Work Text:
Yoongi: i miss you a lot
Yoongi: i hope everything is well
Jungkook stared at his phone screen as it lit up with the texts from Yoongi. He had just been laying in his bed after a long day at work and was watching his favorite tv show, a show he had already rewatched many times before.
Everything had been fine, until he saw those texts. Jungkook’s thumbs hovered over the phone screen that had since gone dark since the messages first appeared. His show continued on from his laptop but it was just background noise at that point.
Yoongi texted him. Yoongi was thinking about him. Yoongi missed him.
It had only been two and a half months since Jungkook moved away. It had only been two and a half months since Yoongi and Jungkook had hugged goodbye and cried together with too many words left unsaid. It had only been two and a half months since Jungkook sent that final text to Yoongi once he had moved in that Yoongi had only replied to with a single emoji heart, and the two hadn’t talked again since.
Jungkook’s heart hurt and he couldn’t bear the thought of even opening his messages to look at the text from Yoongi. He felt so empty suddenly and so full of emotion at the same time. Yoongi made him feel so much and so little all at once.
Jungkook thought he had healed since. Jungkook thought he had moved on.
He stared at his phone with distrust as it lay on his bed, the screen dark and uninviting. He knew if he picked it up he would be forced to see the texts from Yoongi again.
He left his phone on the bed and got up and stretched. He hadn’t been sure if he was going to make dinner before, having been too comfortable snuggled up in bed, but he suddenly needed the distraction.
Jungkook walked down the hall of his apartment and entered the kitchen. He wasn’t sure what he was even going to make, his mind was racing with images of Yoongi’s texts over and over.
“Hey!”
Jungkook jumped at the voice, not even having noticed his roommate Jimin when he had walked in. Jimin was sitting at their table eating what looked to be Chinese takeout.
“Hey.”
Jungkook’s voice was distant, and he even cringed at how it sounded when he spoke. Jimin looked up at him curiously, probably unsure if he should ask what was going on.
The two of them were on good terms. They had only just met when they moved in together, but they got along quite well. Jimin had invited Jungkook out a few times since he knew that Jungkook was new to the area and they had fun together. They worked close by and sometimes went out for lunch on their breaks.
“Not sure what to have for dinner.” Jungkook said just to fill the silence.
He could feel the concern radiating off of Jimin and he knew he wouldn’t be able to escape the questions for long.
“Are you okay?” Jimin asked, glancing warily over at Jungkook who was just staring blankly at the stove top as if to make food magically appear.
“I.” Jungkook couldn’t even finish the sentence, the words just died in his throat.
He sighed and stared down at the floor. It was probably about time that someone would need to mop. He thought that he should clean soon. It would be a good distraction.
“Come sit down, Jungkook.” Jimin’s voice was calm like a hug. It roped Jungkook in and made him feel like he deserved to be comforted.
He walked over to their table and sat at the chair closest to Jimin. He folded his hands together and picked at the skin around his nails nervously.
Yoongi texted him. Yoongi was thinking about him. Yoongi missed him.
“What’s going on?” Jimin placed a hand over Jungkook’s fidgeting ones, the warmth bringing some feeling back into Jungkook’s numb body.
“My friend texted me.” Jungkook managed to reply, but it sounded lost to him, mostly because it wasn’t true.
He just wasn’t sure if he could call Yoongi a friend. He wasn’t sure what Yoongi was to him anymore.
Jimin squeezed his hands and rubbed his thumb over them. “Tell me about your friend.”
Jungkook wished he could cry. He wished he felt something other than empty. Most of all, he wished he could feel Yoongi’s arms around him.
“It was Yoongi. I haven’t talked to him since I moved.” Jungkook explained, as if it would tell Jimin anything at all.
But Jimin just listened, eyes watching Jungkook and filled with warmth and adoration for his roommate. Jimin wanted Jungkook to know that he cared.
“I miss Yoongi a lot.” Jungkook said, but his voice faltered, getting stuck in his throat.
Jungkook hadn’t even realized that he actually was holding back tears and his throat suddenly burned from it. His hands shook and the tears that came running down his face were hot. He took a breath but it hurt.
“I miss him.”
Jungkook sobbed, a choking sound coming out of him that he normally would have been embarrassed by, but Jimin just scooted his chair closer and wrapped his arms around Jungkook, holding him close and embracing him in his warmth.
“I love him so much, Jimin, and I don’t know what to do.”
Jimin hadn’t spoken much and he had just let Jungkook talk. He knew Jungkook needed to let it out, and knew Jungkook needed a friend.
“I don’t have anyone to talk to about this.” Jungkook tried to control his broken sobs, tried to make his voice sound normal when he spoke.
Truthfully, he had a lot of friends he could speak to, but none that would understand what was going on between him and Yoongi. Their situation had been difficult from the moment they first met. Jungkook had some of the best times and the worst times of his life with Yoongi, but he would never regret any of it.
He wasn’t even particularly sure why he left, and sometimes he lied awake at night just feeling as though he would wake up the next day and see Yoongi again.
But he never did.
Yoongi was too far from him and not even a phone call or facetime would ease either of their hearts. It was for the better that they didn’t talk anymore. It was almost like an unspoken agreement that they should leave each other be, forgotten and to be looked back on like a fond memory.
Yoongi was Jungkook’s entire life at some point, he was the reason why he breathed or woke up every morning.
Jungkook thought he was happiest around Yoongi, and brought him to his full potential. Two halves of a whole come together.
Jungkook wished he could hate Yoongi. He wished he could hate him so that the pain of being apart didn’t make him feel as empty as it did. He wished he could hate Yoongi so that he wouldn’t have had to leave him. Loving Yoongi had made leaving him the hardest thing he had ever had to do.
The distance had only made Jungkook yearn for his touch and his smile even more than it had previously. The thought of Yoongi plagued Jungkook’s thoughts and his feelings. Jungkook thought that no matter what, maybe it would be impossible for him to escape him anyway.
“It’s okay to love someone, Jungkook.”
Jungkook felt numb, but Jimin’s warmth brought him back to reality, back from his thoughts of Yoongi, from wishing it was Yoongi that was holding him like Jimin was.
“I just don’t think it’s okay for me to love him.”
They were never good for each other, but they were perfect all the same. They completed each other in every sense to the point where Jungkook would always know what Yoongi was thinking. He could predict everything about Yoongi at one point in their lives, back when it was okay for them to love each other.
“That doesn’t mean you can’t miss him. Emotions are complicated, you can’t help how you feel.”
Jungkook knew that Jimin was right.
“I just thought I was finally healing.”
Loving Yoongi was his weakness because he knew they couldn’t be together. From the day that Jungkook had first tried to tell Yoongi that he was in love with him and Yoongi told him to not say it, Jungkook knew that loving Yoongi would always be his weakness.
Neither of them were ready to be together and Jungkook had known that. He knew that what he wanted for his life and what Yoongi wanted were completely different, but Jungkook had still hoped. He had hoped he could live in some permanent state where nothing changed and he could continue loving Yoongi forever.
Unfortunately for both of them life goes on.
Jungkook had to leave and he left Yoongi behind. Jungkook knew he would never grow as a person if he stayed behind with Yoongi forever, no matter how hard he had wanted to. He knew Yoongi wanted to love him back but cared too much about Jungkook to do that.
He let Jungkook go and he let their love go with him.
He wondered how hard it had become for Yoongi for him to send Jungkook a message after so long. He wondered how often Yoongi had thought about Jungkook, for him to finally break in the early evening and send him a text.
Jungkook’s mind reeled.
Yoongi texted him. Yoongi was thinking about him. Yoongi missed him.
The worst part of it all was that Jungkook missed him too.
“Is it okay if I text him back?” Jungkook sniffled into Jimin’s shoulder, tear stains coating Jimin’s shirt.
“Is that what you want?” Jimin rubbed Jungkook’s back, soothing him.
“Yeah, I think so.”
“Then it’s okay, Jungkook.”
He didn’t think it actually was okay, but he made peace with the fact that he wouldn’t be able to forget about the texts until he actually replied.
Jimin got up and made Jungkook a quick meal of some ramen, knowing that he needed something warm and comforting to eat.
Jungkook was thankful for his roommate, for someone who didn’t ask too many questions since Jungkook would never be able to answer them. There would be no way to explain to anyone what he and Yoongi shared together.
Once Jungkook went back to his room, the once comforting darkness engulfed him and made him feel even emptier. His phone sitting where he left it on his bed made his heart pound and as he picked it up, the notification from Yoongi made him nauseous.
His hands shook as he unlocked his phone and opened up his texts with Yoongi, immediately greeted with past texts they had shared and old conversations Jungkook wished he could forget.
His thumbs hovered over the words as he contemplated what he wanted to say and how he wanted to say it.
He let out a small breath and finally typed before throwing his phone back down on the bed and burying his face in his pillow.
Tears rolled down his cheeks as he thought about Yoongi, as he wished he could hate him instead of loving him so much.
He thought it hurt more to know that Yoongi missed him also.
Jungkook: i miss you too