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Nora watches June’s hands shake as she presses the end button on the phone. She takes the phone from June and places it to the side, then takes June’s hands in hers and rubs her thumbs gently over the backs. They sit in silence for a few minutes, Nora watching June carefully.
“How do you feel?” Nora asks softly, once June’s hands stop trembling.
June takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. She looks Nora in the eye. “Good,” she says eventually. “I feel good about this decision. I’m glad we took some time to talk about it before I gave them an answer, but I feel like it was the right decision. I’m happy I can do this for my brother. For my brothers,” she amends.
Nora nods. She knows June’s telling the truth, but she also can tell there’s something more. “And?” she prompts.
“And,” June continues, a hint of a smile on her face, and Nora knows it’s for her, that June appreciates that she knows her so well. “I’m nervous.”
“Okay,” Nora says, shifting so she’s sitting cross-legged across from June on the bed. “Specifics. Let’s hear it. You know how this goes: you tell me what you’re worried about and we’ll talk about it logically.”
June opens her mouth to say something, but Nora cuts her off. “I know – emotions aren’t always logical. Babe, your emotions are valid because they’re yours, but also it makes sense you’d be nervous. So let’s talk about it and if you’re still feeling that after we talk, it’s okay. Look, surrogacy is big, and it’s okay to have some complicated feelings about it.”
“All right,” June says. “But we need to acknowledge that being two women in a relationship talking about feelings is so damn cliche.”
“Yeah, I know,” Nora says. “It’s the lesbian stereotype, even if neither of us is technically a lesbian. Moving on. Your worries about being the surrogate for Alex and Henry?”
June takes a deep breath, and then lets out a torrent of concerns. “I’m worried that the implant won’t take, and the boys will be crushed. I know it won’t be my fault, per se, but it will feel like it will, and I hate disappointing Alex. Both of them, really. And I’m nervous that it will take, but I’ll miscarry, and we will all be that much more excited about it before it crashes. I’m worried that it will take, but I’ll have a miserable pregnancy. I worry that I’ll love the baby too much for an aunt, or not enough, or that this will change my relationship with Alex, or our relationship, or all my relationships, and hell, even my public image.”
“Yeah,” Nora agrees. “Those are all things to be worried about, but let’s take it one by one, okay?” When June nods, she continues. “Okay, first, if the first implant won’t take, we just try again. We all know it’s a risk, but we’ll listen to the science and find the best time, and it’ll be fine. You’re young and healthy, and there is an 87% chance it’ll work, even if not the first time. Anything that comes after that? We’ll deal with it. If you’re a miserable pregnant person, I’ll just break up with you,” she jokes.
June actually laughs at that, and Nora smiles. “Sounds fair.”
“Catalina,” Nora says in a soft, serious tone, and June looks up, all big brown eyes, and Nora falls a bit more in love with her. “This will change things, I’m not saying it won’t, but everything changes, and that’s what life is. As for Alex, that boy worships you. You’re not going through any of this alone. Not only do you have me, and the boys, we all have Pez, and if you think he’s not going to spoil and pamper you while you’re pregnant, you’re just wrong.”
June smiles at that. “I can see him hiring a masseuse to come to the apartment.”
“Stress relief candles showing up in boxes,” Nora adds.
“Bath salts,” June says.
“You, me and Pez?” Nora says. “We’re gonna be the best aunties ever.”
“I think I’m going to go by Tia,” June comments. “I know if I ask Alex, he’ll say ‘whatever you want, Bug; it’s up to you,’ but I know it’s important to him – and me too – to keep that part of our heritage, and my mom never had any siblings, so we never had any ‘aunts’ or ‘uncles’ growing up; it was just the tias and tios, and I think I’d like to be that for Alex’s kid, especially since we’re not as close to our cousins as we used to be.”
“You’re gonna be the best tia ever,” Nora says. “June, babe, you have so much love, and you’re always taking care of everyone. This kid is gonna be smothered in love.”
“You too,” June says, squeezing Nora’s hand. “Are you doing Auntie Nora? I know Bea is going to be Auntie Bea; she already is to Philip’s kids.”
Nora shrugs. “Haven’t thought about it much. Might be Tanta Nora. Might be fun to have that differentiated. And then we can be tia and tanta together.”
“I like that,” June murmurs.
“Do you think we’ll ever be moms?” Nora asks, her casual tone at odds with the churning feeling in her stomach. She and June have talked about this in vague terms, but with June agreeing to be a surrogate, now seems like a pressing time to bring it up again.
“Is that something you want?” June tilts her head.
“It’s not something that I ever really dreamed about,” Nora admits, “and I’m not desperate for it, but I don’t know. I could be open to the idea. I don’t know that I’d make a good mom.”
“You would be an excellent mom if you wanted!” June protests. “Your practicality is underrated in parenting, and you care so much more than you let on.”
Nora shrugs. “Maybe so. But what about you?”
June pauses. “Honestly? When I was little, it was something I dreamed about. But dreams change. That was also when I thought my partner would be a man,” she teases. “I didn’t know a lot of things about where my life would go. Like you said before, change is good.”
“And now?” Nora prompts.
“I don’t think I want it anymore,” June admits. “Being a tia , and having this pregnancy, will be enough.”
Nora’s surprised to feel relieved. She knows parenting wasn’t high on her priority list, but she hadn’t realized how much she didn’t want it until June said she didn’t either. “Good,” she says.
“Besides,” June adds, “I kind of already raised one kid.”
Nora’s mind starts whirring, and in the space of about two seconds it clicks what June means. “You did,” she agrees. “And we’ll help raise our nibling too, so that’s enough parenting for us. Give them back when we’ve had enough.”
“Honey?” June looks at Nora with such love and trust that Nora almost has to look away.
“Yes, Catalina?”
“Thank you.” She doesn’t have to say what for.
“Always. I’m always here for you.” And she means it.