Work Text:
There were a few things off with Zhang Hao’s new neighbor.
Before he even had a chance to meet the guy, he noticed a stack of boxes lining the shared hallway. Upon closer inspection due to his own curiosity and need to snoop, he realized that there was an unnecessary amount of technological devices present. Computers, phones, even Apple Showers, plus an assortment of random parts.
There was also a pile of batteries on the floor, too big for usual use. That was weird. No normal person had a need for so many batteries.
Their first interaction was also weird and drew dozens of questions.
Sung Hanbin, the neighbor, was lingering in the hallways for some unknown reason. Standing next to the pile of boxes, he was motionless, still like a perfect Sims character. Deep in thought, possibly. Or, perhaps he was malfunctioning and needed a charge to start moving again.
Hao watched him for a moment until Hanbin whipped around, eyes crawling to him before a smile came to his face. Hanbin waved.
Slowly, Hao waved back. “Hi?”
Hanbin wasn’t blinking. Was he?
“We’re neighbors!” Hanbin exclaimed, leaning down at a ninety-degree angle to pick up a box. His body stayed symmetrical the entire way down, his hands perfectly wrapped around the sides. Very… robotic-like.
“Yeah.” He blinked at their doors across from each other, “I see that.”
“Cool!” Hanbin stared at him, smiling, ominously still. “I would like to speak more in the future.”
Hao nodded, “Yeah. That sounds good.”
There was a pause and Hao swore he could hear the sound of a processor moving. Like a device in near proximity, running off the stacked batteries.
Hao turned around, walking back into his apartment.
Yep. Definitely a robot.
-
“Hello, neighbor. Would you like to exchange numbers?”
Without any other option, Hao complied. He was being stopped in the hallway by a neighbor who was somehow still moving in his piles of batteries and belongings. At least, a phone number was right up Hanbin’s alley, if he was indeed made from technology. Phones were like, his cousin.
So, Hao nodded and allowed Hanbin to input his number.
He was thoroughly convinced that when he sent a message, the notification would appear right above Hanbin’s head.
“Great! I’ll text you. Zhang Hao, right?”
“Yes.” He didn’t question how Hanbin knew that, as it was very likely that he was programmed to know everything in the world, “That’s me.”
“Nice to meet you again. Am I free to text you?”
A robot asking permission. Seemed encoded in his system. Hao nodded again, “Yes. Of course.”
Hanbin’s perfect teeth shone in a smile, “Great. I will do just that, Zhang Hao.”
They dispersed and Hao was left to wonder what the hell he’d just gotten himself into.
-
He got morning texts.
Hanbin: Hi good neighbor Hao, great weather outside today!
Hao: yeah!
Hanbin: It will be mildly windy today, I would suggest bringing a light sweater!
Hao: oh ok
-
He got good night texts.
Hanbin: Hello, Hao. Sleep tight tonight!
Hao: thanks, you too!!
Hanbin: I hope you had a wonderful night
-
He got sport update texts.
Hanbin: I don’t think the Eagles will win this game.
Hao: what game???
-
He got texts with no context.
Hanbin: Vacuum
Hanbin: Sorry, Hao. That was meant for my shopping list!
Hao: all good!
-
He got texts for the sake of getting texts.
Hanbin 12
Hao: what does this number mean ?
Hao: hanbin what
Hanbin: 12!
Hao: oh ok!
-
By day five, Hao truly didn’t know what to expect. Hanbin had to be AI-generated and placed in the middle of his apartment complex. The messages and interactions all seemed planned and unlike any real human he’d ever met before.
Maybe he was the one placed in an alternate world and everyone else was the majority. Maybe he had it reversed. He started to keep note of others in his life, wondering if they exhibited those same robotic mannerisms, but there was no relief. It was just Sung Hanbin.
Every morning he checked outside for cameras to make sure he wasn’t on some kind of reality show. Maybe a prank show, maybe a dating show, maybe a human-lives-with-a-robot-for-a-week and-they-don’t-know-it’s-a-robot kind of show. The possibilities seemed endless.
On his doorstep was a package delivered to the wrong door. It was addressed to Hanbin, which meant that Hao had to interact with him. Seemed like a pretty tactically planned event for a reality show. The producers had started to think outside the box.
He carried out the duty, knocking on Hanbin’s door with the package wrapped in his hands. He’d pay close attention to Hanbin’s appearance throughout their interactions and make notes when something was up.
Hanbin answered the door with a smile. He looked pretty normal to start, besides the bright green sweater, but that was alright. 70% a robot.
“Hi, I think this is for you. They delivered it to the wrong house,” Hao smiled, motioning to the package. He didn’t know what was in it, but if he had to guess, it would be more fucking batteries.
“Oh, hello Zhang Hao!”
That sounded like an automated response from an answering machine, “Umm… hello. This is your package.”
Hanbin’s smile shined again, reaching out hands to intercept the package, “Thank you,” He bowed.
90% a robot.
“What is it?” Hao asked. The urge was too strong. He wouldn’t feel satisfied leaving if he didn’t know.
“Oh, the package.”
“Yes.”
“Just something for work,” Hanbin replied with a small shrug. Every time he stopped speaking, the smile reappeared as if he went back into his default position.
99% a robot.
“Where do you work?” Hao asked, keeping the conversation flowing. Perhaps Hanbin was programmed to not share that information, but the least he could do was try.
“I work for Microsoft!”
Hao’s eyes widened. 1000% a robot.
“You’re employed by Microsoft?” He repeated. Perhaps he heard wrong.
“Yes, that’s right.”
Nope. He heard correctly. “Oh— Oh, okay. Umm…” His eyes darted around the hallway, unable to think of what to say. He’d never engaged with a robot before, what was the standard protocol? Was he supposed to use specific keywords? Did robots understand movement in the same way humans did? All questions were fumbling in his mind.
They both stared at each other. Perhaps Hanbin would only respond when prompted.
“Is there anything else you need, Hao?”
Apparently not, “Nope.” He shook his head, “That’s all.”
“Oh. Alright. Good to see you again!” Hanbin’s smile jumped up and he waved goodbye, closing the door.
-
Hanbin: Hello, Zhang Hao. Thank you for giving me back my package.
Hao: umm yeah its np
Hanbin: I have bought you a present to say my thanks. Please let me know when you are home so I can give it to you. Thank you.
That wasn’t the message he was expecting. A present? Were robots capable of that? Maybe artificial intelligence was close to taking over the world. If they were capable of human emotions, that reality might be closer than he thought.
Hao: oh, a present
Hanbin: Yes 🙂
Hao: now is fine, im home
He expected to have a little time before Hanbin arrived, but no, he was given all of thirty seconds before there was a knock on his door. A robotic-sounding knock at that.
Slowly, he stepped to the door, pressing his ear to the side to see if he could hear any mechanical noises. Perhaps a few beeps like R2D2. Maybe Hanbin would even have a low battery and start to power down. What would Hao do if that happened? He’d have to run into Hanbin’s apartment and find a battery that would work. With the amount that Hanbin brought in, there seemed to be many different types. Too many possibilities. Hao wasn’t prepared to deal with any of them.
After no noise other than light breathing, which Hao ultimately questioned, he answered the door. “Hello.”
“Hello, Hao. I brought you some cookies,” His arms pushed out a small plastic box forward, holding a dozen bright yellow sprinkled cookies.
Hao’s eyes brightened at the sight, always loving some good cookies, “Oh, thank you.” As he reached to grab them, the perfect idea came to mind. It would be the ultimate test, the one to decide whether his theory was correct or not. “Do you want one?”
Hanbin blinked like he wasn’t expecting the question. “Huh?”
“Do you want a cookie? I don’t think I’d be able to eat all twelve by myself,” He smiled, selling the look.
“That’s alright,” Hanbin politely declined, shaking his head.
Hao pouted, “Are you sure? They look tasty!”
“I am alright, thank you, though.”
Two denies. With that, Hao gave it up, bidding him goodbye. The door shut, and he was just even more sure.
Still a robot.
-
Granted, Hanbin looked like a completely normal human. Hao was just almost positive that wasn’t the case. There was no way the universe could naturally generate someone so… perfect. Hanbin had no noticeable flaws. There was nothing Hao could pinpoint that would stand out as something to count against him. Hanbin had to be coded in a lab, one on a mission to create a flawless being.
Nobody had ever sent cookies as a thanks for returning a package one door down. Nobody had made an effort to text so often, to reach out and offer kind words. Hanbin was not real. Hao wanted to get to the bottom of it
Hanbin: Thank you again! I hope my gift was suitable.
Hao yeah ofc
Hao: hey i was just wondering… do you ever… eat food?
Hanbin: Of course, I eat food! Us humans, we eat food all of the time!
Hao: oh brother
That certainly didn’t help the case at all.
Hao: whats your favorite food then?
Hanbin: I'll have to get back to you about that.
Hao stared up. Oh. That was the biggest mystery of all, though. If Hanbin couldn’t answer that question, where did that leave them? Maybe he wasn’t programmed to know about the types of foods.
Yet another day when Hao went to bed confused out of his mind.
-
When he awoke, there was a surprisingly revolutionary text waiting for him.
Hanbin: My favorite food is pizza 🙂
It seemed like they just updated his hardware. Hanbin had access to the food expansion task. There was still more Hao could do, still more questions he had.
Hao: okay that sounds good!
Hao: ill buy u a pizza, just lmk when
Hanbin: Oh, that is nice of you! Anytime would work.
Anytime? Hao would take that literally.
Hao: ill order it now if youre home
Hanbin: I am!
Green light! He had never hopped out of bed as quickly as he had. Hao fumbled for the phone and dialed in a pizza, simultaneously placing his socks and shirt on at the same time, running a finger through his hair, ready to knock on Hanbin’s door.
Finally. He would get the confirmation either way.
The pizza didn’t come fast enough. He was waiting outside the door, leaping for the knob the second he heard the doorbell. Within ten seconds flat, he was outside of Hanbin’s door, knocking, jumping with anticipation.
Hanbin opened the door, offered those damn pearly whites, and invited him into the apartment. It was a new setting as he’d yet to see the interior, but it somehow only made him more suspicious. Everything was orderly, clean, and appealing to the eyes.
Hao was too busy looking at the damn chandelier above Hanbin’s sink that he hardly even noticed a piece of the pizza missing, held in a certain robot's hand.
Eyes growing wide, his gaze fixed on the slice that was about an inch from Hanbin’s open mouth.
He took a bite, he chewed, and he swallowed.
Hao froze, pointing a finger, “Hanbin, you just…”
“Hm?”
“You just swallowed that.”
Hanbin raised an eyebrow, “Yes?”
Revelations unfolding right before his eyes. Maybe Hao was wrong. “I didn’t know robots could eat human food.”
Hanbin’s mouth dropped open, showing a real form of emotion that wasn’t a blinding smile. “What? I’m sorry?”
Maybe he wasn’t 100% sure. “You’re… you’re a robot, right?”
The shock never left his face, “How did you even get to that conclusion?”
“The texts! All of the batteries! You’re employed by Microsoft!” Hao tried to contest his point, only gradually realizing how absurd it was. There was a possibility he had gotten it all wrong. Well, less of a possibility, more of a direct confirmation, but that evidence was still there.
“I… just work there. At the building.” Hanbin replied, his shoulders drooping.
Instantly, Hao felt guilty. Why had he assumed Hanbin wasn’t real in the first place? And to say it to his face? He should have kept to himself, “Oh… that makes sense.
“I’m a computer engineer, that’s why I have so many batteries.”
“Oh…”
“And I was just being a friendly neighbor.”
Hao bit his lip, “Oh.”
“So, your conclusion was that I’m a robot?” He asked, leaning against the counter. With that, he took another bite of the pizza.
“Well, I guess,” Hao hated to admit it, but it was the truth. Should he admit to analyzing every move Hanbin made? Probably not, “You just seemed too perfect to be a real person. Nice, attractive, and… well suited to live on this earth. I thought you just had to be a carefully constructed robot.”
Hanbin blinked back, looking off to the side. He scratched the back of his head, flashing back a small smile, “Oh, thank you.”
“Really, in the end, I didn’t mean anything bad with the assumption.”
“I see.”
“And frankly, now that I know you’re an actual human, I think my faith in human society is restored. Only one perfect man, potential robot in the world, and he happened to move in right next to me.”
Hanbin let that smile grow as he let out a small laugh, “Oh, Hao. You’re flattering me.”
“I’ll give credit where credit is do,” He took a deep breath, taking a step forward. The pizza was completely out of the picture, when all he could look at was the very much human Hanbin, “Why don’t we start over? And this time, I’ll see you as nothing but a human, making his own very good conscious decisions.”
Hanbin took the same step forward, holding out his hand, “I’d like that. Nice to meet you, neighbor Zhang Hao. Beep Beep.”
Hao couldn’t hold back his laughter, enjoying the bright look that fell on Hanbin’s face.
He was wrong. A robot could never be so perfect.