast? Ayumu’s scowl deepened and the leaned farther out of the window, glaring down at him. “Maybe I just want to be left alone! Go be a creepy stalker to somebody else!”
Vilmo’s smile widened again and a hum rumbled in the back of his throat. “I don’t need to see your dreams to know you want me around, you know. On the topic of dreams though, I can get those nightmares to leave you alone for the night.”
“You’re sure persistent,” they said, inwardly noting that he was right. While they would’ve argued the point more, they found themselves too tired to truly be committed to the act. “Just get in, the open window’s making the room cold.”
They stepped back, allowing Vilmo to silently climb in. His entrance would have been considered graceful if it weren’t for one of his trailing scarves to get caught on the latch. In a far less smooth series of movements, he flopped onto the floor in a heap before quickly gathering himself back up. All he did to cover up that embarrassing display was wipe off his shoulder as he strode into the room.
While Ayumu and Vilmo never saw eye to eye since their first encounter in the desert, they always felt some sort of comfort radiate off of him despite all of the nasty things between them. They could remember that encounter as if it were yesterday, where he looked exactly like their long-lost friend. Deep down below that harsh surface, they were there, still wanting to talk even if this new exterior was against it.
Still, Vilmo wasn’t so bad. Ayumu thought he meant well, even now.
Ayumu closed the window behind him, feeling some of the weight magically disappear off of their shoulders as if lifted up by a sudden gust of wind. It felt nice with him here, as crazy as that sounded. Even if they weren’t exactly friends, they always found a middle ground here where they could tolerate each other.
“You must be really tired if you’re not playing games tonight,” Vilmo said conversationally. They turned to find him beside the bed, holding the controller up to examine it as he glanced at the television out of the corner of his eye. “You normally have those going on.”
“The next time you have the smart idea to camp outside my window, forget it.” They marched over to him, took the controller out of his hand, and tossed it back onto the mess of pillows and blankets. “You can just knock and ask to be let in like a normal person. You’re just weird like this.”
“Awe, is this a formal invitation from Mumu? I’m honored.”
That nickname again. Ayumu’s scowl deepened, but their face felt as if they stood next to a heater. Vilmo had to be messing with the air around them with that strange smoke power of his again, that had to be the reason. Every time they were around each other, he had the gall to do something like that.
“However you want to put it. It’s just creepy with you hanging out under my window.”
It didn’t look like Vilmo could argue with that. He nodded with understanding, but to Ayumu’s great annoyance, he didn’t appear sold on the idea. They found that they didn’t quite mind it this time around.
“So you’re avoiding sleep again? I thought I was clear enough before, I’m not going to use your dreams against you.”
Ayumu’s brow screwed up as they walked over to the bed, flopping down on it. Yes, they knew that but they couldn’t exactly hold Vilmo up to his word. There was always some exception to his promises, no matter how much he spun it. It was only a matter of time before they grew comfortable in Vilmo’s web only to get spun up and bitten.
“And trust you? Fat chance,” they said, staring up at the ceiling.
“You let me in,” Vilmo pointed out. Could they hear a hint of teasing in his voice?
Reaching out to the side, they clutched one of their pillows, their ceramic fingers digging into the soft material. It didn’t take any thinking from them at all to suddenly hoist it up in a long, sweeping arc and throw it at the scarf-clad figure. The pillow sailed through the air and hit Vilmo straight in the face, who made a surprised but muffled sound. A second later, he caught the pillow, giving Ayumu an offended look.
“I’m not up for arguing right now,” they said. Ayumu’s hand flopped back on the bed as they ignored the incredulous glare, “Just do whatever you want. Be a nerd and read.”
Vilmo didn’t reply, which was just as well as them not doing anything. The thing that made Ayumu’s inner being jump was the sudden weight displacement on their bed. The mattress, which had sunk ever so slightly to hold them, suddenly dipped to the side to accommodate the new person on the bed. What was he thinking?! Ayumu looked up at him as Vilmo settled himself into a seated position right beside them, holding some kind of book of his.
“What are you doing?!” they asked, mortified.
A mock confused look settled over Vilmo’s face, giving him the appearance of a kicked dog. Utterly pathetic. Though as quickly as it came, the expression melted away as the smugness settled back in.
“You told me to do whatever, so I’m doing whatever,” he said in a matter-of-fact tone, voice dripping with contempt, “Look, I even got a book.”
The pages flapped as they waved it in front of Ayumu’s face, which made their annoyance with the other spark up half-heartedly. While they tried to be upset with the other and shove the book in his face all while complaining about him being insufferable, they just couldn’t muster it up anymore.
In fact, they didn’t feel like clinging to any annoyance at all anymore. At least, not for the moment, as it would all come rushing back the moment the two met outside of the bedroom. For now, they’d put the facade away and just enjoy Vilmo like they wanted to.
Vilmo busied himself with his book as Ayumu inched closer to him, feeling the full drag of exhaustion catching up to them. They could never properly explain it. He felt so comfortable to be around, an unspoken lullaby luring them into a sense of calm and rest. He was a slow but insistent tide that dragged them deeper into the depths, and they stopped fighting the current.
“What are you reading?” Their voice broke through the silence.
“Work stuff,” Vilmo said vaguely. His responses were always annoyingly curt, never giving answers and only opening up more questions. Work stuff? What work stuff? They needed to know more! Despite that, they felt too tired to hound him about it.
Frowning slightly as curiosity still clung to them like their everpresent sleepiness, Ayumu closed the distance between them and rested the side of their face on Vilmo’s shoulder. At that, he gave an involuntary twitch at the sudden contact, though quickly relaxed as if it never happened.
Ayumu couldn’t explain how comfortable they felt being next to him-- or rather-- leaning into him. For some reason, Vilmo always radiated a comfortable warmth as if they were catching rays of sun on a pleasant day, a wonderful feeling that sunk in like sunlight into the ground. The scarves wrapped around his body made him feel like another bed, but much more fitting for them than their own mattress. Underneath them, they could faintly hear the patter of his heart and with some triumph, noted how much faster it was.
They couldn’t think of much after that. No, they didn’t think about anything at all. Instead, they could feel the calling of sleep so much stronger than before, and for some unexplainable reason, they felt ready to fall into it. There was something with them that would chase the nightmares away.
Vilmo would have a lot to tease them about the next day, but they were too tired to care. They could only wonder why this wasn’t the norm for them already.