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"Fucking hell, this place is cold as shit!"
Carlos sighed, dropping his and Lando's suitcases directly on the floor of the cabin's entryway.
"It's called winter, Daniel"
"That is not winter, that is Snowpiercer's weather! Narnia under the ice queen's reign! The litteral ice age!"
"I have none of those references"
"You suck so much, Sainz"
Lando giggled at that, closing the heavy wooden door in a an earnest to try and save some heat from the inside.
"He litteraly hasn't seen any movie ever, he's the worst"
"Please, you can't say I haven't seen anything when you never watched The Godfather", Carlos argued, already busying himself around the fireplace.
"He hasn't?! That's a classic!" Max interjected.
"He won't listen to me, he never does."
"You love it", Lando said, kneeling close to him with a malicious smirk on his face.
"Maybe I do"
The fire making was then abruptly interrupted by their lips crashing and Lando swiftly climbing onto Carlos' lap, tangling his hands in his hair.
Daniel chuckled, a bitter mingle of loneliness and envy filling his chest like a deep breathe of poisoned air. Max looked away, clearly not feeling like sharing that moment of intimacy. His cheeks had turned bright red and he was staring at the ceiling of the cabin, pretending to be fascinated by the architecture. Daniel cleared his throat.
"Okay lovebirds, maybe we should get the fire going before the one in your pants takes over?"
Carlos separated himself from Lando, blinking at him like he was just realising what he had been up to. His boyfriend dropped his hands from his hair to around his shoulders, taunting Daniel with a smug grin.
"Be thankful we're still wearing pants at all, Ricciardo"
Max' eyes rolled so high he probably got a glimpse of behind his own head. Dirty talk and jokes were usually his thing, but Daniel had noticed that it seemed less so around Carlos and Lando now that he was aware of their relationship. Maybe toning it down was his way of telling them he respected it, or maybe he just felt intimidated. They weren't exactly a discreet couple, and Daniel knew how easily Max's boundaries could get crossed.
But they all got along quite well and their not-so-collective journey around Lando and Max's headspaces had brought them closer than ever before. They all needed some peace and quiet after a long - awfully long - season on track and Daniel figured; why not? Two weeks in the Swiss Alps, just the four of them, in an absolutely stunning cottage they'd never have to leave because everything would already be ready for them. When he checked the refrigerator, he was more than pleased to find it full almost to the point of bursting all over the floor. Perfect.
They could ski, but Daniel didn't really feel like it. Maybe Max would. He probably would. Daniel was more than happy staying warm and cosy around the fireplace and wait for him there.
Maybe Max would regress, but there was no little star sticker on the calendar and most importantly no pressure. Winter break was made to relax, not to plan anything ahead. If it happens, it happens; they had all the time, privacy and space here to care for their boys.
Did he secretly carry the hope that Max would regress and bless him with one or two full days of cuddling and playing in the snow? Yes, but he would cather to Max's needs no matter what. Maybe he should've discussed it with Carlos, figured if they did have a schedule for Lando, but it seemed like the two or them were more planning on making out over every piece of furniture in the cabin for the time being.
Daniel swallowed his own spit, trying his hardest to make jealousy look like annoyance. When Max left the living room to unpack, he decided that would be a wise idea for him to follow.
"I'll go unpack in my room, you guys try not to make a mess anywhere near the eating areas"
When he reached the top of the wooden stairs, he could see Lando through the balustrade, already half laying down on the kitchen counter.
That sure sounded like two very long weeks.
-
Max hadn't regressed out of their planned schedule since his birthday and was proud of it. It was nothing to be proud of, really, just normal behavior that should've been a given but since his mind had decided to act up those last few months, he still tried to take the win.
Christmas with his family had went great, he had a good time and if he had been staring at his nephew's toys for a little too long, no one had noticed. The New Year had been even better, although the massive hangover had almost ruined it. But all in all, he was doing so great.
Sometimes, he would feel himself starting to slip unprompted, but got himself back on track quick enough. He had even been sick for two days at some point before the end of the season and Daniel didn't even hear about it because Max had taken care of himself like a capable adult by downing paracetamol every four hours along with his redbull cans and all was good. It had been months since he hadn't disturbed Daniel's peace for no reason and it felt good to know so.
But those two weeks in the Alps were really going to be a whole new challenge. At first, Max had been convinced Daniel would tell him to get his star stickers so they could pick a day or two (or three, it had been a long season after all) daddy and Maxie days, but he hadn't. Max didn't resent him for it : Daniel was also on a break and deserved to rest. He deserved a bed for himself, time to explore the surroundings and think about whatever Daniel thought about when he walked in nature. Max wished he knew.
Maybe the older man didn't like the idea of showing that side of him in front of Carlos and Lando, either. Max knew he and the brit had absolutely nothing in common in their headspaces. Lando in his little mind must've been so fun to be around for Daniel, hyper and giggly just like him, while Max probably was the most boring person to take care of. Maybe Daniel was just trying to protect him from getting compared to a better little boy.
So he had stocked on ways to entertain himself : his PlayStation, obviously, everything he would need for some snowboarding, his laptop and even a book because he liked to look smart. From the mountain of themed red and white pillows on the bed, Grom was patiently waiting.
Max stared at his lion for a minute, usually not phased by the plushie that would sleep close to his face every night, but growing more and more restless as the days went by.
"Don't look at me like that, no sticker on the calendar. You know what that means"
Max pretended not to notice that his adult self didn't talk to plushies.
-
The first few days went perfectly, putting away any doubt Daniel ever had about this trip.
Max had actually managed to get him to put on a snow suit and try some snowboarding, which he would've absolutely loved if he didn't end up crashing in the snow eight times out of ten. Max never crashed, sliding smoothly around the cabin and showing off for Lando.
The brit also seemed to be a natural, relying on Carlos holding his waist at first but quickly getting more and more confident on his board. Him and Carlos had full races whole meters ahead of them while Max and Daniel tried some tricks. Daniel suspected Max of acting like he was less talented than he actually was to stay behind with him. A soft soul didn't need any spoken words for its kindness to show.
On the fourth day, Lando slipped and took a pretty bad fall, thankfully not breaking anything. He got up cringing, supported by a worried looking Carlos and holding his right wrist.
As soon as Carlos let him fall back on the couch in front of the fireplace, Daniel could see Lando's eyes turn in a way that resembled Max's slips so much it actually surprised him. Carlos didn't seem to see it right away, busy inspecting the injured wrist, feeling the bone between two fingers. When Max joined them back and handed an ice pack to the spaniard, he froze for a second and Daniel caught his eyes. Okay, so he hadn't imagined it.
"Carlos, I think-"
He was immediately interrupted by Lando whining at the contact of the ice pack on his swollen wrist, finally getting Carlos' full attention.
"No papá, it hurts!"
He grabbed the ice pack with a sweep of his free hand and threw it away, almost straight into the fire.
Daniel's instincts urged him to get involved and offer comfort, but Carlos switched his own behavior in a second and caught Lando's uninjured wrist in a swift motion.
"That was very dangerous, jovencito. I know it hurts but I have to make sure you don't need to go to the hospital so you stay still and listen to papá"
Lando let out a pitying sound at that and a pout, but nodded anyway. If Max ever looked at Daniel with those eyes, he would probably get anything he could possibly ask for.
Max just stood there, awkwardly fidgeting with the zippers of his snowsuit. Lando had already met Max in his little headspace, but the opposite hadn't happened yet. Daniel tried and looked for signs of slipping in Max's eyes but saw nothing. The younger looked like he had a task at hand but no idea where to start, when Carlos clearly handled the situation without any help. Max liked being useful, and Daniel liked caring for Max.
"He fell straight into the snow and he must be sore, maybe Max could run him a bath upstairs?"
Carlos nodded absently, still putting light pressure on the swollen wrist with the ice pack he had retrieved and gently making it move in rotating motions.
"Yeah, yeah, would be good. It's not broken but I'll find something to keep it in place"
Max immediately nodded, eager to help.
"A bath, coming right up!"
He sprinted in the crinkly stairs and Daniel stopped himself from yelling at him to be careful. They really didn't need two injured limbs today, but Max was a capable adult. Looking at Carlos kissing Lando's forehead, he wished he wasn't, just for an hour or two.
Lando cuddled close to Carlos, letting him hold his arm and bandage it all around and over his shoulder to lock it in place.
"We'll put a plastic bag over it so it doesn't get wet and I'll check again tomorrow to see if it still hurts. You okay, cariño?"
"I'm okay... sorry I threw the thing"
"It's over now, you're good"
Upstairs, they heard Max's voice calling :
"The bath is ready! I put a lot of bubbles and it overflowed a little but it's fine!"
Daniel chuckled when Lando jumped on his feet, injury long forgotten.
"BUBBLES?!"
-
Once Lando had his bath and flooded the entirety of the bathroom while Daniel and Max were improvising a dinner, the four of them gathered around the fireplace to eat.
Max served all of them in appropriate plates, classic porcelain for Carlos, Daniel and himself while Lando was treated with a pink plastic plate decorated with reindeers and pine trees.
"Where did you find this?"
"In the pantry, I guess they stock things for kids just in case. I can fill his sippy cup if you have it, there isn't any in the kitchen"
Carlos nodded "Don't worry, I'll take care of it. He likes his smoothies a certain way or he won't drink them"
Lando whined as Carlos left for the kitchen, holding Jam close to his heart.
"Papá, stay!"
Daniel ruffled his hair from where he was sitting on the floor, eating on the little coffee table. The closer to the fire he was, the best he was feeling. He would definitely not survive a whole year in any country colder than his own.
"He's making you a very healthy drink so your arm gets better, isn't that sweet?"
"I don't want healthy, I want papá! Healthy sucks!"
Max chuckled. Apparently, Lando swearing was just as funny in both of his headspaces. Daniel watched the younger get comfortable on the couch, patting Lando's knee.
"So I can have your smoothie? Because it sounds really good"
"Noooo... it's mine..."
"But you just said it sucked!"
Lando frowned, a torn expression on his face. He actually looked like he was considering it for a second, giving up his precious homemade smoothie to make his point, but then he crossed his arms around Jam and threw Max a look that could kill.
"You don't get my smoothie because you suck"
"Ay, Lando! Say sorry!" Carlos re entered the room shaking the closed sippy cup with a severe look on his face.
Lando groaned but obeyed straight away. Max didn't hide the smug smile on his face, clearly having fun with the whole situation. That was way better than the clueless expression he had been wearing earlier, at least in Daniel's opinion.
They ate their dinner in comfortable silence until Lando begged Carlos to let him watch Bluey on his laptop. That quickly led to a collective watch session and Daniel kept on eying Max's reaction but to no avail. The dutchman remained perfectly stoic, eating his diner and giving way more of a reaction to Lando's giggles than to the show playing.
Well, Max must have not been in need of his headspace and that was good, right? It meant he was feeling fine and didn't need to relieve any stress at the moment so Daniel should've been grateful. Happy, even.
Except he missed nuzzling in Max's apple scented hair. He missed stroking his back to sleep and playing on his tracks and read kids books before bedtime. He missed the closeness and the certainty that Max wanted him there, needed him close.
Lando and Carlos hovered around each other at any time, comfortably drowning in each other's presence. They understood each other in any mindset and switched back and forth with ease. Daniel and Max weren't like them, no matter how envious he was.
They spent the evening watching the Lego movie, at Lando's insistence, until the youngest passed out on the couch with his head on Carlos' lap and legs spread over both Daniel and Max.
When they headed upstairs to sleep, Daniel would've given anything for Max to just turn around and ask him to sleep in his room, but he didn't.
-
A week into their break, Max was starting to feel kind of... itchy.
Not regressing for almost two months shouldn't have been an issue. He shouldn't need it that bad, it simply wasn't right. Why couldn't he just rely on alcohol or hook ups like a normal person? Why was he only ever truly calmed down by being taken care of and sucking on a dummy in Daniel's arms? Relaxing shouldn't involve bothering someone else all the time.
He tried to make himself as busy as possible, and even started getting really excited about snowboarding but still couldn't shake the growing sense of frustration. As the days passed, resentment simmered beneath the surface, fueled the yearning for what he refused to voice but could feel slowly eating him alive. He watched as Lando and Carlos effortlessly shared gentle moments, and the contrast with his own unfulfilled desires gnawed at his heart. Daniel and him did share a lot, and their friendship wasn't to prove anymore, but any physical contact or kind word was immediately sent to the part of his brain in charge of overthinking and beating himself up.
Daniel, as always, was the one who took the first step everytime and filled their days with activities. Movie nights and cooking together became a routine, but his restlessness persisted.
On the seventh day, he didn't get any sleep.
All night, he rehearsed a single question, again and again, until he got it right or at least as good as it was going to get. His voice sounded assured enough, and he was almost convinced he didn't sound needy or pathetic. He got this, he thought. He would never be Daniel's boyfriend, and that was okay, but he knew he could always ask for his daddy and that was good enough for him.
Anything Daniel would give him was enough for him. But he still had to ask, and that was the terrifying part.
On the eighth day, he cleared his throat and delivered what felt like the speech of a lifetime to Daniel frying some eggs in a pan.
"We could go for a walk today, just you and me"
Daniel looked up, a glimpse of surprise in his eyes, but immediately smiled.
"Sure, that sounds good. I'll be freezing my ass off but some walking can't hurt"
He could've asked why Carlos and Lando weren't invited, why Max had carefully waited for them to go take their morning showers before he asked, but he didn't.
Max sighed as soon as Daniel left the kitchen to get ready for the day himself.
Today, he would tell him. He absolutely would. For his own sake. He could absolutely, definitely do it.
-
Thick layers of snow crunched beneath their boots as they walked between pine trees, the quiet beauty of the winter landscape surrounding the two of them like they were the only ones left on Earth.
Sometimes, Daniel truly wished they were.
In the corner of his eyes, he could see Max pretending to enjoy the view. He always knew when Max faked it.
Unfortunately, his knowledge stopped there, right at the limit between knowing something is wrong and guessing what.
"Max," he began gently, breaking the silence and immediately wondering if it was the right call, "tell me if I'm wrong, but I think you didn't get me out there in ice age Narnia for no reason"
Max snorted, a loud unpleasant sound. Daniel loved it.
"I still don't know what the fuck you're talking about"
"You havent seen Narnia?"
"Why have you seen it, you're ancient"
"Verstappen! How dare you!"
Max giggled until the snow ball Daniel had hurriedly gathered in his gloved hand hit him right in the back of his head.
"Oh you're going to regret this, Ricciardo"
"All bark, no bite, big boy"
Daniel could never get enough of Max's eyes glistening with defiance and malice. Every single bet he ever made with him may have been in the purpose of seeing it.
He dodged the first snowball, but took the second one in the side of his face, a pitying sound escaping his throat.
"Fuck, it's cold!"
"That's dutch skincare for you!"
Max giggled, the sound reverberating in the emptiness of the Alps, and Daniel wished he could keep it forever.
"Get here, you cunt!"
Max tried to dodge but the weight of his snowsuit made him too slow, allowing Daniel to grab him by both arms and throw him in the snow. Was it completely unintentional that he ended up falling on top of him? Daniel himself wasn't sure.
A moment passed. Two seconds. Two hours. Could've easily been anywhere in between.
Daniel on top of Max, their faces closer to each other than ever before, he couldn't stop himself from staring into the ice blue eyes he loved so much. They belonged here, in the beauty of winter, like a painting no one should be able to see but Daniel because only him truly knew how to appreciate it. Their lips hovered closer and closer, almost closing the gap...
"Daddy?"
Daniel's blood ran cold. He jumped away from Max, startled, shame creeping its way through his toes to his scalp. What had he been about to do?
He had almost kissed Max. Almost tasted his lips and touched his face with hands that should've stayed away.
He had almost broke his best friend's trust by making this, their whole relationship, into something it wasn't. He had confused and scared Max so bad he had regressed on the spot, right in front of his eyes.
He hated himself.
Max sat up in the snow, looking at him with eyes full of worry and innocence.
"Daddy okay?"
No, he wasn't. Nothing was okay, and nothing would ever be again. He had ruined everything. He had broke his own promise not to let his feelings ruin everything for Max. As soon as he would get out of his headspace, Max would realise what had triggered it and never talk to him again.
But this Max, his Maxie, needed him right now and he couldn't break his trust a second time.
".. I'm okay Maxie, I was just surprised to see my baby today. I think we should head back, yeah? Playing in the snow was fun but you're going to get sick if you don't remove your suit when it's that wet"
Max seemed to consider his answer, but then nodded, a toothy grin taking up half of his face.
"Okay, but we play in the snow again later?"
You won't want to see me ever again later, Daniel thought.
"Of course love, we have all the time in the world."